


A Process of Abrasion

by HermioneSpencer



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: A LOT of violence, F/F, F/M, Something For Everyone!, a lot of everything, but seem to be writing about anyway, car chases 'n' that, lots of action scenes, now i think about it, one of the longest things, science i know nothing about, twisty little plotty plot, welp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-05-23 13:56:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 50
Words: 180,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6118480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HermioneSpencer/pseuds/HermioneSpencer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Delphine is stuck with nowhere to go forward in her job at the hospital, working endless night shifts that wear her down, so when her past lover (and caretaker of many of her dreadful secrets) Doctor Aldous Leekie comes to her with a proposal to get them both what they want, she knows she can't and won't refuse.  The plan?  Stealing important scientific research from none other than Cosima Niehaus herself.  But (as is always the case with these two women) Delphine finds herself drawn to Cosima in a dangerous way.  It could very well scupper the plan.</p><p>Trigger warnings as mentioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Marked Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> This story came to me when I thought about the job description Leekie must have given Delphine when she was first hired to be Cosima's monitor. This is a random (but hopefully enjoyable) interpretation of that.  
> It has quite a few darker elements with topics such as rape, so please be careful.
> 
> HermioneSpencer

The hospital was immense. 1.8 million square feet of space dedicated to the care of the sick. Remarkable. It was a marvellous feat of architecture and very pleasing to look at… if you hadn’t just completed an outrageously long night shift in the emergency department as a trainee doctor, and you were only just leaving to go home, at a time when even the worst insomniac had probably let sleep take them. The walk to her (probably fifteenth-hand) car felt like the trek of Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hilary as they neared the top of Mount Everest in 1953. Wishing she had more strength, an insistent pain behind her eyes and a throbbing in her frontal lobe, she plodded to the car park, absolutely spent, and not entirely confident in her ability to drive tonight. The only reason she knew she had to was because she needed two showers; specifically two for the different blessings they offered. The first, Delphine knew, would be to wash of the layers of grime that had built up on her skin throughout her shift; even though she had been wearing her long white jacket for the majority of the night, she still felt as if she had patients’ blood, sick and sweat all over her body, coating her arms and even making its way to her chest. Yes, a functional shower was entirely necessary. The second shower she would take though would be much more relaxed. She could imagine it now. She would turn on her favourite music, and relax into the feeling of the steaming water caressing her tired skin, rejuvenating her and injecting a strength into her that could only come from a feeling of having one’s spirit cleansed.

 

Reaching her battered car, she sighed heavily and leaned against the door momentarily, resting her forehead against the cold metal, the chill giving her headache a bit of a shock and making it momentarily retreat, until the metal warmed to the heat of her body, and the pain returned. Delphine sniffed and stood back up, opening the door and getting in behind the wheel. She took another moment to just sit and wait for some energy to come back to her, but before she knew it she was crossing her arms on the wheel, her head on those arms and tears flowing from her eyes and racking sobs shaking her whole body, probably making the dodgy car shake too. She had no idea why she was crying. She had had some night shifts that had been entirely more demanding than this one, times when she had seen the life leave a little seven year old girl, times when she had only learnt of someone’s passing by watching the reactions of the family, a whole group of people crying and holding each other. Those were the days when it made sense to cry, but she never had. She seemed to hold it all together, but tonight, something was dreadfully wrong with her retention of her emotions. Why would she cry tonight, when the worst she had experienced was some sick from a middle aged man flicking into her face as it splashed from the container he had been given?

 

Delphine supposed it was because tonight, everything seemed so… futile. She had been working as a trainee doctor for a year now, and she had gone nowhere. Of course, having come as far as she had was amazing even to her, considering her history, and she was proud of that, but she had always expected to be doing better than this. She had made optimistic plans for having her own practise open in the very near future, but Delphine had begun to think that this was too optimistic. She had never backed down from goals she set herself, and so her self-doubt seemed like a betrayal to who she was.

 

Finally, she stopped crying. She reached into the glovebox and patted around for a packet of tissues. Thankfully, there was one. She picked one out and dabbed at her eyes first, wiping away the salty scars, and then blowing her nose which was threatening to drip slimy snot onto her legs. Delphine was disgusted, but when she had cleaned herself up, she rolled down her window, as the car was beginning to steam up with her heat, and took a deep breath through her nose. She breathed out through her mouth, feeling her lungs clear and her shaking slowly calm, until she was sitting still.

 

She shook her head to clear it of tonight’s thoughts and then started the car, driving home as carefully as she could in her exhausted state, anxious not to die in a car crash the week before she was to be assigned normal day shifts once more.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

As seemed to be a theme with tonight, Delphine was struggling with being so close to the next stage, but never quite seeming to get there. She had entered her building, smiling sadly at one of her neighbours who, to her shame, she couldn’t name even if he had told it to her outright, but that could possibly have been due to her fatigued brain. The blonde woman had intended to take the lift up to her flat, but to her absolute horror, there had been a sign up, stating that it was out of order, sorry for any inconvenience.

 

Feeling her eyes irrationally tear up again, she rubbed her face with her hands and told herself to get a grip. “Merde.” She readjusted her bag on her shoulder, and turned to take the stairs.

 

She was so close to the sixth floor, halfway up the stairs from the fifth floor, but she was so spent that she was trudging at a snail’s pace, making the effort seem longer than it had to be, if she would just run up the last few in a burst. On any other day, she would have done that, skipping with her long, slight legs and delighting in seeing her front door, but she couldn’t even contemplate that prospect right now.

 

Delphine knew there were seven steps left, having taken the steps enough times in her stay here. That was it, just seven. She could do this. She counted down with each step, humouring herself by adding the scientific attitudes.

 

One.  
_Curious._

 

Two.  
_Logical._

 

Three.  
_Open-minded._

 

Four.  
_Intellectually honest._

 

Five.  
_Dedicated._

 

Six.  
_Never jumps to conclusions._

 

Seven.  
_Creative and critically thinking._

 

There! She had made it! She was home! She used the hallway’s wall to lean on and guide her to her door, staring at her feet, watching them carry herself the last few steps to her black door. She was quite proud. She could very easily have fallen asleep in the car in the car park of this complex, but she kept thinking about the showers she was going to have. So close.

 

She fished her keys out of her bag and finally looked up to watch the door get closer. What she saw stopped her in her tracks. She gagged, and clapped her free hand over her mouth.

 

Doctor Aldous Leekie was leaning obnoxiously against her front door, blocking it completely, with a disgusting smirk on his face, as if he could see quite clearly that he had come at a time that was entirely inconvenient for her.

 

The last time she had seen him, he had made it quite clear that he had an absolute power over her that she could never escape. He had also reminded her that he would be the only one to initiate any contact in the future. It would be too dangerous otherwise. Then he had left her alone, her life in ruins and no way to deal with the mess he had left her in. And she had had no choice but to accept his terms.

 

“Good morning, Delphine…” he started, his voice as lazy and horrifically captivating as it had always been.

 

She was uncertain if this greeting warranted a response, so she remained silent.

 

“I hate to impose myself upon you at this clearly… unhelpful hour…” he said, running his eyes up and down her body with a hint of mockery in his voice. He licked his lips. “But, unfortunately, some developments have arisen, and this means we need to discuss our… little secret, shall we say?”

 

Delphine shuddered as images of what he meant flashed behind her eyes. She said nothing to him, but being unable to dismiss him, she simply stood in front of him and waited for him to move so that she could unlock her front door. Again, she made no comment, but left her door open behind her for him to follow. She was horrified at the thought of him entering the one place she had in her life that he hadn’t soiled with his presence, but she knew it would be far more dangerous to refuse him.

 

She dumped her bag on the sofa, and she joined it, slumping into the comfort of the cushions. She heard Leekie help himself to her coffee. She was too tired to do anything other than stare at the coffee table in front of her, and wait for Leekie to dump his shit all over her again.

 

He eventually joined her, sitting far too close for comfort, holding two mugs of steaming coffee and holding one out to her. Delphine shied away from both the coffee and the proximity to his body, neither of them heralding any safe haven for her. Knowing him, he had spiked the coffee with something horrendous. He'd done _that_ before. She raised her head up and glared at him, challenging him.

 

He acquiesced, and placed the mug he had made for himself on the table, and took a slow and pointed sip from the one he had offered to her. She tried not to look too embarrassed by his proving his innocence.

 

“Delphine, do you remember your promise…?” He asked as his left eyebrow rose slightly.

 

She nodded apprehensively, feeling quite sick. When he said nothing, Delphine felt a ball of iron in her stomach. Was he really going to make her say it? She stubbornly shut her mouth tightly, making a thin line across her face, her teeth jammed together. He sighed, and carried on himself.

 

“When we parted, what, a year and a half ago, Delphine… you promised me that you would come to my aid if I needed it-”

 

Delphine visibly straightened as she interrupted.

 

“Non, Aldous, you are entirely incorrect. You forced me into saying that if you needed my help, you would come to me for it and I would give it to you. You made it quite clear that I had no choice in the matter, and that if I fought against you, you would go to the police and tell them the truth.” Strangely, it felt quite good to say this out loud. It had never been voiced by anyone except Leekie, and now she had taken ownership of the words as well. It could be almost liberating, apart from the fact that the words defined her inherent lack of liberty.

 

“You felt cornered; of course those were the words your younger-self chose. But we _agreed_ it, Delphine, and it is important you remember that.” She met his deep-set eyes and she saw the infinite threat behind them. Her brief confidence was shattered and she was meek once more. He continued.

 

“Well, Delphine, we also agreed that it was safer if we didn’t stay in touch, therefore you must understand the gravity of this situation.” Delphine elected to ignore his insistence upon saying they agreed. “I have a way out for you.” Delphine froze in her uncomfortable shifting and slowly looked at him again.

 

“No more police, no more strange men, no more… encouraged promises.” He looked at her, gauging her response. She couldn’t help but open up a little bit more to him, the beauty of the absence that he implied too exciting to deny. She nodded for him to continue.

 

“This will be the last time I ever involve you in my affairs again. Once you’ve done this, I personally promise that you are out of my network forever. There is a large sum of money included, with your name on it.” He looked at her, and then attempted a comforting smile, but it only served to make him look creepier than his resting face did.

 

“You just have to do one thing for me. One job… and your history is permanently erased – there will never again be a chance for the truth to come out – you can set up that practise you want with the money, too! It’s the perfect opportunity. What do you say?” He gulped some coffee down.

 

Delphine, stuck in a rut girl, night-shift phantom and deadbeat preacher. Her eyes, heavy and half closed, glanced up at the wall where her certificates hung, a testament to her potential. She decided to hear what Leekie wanted.

 

“What would you have me do?” She asked slowly, dreading the answer. She knew Leekie too well to be naïve enough to assume that it wouldn’t be such a bad job.

 

Leekie beamed, seeing he had caught her, a hungry fish on a deadly sharp hook. Delphine knew it too, but she was too weak and tired to be bothered to back out now. Following him was easier than forging her own way to the showers she wanted so badly.

 

“Well, Delphine, I won’t insult your intelligence and question your knowledge, so I assume you are familiar with the recent epidemic of Follicular Lymphoma?”

 

Delphine grew confident in a topic she was familiar with.

 

“Yes, the overactive production of uterine follicles which is responsible for the growth of polyps. It starts in the uterus and slowly spreads through the body due to an attack on the immune system. I am familiar with this; there is a team at the hospital dedicated to it. I hope to be accepted into it in a few months.” She cringed at her overzealous dump of information to a man she hated. She knew she was doing this because she had no one else to talk to, and he was the first person to ask her anything for weeks. Her human interaction levels left a lot to be desired.

 

“Yes, excellent, Delphine, excellent! Well done.” A past version of Delphine rose to the fore and made her feel gruesomely proud of Leekie’s praise. A past version of her also remembered those exact words spoken in a very different tone. She shuddered and tried to ignore those thoughts.

 

“This detailed knowledge is exactly what I need. I’m very glad that you know a lot about this. I have a job offer for a small position in a medical company… They are attempting to find a cure for Follicular Lymphoma, and they have said that they will accept a candidate of my recommendation. Now, we know each other very well at this point, don’t we, Delphine? We can both honestly admit that my intentions for this company are less than… well… honest…

 

“But I have come to you because I know I can trust you to do this. And this is what I want: The lead scientist there, a Ms Cosima Niehaus, has made a statement that they are very close in their research and a cure should be developed in the next 6-12 months. You will get a placement there for a year, but the moment they are on the cusp of finding a cure, you are to bring their research, their findings, details of tests and drug trials and even information of the human volunteers to me. Because here is what we do: once we have this information, we will scupper their progress – and don’t worry about that, Delphine, I have that all under control – and we shall release the cure ourselves. We will make immense amounts of money, Delphine, and then after that, you get to keep 15% of the profits yourself. You get to go away, Delphine. You get to escape this life and start a completely new one; devoid of the danger I selfishly put you in.” He took a sip from his mug of coffee.

 

Leekie had stopped talking. In the recesses of her fuzzy mind, she knew that if she said no, Leekie would do what he had always done to her until she said yes. Or he would just grow tired of her and get rid of her in the easiest way. But she wasn’t listening to those voices… she was paying attention to the promise of a future that excited her more than anything… starting her own practise and making it as a fully-fledged doctor. Sure, she would make it in the most dishonourable way possible, but she had already done some terrible things to get where she was now. Stealing some research was nothing.

 

She looked Leekie in the eye, her mind clearing in one singular moment of clarity as she said, “I will do it. Put me there and I will get you that research. Je promets.”

 

Leekie seemed to take a moment to look at her face, searching for what, Delphine had no idea. Then he openly took a moment to look at everything that wasn’t her face. His eyes burned scorch marks on her skin, and when he was done looking at her whole body, clearly remembering that which hid underneath, she felt red, raw, and paralysed.

 

She was struggling with her hatred for the man; her disgust at the things she did with him, against her memories of the things he had done to her body. She knew that it wasn’t really her that wanted him, but the desire was there all the same. In an attempt to overpower these feelings, she picked up the now cold mug of coffee from the table, moved to the kitchen area and poured it down the sink. She began to wash the mug.

 

She regretted this decision, remembering how he had once held his arms around her in front of his own sink, had his way with her in this position, and she abandoned her task, leaving it for later. She turned around again, facing Leekie who was bringing his (now empty) mug towards her. Delphine was loathe to touch the mug, knowing how his lips has smothered the rim. It was tainted, now.

 

“Thank you for coming, Dr Leekie. I am pleased that you should offer me such an opportunity, and I shall gladly accept it. When shall I next hear from you?”

 

She could see Leekie’s face fall slightly, disappointed that they could not rekindle a flame which once burned as bright and as dangerously as a forest fire, if only from his point of view. Noting her dismissal, he accepted it, and then moved to the door.

 

“I shall notify you in the next two days when you shall be starting your placement at Topside. I first have to notify them of my recommendation. Don’t turn your phone off.”

 

And with that, he left, shutting the door behind him, but with his presence gone, everything he had touched and everywhere he had been in her small house turned black, footprints of his corruption once again encroaching upon that which she held dear.

 

Delphine now noted that no number of showers was ever going to make her feel clean again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading! If you made it this far you may not have found it boring and that, my friend, is good news.  
> Following chapters should be posted soon.


	2. Baby Steps

_It was 11:00 pm and the night-life was still thriving. Delphine’s inebriated brain hardly gave it a thought, seeing as it was a Saturday night. And she was having far too much fun to think about such boring things when she was out with her best friend. She stumbled down the street in her neat cocktail dress and her ankle buckled on some uneven paving. She heard rather than saw Danielle guffaw at her flop, and she turned behind her to shout something vaguely witty to mask her embarrassment, but then she saw Danielle’s face turn from laughter to nausea as she ran to the gutter on the road and hurled thoroughly ungracefully down it. She snorted, remembering how she had told Danielle to pace herself, but then she walked back to her friend to support her. A group of men on the other side of the street laughed loudly and shouted crude suggestions at them. Delphine swore at them and they didn’t pursue it._

 

_When Danielle had finished, she stood up and stretched her back, making her bust bulge in her dress. She wiped her mouth, and then said with a raspy voice to Delphine, “Oh Del, do we have to see your friends tonight? I’m excited, of course, but I don’t think I can!”_

 

_Delphine shushed her and wiped some hair out of her now sweaty face. She doubted whether she could introduce Danielle to her friends in this state, and considered taking her home when her phone started to ring from her clutch purse. She let out a small “tsk”._

 

_“Putain! Hang on, ma chérie, it’s him! I must answer.” She stroked her sick friend’s hair in a bid to comfort her, and then answered the phone, holding it up to her ear. “Oui, allo?”_

 

_She heard the man’s very distinctive voice, slurred by the alcohol he must have already consumed that night. “Delphine! Where are you and your friend? My men are very excited to meet you both – they’re angry that I’ve kept you my dirty little secret for so long… are you far away?” The background noise from his end was very noisy, even compared to the bustle of this street. She could hear raucous laughter and the chink of glasses._

 

_“Non, we are just a few blocks away from you, Aldous – but Danielle is not well at all… I don’t think your friends would like to see her like this. She’s just been sick. I think she may have had too much to drink, mon amour.” She added the endearment in a bid to please her older friend, hoping he would not be too angry with her. She had promised to bring Danielle tonight, after all…_

 

_“Delphine… you wouldn’t want to disappoint my men like that, would you…? You needn’t worry about Danielle; they only want to meet you both. I promise we will look after her. Come. Bring her. We have plenty of water for her to drink and make her feel better. Quickly, pet.” And with that, he cut off the line. Delphine looked at Danielle in consternation, but even tipsy as she was, she thought that making Danielle drink some water was better than letting her fall straight asleep in their college resident lodgings._

 

_"Come on, Dani, we’re nearly there. I promise you won’t have to talk or anything, they only want to see the girl Aldous has kept secret for so long and her "pretty friend". I’m sure they’re all so drunk they shall fall asleep before we even get there, they’re all that much older than us! Allez.”_

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Delphine could see her face repeated twice in the two layers of glass of the train window as she sat in her seat, but try as she might, she couldn’t recognise her face at all. It was a completely different face to the one she knew… the face she used to have. It was quite unsettling to have two faces looking back at her. She felt as if they were judging her, daring her to admit that she had changed, and not for the better. For the first time in what felt like an age, she really looked at her face in her reflections. She looked older than her years, worn, tired and thoroughly depressed. There was no hint of humour in this face anymore. It made her desperately sad to realise it, but she had let herself go to shit. Her once gorgeous hair, her pride and passion, was greasy and limp on her head. Her lacklustre curls cried more of pity than the life and vibrancy it once evoked. The bags under her eyes were very pronounced. They held the weight of the truth she hid from the world. She leant her head against the glass and sighed. She closed her eyes but found images there she wished she could forget but knew she never would. If there was a place after death, she would remember them there too.

 

The train driver’s speaker system crackled to life, startling Delphine’s eardrums and making her wince with the unexpected static. _“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We are just coming into our final station, Holcomb Esplanade. This is our terminating stop, so please ensure you take all of your belongings with you. Thank you for travelling with Rosen Railways, and whether you’re staying, or just passing through, enjoy your stay in Holcomb!”_

 

Delphine knew she was being bitter, but the driver sounded far too cheerful for her mood. She collected her luggage and got off the train, following the signs to the exit. Once off the platform and in Holcomb Esplanade Station’s atrium, she sighed, not knowing where to go. Leekie had told her that she would be collected by a company car, but when she checked her watch she saw that she was twenty minutes early. _‘The one time public transport is actually efficient is the one time I don’t want it to be!’_ She thought, laughing dry to herself at the irony. There was a bench close by to her, so she pulled her luggage along to it, and sat down, resigned to waiting for twenty minutes. She supposed if she busied herself somehow, it might not feel like too long. She fished around in her handbag and brought out her notebook. The most recent pages were full of her workings on this new assignment. Each page since two days ago had been covered in notes on follicular lymphoma. She knew a lot about it already, but she didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of some very important scientists, even if she knew she was going to be betraying them when the time came.

 

Her notes enveloped her interest pretty quickly. This cancer was so… interesting… dare she say it so light-heartedly. There were so many elements to it that caught her curiosity, seduced her down slippery snickelways, and revealed new alleyways of thought every time she lpoked at her work. It was times like this when her love for medicine and healthcare was reignited. She flicked through the pages of notes again and again, reading old notes and adding new ones as she sat on the slightly uncomfortable station bench. She was so engrossed that she half jumped off the bench when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Embarrassed, she stood up and faced the intruder, her face feeling hot. Slightly shorter than she was, he wore thin framed glasses with thick lenses. He wore an open smile that revealed a lot of gum, but he seemed friendly. He wore a checked shirt under a slightly faded Sherpa jacket.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you there, Ma'am. I just couldn’t seem to get your attention! I hope I haven’t interrupted the wrong lady – you are Delphine Cormier, yes?” He seemed overly nervous, as if he would be devastated if she wasn’t her.

 

“Oui, that is me.” Delphine felt less embarrassed as the man in front of her grew more cripplingly awkward and laughed nervously. The more awkward he was, the more she felt like she had to be confident, for his sake.

 

“That’s awesome,” he extended a hand towards her as he spoke, “my name’s Scott Smith, and I’m here to collect you and introduce you to Topside. Please, come with me, there’s a car waiting for us.”


	3. Change, Cause, Time, Motion

Scott led her out of the station to the pick-ups section, where a smooth, flawlessly shiny black car was the only car waiting in this quiet area. The car was being guarded by a human version of Cerberus, apart from the fact that he wasn’t hounded by the polycephaly that Cerberus had to deal with. Delphine realised with a jolt if she continued with this train of thought, then the car must be the underworld. Was she really that nervous? She looked back at the robust man. There didn’t seem to be an inch of his body that wasn’t covered in thick, hard muscle. He looked like he could snap her in two with his non-dominant hand, even if his emotionless eyes indicated no hatred towards her. She decided yes, she definitely was that scared. 

 

Delphine felt slightly silly as she and Scott made their way towards Charon and his ferry of horrors, as if she was in a film as the stoic man opened the back door of the car for her to get in. The moment was broken, however, by her not knowing what to do with her luggage. She floundered, flustered by the huge man making eye contact with her and her inability to decide whether she should get in or put her luggage in the boot herself, even though he had just opened the door for her. Either way, she let out a whimper in her confusion, and mentally reprimanded herself for being so weak. Clearly, the large man cottoned on to her predicament, and left the door for her to get in herself, and took the luggage to the boot for her. She watched him do it, and she was surprised to see how gently he did it, laying it down carefully in the fuzzy lining of the car, almost as if he was trying to keep some glass from shattering. Delphine’s fear was wiped away within moments. Now in the back seat of the car, she felt it shake as the boot was closed, and Scott didn’t help the movement as he got into the car on the other side, the car leaning to accommodate his weight. The man in the suit got in behind the wheel, and then they were off, just like that.

 

Delphine felt quite lost; she didn’t really know either of the people she shard this car with, and one of them, she had only just been disabused of couldn’t remember a time that wasn’t the case. Scott’s drawl grounded her to reality once again.

 

“So, Ms Cormier, I must apologise on behalf of my boss, Ms Niehaus. She was really excited to meet you and was going to come, but the screening test results arrived early this morning, so she’s got the whole team analysing the results. She’s sorry she couldn’t make it to meet you.”

 

Delphine waved a hand in dismissal and said, “Goodness, non, I would never have expected her to do so!” She looked at Scott’s eyes through his lenses. “Also, I am delighted to have been greeted so kindly by such a wonderful gentleman such as you.”

 

Scott visibly blushed, and his eyes flitted around, not sure where to rest. Delphine hadn’t intended to make him uncomfortable, merely to give him some validation instead of being Niehaus’ afterthought, but it clearly hadn’t gone as intended. Scott mumbled incoherent words, but Delphine didn’t know if they were protestations or thanks. She supposed it didn’t matter in the end. She pursued another topic of conversation.

 

“So, Mr Smith,” she addressed him politely, almost as a precaution in case he thought she was getting too personal, “if Ms Niehaus is going through the developments with the team now, surely you are at a disadvantage, not knowing the details yourself now?”

 

Scott’s face seemed to return to a normal shade of ruddy pink instead of over-ripe tomato, and he answered her question with his head bobbing a few times to accentuate his words.

 

“Ah, yeah, Cos- Ms Niehaus and I review everything at the end of each day, the two of us. She usually fills me in on anything I’ve missed in the day then. We’ve known each other for a very long time now, so we have a pretty good working relationship – we both know how each other’s brain works, so we need our evening meetings to bounce ideas off each other. It works, I suppose, because as you must know by now, we’re getting closer to a cure each day.”

 

“Oh yes, I have heard of your progress. I am excited – not to mention proud - to be part of such a great scheme. Your team has achieved so much in such a short space of time.” Scott shook his head.

 

“We would be nowhere without Cosima. She’s so dedicated, so married to this line of work. She holds the whole team together. She set the whole thing up anyway. We’re so close, we will save countless lives, and it’s all thanks to her. Even in my personal life she has become more relevant than I would once have imagined.”

 

Delphine was growing tired of Scott’s adoration of Niehaus, but that last comment confused her. What did he mean? Did he mean that they were more than co-workers or that she had made herself an important figure in Scott’s personal life whether he like it or not? Delphine knew of a man who had done that to her, forced his way into her life before she could yell fire, and it had ruined her life. She didn’t like the sound of this Niehaus forcing her way into anyone’s life. She wasn’t sure she was going to like her all that much, despite Scott’s love for her. She welcomed the animosity, knowing that it would help her when the time came to run with her charge… reams of data and information.

 

The car slowed to a final halt. Delphine looked out of the window curiously, to see if there was any remote possibility that she would recognise her surroundings. Alas, no. The building they had stopped at was a large apartment complex with a strong affinity for stone, but more concrete than beautiful architecture, and it was quite ugly. Was this Topside? She hadn’t thought to ask where they were going, despite being so uncomfortable not knowing… Thankfully, Scott answered her question which remained unvoiced.

 

“Ms Cormier, these are your lodgings. I have a few things to show you before we’re done though, so I’ll accompany you up.” He turned to the chauffer and smiled. “Thank you, Paul. Don’t forget Cosima’s dinner invitation with her family this Sunday! She doesn’t want you to dwell, okay?” He got out of the car, as did Paul who retrieved Delphine’s bags and as Delphine got out, he shook hands with Scott.

 

“I don’t intend to dwell, sir, but grieving takes time. I will be there on Sunday, however. I’m looking forward to it.” And with that, he got back in the car, and drove away. 

 

Delphine was curious but she didn’t want to pry, so said nothing. Scott watched the car depart, and then looked at Delphine, almost as if he had forgotten she was there. He cleared his throat and then explained the exchange that had just taken place.

 

“That was Paul Dierden… his wife recently passed away… Well, she jumped under a train, actually. But he’s a dear friend of Cosima’s sister, so she gave him a job as our chauffer. Sometimes keeping busy just gives you something else to think about. But Paul… he’s super intense and sometimes gets too sucked into his thoughts. It’s not good for him. Cosima does what she can, but nothing can heal a broken heart except for time, right?”

 

“ _Mon Dieu_ … that is so terrible! Suicide will never be easy to deal with. I found that work became my medicine, too, but he must not let that consume him either.” Delphine’s face heated again when she saw Scott look at her, horrified at the news she had unloaded, so to avoid any further awkwardness, she strode towards what she thought must be the main door, a purpose to her gait and a slight breeze making her hair flounce.

 

“Uh… uh, Ms Cormier!” Scott called out from behind her, “It – it’s this way…”

 

“ _Merde_ ” she whispered. “Yeah, yeah I see. Okay.” And she turned back to Scott, who was now plodding towards the _actual_ main door. Would this day ever end, or was it hell bent on making her embarrass herself in front of everyone in Toronto before nightfall?

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“This is your apartment, number 324. I’ll show you around – there’s a room I have to introduce you to.” 

 

Neither of them made any comment about how wrong that sounded. They both seemed to accept that it was not a good day for either of them. It was best to suffer it in silence.

 

The door swung open, and Delphine was… disappointed… by what she saw. By no means was it shabby, untidy or in any way substandard… it was just so… boring. It was entirely minimalistic, noticeably modern, and there was a heavy influence towards black and white. In fact, as Delphine looked around, she noticed that everything in the whole apartment was a variation of those two shades. It was so uninspiring; a colour picture in black and white. The possibility of a whole spectrum, and they chose black… and white…

 

“Wow, this is stunning, Mr Smith, really!” She turned to Scott, plastering a fake smile all over her face.

 

“Ach, please call me Scott. Only my vet calls me Mr Smith and I don’t think he really likes me all that much.” Delphine paused, looking sideways for a long time with her body stock still, unsure why Scott would need animal healthcare. She imagined him laying down on the vet’s bench on his back, a stern man in green overalls looking down at him with his hands on his hips saying disapprovingly in a low timbre of voice, “Mr Smith…” Then it hit her, she snapped her fingers and said, 

 

“You have a pet?” 

 

Blissfully unaware of her compromising mental images, Scott smiled lovingly to nothing in particular. “Yeah… her name’s Denise.” He looked at her as if he had some really interesting news. “She has feline asthma.”

 

“That must be… difficult to deal with, non? I’m sorry to hear that.” Delphine commiserated, although she actually had no idea what that meant for the poor creature. 

 

“Okay, I have to show you the Communications Room. Every apartment on this floor has one, because this floor is part owned by Topside. I’ll introduce you to your neighbours if they’re in. But first…” He headed to a small door next to the main living space that seemed like it was originally meant to be a utility room, but was now full of electronic equipment. Delphine approached the doorway of the small room and peered in, behind Scott. There was a desk with all sorts of devices; recorders, cameras, microphones, headphones and not to mention so many consoles, Delphine estimated there was thousands of dollars’ worth of equipment here. The main attraction was a computer with a monitor that flickered to life when Scott turned it on.

 

“Did you say… _every_ apartment on this floor?” At a nod from Scott, the blonde woman shook her head incredulously. She knew that Cosima Niehaus had started Topside as a medical investigations company with _personal_ funds. Just how wealthy was she? 

 

“So, this is the Comms. Room. There’s some pretty neat stuff in here, but there’s a manual for all that. All I need to tell you is why we have it. Cosima likes to call these “for the muse” rooms. Essentially, this computer will be linked to your lab computer and the data that you save on your account will be accessible from work and home. Pretty simple stuff, apart from some of the software that we’ve uploaded. The idea behind it is, sometimes, ideas come to us outside of work, and it’s hard to cement these ideas without having all of the information to check with right away. So, if you wake up in the middle of the night with an idea, you can come here and send your formulas or theories or even just vague ideas right to your computer at work. It’s come in very useful, I can tell you. I have practically all of my ideas overnight, so my breakfast routine is transferring that stuff through.”

 

Delphine whistled in appreciation. “That is really cool.”

 

“That’s not all. _This_ is the coolest thing.” He opened up a large drawer to reveal… _no way…_

 

“That’s a solar simulator correct?” Delphine checked with Scott, checking before she jumped to any conclusions.

 

“Absolutely.”

 

They both looked down at the contents of the drawer, and suddenly Delphine started giggling. Scott laughed along too, appreciating the joke.

 

“Scott, are you telling me that Cosima Niehaus ensured that every apartment on this floor was installed with a solar simulator for the _cultivation of marijuana?_ ”

 

“ _I know._ ” Delphine’s laughter was stronger now, and she had to lean against the doorframe to stop herself from falling over. It was just so _ridiculous!_

 

Eventually, her breathing steadied, but her cheeks hurt form the force of her smile. 

 

“ _Je suis desolée_ , I have not laughed in a long time…” She was still smiling from her reaction to the marijuana, but now there was a hint of sadness sewn in with it, creating a cross-stitch of complex human emotion.

 

“Well it’s always good to laugh. I’m glad that you found it so funny, but I’m also kinda surprised you found it so funny, unless you get high just by being in close proximity to intoxicators?” His joke received another laugh from Delphine, and then she sighed, putting cool hands to her cheeks to take some of the heat out of them.

 

“Okay, right, I’m done!” She smiled, and then Scott left the Comms. Room. The blonde woman followed.

 

“The last thing is to introduce you to some of your neighbours, but they may all be at work. I’m not sure who has a day off today.” Scott led the way to the corridor, passing the living area and out onto the soft carpet that made a glorious walkway to each apartment door.

 

“I think Colin’s off today, actually,” Scott murmured, and knocked on the door opposite Delphine’s. After a moment or two, a small man opened the door with close cropped hair and large glasses that dominated his face. Delphine hung back, not wishing to intrude, and as the men exchanged greetings, the man called Colin’s head poked past Scott to get a clear view of Delphine. He had a sombre smile, on that didn’t seem to be used for laughter all that much, clearly set in a way that showed he was used to grimacing. 

 

“Colin, this is Delphine Cormier, Delphine, this is Colin.”

 

Colin held a piece of toast in his left hand, but he held out his right hand for her to shake, and she did so. “Hiya. And yeah, it’s just Colin. I don’t think anybody knows my second name… not even my mother,” he deadpanned. “Apparently I’ll be working with you for the remainder of this endeavour. I look forward to it.”

 

“ _Enchantée_ , Just Colin. I hope it is an endeavour we can make successful.”

 

Their greeting was interrupted by a blaring orchestral piece of music heralding a caller for Scott. He motioned for them to carry on without him, and walked a little down the corridor. Delphine noted this could be so as not to disturb them, or so that neither she nor Colin could hear what was being said on the other end. If it was the latter, Delphine wondered who it was Scott didn’t trust. The thought made her snort internally. How could she think herself so safe from suspicion? Scientific espionage was common enough, and often dangerous enough to cause suspicion in any team. She turned back to Colin, trying to engage herself in something other than pensive thoughts.

 

“How long have you been a part of this team then, Colin?” He had just taken a mouthful of toast and peanut butter, so he finished chewing before he spoke. The time it took to get there was quite painful, especially given the answer she got.

 

“I started only a few weeks ago. They expanded their team, so they brought a whole bunch of us in. That’s why they got part ownership of this floor. All the newbies are here.” Delphine felt mixed reactions. Firstly, the fact that there were other new people meant that she was not as conspicuous as she first thought she would be, but secondly, she was annoyed to find that she would be spending every waking minute with her co-workers, which was never a good thing. She dreaded the time coming when even the sanctity of her dreams would be permeated by the reach of those she would begin working with tomorrow.

 

Scott was coming back, and he cut in. He wished Colin a good day off, but he had something important to tell Delphine if that was okay with him. Colin, seemingly quite good natured, nodded with pursed lips and raised a hand as a farewell, shutting his front door as he retreated back into his apartment, with his toast.

 

Scott ushered Delphine back into her new apartment, and then put his phone down on the countertop next to him.

 

“Okay, sorry about that Delphine, but I’ve just been talking to Cosima. She received your credentials yesterday but didn’t get a chance to see them until just now, and she’s decided to go ahead with our Plan B!” Scott was really enthusiastic, but Delphine couldn’t share in that, of course having no idea what it meant.

 

“Plan B…?” Was this some slang she had failed to pick up on in her time in the Brave New World?

 

“Oh, yeah, um, well, Cosima has been quite overworked recently, what with the progress we’re making, so she considered splitting the workload in two, having two sub-teams report to Cosima and myself, but at the time we didn’t have anyone qualified enough to do it. But she’s read your credentials, and she thinks you’re more than qualified enough, and the only so highly qualified person available. Delphine… would you like to be our sub-team leader?”


	4. A Catalyst Accelerates the Inevitable Yet Does Not Change Its Nature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some upsetting allusions to abusive relationships and bad drugs that are most definitely _not_ used recreationally or even voluntarily.

_There was the awful stench of spilled alcohol in the entrance hall, mixed with the very distinct odour of weed that can only be described (and understood) by those who have experienced it themselves. Delphine’s fuzzy mind tried to attribute a name to the smell, but she found it was like trying to describe the smell of freshly baked cookies. You either knew it or you didn’t. Despite all this, she wasn’t sure if she liked the smell anyway. She and Danielle were being led by a quiet middle aged lady with olive skin up some very… clinical… stairs, on her way to the address Leekie had given her. She didn’t know how else to describe the stairs. The linoleum hadn’t been properly applied – Delphine’s heels pushed bubbles of air down with each step. Curious, whenever she moved up to the next step, she watched as the linoleum on step she had moved from popped back up again. It was both aggravating and amusing. The atmosphere would have been almost dank if it wasn’t for the unsettling change in temperature as they rose higher and higher._

 

 _Delphine was confused as to why Leekie had decided to hold a party here, a disgusting building that seemed to be some sort of shut down hospital. She had visited his house many times, and it was plush, rich and exotic. Nothing like this. She had a hold of Danielle’s hand, worried for her safety, and she squeezed in encouragingly, but she was pretty sure that she was reassuring herself more than her dozily drunk best friend who followed her lead quite blindly. The olive skinned lady finally led them out of the stairwell, much to Delphine’s relief, and through a set of glass double doors that led to a hallway with soft red carpet with a muted floral pattern. The only unsettling thing about_ this _place was that the stench of alcohol and drugs got stronger with every step the two French women were led to take, but Delphine was hardly unsettled by something as seductive as alcohol._

 

_The olive skinned woman stopped in front of a black door in the corridor, smiled wordlessly at the two women, and walked away from them, back the way they had come, leaving Delphine quite befuddled. She supposed that the only thing to do now was knock on what she hoped was the right door. From the sounds she could hear; a pounding base and crazy laughter, she was sure that this must be right. Her knuckles rapped on the hard wood, and mere seconds later, there was Aldous Leekie, his slim but defined face grinning mischievously. His head was topped by some thinning yet dark hair atop his head, which he had clearly attempted to style. Delphine wasn’t sure that it had worked at all, but she elected to say nothing to him. Behind him and through the doorway, Delphine could see the exciting party that was taking place. One man in a dark blue suit seemed to be dancing on a table._

 

_“Delphine!” Leekie shouted, startling her and drawing her attention back to him. She beamed at him and leaned forward to kiss him. His almost non-existent lips opened and his sloppy, lazy tongue attacked her before she even had time to open her mouth to accommodate it. She worried what he had done to her lipstick. She finally managed to pull away from him and laughed, then dragged Danielle in front of her in an attempt to escape his saliva. He stared at Danielle for a moment, as if trying to work out who she was, but then understanding bloomed on his face, and he turned and bellowed to the party behind him._

 

_“They’re here you douches! Get your asses moving, we have important company!” With his cry, everything in the large room behind him seemed to pause for a millisecond, and then everything got moving again. The rowdy party all surged towards the door, and suddenly Delphine was thrown in the middle of a throng of people, men kissing her hands and shouting their names at her over the pounding music, nearly all of them spitting in her face. She was only introduced to a couple of women there, and both of them had seemed to be her age as well. She assumed they were much like her; ‘friends’ with a slightly older man and reaping the benefits for the price of a bit of discomfort every couple of nights, depending on how desperate their ‘friends’ were. She wanted to judge them, but she couldn’t. In the crush of everyone wanting to meet her, she felt a few hands rest of her rear and sometimes give it an uncomfortable squeeze, but everything was moving so quickly that she couldn’t possibly put a finger on the culprits. Finally, she seemed to have said hello to everyone. She turned to Danielle, and saw that she was leaning on a man, clinging to the lapels of his jacket. Delphine hurried over to them and apologised to the man._

 

_“Je suis desolée! My friend is a little drunk. I think she needs some water.” She made her biggest puppy eyes at the man, hoping he wasn’t offended, but she saw that he seemed almost unhappy that Delphine had removed Danielle’s weight from him. He looked at her, and then his eyes flicked to Aldous, who came over to them, holding a jug of water. He pulled them both away from the man (who seemed even unhappier now) to a drinks table. He poured water into one glass for Danielle and handed it to her. She mumbled her thanks and downed it very quickly. Aldous turned to Delphine and made a comment about how he had promised to have the water ready for her. Danielle drank it so quickly that she proffered her empty glass for more before Aldous had even finished his sentence. He laughed and poured more for her. She took it back, kissed Delphine on the cheek and moved away to once again harass the man she had been leaning on before. Delphine noticed he cheered up again._

 

 _“My dear Delphine, I hope you don’t mind if I don’t give_ you _water. I can see that you have a long way to go yet before you are stumbling around like a foal learning to walk.” He leaned forward and kissed her neck, handed her a bottle of some alcoholic substance (Delphine didn’t really take note of it) and he led her to the centre of the room, where a circle had been created with comfortable looking sofas, and many people had congregated again after leaving the crush at the front door. Delphine followed Leekie, and then sat next to him on the sofa which was also occupied by a man of the same age as Aldous and one of the girls whom Delphine had noticed earlier. His hand was resting on her leg. She didn’t look uncomfortable, but Delphine could tell she wasn’t exactly ecstatic about it either. Aldous turned to her and said, quite loudly for all those around them to hear, that Delphine and Danielle were both very brave for coming for the first time. The man on the other side of Aldous with the young girl snorted ungracefully and then spoke._

 

_“Really, Al? What a fucking sap you are. You’re fucking this girl. How brave does she have to be to come and see her fuck buddy and drag a friend along? Get over yourself Aldous, you’re not that threatening. She isn’t brave, I bet she just wants another chance to have a proper man to rip her dress off.” Delphine looked at the man whose name she had forgotten, astounded that he would speak so brazenly about her, right in front of her. She felt a need to argue against this man with slightly wavy hair and thick black glasses that had streaks of green throughout the frames. She spoke up._

 

_“You think that one does not require bravery to be… carnal? What about the bravery of going in for the first ever kiss with someone you have lusted after for so long? Every time you bare your body and its imperfections to a new partner the first tie you make love together? Not to mention the bravery of having sex on a public beach.” She didn’t even know the man, but she felt a need to prove him wrong, even if he was a friend of Aldous. The man looked at her, utterly perplexed. Aldous chuckled and turned to the man, but his arm grew tighter around Delphine, making her feel quite trapped._

 

_“I told you, Ferdinand, she’s intelligent. Forgive her impertinence… I believe she is just a little loose-lipped from her alcohol intake… It happens to the best of us!” Delphine didn’t understand why, but Aldous seemed to be subjugating to this man. Was this Ferdinand above Aldous in some way of status? But she was not given an opportunity to think more about this, because he had abandoned his grasp on the girl beside him (apparently to her relief) and was leaning forward, looking in to her eyes. She glared back, defiance coursing through her body. It was a pointless argument, but she didn’t want this man to think she was weak in any way. That wasn’t who she was. He stared at her a little longer, and seemed to accept that she wasn’t going to back down. Instead, he leaned once more against the back of the sofa, commanding the attention of those surrounding him. His next words were spoken clearly, and seemed to attract more people around them who heard his words._

 

 _“You may be right there, Delphine. I can give you that one. But you know what dispels any need for bravery when it comes to carnality?” He mulled over his words for a moment and allowed Delphine to consider them too. When she said nothing, simply quirking an eyebrow at him, he smiled and said, “You’re doing it right now…” He smirked gleefully._ "Money. _I tell you now that if you offer enough money to someone, they will do some very dirty things to both yours and their own body.” The girl beside him shuffled uncomfortably. To Delphine’s surprise, she felt her own body shift a little. She schooled her body immediately, but Ferdinand had already seen her movement. His smile became more predatory. “Aldous! I have a bet for the whole party to get in on. But it involves the gorgeous girls you have here.” He stood up quickly and shouted for everyone present to hear. “Listen up, asshats! The first girl in this room to give a man a blowie here gets $500… from EACH MAN IN THIS ROOM!” He bellowed the last words, then looked straight at Delphine, cocking his eyebrow, a challenge to her. He continued. “The only rule is that it cannot be a man you’ve already been intimate with.” Delphine was confused. Did this man think that she would drop everything and fall to her knees right away, just for… a lot of money? She could not deny that the amount of money it would amount was immense, but she wasn’t a whore. She cringed as she thought that word, and mentally retracted it. Despite her circumstances, she considered herself a feminist of sorts._

 

_When Ferdinand had finished his announcement, almost all of the men cheered and began to leer at the women present, just the four of them, and Delphine felt sick. The only men who didn’t cheer were Ferdinand and Aldous. She looked to her lover and said, “Surely, Aldous, you do not want me to partake in such a bet as this?” She sighed internally at her words, but ploughed on anyway. “I do not want to soil myself with the touch of another man… I am only for you.” She resigned herself. “I am yours, Aldous.” Ferdinand had returned, and he listened intently to what Aldous said next. He looked at Ferdinand, and then grew somewhat stiff around her._

 

_He said without looking at her, “Delphine, this is my party. If you do not make it enjoyable for my guests, then I shall be sorely disappointed in you. In fact, if you don’t win, I may have to reconsider some of the details of our arrangement. Please don’t disappoint me.” Delphine let out a soft breath, unable to believe the words she had just heard come out of his mouth, but was unable to carry on whatever this was (it wasn’t a discussion, but it wasn’t really a topic either. Delphine couldn’t think straight) because at that moment, she saw Dani (who had been flirting with the men by joking about which man she could win the bet with) drop her glass of something that now wasn’t water, and fall to the floor. Delphine flew up and ran to Dani’s side, and checked if she was okay. Dani was frozen on the floor, her body not moving, but Delphine could see, quite clearly, that Dani was looking right at her. Those eyes were fully conscious; there was no doubt about it. Delphine’s head snapped up to Aldous, her brows brought together, her jaw clenched and her eyes tabbing him._

 

_Dani had been drugged, and Delphine had no idea how to get her out of a room full of big men and two women who seemed entirely passive and uninterested that someone had just been given the most common date rape drug available in the country… Rohypnol._

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Sheets of cotton… not the best by a long way, but one would still believe them to be quite comfortable. Delphine would disagree with everyone who held such a belief. The sheets of her new bed scratched against her whole body. Delphine had serious trouble getting to sleep these days, usually sleeping for possibly four hours when she managed to sleep at all, but she still went through the motions each night, getting into her pyjamas, brushing her teeth, washing her face and getting into bed waiting for sleep to claim her. But, like every night, she lay awake, and night time was when she could no longer ignore her thoughts, and she had to listen to each and every one of them. Sometimes, this was useful. She had solved many problems in this way, picking a knot of a problem apart, unravelling every element of it until it was all laid out in front of her, the answer quite clear to her. Other times, there was no knot to unpick, and it was just thinking endlessly about everything she could have changed. Things she could never go back and change, but things she wished beyond anything else she could.

 

The fact that the sheets were uncomfortable hardly mattered, she wouldn’t have slept were they any more comfortable, but it was simply another thing to think about. Curling her toes under the sheets, Delphine’s thoughts drifted to that of her new job, starting today. As something to distract herself, she went through how the day should go, according to a day plan that Scott had sent her last night. She would have to leave the house by 6:45 to make it to work by 7:30; she would meet with Scott, then at 7:45 she would have a meeting with the enigma Niehaus, and then she would be introduced to the team when they arrived at the usual 8:00. The day would run just like any other from there, working on the science all day with a lunch break at 12:30 and the end of the day at 5:00. Delphine couldn’t work out if she was excited or not. Of course, it was an incredible opportunity, but everything about it seemed off to Delphine. There was no interview process, and it was so incredibly sudden. What had it been, about four days since that dreadful night shift when Leekie had been waiting for her outside her apartment? It made… no sense… And yet, argument from ignorance suggested that this was exactly what it was. A job. The only way Delphine could explain the suddenness of it all was that this research company needed a lot of new people to get working as soon as possible. And the fact that Leekie had a certain amount of sway in the world of science probably helped speed things along too. She was pretty certain of that, really. 

Her eyes flicked to the clock on the wall. She had been grateful to find that it was a silent sweep clock. She couldn’t stand the constant tick-tock that counted down her life, laughed at her every time she wasted hours of said life curled up in a ball, having midnight terrors, or just unable to get up due to her intense misery. She could feel herself shrink back into her head, so she looked at the clock again to actually read the time (she had not registered it the first time). She read 5:30. Sighing, she got up. She walked around her apartment, and then suddenly had an idea.

 

She grabbed her notebook from her handbag, and slipped into the Communications Room, and spent an hour putting all of her own personal research into the database that would connect to her work computer. Working as solidly as she did in her thin pyjamas, it was the most alive she had felt in months.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Delphine was trying to find the office that Scott had told her to meet her in, but the more incorrect left turns and right corridors she took, the more angered she felt at Scott for not being more specific. She was going to be late to her meeting with Scott, but there was, however, an upside to this aimless walking. She had worked out the location of the labs, the canteen and the offices of nearly everyone… except the management. Huffing, she sped up a little down the deathly empty hallway, thinking that she could at least spare five minutes of the fifteen she was meant to have with Scott before meeting Niehaus. She swerved right down a sparse hallway and then suddenly found herself on the floor, having collided (with some force) with a small woman, who also seemed surprised to find her arse on the cold floor. Delphine’s senses caught up with her, and then she noticed that there were papers all over the floor around them. They weren’t hers, so she guessed that the woman had dropped them because of their crash. For a moment, they looked at each other, totally bemused. Then Delphine’s manners returned to her, and she scrambled to her knees and began sprouting apology after apology, picking up the papers for the other woman.

 

Together they worked, until finally the small (dreadlocked) woman had a large pile of half empty folders and loose sheets in her arms once more. She had waved away nearly every apology that Delphine had offered unto her, smiling with such…genuineness… that Delphine could do nothing but smile back at her. Much like it had with Scott the day before, smiling felt odd to her, the muscles unpractised and unsure, but she did not stop. Just as the younger, smaller woman was moving down the hallway again to get back to her own business, Delphine realised that she had someone here with knowledge that she could tap for the whereabouts of Scott’s office. She gently touched the woman’s arm to stop her going away again and felt the woman stiffen slightly. She quickly let go, but voiced her question all the same. The brunette woman hummed her agreement, and asked Delphine to follow her.

 

“Wow, you’re pretty far away from that wing! You must have gotten pretty lost! Luckily for you, I’m going the same way.” Her eyes crinkled with a humour that only she understood, but it was so endearing that Delphine was enraptured by this woman. She had been very nervous before, but this woman seemed to quell any fears she had before. If she was lucky enough to see this woman every day, it might not make every day so hard to face. Even if the woman never spoke to her again, Delphine could at least appreciate the definition of this woman’s legs (highlighted by her navy high heel ankle boots) for now.

 

“May I ask what you do here?” Delphine asked the small woman, wanting to know how she could get a chance to spend some more time with her in the future. She had guessed from her younger age that she was a sort of lab technician, but she wanted to be sure.

 

“Oh, I do a bit of this and that. I’m kind of involved in every sector of the research we’re doing here at Topside, but I’m not in any team or anything. I suppose you could call me a glorified Q…” She smiled at Delphine, waiting for her to acknowledge the reference. Delphine didn’t know what she meant though, so she could not laugh at it.

 

“Q…?” She asked, her brows drawing together.

 

The shorter woman looked at her closely. “You know, James Bond?” At Delphine’s bank face, the woman stopped in the middle of the corridor they were currently walking down. “Are you telling me that you’ve never seen _any_ James Bond films? Or at least, any of the 21 films in the Bond collection that Q appears in? Ah, well, he’s like, an inventions guy, and totally makes the films. He invents all these cool gadgets and tells James Bond what they all do and then sort of breaks the sacrificial bottle on the metaphorical boat as Bond sails off into the sunset on his many adventures…” Delphine’s concentration faltered, and she stopped listening. Instead, her attention was stolen by watching the brunette’s free hand that wasn’t holding the papers fly around in a smooth rhythm, which accompanied the changes in tone and volume of the owner’s voice. It was incredibly soothing, and Delphine felt almost weak at the knees watching it. No… experiencing it. Delphine felt like it was almost an honour to be exposed to this, and she didn’t just _watch_ it… she _felt_ it… The woman had stopped moving her hand and seemed to be waiting for a response from Delphine. Unsure of what to say, the blonde haired woman simply nodded and said something about the whole thing making more sense now. Delphine laughed dryly at herself when she realised she had already set the record for the first lie. She was going to be lying a lot more in the months to come, but Delphine still felt annoyed at herself that her first white lie had been told to a woman she wanted to undress right then and there. 

 

The woman had stopped outside a grey door, and was looking at Delphine expectantly. Still only just having dismissed her thoughts of how this woman’s strong arms would feel pumping those beringed fingers into her, Delphine took a long time to understand what she was doing, just staring at her. Did she want to kiss her too? _Oh, I see, this must be Scott’s office,_ she thought to herself, only marginally disappointed. She looked at the door and then back at the woman, still not sure what to do. The brunette caught her look of confusion.

 

“Don’t you have a…? Oh, darn Scott must have forgotten. I’ll speak to him. Sorry about that, Delphine, I really should have written everything down for him, I see that now, but it was all so last minute…” Delphine’s ears pricked up. She’d said her name.

 

Looking at the woman, she asked her, brows knitted, “Sorry, but how do you know my name?” The brunette seemed caught off guard, but recovered but a moment after.

 

“Well I’m Q, I need to know everything to make the best preparations. I knew that there was a new scientist coming today called Delphine. You were walking around the wrong end of the building, clearly lost; I simply put two and two together.” She beamed at Delphine, and it was disarming that Delphine was quite knocked by it. 

 

“Well then, Q, you knew my name, did so for the duration of our whole conversation, and yet kept me in the dark about who _you_ were. Clearly you can see that it is only fair you tell me _your_ name”

 

The woman as about to speak, her mouth opening, clearly preparing a witty response, when the thick grey metal door opened to reveal a slightly sweaty Scott, his face awkward as usual, his old-fashioned glasses slightly wonky on his face.

 

“Cosima! I thought I recognised your voice!” His head snapped to Delphine. “Delphine! I was wondering where you had gotten to! I suppose you’re both in time for the meeting we needed, so why don’t we go ahead and start right away?”

 

Delphine felt her whole body sink. The fun humour, near elation she had felt at spending a small amount of time with this fascinating woman fell away. This was _Cosima Niehaus…_ Delphine almost couldn’t believe it. She was far too young. But then Delphine had to admit that she could only have been a couple of years younger than herself. Cosima Niehaus. The woman she had been sent to beguile, cheat and ruin… Delphine was so angry she could have kicked the door. Why, of all people, did the cool woman have to be the one person she had to take everything from? _Putain…_

 

Cosima looked at her almost sheepishly, and Delphine realised that she must have mistaken Delphine’s anger (clear on her face) for anger at having been duped by her boss. Despite the fact that Delphine had forced herself to hate this woman (because, of course, it made everything easier), she didn’t want her to think that she was angry at _her_ … No, she was angry at…the universe? She softened her features and gave Cosima a small smile, almost nervous. She had to get in this woman’s good books, and quickly. For starters, Cosima was probably laughing at her for not knowing who she was. Delphine could have kicked herself, now. What idiot doesn’t do research on the actual employer before starting work? It was the first rule of schmoozing! Delphine wasn’t given more time to think about this, as Cosima had clearly moved into Business Mode; she had put the folders down on what was clearly own her own desk. This must be a shared office then. Somehow, it made sense. Cosima led all three of them to a sort of relaxation area; there were two sofas and a coffee table, a rug topping it all off. The juxtaposition of the small areas in the lab-like, almost sterile office was quite clear to Delphine. When Delphine had taken a precarious seat, refusing to relax into it just for the sake of maintaining whatever dignity she had left, Cosima started talking.

 

“So, Delphine. I’m going to start off by apologising to you. What I did was kind of uncool… I should have introduced myself from the start, but I wanted to get to know _you_ and not your _sycophantic_ self, if that can be said in any polite way at all. But yeah, I’m sorry.” Delphine didn’t want to hear this. Her mind was screaming at Cosima to stop talking. She didn’t want to know that Cosima was actually being decent; she wanted to maintain her evil mental image, keeping her as someone who deserved to have their work stolen. This apology was only making Delphine see her as everything evidence pointed towards; the cool, laid back woman who ensured her employees were supplied with plenty of marijuana. Cosima continued, both of her hands now free, and completely unrestrained, able to express the feeling behind her words.

 

“You must know already that we were looking for a replacement for a member of our research team. We took a recommendation from a… an acquaintance of yours, Dr Aldous Leekie. But you know all of this. I don’t know what Leekie told you specifically, however, about why we needed such a quick replacement, so I’m just gonna take you through what happened a couple of weeks ago. We were working on a prototype with a group of our human volunteers, all of whom suffer from Follicular Lymphoma. One of the members of our team… well, let’s just say he made a very stupid, fatal mistake, and it ended in the death of three of our human volunteers. He insists it was a mistake, although that is yet to be determined. Anyway, however much of an accident it was, you can’t come back from a mistake like that, so we had to take him off the team. It was safer for everyone, even if he wasn’t attempting to sabotage our research team.” Delphine was so stunned she didn’t even freeze. Her body made no reaction other than her brain floating in what seemed to be the space just after a jump off a diving board. There was nothing around her, no stable footing anywhere, and Delphine didn’t know what to do or say. It did not help that Cosima was looking right at her, her formerly soft eyes hardening. Delphine began to panic. What could she say that didn’t sound guilty? Cosima didn’t give her a chance, thankfully. She continued with her eyes soft once more. 

 

“Now, we hired you to act as a replacement for this former employee, but I have found enough people willing to take his place, all somewhat overqualified, so I have decided to set up a whole different sub-team, which should split he workload in half and help us to find a cure much more quickly. We’re pretty close to a conclusion, I’m thinking maybe seven months, maybe a little more, but then we will have the cure for this terrible cancer. I would personally like to thank you for accepting the job, and coming to work with us on this. We need excellent brains like yours, and I’m sure that with you at the helm of our sub-team, we can go even further than we imagined.”

 

There was so much information in this small monologue that Delphine could only sit in stunned silence for a few seconds, taking it all in. What had she stepped into? Scientific espionage… _already happening_ … This could only mean disaster for Delphine. If they had already had to deal with one spy, they would be on high alert for anyone else snooping where they shouldn’t be. 

 

“I am very grateful for your very welcoming introduction,” Delphine responded, talking slowly, for some reason her French accent seeming thicker than it usually did, even in her own mouth. She chose her words carefully. “and for the warmth with which you have already taken care of me.” She looked at Scott and smiled. He had been watching the two women through the whole of Cosima’s introduction. “I very much hope that I can live up to your expectations of me. I am very eager to be working on this with you, and I also hope that we can find a cure as soon as possible, to make sure the suffering of those ailing from this cancer can be halted.” She didn’t really want to know the answer to her next question, but curiosity got the better of her. “Um, if I may…what is happening with the…spy? Is there a court case investigating this?” There was a beat before Cosima responded.

 

“There would have been a full on court case looking into him, but the circumstances have changed. He suffered a fatal heart attack of one of our jets.”

 

Delphine was going to fucking _kill_ Leekie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. This turned out to be muuuuccchh darker than I had originally planned for. Oh well, I seem to have found an affinity for angst that I didn't formerly know about. Will it get lighter in the following chapters? No, I don't think so. Hold out, chums. I have faith in this story, so you should too! ;)
> 
> HermioneSpencer


	5. A Double Helix: Interweaving but Never Touching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few f-bombs here, just in case you wanna be warned about that!  
> 

Delphine had met her team just as her meeting with Cosima and Scott had wrapped up; they had overrun, but Cosima made a comment about how she always went to see who had arrived fifteen minutes after she should because it gave everyone time to get there and she hoped that someday someone would do the same thing for her. Cosima had given her all the information she would need about her posting, and then Delphine had been taken to her own office workspace to meet the team she should be working with for the next indefinite amount of time. There was an eclectic mix in the team which was lovely so see; Cosima introduced her to Isaac Naude, a man in his late 30s from South Africa, Colin whom she had met previously, Eric Vasa who had just left Harvard studying genetics, a woman around Delphine’s age called Heidi Obinger, a biologist from Germany, and a surprisingly young girl called Kira Manning, who couldn’t be more than 17 years old. Delphine didn’t get much information on Kira when they were introduced, but she gathered that the young girl was here to help with the admin and processing, not so much to contribute scientifically (even though she seemed like a highly intelligent girl; Delphine decided she would quiz her on how much she knew later on).

 

The team were delightful, and Delphine was quite taken with them. From the get go, when they started discussing the progress that Topside had made already, it was clear that despite their range of expertise and very marked differences in personalities, Cosima had put together a team that had a clear passion for the science, and they worked very well together. It should have made her delighted, it should have made it easy to get to work, it should have made everything seem ten times smoother than it would have been if Delphine had been given a hostile team, but the more she grew to work with them and get to know them, the more uncomfortable Delphine grew. She wished more than anything for someone to snap, to claim that the others’ ideas were stupid and should not even be considered, that they should scrap everything Topside had done so far and start again afresh because they knew the way to go, but no one ever did. They were humble, kind, and all exceedingly intelligent. Kira seemed to know about the science in excellent detail as well, much to Delphine’s mixed delight and despair. She also made excellent coffee.

 

To everyone except Delphine, the first day of the sub-team was an absolute success; there was some headway made, the team bonded and the science was already being developed with the copious amount of theories that they brought to the table. To everyone except Delphine, the rate at which they worked meant that the cure could be completed closer to the 6 month range than to the year they had provided for. To everyone except Delphine, everything looked perfect.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

As Delphine sat in the now empty office after a full day of brainstorming, research and endless medicinal science, she oddly remembered Leekie’s reminder not to turn off her phone. She hadn’t done so, but she also hadn’t even looked at it. She hardly used the thing anymore; she had nobody to talk to. She cast her mind back to where she had left it this time and surmised that it was probably in her suitcase, which she had obviously left at her apartment. She would check it when she got back and see if Leekie had sent her any messages, but for now, she was busy getting all of the work that the team had done that day sorted out, saving them as fully checked and ordered files, having been combed through meticulously by a diligent Delphine. 

 

Cosima had demonstrated her unconventional methods of leading today, when she told Delphine that they would not be getting any access to the research or files – anything at all – that day, until they had had a chance to sit down and brainstorm everything that the team had brought with them. At first, Delphine was marginally shocked (and quite miffed, if she was honest with herself) that they were going to be kept further in the dark about what they were working on. It didn’t make sense. It was like being told you had to help a group of people climb out of a 30 foot hole without help, when the person who told you to do it was withholding their own ladder. But, Delphine had to admit that her team had proved their worth. With no facts to limit their thought process, no tried and tested methods that they all already knew about, it had given them the freedom to run through lists and lists of ideas on how to stop the illness. Just at this moment, Delphine was entering ideas on how to keep the tumours that originated in the uterus from spreading to the lungs; Heidi had come up with an (albeit precarious) improvement of the idea of targeting the metastatic cells in the womb using microfluid technology, which was amazing. Delphine was very impressed with the way her team had worked today, and she admitted that Cosima had done the right thing.

 

Scott’s voice pervaded through the thick door and into Delphine’s new office.

 

_“Yeah, yeah, goodnight already, Cos! See you tomorrow!”_

 

Delphine couldn’t help but smile at the man’s perpetually nervous voice, always shaky and almost uncertain of its own existence. Realising he must be going home now (seeing as it was 7:30 and nobody should really still be in the building), her mind flitted to Cosima, and how she must still be in her office, now presumably on her own. Everyone in her own sub-team had gone home, but she didn’t know about the other team that Cosima led herself. _Cos…_ she thought to herself. _What a cute shortening. It suits her._

 

Delphine could feel the cogs of her brain whirring, and before she even realised it, she had knocked on Cosima’s office door. After a moment of silence, Cosima’s confused voice allowed entry. Delphine opened the door slowly, and poked her head through the little gap she had created. Cosima was on one of her sofas at the back of her office, shoes kicked off on the rug, her petite legs stretched out but unable to fill the whole sofa that they lay across. Her laptop’s skin was a quirky DNA design. For some reason, it made perfect sense with everything that Delphine knew about Cosima. The brunette’s glasses were propped up on the top of her head, resting on the undulating grooves that were the woman’s dreadlocks. She was squinting at the door, in an attempt to make out who was at the door. Realising she wasn’t wearing her glasses she quickly replaced them on the bridge of her nose, restoring her vision.

 

“Ah, Delphine!” she smiled, her toothy grin disarming Delphine, even when she hadn’t been wearing any armour in the first place. “Sorry, totally couldn’t see you there.” She winked at Delphine and a shiver ran down her spine as she thought about how gorgeous this small miracle was. “Why are you still here? You should have left ages ago!”

 

She got up from the sofa, placing her laptop on the coffee table and walked to the door, opening it all the way and inviting Delphine inside her office. Delphine knew she was imagining it, but this time around, it felt endlessly more intimate than when Scott opened the door to the both of them. Thinking about Cosima’s question, she decided not to answer, because she wasn’t really sure why she had stayed herself, but knowing that her insomnia definitely played a part in it.

 

Delphine entered into the office through the now widely opened door, now rethinking her impulsive decision to knock on Cosima’s door. It definitely hadn’t been wise, and all Delphine was doing was raising the risk of letting something slip. But, she was here now, so she decided she may as well carry on now; it wasn’t as if she could just walk out again.

 

“Hi, Cosima… I was wondering if you could help me…” Delphine thought quickly, realising she had to have a reason for being here. “I’m not sure how to find the files I sent to myself this morning from my apartment. Please may you show me how I might find them?”

 

Cosima nodded her head, her whole body seeming to ripple with the movement. She pushed her glasses up her nose; something that Delphine had already noticed might be a habit, instead of an actual need to move the frames.

 

“Sure, sure I can do that. Please, lead the way!” Delphine, surprised at Cosima’s readiness, attempted to move. With an initially stuttering gait, she finally sorted herself out and made her way to her own office, Cosima walking behind her. She blushed when she thought about what she must have looked like, her knees locking as she tried to move.

 

She pushed those thoughts away when she got to her own computer, still open on Heidi’s microfluid plan. Cosima stood in front of the monitor, but didn’t immediately go to open any files. Instead she started reading through Delphine’s notes, reading Heidi’s idea and everything else Delphine had already noted down. She adjusted her glasses to read from the screen, her brows furrowed in concentration. She looked at Delphine.

 

“Is this the work you did today? All of this?” Cosima asked, her eyes returning to the monitor.

 

“Oh, yes. The team are phenomenal. I’m very honoured to be working with a team with such a good set of brains!” Delphine smiled at Cosima.

 

“Well, I’m glad that you’ve done so awesomely. But, if you haven’t gained access to the files you sent this morning, did you not use them today? You could have asked any one of us to open the linked database for you, we want to make sure you and your whole team are entirely comfortable working here, you know that?” Cosima had now started to open up the database to get the files.

 

“Oh of course, I could have asked but I felt like I wanted to know what everyone else had to say before I dumped all of my own ideas on them. I’ve never led a team before, and I didn’t want to start by dominating it. I let them speak first, and then gave a few of my ideas at the end, but we didn’t really finish, so we’ll be doing more sharing tomorrow and then hopefully we can get the research that you have!” Delphine spoke quickly but she wasn’t sure why.

 

When Delphine had reached the end of her sentence, Cosima had stopped her business with the computer, clearly having called up the folders of work she sent. She beamed at Delphine again.

 

“That’s totally awesome. That was some very impressive work, so clearly you’re a natural leader. And, if I may say so, this work here also looks like it kicks some ass. And a lot of work too, considering you sent it this morning. I’m guessing you copied up work you already had done, but can I ask if you had any help on this work?”

 

I looked at her, slightly confused. “No, that work is all my own. I started working on it when Leekie came to me with the job.”

 

“Shit, that’s not even a week! Damn, Delphine, never mind the brains of your team, your brain is bad ass enough to slay demons with your thoughts. That’s really awesome.”

 

Delphine was slightly embarrassed. She wasn’t sure that she wanted Cosima to read her notes; they could be absolute shit compared to the level that Topside was at, but there was a small part of her that forced her to allow Cosima to scroll through her work. That small part of her was trying to convince her that there was a slight chance that Cosima _wasn’t_ mocking her, and was genuinely impressed with what she saw. Delphine hoped that was the case. 

 

Cosima spoke up again. “Okay, come here and let me show you how to work this properly.” Delphine gingerly stepped closer to the monitor. Cosima laughed at her tiny step, took a hold of her arm, and pulled her closer. It wasn’t a hard grip, but it felt like Cosima had gripped Delphine’s heart. She suppressed her gasp, and focussed instead on what Cosima was trying to show her. She took her through the steps of accessing the folders, but even though it was right in front of her face, she could only think about the part of her arm that Cosima had touched. Her hand was no longer there, but that did not stop Delphine from feeling it there still now. Cosima, satisfied that she had shown her enough for her to work it herself, stepped away and made her way to the door. Only then did Delphine notice that she was still barefoot. She couldn’t help but giggle out loud; Cosima looked at her curiously, and her lips rose on one side of her face, creating an impish grin.

 

“What’s so funny?” Delphine looked at her feet, leading Cosima to do the same. “Oh, come on, what? Are my feet hilarious or something? They may be small, but they’ve carried me my whole life and I am indebted to them, so I must preserve their honour… especially when tall beautiful women with larger feet laugh at them.”

 

Only one word registered with Delphine’s brain. _She just called me beautiful…_ Her eyes caught Cosima’s, and the shorter woman seemed to realise what she had said. Her smile didn’t change though; her comment didn’t seem to faze her one iota. She looked right into Delphine’s eyes.

 

“I won’t deny it, Delphine. You’re gorgeous. But that does not give you the right to cuss my feet.” Her face turned mock-serious. “Don’t do it again, or there’ll be trouble.” The smile returned to her face when Delphine laughed at her again. 

 

“Seriously though, Delphine, that work you have is amazing, considering you haven’t even seen the super important and secret research we keep here. It took us months to get as far as you have in a matter of days. That’s freaking rad, so props to you. I’m guessing your work with Dr Duncan in France helped, right? Gaw, it’s so long since I saw him last. Like, we’re talking at least five years here! How is he, do you know?” Delphine was quite hopelessly lost right now.

 

“Dr Duncan? What do you mean? Who…?” Delphine asked, not sure what to make of this. Cosima stopped, and there was a darkness in her eyes that Delphine had never thought could manifest itself in a place that had seemed so bright.

 

“Ah, never mind, I think I got confused. I must have read something wrong somewhere. It doesn’t matter. Anyway, it’s late, so you should really get home. We have to close up shop soon, and I would hate to accidentally lock you in the building overnight. And with that, she had slipped out of the room, and was gone.

 

Delphine didn’t know what had just happened, but she knew very well that she had just gone and fucked something up.

 

Quickly packing everything up, not even looking at the files she had just gone through a bit of effort to get, she hurried home, chauffeured by Paul, with a gut feeling that was making her physically sick. She was pretty sure she knew what had just transpired, what mistake she had already made. For fuck’s sake, it was day one!

 

As soon as she had jumped out of the car, throwing a quick thanks to a sombre Paul (only later would she realise that he had stayed over two hours outside the main building, waiting to take her home) and sprinted to her apartment. She flew in through the door, flung open her suitcase and rummaged around inside, finally fishing out her unused mobile phone. She was correct, she had not turned it off, but the screen held some very bad news. 

 

_**18 missed calls: Aldous Leekie** _  
_**12 unread messages: Aldous Leekie** _

 

Delphine’s fingers had never moved so fast, unlocking her phone and reading through the messages. The first one had a folder attached, Scared, she opened up the folder, and her eyes flew across the screen, line after line after line, until there it was, the thing that had given her away.

 

_Dr Ethan Duncan_

 

Leekie had sent her a fake CV, pumped up with fake experience, fake jobs and fake everything and she hadn’t read it. Cosima had been sent it, of course she fucking had, and she’d read it all, like the conscientious person that she was, and had tried to make conversation with Delphine, just like she had told her to do with her own team when Cosima had handed her files on each of them.

 

How the hell was she going to get out of this mistake? If Cosima had seen that she had no recollection of a man she had “worked with” for two whole years, then Delphine was absolutely fucked. Cosima would rat her out immediately, and she would probably die on a jet too. Delphin could not afford to make any more mistakes like this, she had been rash, she had believed it would be plain sailing, but there was more to this than she realised.

 

Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself, and then dialled Leekie’s number. She hated the man, but she was not going to fuck this up for herself. No, no more fuck ups. 

 

She cringed as Leekie’s abrasive voice answered the phone, clearly very unhappy, and full of wrath. 

 

_C’est reparti…_

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- 

 

“I need to know that it won’t backfire on us, Cosima, that’s all. It’s super dangerous shit, and I don’t know how comfortable I am with it, considering how invested we all are.”

 

“Ach, I know Scotty, I know… but hey, you’ve already seen how good she is at the science. She will get us good results, I know it. I didn’t expect her to be as good as she is, but we have to trust… I dunno, trust the Gods, if you will. It’ll be okay. I promise.” Cosima was lying on the sofa with her laptop on her laps, and Scott was on the opposite one, leaning conspiratorially, his elbows on his knees. He sniffed, and stood up.

 

“Okay, Cosima. But the moment it looks like it’s gonna go to shit for us, I am calling the whole thing off, and I don’t care what you say. You mean too much to too many people. We’ve already lost Beth and Katja, we refuse to lose you too.” He removed his lab coat and moved to hang it up in the corner of their shared office. He looked back at a Cosima, who was staring at her laptop, not seeing the screen; instead appearing to be in deep thought. “I’m heading home now, Cos. I hope you won’t be too far behind me, for your own sake.” He sighed and shuffled to his desk to put on his Sherpa jacket. Before he could leave the office, Cosima called out to him.

 

“Wait, Scotty. Come here, give us a hug. I don’t want you to leave all worried and frowning. It doesn’t suit your fluffy disposition. Goodnight, Scotty.” She got up, and hugged him tightly, not letting him see the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. Blinking furiously, she only released him from her hug when she was sure they were gone. Scott smiled at her somewhat sadly, and then left the office.

 

She heard him walking down the hallway, and she quickly stuck her head out into the hallway, calling out another goodbye to him.

 

“Yeah, yeah, goodnight already, Cos! See you tomorrow!” She chuckled, and then plumped herself back onto the sofa, getting back to reading Delphine Cormier’s CV on her laptop. It was impressive. Very impressive, for someone who seemed so unsure of her own ability… unsure of herself? Cosima didn’t know what to make of her, but then again, Cosima was someone so sure of herself; she had (mentally) told everyone to go and fuck themselves from a very young age, and so whenever she came across shy people, she found it hard to understand them. She was all for outspoken confidence, but it did sometimes make her come across as brash, sometimes even crude; she made it clear what she wanted (but this did not mean that she took it by force) and often people found they were quite willing to give whatever it was to her.

 

Suddenly there was a knock at her office door. She froze, trying to work out who it was. If Scott had forgotten something, he wouldn’t knock; this was his own office, and everyone else had gone home… hadn’t they…?

 

“Yeah…?” She called out, her curiosity peaked. The door opened, slowly, revealing a mass of something blurry and golden. Cosima squinted. _What…?_ She realised with a chuckle that she had propped her glasses atop her head when she had gone back to reading Delphine’s CV.  
“Ah, Delphine!” She said, not even needing the glasses now once again on her nose to recognise the now obvious halo of golden curls. 

 

_She looks so nervous…_

 

Cosima smiled at her, trying to reassure the woman who looked so terrified. She continued, trying to put her at ease with some humour. “Sorry, totally couldn’t see you there.” She winked at her, alluding to her lack of glasses mere moments before. If anything, this only served to make Delphine more uncomfortable; she looked at the floor, avoiding Cosima’s eyes.

 

_Okay Cos, cool the lesbian vibes. She probably has a boyfriend at home. It’s not like you can even get with her anyway, is it? Scott would never allow it._

 

Having allowed her into the office, asking her why she was here, she now observed the tall, slender woman who was standing opposite her. _Yeah, Felix was right. Totally willowy._

 

Cosima was surprised when she learnt what Delphine wanted her for. It was a really simple process. She was _so sure_ that she had told Scott to take her through it. But, then again, Scott was just as much of a scatterbrain as she was, so she could hardly blame him. She knew the pain of forgetting everything unless it was all written down.

 

Following Delphine to her office, Cosima wondered why Delphine had ignored her question of why she was still here, at such a late hour. She guessed it was because the blonde woman wanted to make sure she looked eager to work, as if she was trying to get into Cosima’s good books. Cosima wasn’t sure how she felt about that; she didn’t like sycophants, but staying _this_ late could hardly be attention seeking. Maybe she as nervous to go home to an apartment she didn’t know. Cosima could understand that. 

 

As she entered Delphine’s new office, she was hit with a surprise smell: Delphine’s perfume had already taken over the room. It was actually very nice; not too overpowering. It caressed her nose, Cosima thought. She walked over to the monitor at Delphine’s invitation. Her eye was immediately caught with the information on the screen. This wasn’t the same stuff that she’d seen earlier when she had seen what Delphine had sent herself… no, this was just as good (if not better), but of course it had its flaws, as every early plan does. She wasn’t sure, but she felt like Delphine had left it there for her to see. Was this her work? _Is she showing me to show me that she knows that I already know about the stuff she sent to herself and that it doesn’t matter because she has this now? Does she know I’ve read it? That I’ve ch-_ Cosima forced herself to stop jumping to conclusions. Of course she didn’t know; she’d only just got here.

 

“Is this the work you did today? All of this?” She asked, trying to see if Delphine reacted in any way that may reveal her inner thoughts, but the woman was a good actress. Cosima complimented her, saying nothing in particular, in a vague attempt to appease the woman. She plastered her winning grin on her face, knowing that it usually calmed people down, looking at a face as open as hers. It was a very useful weapon; calm people down, and then stick them with a sharp knife and twisting it. They had their guard down, and were vulnerable. Cosima hadn’t got so far in life being honest and genuine. Nobody could do. Bad things had to be done, she knew that very well.

 

In this case, the knife she stuck was asking if she had received any help on the notes that she had now opened for Delphine. The blonde woman seemed surprised at the question, which was odd to Cosima. There was _no way_ that Delphine could have come up with so much on her own… When she had seen it this morning, she had been _so sure_ that Leekie had given her some help. But, of course, she could be lying. Cosima just didn’t _know,_ and that pissed her off no end. She did not get rid of the smile on her face, and instead complimented Delphine some more. If she wanted her plan to work, she had to make sure that Delphine liked her. That was pivotal, and she couldn’t slip up. She considered this, and then decided her next move. _Fuck sexuality, no one can resist uncomfortable proximity._

 

She brought Delphine over to the computer and stood as close to her as she dared, taking her through the process that was so simple that she was certain that Delphine couldn’t possibly have needed her help for it, and then when she was done, abruptly moved away. Usually that sudden loss of closeness to a person made them feel your absence more, and Cosima hoped that it had had the desired effect.

 

Instead, Delphine laughed at her, which hadn’t been the plan. _Oh, of course, my shoes – or lack thereof…_ she smiled to herself. If Delphine wasn’t used to this informality in the workplace, she’d have to get used to a lot more as she worked here longer; Cosima couldn’t be doing with too many rules and regulations. She flirted a little more, cementing the work that she had done just before, buttering Delphine up, softening her… _and now… the knife…_

 

“I’m guessing your work with Dr Duncan in France helped, right? Gaw, it’s so long since I saw him last. Like, we’re talking at least five years here! How is he, do you know?” 

 

 _There it is. I fucking_ KNEW _it._

 

She would tell Scott as soon as she could, but for now, she had to attempt to wipe away any concerns that the blonde woman had.

 

“Ah, never mind, I think I got confused. I must have read something wrong somewhere. It doesn’t matter.” She had to get out of here; she couldn’t talk to this girl any more. She needed some space to breathe.

 

Finally escaping the blonde woman’s office, she hurried back to her own. She practically ran to her laptop. It was on standby, but when she had it working again, she could see it there, bright as day on the screen. _Dr Ethan Duncan._

 

 _No fucking way. It’s not possible._ Cosima had known, but she hadn’t wanted to accept it. She got her phone out and sent a hurried message to Scott.

 

**You were right… we’ve got a live one.**


	6. The Power of Repulsion

_“Delphine, be quiet and let me speak. Stop squawking! Look at it from my point of view. I give you a job that provides you with decent accommodation, you’ve essentially been given a whole security blanket that I am not personally involved in – and then you disappear! You_ must _see that it looked – to me – as if you had abandoned our plan. As if you had run away, if you will. Of course, that didn’t make sense because we_ both _know that that would never have worked, but I was beginning to actually believe it. What do you have to say for yourself? Now you can speak._ "

Delphine ears were almost beginning to drown out Leekie’s oh-so-dulcet tones, but when his tone had flicked up at the end, asking the question, her mind mentally slapped itself to keep it aware. What with the long day she’d had, she was surprised she was still awake, let alone holding a phone conversation with someone she couldn’t see.

 

“I’m _sorry_ Aldous! I just- I don’t know; that’s all I can say! I don’t have a _reason_ or an _excuse!_ The only thing that I can say is that I don’t use my phone anymore – it’s become a habit to set it down somewhere and forget about it for weeks on end. I _never_ intended to run, please don’t insult me by suggesting that I am foolish enough to do such a thing. I’m telling the truth – it was stupid of me, I know, but I _forgot!_ ”

 

 _“Delphine…”_ He sounded calmer now, but Delphine knew that this hardly meant that she was safe. If anything, she was probably more in danger; Leekie had the alarming ability to be able to make you feel safe and secure even if he was holding a gun to your head. It was potent and, at times, quite addictive; the thrilling mixture of danger and attraction had seduced Delphine from the very beginning, and she had only recently managed to forget what it felt like. But it was back again, and Delphine could feel his pull as his soft words lulled her defences.

 

 _“I should hate for you to be lying to me. Right now, I am undecided, but I am willing to accept what you say for now. Unfortunately, I had to take immediate action when you…_ missed… _my calls.”_ He stressed the word as if challenging Delphine’s story. _“You understand that this cannot happen again, don’t you?”_ Delphine nodded her head vigorously, but remembered that she was on the phone, so she forced her dry throat to create a sound that could have been taken as some sort of assent. _“Now, I hate to be blunt, but I do own you, don’t I? I don’t think Detective Arthur Bell would like to find out that you were perverting the course of justice all along, would he? To think… Danielle Four-”_

 

“Don’t say her name! _Don’t say her fucking name,_ Leekie! _Merde._ How dare you? It’s enough that you involved me that anyway, you do not have the _right_ to say her name.”

 

 _“And you do? Do you think she would want_ you _saying her name? I doubt that very much, Delphine. You are far from blameless in that mess. Which is why you can’t run away from this, you see? You_ have _to follow this through. Now, as I was saying. I took immediate action. I sent a colleague of mine to visit Topside. She should be arriving the day after tomorrow. She was meant to locate you and bring you back on task, but instead I will have her work on something else, you don’t need to worry about that. But, she_ will _be reporting your progress to me after she has everything she needs. And you will make it easy for her by doing what she says. Her name is Marion Bowles. Ah, and another thing. Once she is gone, you will call me at the end of every day and take me through it… every detail. I do not like having to force such… harsh regulation… upon you, Delphine, I know you work best alone, and this does increase our chances of being discovered, but your foolish misstep has forced my hand. Now, you told me that it was Dr Ethan Duncan that Cosima asked you about, yes?”_

 

“Yes. Apparently she knows him personally – that’s what it sounded like, at any rate. I think she said that it was – oh, um, four or five years since she has seen him, though?”

 

 _“Yes, I am aware of this connection. We involved him for that very reason. He is sick, unfortunately for him, but it is dementia that has a hold of him, now, so it was the perfect cover. If she had gone to ask him about you, it made sense if he didn’t remember you. I had not prepared for the eventuality in which_ you _were the one with the memory loss. But what’s done is done. This is what you are going to do now.”_

 

Delphine paid close attention to Leekie’s words now. She had fucked up already, and Leekie was clearly unhappy… she didn’t want to test him any more than she already had. She knew all too well what would happen when angered enough. She would do it. She would get the research, and she would burn down Topside if she had to; for now, all she could currently think about was finally escaping Leekie’s lecherous grasp and the terrible past that he embodied.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Once again, Delphine found herself outside Cosima’s office, waiting for a response after her cold knuckles had rapped on the smooth metal door, but this time, there was no nervous excitement at the possibility of spending some time alone with Cosima, with a giddy feeling making her bounce on the balls of her feet. No, this time, Delphine felt… a bizarre mixture of fear and...embarrassment…? Delphine supposed that that was because of what she was about to do next. Delphine knew that Leekie had told her to do this specifically as a punishment for leaving her phone unattended. She didn’t want to do this, but really, she knew she didn’t have another choice – Leekie was right when he said it was the most plausible explanation, but that did not make it any less humiliating.

 

The door opened, revealing a bleary-eyed Scott.

 

“Delphine! Um, good morning?” he seemed to pose it as a question, which baffled Delphine, but she responded nonetheless.

 

“Good morning Scott! How are you?” he seemed surprised by this question, and Delphine wondered how he had avoided human contact for so many years to be surprised at such a social nicety. A voice sounded from inside the office.

 

“Sorry, Delphine! Ignore Scott, he knows the ‘hellos’ and ‘goodbyes’ but no matter how many times I try to help him, he can’t respond to questions. He has a script, but I’m pretty sure it consists solely of ‘Scott: vague mumbling’.” Delphine couldn’t see her face, but everything in her voice suggested that she was teasing Scott.

 

“Oh, come on, Cosima! That was _one time,_ and it was for prom! And it made sense, too. Charity wasn’t really capable of much thought, so a script was a safe bet! It worked, anyway. And you can’t talk – you didn’t get a date to prom at all!” Scott had allowed Delphine into the office at this point, and she could now see the small brunette.

 

“Oh, low blow Scott. Very low blow. You wound me.” Cosima looked hurt, pressing a hand over her heart, but her eyes held nothing but amusement in their depths. Delphine’s breath hitched. How could one person’s eyes hold so much? How could eyes be so fundamentally expressive? The bespectacled woman in question brought Delphine back from her thoughts with her lively voice. “So, Doctor Cormier, what can Scotty and I do for you? Anything you need in particular? Can I treat you to a sherbet lemon? My sister loves them and now I’m hooked too. I love England.” Delphine wasn’t sure if she was still joking, but she could see that Cosima was genuinely pointing to a small white paper bag on her desk. Delphine politely declined. She felt horribly nauseous; she had skipped breakfast and even her dinner the night before had been limited to one dry slice of toast, and she still felt sick at the thought of food, so she didn’t want to think about any… sherbet lemons right now. 

 

 _“Non, merci._ I actually wondered if I could speak to you for a moment…” She trailed off, not knowing if it was rude to ask for a private conversation in someone else’s office. It would mean throwing Scott out of his own office, and Delphine began to panic. She didn’t know how to deal with this, she didn’t know if she was being rude, she didn’t know if Cosima would say yes, she didn’t know if Scott would insist upon staying, she didn’t know she didn’t know she didn’t _KNOW!_

 

“You don’t know what, hun?” Cosima walked towards her, away from the filing cabinet she had been stationed at previously. Her voiced pulled Delphine once again out of the whirlpool that was her mind, out of what could have become a full on panic attack. _Oh, merde!_ She had said that out loud! Why would she get het up over something so small?

 

“Oh, um, nothing. But, can I talk to you for a moment? We can talk in the other office if Scott needs this space, or-” she didn’t need to continue because Scott called out that he would leave them to it. He picked up a folder (what was with all of the folders? Seriously, there was so many in this room alone, what could be in them?) and left, smiling slightly at the two women. Delphine let out a soft breath. There. In less than ten seconds, everything she had been fretting about had been sorted! There had been no reason to be so ridiculous. She told herself she had to stop it, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop it if it came again. She was powerless against her mind; when it decided that she would be left shaking in the night, images flashing in front of her eyes, then that is what she would do. Real life snapped its fingers in front of her face, shocking her into paying attention to Cosima, who once again was looking at a vacant Delphine.

 

“Delphine? Are you alright? Do you need some water? You look ill…what’s wrong?” Cosima was now standing right in front of her. She reached a hand out; touching Delphine’s upper left arm. The touch made Delphine audibly gasp, and she recoiled. She knew her face was already turning red. Cosima looked quite hurt, so Delphine tried to save her feelings in any way that she could.

 

“Oh! Cosima, you made me jump! Sorry, I lost myself for a moment there. I didn’t mean to jump like that. Sorry, back on track now.” She shook her head as if to clear her mind of a thick fog. She could see that Cosima was thoroughly confused. Not sure what else to do, she sat down on one of Cosima’s sofas and invited her to sit next to her. Hesitantly, Cosima slowly joined her, almost as if she was scared that sitting down too quickly on the same sofa as Delphine would scare her off like she was a little bird. Delphine took a deep breath and got ready to insult Cosima without her even knowing it. She hated Leekie.

 

“Cosima, I wanted to apologise for last night. I realise that I must have confused you.” _More than I seem to have done right now. Why am I so bad at functioning like a normal person these days?_ Cosima hadn’t given any indication that she knew what Delphine was talking about, but she plunged on anyway. “When you… when you asked about Ethan last night… oh, Cosima, I am sorry, but I was so upset that I froze up! You see, I worked with him up until he had to retire last night…” now was the moment Cosima’s eyes revealed what Delphine was looking for: confusion, but there was also some anger. “Cosima, do you know why he had to retire?” Delphine took this as her opportunity to read Cosima’s face freely.

 

“No, I said last night, it’s been five years since I spoke to him, and even then it was in passing at a conference. Why, Delphine? What happened? He’s fine, right?” 

Delphine’s heart broke when she heard the twinge of Cosima’s voice as if she was a little child. Her eyes held panic; too much panic… it made Delphine’s heart twist like it was a towel being wrung and then hung up to dry. She wanted so badly to stop, to run out of the office and hid under her unfamiliar, uncomfortable bedclothes. But she didn’t, because she was weak. She was so weak, and she found strength in her fear of Leekie. 

And so she continued.

 

“He’s got dementia, Cosima. My- my father died when I was quite young, and he looked after me ever since, about a year afterwards. He became a sort of father figure to me. He sparked my interest in biology, and eventually I became good enough to work in his own genetics team about four years ago. Oh, he was so proud…” Delphine’s voice hitched, and she felt her eyes tear up. She was no actress, but the abuse of Cosima’s emotions was killing her. “Cosima, he has already forgotten me.” Her bottom lip wobbled, and before she knew it, the tears were falling freely. “I am so sorry. You asked about him last night, and it was too much for me- I panicked. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, and also, I am sorry for leaving things unexplained last night. But the last thing I want you to think of me is that I’m rude.”

 

“No, no, God no Delphine, don’t be so silly, that’s totally okay. I understand. Wow, that’s a lot to take in at…” she glanced up at the clock on her wall. “8:00 in the morning. I’m really sorry to hear that, it must be so hard for you. Ethan taught me when I went to college. I feel bad for not having spoken to him for so long, now! Oh, shit, fuck, I’m talking about him like he’s dead! That’s so not cool! I’m sorry, Delphine, I didn’t mean to be disrespectful – my mouth just kind of runs away without my meaning it to.”

 

“Think nothing of it, Cosima, it is fine. I still get to see him sometimes. But his family are taking him back to England soon, so that will no longer be the case. They took me in themselves, but I am well aware of the fact that I am not their family. Ach, but please, I came to you to apologise, not the other way around. I do not want this to become a pity party!” Delphine smiled through her tears, which were now drying on her face. She could feel them harden, making smiling uncomfortable, as if they were chains, forcing her to subjugate to the misery that she felt. She grasped Cosima’s hands, quickly. She squeezed them; the felt like she needed the support more than Cosima did, but it was for all the wrong reasons, so she got up to leave.

 

“Now, on with the day.” Delphine rose from the sofa, and headed towards the door, tears falling fresh, but before she had got further than a foot, she felt a hand hold on to her wrist, halting her progress. She turned, looking at Cosima, whose eyes were focused on her cheeks and the tear tracks that must have planted their flag there.

 

“Shit, I shouldn’t have spoken like that, Delphine, I’m really sorry. I can be pretty insensitive sometimes. I can’t claim to know what you’re going through, someone you love being unable to remember anything you shared together… but I have lost my fair share of people to know enough. I’m really sorry.”

 

_Her words were too much for me to bear. I had lied to her, unashamedly, played off her emotions to hide the serpent that lies beneath the innocent flower I pretend I am, and I was crying because I was so good at it – too good at it, and I clearly wasn’t brave enough to stop myself, but there in front of me was this Bohemian wonder, who believed that she had hurt me… oh if only she knew! And she was still talking, still apologising, still deprecating herself, and more tears were falling and I couldn’t bear to hear her take the blame for what my black heart was doing and I had to stop her talking and I bent down towards her and I kissed her._

 

It wasn’t a highly remarkable kiss in any sense of the word. Delphine’s lips simply pressed against Cosima’s in a chaste touch, but it quickly became more. Formerly desperate to stop Cosima talking, now Delphine had opened up something inside her, and she was desperate for human contact, contact that she had not felt in _oh so long._ She craved gentle touches, smooth, lingering caresses and soft moans.

 

She got none of that.

 

What she did get, however, was a bemused Cosima retreated gently from the embrace, knowing that nothing impulsive would help right now. Delphine felt her moving away and quickly backed up herself, taking in Cosima’s dumbfounded countenance.

 

“Oh, _merde,_ Cosima… did I make a huge mistake?” Cosima floundered for a moment but soon regained her metaphorical footing. 

 

“Delphine… I won’t lie and say that I’m not attracted to you, don’t get me wrong there, but there are many reasons why I can’t be involved with you like this. As much as I would like to kiss you back, I am your boss, for one, and also, I prefer not to kiss girls who are crying salty tears into my mouth.”

 

Cosima smiled gently at her as she spoke those last words, and Delphine felt strangely calm about the whole thing, which surprised her. She wasn’t embarrassed about this rejection – but then again, had she even _wanted_ anything more than to stop Cosima making her feel bad by unintentionally pointing out how bad a person she was? Delphine wasn’t sure, but she knew that she had felt something that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

 

“Oui, of course, I am sorry Cosima. I clearly wasn’t thinking, well, clearly. I didn’t mean to put you in an uncomfortable situation.”

 

“Oh no, not at all. But, it would be remiss of me to leave a girl crying, so come here.” Cosima’s strong arms met around her waist, comforting her. When Cosima moved back again, she looked at Delphine with a cocked eyebrow. She said, “Anyway, who knows… give it some time… and maybe I won’t be your boss anymore…” and winked at the taller blonde woman.

 

 _Well…_ she thought to herself, _maybe there’s something else I can ruin…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this, I really appreciate it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> HermioneSpencer


	7. Peace Offering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There are allusions to awful non-con things throughout the flashback (in fact, there's more flashback than real story in this chapter, but that's just the way it happened. It would have been too long otherwise!). If you want, you can skip past the flashback.

_“What’s going on? Aldous? Aldous what is going on? What’s happened to her?” Delphine already knew the answer; it was obvious, but she didn’t want to cement it in her mind until someone told her for sure._

 

_Nobody did though._

 

 _She looked up at Aldous, the bass from the speakers blasting in her eardrums, now much more painful than it had been just moments ago. Her eyes flicked back to Danielle, motionless on the floor, the girl’s eyes rolling and mouth twitching like a horrific possession had taken control of her body. Delphine felt sick, every pore in her body filled with fear and disgust. She could feel panic bubbling in her body. She put a freezing hand against Danielle’s now heavily sweaty face. She didn’t know what she was trying to achieve, but Delphine thought, in her panic driven brain, that if she could just make Danielle look at her, then everything would be alright. In reality, Danielle’s catalepsy proved that it would be everything_ but.

 

 _“Dani? Dani can you hear me? Oh_ merde _Dani say something!_ Dis quelque chose, n’importe quoi!” _But she knew that it was pointless. She was studying medicine; she knew the power drugs had over people. With a jolt, she was pulled back from Danielle; the whole room seemed to have caught up with the events, and now a couple of Aldous’ friends were dragging her away. “No! No! Stop, let me go! Get_ off _me!” She started to scream, but then Aldous appeared in front of her, and put a hand over her mouth, tight. His other hand held onto her neck. With her arms held behind her by his cronies, Delphine was rendered immobile, and she couldn’t help the dry sobs that formed in the back of her throat._

 

_“Delphine, the quieter you are, the less painful it will be for you, and maybe your friend too. Now shut up, and do what you’re told.” He let her go, and waved a hand to the men holding Delphine. She was whisked away, fighting as hard as she could, but to no avail. Before long, she was thrown into an empty, dimly lit room. Unprepared for the lack of support, she stumbled forward, and her foot buckled; she fell to the floor. She cried out in pain, pretty sure she had twisted her ankle, but she was too inebriated to think properly and check. Instead, she sat for a moment, letting the last few minutes sink in. She didn’t really know what was going on, but she had a good idea. The room she had been chucked into was empty apart from three chairs, one placed at each wall, the door on the fourth wall looking in, like an eager audience watching the première performance of a new play. They were wooden dining chairs. She took off her heels, letting her sore foot breathe a little._

 

 _Rohypnol. Delphine was certain that that was what Danielle had been drugged with. Her mind still cloudy with alcohol, she struggled to remember what the drug did. She knew that it was bad when mixed with alcohol. How much had Danielle drunk? More than Delphine wanted to think about. Delphine’s mind suddenly came into sharp focus, and her eyes widened with terror. It was all dependent on how much they had given her (but considering how quickly it affected her, it had to have been strong), but when mixed with alcohol, Danielle would have extremely low blood pressure. If they were doing what she thought they were, then the most dangerous effect might be the respiratory depression._ Mon Dieu… What if she _dies? Delphine thought to herself. This thought spurring her on, she tried to stand up, but the pain in her ankle was too much for her to bear._ Yes, it’s sprained. _Settling on kneeling instead, she crawled over to the door of the room she was trapped in, and tried to open it. Of course, it was locked. She pulled at the handle harder, frustrated, scared and confused. The door didn’t budge, so she grew frantic, and then finally started hitting the door with her palms, shouting out for someone to let her out. She could only imagine how ridiculous she looked; hair messy, dress dishevelled, shouting threats through a door that she could not open. Imagine her surprise when the door opened quickly, smacking against her knees and forcing her back into the dim, empty room. Delphine looked up, hoping to see someone who had good news. Instead, she saw two women walk silently into the room, the door closing and locking behind them with a loud_ clunk. _They were the two women who had been so eager to meet her before, but now they looked tired, very, very tired. Scrambling up on to her good foot, she watched the two women as they simply sat down on two chairs, the ones facing each other. That left the empty chair as the one facing the door. Centre stage._

 

_Leaning against the wall just by the door for support, she looked incredulously at the two women, who were taking out cigarettes and lighting them._

 

 _“Do you know what’s happening out there? Why are you in here? Is my friend okay?” The women ignored her barrage of questions. “Excuse me, can you please tell me what is going on? I’m going crazy, why am I even here?” Delphine started to laugh. The absolute absurdity of the position she found herself in and desperate confusion made her make loud, brash sounds, starting in her stomach and pouring out through her mouth, vibrating in every part of her body. But there was no mirth in that laugh. With the two women still ignoring her, she limped up to the first one, bypassing her abandoned shoes, and forced the woman to look at her by grabbing her face. She leant forward, encroaching upon the woman’s personal space._ “Dis moi, _tell me, what the_ fuck _is happening! Why are we in here?” When the woman didn’t respond to her, Delphine had no idea what else to do, so she took the mousy haired woman’s cigarette from her mouth and took a drag from it herself, the filter now stained with two different shades of bright red. She didn’t give it back. She sunk to the floor with it, unable to walk to the chair, her bruised and tender ankle complaining too much. The other woman, who still had possession of her cigarette, didn’t seem to like that._

 

_“You should sit on the chair. They don’t like it when we don’t sit on the chairs.”_

 

_“What?” Delphine asked, her eyes fixing on the girl who had finally said something._

 

_“I said sit on the chair!” she responded, possibly regretting haven spoken up. The empty chair remained so, however, because Delphine didn’t move to it. She didn’t think she could, really. Instead, she took another puff of her cigarette, hoping it would calm her shaking nerves. Delphine observed the nervous girl opposite her, and then spoke up._

 

_“What’s wrong with you both? Why, when there is a girl out there being – oh God knows what is happening to her – are you sitting here like you’re waiting for the dentist after not having brushed your teeth for a matter of months? And why on Earth must I sit on a chair to please an unknown deity?”_

 

_There was silence for a moment as both women seemed embarrassed. Just when Delphine thought they had both decided to remain silent once more, the girl with mousy hair (whose cigarette she had commandeered) spoke slowly._

 

_“You… you haven’t been to one of Ferdinand’s parties before, have you?”_

 

 _Delphine’s mind took a moment to catch up. She wasn’t sure why, but up until now, she had just assumed that this was_ Aldous’ _party. She supposed it made sense that it was Ferdinand’s instead._

 

 _“No. No, I haven’t. Do dimly lit interrogation rooms often feature?” She had tried to inject a bit of humour into this dead carcass of a situation, but they clearly didn’t find it very funny. In fact, the way they both shifted in their seats… “Mon Dieu, they_ do? _Merde! So that must mean… that must mean that you know what’s happening to Danielle then, yes? Come on, you_ have _to know! Please tell me!” Since they had joined her in the room, she had tried to ignore the panic that was threatening to overtake her at any moment, but now that she knew these girls frequented these parties (if they could be called such things), her self-control was quickly slipping. Possibly due to the way that her face fell, making her look very vulnerable and childlike, the brunette opposite Delphine began to speak._

 

_“Look, I don’t know who you are outside of your relationship with Dr Leekie, but when we get here, all we become is property of the man we’re attached to. That’s the deal. They pay our college fees paid, and we do what they say. Anyway, you should really already know what’s going on out there.” And she seemed to think that it was okay to leave it at that._

 

 _“Are you saying that they are- they’re- oh_ fuck, _I can’t even say it! Are they really doing that to her?” Her informant nodded. “And you already_ knew _this? You_ let _this_ happen? _Why?”_

 

_“Why shouldn’t we?” the girl nearly shouted back at Delphine. “We’re safer this way! Your friend was just stupid enough to accept a drink from a group of horny, high old men!” Delphine felt furious anger rise to the fore. Despite how pathetic she must have looked, as she dragged herself across the room until she was at the feet of the brunette. She stood on her good foot, and took her nearly finished cigarette out from in between her own lips. She moved slowly, parting her lips just a little to allow her fingers to remove it, breathing out the smoke from her lungs into the girl’s face, and brought the burning cigarette close to the other girl’s skin. She flicked the cigarette and watched as the hot ash hit the brunette’s prone flesh on her bare shoulder. Feeling more powerful, gaining confidence in her performance, she moved to stub the cigarette out on her prisoner’s arm, wishing pain upon her. She swerved her arm at the last moment though, ending up stubbing it out against the back of the chair. The brunette slumped, grateful that she had escaped that torture. It struck Delphine that she might have experienced such a thing already. She almost felt bad for her, but her words still stuck with Delphine. Impulsively, she slapped the girl, very hard on her cheek, the weak woman’s own cigarette flying out of her fingers, glowing dimly against the floor. She gasped, her hands coming up to cradle the now red cheek._

 

 _“Why_ shouldn’t _we? We shouldn’t let things like this happen because one day… it could be you. And God knows you would want someone speaking out for your weak, sorry ass.” She turned to the mousy haired girl. “As for you, you’re exactly what I’m talking about! I’ve just_ hit _her and you sit there whimpering like a dog in the rain, knowing you could be_ next _but doing_ nothing _about it! You could be_ next! _How does that fear feel? The anticipation of my hand hitting_ your _face! Does that scare you?” Delphine limped towards the other girl, her bare feet slapping against the floor. Murder in her eyes, she raised her fist and drew it back, as if to punch her. With her free hand she grabbed her dress, pulling her forward. “Does the thought of my fist hitting your face scare you enough_ now?” _She snarled as the girl whimpered again. She lowered her voice so that only the girl underneath her could hear her. “When I hit you, you’re going to scream for me, okay? Very loudly, and very clearly. Do you understand?” The girl nodded her head up and down erratically, like a nodding dog in the back of a car that was driving on a road full of potholes. Bracing herself, Delphine brought down her fist as hard as she could on the girl’s face aiming for one spot in particular, feeling the impact on her own knuckles and wrist as they dislocated bone. She let out her own pain in a grunt, but the girl she had hit screamed just as Delphine had told her to; loudly and clearly. Needless to say, she had been hurt more than Delphine. Her scream turned into sobs, and soon she was crying without restraint, her cries echoing throughout the room as she gingerly touched her already bruising face. Delphine looked at the brunette. “And still, you do not protect your compeer. You are very weak spirited and I do not like you.”_

 

_Just as Delphine had hoped it would, the door opened._

 

_“What the fuck’s going on in here?” A voice Delphine hadn’t already heard tonight. She supposed that was both a blessing and a curse. It belonged to a man with salt and pepper hair, who had more stomach than his trousers could accommodate at that moment in time._

 

_“Ah, finally, someone I can talk to! I’m afraid that…” she motioned to the girls either side of her, “these two are somewhat incapable of stimulating conversation at present. But then again, I did just dislocate her temporomandibular joint.” She pointed at the weeping girl. “What can I say? I’m in a very bad mood.” She shrugged, conveying a nonchalance that she simply did not feel._

 

 _“What the fuck? You’re supposed to stay in here and sit on the chairs until we’re all done with the girl.” Delphine’s stomach felt like it had dropped a thousand feet._ All of them? _She swallowed, and continued. “Yes, about the chair. I’m going to need to sit on something else; I’ve twisted my ankle and need something to rest it on. Can you bring Aldous here? Please, I am in quite a lot of pain…” Delphine had no idea what she was doing, but she knew that keeping him here talking could only be a good thing. Her voice was shaking, but she did her best to control it._

 

_“No. He’s busy right now, you know that.”_

 

 _“No! No I_ don’t! _Nobody has told me what is going on, and maybe that is a good thing, but I would really like to know anyway! Now if you will, either bring him here, or I will go to him myself!” The man was nonplussed. She felt a moment of inexplicable hatred for him. She supposed his vacant face and reeking breath did nothing to help him warm to her._

 

 _“Um… oh for fuck’s sake, come with me then.” Delphine couldn’t believe her luck. It had worked! But_ was _she lucky? She had stepped into a horror film, but she was certain that in just a moment, she would lay her eyes on a real life hell._

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“Okay. Thank you so much, everyone, you’ve done a wonderful job! I know that the circumstances aren’t ideal, but I’m sure that we’ve already got enough to shock Cosima plenty. And now, I think, that’s lunchtime! Have a good one!” She wrapped up the morning session with her team as quickly as she politely could, and they went about doing their own things. Delphine put a cold hand to cool her hot neck and left the lab to go to her own office, smiling at Heidi who had caught her eyes as she left.

 

On her way to her office, she thought about Marion Bowles, who would be arriving just after lunch. She hadn’t slept at all last night, fretting over the imminent visit. She didn’t even know who Marion would be coming as; was she here under the guise of a scientist or the delivery girl? If she were here as a scientist, would that even be a guise? Delphine didn’t even know what she looked like. She had tried to ignore it as much as possible, but she had been driven to distraction throughout the day.

 

Eventually reaching the office, she slumped onto the desk, her head in her hands. The moment of respite was interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. Her head snapped up.

 

Was this Marion? The gentleness of the knock didn’t seem to fit the personality that Delphine had assigned to Marion in her mind; harsh and cold. With a dry throat and blood rushing out of her hands and into her feet in her natural flight-not-fight reaction, she called out for whoever it was to enter, ready to flee if need be. To Delphine’s relief (and surprise) it was Kira, the young runner assigned to the trivial tasks of the endeavours here at Topside. She had quickly become one of Delphine’s favourite people to be around. She had a calming smile and a peaceful presence. She was also a very lovely person.

 

The young girl had slowly entered Delphine’s office space, nervously, as if unsure of how Delphine would react to seeing her. Realising her features must have been very hard, Delphine relaxed her muscles and then forced a smile onto her face.

 

_So many façades…_

 

“Kira. How can I help you?” She asked softly, her voice sore from the morning’s discussion (Cosima still hadn’t given them anything solid to work with yet). It was deeper and hoarser than it had been moments before. It surprised her. Kira flitted daintily into the room, her small figure carried by her youthfully lithe legs with a celerity that the aged can only envy, to the side of Delphine’s desk opposite the Frenchwoman. She had a small smile on her face, something Delphine had already been getting used to, despite having been here for only a couple of days.

 

“Dr Cormier. How are you?”

 

“How am I?” She asked, feeling like Scott as she was surprised by the nicety, inept and awkward at common courtesy. She laughed at herself. “Well, I am okay, I suppose. Thank you for asking.” Convinced that Kira had not simply come here to ask her about her health, Delphine waited for Kira to reveal her objective here. Her patience seemed to have the desired effect, as Kira spoke again.

 

“Well, I was doing work for Cosima’s team today, so I didn’t see much of you, but I did pop in and out of the sub-team lab.” Delphine nodded. She knew very well that Kira was assigned to the ancillary team today, and had noticed the girl’s nymph-like movement between labs. “I saw you with your team today, and I noticed that you looked…tired. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, that’s all.” Her tentative yet cheeky grin melted Delphine’s tough exterior slightly. “Oh, and I wanted to give you this.” She poked around inside her shoulder bag that Delphine hadn’t noticed up until that point.

Out from it, a small packet was extracted and Kira placed it on the desk, equidistant from the both of them. Delphine took a moment to look at it, only realising what it was after squinting at it somewhat.

 

“Oat biscuits?” Delphine asked, baffled. She hadn’t needed to ask the question; it was obvious what they were, but this was something she didn’t understand. Things she didn’t understand rattled her.

 

Kira simply continued smiling at her. Delphine made no move to reach for the packet, so Kira slid it across the desk so that it was close to the older woman’s left elbow.

 

“Kira… I can’t take food from a minor… what kind of a bully does that make me?” Delphine demurred, only half joking.

 

“Ah, come on Doctor Cormier! It’s lunchtime, after all, and I know that it wouldn’t be good for anyone here if you keeled over from starvation. It’s obvious you haven’t eaten in some time, and you, being a doctor, should know how dangerous that is.” Delphine’s eyes flitted up to Kira’s from the packet of oat biscuits, and in the younger girl’s eyes she met only concern and warmth. She briefly wondered what her own eyes looked like to Kira. The smaller girl continued, unfazed by the blonde’s silence. “I don’t mean to assume anything about you, that’s not why I’m here, but I can tell that something’s troubling you. You don’t have to tell anyone here, least of all me, I’m also not here to get you to unload your burdens, but eating something will help, I promise. Especially oat biscuits. They’re good for nausea, if that helps you.”

 

Again, Kira was met with only silence, but not a hostile one. Instead, it was a silence thick with incertitude on Delphine’s part. Eventually, the Frenchwoman was able to voice the reason for this uncertainty.

 

“How sad would it make me sound if I said that this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me in over five years?” She was met with no judgement on the other end, but her eyes fell to the table, too ashamed to look at the young girl.

 

“Not sad at all. I would simply say that you haven’t had much luck before in finding the right people. But…” she paused a moment, the lapse making Delphine look into her eyes once more, where, this time, there was a certainty, a conviction, the she’d never seen before in a face so young, “then I would say… you’ve found us now.”

 

And with that, she stood to her full height, pointed with a mock-serious face at the packet of oat biscuits, and with a preternatural grace, slipped out of the office, leaving a cool draft behind her, which lifted up the corners of a few pages of printing paper by the door in her wake.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

After another moment’s hesitation, Delphine’s stomach got the better of her.

 

She devoured the biscuits esuriently; her near starved, fatigued body took everything the oat-based cynosures had to offer her as each swallow guided the foreign food into her stomach, a routine it had almost forgotten. After so long without sustenance, the biscuits were a benison of the Gods; she had been gifted their ambrosia, allowed a fleeting moment of divine convalescence as she felt the renewal of her ephemeral body take place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Woah, a tough ride, this chapter. Thank you for sticking with it so far; I really appreciate it. I hope that you're enjoying it, and that I'm still keeping you interested! It's a quick update today!
> 
> HermioneSpencer


	8. A Change in Speed Accompanied by a Change in Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> A short chapter, but I need desperately to get past the setup and into the _good stuff_ if that makes sense. 
> 
> HermioneSpencer

Cosima simply couldn’t make head nor tail of it.

 

 

Whatever conclusion she thought she had reached, another idea came to her which proved her last hypothesis wrong and everything was just a bit of a mess.

 

 

The facts she knew were there, laid out for her:

 

1) Delphine had asked who Dr. Ethan Duncan was.

2) Delphine had _told_ her that she had been upset about losing him and so had avoided talking about him to Cosima.

 

 

Frustrated, the dreadlocked woman knew _only_ that for sure.  Had she _really_ worked for Ethan Duncan?  If she was here with dishonourable intentions, then it probably meant that she had not worked with him, and her CV was as fake as the nutrients in that Lucky Charms cereal.  And yet, if this was the case, then firstly, Delphine had somehow… forgotten… the man she was supposed to have worked with for a matter of years, and secondly, Delphine had lied to Cosima’s face about her connection with Duncan, slobbery tears and dribbling nose to boot.  If it was fake, then it had been a hell of a performance, but if it was real… it just didn’t make sense in Cosima’s head, and after thinking about it for the umpteenth time, she came to the same conclusion: she simply couldn’t make head nor tail of it!

 

 

And then there was the most obvious problem, staring her right in the face, nearing slowly and pressing her lips to Cosima’s own.  _That kiss…_   What had it meant?  Was it some sick joke Delphine thought she was playing?  Seducing the boss and robbing her blind of a lifetime’s work _and_ a heart?  Or was it a moment of weakness, a reveal of a deep wish that had shown itself only when Delphine had been unable to keep her control?  Cosima wanted so badly to know, but there was no safe way to reveal anything, she that.

 

 

She didn’t know what to do about Scott in all of this.  She had been rash enough to confirm their mistrust of her, and to his credit he had behaved well enough, but she knew that his fear of a beautiful woman would only last so long, and sooner or later he would grow hostile towards her, and that was not what they needed.  Cosima knew very well that they had to keep everything pleasant, they had to maintain a semblance of… _normality._   If that was even possible.  If she told Scott that she had been wrong, he probably wouldn’t believe her, and Cosima didn’t even know for sure herself.

 

 

She slammed her hand against her thigh under the table in the middle of the work canteen.  She hoped no one had seen it, but she was just so darn _fucked_!  She had _no idea_ what to do, and she felt so alone, knowing she couldn’t tell anyone the whole truth.  Whoever she told, she was bound to upset someone else somewhere, and that was exhausting.  She sighed, rubbing her eyes carefully so as not to smudge the already vaguely smudged eyeliner she hadn’t had time to remove from yesterday, and picked up the warm flask on the table in front of her.  She sipped a bit more of the soup that Alison had prepared for her _(“You have a big day today, you need to have something to eat even if you refused to go home and sleep last night, so take the G-D flask and make sure you get at least half in your steadily shrinking stomach today”)_ and then thought she’d humour herself a little.  She pulled out her phone and snapped a shot of her slowly subsiding soup.  Returning the phone to her pocket, she gauged just how tired she was by allowing herself to feel the pain in her head and just behind her eyes.  She had left it too late to take a nap in her office now; her 2:00 meeting would be starting very soon, and lunchtime was when she made time for people who had questions for her.  That’s why, without fail, she ate her lunch in the canteen (or didn’t eat, sometimes) to allow anyone to approach her.  For some reason, no one was today, and Cosima assumed that it was because she looked like a zombie, raised from the dead with a bad temper.  But then again, all zombies seemed to be bad tempered, so that was somewhat superfluous. 

 

 

Her phone buzzed and she read the reply she had just received from her sister.

 

 

**The other half of that soup had best not be in the bottom of a plant pot somewhere.**

 

 

Sighing, she finished the last of her soup.  _That’ll make Alison happy, at least_.  She rested her head in her hands and squeezed her eyes shut, forcing away the blurriness of fatigue and then forced her easy smile onto her face.  Her phone pinged once more and she took it out to read the message.  It was from Scott, letting her know that the representative from Dyad had arrived.  _She’s early.  Maybe it_ is _just me who’s forever late.  Who knew?_

 

 

She jumped up from her table and left the canteen.  Reaching the hallway she had grown so familiar with over the past few years, she slipped into her office and left her flask in the middle drawer of her desk, reminding herself to take it home tonight and wash it before returning it to Alison.  Remembering something, she swore and grabbed a notepad, scribbling something nearly incomprehensible even to her.  She slipped on her lab coat when she was done and the door opened, revealing Scott and a very tall, brunette woman with a startlingly severe face and some impressively arching eyebrows.  Her lips were drawn tightly together, creating a sort of half-pout.  Cosima walked towards them, holding out her hand towards the woman, who spoke.

 

 

“Dr. Niehaus, it’s excellent to finally meet you.  I’m Marion Bowles, and I cannot overstate how pleased the DYAD Institute is to be conducting business with you.”

 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

 

_Hey Delphine,_

_I appreciate that this is very short notice (and I apologise beforehand!), but I have the memory of a goldfish at the least convenient times and I forgot to let you know beforehand, so I hope that this note is enough._

_I’m currently (from 2:00 onwards) in a meeting with a representative from a company we hope to work with in the future, and at about 2:40 I am taking her on a tour of our labs… so we (Scott and I!) really need your team to make sure your lab is clear and you know, all the food and stuff is hidden away!  Kira should also have a USB with her that I gave her; you’re finally getting some of the good stuff!  It’s mostly the basis of what we are definitely_ sure _of; it’s the fact we have to go on, with a few case studies that I want your team to look over.  Record your findings.  We’ll be visiting your lab on or around the 2:40 mark, so if you could look all official and boring around that time, you can go back to raving once she’s gone._

_I hope that you’re all good with the work you’ve got for the afternoon.  Don’t panic!  I’m sure you and your team will prove yourselves fully capable.  I’m very proud of what you’ve all done so far, so keep going as you are and it should be_ fine. _Also, I would like to see you after the meeting today, I think it will be good for you to join me and Scott in tonight’s evening debrief.  Just come to our office at the end of the day._

_Make it so._

_Cosima_

 

 

Baffled, Delphine looked up from the hurriedly scribbled note, unsure of what it was exactly that she had read.  The young girl in front of her was smiling with a lopsided grin, clearly laughing at Delphine’s face.  She took Delphine’s hand and put a small USB into it, the one mentioned in the note.

 

 

“I think you’ll need that if you’re going to get around to doing anything this afternoon.  It will prove to be far more effective than a gormless stare, you know?”  Kira’s cheekiness made Delphine laugh.

 

 

“Kira?” She asked, her curiosity suddenly piqued.

 

 

“Yeah?”

 

 

“Are you related to Cosima in any way?”

 

 

“Yeah.  She’s my aunty.”

 

 

“Kira?”

 

 

“Yeah?”

 

 

“You would not believe how many questions that answers.”

 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

 

“Yes, that’s a good point, Heidi.  But if we use the same material that the other team used there are two possible outcomes; we may be able to find what they missed, or we may see exactly what they saw – finding only the polyps and not working out why they are actually there – and we will be as behind as they are.  I’ll see what Cosima has to say about it-”

 

 

The door opened, revealing the aforementioned brunette, Scott, and a woman Delphine didn’t know.  But she still knew exactly who she was.  To Delphine’s discomfort, she looked just like Delphine would have imagined her if she hadn’t been so busy being scared shitless the whole day.  Harsh features, cold exterior and a generally unfriendly face.  This _had_ to be-

 

 

“-Marion Bowles from the DYAD Institute.  Ms. Bowles, this is Dr. Delphine Cormier, head of our sub team.”

 

 

“A pleasure.”  Marion Bowles walked towards her, and Delphine felt her hand gravitating upwards, as if she had no control over her limbs, meeting Marion’s.  Her hand was cool and gripped onto Delphine’s own hand with an unprecedented strength.  Marion’s voice was light and airy, but there was no trace of a smile on her face, which only Delphine could see.  In fact, the woman seemed to be projecting some sort of ice glare at her.

 

 

“Mine, I’m sure.”  She shook Marion’s hand and almost threw it away when she had had enough of feeling the older woman’s skin against her own.  She did not add any unnecessary sweetness to her voice, being unable to see the point, but she did stare right back into the woman’s eyes, challenging her.

 

 

After a moment more of staring, the two women seemed to realise that there were actually other people in the room.  Delphine’s eyes slowly moved from Marion’s to her team, who were all still firmly planted in their seats, having been going through the case studies Cosima had given them not long ago.

 

 

“This is my team.  Isaac, Heidi, Colin, and Eric.”  In unison, they all waved, quite uncomfortably.  Cosima stepped forward, clearing her throat.

 

 

“If it’s okay with you, Marion would like to speak to a couple of you now for just a few minutes, just to get a perspective from someone who isn’t an employer.”

 

 

“Yes, a sort of spot-check, if you will, to help me and my company understand _your_ experience of working here.”

 

 

“I am sure we can spare a couple of people for a few minutes.  Who from my team would you like to speak to?”  Delphine _knew_ the answer.  She felt stupid asking, but there was a part she had to play, and so she would.

 

 

“Well, I would love to talk to Eric, and seeing as you are the newest member here, I hope I can talk to _you_ , Delphine.”

 

 

“Really?  Of course, that is fine.”

 

 

“Okay then guys, you can use the room at the end of the hall.  We’ll leave you to it.”

 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

 

Eric stepped out of the room and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Delphine waiting outside.  He ran his hand through his slightly shaggy sandy hair and laughed nervously.

 

 

“I thought when I finally got my Ph.D. that my days of testing were over.  Then I remembered that job interviews were a thing.  I also remembered that there are people in this world who manage to craft a conversation in such a way that you feel like you’re handcuffed to a table and forced to answer or you’ll be sent to jail, even when you’re just being asked how nice your boss is.”  Delphine laughed quietly at the tall man, normally so confident, reduced to a sweaty, shrinking mess, his lack of mental control causing his Swedish lilt to become more pronounced.

 

 

“Is she really that scary?”

 

 

“I wouldn’t say _scary…_ but I would definitely say vaguely terrifying.”

 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Eric.  I shall have to watch out for myself then, seeing as I’m next for the inquisition.  Any top tips on how to survive?” she smirked at him and got ready to go in herself.  Not receiving a response, she moved to the door.

 

 

“I told her you were really great, by the way.”

 

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

 

“Marion Bowles.  She was asking about my bosses.  I mean, you haven’t been my boss for that long, but you treat us all like we’re your equals – sometimes more, I think.  I can’t claim much experience with bosses before – I’ve only just left college with part-time jobs and stuff, but the bosses I _have_ had and the professors that taught me… I haven’t been an equal with anyone I’ve worked with before.  I don’t know what I’m saying, but sometimes I think it is better you tell people when you think they are doing a good job, no?”

 

 

“Thank you, Eric.  I think your philosophy is one you should continue – that really means a lot to me.”  He smiled at her and then walked back, going to the lab to get back to work with the rest of the team.  Delphine breathed in and out through her nose deeply once, before finally entering the room that held Marion Bowles within.

 

 

She was sitting at a high table, taking some notes.  Why she needed to be taking notes of a sham, pointless interview with a young scientist Delphine did not know, but she sat down opposite Marion before she could be invited to.  Small acts of rebellion were childish, but the satisfaction Delphine got was pleasant, if just as tiny.

 

 

“So.  I don’t think there’s any need for the pointless preamble.  You are going to tell me exactly what stage you are at here, how _long_ you expect to be here and how you plan to get the material for our mutual friend.”

 

 

Delphine’s voice was low when she responded.  She opened her mouth as little as possible and turned her head to Marion conciliatorily. 

 

 

“Are you sure that is safe?  I do not know what precautions they have taken against our kind here, but I know that they murdered the last one they found.”

 

 

Marion’s brows knitted together.

 

 

“Oh?  And why have you not made mention of this sooner?”

 

 

“Mostly fear for my _own_ life, I’m sure you understand, but I actually only learnt of it this morning.”  Delphine lied, still keeping her voice low.

 

 

“I see.  Well, I’m sure we can be careful…”  Marion’s voice dropped too and soon she was leaning her head down towards Delphine so that they looked like two schoolchildren hiding their obviously moving lips behind their hands.  Marion questioned her closely, beating her with question after question.  “How far away are they from finding a cure?”

 

 

“I do not know.  Cosima has not made their progress available to me.  My post here is… well, I am a secondary bottom trawler.  I trail behind the boat that sails behind the trawler in front and catch any fish the nets in front of me missed.  I am, suffice to say, the bottom of the food chain.”

 

 

“But how much have you seen?”

 

 

“Forty-five minutes before you arrived, I was given my first bit of real science, with case studies of a deceased woman named Jenifer Fitzsimmons.  Even then we were given the information only on the uterus, where it originates-”

 

 

“How have you let this happen?  You only have a short amount of time here, at this rate you would need years – you have six months.  Eleven at the most, really.  I don’t care what reasons she has, you are going to get access to more than just epithelial tissue, okay?  Do what you have to, Aldous needs more.  Do you think you can do that, or will Aldous need to replace you?”

 

 

“Anyone he replaces me with will be inadequate; I can assure you of this.  I am certain I can get access to more, but really, I have been here a matter of days.  You and Leekie are lucky to have me, this has been efficient on my part.”

 

 

“And why’s that?  Because you’ve already managed to exchange saliva with the girl?”

 

 

“E- Excuse me?” Delphine was stumped.  A grin of sickening triumph spread over Marion’s face.

 

 

“Call it a mother’s intuition.”  Delphine couldn’t imagine her as a mother and she didn’t really want to try.  “It’s not you, though, don’t worry about that.  It’s _her._   She is nervous around you and plays with her silly little bracelets too much when you’re mentioned.  Good work, though, however unconventional.  Keep it up.”

 

 

“Right…” There really was nothing to say in response to that.  What could she say?  _Oh thank you, I’m so good at it I intend to have conquered her pants by next week!  I’ll send you pictures._

“Seeing as you seem to be kept in the dark mostly, there isn’t anything else to ask.  I’ll end this here, but don’t think that this is the last you’ll see of me.  Dr. Niehaus believes DYAD want to work with her, to merge our companies.  She won’t go through with it, she’s too proud to join such an uncaring corporation, but I’ll be around now and again.  Needless to say, speed it up.  Aldous claims he is a patient man but we both know he is not.  He will push you further and further until eventually you will be forced into a blunder, and he will blame you for it again.  Neither of us wants that to happen, so just keep getting as much as you can.  Push Niehaus for more, but know when you’ve stopped being eager and are just being rude.”  She got up quickly and stalked to the door, holding it open for Delphine.

 

 

Strangely enough for Delphine, the one thing she could focus on when she made her way back to the lab was how great Dr. Niehaus sounded, and how she hadn’t even realised Cosima was a doctor.  She remembered how Leekie had decided to ignore the title when he first made mention of her.  She supposed he was jealous.  She didn’t know why he would be, but it suited the cocky bastard.


	9. Janus: God of Beginnings, Transitions and Endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I would like to thank every single person who has commented, given me that awesome kudos or even just read this darned thing! I really appreciate it and it inspires me.  
> Thank you for joining me this far and I hope you will enjoy this chapter!
> 
> HermioneSpencer

Some things have a very marked beginning.  The outbreak of war; the moment it was decided that innocent men would fight other innocent men.  The discovery of life changing knowledge, the creation of an invention; developments that would change the course of history forever.  Events and occurrences can be traced back to the very moment in which the seed was sown.  An idea broached to an old acquaintance.  A plan set in motion.  Betrayal, begun.  And yet, _internal_ timelines are more difficult to map out.  At least, from a mortal’s perspective.  We cannot expect to be able to pinpoint exactly what it was that happened to get you somewhere, as _inner_ beginnings have no substance outside of your head.

 

This was why Delphine was having such trouble in trying to work out when she had started to _enjoy_ her time at Topside.  Only four weeks in, and _something_ , _somewhere_ and at _some point_ had clicked and she found that she couldn’t stop herself laughing, smiling and _having fun_ when she worked with her team.  There hadn’t been anything truly remarkable about the past few weeks; remembering Marion’s warning “know when you’ve stopped being eager ad are just being rude”, Delphine hadn’t tried too hard in getting what Leekie wanted.  Before eating lunch ( _that she had prepared herself that morning_ ) with her team in the cafeteria, part of her had believed that she was just gaining the trust of those she worked with (and more importantly, under), but at that moment, laughing at one of Isaac’s jokes about what he had planned for the weekend, Delphine realised with a jolt that it was possible that she was actually stalling in her real purpose because she liked where she was too much.

 

Somehow, she had allowed these people - these lovely, funny people - to burrow under her skin and fix hundreds of little hooks all over her, attached to strong rods, all claiming their own little part of ‘ **Dr Delphine Cormier; Preeminent Boss and Diligent Worker’.**   Except that there were _two_ Delphines, and ‘ **Dr Delphine Cormier; Pilfering Bitch and Duplicitous Wanker’** was simmering below the surface, just out of their sight.  She couldn’t explain how it had happened, or when it had begun, but the more hooks she got hooked onto, the more she began to smile when she entered the building, the more she began to talk to her selfless chauffeur Paul, the more she began to laugh and joke with her team as they tested blood samples upon blood samples, the more she began to _want to stay._  

 

It was difficult, but she somehow managed to keep quiet about it all.  The constant threat of Marion turning up unexpected any day did something to help with that, along with the nightly calls to Leekie.  He was getting impatient, but Marion seemed to have convinced him that she was doing something right.  The pressure from Leekie to get _more_ but the pressure of _keeping everything secret_ became harder and harder to deal with.

 

Delphine also couldn’t understand what was happening with Cosima.  Since she had kissed her, Delphine had begun to feel more than just a physical attraction for the brunette, but it was stupid because Delphine knew that there was _absolutely no sense_ in falling for someone you were betraying _at that very moment._

 

After lunch, they got back to work, Heidi sharing some sweets she had found in the bottom of her bag earlier on.  It was nice, Delphine found, to work hard with people you actually enjoyed working with.  In fact, it became a really nice day, and when her team finally went home, it was cemented in her mind as the best day she had had in four weeks, despite the uneasy feeling she had bubbling away the whole time.

 

The uneasy feeling came to a boil when she found herself alone with Cosima that evening.

 

Cosima had begun to invite Delphine to attend some of her nightly meetings with Scott, going through the day’s work and planning out the next.  But today, Scott had left early, claiming a much-needed visit to the vet’s for his cat Denise.  This left Delphine in a strange position; spending the first time alone with Cosima since they had kissed, going through the work that her team had done, sorting out their theories, thoughts and ideas for the next steps. 

 

“…but last night an idea came to me, and so I had to note it down before I forgot it.  Here, I will show it to you.”  Moving to the computer she was using, she opened up her database, still talking.  “The disease is autoimmune, and the immune system is _hacked,_ I suppose, by the illness.  So-” with the file she was looking for open, she stopped talking as she read what was on her screen.  Everything was there, no doubt about that, but it was all _wrong_.  She thought she actually cringed when she read what she saw in front of her.  The capabilities were akin to that of believing the sum of five and five was thirteen.  It was jargon!  Delphine began to laugh and hastily closed the window, trying to think of something else to finish her sentence with.  She couldn’t, as it turned out.

 

“Yeah?” Cosima asked, looking curiously at Delphine.

 

“Um… it does not matter.  It was not a good idea.  I suppose that is what comes of trying to cure an illness late at night.” She joked, attempting to lighten the disappointment she felt.

 

“Well, how late are we talking?  Often I find that I’m best at night.”

 

“Well, not too late. Sometime around midnight, I think.”  Cosima’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

 

“You know that’s really quite late, right?  How much sleep did you get?”

 

“How much sleep did I get last night?” Delphine asked, stalling to find time to think of a credible answer.  Why did her brain always turn to mush around this woman?

 

“Yes, Delphine, you are correct in your repetition of my question,” Cosima grinned at her and winked, quickening Delphine’s breath.

 

“I got some, I suppose.”  She didn’t know what to say, so stuck with saying something ambiguous.  It was better than lying, right?

 

“You got some?” Now Cosima’s eyes were sparkling with humour, and Delphine only then realised what she had just said.

 

“Oh!  _Merde_ that is embarrassing!  I mean that I slept for a little bit.”

 

“I know what you meant.  But you’re not fooling anyone, hun.  It’s obvious that you’re lying.”

 

_Oh is it?  At least it’s not obvious when it matters, then._

“Okay, yes.  I didn’t sleep last night.”

 

“Do you wanna, like, tell me why?  You don’t have to, by any means, but you know, you do work for me and I need to know that you’re okay.  And I’m not just being a professional; I also like you, too.”

 

“Ach, Cosima, I’m just too close to an idea!” Delphine lied.  “Every night I lie in bed, thinking about this, wondering why I can’t understand it, wondering what there is I can do to stop it.  It’s eating me up and I just… I think up ideas, I note them down, and when I come back, I see how rubbish they were all along.  It is… frustrating, to say the least.”

 

Cosima looked at her for a moment, silent.  Then she spoke.

 

“I know how that feels.  I am also intimately acquainted with sleepless nights.”  She looked over at the sofas in her office, and then back at Delphine.  “You have to keep this secret, but sometimes, I stay here so late, trying to think of something, that I end up sleeping here overnight…” she got up from the table they had been working at and moved to a large locker in the corner of the large room.  Opening it up, she revealed…what seemed to be a whole wardrobe and bathroom to boot.  “I had to start bringing spare stuff over here when I slept here overnight for the third time.  People started asking questions about why I was wearing the same thing as the day before.”

 

Delphine didn’t know what to say, but she did know that she felt relieved.  It wasn’t just her; there was someone else who couldn’t sleep at night!

 

“How many times have you done it, then?” she asked gently, genuinely curious about the answer.  It took a while for Cosima to answer.

 

“I’ve lost count, Delphine.”  The shorter woman returned to the table, picked up her laptop, and moved to the sofa, inviting Delphine to join her.  “If you’re getting stressed about the work, then you should have told me.  I can tell you quite honestly that you’re working faster than my team, and you have done an awesome job, but you know that we’re ahead of you in terms of finding a cure.  So here’s the really simple solution:  we give you more to work with.  I’m sorry that I didn’t realise the effect it was having on you before.  Maybe tomorrow night you’ll find you can sleep more easily.”  Now seated next to each other on the sofa, Cosima returned the topic of conversation to the matter in hand, mapping out the progress of the work Delphine had done with her team, sorting out files, tests and theories, and working out _where on Earth they were going to go next._   Delphine couldn’t believe how easy it had been to get that reaction out of Cosima, but she wasn’t going to complain.  She would have a lot to tell Leekie tonight.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Delphine woke with a start.

 

_Where am I?  What’s that smell?  What’s the time?  Who is this?_

Delphine was lying down on something soft, her arm draped over a _person_ , her face above their head, her nose in their…dreadlocks…breathing in the smell of…her…hair.  Everything slowly made sense.  She was still in Cosima’s office.  She must have fallen asleep here with Cosima, whom she was now lying next to– no, with whom she was now _pressed against_ due to the constricting space of the sofa.  Delphine’s nose, pressed against Cosima, could pick up the fresh, slightly sweet smell of the shampoo she used.  It was _glorious_ and Delphine could have stayed like that for a very long time, with the sleeping woman remaining in her arms, but glancing at the clock in the room (which told her that it was 12:30) she saw had to go home. 

 

Staying in the same position, she worked out what she should do.  It was really too late to try and go home at this time of night, not having a car to drive anywhere, Paul had most definitely gone _(I should really get his number to let him know  when he should go home)_ and by the time she would have walked it, she would get maybe an hour’s sleep before she had to leave again (if she even slept at all), but she could not stay here, holding onto a woman that she wanted to kiss all over again, only for it to become very awkward when it came to waking up once again.

 

She sighed quietly, and ever so slowly managed to stand up without disturbing the brunette, who looked ever so small as she lay sleeping, vulnerable, and with her long legs, Delphine was able to step over the small body and onto the floor.  She bent over to look closely at Cosima, checking to see if she had been awoken.  Thankfully she hadn’t been; she remained still and her breathing was steady and even.  Delphine couldn’t help lowering herself to her knees, putting a hand on the woman’s face and planting a chaste, soft kiss on her left cheek.

 

Rising, she walked to the light switch by the door and turned it off, but decided to leave the lamp on Cosima’s desk on, a soft night-light of sorts, not too bright.  She moved over to the other sofa and lay down there.  It was better than waking up and giving an awkward explanation as to why she had been holding onto the woman all night.  It was better because that way, Delphine could stop herself from touching her.  Distance was better for them both.

 

Mere minutes later, Delphine had fallen asleep again, her own body still and her breathing steady and even. 

 

The lamp on the desk provided just enough light for the small brunette to open her eyes and watch the blonde woman sleep, her heart hammering in her chest, her cheek burning where lips had met skin.


	10. Forgiveness is the Attribute of the Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> As I try to do as often as possible, there is a warning for the flashback for this chapter, it contains some nasty graphic description. You can skip past the flashback if you want to keep up with the main story.  
>  There is a playlist for the main part of this chapter, which I'm really excited about because it's the first one I've ever made! The link is below. I bally well hope it works...  
>  Once again, thank you for joining me here! I'm so glad that lots of you are enjoying this story. It's wonderful to see hard work pay off.  
>  I don't really sleep anymore. It's 3:00am in London. I am so tired.  
>    
>  HermioneSpencer
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Tahdah: [A Process of Abrasion Chapter 10](http://8tracks.com/scooby-h/a-process-of-abrasion-chapter-10?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) This should come into play in the second half of the chapter. I suppose it's a good thing the flashback doesn't have a soundtrack. It would probably break me. 

_Many years ago, when Delphine had been but a child, her neighbour’s house had been robbed overnight. They lost nearly everything. An immense amount had been stolen; artwork from the walls, the television, purses, designer coats and, despicably, the pots the children had been saving money in. There had been more taken, but Delphine did not know the full details; she had been so young. The parents, in an attempt to stop the thieves from taking all that they did, tried to fight them off, but there had been four strong men against one physically stagnant man and his pregnant wife. The father sustained some serious wounds to his head. Mercifully, the thieves left the wife alone besides forcing her to remain seated on the sofas one of them threatened her with a knife, the two young children asleep upstairs._

_At the time, the children who lived next door had been her best friends. They did everything together, and the easy access to each other’s houses was a gift, the ability to slip in and out of the gardens making sneaking next door after supper that much easier._

_After that night, the easy access between the two houses became a curse; the thieves had gained entry via the back garden of Delphine’s own house, her family having left the gate at the bottom unlocked out of habit._

_The guilt she felt, despite her young age, was stronger than anything she had ever felt before. She did not understand it all, but she was smart enough to grasp that this event had not brought the two families closer together, instead, creating a rift that did not seem likely to be bridged any time soon._

_Delphine’s family moved house not long after, arguments between the families growing more violent every day._

_The older she got, the less she understood why_ her _family seemed more affected than her neighbours had._

_It was here, at this party that Delphine finally understood._

_When you make a mistake that affects you and_ only _yourself, you can own up to it and move on, if you can find the strength to do so. But when you make a mistake and_ someone else _is hurt because of what you have done, it becomes infinitely less manageable… and, generally, you cannot forgive yourself until you have forgiveness from the person you hurt._

_Delphine had, albeit unknowingly, led Danielle into this situation. She knew there was nothing she could do right now, despite having already broken someone’s jaw in an attempt to get back to her best friend._

_What she was being forced to watch now, however, was no doubt the worst thing she had ever done._

_She was crying, she was screaming, she was shivering, sweating and shaking but still, this wasn’t happening to_ her. _But she was_ responsible. _She was causing this pain in someone else, and she was powerless to stop it._

_Aldous had been angry that she had left the room._

_Ferdinand had been furious._

_He had ordered that she would_ watch _._

_She tried not to look; they forced her. She tried to turn her head; they turned it back. She tried to pull out of the two men’s grip; they held on tighter. She tried to close her eyes; they held them open._

_Man after man after man._

_She didn’t want to claim that she had suffered more than Danielle, but this was more than she could handle. She knew she was strong, her will had been tested many times over her life, but after all, she hadn’t lived for that long, and now, for the first time, she had been exposed to something that was_ burning her insides.

 _She was_ so tired _of resisting, she was_ so tired _of fighting, but she would not stop, because when she stopped trying to stop them, Danielle would have no one left to even_ try.

_She did not stop trying, pulling, fighting and hissing. Nor did she stop crying, screaming, shivering sweating or shaking, either._

_When Ferdinand came up to her when they had_ all had their way… _Delphine was almost no longer present. All she could see was Danielle, motionless on the floor. Something had snapped a while ago, and her eyes were full of_ Danielle, Danielle, Danielle… _but Ferdinand slapped her into looking at him._

_He knelt down for their heads to be at the same level._

_His clipped English accent burnt her ears as his words sunk in._

_“It would have just been me and a select few. But you made it worse, my dear. If you try anything like that again, you will be next.”_

_Delphine’s tired, fuzzy eyes strained to focus on him._

_“What makes you think I’m ever coming back again?”_

_“Oh ho! You think you have a choice in that? Really?”_

_What did he mean?_

_“Please let me stand up…my knees hurt.” She begged him, allowing the weakness she felt to come through, forcing the image of_ weakness _in his mind. She was_ meek _…she wouldn’t do_ anything _to_ anyone. _All he had to do was let her stand up…_

_“Okay.” He motioned for the men holding her down to relax their grip and allow her to rise. On shaky feet and wobbly legs, she rose._

_“Can I go to her?” She asked, looking at the overwhelmingly small form in the middle of the room. He paused, and then nodded, clearly seeing no point in denying her that small favour. The men let go of her hesitantly, and she moved towards Danielle, slowly so that they wouldn’t think she was trying anything._

_Which, of course, she was._

_She was surprised that she had remembered, what with her absolute inability to think straight at this moment as she fell to the floor next to Danielle, but the thought was there and she held on to it with as tight a grip as she could, it was a life belt in a storm._

_Her last chance._

_Danielle was in a mess. Her dress was ripped, hitched up to above her hips and essentially covering nothing anymore. Delphine did her best to sort her out; she pulled her dress back down her legs, replaced the flaps that had a life of their own after being ripped from the main body, covered her chest again, and gave her a semblance of “decency” if such a thing could be found here. Delphine brought a hand up to her face and with the back of it, wiped away the tears that slid down her cheeks, thick and salty._

“Oh mon petit caneton, ça va s'arranger, ça va s'arranger…” _Delphine breathed quikly and shallowly._

_Was she even alive?_

_Bending down, she hovered her hot cheek over Danielle’s mouth._

_Still breathing…_

_“Can I get her coat?” She turned to Ferdinand, waiting for him to reply. “She is cold; I need to warm her up.”_

_Again, Ferdinand paused before acquiescing to her request. She hurried to the mound of fabric in the corner of the room and picked up her coat._

_It was there, just as she thought it would be._ Thank God for Angry French Women _, she thought to herself. She felt awkward, men lounging about and watching her as she did all of this, redressing the woman they had all shared. She slipped out the small item she had hoped she would find from the inside pocket, keeping it hidden as well as she could._

_Danielle finally wrapped up in her coat, Delphine let her tears fall without hindrance, she let her silent sobs out once again, and she hugged her friend tightly._

_Ferdinand came closer towards her. He seemed to have decided that she had had enough time with her friend. He put a hand on her shoulder as if to pull her away, and Delphine took her chance. She whirled around and stabbed Ferdinand in the stomach with the flick-knife Danielle insisted on carrying around with her despite Delphine’s insistence._

_She thanked every possible being of power for letting Danielle be so obstinate._

_Ferdinand groaned and doubled over, blood flowering mesmerising patterns of blood through his shirt, but hordes of men ran over, pulling Delphine away. She jabbed at those who came at her, fending them off her, but she tripped over Danielle’s body, which seemed to move again at that moment._

_She seemed to be waking up, but Delphine didn’t have a chance to pay attention because Ferdinand was coming back at her, murder in his eyes. To Delphine’s surprise, she still had the knife in her hand. She sprung up her feet again and ran at Ferdinand, thrusting the knife into him again and again and again, never stopping._

_Or so she did, until she felt a blow to the back of her head that knocked her out completely, black taking over her sight. She fell, exhausted._

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

Delphine gasped as she woke from her sleep, shooting up in her bed and looking all around her, fear permeating every pore in her body, her limbs tangled with the sheets. 

Slowly, her breathing returned to normal, her body cooled down and her panic receded.

She was not surprised she had had another nightmare. Having slept so well in Cosima’s office before, her body must have decided that she deserved another rough night.

There was rarely a night without discomfort, but that had been _too much._ She hadn’t had a dream that vivid in a very long time.

She got out of bed and walked through her apartment to her kitchen, preparing some coffee for herself to wake her up properly.

She sipped at it whilst sitting at her breakfast table. After her fourth sip she broke down in tears. A knock at her door quickly forced her to stop her tears. She wasn’t dressed, but slipping on a dressing gown was easy enough.

Delphine opened the door to reveal-

“Cosima? Wh-what are you doing here?”

“Good morning to you too, Sunshine!” Cosima grinned cheekily at her. Delphine, not in the mood for much humour, took a sip of her coffee to hide her agitation. Cosima looked up at Delphine’s eyes and saw the red that proved she had been crying. “Oh shit… bad time?” She asked, inclining her head to the side a bit, raising her eyebrows.

“ _Non,_ it is fine. I am sorry. Would you like to come in or do you have only a moment?” Delphine asked her, out of politeness mostly.

“Well I had come over to give you something to think about over the weekend, but now I’m not leaving you alone – not like this, anyway.” She stepped into Delphine’s apartment, and then turned back to the blonde woman. “So, get dressed. We’re going on a day trip.”

“Sorry- _what?_ ” Delphine asked, confused despite understanding exactly what Cosima said.

“Dude, come on. It’s like eleven o’clock. I woke up _super_ early for you on a weekend. Granted, you didn’t know I was coming over, but hey, I’m here! Are you gonna turn me down now I’m in your apartment? Think about how sad and dejected I would be as I left.”

Cosima’s raised eyebrow and small smirk were enough to make Delphine laugh a little.

“Cheeky.” Gulping down the last of her coffee, she put the cup in the sink to wash later and then told Cosima to make herself at home as she showered and then dressed.

It wasn’t long before Delphine was ready to go, much to Cosima’s surprise.

“Dude, it takes me _hours_ to get ready. No wonder you’re always in early. You move like The Flash.”

Heading down to the lobby from her flat, it transpired that Cosima couldn’t drive ( _“Dude I was spending every spare penny I had in college on spliffs. What’s that look for? It was a tough time, okay?”_ ), so Delphine offered to drive them to wherever Cosima wanted to take her.

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

“So is this a regular occurrence? Kidnapping your employees and taking them to a café just one block east from the building in which you work?” Delphine couldn’t hide her smile from the brunette.

“Hey, if you feel pressured into spending time with me, feel free to walk away at any moment.” Cosima winked at her.

“Was that you giving me permission to act freely?”

“Fine, fine.” Cosima lifted her hand up, as if she had been caught out. “You got me. You’re my prisoner, and I am forcing you to spend some of your day with me. _Is that really that bad?_ ” The question rang through Delphine’s head over and over again, repeating. The answer was clear to her.

“No.” The question held more weight than Delphine had intended to put on it. Cosima sensed that too and looked at Delphine through slightly narrowed eyes. Then she brightened up again, sipping at the latte she had in front of her.

“So, Dr Cormier. I hired you on a whim, from a recommendation of a highly respected scientist. But I know next to nothing about you. Your file is near empty. Care to enlighten me about the woman to whom I have entrusted my life’s work?”

“You have a file on me?”

“Curious?”

“ _Absolument._ How could I not be?”

“Do you wanna know what’s in it?”

“Yes.”

Cosima leaned forward and Delphine couldn’t help but mirror the action until their heads were nearly touching. The corner of Cosima’s mouth was twitching upwards.

“It says that you know…” Cosima turned her head and Cosima could _feel_ her right there, _so close_ , “ _absolutely nothing about James Bond.”_ Cosima leaned away again, giggling.

“Oh, you brat! There is no file, is there?” Delphine swatted at Cosima’s arm, tutting but smiling, too.

“No. No, there isn’t. Which is why I want to know more about you. Let me think… Okay, if each decade of your life was represented by a song, what would the songs be?”

“What sort of question is that?” Delphine asked, drinking her own coffee, much better than the one she had made herself just a while ago.

“It’s a question that will get you thinking. Favourite colours are _so boring_ , don’t you think?”

“Fine. Hmm. My first decade would be… _Merde_ this is _hard!_ ” Cosima laughed, but waited for her to give an answer. “Right, up until the age of ten, I would say _Je m’ennuie_ by Rose.”

“Okay, let me search that up, I have to know what you mean.” Delphine waited for Cosima to fish out her phone, untangle earphones and listen to the near four minutes of the song. Throughout, Delphine could see the grin on Cosima’s face widen, get bigger and bigger. When she was done she took out the earphones.

“Dude, that totally had ‘Young Disney Character Running Through Paris’ written all over it.”

“I am not from Paris!” Delphine laughed. “I am from Lille. It is closer to Belgium than Paris. But I would choose that song because it has just the right feel to the listlessness I felt when I was younger. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, and I was a little carefree too.”

“That’s beautiful. And fair enough. Okay, teen years?”

“You’re not going to let me stop are you?”

“Absolutely not. Now chop-chop. I’m waiting to know whether you sailed through puberty with your natural beauty or roughed it out like us normal human beings.” 

Delphine considered for another moment, but found she had forgotten nearly every song she had ever listened to.

“Aha! Yes, _Best of My Love_ by Eagles.”

“ _Dude_ , all I can imagine now is you lying on your bed as a teenager pining over a boy and laughing at how pointless the rest of the world is.”

Delphine hesitated, but she was playing this game, so she would play it as well as she could. 

“Brat. At any rate, it definitely wasn’t a boy.”

“Oh? A _man?_ Did Delphine Cormier have the hots for the hunky Biology teacher?”

“Stop, Cosima, you shall break my heart!” Delphine smiled coyly. “ _Non._ It was my best friend.”

“Shit… that must have sucked. Did anything come of it?”

Delphine didn’t know why, but she didn’t stop.

“Not until a few years later.”

“Where is he now?”

“She died when we were at college together.”

“Oh my God… Fuck, I’m so sorry…” Cosima abandoned her latte and took Delphine’s hands into her own, squeezing them tightly, trying to communicate her sorrow. Delphine appreciated it and squeezed her hands back.

“It is okay. It was some years ago now. I was young and stupid.”

“Woah. I’m just… _fuck_ I’m so sorry! You don’t…you don’t have to carry on with the game anymore.”

“Well I’ve come this far, I would hate to leave a thing half done.”

“No way, I don’t want to force you to do anything.”

“Then don’t force me _not_ to. Let me do this. For my twenties, the song would be _Inhaler_ by Foals.” Delphine was sure now, the songs already in her mind.

“I haven’t heard that. Is it sad?” Cosima made no move to pick up her phone to bring the song up. Delphine picked it up herself, and put the left ear bud in, listening to the song herself, eyes closed ad imagining the feelings it conjured up. Yes, this was the right choice. She didn’t realise that Cosima had joined in listening until she opened her eyes again once the song had ended. The brunette broke the silence that had fallen between them.

“I think…a lot of anger and resentment – possibly at life in general…or maybe someone. Also, it kind of reminds me of being…trapped? Like, constricted breathing… ‘My lungs are beat, I cannot breathe’ – kind of the whole reason for the title _inhaler_ , right?”

Delphine nodded, surprised by the accuracy with which Cosima understood the emotions the song evoked and the relevance it had to her.

Once again they were silent until Delphine spoke softly once more.

“We are not far into this decade, I know, but already I know the feelings I have dealt with up to this point. There is a song I heard, not long ago. It spoke to me.” She brought up the song on her phone, _Demons_ by Imagine Dragons. I only found them very recently. Cosima took it wordlessly, and they shared the earphones again.

Cosima let out a long breath, her brows furrowed.

“That’s a strange song. It’s saying such a sad message, but it _feels_ hopeful, it _feels_ like the strength a person has underneath all of the hurt and pain. I can see why that would speak to you. It’s very beautiful.”

“Thank you. But now it’s your turn. Don’t think you have escaped.”

Cosima laughed, but looked slightly uncomfortable.

“After that emotional journey? I don’t know how I possibly could!”

“Please?” Delphine asked. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows drew up, perfecting her pleading gaze.

“Ach, okay. But don’t, like, laugh at me or whatever. First Peter Frampton’s _I Wanna Go to the Sun_ because when I was younger I just wanted to do _everything_ and it was exciting. Well, what I can remember of it. This song was always playing when I grew up and it made me feel good. I remember it fondly.” She offered the earbud to Delphine. It was a long song, but Delphine enjoyed it. Cosima was right, it was a song that was full of potential, of things for the future.

“Teenage years; Jai Wolf’s _Indian Summer._ ” Cosima pulled it up and it fed Delphine’s ear. “It’s more just music than a _song_ per se, but it is beautiful. It makes me feel all sorts of things, but I find that the beauty of it lies in its versatility; it changes how it sounds depending on what I’m thinking of. When I first developed a crush, it was the song that made me excited about it, and _happy._ When I broke up with my first girlfriend at 17, it made me feel like my heart was breaking twice as more painfully. But still, I can remember going on a trip with some high school friends to the Alps when I was 19, and for some reason we had a Sound Box, and this is what we played when we hiked. It was amazing.”

Delphine nodded, the words Cosima spoke all somehow matching perfectly with the music she could hear.

“For twenties, there is no doubt that it is _Female of the Species_ by Space. These were the years that I went crazy about the whole dating disaster, and this song came up a lot. And hey, it’s all for girl power too.” Cosima winked at Delphine, who found herself blushing.

The blonde asked after Cosima was silent for too long, “And what about now?”

“Now… ha, Hangover by Charlotte OC.”

“Oh, we’ve all been there!” Delphine joked and Cosima laughed in response. The song itself was interesting, but Delphine found it hard to isolate a single emotion.

“Right now, I’m not sure where I am, I’m not sure where I’m going, and I seem to wake up every morning feeling like shit. So it fits.” Cosima tried to make it sound light-hearted, but failed miserably.

It was Delphine’s turn to take Cosima’ hands and give them a squeeze.

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

When they returned to Delphine’s apartment, they were smiling once more. Delphine took off her coat and hung it up by the door. Cosima dropped hers on the sofa, which she promptly dropped herself onto. 

When asked if Delphine could get her anything to drink, she shook her head and indicated for Delphine to join her on the sofa instead. She took her phone out and started tapping away at the screen. Moments later, Delphine heard a strange, electronic tune playing out from her phone. Now seated next to the brunette she heard the words that were being sung.

_Poetry in motion_

_She turned her tender eyes to me_

_As deep as any ocean_

_As sweet as any harmony_

At that moment, Cosima turned to her slowly, smiling.

“ _She Blinded Me With Science._ This is what I’m feeling right now.”

Delphine cocked an eyebrow. Clutching at straws in an attempt to keep everything calm, to still her beating heart, she asked Cosima a question.

“You said you came over here to give me something to think about over the weekend. What was that? Something from work?”

Cosima stilled, breathed in deeply and replied.

“I seem to wake up every morning feeling like shit. But I didn’t when I fell asleep in your arms. I didn’t when I woke up in your arms. But I did when I woke up on my own again, your calming presence having moved to the other sofa. I wanted to give you something to think about, yes. It was this.”

Cosima kissed her. It was slow, soft, deep, and slightly ridiculous with Thomas Dolby’s voice ringing through the air, providing a rhythm for their lips to keep to. It was a very good kiss indeed.


	11. 'At The Length Truth Will Out'

Delphine was overwhelmed by the need for a cigarette. Lunch had finally come around but still she had not been able to leave to have one because Marion Bowles was hanging around again and wanted to talk to her “about the merger.” It had been an absolute waste of time; Marion had nothing new to say to her and vice versa. The only thing that Marion had managed to pry out of her was that they had spent a Saturday together…Delphine wasn’t willing to share anything else. Marion had been happy to hear that, though, and told her so. “We’re one step closer to getting what we want then, aren’t we my dear?” she had said, smiling at Delphine like they genuinely both wanted this but choking slightly on the last two words, like a sour sweet catching in one’s throat. As the tall blonde woman climbed the steps to the garden on the roof, she wondered about how much Marion knew about her situation. She wondered whether Marion liked the power Leekie held over her, or whether she was jealous that she had once been Leekie’s plaything. It seemed like it.

She sighed as she reached the door to the roof garden, and braced herself for the brightness her eyes were about to deal with. She and Cosima seemed to have reached an unspoken agreement that involved the two of them sleeping in her office each night. They had done so for nearly the whole week, and it was already Friday. They never said anything about it, but the development had been significant enough for Delphine’s own locker now to contain a whole dressing table and wardrobe in its depths. Sometimes, they slept on separate sofas, but last night they had once again fallen asleep together on the same sofa, Cosima wrapped up in Delphine’s arms, the blonde’s chest pressed against the brunette’s back.

Delphine hadn’t been home all week, except for the Wednesday when she had attempted to fall asleep but returned to work a couple of hours later with more clothes and a fresh packet of cigarettes, unable to bear the thought of another night alone. It seemed that the building shut at nine o’clock every night, and it had only been eight, so she had been let in without bother.

The lack of outdoor lighting had had its effect of Delphine, so she knew she would have to prepare herself for seeing the first sunlight in a week. Five o’clock winter evening light didn’t really count.

Just as she had expected, the light was painfully bright when the thick fireproof door opened, allowing her to exit onto the patio. The roof garden was quite beautiful, and Delphine had grown to like the time she spent up here as she smoked. There weren’t many other people who came up here, so it was often empty, although Delphine didn’t know why it was so neglected. The care of the garden was not forgotten, however; there were beautiful plant pots of greenery, flowers, wonderful miniature gardens and architectural plants that looked stunning. They were quite something to look at, and Delphine made a mental note to find out who took such loving care of the roof. She would have to compliment them on their fine work.

“-you know that, right?”

Delphine stopped, standing stock still as she heard the voice. She couldn’t explain why she felt so uneasy, but the voice certainly didn’t sound happy. A small, younger voice spoke in response. Delphine couldn’t see where the voices were coming from, so she remained standing as still as she could, attempting to discern the location.

“Yes of _course_ I do…but don’t you see why I had to? I don’t know how you even know I did it anyway, and I suppose it doesn’t even matter, but it was harmless!”

“Kira, you know what your mother told you. You know that she would _murder_ me if she knew you’d gotten yourself involved like that.”

Delphine recognised the voice that she had first heard. It was Cosima’s voice, but it was much angrier and sterner than she had ever heard it before.

“My mum would also kill you if you let me eat a donut for lunch, but you do that anyway! Come on, Aunty Cosima, it was a _packet of biscuits!_ ”

“I know that Kira, I do! But this is _serious_ , okay? You have a lot of freedom here, but that is one thing that I _have_ to say no to.”

“I’m only trying to help-”

“Kira, if there is one thing you can be sure of, it’s that I know you want to help. And I am so grateful to you for that, but you are helping by just being here, doing your part. It’s too dangerous to get too close to her. Art told us all that, and you should really listen to him.”

The voices came nearer and shoes starting hitting the patio as the two girls walked through the space, and Delphine, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping on their conversation, hid behind one of the enormous walls of what appeared to be some thick black bamboo. It was taller than Delphine by at least a head, and she could see through the gaps in the leaves if she stood close enough to the foliage. The two girls were walking around the patio, Cosima with her hand on Kira’s shoulder.

“You should know this, Kira; I am doing everything in my power to keep this situation under control. Her team has been tailored to ensure the best results in our favour…take Heidi, for instance.”

Delphine struggled to contain the gasp that threatened to leave her mouth at that moment.

 _They’re talking about me…they’re talking about_ my _team!_

“Seven months ago, Heidi lost her sister, Katja to Follicular Lymphoma. Eric’s mother was one of the first women in the world to display the symptoms a few years ago, and she died not long after – we know now that she died of Follicular Lymphoma. Isaac has had to deal with the death of his daughter. She died very recently…of Follicular Lymphoma. Colin is here because he has carried out hundreds of autopsies on women who died due to unnatural causes…90% of whom turned out to have died due to…”

“Follicular Lymphoma…” Kira finished, her voice small. “I didn’t know.”

“No, it was meant to stay that way. And I _know_ you want to help me, I _do_ know that, and I’m _so_ lucky to have a niece like you, but Helena is doing nobody any favours when she tells you things that you really shouldn’t know. It’s for your own safety – I know I sound like a complete jerk when I say that, and I would probably have done what you did, but _please_ , stay away. This is not your fight.”

“How can you say that, Aunty Cosima? _All_ of us at home are fighting for you, whether you like it or not. Everyone thinks I’m too young, but I know what I’m doing.”

Delphine saw through the thick bamboo that they had stopped walking. Cosima turned to Kira, putting her hands on each of Kira’s shoulders. She paused again, thinking of the right thing to say before she continued. Delphine could feel the sweat forming on her brow as she subconsciously leaned in to hear what Cosima said next.

“Kira. Don’t argue with me on this. If your mother found out, she would stop you coming to work here, and neither of us wants that. So _please_ , for the love of Aslan and all things religiously symbolic, _don’t talk to her more than you have to!_ ”

“Okay, fine. But I just have to say one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Follow your own advice. It’s you she’s here for, we know that much, and the closer you get to her, the more dangerous it gets for you too. Oh, and it’s obvious that you totally fancy her.”

Delphine heard a small giggle and Cosima saying “cheeky” before she saw Kira scurry off, going back into the building, leaving Cosima alone. She stood there for about ten seconds before she sighed and ran her hands over her face. Delphine heard her mumble and could just make out the words, “I’m so _fucked!_ ” before Cosima re-entered the building herself.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Her mind busy with other thoughts, it took Cosima a long time to notice that someone was calling her name. Her head snapped up and turned to the source of the sound. It was Scott.

“Scotty Boy!” She smiled at him, not feeling the emotion she projected. “How’s your lunch break so far?”

“Well, it was going fine until about three minutes ago when I saw Dr. Cormier literally sprint out of the building.” He joined her at her table.

“You- what? Why?”

“You mean why did I see her or why was she running? Because you’d really need to ask _her_ for answers to the latter.” She hit his arm gently in response to his sarcastic comment and rolled her eyes.

“Well, do you know where she went?”

“No, all I saw was her turning right when she got out of the building.” When he saw Cosima get up, he looked confused. “Are you going to go and find her? Why? Let sleeping dogs lie, I say. If she doesn’t like it here, maybe she’ll leave.”

“Scott! What kind of person are you? I didn’t peg you for a laissez-faire idiot. I’m her boss, and at any rate, it would look odd if I just let her run out of here without checking on anything. Somewhere along the line, this is kind of my duty.”

She left him at the table in the cafeteria and hurried to leave the building, all the while thinking about how she was going to keep her relationship with Delphine secret from Scott and her family. She wasn’t sure what their relationship even _was_ \- they hadn’t discussed anything. All Cosima knew was that she had slept better in one week than she had in at least two years, and she had the blonde to thank for that. So, of course, she was going to find out what had caused Delphine to run out of the building. She owed her that much.

 _What am I thinking? I don’t owe her shit! She’s here for one thing and it certainly isn’t love,_ Cosima grumbled to herself. She stopped in her tracks.

Love?

Had she just thought that?

What did that mean?

_Am I keeping her here for love?_

_No._ Cosima dismissed those thoughts immediately.

She mentally shook herself and thought about where a lonely French woman who knew nothing of the town she was working in would run to.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It hadn’t taken long to find her. She was sitting in the café that Cosima had taken her to last weekend, which was very busy at this time of day. Cosima watched her for a moment, and saw a waitress bring a sandwich on a plate to her, trying to engage her in some sort of communication, but Delphine mumbled some thanks whilst looking at the table, trying hard to engage as little as possible. She could see the waitress lean towards her a little and ask something. Delphine looked very uncomfortable, so Cosima moved forward to intervene and stop any more awkwardness from ensuing.

“Hey, Andrea!” Cosima surprised them both with her presence, most of all Delphine. Andrea looked at her and stepped away from Delphine. “Thanks for looking after her, I appreciate it. Can I ask you to get us both a cup of coffee as well, please? I think we need it.” Tension only half successfully eradicated, Andrea nodded at her and left to get the coffee. Cosima sat down opposite Delphine and started talking slowly, not wanting to make her too nervous or uncomfortable.

“Scott saw you running out of Topside. You wanna talk about it?”

Delphine looked alarmed, probably at the fact that she had been spotted running out, but there was a security guard who manned the door at all times, so she can’t have been too surprised. Her eyes were wide, like a doe caught in the middle of the road facing an oncoming car. Cosima took hold of her hands but Delphine jumped at the contact and quickly retracted them, keeping them hidden under the table.

“ _Quoi?_ I am fine, yes. No need to worry.” Her speech was tight, strained and fast. There was something seriously wrong here.

“I know that’s not true. Come on, what’s wrong?”

Delphine was silent for a moment before speaking. She gave a small huff that could have been taken as a humourless laugh.

“You know, I meant to come here to write. Usually, I always carry with me my writing kit…pen…paper…highlighter…sometimes I even have a ruler and a pencil with a little rubber on the end.” Her smile was small but endearing.

“Did you just say ‘rubber’?” Cosima asked, smiling.

“Yes… why?”

“Just being American, that’s all…” she tried to wink at Delphine but she wasn’t looking at her, so she gave up her attempts. She let Delphine continue on her change of topic, but she wasn’t going to let Delphine escape so easily. She waited patiently as Delphine continued speaking, tears forming in her eyes.

“I am afraid that I have…I have made a fool of myself. I have forgotten the most important piece of my kit. I have no paper. I have nothing to write on except the table, which is entirely unhelpful.”

“Oh absolutely. I don’t think Gus would be too happy if you ran off with his table, claiming it held your deepest, darkest secrets on its veneer.” Delphine smiled at that. Cosima patted herself on the back for getting such a reaction.

The blonde woman reached into the pocket of her jacket which hung on the back of her chair, pulling out a small pen.

“This is all I brought with me today.”

After a moment’s silence, Cosima tried to keep her talking before she retreated into her shell once more.

“I have to disagree with you on one point.” Delphine met her eyes for the first time.

“What point?”

“Hang on a moment.” Cosima stood and walked casually to the stand near the front of the café that held paper cups and water and a large pile of napkins. She picked up a few of the napkins and returned to Delphine, who hadn’t taken her eyes off the brunette. “I have to disagree with you when you say that paper is the most important element of writing. Here you have your paper.” She pointed at the napkins and then picked up the pen, pocketing it for the moment. “Whereas, if you have no pen, you have no chance in hell of writing a damned thing. The pen…translates your thoughts into reality, don’t you think? ‘A rose by any other name would smell as sweet’… That sort of thing. The words you write have the same potency whether in a notebook of vellum or…on a napkin. The words still mean the same thing, right?”

Delphine latched onto the topic of discussion that Cosima had started, her eyes brightening and restoring life to the dead eyes they were moments previously.

“Oh yes? Tell me, you think that one single line reading ‘Don’t Waste Paper’ would have the same meaning on an A4 vellum leaf than on a napkin? Reading is an experience and the medium upon which you choose to present that experience has every importance. The irony of ‘Don’t Waste Paper’ on A4 is increased tenfold when compared to it being written on a napkin. You see?”

Cosima’s mind threw an idea right at her at that moment, and it knocked her sideways, taking her completely by surprise.

_No…I couldn’t…_

Slowly, she pulled the pen back out from out of her pocket, hands shaking ever so slightly.

“I see your point… but let’s test this. I’m going to write something on this here napkin, and I’m going to see exactly how you respond to what I’ve written. I think it will have the same effect as it would have if it was written in a notebook. Of course, we can’t test that entirely accurately, because if you’ve read it once your reaction won’t be the same, but I don’t think you'll need to read it twice anyway.”

Cosima’s heart was thumping against her skin, she was so nervous as she pulled the cap off the pen and slowly wrote on the napkin, struggling to keep her handwriting legible due to the way her hands were shaking like Shakira’s hips on a Saturday night.

 _“Follow your own advice. It’s you she’s here for, we know that much, and the closer you get to her, the more dangerous it gets for you too…”_ Kira’s warning flowed through her mind, repeating over and over again. She was doing the right thing, she knew it. Best to tackle a problem head on. Nodding to herself, she replaced the cap on the pen, and slowly handed over the napkin. Delphine noticed her shaking hands and nervously took the napkin, looking down to read it after holding eye contact with Cosima for a moment longer.

Cosima’s stomach was doing strange things, making her feel quite thoroughly sick.

Delphine’s eyes shot back up to hers as she finished reading the sentence, fear evident in her eyes. They stared at each other a moment longer, but at that moment, Miriam arrived with their coffees. Delphine took that opportunity to shoot up and hurry out of the café, leaving the napkin abandoned, along with her sandwich. Cosima, fenced in by Andrea, found herself unable to run after her. The waitress looked at her in confusion. Cosima sighed, unsurprised at Delphine’s reaction.

“Well An, if you want, you can join me for a coffee break. You got a spare minute?” Cosima smiled at the waitress and winked.

“Oh, Cos come on. I’ve told you, I already have a girlfriend, so I can’t. But seeing as you’re paying, I will happily take the coffee.” She winked at Cosima and removed Delphine’s steaming coffee from the table. Cosima pulled Delphine’s abandoned sandwich towards her and took a bite out of it.

_Oooh, brie and tomato! Excellent choice._

She sipped at her coffee, and then picked up the napkin, looking at the words she had written, reading them over and over again, wondering if she actually _had_ made the right decision.

**I know you’re a spy.**

**I know you’re a spy.**

**_I know you’re a spy._ **

There was no hiding from this anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> We've made it to the confrontation!  
> I would like to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who has read, given the story kudos and commented so far, it's a huge boost for me, and it's probably the reason why I'm updating a crazy amount of times a week.  
> I wrote this chapter this morning in a café which is probably why the confrontation takes place in one.  
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> HermioneSpencer


	12. 'I Am Justly Killed With Mine Own Treachery'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning: Flashback in the second part is violent. This may be the last one that is so graphic because the plot moves on after this one *oooooh* #DelphineHasLeftThePartay**  
>   
> 
> Dear Reader,
> 
> I cannot believe the reaction I have received for this story so far. I never thought for one moment that it would end up being as appreciated by you as it has. I cannot express my gratitude to a high enough standard to the readers who have commented their emotions and reactions and thoughts on each chapter and made me exceedingly happy with each one.  
> Honestly, Reader, I love you more than pineapple juice (which is my saviour right now, for I have a very sore throat...) and I am truly grateful to you for continuing to read this.  
> This is my first ever multi-chapter fic, so I legitimately have no idea what I'm doing besides spewing words out, formatting them into a few vague paragraphs and hoping for the best.  
> Thank you for being so wonderful as a readership! Every chapter I write gets more love put into it as I get more attached and I hope it shows, but really, that is down to you for making me _want_ to write more, and better.
> 
> HermioneSpencer

_No…NO… **NO!**_   How could she have let this happen?  How had this even happened without her seeing it coming?  It all made sense now…the staggered progress she had been kept at, the hurried process of getting the job, the speed with which she found herself here, and now the conversation she had overheard on the roof garden…everything was perfectly clear!  Delphine wasn’t just a pawn for Leekie to use…she was in the middle of a _game_ that Cosima and Leekie were playing, and she hadn’t even known it.  Even little Kira – cheeky, innocent little Kira had played her part, gaining her trust with food offerings and friendly words.  The perfect, innocent little act that had bound her to Topside…to Cosima.  _“You’ve found us now.”_   Oh, what a clever, sneaky little girl…

Delphine realised quite quickly that she had absolutely nowhere to go.  Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and no one to run _to_ , at this point.  Leekie would surely not help her, now that Cosima had revealed that she knew.  She was, in every way, truly alone, just as she had been before Leekie had made his surprise return into her life about a month ago.

Delphine mentally kicked herself for having allowed the situation to become what it was.  She had allowed herself to be lulled into a false sense of belonging…feeling like she was actually at all a part of what anyone was doing here.  She was an imposter.  Not only was she there to steal from the people she as working with, she was also all the worse for acting as if she had any right to be upset about what she as doing, whilst everyone she had been working with had a much stronger connection to this work than she ever could have.  Heidi had lost her sister, Eric had lost his mother – Isaac had lost a _daughter!_   Even if she had somehow got here through honest means, she would have no right working with them.

Taking a random right turning down a very small street, Delphine burst into tears, sinking down to the sidewalk, her back scraping down the brick behind her.  She wallowed in self-pity and disgust, but after a moment, she felt her phone vibrate.

In a Pavlovian response, she froze, expecting it to be Leekie.  How could he know, already?  Had Cosima returned to Topside and told everyone?  Had Marion let him know of her failure?  Was Cosima, at this very moment, laughing with everyone there over the remainder of the lunch break about Delphine’s reliance on Cosima to sleep at night?  Delphine felt sick at how careless she had been.  She had gotten too close to Cosima, thinking that _she_ was the one with the upper hand, but all along…Cosima had known…had played her little game.

Delphine pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket, her stomach grumbling.  She ignored it.  She was used to doing that, by now.  She had a message from an unknown number.  Nervously, Delphine opened it and read it.

**I promise that I’m not going to do anything to you, we just need to talk.**

_What?  Cosima?_   A moment later, the phone started buzzing in Delphine’s hands, startling her.  It was the same number, calling her.  Debating whether or not to pick it up, she decided that there was absolutely nothing to lose now, so she answered the phone.

“Yes?” She asked, nervously biting her lip.

“Please come back, Delphine.  You know that you can’t hide from this anymore, and I’m pretty sure I’m the only person in the whole of Topside willing to help you right now, so don’t run from this.  You need my help.  I’ll be waiting outside the café and we can find somewhere neutral to talk.  How does that sound?”

“Why can’t we talk over the phone?” She asked, hating the way in which she sounded like a petulant child.

“Delphine, you are in no position to make demands.  Tell me you have somewhere to go that no one will find you, and I’ll leave you alone right this second.  But right now, I need to speak to you, face to face, and we need to sort this out.”

Delphine bit her lip harder.  She hated it, but she knew Cosima was right.  If Cosima was telling the truth, then the brunette really _was_ the only person who would be willing to help her right now.  At any rate, whilst she had been playing a game, Delphine still hadn’t “suffered a fatal heart attack” on a jet yet, so Cosima had kept her alive for _something._  

“I will not be long.”  She said stiffly and then hung up the phone.

Cosima was waiting outside the café like she had said she would be.  _So far, so good,_ Delphine thought.

Nervous to approach the brunette, Delphine kept an unnaturally large distance between them, not wanting to be surprised with a gun held to her back and led to a ditch to be shot somewhere.  She knew it was a stupid thought, and she could probably overpower the smaller woman, but she didn’t want to get any closer.  _And just last night, I was holding her in my arms…_ Delphine forced herself to stop thinking about that.  It would do neither of them any favours.  She simply stood, looking at Cosima, and waited for her to say something.

Cosima took a micro-step towards her, but Delphine moved back the same distance, nervous of what Cosima would do to her.  Cosima nodded, pursing her lips, and then raised a hand, revealing a sandwich box that Delphine had not noticed before.

“You were kind enough to let me try your sandwich.  Brie and tomato.  I liked it.  I’m returning the favour; this is my favourite…prawn mayonnaise.  I find the tang of the dressing is accompanied perfectly by the tame saltiness of the prawns.  I figured you’d be hungry.  You did leave me yours, you know?”  There was a twinkle in her eyes and she was smiling, but Delphine made no move to accept the sandwich.

Cosima looked at her, hand outstretched, and then seemed to tag on to what Delphine was thinking.  “You- seriously?  You think there’s poison in a sandwich?  What kind of a fool do you take me for, Delphine?  We’re in broad daylight!”  Sighing, she broke off a bit of the sandwich and ate it herself.  “Delphine, I have absolutely no intention of hurting you, kidnapping you or doing any crazy shit to you at all, okay?”  When Delphine was satisfied, she took two long steps forward and took the sandwich from the brunette’s hand ravenously.  She devoured the sandwich quickly, her stomach crying at the sweet relief of food entering her system.  Cosima looked relieved that she had pacified her that much.

“So…there’s a small park somewhere around here.  I think it has a few benches that you can choose from.”  Slowly, she turned around, and led the way, Delphine following her with her prawn sandwich.  Cosima was right; the balance of flavours was delightful on her palate.  The large distance between them reduced somewhat, Delphine still kept the width of the sidewalk between them both.  She wasn’t anywhere near comfortable, not at all.

They remained silent the whole way to the park.  Cosima indicated for Delphine to take the lead when they arrived, letting her choose where they should sit.  Finally settled on a bench overlooking an expanse of green, Cosima turned her face to look at Delphine after admiring the view for a moment.

“I think it’s fair to say that you have a lot of explaining to do.”

Delphine’s immediate reaction was one of resentment.  Why did she have to explain herself to this woman?  She tutted to herself.  She was just being belligerent.  Of _course_ she had to explain herself – it was ridiculous to even entertain the thought that she didn’t.  _She_ was the one where she shouldn’t be, _she_ was the one who had come into Cosima’s territory and threatened her livelihood… _not_ the other way around.

Delphine nodded, her chin tucked close into her chest, looking down.

“Yes...yes, you’re right.  What- what do you want to know?”  Delphine resigned herself to this fate.  Leekie wouldn’t protect her, she knew that much.  Cosima was her safest bet.

Cosima mirrored Delphine, chewing on her own lip before speaking.

“Here’s how this is going to work.  I’m going to ask you some questions, and the more answers you give me, the more inclined I will be to believe you, and listen to everything you have to say.”

“And how do I know that you won’t have someone kill me in my sleep?” she asked, her eyes tearing up.

“What?  _Jesus,_ Delphine!  I’m not a _monster!_   Shit, you must have assumed something about the last guy…  Okay, all I’m gonna say is that that whole situation was a mistake and definitely not something I wish to be repeated, but I did _not_ have him killed.  And I promise I will not have _you_ murdered tonight either –or any other night - or day – oh shit I can’t do this wordplay crap…How’s this:  I promise to keep you under my protection for…as long as you remain cooperative.  There.  Okay?”  Delphine nodded slowly, a mixture of relief and cold, cold terror flowing through her whole body, engulfing her and threatening to pull her under the waves of her anxiety.

“Let’s start then.  Who are you working for?”  Delphine paused before answering.  This was the moment…as soon as she answered this…she could no longer take it back.  She had to be _sure_ before she betrayed her agreement with Leekie.  “It’s Dr. Aldous Leekie, right?”

Delphine’s head snapped up to Cosima’s face.  _Or maybe not.  Maybe she’ll answer_ all _of my questions,_ Delphine thought wryly.  She nodded twice, slowly but firmly.  _Well, that’s that,_ Delphine thought as tears threatened to fall once more.  She was making such a mess of this.

“How do you know that?” Cosima shook her head in response to Delphine’s question.

“No, that’s not how this is going to work.  _I’m_ asking the questions, alright?”

Suitably chastised, Delphine returned her head to looking down at the grass under her feet.

“What does Leekie want from Topside?”

“Uhm…well…everything… He wants to take everything you have, take it on himself and sell it as his.”

Cosima’s jaw hardened and her mouth became a thin line of intense anger.  Delphine had never seen her this…stony…apart from the time she had slipped up about Ethan Duncan.  There had been a hint of this anger then, but Delphine only realised it then.  _Oh, merde…Dr. Ethan Duncan!  She knew it from the very beginning!  She could tell I had no idea who he was!  She must have known my excuses were…bullshit._

“Okay, and what time frame did he give you to get your hands on everything?” she asked, observing Delphine closely.

“He told me six months would be ideal, any more would be pushing it but doable.  He expected you to have found a cure in that time.”

“I see.  And how much have you got so far?  How much does he know?”

Delphine wanted to lie, but she knew Cosima would know it.  She seemed to be able to tell when she was lying.  Maybe that was why it had been so easy for her.  Looking into Cosima’s eyes, Delphine found herself once again mesmerised by how they could hold such fierce emotion and power.

“Everything I know.  Everything.  Models, samples, tests, results…”

Cosima’s face broke Delphine’s heart.  Her lip was being torn at by her teeth, her eyes were tightly shut, and her breathing was ragged.

Delphine stretched out a hand to touch Cosima, shocking the both of them, but neither pulled away from the contact.  To Delphine, Cosima’s hand in hers felt almost like an anchor, keeping her in one place, not swept off by the tide.

“I am… _so_ sorry…” she whispered, unable to use her voice for fear of it wobbling and leading to tears, tears more _fucking_ tears.

Cosima raised a hand to her forehead and leaned her elbow on her knees, her other hand still clasped to Delphine’s, although neither could understand why.

“I’m so _stupid!_ ”

“No!  No!  You knew this… all along…”

“Everyone told me it was a bad idea.  They _all_ disagreed with me, and _still_ I went along with it.” She laughed snidely.  “You know, I thought I could manipulate you into doing something differently.  I met you in that hallway, and you were so nice and- _funny…_ I _knew_ it was all _bullshit_ but I still thought I could persuade you to change your mind about doing this.  I wanted to trust you _so badly_ but I had to remind myself, every day, that you were out to ruin my life’s work.”  She stood up, abruptly, discarding Delphine’s hand and walking around the park.  They were definitely late for the afternoon now, but Delphine didn’t think she would ever be going back inside Topside again, so she supposed it hardly mattered.  She could see Cosima wipe her eyes and heard her sniffle, but she made no move to comfort her.  Delphine didn’t have the right, and she deserved every ounce of crap that Cosima was sure to throw her way.

“So Leekie knows everything you know, correct?”

“ _Non,_ not everything.”

“What?  What haven’t you told him?”

“About… about- _non_ , never mind.  But it’s not even him I’m really telling, anyway.  He merely makes me call him every evening so he can shout profanities at me.  It’s Marion Bowles who’s doing the actual collection of information.”

Cosima stopped in her tracks and then slowly turned her head to Delphine, her body side on.

“Marion Bowles?  Is she in on it too?  Fucking _hell!_   Well there you go, Delphine, you’ve just found the reason why I can’t kill you.” She waved her arms about, looking very distressed, but Delphine knew she had said the right thing.  Offering up information that Cosima hadn’t asked for had earned her a little more trust from the brunette.  “ _Shit!_   That means DYAD must be falling behind.” Delphine could see Cosima’s eyes flick around, looking everything in the park as if they all held clues to some big plan.  “If they’re sending spies to _steal_ a whole cure…the merger was suspicious enough but _this…_ I have to tell Sarah…”  Cosima was mumbling to herself now more than talking to Delphine, her mind trying to sort through the information she had stored in there, which was an incredible amount more than Delphine had.  “Delphine, I need to know one more thing.”  Hearing her name brought her attention back to the woman pacing in front of her.  The brunette moved towards the bench and sat back beside Delphine.  “Why?  Why are _you_ doing this?  Why did you say yes?”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

 _Delphine awoke with a shock, her body telling her it had to be emptied_ now. _She shot up and spewed vomit all over the floor at the side of the bed she was in.  When she had finished emptying her stomach of the gross, alcohol induced vomit, she was able to look around and try to work out where she was.  The bed she was in was quite small and extremely uncomfortable.  The pillow was not kind to the lump that had formed on the back of Delphine’s head where she had been struck last night.  She looked around the room she was in which was a distraction from the pain of her head on the pillow but didn’t recognise where she was at all._

_Her eyes fell on a second bed in the room she was in, which was holding a small figure in its undulating landscape of bedclothes.  Delphine wasted no time in hurrying out of her bed, avoiding the pool of sick and ran to the side of the bed.  She gently pulled back the covers, needing to make sure before she got her hopes up.  The blanket pulled back, she was right, it was Danielle!_

_She let out a long, relieved breath, which then turned into intense guilt, shame, and horror._

_Danielle was here, there was no doubt about that, but she was most definitely not fine.  It wasn’t possible, not after what she had gone through last night…_

Wait… _she thought,_ what day is it?  How much time has passed? _Not really wanting to know the answer, she simply fell to her knees at the bedside and cried into the sheets by Danielle’s sleeping form.  She didn’t dare touch her…she didn’t know how she might react after…_ Oh God, it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault _._

_She didn’t realise that she had begun to repeat it out loud like a mantra to aid her in her focus in concentrating all of her guilt into her heart, letting it rip, tear and pull at every artery vein and ventricle, her pulse suddenly feeling disgustingly healthy as it pumped blood through her body.  She stopped whispering when a hand touched her head, causing her to jump and look up._

_Danielle had woken up and she was looking at Delphine, her eyes older than Delphine had ever seen them.  This only spurred on more sobs from Delphine.  All she had ever done these past hours was_ cry _and her headache was proof she hadn’t drunk any water to replace the tears.  Guilt stopped her from looking at Danielle for long, but the curly haired brunette moved in the bed.  She left enough space on the side of the bed Delphine was on for her to join her.  It was then that Delphine noticed that they were both dressed in loose white tops and trousers.  It looked rather clinical, which contrasted with the room they were in._

_Danielle patted the empty space and then looked up at Delphine.  She spoke first, her voice scratchy and dry._

_“Serre-moi, s’il te plaît.”_ Hold me, please.

_Delphine did just that.  She occupied the proffered space on the bed and took Danielle into her arms, gently but firmly.  Danielle’s head was resting on Delphine’s chest, and they both cried together silently for a very long time, neither one willing to let the other go, clinging on for dear life._

_Danielle was the first to stop crying.  She stroked Delphine as all the blonde could say was “Je suis désolée… je suis désolée…_ _je suis désolée…” but after a while, they were lying together in silence._

_Danielle’s small, slightly anxious French carried to Delphine’s ears like a mote of dust in the air._

_“Delphine…I have been a fool.”_

_“What are you talking about, my love?  This is all_ my _fault, you did nothing wrong,_ nothing. _”_

_“No, I’m not talking about that, Delphine.  There is something I have wanted to tell you for many years – ever since I met you at Lycée Aube when Madame Moreau embarrassed me in front of the whole school on the first day.  You took care of me after that, and I knew from that moment…Delphine…” she lifted a hand and cupped Delphine’s cheek.  “ Je t’aime, Delphine.”_

_Delphine felt a bubble of worry pop, and she felt the worries spill away.  Oh, how she had prayed for this…_

_“Je sais, Danielle… je t’aime aussi, mon cœur.”  She moved her head down, and kissed Danielle’s hair, still not letting go of the woman she held.  Danielle’s head moved, and she placed a chaste kiss on Delphine’s lips.  The blonde returned it gently, knowing that she would not dare do anything more for fear of hurting the girl more than she already was.  She deepened the kiss but only slightly, keeping it emotional; communicating everything she felt through the medium of their lips._

_It was at that moment that the door opened, and Delphine realised that they were not safe.  She had entirely forgotten about their location and had focussed on Danielle instead._

_A man was standing in the doorway._ Aldous! _Delphine quickly scrambled off the bed, but she knew he had seen too much.  He was scowling, and his shoulders were set forward angrily.  He was wearing heavy boots and still wore his coat, clearly having just arrived from outside._

_“Oh…” he hummed, his eye twitching.  Delphine stood in between him and Delphine, desperate to defuse the situation._

_“Aldous, where are we?  What is going on?” she stepped closer to him, slipping easily into English, a hand raised ever so slightly as if she wanted to touch him.  The body language that usually worked so well on him had no effect._

_“What’s going on?  You want to know what’s going on?” his eyes bored into hers, and he laughed bitterly.  “You were in bed with another woman, that’s what’s going on!”_

_She was confused for a moment but then shook her head._

_“What?  Non, Aldous!  It was nothing!”_

_“Nothing?  Please, Delphine.  You’ve caused enough trouble already.  Ferdinand needed emergency care and an incredible amount of stitches!  You_ embarrassed _me in front of my friends, and now Ferdinand is holding me personally responsible for his injuries!  I should have gotten rid of you both last night, but Ferdinand persuaded me otherwise.  We can still use the both of you.”_

_Delphine listened to every word, paying close attention to what he was saying.  What possible use could he have for them now?  She was no longer fawning over him at every turn.  She had discovered the sycophantic pushover that he really was._

_“Come, both of you, I need to take you to the car.” He moved forward._

_“The car?  And where will the car be taking us?” She stopped him from getting any nearer by meeting him halfway, blocking him._

_“For fuck’s sake, Delphine, you are not as important as you seem to believe yourself.  Now get out of my way!”  He pushed her out of the way and started to drag Danielle off the bed, who struggled against him, kicking and scratching._

_Delphine was sick to death of people taking control of her.  She was_ sick _of people thinking that they could have a say in how Delphine lived her life.  She was_ sick _of the_ constant _struggle Delphine had with doing things_ her own way. _Why was it so hard to be able to make her own choices?  Before she had given it any more thought, she had grabbed Aldous’ jacket and shoved him onto the floor, a strength found in her from what must have been a full day’s rest; it was dark out, so it must be evening again.  He was knocked down onto his back, and Danielle was suddenly beside her, helping Delphine by holding him down on the floor.  Delphine straddled him and began punching his face again and again and again, eliciting groans from the disgusting man beneath her.  She screamed as she hit him, the pain of every time he had hit her, hurt her and raped her seething in the forefront of her mind, spurring her on.  She could see his hand trying to reach inside his coat pocket but she stopped him, trapping both of his hands under her knees.  She grabbed his head, lifted it up, pulling his whole body with it, and smacked it against the floor beneath him, and she could have sworn that she heard a dull crack as his skull was split._

 _He was motionless and out cold, eyed closed, but Delphine didn’t know if he was dead.  She didn’t really_ want _to know, unsure of how she would feel.  She began to shake as she remained on top of the man.  Danielle grabbed her hand and pulled her up, urging her to leave the room and get out of there as quickly as they could, but Delphine couldn’t get up… her legs were frozen, clenching around his groin._

 _Her hand reached into the pocket he had attempted to get to moments before.  She gasped as she pulled out a semi-automatic pistol._ He was going to shoot me! _She held onto it and quickly stood up, reclaiming custody of Danielle’s hand with her free one.  They ran out of the room and flew down the stairs, believing they were alone in the building, which seemed to be a house._

_They were wrong._

_They made it to the hallway and were reaching the front door when it opened, to reveal Ferdinand.  There was a moment in which everyone was still, taking in the situation.  Delphine reacted first, her body still full of hatred, but despite his debilitated state, Ferdinand was too quick for her.  She had raised the gun and pointed it at his chest, Danielle’s hand no longer in hers to provide her with the strength she needed as she had run behind him and was doing her best to hit his head with an end table that she had picked up from somewhere.  If it weren’t for the tension of the situation, it might have been comical.  His hand covered hers and they fought, uncomfortably close with the gun between them, twisting this way and that, a terrible dance in which one simple misstep would leave one of them shot, bleeding._

_The situation was as tense as expanded elastic…it was so close so snapping at any moment._

_Ferdinand head-butted her and she cried out as her nose tingled with that incredibly strange feeling one gets when the nose is hurt, and in that moment of surprise, her arm was weak.  Her mind was fuzzy, she couldn’t think, but she felt a strong jolt in her arm as the gun was fired, her hand covered by Ferdinand’s, as he controlled her hand._

_The elastic had snapped._

_And there, in the middle of the hallway, was Danielle Fournier, lying on the floor, blood pouring out of a hole in her chest, just above her heart._

So wise so young, they say, do never live long. 


	13. A Process of Abrasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> A short chapter today, but a _very_ important one.  
>  Thank you for reading!
> 
> HermioneSpencer

_Nothing. What is… nothing?_

_Emptiness?_

_Blankness?_

_An absence…of…_ something?

 _A canvas can be blank and empty with nothing on it, but that is a hopeful kind of… absence of_ something _. It holds a promise of something more… something to come… a picture to be painted in the future. The moment that will be captured just hasn’t arrived yet. Yes, that is hopeful._

 _A person can be blank and empty with nothing in them, but that is not a hopeful kind of… absence of_ something. _An empty person has lost that which once filled them. An empty person is the history book of a great tale of loss… of pain… sometimes even tragedy. The words of their tale fill them, but the words have no substance inside them. They are empty. They are blank. They are filled… with_ nothing.

_Delphine became an empty person the moment that gun was fired._

_Everything she had been was scrubbed away from the inside. She looked the same on the outside, but internally, the most important change was taking place. Her identity, her whole_ being _was abraded by the death of Danielle, and it left one vestigial emotion. Guilt._

 _There was so much of it, it consumed her and it took away from_ Delphine _and left behind a girl no one knew._

_This process of abrasion started scraping away from the moment she fell to Danielle’s side and found her dead._

_It was so strong that she stopped living right then._

_She lay down beside her bleeding beloved and made a soft promise never to get back up again. Never again would she rise, never again would she walk, never again would she eat a single thing. Not until she died herself and joined Danielle, wherever she was. She would let her limbs atrophy- she would let_ everything _waste away. It was the least she could do._

_Her promise was broken sometime later when Leekie pulled her up and sat her in a chair. Her white clothes were covered in blood. Danielle’s clothes were worse._

_She didn’t_ want _to sit in the chair. She didn’t_ want _to leave Danielle’s side. She_ wanted _to avenge her; she_ wanted _to kill the men who had taken_ everything _from her._

_But she was empty, now. There was nothing left of her._

_“Delphine, I swear to God if you don’t start paying attention you will go the same way as her.” Leekie’s voice captured the attention of the last remaining part that was left of her. The guilt had become the last of who she was. She looked up at him, eyes dead. “Do you understand what I just said?”_

_“Sorry, what was it you just said?” She tucked her legs up to bring them under her chin which she promptly leant on her kneecaps, trying to make herself as small as possible._

_Leekie slammed the table with his hand. Delphine jumped._

_“Delphine! This is_ serious! _You just killed a girl!”_

 _“_ I _just killed a girl? What are you talking about? I didn’t kill her,_ Ferdinand _did!”_

_“No, Delphine. You killed her.”_

_His face spread into a gruesome grin which sent shivers up Delphine’s spine, and not the good kind. He had never given that kind of shiver anyway; Delphine didn’t know why he would start now._

_“You came to a party with me last night, and you grew so jealous that she slept with me, your boyfriend, that you shot her. You stole my gun from my jacket and shot her in the hallway as she was preparing to leave. That’s what I’ll tell the law, at any rate. And so will Ferdinand.”_

_Delphine looked at him, eyes wide as comprehension seeped into her mind._

_“Bu- but… what?” Guilt. Guilt. Guilt._ I _was_ the one who held the gun. I _did_ shoot her. I hadn’t _meant_ to, but I did…

 _Delphine had known it all along_ , _but hadn’t been willing to admit it. More guilt. Guilt upon guilt upon guilt. This is what she had become…_

_She retreated back into herself and let herself be moved about by Leekie and Ferdinand. They changed her clothes and stuck a coat over her, handing her a pair of shoes. They shoved her into a car and soon a thump in the boot of the car told her that Danielle would be joining them for this journey._

_They stopped after about an hour of driving._

_She was pulled out of the car and suddenly she found they had walked from the car to a large field next to a children’s playground. It was abandoned, the time being very near dawn. No child would be in a playground this early._

_There was nothing scary or sad about this playground. Sometimes they can be such dreadful things in the black of night, but this playground was well-loved, that was clear. It was something in the air that told her._

_Ferdinand and Leekie were digging._

_Something inside Delphine, the_ real _Delphine, was horrified._

Not next to the children, surely?

_As the two men dug, Delphine sank to her knees a few metres away and put her head in her hands. She prayed for the first time in many, many years._

Please, let these children avoid this horror and protect them from the sordid history that is being hidden in this earth. 

Please, do not let my dishonesty permeate unto those pure souls.

Please, do not let my emptiness – like a black hole – steal the lives of these children away.

Please, let these children _never_ have to feel what I have felt. 

Please, let these children _never_ have to go through what I have gone through. 

_Please_ , let these children _never_ make others feel like these men have made me feel. 

_Her mind was full of… nothing._

_She thought of… nothing._

_She could feel the dust settle in her brain, the cogs slowing to a halt and finally, her mind let the last of Delphine shrink to nothing, as the sand charged wind took the essence of her being away and carried it off. To where? Delphine didn’t know. But Delphine didn’t care anymore._

_She was… nothing._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“It’s okay, Delphine! Delphine! Shhh, listen to me, stop shaking, it’s okay! I’m here! I’m here for you, please, just listen to my voice!”

Delphine had been taken over by the _Guilt_ ; it possessed her and forced her to the grass in the park in which she had spoken with Cosima. _Cosima…_ Opening her eyes, Delphine saw Cosima’s face. She felt the woman’s arms around her, holding her and rocking her… soothing her.

That confused Delphine. She hadn’t been soothed in so very long.

No one had been there to soothe her.

She hadn’t let anyone close enough.

_Until now…_

“Cosima…”

“It’s okay, Delphine. I’ve got you, okay? Nothing’s going to happen to you, I promise.”

Delphine’s eyes were sore. She realised she had been crying. Looking at Cosima, she saw that the brunette had been too.

“I am sorry, Cosima. I didn’t mean to scare you.” She sat up and wiped at her eyes, trying to sort herself out.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t know the answer would be so painful for you.”

When they were both standing again, Cosima took Delphine’s hands in hers.

“Delphine, what those men have done… it’s evil, you know that, right? You know that if you just _explained_ and told the _truth_ , then you wouldn’t be blamed for it, right?”

“Cosima, it was their word against mine. I couldn’t do anything! And, I think, the moment I shot Danielle, I lost the part of me that wanted to fight back-”

“Delphine you _didn’t_ shoot her!”

“I did! I was holding the gun! I was weak, I couldn’t fight against him and I _let_ him make me shoot her! _I killed my best friend!_ ”

Cosima pulled her into a tight hug, squeezing her so hard that Delphine was successfully winded and could say no more. They hugged for a very long time. Neither one was sure for how long, but neither one wanted to stop it, either.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The blonde was shivering in Cosima’s arms, so she pulled out of the hug and righted her jacket, fastening it up. She rubbed Delphine’s arms to try and get some warmth into her and then guided her to the bench they had been sitting on before. The woman was too tall and rubbing her arms was easier at the same height level.

Cosima looked at Delphine’s face as she worked on warming her a little, but Delphine hardly looked at her face. When she did, she couldn’t look into Cosima’s eyes. The highest they got was Cosima’s nose. They always flicked back down to the floor after that.

Cosima put a hand under her chin and guided Delphine’s face to look at hers.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

Delphine let out a small puff of breath. She spoke slowly.

“Your eyes… they are so powerful. They hold such intense emotion. It kills me, every time. It is so painful I cannot bear it! It’s like… being scratched with a simple pin but being left with a wound larger than a sword. I feel covered in these scars. I have done so much to hurt you, and I could deal with it when you looked at me with disgust, but _Cosima…_ the emotions I see in your eyes… I don’t understand them and the wounds get bigger the less hatred I see in your eyes.”

“Delphine… I have _never_ hated you! You tell me my eyes are murderous… oh, Delphine, there is anything _but_ murder in them! Look at me, look at me. If you’re right, and I kill you with every glance, then take it and let me stab you with pins, covering you in scars, but if you actually _look_ into my eyes, to properly _see_ what’s there, then you would see you’re wrong. Oh, God, you’re so very, very wrong! Look at me, please.”

 _“Hold me, please…”_ The words from a lifetime ago drifted through the air between the two women, softer than breeze, lighter than molecules of air, but at the same time heavier than Atlas’ burden of the world.

Delphine’s eyes slowly came to meet Cosima’s. Tears filled her eyes when they met.

“Can you see, Delphine? Can you see how wrong you are?” Cosima began to cry, but did not let her eyes leave Delphine’s.

Delphine let her tears fall as she nodded. She gasped.

“I’m wrong, Cosima, I’m wrong, I’m wrong, I’m wrong!” She began to laugh, and Cosima joined her too. Soon they were laughing together with tears streaming down both of their faces.

Cosima put a hand behind Delphine’s face and pulled her in closer. Their lips met, salty and sweet, and for the first time it was _free_. Free of any secrets, free of any lies, and free of any doubts.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Delphine had spent years believing that the woman she had been was lost. She had spent years believing that it was impossible to find her again. She had spent years believing that the way to find her had been buried along with Danielle.

She had been wrong.

Cosima had sparked a different process of abrasion. This time, it worked from the outside _in._ Cosima was gentle in her method, like soft sand exfoliating skin.

Little did Delphine know, the woman she was… had been hiding, very small, _inside_ her. And Cosima’s insistent abrasion had worn away her coarse outer skin, revealing the _real_ Delphine just beneath that.

Cosima had found her.

Together, they looked at who she was.

Cosima learnt, and Delphine _re_ learnt. 

Abrasion…

There are times when it leaves _nothing_ behind. It wears away a rock face… it bites skin off your body.

But there are also times when it leaves _everything…_ right there, in front of you.

Sometimes, _nothing_ is hopeful. Sometimes, it is not.

Sometimes, _everything_ is overwhelming. Sometimes, it is beautiful.


	14. Antiparallels: Should Those Two Meet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning: mature chapter for licentious content. Huehue.**  
>   
> 
> Dear Reader,
> 
> I offer unto you, my humblest of widow's mite.  
> Enjoy! Please don't kill me or whatever.
> 
> HermioneSpencer

_“Yes, I already know about that.  Marion was kind enough to tell me that which you neglected to mention.  Is there anything else you’ve decided you want to share after hiding it from me for weeks on end?  Are you about to tell me you’re moving to Kenya?”_

Delphine was sitting at the dining table in her apartment, in the middle of updating Leekie on the day through the phone call he had demanded.  There was a steaming coffee in her hands; one that she had desperately needed, after the day she had had.

“ _Non_ , Leekie.  That was _not_ what I want to say.  Uhm… Something… _happened_ today.”

_“Did she attempt to take things further?”_

“That is not the problem, Leekie, I can handle that.  It’s just that… I was talking to her today.  She- she _knows_ , Leekie.”

 _“Knows?  Knows_ what? _”_ Leekie’s voice grew harsh, cold and unforgiving, making Delphine’s stomach clench.  Delphine persevered.

“About _us_ , about what I am and why I’m here.  She knows I’m a spy and that I’m working for you.”

_“How?  What did you tell her?  Did she fuck it out of you?”_

Delphine cringed at the crassness of his words.   _Merde_ , she hated this man.

“ _Non!_   I told her _nothing_ , Leekie!  If I had, do you really think that I would be _calling_ to tell you I had?  I’m not a fool.  Neither of us stood a chance, Leekie.  She knew who I was before I even got here…  I think she has some sort of informant or something.  I’ve heard mention of someone called Helena who has information, but beyond that, I’m still digging.”

 _“That is… an unfortunate turn of events.”_   Delphine couldn’t see his face but she _knew_ he had clenched his jaw, as he always did when seemingly “controlling” himself. _“We’ll have to organise your extraction as soon as possible.”_

“What?  _No!_   Leekie, it’s fine!  I’ve sorted it out!  I told her everything about me – _everything_ – to gain her trust, and I think I’ve convinced her that I’m willing to work for _her_ now.  She believes that I hate you enough to betray our agreement, and that I will feed you false information from now on to set you on the wrong track.  I’ve “promised” her that I will work with her and find the cure _together_ and instead of getting just 15% with _you_ , I will get 30% with _her_.  I know that I have convinced her – she has invited me to dinner in two days’ time.  She _trusts_ me now, Leekie.  More, I think, than she ever could have without this revelation.”

_“I see.  Are you sure about this?  How can you be certain that she won’t get rid of you at the first opportunity?  Remember that it’s not just you in danger here… if you’re wrong about her trusting you, my neck – along with Marion’s – is on the line.”_

“I am an asset that she cannot ignore.  I gave her insider knowledge.  She knows about Marion thanks to me – and she won’t raise a finger against her because then how is she to know you won’t send another spy in?  You could corrupt any number of her employees and she would never know – as long as I am still here, she thinks I will keep it secret from you and so you won’t send someone else.  It’s perfect.”

_“I still don’t like it-”_

“Leekie!  I know you’re worried, but trust me on this.  I know her better than you do.  She _does_ trust me.”

_“How can you be so sure?”_

“Because… she’s in love with me, Leekie.”

Silence, from the other end of the phone.

_“Is that so?”_

“Yes.  I’m positive.”

_“Well… okay then.  I’m sure I can leave this in your capable hands for now… but don’t forget that I am still expecting information.  See if you can dig deeper at this dinner that she’s invited you to.  I want more, faster.  Good night, Delphine.”_

A click sounded from his end of the phone.  Silence.  A connection, cut.  A broken link.

Delphine smiled to herself.  She was his pawn no longer.  She put the phone on the table next to her coffee just as she felt lips on her skin at the top of her levator scapulae and hands came to rest on her shoulders.  Delphine leant her head forward to allow better access to her neck.

“Did he buy it?”

“I’m pretty sure he did.”  Delphine turned her head and met Cosima’s lips with her own.

“Perfect.” The dreadlocked woman smiled after she pulled away from the kiss.  “Now, I think we should celebrate…”

“Oh?”  Delphine asked.  “And how do you think we should do that?” she teased the brunette.  Cosima looked up, taking in Delphine’s bare apartment for a moment before returning her gaze to Delphine.

“I think… it’s Friday night… and I also think… maybe… you _know_ what I think we should do…”  Cosima grinned impishly down at the blonde sitting in the chair.

Delphine rose from her seat and moved the shorter woman so that she was standing with the backs of her legs against the table, facing Delphine, who took her hands into her own.  She played with them for a moment.  Cosima spoke up when Delphine didn’t reply.

“You totally don’t have to!  I mean, I would only want to do anything that you were absolutely comfortable with, but-”

“Shhh, Cosima.  That is perfectly okay, and I am very eager to… but I haven’t done anything like that since… well, in a very long time.”

“Oh God, if I’ve stressed you out, I’m so sorry!  Shit, that was so insensitive of me-”

“ _Non,_ Cosima, that is not what I meant.  I’m not worried about having _sex_ with you.  No, I trust you _entirely,_ it’s just that I feel like… I wouldn’t know what to _do!_   I’m probably incredibly rusty…”

Cosima took Delphine’s face in her hands, laughing slightly, part of her relieved that Delphine was worried about something so trivial.  She leant her head forward and stood up on her tiptoes to reach Delphine’s ear.

“Let me take care of you, baby…”  Delphine felt a warm buzz flow through her whole body when she heard the endearment.  She shivered slightly and leant down to kiss the shorter woman who had returned to her normal height.  The brunette’s lips were a warm caress, like stepping into the sun from the grip of a cold shadow of a building, feeling the warmth spread through her body and warming her from her toes to the roots of her hair.  Cosima deepened the kiss, causing Delphine to want _more…_ She pushed herself into the bright heat – the _sun_ – that Cosima was.  _Her_ sun.  _Delphine’s_ sun.  Their bodies pressed flush together, Cosima remained ever gentle, caressing her softly, touching her teasingly, drawing Delphine out of herself as she had done earlier that day, coaxing the blonde into her own light, wanting to _share_ it with her.  The heat from each of their bodies was shared between the two, and Delphine began to tremble with an altogether _different_ kind of heat.

She gasped slightly, and pulled back from Cosima’s embrace, breathing for a moment and recovering slightly.  Cosima looked at her worriedly.

“Was that too fast?”

“Maybe a little bit…  I think I just need…to feel it all…bit by bit.  Not… all at once, if that makes any sense?”  Delphine saw understanding dawn in Cosima’s eyes, like the rising of a new sun in the morning.  Cosima nodded slowly and then pulled Delphine back towards her, almost in slow motion.  She didn’t kiss her again, instead just touching the Frenchwoman.  It was very light, at first.  Light touches, light strokes, light trailing of fingers.  Cosima started at the top of Delphine’s body.

She stroked Delphine’s left ear, using the index finger on her right-hand to trace the shapes of the cartilage under skin… she followed the helix’s crest and rose back up the antihelix, her cool fingers making Delphine shiver.  Her thumb rubbed over the spine of the helix and this led to her index finger trailing down to her jaw, her other hand now mirroring the action until they both came to join together at the mentalis.

The tenderness of the action was overwhelming.  She leant her head into Cosima’s open hand, rubbing her cheek against the palm like a cat bunting its owner, both leaving its own scent and picking up new ones from their master, learning where they have been… their history.

Slowly, with Delphine’s face in her hand, Cosima pulled the other woman closer but moved her own face so that her lips connected with Delphine’s neck.  She placed a few chaste kisses along its length and felt Delphine’s hands come to rest on her hips.  Ever so gently, she bit down on the prone flesh.  Delphine gasped but pulled her closer, their bodies once again pressed against each other.  Her neck moved for Cosima, leaving more space for the brunette’s tongue to sweep over skin and wet it, more space for her teeth to grab onto more of Delphine and _suck_ on the skin.

Cosima’s arms curled around Delphine, one hand on the back of her head clutching curls and the other at the small of her back, pulling their bodies closer.  Delphine’s fingers began to scratch Cosima through her clothes, causing her to lick, bite and suck all the harder and Delphine groaned and scratched again, creating a soft, sensual sequence that repeated for a long time before Delphine decided she was ready for more.

She considered taking Cosima to her bed, but then she had a better idea… an idea that meant more to them than the empty and cold feelings their beds had given them both for so long.

“Come to the sofa with me, ma bohème…”

Cosima moaned a little in acquiescence, and they made their way over to Delphine’s sectional sofa.  Before dropping down onto its soft cushions, Delphine nuzzled Cosima slightly, their noses touching and sharing such tenderness that both had missed for a very long time. 

Delphine reached down to the bottom of Cosima’s deep burgundy top that lay loose, the hem spilling over the printed jeans she wore.  Cosima understood what Delphine wanted, and guided up her hands that gripped the hem, until Delphine had gained enough courage to do it herself, Cosima making it easier by lifting her arms. 

Delphine audibly groaned when Cosima’s top half was revealed to her, which made Cosima giggle, only half embarrassed at the attention she was receiving.  She took Delphine’s hand once more and pulled it slowly up her stomach.  Delphine felt her smooth abs ripple under her hand and shuddered until she reached Cosima’s chest.  Cosima whispered to her.

“‘Th' expense of spirit in a waste of shame/Is lust in action, and till action, lust…’  Let me show you just how much action we can have tonight…”  Delphine smiled, heart beating faster.  She moved her hands around Cosima and undid her bra expertly.  The brunette let it drop to the floor and then looked hungrily at Delphine.  A fire ignited by the flames of the sun Cosima set alight inside her, Delphine shed her blouse and bra quickly, her breathing speeding up to match the pace of her heart.  Cosima pulled her close once again, and their lips met, breasts touching the skin of the other, the soft flesh puckering with mutual arousal.

Tenderness moved slowly to desperation as both women found themselves so close to something they desired so much.  Soft kisses were replaced with a harsher slamming of lips, small mewls of pleasure became groans of arousal, slow movements standing up became fast action lying on the sofa that was big enough for the both of them and then some.

Both of their jeans were abandoned by their owners as they found a need to get closer to each other, a need to have every inch of their bodies in full contact with the other; legs wrapped around legs, hands in hair and breasts in mouths.

Cosima sucked on the blonde’s right nipple until Delphine was arching her back in an attempt to force _more_ into the smaller woman’s mouth.  She moved to the other breast and gave it the same treatment, Delphine’s hands trying to force Cosima's head closer despite the impossibility.

“Cosima!  Please, I need more!”  Delphine’s cry echoed in Cosima’s ears.

Cosima laughed throatily but moved to satisfy the woman beneath her.  Her hands, which had been exploring Delphine’s body, came down to where her own breasts lay; the Frenchwoman’s thighs, which were trembling ever so slightly.

Cosima quickly rose, balancing on one hand, up to Delphine’s face, where she kissed her a little more, then trailed kisses like a shower of petals all down her body until she ended up in between her legs.  Delphine watched her move down her body, mesmerised by the grace with which she moved, almost prowling like she was searching for her prey.  But Delphine knew she wasn’t searching… oh no, Cosima knew _exactly_ what she was doing, proved by the fingers that gently slipped into-

“Ohh… _merde!_ ”  Delphine moaned as Cosima’s fingers moved expertly inside her.  A moment later, Cosima lowered her head and breathed in the heady scent of Delphine’s arousal, which was now covering her fingers and was beginning to flow _everywhere._ Her eyes fluttering in reaction to the smell, Cosima could resist no more, and joined her tongue in working with her fingers, slowly making circles around the nub that she knew would make Delphine moan twice as much as she was now when she finally hit it.  Timing it as well as one could with a woman moving her hips as erratically as Delphine was, she brought her tongue over Delphine’s clit in time with a particularly powerful thrust.  Delphine cried out, the sound music to Cosima’s ears.

They were both getting sweatier and sweatier but it served to create a smell that spurred Cosima on, caressing with her tongue, curling her fingers just so and making Delphine weep for the foreignness of the feelings that she was experiencing at that moment.  Cosima caught one of Delphine’s hands that were grasping at her dreads and held it.  Delphine squeezed her hand almost painfully, but Cosima ignored the pain, instead focussing on just how linked they were now that Delphine had raised her legs up and around Cosima’s body, her feet locked on the smaller woman’s ass.

Cosima added another finger, not stopping in her rhythm, and Delphine had managed to find the same rhythm and match it, until the blonde suddenly broke, her body shaking, cries ripping out of her throat. 

They slowly came to a stop.  Delphine was panting beneath Cosima who had joined Delphine once more by her head.  Delphine sniffed quietly, and Cosima could see tears running from her eyes.

“Oh, babe!  Did I hurt you?”  Cosima used a thumb to wipe the tears away that fell to the corners of her eyes as Delphine lay there.

“ _Non, ma chérie.  Bien sûr que non !  Il y a un poème…_ ‘ _Mes étoiles au ciel avaient un doux frou-frou / Et je les écoutais._ ’”

“Well, I don’t know what you just said, but it sure was beautiful.”

“Oh, sorry, _ma chérie._   I suppose I mean… I know what it is to listen properly…  I don’t really know what I mean, but I was reminded of that line just then.”

Neither woman got up from the sofa throughout that whole night.  Cosima held Delphine in her arms for a very long time, but sometimes they re-enacted the actions of before, Delphine learning a completely new skill, Cosima teaching it, but both of them exposed to a feeling that neither had felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard rude comments from some important people about Doctor Delphine Cormier and Cophine so I had to do something to put it right. Sort of passive aggressive, if you will. Naked, yes - but _not_ in bed.  
>  Who's with me?


	15. Yet Another Twist of the Knife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but with the timelines and the way everything worked out, I had to make this a non-clone AU. Soz.
> 
> I wanted to wait before posting but I was just too effing impatient.
> 
> Thank you so so so much for being so supportive and wonderful. You've made the whole experience of writing this story ten times more interesting and emotional. Thank you!
> 
> Love, 
> 
> HermioneSpencer

Delphine had been nervous to accept Cosima's invitation to dinner, if only because she knew that it was a _family_ dinner, and the host family didn't have much reason be at all friendly towards her.

She had been sent to ruin Cosima, after all.

Cosima had managed to convince her through promises of information that would answer all of her questions, straight from the mouths of the people who discovered it.

They were currently standing outside a modest house in the centre of town, on the pathway that led up to front door.  Cosima had her hands on Delphine’s arms and had stopped her to say something.

"They're going to give you a rough time of it, you're not an idiot and I won't lie to you.  But, all you have to do is eat the food they give you and let me defend your honour.  Deal?"

Delphine laughed nervously.

"Yes, I can do this.  I think." she tried to lighten the mood, but she simply didn't feel the humour she needed to carry the lightness through.  Cosima squeezed Delphine’s arms and kissed her cheek.  They walked the rest of the way to the door, but before they had a chance to knock on the glass pane, it opened.

The woman who stood in the doorway was older than Cosima yet no less beautiful.  Her deep brown, almost red hair fell around her shoulders and her face, despite having a distinct ability to smell bullshit, was softened by the gleam in her eyes when she saw Cosima.

"Cosima!  You're late, chicken.  What was it this time?  Burning toaster?  Or have you still not replaced your fourth one?"

Her Irish lilt was soft and seductive, very attractive, but Cosima didn't seem to notice it.  She hugged the woman tightly in greeting and responded.

"Nah, I've been grilling my toast for months.  It was actually just my own fault, today.  I got distracted... by deoxyribonucleic acid.  It’s fascinating stuff, truly."

Delphine laughed in her head.  The "distraction" Cosima referred to had in fact been the apex of Delphine’s legs, but the blonde wasn't about to point that out to anyone.

"Mrs. S, meet Delphine.  Delphine, this is Mrs. S.  She's pretty much my adoptive mother."  Mrs. S turned those sharp, intelligent eyes to her appraisingly, and Delphine felt like the older woman had read half of her unwritten autobiography in the few seconds she was silent.  It was very unsettling. 

Just when Delphine thought she should turn around and go back to her apartment before she burnt up into flames from the intense stare, the woman smiled reservedly at her.  Her whole demeanour changed.  She stretched out a hand and took Delphine's in it.

"Dr. Cormier.  I must say, it is good to meet the woman who has come up in conversation over my dinner table more times than Cosima has pushed those glasses up her nose."

Delphine laughed and it was made all the funnier by Cosima doing just that when the blonde glanced at her. 

"It is lovely to meet you, Mrs. S.  I am sorry that the circumstances couldn't be friendlier."

"Nonsense, dear.  You're on our side now, I hope."  Mrs. S's piercing eyes threatened Delphine but her smile remained as if she hadn't just stabbed Delphine with her words.

She invited them in, telling Cosima that everyone there was excited to see her.

The hallway gave a good view into the kitchen and living room, so Delphine could see a couple of other people who were standing and sitting throughout the two rooms, discussing things that Delphine couldn’t hear. 

When Cosima entered the house, however, everyone grew suddenly much more cheerful.  Delphine could see it in their eyes; they were all genuinely happy to see her.  They all came flooding into the living room to greet her, hug her, and kiss her cheeks.  Delphine noted all of them.

She recognised Kira, who was sitting on the sofa by the bay window, next to a woman with wild, bleached blonde hair and slightly puffy eyes.  They had been laughing together about something, but now Kira was hugging Cosima and the blonde woman was shifting from foot to foot as if she was nervous but smiling widely at her all the same.

There were two dark-haired people that stood to the side, already holding a glass of wine each.  They looked a little less cheerful, but their smiles still spoke volumes of their excitement.  The girl on the left was startlingly similar to Cosima but she appeared to be a little older.  She was the same height as the bespectacled woman but her face carried more darkness than Delphine had ever seen on Cosima’s.  The man to her side was a whole other story.  He hugged Cosima warmly, making her laugh with a half-snide, half-humorous joke, but he turned his gaze to Delphine immediately after.

Whilst everyone else had stayed to ask her questions or offer her drinks, this man turned his attention to Delphine, and the Frenchwoman felt the same feeling she had under Mrs. S’s watchful gaze, except this time, she felt even more judged. 

Mrs. S had closed the door and made her way through the hall, past the staircase and into the kitchen.  Cosima was currently in the middle of a penguin huddle that she couldn’t escape.  Delphine was left alone with the man who was approaching her.

“So.  You’re Delphine?”  His accent was British. 

“Yes, I am.”

He raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips, raising his wine glass to his lips and taking a sip.

“I suppose it all makes sense now.  I’m Cosima’s foster brother.  Felix.”  Delphine smiled nervously at him, hoping he would relent in his critical staring, taking in everything about her and looking like he was enjoying finding fault in every inch of her.

“Shit, sorry!  Delphine, this is Felix.  He’s an absolute dickhead, though, so ignore him.”  Cosima had managed to escape the turtle formation and gripped onto Delphine’s arm, dragging her into the living room from the hallway.  “The nicer people are in here.”  She turned back to Felix, shooting him a warning glance and Delphine could have sworn that she heard her whisper a plea of some sorts to him.

She was now standing in the living room, looking at the three people who had accosted Cosima.  The range of emotions was confusing.

“Everyone, this is Delphine.  Delphine, here we have Sarah who’s my older sister, Helena who is Sarah’s twin and my other older sister, and you already know Kira.”  Delphine waved stupidly at them.  Sarah stepped forward with a slight frown but reached out a hand to Delphine, which she shook.

Delphine didn’t have any idea of what to say.  She didn’t know these people well enough – apart from Kira, possibly.  As she thought of Kira she remembered how Kira had tricked her into thinking that a packet of biscuits had been a kind, innocent gesture, not a hook that foreshadowed the many others that followed.  Delphine didn’t know whether Kira’s current smile was fake or genuine.  Part of her didn’t want to know, because if she found that it wasn’t real then she would have only Cosima being nice to her here.

_Oh, why did I say yes?_

The last woman, the bleached blonde woman, was standing still, he head cocked to the side a little.  She wasn’t frowning like Sarah or smiling warmly like Kira.  She was simply looking.  Not appraisingly like Mrs. S, nor hostilely like Felix.  She was simply _studying_ , observing her movements like a naturalist watching the habits of a lone animal.  It didn’t make Delphine feel uncomfortable, simply aware of what her movements were.  Rubbing her neck, shifting from foot to foot, biting her lip.  Delphine realised that she was not only nervous, but _terrified_.

The blonde woman seemed to sense that too.  She eased forward, her face so very similar to Cosima’s, and reached out a hand to Delphine, but not for her to shake.  It went up to Delphine’s hair.  The Frenchwoman stood incredibly still, not wanting to offend the shorter woman, whose hands gently caught a few wisps of loose hair in between her fingers.  She smiled, and then spoke, her voice low and slow.

“I like your hairs…”

Delphine could only laugh in response.  She stuttered back after a moment.

“I like your hairs, too,”  Helena grinned at her. 

Nothing was making much sense right now.  Cosima had told her about her family a little bit before she came here, and Delphine was grateful for that now because she would never in a million years have pegged any of these people _related_ , but being able to put faces to the names was a relief if nothing else.

“Come, Sly Spy, I would like you to sit next to me tonight.”

Delphine grinned at Cosima, grateful that at least _someone_ here had taken a genuine liking to her, and was promptly pulled off to sit next to Helena on the sofa, Sarah and Felix moving to the kitchen with Cosima.

Kira sat on the other side of Delphine, and they began to talk among themselves, spurred on by Helena’s enthusiastic questioning.

“How did you get your hair?  What cheeses do you like?  Have you ever eaten the boiled eggs with jelly?”  Delphine answered every question with reverence, completely drawn in by the raw charm with woman had, the genuine interest she had in Delphine’s answers and the seemingly randomness of the questions.  They did not appear to be random to Helena, however, who seemed to have an intricate flow chart in her head and was following it according to the answers Delphine gave her.

Cosima appeared in front of her with a wine glass.  Delphine took it gratefully.  It was very good wine, which was a pleasant surprise.  Delphine hadn’t tasted good wine in a very long time indeed.  Cosima sat in an armchair opposite the sofa and joined in with Helena’s questions, laughing whenever Delphine was stumped for an answer.

“Uhm… I can’t remember!”  Delphine admitted to her audience.  Cosima looked at her incredulously.

“You can’t remember the last time you stood on a balcony?  You have one in your apartment!”

“I have never been onto it, though… uhm… it was possibly during my time in College but I don’t remember there being a _specific_ balcony that I could have stood on.  No, I’m sorry, Helena, I don’t remember!”  Cosima laughed at her as Helena continued questioning her.

“Never mind, there are more important places to remember standing.  Like, when was the last time you stood on the roof of a building?”  Delphine’s eyes snapped up to Helena’s.

_She couldn’t know…  It’s not possible…  Don’t be stupid, Delphine._

As she was about to respond with the shaky, half-truth answer of “Having a cigarette at work”, someone knocked on the door before she could even open her mouth.

“That must be Art!  Cosima, love, let him in will you?”  Mrs. S called from the kitchen where she was chatting with Sarah and Felix as she cooked what had to be their dinner that evening.

Cosima nodded and voiced her assent, rising to go to the door.

Delphine  was confused.  Cosima had told her about everyone who would be coming that evening, but she hadn’t mentioned anyone called Art. 

Murmured greetings came from the hall.  A deep laugh.  Footsteps into the living room.  She looked up curiously from the shiny black shoes and black trousers, past the blue shirt and suit jacket, past the collar and up the neck.

Delphine froze.  _“I don’t think Detective Arthur Bell would like to find out that you were perverting the course of justice all along, would he?”_   Leekie’s words rang through her head.  They felt like so long ago, but sounded as crisp and clear as if he had just spoken them.  _“To think, Danielle Four-”_

 _Don’t say her name, Delphine, don’t even_ think _it!_ She told herself, shaking from the fear that had suddenly consumed her body.  _Art…  “Art told us all that, and you should really listen to him…”_   Cosima’s voice rang through her ears now, from the conversation she had overheard on the roof garden.  Slowly, pieces of a bigger picture were beginning to fall into place.  Detective Bell’s rough voice pulled her back to the moment in hand.

“Delphine Cormier.  Long-time no see...  I was wondering if I’d ever see you again.”

Delphine rose slowly to her feet, reminding herself to breathe and not move too quickly, lest she fall into the panic that threatened to stop her functioning.

“Detective Bell…  I would be lying if I said I ever wondered the same thing.”  She was cautious, testing every word before she said it, desperate not to reveal anything.

“Delphine, Art here is the one with the information for you.  Well, him and Helena.  He wanted to speak with you, and this seemed the most convenient way.”

“Convenient?”  Delphine turned to Cosima who had just spoken.  Anger flooded through her.  _“Convenient?”_ she repeated, incredulity overtaking her manners.  “I need a moment, I think.”

Delphine pushed past Cosima and shied away from Detective Bell, hurrying out of the door and down the pathway, holding onto the gate at the bottom for support. 

Delphine had revealed the most dangerous part of her own history to the woman who was on first name basis with the Detective who had been assigned to that exact case.

Cosima had beguiled her into thinking it was a family dinner when actually it had been a trap to get her in the same room as the man who was convinced of her guilt, even though he couldn’t prove it.

And the worst thing was, she _was_ guilty, and Cosima knew the whole story… she could tell him the truth any time she wanted to – if she hadn’t already.  Delphine wanted to break something – she wanted to rip the gate out of the ground, she wanted to kick the metal out of place and she wanted to pull her own hair out.

Yet again she had put _herself_ into a position in which she was at the mercy of someone else; she had walked into this situation and _once again_ she dared not step a toe out of line, in case Cosima decided she wanted to tell a _particular_ detective about a _particular_ woman who was the _particular_ person of interest in a _particular_ case that she was  _directly fucking involved in!_

 _Danielle Fournier_.  More trouble fucking _dead_ than she _ever_ had been alive!

 


	16. Confirmation of Self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update, whoop! You lucky sods.

Delphine choked, horrified by the thought that her mind had created.

_Non, that is entirely unfair.  I’m sorry._

There was no one for Delphine to apologise to anymore – there hadn’t been for a long time now – but that didn’t stop her from doing it anyway.

She had directed her anger towards the one person who was most definitely _not_ at fault here.  _Cosima_ was at fault here.  Dirty, tricky, lying Cosima.

“Delphine?  Are you okay?”

The woman in question stepped out of the house and walked down the pathway to where Delphine fumed.

“Am I okay?  Really?”

“What?  Shit, what did I do wrong?  Are you angry that I didn’t tell you or something?”

“Cosima, don’t tell me you can’t see it.”

“What do you want me to see?”

“You’ve backed me into a corner, Cosima!  Surrounded by people who want to gut my insides and get me _inside!_   What can you possibly not see?”

“What?  _Get_ you?  Are you…  Wait are you talking about _Art_?  Shit Delphine, no!”  Up until this moment, she had maintained a respectful distance from Delphine, giving her the space that she clearly needed, but at that moment, she hurried forward so that she was standing just opposite her, close enough to touch without having to lean forward.  “Babe, that’s exactly the _opposite_ of why he’s here!  I spoke to him yesterday…  I’ve convinced him to hear what you have to say – but only if you _want_ to say it.  I haven’t told him anything.”

“Cosima, that man hounded me throughout the investigation, he trailed me for months on end, and I couldn’t even return to where Danielle was buried to say a proper goodbye without fear of someone following me!  I still haven’t gone back there.  He was _cruel_ to me, relentless, rude and frankly, _terrifying._ ”

Cosima hung her head, nodding.

“I’m sorry, Delphine.  That was really stupid of me and I should have told you before.  But… this is your chance to put things right, you know?  If you can – and if you want to.”

“Oh don’t be a _bitch_!  Of _course_ I want to put things right, but I _can’t_ , can I?  I can’t tell him _anything-_ ”

“Delphine, honestly, Art’s a good guy and I know for sure that he would be absolutely understanding of the circumstances.”

“Cosima, if I say anything at all, Leekie is drawn back into this, Ferdinand is brought back from the pit of shit he mires himself in, and there is a team of men they pay under the radar every month to say – if they ever need to – that I shot Danielle.  There is nothing Detective Bell can do when it comes to court and there is that level of evidence against me.  I am just one girl against a horde of men-”

“And you have survived a whole lot more than any of them ever could!  You’re strong, you’re brave and no matter what you think, you’re healing – yes, it may be very _slowly_ , but you’ve already proved it to me and everyone in that house by joining my side instead of running away back to Leekie, like all of them thought you would!  You are being so incredible right now, and I swear to you that _you_ will get _those_ two fuckers inside, not the other way around.”

Delphine was silent.  Hearing Cosima’s words made everything slightly worse. 

It was easier to think of Cosima as a different type of _Leekie_ , dangling freedom in front of her face but luring her into a cage so she couldn’t go anywhere.  It was easier to hate everyone and protect only herself than to have Cosima tell her that everything she had done was to give Delphine the autonomy that the Frenchwoman had so surely believed that she wanted up until that point.

It was harder… so much harder… to admit that a sandwich was just a sandwich and bought because Cosima thought she was hungry than to suspect it was laced with something.  It was so much harder to admit that Cosima was telling the truth than believe obstinately that she was lying.

But Delphine had been born anew, and it had been because of something about this woman in front of her.  And, if she was new, why couldn’t she be brave enough to do the harder thing once in a while?

Delphine relented.

“You said that Art has something he wants to tell _me…_   Do you know wat it is?”

Cosima nodded.

“He wanted to tell you how I knew you were a spy.  I thought it felt like he just wanted to rub it in your face, but he said that since you’re on our side now and all, it was only fair to tell you.  Give you the whole picture, I suppose.”

It was Delphine’s turn to nod.

“I will listen to him but I won’t commit to telling him anything just yet.  Please, let him know that I want to hear what he has to say.”

Cosima pulled her into a hug.  Delphine was stiff at first, but she sighed at how stupid she was being.  She was a suspicious person; her life had made her that person, but she didn’t want this to spread into her relationship with Cosima.  Whatever this relationship was.

“I’m sorry, Cosima.  You didn’t deserve my anger.”  Cosima kissed her deeply and Delphine returned it happily.  They broke apart, and Cosima’s eyes flicked to the door and back.  “Cosima?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Do any of them know…?  About… us?”  Cosima laughed whilst smiling, and stroked her face.

“This is the first time I’ve seen them for ages apart from Kira, and we did the deed two days ago.  No, hun, they don’t know about us.”  Part of Delphine was relieved and part of her wanted something else, even though she wasn’t sure what it was she wanted.

Detective Bell was polite and – dare Delphine say it – kind.

He had asked her whether she would like to talk in the living room or move somewhere private.  Still aware of Felix’s eyes scraping at her, she elected for somewhere private.  Mrs S let them head down to the basement and shut the door behind them. 

Detective Bell led the way, and soon they were standing facing each other, a distance of about three metres between them. 

“Would you like to sit?” he asked, indicating some fold-up chairs in the corner.  Delphine shook her head.

“ _Non, merci._   I would prefer to stand.”  He raised his eyebrows, which caused his whole forehead to travel with them. 

“Sure.  So, has Cosima told you what I want to talk to you about?”

“Yes.  About how she knew why I was at Topside.”

“Yes.  This is steeped in shit, and unfortunately, it leads all the way back to when we were last in each other’s presence.”

Delphine looked at him, worried.  “You mean when you were tailing me from my student halls to my biology lectures?” she asked, unable to keep the spitefulness from her voice.

“Hey, I was doing my job, alright?  But that’s not why I’m here, Dr Cormier.  I suppose I should start from the beginning of this mess.  Here, I’ll get you a chair just in case you feel like you’ll need one.”  He got one from the corner and unfolded it for her, leaving it near her.  He unfolded one for himself but didn’t sit either.  “As you know, I have never trusted Doctor Leekie.  He was hiding something, even if I don’t know what it is to this day.  The case was dropped, as you know.  Mlle Fournier was a French national and my department was denied permission for official international communication.  But I never stopped with Leekie.  There was _something_ about him that rubbed me up the wrong way.  I took part in some undercover, unsanctioned police work.  I devoted every free moment I had to this case, ultimately resulting in my divorce, let me tell you, but nothing ever came of it.  Leekie was clean and tidied up after himself.  I never found the dirt I needed.  I came close to thinking that I was going mad and that I really _had_ been seeing something where there was nothing, apart from one set of payments that went out once a month that was unaccounted for, to an anonymous account.  It was almost untraceable – the money, I mean.

“I made contact with a man who likes to go by the name of Dizzy.  He helped me to track down the owner of the man who was receiving this money.  We tracked him here… to Topside.  I became a sort of vigilante, working this personal vendetta against Leekie in my free time, juggling it with my real job, which was difficult seeing as I don’t belong in Toronto.  I got suspended, which in the end has become the gift I needed to sort this out.  I tailed the man Leekie was paying, trying to work out _who_ he was and _why_ Leekie was paying him.

“About a week in, I was accosted by a girl called Helena.  You were talking to her when I arrived.  She thought I was a rubbish spy, trying to harm her sister’s work.  With a knife to my throat, I had no choice but to tell her everything.  She worked remarkably quick.  She waited with me until the end of the day, when we stopped the man.  She tied us both up, got the answers she wanted out of the man we had followed, and then killed him, right in front of me.  Turns out the woman tied me up so I couldn’t stop her.

“That night, I now know that she went home and told everyone of what had gone on.  They brought me into their family circle, allowing me to stay with them to help cover up what happened to protect Helena.  Turns out, the poor git died of a heart attack on a private jet.  That’s the official story.  We had to get a replacement and quickly.  That’s where you come in, Dr Cormier.  Leekie, who had been anonymous in his involvement before, came forward with a solution.  You.

“I tried to convince Cosima not to do what she did, but she pointed out that if they secretly knew who the spy was, then Leekie wouldn’t need to send someone else – she could keep the problem _contained_.  I didn’t tell her about the cold case, because I had no proof and, if I’m honest, at this point I had fallen just as deeply as you had into shit I didn’t expect.  I didn’t want to add something else to her list of things you’ve done wrong. 

“Well, clearly she made the decision to tell you she knew what you were.  She called me yesterday, and I needed to tell you.  I was hoping that if I told you this, then you would tell me the truth about Mlle Fournier.  I don’t want to prove myself right or wrong, that’s not my problem anymore.  It used to be, when I was arrogant and thought myself bigger, but the past couple of years have humbled me, finding myself with no more family, suspended from duty and since a few months ago, party to a murder.  I dedicated years of my life trying to get justice for Mlle Fournier, but I never could. 

When you spend that long worrying over someone who only has a college ID photo to help our investigation, you rather grow close to them.  The Danielle that I knew may not be the Danielle that _you_ knew, but she has become, somehow, a large part of my life.  That may sound weird but I don’t really care.  I just want to know whether I was harassing you for no reason, or whether something _did_ happen that night.  It sounds selfish, but I need some closure.  Detectives are human too.”

Delphine didn’t know when she had taken the seat, but she found herself there anyway, trying in vain to stop tears falling from her face. 

She regarded Detective Bell through her blurry tears.  He sounded genuine, but she knew she couldn’t trust good acting.

“You are not the only one who needs closure, Detective.  Please bear in mind that I lost the girl I loved that night.  We had been strong friends since our first day at our secondary school all the way to that night…  It hurts, more than anyone can imagine, losing someone.  To go through that pain, and go over and over everything in your head, wondering what you could have done… obsessing over it, trying to work out the _one moment_ that was entirely responsible for your loss.  Was it that night?  Or was it even before that; the day I _met_ Leekie?  Or was she just fundamentally destined to-”

Delphine caught herself before she could say the word and incriminate herself.  She was being foolish, speaking without thinking.

“Dr Cormier, I am a detective above anything else.  I am trained to see things that are unusual or out of the ordinary.  I have been trained to see differences in patterns.  There is nothing linking you to Leekie other than that case.  He’s not paying you.  Dizzy is convinced of it.  That leads me to one conclusion; he has something on you, and he’s blackmailing you after all these years, into doing this job, because something happened that night.  I’m not a fool.  I know you were lying to me, but I know you wouldn’t ever kill your best friend.  I really don’t think you would have just let Leekie kill her either.  Please, for the sake of my sanity, tell me what happened.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“I don’t trust her.”

“Yeah, Felix, that’s obvious.”

“I don’t even like her.”

“Shut up, Felix.”

“She’s got something going on, you can see her planning it with those froggy eyes.”

“Felix!  Stop it or I swear I will box your ear off!”  Cosima rarely got angry.  Of course, she would _feel_ angry, but she didn’t often take it out on those around her.  But Felix was too judgemental for his own good, and it was beginning to piss Cosima off.

“Alright, jeez!  I’m sorry.”

Helena spoke up.

“I think she is nice.  I like her face more than yours, brother-sestra.”  She grinned like a child at her joke, Cosima joining in.  Felix reddened, lacking a comeback.  Sarah snorted along with her sisters.

“I dunno, Fe.  Obviously, we’re bound to be suspicious, but none of us here can say we’re blameless in anything.  Apart from my little Monkey because I expect her to be a model citizen.”  Sarah looked sideways at her daughter, the corner of her lips pulling up.

“I’m my mother’s daughter,” was all Kira had to say in response.  Mrs S hooted with laughter in the kitchen along with Cosima.

“That is most definitely _not_ what any of us want to hear!  If you’re doing _half_ of what your mother did… all we can do is pray for the safety of all of Toronto.”

A comfortable quiet set over the family as Mrs S moved about in the kitchen, the only sounds the domestic ones of the preparation of food.

“Seriously guys…  Delphine has dealt with some extreme shit.  She’s doing everything she can to move away from that, but that requires time and effort.  It isn’t easy for her, but I am grateful to her for trying.”

“Oh come on, Pussy Pants-”

“FELIX don’t you _dare_ use that language around your niece!”

“Sorry, Mrs S- Cosima, do you _really_ believe that she won’t take what she can and run the moment she gets her hands on it?  Whatever she has back home, it must be big enough to warrant her taking part in scientific espionage.”

“Well…  I would like to think that she would stay… out of her loyalty to me…”  Cosima said, staring into her wine glass.

“Hang on…”  Felix leant forward, taking in what he could of Cosima’s face, which had turned a deep shade of red.  “Cos _i_ ma!  You’ve _shagged_ her, haven’t you?”  he looked at her, mouth agape.

“Okay, it was _way_ more than just that, Felix, but… yeah.  Sorta.”

Everyone in the living room was paying very close attention to every word that was being said.  Sarah put down her glass, Helena stopped fiddling with a bean she had stolen from the kitchen, Kira had made herself smaller, as if to escape notice, hoping that they would continue talking about it in front of her, Mrs S had somehow heard and she stopped stirring the pot.  Cosima was positive that if Alison had been able to make it tonight, she would have whispered “Jesus Murphy!” under her breath with a hand to her lips.

“Cosima!  That girl is undeniably straight and she was _using_ you to get here, don’t you _see_ that?  She’s probably stolen files off your computer already.”

“Okay, first of all, Felix, that is _so_ rude.  Secondly, she hasn’t even been to my flat and my computer is full of the fake shit Scott made me create.  Thirdly, she was in love with her best friend for over ten years and the moment they finally sorted it out and kissed, she died ten minutes later.  Fourthly, how many _fucking_ times are you going to judge the women I bring home as straight even though there is _no fucking way to tell?”_

Felix took the abuse, not saying a word throughout the whole of Cosima’s jobation.  He looked sheepish by the end of it, and this time, his apology sounded fully genuine.

“Shit, her girlfriend died?”  Sarah asked.  When Cosima nodded, Sarah took a swig of her drink.

“Alright, my lovelies, dinner’s ready.  There are a lot of us, though, so it’s a buffet deal.  Come and get what you want!”

Cosima asked Mrs S if she could go and let Art and Delphine know.

“I think they’ll smell it soon enough and hear us eat, but right now, I think what they’re discussing is more important than some bean stew.”

Cosima nodded, unsure, but grabbed some food and started eating anyway.

It wasn’t long before Delphine and Art returned from the basement.  Clearly, they had both had an emotional time of it, as both had puffy eyes.  Cosima hadn’t ever seen Art cry, and this was as close as she had ever come.

Delphine ate ravenously, thanking Mrs S profusely for the food and proclaiming how delicious it was, starting up a chorus of similar cries from everyone else there.  They were all spread out through the kitchen and living room, being tight for space at the table alone.  Helena had, for some reason, taken such a liking to Delphine that she had saved a space for “Sister-Kisser” to sit down next to her when she returned.  Delphine had happily taken it.

Helena was delighted and started a new discussion about the types of food that Delphine liked.

It grew very specific, Helena asking about the exact type of bean Delphine liked in a stir-fry.

Everyone talked amongst themselves apart from Cosima, who watched the interaction between Delphine and her sister.  It was mesmerising and hilarious at the same time.

The dinner went very quickly after that and little else of note happened, other than Felix spilling a fleck of stew over his jumper, which devastated him but simply made everyone else laugh.

Once they had all eaten their fill, Felix asked to speak with Delphine for a moment.  Cosima could see she was terrified, but she followed him all the same.

During their absence, she asked Helena a question.

“How come you’ve taken to her so well?  I’m gonna be honest, I thought it was you that we were gonna have to hold back, not Felix.”

“I know what it is like to be at the mercy of a man, sestra.  Sister-Kisser is a strong woman.  I respect this.  And she is a good chef.”

“How can you possibly know that?”  Cosima laughed.

“She is good with her hands.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“You know what?  I’m glad I said yes to tonight.”

“You are?  Damn, that makes me really happy.  Was everything okay with Art?  What happened down there?  It looked like it took a lot out of the both of you.”

“Art knows the whole thing now.  He has also made it clear that he has no intention of putting me behind bars, either.  He just wants Leekie.  And I’m perfectly okay with that.  I’ve agreed to help him in any way I can.”

“I’m incredibly proud of you, Delphine.”

“ _Merci, ma chérie._ But now, I think, it is time for me to go to bed.  It has been a long day.”

“Wait, you haven’t told me about Felix!  What was _that_ all about?”

“ _Non,_ I cannot say.  He made me promise to keep it quiet.  Otherwise, he’ll never hear the end of it from you.  And I think he is right.”  Delphine winked at Cosima, rising from the sofa in her apartment.  When Cosima didn’t rise with her, Delphine took her hand and pulled her up.

“Did you think I intend to sleep alone, tonight?”

“Oh man, you can’t _say_ things like that!  How am I meant to sleep _now?_ ”  Cosima nearly whined as she said it.

Delphine laughed at kissed Cosima.

“Whenever did I say _sleep, ma colombe_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack, ack, ack  
> My brain keeps whispering to me...  
> *Season 4...Season 4...Season 4...*


	17. The Sum of Five and Five is Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: another vaguely ruuuude chapter**
> 
>  
> 
> Look at this, another chapter!  
> I spent hours trying to figure out my timeline here. My handwriting is oft illegible, so I had to re-read my own work again (not something I wish to repeat) to find out where I had originally placed this flashback...  
> It also gave me the name for this chapter (#quoting my own work) so if you can remember the reference... props to you. :P  
> I hope you enjoy this update!

_Cosima sighed deeply.  She was doing that a lot, these days.  It just seemed to be that despite having the upper hand, nothing was really going her way.  She couldn’t sleep, she hardly ate, her body was wasting away, and there was nothing she could do about it.  Oh, and a nosy, blonde woman who couldn’t spy subtly for her life was snooping around and annoying her._

_She’d been there for about a week now._

_Granted, the woman was far from stupid.  On the very first day at Topside, Cosima had had just a glimpse into the brain of the woman who had come to steal her life’s work.  And her life, when she thought about it gloomily.  Everything she_ was _and everything she would ever be was dedicated to curing this disease.  Cosima had doubted that the work had genuinely been Delphine’s.  She had believed wholeheartedly that Leekie had scribbled up some of his own work and passed it on to her._

_She had believed it, that is, until about four days in._

_She shook her head and returned it to the matter at hand._

Biology!  Think of Biology!  Not how soft her curls are… not of how she bites her lip, like, 90% of the time…  Think of Biology!  Biology…  Don’t think of her…biology…and how beautiful it is…Don't think of her lips...on mine...

_Cosima groaned and put her head in her hands._

_It was happening again.  She was falling for someone who would only end up breaking her heart, as Shay continued to do.  Why had she thought that bringing Delphine in would be a good idea?  Why not just stick with the people she had and leave everyone else out of it?  Why did everything have to be so_ hard _, and_ confusing, _and why, oh why, did the spy have to be so_ fucking beautiful?

_Her office door opened and in walked Scott._

_“Morning, Scotty.”_

_He looked at her, a steaming coffee in his left hand and bag in his right, and raised an eyebrow._

_“Did you go home_ at all _last night, Cosima?”  He moved to his computer and set it running, but never took his eyes off her._

_“Of course I went home, silly.”_

_“Cosima, look at you!  You’re wearing the same shit as yesterday and you look like you stayed up all night watching Rocky Horror.  Your eyes are wide and bemused.”_

_Cosima sighed, once_ again.

_“Okay, so I stayed over again, why does it matter.”_

_“Don’t be an ass, Cosima.  You know full well why, and you can’t pretend it isn’t happening.  Too many people care about you, for you to just_ give up _and stop trying.”_

_“Shut up,” she whined half-heartedly but found the sentence – and the argument – was going nowhere.  She dropped it._

_Scott was already working, his hands flying between the mouse and the keyboard.  She watched him as she opened up a file and read through it.  She watched as his brows creased and his eyes grew more worried._

_“What’s up?  Someone hack your computer and replace every file with porn?” she joked, but she could see that he didn’t appreciate the joke._

_“Cosima… you need to see this.”_

_“What is it?  Our stem cell line?  Or_ shit, _have we lost another volunteer?”_

_“No, it’s worse than that.”_

_“Seriously?”_

_“Just- get over here, please?”_

_The dreadlocked brunette rose from her desk and trudged to Scott’s side, looking over his shoulder at the screen._

_“Holy shit…”_

_Cosima took in everything she saw on the screen.  Detailed, intricate –_ beautiful – _formulae, ideas, and notes, all laid out meticulously, easy to follow and understand._

_“What time was this?  Surely not this morning, there hasn’t been time.”_

_Scott checked the details._

_“Looks like it was done at three o’clock.”_

_At three o’clock that morning, Cosima had been throwing a tennis ball against the wall, bored out of her mind._

_“Shit!  Seriously, she’s going too fast for us to keep up with her.”  Cosima hurried to her desk and returned to Scott’s computer, noting down the pertinent but leaving out the stuff she had already tried.  “I’m beginning to wonder why Leekie needs to_ steal _formulas when he’s got Little Miss Superstar catching up with us at a rate of knots.  She could easily lead a larger team of scientists than ours and hold her own.  How does she even_ know _this stuff?  She’s working on theory alone!”_

 _“Maybe Art was wrong.  Maybe she_ is _just a woman… just a recommendation from Leekie.  Maybe we have the wrong person.  What if she’s a decoy and someone else is doing the_ real _spying?”_

 _“Oh,_ Scott! _Don’t mess with my head like that!  Just… stick with the plan, alright?  You know what to do.”_

_Having noted down everything she needed, she squeezed Scott’s shoulder and told herself not to be so irritable around him.  It wasn’t his fault she hadn’t slept, and he didn’t deserve her ire._

Come on, Cos.  Keep your fricking sang-froid, dude.  Don’t let the hot clever blonde chick steal your cool.

_She moved to the sofa she had attempted to sleep on last night; an endeavour that had been, unfortunately (and yet not surprisingly), unsuccessful.  She looked at the notes in her hand.  Delphine was speeding past Cosima faster than she could say “red shift” and she didn’t like it one bit._

_She was grateful for the tech that Cal had helped her install.  The system that connected the computer in Delphine’s Comms. Room to her work computer fed directly to her and Scott’s too.  Every day they had been coming in early and reading what she’d thought up the evening – or, in this case, that morning.  And every day, Scott had diligently altered everything, changes little enough to avoid attracting any attention, but large enough to warp everything she had thought up beyond recognition, so much so that everything was turned into gibberish.  By the time Scott finished every day, her work was worthless once more and made as much sense as stating that an elephant could climb a tree._

_Cosima didn’t like it one bit, but she did what she had to in order to survive._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Delphine woke slowly and peacefully, the sun shining in through her window and into her large bedroom.  She remained lying down and breathed in deeply.  There was a strong scent of sex and sweat mixed with sweet perfume.  Smiling, Delphine looked at the woman who was still sleeping next to her, naked chest just showing above the messy sheets.  The blonde leaned over and kissed Cosima on her temple, lingering and letting her nose pick up the subtler scents that were softer than their mixed desire covering various parts of their bodies.  There were traces of grapefruit and sandalwood from her Pamplelune fragrance that Delphine had come to love in such a short amount of time.  The perfume was very faint, but the night’s activities had rubbed it off onto Delphine’s hands.  It was such an intense feeling, to have a co-ownership of your lover’s scent.

Beneath her, Cosima slowly woke, gently persuaded by Delphine's attentions.  Delphine watched as the brunette’s eyes slowly opened and focused on the woman who was kissing her.  She smiled when she registered where she was and who she was with.

“Hey, baby… good morning…” she beamed up at Delphine, who slowly eased back the sheets to reveal Cosima’s smooth, supple body, which Delphine quickly moved to straddle on top of.

“ _Bon matin ma belle reine…_ ” Delphine whispered into Cosima’s ear as she leant down to kiss her neck, which was lying prone to the Frenchwoman’s mouth.  Sighing, Cosima breathed deeply, allowing Delphine to kiss and suck at her skin, leaving marks of ownership when she was done.  “ _Tu es belle_ ” she murmured into Cosima’s throat and the woman beneath her groaned, arching her back into Delphine.  She adjusted her position on top of the woman so that their bodies were pressed into each other, their heat keeping them both warm.

They kissed for some time, and Delphine’s hands roamed up and down Cosima’s body possessively, demanding to be felt as she stroked and sometimes scratched, making Cosima moan and shiver.

Delphine had just lifted up Cosima’s hand to link it with her own, admiring the whorls on the pads of her fingers, when she heard a phone ringing.  She stopped and let out an annoyed groan.  Cosima laughed.

“I think you’d better answer that.  They called _all night_ …  Whoever it is, it sounds like they really want to talk to you.”

“I know exactly who it is, and his importunacy is merely rancourous… he always hated it when I didn’t give him the attention he craved.  Leekie is… merely a very old child.”

“I love it when you speak better English than I do.”  The phone stopped ringing and Cosima stroked Delphine’s messy curls reverently and laughed when the phone started _again._   “Go, my French cocker-spaniel.  Answer the phone and shut that bastard up – for today, at least.”

Delphine pouted jestingly.  She kissed the valley between Cosima’s breasts before she got up to get the phone.

Phone in hand, she fell back onto the bed and rang Leekie back.  With her free hand, she traced unintelligible shapes onto Cosima’s naked skin, which caused goose bumps to form as her finger tickled the brunette’s skin.

Leekie picked up after just one ring.

_“Delphine.  Where have you been?”_

Delphine spoke in a low voice, sensuous and soft at the same time.  One of Cosima’s breasts was visible from Delphine’s point of view, which was with her head on the mattress lying next to the brunette, and she let the woman’s slow breathing affect her own.

“I am sorry, Aldous...  I went to the dinner last night and Cosima came back to my apartment with me last night… she wanted me… sexually…”  Cosima laughed silently, her stomach saltated with the clenching of her muscles, making Delphine’s fingers jump with its movement.  “I thought it would be rude to call the man I am going to betray before she ravaged me.”  Delphine wasn’t sure where this intrepidity was coming from, but she surmised that it was probably something to do with Cosima being in _her_ bed.  “I’ve only just managed to get rid of her.  She’s very… touchy feely.”  Cosima laughed again and swatted at Delphine’s arm.

_“I see.  I trust the dinner was profitable?”_

“Yes.  The whole family believes my story and they think that I’m going to betray you.”

 _“And_ are _you?”_

“Are you serious, Leekie?  I’d be a fool.  I know exactly who you have ready to testify.  You mustn’t worry.  She may be in love, Leekie, but I most certainly am _not._   Her lovemaking is… unobjectionable, at best.”  Cosima shot up at her side hearing this.  Her eyes developed a dangerous tenebrity in their depths that made Delphine give an involuntary shudder.  She tried to carry on, but Cosima pounced on her with an easy fluidity, and before Delphine knew what was happening, the dreadlocked woman had her mouth on the blonde’s breasts, tongue licking and flicking, forcing Delphine to have to move the phone away from her and stuff it under Cosima’s now vacant pillow to hide her gasp.

_“Delphine?”_

“Oui, sorry, I am here.  What did you say?”

_“I was asking about how they knew about you.”_

“Oh!”  The cry was half understanding of his comment and half a gasp as Cosima gently bit down on her nipple.  She turned it into a small laugh.  “Yes, it’s Cosima’s sister Helena.  They are all biological sisters but there were so many of them that nobody would take them altogether.  They were separated from a very young age.  Helena was taken to some people called Proletheans.  Religious fanatics.  Um- rough- childhood.”  Delphine forced out the last sentence and could take it no longer.  She wrapped her legs around Cosima’s midriff and attempted to create some friction that would make her feel better, but Cosima denied her this, her comment clearly still making her determined to prove Delphine wrong.  Her head travelled down, hands stroking Delphine’s sides and back.  She stifled a cry of intense athirst for Cosima and her sybaritic body and reminded herself that Leekie was on the other end of the line.

“She was brought up to hunt.  People.  When the sisters reunited years later, Helena was a different person altogether- but not- in reality, worse… _merde_ , um, she can track people from miles away-” Cosima bit down on her thigh. “And apparently she can _see_ people _come_ too.  She saw me coming before I even got there.”  Cosima laughed again, silently, and started moving her fingers from Delphine’s breasts down to her legs.  “She was the one who killed the man before me.”

_“Oh, so you’ve discovered that?  I see.”_

“Yes.  I’m not sure how, but it was covered up.  That is where I came in, but you know all of this.”

 _“Mhm.  And what about the_ science _?  How are you coming along?”_

“Leekie, it’s what-” she pulled the phone away from her ear and the screen lit up, “11:00 and I’ve only just got rid of my boss from my apartment.  I haven’t been more involved in the science- _fuck-_ sorry, I stubbed my toe- than I was on Friday.  Trust me when I say that I will tell you as soon as something happens.” Cosima’s nose was pressed against her between her legs and Delphine was finding it impossible to hide the sounds she was making or keep her breathing even.

_“Do.  Now about Marion-”_

“Oh, what the _fuck_ do you want to say about that idiot?  _Hurry up and do it!_ ”  She put a hand behind Cosima’s head and pulled it in as close as she could, but Cosima wouldn’t open her mouth and use that god-forsaken _tongue!_   At this rate, she was going to have to resort to humping the bastard’s face.

_“Do what, Delphine?”_

“I didn’t mean that, I meant ' _say_  it', sorry.  What about Marion?”

_“You’re acting very strange, Delphine…  What’s going on?”_

“ _Nothing!_   I’m just sensitive, that’s all.  I haven’t…  I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but I haven’t had sex in a long time.  My body is in shock, that is all.  It needs some kind treatment today.”  She was going to mash her pussy against her if she didn’t get that _fucking_ tongue out _now!_

_“Say no more.  And yes, about Marion; seeing as Cosima is aware of our intentions, Marion will no longer be a useful asset in this endeavour.  She is returning today.  No pleasantries or goodbyes.  I thought you would appreciate the knowledge.”_

“Leekie, as long as you haven’t murdered her I don’t care what the fuck you do with her.  _Oh for fuck’s sake_ I have to go, Leekie.  I won’t call you tonight; I expect I shall be busy.”  Delphine didn’t wait for a reply; she hung up the phone and practically threw it halfway across the bedroom.  Then, with a strength borne of desperation, she managed to manoeuvre the smaller woman quickly enough that she didn’t have time to respond.  She was now lying on her back and Delphine was hovering just above her _mouth_. Delphine held the headboard with one hand and Cosima’s hair with the other.

“Fucking _lick it!_ ” she practically spat at the brunette.

“Take _unobjectionable_ back!”

“You’d better _prove_ you’re that good.  Third time lucky, right?”

“ _Third?_   More like _tenth!_ Oh, you _bitch_ I’m gonna make you come like you’ve _never_ come before!”

“That is _not_ a problem, Cosima.  The problem is how long you’re taking in _doing_ that, so _hurry up!_ ”

Cosima laughed, and Delphine lowered herself onto her face.

As Cosima made that morning the best one she had ever had, Delphine realised that Cosima had already done what she just threatened.

She was gentle and forceful, she was soft and firm; she was slow and fast; she was both giving and teasing.  Delphine had had a lot taken from her throughout her life, but if there was one thing she had never before felt so sad about missing out on, it was more time with Cosima, and she would do everything in her power to stay here with her.  No threat was big enough to scare her into betraying this gorgeous woman who had gone against her better judgement to open her arms – and legs – wide to Delphine - because the threat that she would lose Cosima seemed to hurt her far worse than anything else.

She originally thought she would burn down Topside if she had to in order to escape Leekie, but her allegiance had changed now… she would burn _herself_ down if it protected Cosima from him, and she promised herself that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has commented and given me that kudos jazz and just read this darned thing. I love you all and I'm feeling quite emotional because it's 1:00 in the morning and it's been one of those crazy days. Your words of encouragement and praise continue to astound me (and baffle me; I never thought it would go down like this) and I love all of you fantastic people. Because you're worth it. ;)
> 
> If you are new here, I would like to thank you for your dedication to my writing and reading it all without the usual break to make it easier. I joined the OB fanfic fandom in January this year despite having loved the show for some time prior, so there are a _lot_ of stories I have stormed through and it is a Herculean task, so kudos to _you_ my friend. Also, Welcome to _Abrasion._ More plot twists are on their way. They're just around the corner, waiting to pounce on your already marginally confuzzled brains.
> 
> Love,
> 
> HermioneSpencer


	18. 'The Fool Doth Think He is Wise, But the Wise Man Knows Himself to be a Fool'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

“How are you feeling?”

“Absolutely terrified, _ma chérie_. My hands are freezing and shaking.”

“Do you wanna know why that is?”

“Why my hands are freezing?”

“Yeah,” Cosima took the aforementioned hands into her own squeezed them, rubbing them to warm them up. The brunette guessed that Delphine already knew what she was going to say, being just as smart – if not smarter – than the brunette, but she was able to calm the blonde with the soothing tones of her voice anyway. “When a mammal is faced with an attack or a threat to their survival, the brain takes in these signals, working them out. The amygdalae in the brain – two almond-shaped clusters of nuclei in the temporal lobes – trigger a response in the hypothalamus.” Cosima brought the slowly warming hands up to her mouth, kissing every knuckle with close attention. “From there, all sorts of wacky things happen… CRH, the corticotropin itself following, epinephrine, cortisol, adrenaline, and blood pressure and blood sugar go up. All of these things come together to create a number of physical effects, including shaking of the hands.” Cosima smiled gently when Delphine moved those hands to cup her face. “But there is one other reaction. The fight-or-flight response. The blood that was originally in your hands has travelled all the way to your _feet_ to make it easier to run away.”

“But I don’t _want_ to run away from this, Cosima.”

“I know, babe. So, here’s what you do; you use your now super warm feet and run _towards_ the danger, facing it head on. Use that momentum to jump over this hurdle, instead of leaving it until you have to face it when you’ve lost that propulsion. I’m going to be right next to you the _whole_ time, okay?”

Delphine nodded, eyes closed. When she opened then again, her lips were against Cosima’s in a soft embrace that communicated both of their emotions more than words could have done.

Delphine cleared her throat when they parted, and together they headed into Delphine’s team’s lab. Everyone was gathered there, as Scott had arranged for Cosima. Delphine had told her what she wanted to do, and Cosima had called Scott, as they got ready to go in for a late day of work. He had passed on the message to Delphine’s team, and she was grateful that they had all stayed despite lunch being not far away… their boss hadn’t turned up to work today, they hadn’t needed to.

They looked at her and Cosima with concern as they entered, but nobody looked at her angrily or with disgust. Delphine was slightly confused at that. She supposed that if they had been acting so well the whole time she was working here, there was no reason why they couldn’t still be keeping their façades up.

She greeted them all, unsure of how to act around them, as she walked to the table they were gathered at, gripping onto Cosima’s hand desperately the whole time. Not knowing what to say, Cosima spoke up for her.

“Hey guys, thanks for staying. Dr Cormier needed some help this morning with business outside of work, so I helped her. We both have something important to tell you all. I’ll… let Delphine go first.”

They sat down on two free chairs, facing the others. Isaac, Heidi, Colin, and Eric.

Biting her lip, Delphine took a deep breath and began. _All… or nothing at all._

“Just over a month ago, I was working night shifts at a hospital in the north of Ontario. I had gained the job through a man that I knew… called Dr Aldous Leekie. He… he helped me through college and got me many jobs, in return for keeping silent… about the murder of my best friend, that I was both a party and a witness to. He kept me on his leash by threatening to testify – along with a number of other men – that _I_ killed her if I ever told anyone what happened. He left me alone for the majority of the years after, but every once in a while, I would get a subtle warning sent my way, just to remind me of the agreement we came to. Patients he had looked after referred to my hospital, his name popping up on patient histories, men looking like him sent to follow me home some nights. He forced me to remember that any moment, he could come back into my life.

“That night, I had just finished my night shift and when I got home, he was waiting there for me. He had chosen that night because he knew I would be exhausted from my long week and more amenable to listening to him. Less likely to be able to fight him away.

“He told me that he needed me to take a job with a company called Topside. He had a plan which fell through but I could push it forward. I was to work here, and when they found a cure, hand it over to Leekie. I would be paid, and he promised to leave me alone for the rest of my life if I delivered. I accepted.

“Up until Friday last week, I have been sending detailed work of everything we have been doing here. He has been simulating the tests, copying us and doing everything the same in his own lab at DYAD, with his team of scientists that work there. I was told that as soon as a cure was found, to take _everything_ , and destroy the progress that we made here.

“I was foolish, because no matter how cleverly would have done it, someone would have been able to prove I did _something_ wrong. I didn’t think about it at the time, though. I was too desperate to escape from his grip.

“Last Friday, it was revealed to me that Cosima knew who and what I was. She has provided me with a better alternative. I am no longer working for Leekie, but continue to act as if I do; I give him fake updates and send him dud information. 

“I wanted to apologise to you all because I learnt very recently that each of you have a very close link with this illness.” Cosima looked at her, confused, but Delphine ignored it.

“I had been entirely unaware of it, but when I learnt of it, that was when I realised that this whole process was about more than just me. You have personally experienced the damage that this illness has caused, and I came very close to halting any chances we had at giving you the chance to put things right. I am so very, _very_ sorry, and I can only hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.”

Everyone was silent for a moment, simply looking at Delphine. Every pair of eyes was on her, and she felt incredibly self-conscious.

“Delphine isn’t the only one who has to apologise. I also have amends to make.” Cosima shifted in her seat, but she looked everyone in the eye, as opposed to Delphine who had looked mostly at the table while she spoke. “When I learnt that there would be a spy coming to Topside, I put together a team that I was certain would work well, and would play a part in trying to guilt trip the spy into stopping what they were doing. I didn’t know that she already knew your stories, but now I know that she does, it clearly worked. I am really grateful to you all for coming here and working to eradicate this disease; your work has been incredible. But I have not been entirely honest. I had to create a team that would be as genuine as it could be. A spy was coming; I didn’t know how able they would be or how much they knew beforehand, so it was important that you knew just as much as they did. I have been holding back valuable science from this sub-team because it was the only way to ensure that Delphine didn’t have access to the proper science that we were working on. But, I trust all of you now, and I will, from this moment on, share the science with you; the _whole_ science, and nothing _but_ the science. I am sorry that I used you all as a method of protecting of my work, but I think you all understand how desperate the need is to cure Follicular Lymphoma, and I’m not going to let a corporation steal everything that I have worked towards.”

By now, everyone was baffled, but no one said anything.

Cosima asked them if they had any questions.

No one raised a hand. No one spoke. This went on for a _long_ time, or so Delphine thought - until Heidi spoke up.

“When do we get to see the real science, then?” she asked and folded her arms over her chest.

“Now! Yeah, I have my own team ready to take you through everything, showing you it all. If you come with me, you can get started right away.” Cosima answered, indicating to the door.

A beat passed, and suddenly everyone got up, a frosty silence hanging over them. They waited for Cosima to nod her head, and she led everyone down the hallway into Cosima’s team’s lab. 

Delphine was with them, but she hung back, not wanting to force her company upon them in case they didn’t want it. The door opened for them, allowing them entry into the very large room. Rooms that, mere days ago, she had only _dreamed_ of breaking into in the dead of night and, from it, getting valuable information. 

The labs here were spacious and bright, slightly lighter than Delphine’s but far less intimate.

They were led to a cluster of scientists whom Delphine recognised as members of Cosima’s team. Cosima handed them over, and Delphine moved to follow them to the front of the room like a bunch of schoolchildren being given a tour, but Cosima pulled her away, leading her through a heavy door and into a room full of papers.

Cosima led her over to some charts that were pinned to a board.

“Take a look at these figures,” she told Delphine, and the blonde did as she was told.

She didn’t need to be told what she was looking at. The graphs and numbers spoke for themselves.

 _“Merde…_ It really is true then? You’re so close to a cure?”

“At this rate, we’re painfully close. But have a look at this one in particular.” Cosima pointed to a graph near the edge of the cluster of papers.

Delphine leaned in to get a closer look.

“ _Mon Dieu…_ Cosima… This woman! She is in remission! Cosima, that is amazing!” She laughed heartily and beamed at the shorter woman, pulling her in for a hug. Delphine didn’t know who this woman was or how long she had been sick, but she was delighted, and it showed. Cosima slowly pulled away, her face fallen and her mouth skewed as if she was chewing her lip on the inside.

“I- I uhm… I have a confession to make, Delphine, and it’s about the illness and the cure and stuff.”

Delphine’s smile froze.

“Cosima? You’re worrying me.”

“I don’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry. I’m just… I have a problem… and I’m slightly ashamed...”

“What is wrong, _ma chérie?_ What could you have done to be ashamed of?” Delphine stroked Cosima’s cheek with her thumb, the rest of her hand resting on her jaw and neck.

Cosima took a deep breath and then plunged right in, not stopping until she was done.

“Delphine, the technology that connects the computer in your apartment to the computer in your office is also connected to my computer, and to protect my research I have had to destroy everything you came up with every night and change it so that you couldn’t work on any ideas any more and I’m _really_ sorry and I also may not have _destroyed_ it all and what you’re looking at right now is actually the result of your idea for a stem cell treatment that has proven effective and for the first time one woman has shown signs of the symptoms relenting and she is going into remission and I thought that I should tell you as soon as possible because it would be _so_ unfair of me if I didn’t.”

She gasped when she had thrown every word out of her mouth, a splurge of information and revelation, breathing in the ever-necessary air. She wasn’t looking at Delphine; instead, she stared at the charts for the woman named Aryanna Giordano. She stood still, waiting for the anger that was bound to come. The taller woman at her side was silent for a long while, but Cosima couldn’t face her. Delphine’s voice started up shakily.

“Are you saying that I… inspired this?”

“No, you _made_ this… Del, you’ve _found it_. The cure, I mean. Well, it’s _totally_ rudimentary and it’s not a _cure_ , but you have chopped off at least half a year’s more work, and I don’t know how you did it but you did. I combined your work with what we had, and the “new perspective” bullshit actually _worked!_ Clearly our parameters had been entirely off the mark. But Del… I am _so sorry_ that I stole your work. It’s illegal and terrible and I am _so_ ashamed.” 

More silence. The tension between them was so thick that Cosima could have chopped it with a knife from between them and spread it on her grilled toast.

“I… I’m sorry, I- I can’t be here right now.” And with that, Delphine turned on her heels and ran out of the room. Cosima had glimpsed tears, but she was too ashamed to run after her. She wouldn’t want to be near her anyway. Cosima groaned and leant her head against the cool wall, wondering why she hadn’t brought this up sooner, being honest from the get-go.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Cosima climbed that last of the stairs and stood there for a moment, panting. Recovered, she pulled open the heavy door and walked out onto the roof garden. She remembered Delphine’s answer to Helena about having a cigarette on the patio up here, and it was the last place she had to look. Lunch was over, and Delphine still hadn’t returned. 

To Cosima’s relief, Delphine was standing by the miniature parterre at the edge of the patio. She had a cigarette in her hand, but at her boots, there was a row of neatly lined up cigarette stubs. Eight, to be exact. 

“Delphine…?” Cosima called out softly, not wanting to startle the Frenchwoman.

The woman spun around and took in Cosima as she approached. Cosima could see the redness around her eyes and the ever so slightly smudged makeup. As she approached, Delphin didn’t tell her to stop or move away herself, so the brunette continued, but slowly.

Soon enough, they were standing side by side, looking at the symmetrical shapes of the shrubbery and plants. Delphine took a particularly deep drag of her cigarette and let it out through her nose. For some reason, it knocked all of the air out of Cosima, but she managed to stay standing upright. Delphine spoke, surprising the brunette.

“I was up here, on Friday. Did you know? I came for a smoke.” She laughed humourlessly. “Instead, I got you and Kira, discussing me and my team. It was then that I realised… something was _really_ wrong. I ran because I realised… how _selfish_ I had been. Each member of my team had a personal connection to Follicular Lymphoma, had lost someone close because of it or had worked with it before. I think… I think I knew that you knew before you told me… but I was too upset with myself for hurting my team to actually _make_ that _link._

“Then you _did_ tell me. I haven’t had much time alone since then to really _think_ about it. To _understand_ the damage I came _so close_ to causing.” Delphine sniffed and she wiped at her eyes with her free hand. She took another puff of the cigarette. In… out… She sobbed, and more words followed through tears.

“The one thing I was missing up until now, was how _real_ this is. It’s not just _science_ , it’s not just a _competition_ between companies… there is a _real_ woman out there! And her life has been improved _vastly_ by this stupid treatment that I didn’t even know I had _created_ , and she has some genuine hope!” She stubbed out the used cigarette on the sole of her left boot and lined it up with the others. Nine, now. She turned to Cosima fully now, the sun shining brightly and glinting off her eyes and tears.

“Cosima, I nearly _killed_ that woman! If you hadn’t knocked sense into me, I would be continuing with this _ridiculous, dangerous_ game! I would have taken _everything_ from you and left Topside _burning_ , and Aryanna Giordano would be dead. _That_ is what _I_ would have done. Even if you _had_ left my work alone and told me, this still wouldn’t be over. I would have taken it to Leekie for him to sell at exorbitant prices that would make it impossible to get your hands on. And I would have killed _thousands_ of woman because of my own _greed!_ ” She turned her back to Cosima and cried more. She fell to her knees, sobbing.

“Oh, _Delphine…_ ” Cosima hurried to join her on the floor, taking the woman in her arms once more. “You can’t think like that, okay? _Leekie_ got in your head and he scared you into doing this!”

“I’m a terrible person, Cosima! How could I not have seen it before?” she cried, tears wetting the shoulder of Cosima’s top.

“No! You were desperate, you needed to escape the horror that your life had become! You did what you had to… to survive.”

“ _Non,_ Cosima, I must accept what I did. And that is okay, I think. When walking, “Every step forward requires a firmly planted foot in the past.” Something like that, I think.” Delphine wiped her face and slowly stood up, Cosima with her. “It is my responsibility to make sure that I never do that again and that we cure every single woman with Follicular Lymphoma. I have to.”

“Are you… are you mad about your work being messed with?”

Delphine laughed but it was more a way of expressing her exasperation than humour.

“If anything, I am relieved. I was worrying all this time about something being wrong with _me_ and my _memory_ … I thought I was going _mad,_ Cosima. It is good to know that it was not me.”

Cosima brought their heads closer together and touched their noses, nuzzling her.

“No, babe. I’m sorry… It’s not you, it’s me.”

Delphine giggled a little and then sniffled.

“I don’t blame you. I would have done the same thing if I were you.”

At that moment, the door to the roof garden opened. They both looked at the new arrival. It was Eric, and he appeared to have been looking for Delphine because he smiled when he saw them both.

“Dr Cormier… We were wondering if you were okay to come back to the labs and go through the gene therapy test that we’ve got.”

“You want me to come back down?” Eric walked towards them with a small smile on his face.

“Dr Cormier, what you did wasn’t good, that’s obvious, but without you, I wouldn’t have even had the chance to work on this. DYAD didn’t give me the job, but Dr Niehaus did. And that’s down to you. So you’d better hurry up, we’ve got _a lot_ of work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Don't stop being incredible. I love you so much.
> 
> Love,  
> HermioneSpencer


	19. Krystal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Edited entirely with my phone, this chapter is in serious danger of being full of spelling mistakes because autocorrect does exist and often its guesses are wrong.  
> Please forgive me. I will edit when I have proper access. Why not wait until then? Well, you must know by now that I am an impatient git! Embrace it.  
> Enjoy this longer-ish chapter! 
> 
> Love,  
> HermioneSpencer

_“I don’t see how you think that’s going to help me at all, Shay!  The only way you can help me is by staying by my side, where I_ need _you!”_

 _“Cosima, you know I can’t sit idly by!  I am helpless here, and the fact you continue to do nothing about it only makes this situation worse!  You’re damaging yourself, and I refuse to just watch you do it.  So I'm_ taking _the job.  Because you_ need _me to, and I’m doing for you what you should already be doing!”_

_“How can you say that, Shay?  I’m doing everything I can!”_

_“No, you’re not!  You’re sitting at your desk, writing bullshit papers that aren’t helping_ anyone _, and you’re lying to yourself if you think they will.”_

 _“I’m getting my doctorate!  I can’t do anything without it; I need it if I’m going to help myself, why can’t you_ see _that?”_

_“I’ve had enough of hearing your excuses, Cosima.  I’m leaving because I love you, and when I’ve done what needs to happen, I will come back home to you.”  The blonde woman came back to stand in front of Cosima, cupping her face in both hands.  “You’re not alone in this, my love.  I am here to fight for you when you refuse to do it yourself.”  Shay’s face was sad, but her lip curled up at one end as if to encourage Cosima to agree with her._

_“If you leave then don’t expect me to wait for you.”_

_Shay froze, her mouth open and hurt painted all over her face.  She dropped her hands._

_“If… if that’s what you want, then I won’t expect you to take me back-”_

_“Just go, Shay.  If you’re so hell-bent on doing this DYAD shit then go and_ do _it and stop dragging this out.”_

_Shay was clearly very hurt by Cosima’s words, but she didn’t say another word.  She picked up her handbag, put on her hat, and dragged her suitcase to the door.  With one last glance at Cosima, who refused to look at her, she huffed, and left through the open door.  She left it open._

_Cosima waited for the footsteps to fade into silence.  When she could hear them no longer, she ran to the door and slammed it as hard as she could, making the floor shake.  She hit the door with her palms as hard as she could, shouting nothing but sounds until both her hands and throat were unbearably sore._

_When the initial anger had left her system, she began to grow weak.  Leaning her head against the dark wood, she half-heartedly hit the door with her hand in a fist, occasionally unintentionally hitting it with her wrist at the same time.  She began to cry.  She held onto the door handle as if her life depended on it.  It was the only thing still here for her, now._

_She sank to the floor, tears flowing freely and her heart fragmenting in half with every sob she let out getting smaller each time like the half-life curve of the decay of her soul._

_“Why, Shay?” she moaned in a whisper, her body shaking.  “Why do you have to go?  I need you here.  I need you here.”  She crumpled in on herself, leaning against the door in a little ball._

_“I need you.”_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It had been another very successful day so far, and it was only just the end of lunch.  Delphine’s newly enlightened sub-team had been filled in on every aspect of the medicine that they were creating, and just as she thought would be the case, their progress was incredible.

Despite the positive day she had had, Delphine was very nervous.  She was a generally nervous person these days, but this was the positive type of nerves.  Cosima had told her that they were expecting a visitor today.

One of the women suffering from Follicular Lymphoma was coming in to the hospital wing of Topside to have a medical check-up.  Delphine hadn’t even known that there _was_ a hospital wing at Topside, which only served to make her laugh at just how bad a spy she had been.  She allowed herself the fact that Cosima had already known, but it was a small consolation.  Leekie had made a _fatally_ bad error in coming to her that night.

Delphine was so nervous because Cosima had asked her to come and meet the woman.  For obvious reasons, she was both excited and terrified.  In just a few minutes, she would be meeting one of the women she had nearly killed.

She shook out her limbs, attempting to loosen up her body before she met the woman.  She was waiting in the hallway a few metres away from a large door that led into one of the personal wardrooms.  It was quite a pleasant hallway, colourful and full of natural light from the glass ceiling.  It calmed Delphine’s worrisome headache.  Cosima had said she would collect her when the woman was ready, so she repeatedly walked up and down the corridor, allowing the calm of the corridor to seep into her body.

Delphine was just straightening her blouse when the door opened quickly, but Delphine couldn’t see who it was as it had opened with the hinges on her side.  Someone shut it and finally Delphine could see Cosima.  She was about to call out to her when the brunette doubled over in a fit of coughs, leaning against the soft red section of the wall.  Instead of calling out to her, Delphine shoved her hand in her satchel and pulled out a water bottle.  The water was a day old, as she hadn’t thought to refill it, but it was better than nothing at all.  She hurried over to Cosima and put a hand on her shoulder, effectively making her open her eyes.  When she saw Delphine she tried to stop coughing but this only served to make her cough more.  It would have been almost comical to watch, if Cosima hadn’t looked like she was going to die from lack of oxygen.

“Here, _chérie_ , drink some water.”  Delphine put the bottle in the brunette’s hand and waited for Cosima to sort herself out.  When she had downed every droplet in the only half-full bottle, she breathed deeply, relieved to see she could do so once more.  She looked at Delphine and they both started giggling. 

“Heya babe, I wasn’t expecting you for another ten minutes.  What a lovely surprise!”  They kissed, but Cosima didn’t allow Delphine entry into her mouth.  Delphine smiled at her nervously when she responded.

“Yes, I have been walking up and down this hallway for about five minutes already.  I wanted to get in the right frame of mind to meet her.”

“You look terrified, babe.  Whatever frame of mind you’re in, you need to calm down because you look like you’re about to meet the woman whose son you murdered in cold blood.  Come on, come here.”

She opened up her arms for Delphine to enter into a hug.  Delphine did so willingly, taking comfort in the strong arms that wrapped around her under her own.

“Now, she’s all prepped and ready for her check-up.  If you’re here already, we should just go right ahead with it.  I’ve told her about you and she’s super-excited to meet you.”  Delphine swallowed nervously, but Cosima kissed her cheek softly, making her sigh slightly.  With Cosima by her side, she was sure she could do anything. 

The petite brunette opened the door and reentered the small room.  It was very open and bright, much like the corridor, but the ceiling wasn’t glass.  To all intents and purposes, it was a very lovely little personal room, but Delphine considered that any type of cancer treatment and chemotherapy was _never_ going to pleasant, so the appearance of the room was irrelevant.  It wouldn’t change the reason that any of them were there.

Cosima’s back was to Delphine, and she was tending to the woman in front of her, effectively blocking her from The Frenchwoman’s view.

“And of course, that’s a totally natural reaction dude; I don’t blame you in the slightest!”  Cosima was chatting with the woman.  Delphine couldn’t help but notice how different Cosima’s voice was now, the vowels were warped and stretched and it sounded so strange to Delphine’s ears that she had to shake her head to clear it and listen again.  “Now, here’s the woman I was telling you about before… the one who basically birthed the new treatment we’re developing.”

She stood back from the woman, and finally, she was displayed in full view to Delphine.

She had startlingly blonde hair – styled to perfection, Delphine might add – with large eyes and a flirtatious gradient to one side of her lips.  What Delphine couldn’t help but notice, however, was the stunning cleavage that was on display under a revealing top that was clearly meant to dazzle.  Attempting to remain professional despite her very recent sexual awakening, Delphine moved her gaze back to her face.  It took her a moment, but something clicked.

“Krystal?  Krystal?!” she exclaimed, a smile breaking out all over her face.

“Oh. My. GOD!  Dr _Cormier_!  _Phi-Phi_!” The woman sitting on the edge of the hospital bed squealed in response.  She jumped up and hurried over to Delphine giving her a tight hug (whilst pressing her ample bosom against Delphine in the meantime, which she tried not to think about) and Krystal’s mouth starting running away with her.  “Oh my _God_ , how long has it been?  Like, at _least_ five years, right?  Because I distinctly remember that it was the holiday that I was on and that was the holiday that I broke my leg, remember?  Yes of course you do, you were _there_!  And jeez, this is like _so_ surreal because I was _just_ thinking about you last week!  I was having dinner with Hector and for some reason I just thought about you and oh honey I’ve _missed_ you!”  Delphine laughed and she squeezed the woman back, her heart squeezing simultaneously with the affection she had for this small woman.  She glanced over at Cosima, who was watching with the most surprised look on her face.  Delphine laughed again and pulled away from Krystal, still keeping a hand on her shoulder.

“So… which of you is going to explain to me how you know each other?” the brunette asked, a grin pulling at her mouth.

“Me, of course!” Krystal grinned widely.

“Okay, well, you can tell me as I take your vitals and all that shit, okay?” Cosima guided her back to the side of the bed and got her ready for the most basic of tests that she would be going through today.

“Sure thing!”

Delphine couldn’t help but laugh.  Oh, _Krystal_ _!_   It was so good to see her again, and the Frenchwoman hadn’t realised how much she had missed her until that moment when they had come across each other again after so many years.

“So, when did you first meet?”  Cosima asked as she worked at the side table making sure she had everything she needed.  Delphine moved to one of the seats on the side of the bed and grinned as Krystal started talking.

“Well that is a _story_ , isn’t it, darling?” She winked at Delphine.  “I was on holiday in Thunder Bay – and don’t ask me _why_ I was on _holiday_ in _Thunder Bay_ of all places, the reason is _so_ embarrassing... oh whatever; it was because we were all so _broke_ back then, and I was there with a large group of my super-close friends at the time, right?  We were in this cute little club and there was like _so_ much alcohol but then pretty soon it kind of became _too_ much.  I fell down some stairs and literally broke my leg  _and_ my arm!  None of my friends were sober enough to drive apart from a friend of a friend who I didn’t really know, called Hector, and so he took me.  It was like _super_ cute and everything because he literally  _carried_ me into the hospital like a princess or something because I was in so much pain and he was _such_ a gentleman.  We had to wait for a little bit and, like I said, I was in _so_ much pain but he held my hand the  _whole_ time-”

“Krystal,” Cosima laughed, “You’re telling me how you met Hector.  Tell me about Delphine, babe.”  Delphine felt a strange sort of boiling in her body that started in her feet when she heard Cosima call Krystal the endearment.  She tried to brush it off but it didn’t really work.

“Oh yeah, so I am.  Soz, darling.  Anyway, when we were _finally_ seen, it was by this lovely nurse called _Delphine._   Oh, she was so cute, had this gorgeous little accent and everything!”  The woman on the bed looked over at Delphine and winked again, her cheeky grin making Delphine laugh again.

“Yeah, it’s a fantastic voice, isn’t it?”

“Totally.  So, she helped me through the whole sorting out my broken limbs business.  I had to stay there because I was so hurt you know?  She really looked after me, and oh she was _so lovely!_ I was there for about a week when all of my friends had to go back home!  I was going to be alone for the whole time and I was _so_ sad, but Delphine was like my bread and water, she was so awesome, she made me laugh, she helped me get back on my feet – literally – and my arm improved too.  Honestly, Phi became a really close friend on that trip.  You won’t believe what happened next though.”

Cosima had, by now, sorted her kit out and begun to work on Krystal, applying the band around her arm tight enough to keep it in one place but not tight enough to be really painful.

“Go on, shock me.  What happened next?” the brunette couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

“I didn’t have enough money to get back home!  I’d used up _all_ of my money paying for the drinks!  I tried to get at least one of my friends to help but they were somehow all broke _too!_ There was no way for me to get home, but after a day of worrying, I got a message from one of my friends who told me that _their_ friend Hector was willing to pay for a bus fare!  He said that he would come to pick me up if he could, but he was working all week.  Obviously, I needed someone to help me get back home.”

Cosima stopped what she was doing to put her hands on her hips and raise an eyebrow.  “Now don’t tell me this is going where I think it is, Krystal...”  She smirked and looked sideways at Delphine, who smiled sheepishly.  Cosima returned to taking Krystal’s information down, leading her over to the weighing scales.

“I think it _is_ , Dr Niehaus-”

“ _Cosima_ , please!  You’re telling me your life history here; I think we’re okay with first names by now, don’t you?”

“Alright, _Cosima,_ darling.  My awesome new friend Delphine spoke to a few people, and then _she_ was able to accompany me all the way back to Toronto!  She was with me every step of the way from the hospital bed to _my_ bed!”  Cosima’s eyes shot back to Delphine as Krystal looked at the number the scales were telling her.  Delphine shook her head a tiny bit, putting Cosima’s imagination at rest.  “By that I don’t mean anything like really awkward, I mean that I was living in a studio apartment because the rent was so much cheaper, but I didn’t have a sofa!  So I let Delphine stay the night sharing my bed.  It was the least I could do, you know?  She returned to Thunder Bay the next morning.”

Delphine spoke up finally, changing the subject.  She _hadn’t_ gone back to Thunder Bay and she didn’t want that question to come up.

“It was also the worst night of my life.  You kept waking me up with your constant movement!”

“Hey, my body still hurt!  I couldn’t get at all comfortable!”

“That still didn’t make the night any easier, so say what you will.”

“Oh Phi-Phi, it is _so_ good to see you!”  Krystal stepped off the scales and hurried over to Delphine, hugging her again and resting her head on her shoulder.

“And you too, Krystal.  It has been a very long time.  So tell me what you have been up to _mon amie_.  I want to hear about you.”

“Oh, you know.  I got my life together, I trained in a salon.  Now I’m one of the best nail technicians in the whole of Toronto and most likely Canada.  No biggie.”

Delphine laughed and beamed at her friend as Cosima noted down the numbers on a small clipboard.

“I am so happy for you, Krystal.  I must come and visit you at work and you can make my hands presentable.”  Krystal looked at Delphine’s hands as she mentioned them and pursed her lips. 

“They look very healthy, you know.  Well moisturised.”  Cosima choked and coughed, but recovered quickly.  “There is also one major development…”

She smiled coyly and enjoyed Delphine’s eager, wide eyes, begging her to continue.

“Well…  Hector and I – you do remember him, right?”

Delphine did.  He had been unfailingly polite and charming, and he only had eyes for Krystal.  She guessed where this was going.

“He proposed to me three months ago!”  Krystal smiled and brought up her hand, revealing a gorgeous little diamond ring, but Delphine saw that there was something wrong; it was in the tiny tremble of her lower lip and the way she tried to detract attention from her face using her hand.

“Oh, I knew that would happen from the moment I saw you two.  Congratulations!”  Delphine smiled.  But Krystal didn’t look any happier.

“Hey, Krystal, can I get you to pull your sleeve up, please?  It’s time for the gross bit, unfortunately.”  Cosima caught their attention.

As Krystal went back to the bed, it suddenly made sense to Delphine, why she had been so happy to talk about the past, but the present dampened her vivacity.  _Of course…_

Suddenly, Delphine grew very sad herself.  Wonderful, funny, lively Krystal, who infected everyone with her own eagerness and passion for life, was here because she was sick… with an incurable disease.

Krystal carried on talking.

“At first, I was really worried.  I’d been diagnosed about a month before, and Hector decided that he would ask me.  I was kind of offended at first, you know?  I didn’t want him to marry me out of pity, that’s not what I’m about.  So, I didn’t say yes or no for a while, but he eventually convinced me when he proved to me that it _wasn’t_ pity.”

Cosima had prepared her needles to get the blood samples that she needed.  She tied off a tourniquet at the top of her arm and then cleaned the patch of skin that she would be injecting into.

“How did he do that, hun?” she asked as the alcoholic solution cleaned the skin.

“Well, he took me out on a _really_ romantic date.  Started with the cinema, then we went out for dinner.  It was so wonderful.  When we got back home, he sat me down and then told me how silly I was being.  He didn’t want to marry me out of pity.  He told me how we both knew that my time is running short – we don’t really know how long I have, but whatever it is, it’s not long enough.  He told me how much he loved me, and how we had built up this life together, full of memories and wonderful things, but then he told me that-”  she choked on her words, and Delphine moved to sit beside her and held her free hand.  “He told me that- he didn’t want to be left alone with nothing to prove to everyone else how much he loved me.  He didn’t want me to die without him having been able to prove his devotion to- to _me!_ ”  She fully sobbed now, and Delphine hugged her as Cosima removed the needle.  When the brunette was done, she hurriedly moved it all away and hugged Krystal from the other side. 

“Hector sounds like an awesome dude,” she sighed, and Krystal hummed her agreement.

“He’s, like, the _best_ thing that ever happened to me.  But I don’t want him to be _chained down_ as the widower, you know?  He’s a really handsome guy… when I’m gone, it would she a shame to waste that!”

Delphine looked at Krystal.

“Don’t you think that Hector is the one who wants to decide that for himself?” she asked gently.  Krystal's lip wobbled again.

“I suppose you’re right.  But I just love him _so much_ and I’m scared about leaving him alone.  Think of how _gross_ his hands are going to get, Phi-Phi!”

They all laughed at that, a chorus of unhappy humour.

“Krystal, do you remember why I asked you to come in today?”  Cosima stood up, clearing everything away properly.

“Mhm.  Something about a new treatment you’re making.”

“Exactly.  Well, we had a new idea that grew from an idea that Delphine had, and we managed to catch the early symptoms in another woman, who is already improving.  We think that this could really give you a chance.  Every day our intensive development increases your chances of survival by another day, another week, another month.  Krystal, thanks to Delphine, it is _possible_ to have you cured in a little over six months.”

Both doctors watched the emotions that played on Krystal’s face.  She eventually settled on crying again, but this time, there was something slightly hopeful about the whole thing.

“Really?” she asked, tears forming and falling over her beautifully made up face.  Cosima brought Krystal’s attention to her by gripping onto her hands.

“I hope you really want to marry Hector… because you’re going to be stuck with him for a _very_ long time.”

Krystal cried even harder at that, but there was a clear smile on her face.

“So, babe, what we’re gonna do is this.  If you want to, I have an intradermal injection that I am creating, which is why I had to weigh you and so on, because I have to tailor it to you and your biology.  It won’t be a cure by any stretch of the imagination – not yet – but it will help to bring down the intensity of the symptoms until we _do_ have a cure.”

“Will I- will I lose my _hair_?” Krystal whispered nervously.

“I don’t think so, hun.  This isn’t like any other chemotherapy we’ve tried before, it’s entirely new, but we’re all pretty sure that it’s only going to affect your hands, which will shrink and get all shrivelled up like prune fingers when you’ve been submerged in water for too long.”

A beat passed with horror plastered all over the blonde’s face until she realised what Cosima was doing.

“Oh, you _monster_ , Cosima!  I thought you were being _serious_ for a moment there!”

Again, they all laughed but it was _genuine_ laughter this time.

“So, Krystal, would you like to go ahead with this?  Would you like me to create the intradermal injection?”

“Yes, Cosima!  Yes!  Go ahead and do it!”  She turned to Delphine, tears still fresh.  “Phi-Phi, I am sorry that I lost contact with you after Rudy came along.  He was a problem and I didn’t see that.  You were right.  I promise that I will _never_ let another man control me again.  With Hector, it is a _partnership_ , and that is why I love and respect him so much.  Also, if you’re the one who thought up this whole cure thing…  Oh darling, thank you _so, so, so_ much!  All you’ve ever done for me is be the best person you can and that is so… _so_ healing and inspirational.  I have to go and take Hector his lunch now – he has his late – and I have to tell him this news too, he’s going to be so happy, but at any chance we have, we _have_ to go out together and you can tell me _everything_ about what _you’ve_ been up to since we’ve been gone!”

“Oh, I am afraid you shall be terribly bored by hearing that!” Delphine laughed.  She believed it too; she had jumped around from hospital to hospital, slowly climbing the ranks but Leekie never really coming through on his promise until about a year ago.  Krystal didn’t know about the history Delphine had kept hidden, but Delphine was wondering whether that would come out at any point, and if it even should.

“Oh honestly.  _Something_ must have happened.  Like a special someone.  Anyone important in your life right now?”

Delphine was about to laugh and say “ _non, of course not!”_ which had been her automatic reaction for many years, but then she realised that the special someone in her life was currently watching her curiously, smiling slightly, waiting to see her response.

Delphine walked over to Cosima.  Nervously, due to their first ever witness, she kissed her deeply, pouring her heart out and offering it unto Cosima, who took it elatedly.

Krystal squealed and clapped her hands together, shouting out random words that articulated her happiness for the both of them.

Once Krystal had left, escorted to the entrance hall by the two doctors, Delphine was floored by a very important thought.   The appearance of the patient’s room was far from irrelevant.  Indeed, the circumstances were dire and entirely miserable, but Delphine realised that _hope_ became an important player.  Krystal had brightened up immensely the moment a sliver of _hope_ had been gifted to her, the moment she saw a glimpse of something that meant she could go back to Hector and give him something _more_ than simply more bad news.  The _room_ was important!  If it was grey and monotonous, nobody would ever even think to have the strength to keep on fighting; it would suck the misery out of every one, double it and return it to them, leaving them more depressed than before.  Oh yes, there was hope for Krystal yet, and nobody was giving up, not even the building that housed the people who were trying to cure her. 

Delphine and Cosima walked arm in arm to the corridor that housed their offices.  Delphine would pick up her bag and then make her way to the labs.  When Cosima was parting to go into her own office, Delphine called her back.

“Cosima?”  The brunette turned to her.

“Yeah, babe?”  Delphine had been wrong.  There was _nothing_ to worry about with her calling other people babe… not when she reserved that intense feeling just for her when she said it to Delphine.

“Thank you.  For inviting me today.  I understand why you did it… and I really appreciate that.” 

“I think that it’s important for you to understand how you’re helping now.  I want you to stop worrying about what you _nearly_ did, because you _didn’t_ , and that’s what matters.  I want you to think about Krystal, a friend I didn’t even know you had, and remind yourself that you have given her the hope she needs to carry on.  The moment _any one of us_ gives up, that’s when the whole thing falls apart.  I need you to stay strong, for me, for Topside, for Krystal, and for every other woman out there who needs your brilliant brain to carry on working for them.  I can’t do it alone.”

The blonde woman came back to stand in front of Cosima, cupping her face in both hands.  “You’re not alone in this, _mon amour_.”

Cosima shivered, and quickly smiled, but seemed to be in a hurry to get into her office.  She kissed Delphine’s cheek chastely, and Delphine let her go.  She sighed and went into her own office, getting ready to work on Krystal’s blood samples and finally do some good in the world.

She needed to atone for what she had done to Danielle, and she reckoned that this was possibly the best way she could go about doing that.


	20. 'The Web of our Life is of a Mingled Yarn, Good and Ill Together'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> This chapter...  
> Just-  
> Yeah.  
> Sorry?
> 
> HermioneSpencer

Old books, new books, books yet to be written. 

They are all so similar in their _essence,_ in _what they are_ , but the fundamental difference that makes it so easy to individuate them all is their _smell._

The smell of books.  The aroma of words in their physical form.

Technically, an old book smells of the convoluted mixture of cellulose and lignin degradation in the paper, _and_ the _new_ chemical compounds that have been produced as by-products.  Most commonly, the chemicals are vanillin; similar to that of vanilla, ethyl benzene and toluene; sweet in their perfume, and benzaldehyde; almond-like.

 _Romantically,_ however, an old book smells of… history.  There are two different timelines we are connected to when holding a book of such antiquity.  The first is the story _inside_ that book, the adventure, the anecdote, the biography, the apologue or the fact inside the bound pieces of paper that you hold.  The second is the story _of_ the book.  For many of us, old books have existed longer than we have.  For others, they have existed for longer than we care to remember.  But each book has a story to tell _on_ its covers, from its spine to its fore edge.  Damaged heads and tails, torn fly covers, mysterious spillages and missing pages.  Past readers have experienced the story _inside_ as well as their own.

An old book.

It smells of the dust that built up on the previous owners’ bookshelves.  It smells of the perfume that your grandmother wore.  It smells of the grass of summer outings, of the sand that the devoted scholarly holiday-goer subjected it to.  It smells of the bitter inability – that we all possess – to understand those yesterdays that came before us.  It smells mesmerising… because an old book is all we have to link us physically to a time we didn’t know – can’t _ever_ know.  Not truly.

Delphine remembered one book in particular when she thought of old books.  Her mother had given her the book she had loved as a young woman, and Delphine had read it surprisingly young herself.  _Désirée_ by Annemarie Selinko.  The story of how Napoleon’s first fiancé had had her heart broken when he found another love.  Delphine had been enraptured by that book.  The story had been told through Désirée and her charming, vibrant personality, and it was one of the most emotional stories she had ever been exposed to at the time.  But Delphine had been mesmerised by the book itself, for when her mother had handed it down to her, it had been accompanied by a story of her own.

Delphine’s grandmother had bought the book when it had been published in French in the 1950s.  She had been returning from visiting her distant family in Calais.  Finding she had finished her reading, she needed something to occupy herself on the journey home again.  Entering the nearest _librarie_ , she had exited mere moments later with _Désirée_ , supposedly an exciting new story, according to the owner of the shop.

On the train home, Aurora had genuinely _collided_ with a man who was trying to find an empty compartment.  He had been unable to bear the noise.  Together they found one.  Her grandmother had promised to be quiet, simply reading her book, but he had insisted that they talk more.  The book had become a point of discussion between them.  Delphine had been told that he had found her voice beautiful. 

It was the only story Delphine had of her grandparents, as they had died before Delphine was born, and her connection to them was strengthened by the book, so much so that every time she held it in her hands, she could imagine being on that same train, watching them talk about literature they loved and authors they admired.  So recently after the war, Delphine often wondered about how they had survived, what emotions they had felt throughout it and how they had moved on from it.  She would never know, as her mother never spoke of Aurora, and she could never ask them herself, but it _felt_ as though that family copy of Désirée that had started a family could _communicate_ their emotions to her.

It was with some confusion, therefore, that Delphine held in her hands a completely different copy that was nearly _identical_ to hers apart from the wear and tear, and felt such an intense _lack_ of connection that she couldn’t help but stare confoundedly at the neat ink on the fly cover.

Shaking her head to clear it of the murky musings of her childhood, she wondered where her copy was right now.

She couldn’t be sure, but she believed that it was sitting on her dresser in her old room at home in France.

Home.

Delphine hadn’t been home in so long.  She suddenly felt a desperate need for the woman who had come to mean home for her here in Toronto.

She returned the book to the old, wooden shelf and looked around for Cosima, her neck spinning in each direction in search of the smaller brunette.  She moved through the cramped bookshelves and turned left at the first opportunity in the labyrinth that was this second-hand bookshop.  The smell of old books was _everywhere_ , permeating Delphine’s nose and skin.  It was wonderful.

She found her in the theatre section, which surprised her.  Sneaking up behind her as the petite woman had her nose buried in a large book, Delphine lined her body up with hers and then put her hands on Cosima’s hips, stepping forward into her back.  She kissed her neck and looked at what she was reading over her shoulder.

“Brecht?  I didn’t know you were so well-read in theatre practitioners.”

Cosima had jumped under her touch but laughed and turned her head to kiss her.

“Oh, this?  No, dude, this is _not_ for me...  Alison, my sister, she’s all into acting shit and I forgot her birthday yesterday, so this is for her.”

“And is that why you’ve already nearly finished the introduction?” Delphine asked, smirking into Cosima’s neck.

“Well, okay, it’s _interesting_ … but I’m _so_ not into the theatre.”

“I’ll believe you.  Thousands wouldn’t, but apparently my job is to support you, so that’s what I’ll do.”

Cosima laughed and turned around to look at her, holding the book in one hand and using the other to play with Delphine’s hair.  Delphine stroked Cosima’s face.

“I would _love_ to go and see a play with you, _mon amour._ ”

“If _you_ were with me, it _might_ be bearable.  But, I prefer _reading_ the plays over going to see them.”

“Why?”

“Oh, I dunno… it just… it’s never been the more enticing option, you know?  With the text in front of me I can see things develop as I read, I can flick back to confirm my suspicions or see whether I was remembering false stuff, I can check my phone whenever I want... but when you’re _there_ , you have to pay _so much attention_ for, like _hours_ and you can’t take a smoke break.”

“There is the intermission, _non_?”

“Oh, I meant a _legal_ smoke break, babe.”

Delphine laughed and put a hand in Cosima’s dreadlocks, bringing her head closer to kiss her deeply.  Cosima returned the passion with such gentle fire that Delphine melted into her.

“Cosima?” she asked, resting her forehead against Cosima’s.

“Yeah, babe?”

“I love you.”

Cosima pulled her head away from Delphine but remained in her arms.  Her eyes were soft and bright, enticing and dangerous, all at the same time.  She was smiling, her tongue poking out slightly between her teeth.  She closed her eyes, and when she didn’t open them again after a while, Delphine grew nervous.

“What are you doing, _ma chérie_?”

“I just… want to remember… the smell… of that sentence…” she murmured, in between long intakes of breath.

“Oh?  And what does ‘I love you’ smell of?”

“Say it again, please?”

“I love you.”

“Mmmm… yeah.  That’s a _really_ good smell.”

“Are you going to tell me what it is?” Delphine asked, slightly exasperated but good-naturedly.

“Yes.  ‘I love you’ spoken from the lips of a certain Frenchwoman smells of your rose perfume, your beautiful shampoo, the musty smell of books and that faint coffee smell.”  She opened her eyes.  “Can _you_ smell that?  The coffee?”

“I can.  It’s very appealing.”

“Isn’t that, like, bad for the books or something?”

“I think there is a café next door.  That must be the source.  Should we go and investigate?”

“I like that idea.  But, there’s one thing I need to do first.”

“Enlighten me, _ma colombe._ ”  Delphine nuzzled the woman below her.

Cosima brought their lips together and kissed her, asking for entrance into Delphine’s mouth with her tongue, which the blonde granted happily.

They kissed for some time, in this very large second-hand bookshop, until they both needed to breathe.  Cosima put a hand against Delphine’s collarbone and whispered four words in her ear.

“ _I love you, too.”_

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

_Delphine shut the door behind her firmly and then made her way down the large steps from Krystal’s studio apartment._

_The shorter blonde had been sad to see her go, but she couldn’t really stop her, with her still healing arm and leg._

_To be fair, Delphine was leaving unnecessarily early, but there was a reason for this._

_She hurried down the stairs until she finally reached the atrium.  She tried to get out of the door but someone with a deep voice called out to her.  Fear flooded through her and she sped up, desperate to get away from what was surely going to be the end of her-_

_“Hey, wait!  I’m not going to hurt you!”_

Bien sûr que non, vraiment! _Delphine wanted to laugh.  How could they think she would fall for that?  What idiot actually_ stopped _and thought they were telling the_ truth _?  Just as she had made it to the door and was pulling it open, a hand stopped her by holding onto her shoulder.  She froze.  She couldn’t do anything else now, not when this_ fear _took over her body._

_“Hey, are you alright?  I didn’t mean to scare you or anything.”_

_Now that she was in his custody, Delphine took a proper look at the man who was holding her hostage.  She took in his black hair, sharp eyebrows and strong, cleft chin.  She felt incredibly foolish._

_“Oh,_ Hector _!  I am so sorry, I did not recognise you!  But I am afraid, I have a plane to catch, I am running late!”_

_“Oh I’m so sorry, Dr Cormier, please don’t let me keep you.  But, I just wanted to say thank you for doing what I couldn’t!  I really appreciate you bringing Krystal home.”_

_“It was absolutely no problem.  Please think nothing of it.”  She turned towards him properly, stopping her body language from being so hostile, but she_ really did _need to go…_ now. _“Krystal has been talking about you non-stop.  I suppose you are here to see her after her long stay away?  She’s already up, so you’re free to go…”_

 _“Well, thanks, Doc, you read my mind!”  Delphine smiled and turned away, waving, so_ desperate _, but he held out a hand again.  “Do- Do I look_ presentable _?”_

 _“Yes, Hector.  I’m_ so _sorry, but I_ have _to run now.”  She wasn’t joking, she really would be_ running.

_“I’m sorry Doc, please forgive me.  Have a safe trip back!”_

_“Thank you, Hector!”_

_And she left, hurrying out of the door and down the street and hailing the closest taxi, jumping in it._

_“Where to?” the driver asked gruffly._

_“Pearson International, please.”_

_“Oh, are you going somewhere nice?”_

_“I’m going back to France.”_

_“France, eh?  Fancy!”_

_“Well… it’s home.”  Oh, how desperate she was to return.  To see her mother and father once again, to smell the lavender that hung over the door as it always did, to see Brie again, Delphine’s oh-so-loved dog, whom she had left behind to go to university with Danielle.  She began to cry as she thought about everything that had happened since that day she said goodbye to them, knowing that she would most likely be unable to see them until her degree was finished.  Nobody could spare the money for a flight every reading week._

_She missed them so much, and she hadn’t realised it for such a long time._

_She rested her hot forehead against the cool glass as the driver sped through the streets, wishing that he could go faster than he already was.  She needed to get out of here, and she had come so far – to_ Toronto _, no less – and all she needed to do was board her plane and she would be back in France._ Home.

_The taxi stopped at a red light.  Delphine’s breath quickened as it grew painfully long, and just when she thought they would be on the move again, the door on the opposite side to her opened, and someone joined her in her taxi._

_“Eh, excuse me, sir, this taxi’s occupied.”_

_Emphasised consonants, elongated vowels, and a disgusting fondness for dramatic pauses._

_“Ah, Delphine here is… expecting me…  We won’t be going to the airport…  I have a_ better _destination in mind…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you all hate him. I do, too.  
> Next chapter guys. Next chapter. Just you wait.  
> ;)
> 
> This is the first time I have ever had to wait weekly for Orphan Black episodes. It's killing me.
> 
> Also, I now have tumblr. I started using it like last week so I'm totally new to the hype. I don't really know what it's for and I don't know how to properly use it, but I'm there.
> 
> http://moreficpleaseanddontsparetheink.tumblr.com/


	21. History Shall Haunt Us For as Long as We Remember It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning: Graphic scene involving suicidal thoughts and rape**
> 
> Dear Reader,
> 
> This chapter made me cry a _lot_ whilst writing it. I was listening to Arvo Pärt's _Credo_ while I wrote, and the different emotions of the two parts inspired the two different parts of this chapter. If you wanna cry too, you can listen to them before or whilst reading it to see where I was coming from.
> 
> Part 1[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYWpfNi9h4c)  
> Part 2 [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QUuq5Cf5Fs&ebc=ANyPxKqGzKXxN48Qb-zgbyDTOXs6XSLvunLvJhemvFXQN2detxlwwtI36i4_b-uDWzQvGNO8Ddhi)
> 
> We're getting into some thick story stuff from hereon in, so bear with me and we'll make it eventually.  
> I love you all so much and I promise we shall give Delphine everything she deserves... We just have to wade through all the shit, first.
> 
> Love,  
> HermioneSpencer

_Vice-like grip.  Sore bicep.  Hurried steps.  Harsh breathing.  Grunts of resistance._

_“After you.”  A door opened.  Delphine was shoved through the opening._

_Fumbling.  Stumbling._ I was so close…  _Crumbling._

_No…_

_Collapsing._

_It had only ever been precarious in the first place.  There had never been anything solid to crumble.  Collapsing was a better word.  Like a carefully balanced tower of cards being toppled by a careless hand, cards slumping atop each other, leaving the ruins in a pile under the tool of such painful construction and destruction._

_As Delphine was violently shoved into a chair behind a table, hands tied, she thought about how those hands were such guilty things._

_Hands probed where they should not touch, hands stole what they should not take, hands pulled friends to places they should not approach, hands punched what they should not harm, hands stabbed what they should not penetrate!  And hands shot… when they should not be holding the gun._

_But Delphine was certain that her whole body was culpable._

_Her feet had run to where they should not have fled._

_Her legs had opened for a man she should never have met._

_Her lungs had breathed the same air as rapists._

_Her mind had controlled every action since her birth.  Even when Delphine didn’t know what was going on, when terrors shook her at night or she blacked out in the middle of the day, when she saw Danielle at every turn, her mind was still responsible for everything she had done in her life._

_“Why did you try to run?”_

_Silence.  She would not answer.  He knew why.  He just wanted to goad her into an acrimonious tantrum.  She would not give him the satisfaction._

_“Do you know where we are?”_

Nothing.  Give him nothing.  Stare at the floor.  Stare into the _light_ if you must, but _don’t_ say anything.  You’ve been caught in the act.  Don’t give in to him without a fight!

_“Delphine.  Must we involve Krystal Goderitch in this?”_

_Eyes snapped up.  Panic.  Fear._ **Guilt.** _How many people’s lives must she ruin before she was convinced she should take her own?_

_“I see that’s got your attention…  She was your accomplice in escaping the hospital.  She is a threat to our safety.  She must either be brought in for questioning… or eliminated-”_

_“Oh,_ fils de pute _!_   _Leekie, there was a girl with a broken arm and leg who needed help returning to Toronto.  She was a friend; I did what I could for her!  She did nothing wrong, and is not involved in this at all, so don’t you_ dare _go killing_ more _people because of me!”_

_“Ah, but Delphine, my dear, you didn’t just want to help her, did you?”_

_Rising to his feet, he approached Delphine, walking around the table.  He put a piece of paper on it in front of her, but she still refused to look.  He growled in annoyance and took control of her head, holding it on either side from behind her.  She was forced to stare at the paper that sat in front of her.  A plane ticket confirmation._

**_CORMIER/DELPHINEADR_ **

**_Pearson International to Lille-Lesquin Airport_ **

**_YYZ-LIL GATE NOT YET ASSIGNED_ **

_Delphine wanted to scream.  She wanted to jerk her head violently in his hands to see if she could snap her own neck.  She wanted to kill the man who controlled so much power over her.  She wanted to curl up into a little ball and die._

I was so close…

_“Delphine, clearly, no matter how much I give you, I cannot trust you.”  He removed his hands from her face and moved back to stand opposite her from across the table._

_“_ Va te faire enculer, connard! _Please, tell me, what in the world you have given me?” she spat at him, incredulous that he should make such claims._

 _“You are a spoilt brat, Delphine, and_ still _I continue to provide for you.  You_ continually _test me, but_ still _I remain here for you.”_

_Delphine started to laugh softly._

_She couldn’t stop._

_Hands still tied behind her, she could only shake with pained laughter at Leekie’s words._

_“You?_ You _are here for_ me _?” she started to cry._ No one _was here for her.  Danielle had been, even when Delphine had let her down, but her willingness to help Delphine had landed her six feet under next to a playground of screaming children.  Danielle wasn’t at rest.  Danielle wasn’t here for her anymore, either.  Delphine had seen to that._

_“Yes, Delphine.  I’m here for you.  You are very important to me, you must know that.”_

_“Oh, yes.  So important!  You’re a liar, Leekie, because the only thing about me that is important to you is my silence.  So go on, then!  Ensure it!  Have my silence!  Kill me!”_

_Leekie looked at her, his eyebrow cocked._

_“Come now, Delphine.  You’re talking nonsense.  You don’t mean that.”  He neared her again, his hand outstretched to her.  It roughly landed on the side of her neck but she tried very hard not to flinch._

_“Yes, I mean it Leekie!  I want you to kill me!  I’m so_ tired _and I am so_ cold _, all the time!  I feel so_ empty _, all the time!  I feel so_ dead _, all the time!  I am dead in my soul anyway, why not just kill me now?_ Nobody _would know!  Nobody!_ Why do you insist on torturing me by letting me live, Leekie?  Please, JUST KILL ME!” tears poured out from her eyes.

_Leekie pulled her up from the chair so that they were facing each other._

_“Delphine!  I don’t want to hear you say any more of that!  Stop!”_

_“Kill me, kill me, and kill me again!”_

_He slapped her, the force stunning her into silence._

_“STOP!  Don’t you_ see, _Delphine?  Don’t you_ see _why I have_ protected _you for so long?  Don’t you_ see _why you hurt me so much when you refuse to do as I say, refuse to keep yourself safe?”_

_“No, please don’t say it, please kill me, please, please, please kill me!”_

_“I have always, always loved you, Delphine-”_

_“Kill me!”_

_“SHUT UP, DELPHINE!  I love you!”_

_He pushed her onto the floor on her back.  Her hands were crushed under her own weight as they were still tied underneath her, so struggle as she might, she could not escape._

_He climbed atop her clumsily, fumbling with the clothes that were getting in the way of what he wanted._

_“No, please!  Aldous, no!  I don’t want this!  I want it to_ end _, please, Aldous!  Please, kill me, kill me, kill me.”_

 _She squirmed and fought at every turn, making it very difficult for Leekie, who was trying to pull her clothes off as quickly as she could.  She bit at whatever she could reach with her mouth, desperate to fight back and refuse him entry inside her.  He forced her body into acquiescence, and to her horror, she found herself slipping back into the frame of mind she had taken when he had done his so many times before.  Her eyes went black, taking in no light.  Her body went limp, and Leekie finally got what he wanted.  Her heart crumbled.  For there_ had _been something solid of it once, that allowed it to finally crumble into the last tiny pieces.  But now it was just… nothing._

_“I love you, Delphine! I always have!  I always have!  You always hurt me.  But I’m still yours, I still protect you.”_

_“Kill me…”_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“Well, that is entirely good news, _ma chérie_!”

“Totally, right?”

“And how many women are there who want to come in and take the injection?”

“Well, we can’t do anything until we’ve got the results from Krystal’s preliminary trial and seen that everything’s fine, so that’ll take a while, but after that, there are at least 40 women who have given their permission for us to go ahead with the treatment.”

“ _Mon Dieu!_   Cosima, I am so proud of you.”

Cosima blushed uncharacteristically, but her natural charm allowed her to recover quickly.  Despite having developed their relationship to official “girlfriends” now, she still felt uncomfortable letting Delphine notice her weaknesses.  It was silly, of course, but she couldn’t really help it.

“Thanks, babe.  You certainly make me proud too.”  She allowed Delphine to kiss her softly.

It always amazed her just how soft Delphine could be whilst communicating just as much – if not more – in her gentle caresses than she could in her strong, purposeful kisses.

That described Delphine to her, in a way.

She was _gentle._   She spoke gently, she moved gently, she _was_ gentle.  And it served to make it all the more powerful when she _wasn’t._   When a loud person shouts all the time, one doesn’t bat an eyelid when they shout again.  But when a quiet person speaks out, choosing their moment wisely, people are more inclined to pay attention. 

Cosima clung on to the arm of the woman she had grown to love so dearly, in such a short space of time.

She regretted still not revealing the whole truth to her girlfriend, and she knew that she would have to, in time, but for now, the equality that they had reached was something that Cosima did not want to give up just yet.

They were having lunch together in the cafeteria sitting side by side, with a table to themselves, and their food laid out in front of them.  Cosima had been provided with more soup from Alison (who had forgiven her for forgetting her birthday), and Delphine had made herself a peppered beef sandwich with salad.  It was, perhaps, the best lunch they had both had in a long time.  They do say that food’s taste improves with good company.

“Have you got any plans for tonight?” Cosima asked, smiling cheekily at the blonde woman.

“Oh… err… yes, I’m sorry, I do…”

“You serious?  Darn, I’d gotten my hopes up.  What is it you’re doing then?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to see the look on your face!” Delphine laughed, clearly enjoying what must have been a dreadfully crestfallen look displayed on Cosima’s visage.

“Oh, you sneaky asshole!” Cosima couldn’t help but laugh too.

“What did you have in mind for tonight, then?” Delphine nudged her.

“Hmmm…” Cosima paused for dramatic effect.

“Cosima I know you’ve been thinking about it all morning.  If you don’t have an itinerary for the evening with an index for reference stored in your mind somewhere, my name is Quasimodo and I live in the bell tower of the Notre Dame.”

“Well, that’s not _impossible…_ ”

That earnt her a soft slap on her arm from Delphine, even though she was smiling.

“But yeah, in all honesty, I have the most amazing night all planned out.  It’s ready to go, as soon as you say yes.”

They were interrupted by Cosima’s phone ringing.  It was Scott.  _Why didn’t he just come here?_

She apologised to Delphine and answered the phone.

“Yo dude, what’s up?”

“Uhhh… a _major_ crisis here in your office, Cos.” He was speaking hurriedly under his breath.

“What?”

“Hurry here, please, there’s someone who wants to see you.”

“Can it wait til after my lunch?”

“Cosima _please_ hurry, there’s no saying what she’s already got from us – she just waltzed in here, unannounced.  I don’t know- oh just _please!”_

 _“Jeez_ , okay, Scotty, I’m on my way!”

She rose, and looked at Delphine, then said, “I don’t know if you wanna come, but there’s some business in my office.  Intrigued?”

Delphine nodded, and they both packed up their nearly finished lunches.

They walked quickly, arm in arm to Cosima’s office, chatting about who it could be.  Marion certainly wouldn’t have come back; that would have been too embarrassing and entirely pointless, too.

Finally, they reached the door and Cosima opened it with her key card, pushing it inwards.

She walked into the room, Delphine just behind her, and came to a stop when she saw the large floppy hat, the stylish clothes and the straight, blonde hair; the owner of them all turning to look at them as they arrived, but she wasn’t the one to recognise her first.

“Shay?” Delphine asked, incredulous.

_Boy, how many more times is she going to do that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I root for Cophine.  
> It may not seem like it, but I really do.  
> Honestly.


	22. What Goes Up Must Come Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Wow, that episode was intense!  
> Here, have another chapter! Just as twisty as the show, I reckon ;)  
> Thanks for staying with me this far, I love every single one of you!
> 
> HermioneSpencer

“Shay?” Cosima echoed her girlfriend, nonplussed.

She didn’t know who she should look at; which was more shocking? Was it Shay’s return after _years_ , or Delphine’s acquaintance (and possibly something more) with Cosima’s ex?

“Hey, Cosima…” Shay answered, but she was looking at Delphine as she spoke. This was too much.

“ _Hey?_ That’s all you have to say to me after five years?” Cosima asked bluntly. Shay looked at the brunette, insulted.

“It’s not like _I_ asked for it to be that long, Cosima. _You_ were the one who wanted to end it. _Demanded_ it, if I remember correctly.”

Delphine and Scott had gravitated towards the door, and they were just opening it when Cosima stopped them.

“Delphine? Where are you going?” she asked the blonde, panic seeping into her voice. 

“We don’t want to intrude…” her girlfriend responded quietly, remaining in the frame of the door, undecided.

“No, come back!” Cosima nearly shouted. She had said it rudely, but she knew that she needed the blonde there more than she could articulate. Delphine seemed to make her feel calm, despite the circumstances.

“Are you sure…?” the gap she left where she usually ended with an endearment felt jarring to Cosima. She gave the Frenchwoman a pleading look that Shay couldn’t see. Delphine and Scott slowly stepped back into the office.

“Uhh, Cosima, I really wanted to talk to you alone, actually.” The shorter woman said, looking at Delphine somewhat snidely.

Cosima looked at her, suspicious.

“Whatever you have to say, you can say it to Delphine, too.”

“Uh-” Shay was about to protest again when she saw the look that Cosima threw in Delphine’s direction. Her mouth opened slightly and she looked hurt. “Oh. I see. Okay.” _How dare she look hurt? She left me!_

Everyone in the room stood in a painful silence, waiting for something to happen, but no one was willing to make the first move. Cosima relented.

“Do you wanna sit?”

She knew that Shay didn’t, but she moved to sit on one of her sofas anyway. Shay took the opposite one. Scott elected to sit on the chair at his desk, watching the horror from afar but eyeing Shay suspiciously. Cosima expected Delphine to sit next to her, and she did so, but only in the loosest of terms. She sat on the opposite end of the sofa that Cosima sat on and pushed up against the arm of the seat.

Cosima was beginning to worry that she wasn’t the only one who had a history with Shay. The thought sent a small shudder through her body that she couldn’t hide very well, but she didn’t press the issue. There were, clearly, more important things at hand.

Cosima looked at Shay, one eyebrow raised and her lips pursed.

“You’d better hurry up and start talking, Shay, because all of a sudden, a very good day has turned very sour.”

Shay didn’t succeed in hiding the hurt on her face yet again. Cosima would have felt bad if it hadn’t been for the complete lack of warning she’d received. Maybe she would have been more accommodating if she could have mentally prepared herself before Shay's arrival.

“I’ve come back.” Panic shot through Cosima but she did her best to hide it.

“I can see that.” She answered sarcastically. She waited for Shay to tell her more.

“Cosima, I need an assurance from you before I say anything, that you trust everyone in this room wholeheartedly.” Cosima blinked at her. That could have been a dig at either Scott or Delphine (she assumed the latter), or she was genuinely concerned. Cosima’s eyes did not waver as they maintained their gaze on Shay.

“The only person I don’t trust here is you.”

Shay sighed, closing her eyes.

“Childish as that is, I suppose it’s good enough.” She shot a dark glance at Delphine, dripping with hostility and suspicion, but the Frenchwoman returned the shade with just as much intensity.

“Why are you here, Shay?” Cosima asked impatiently.

“Okay, fine. I was getting suspicious about my work at DYAD. I was beginning to notice unusual things-”

“Like what?” Cosima asked.

“Please, Cosima. Let me talk.” Cosima nodded slowly, biting the inside of her cheek. “Information was coming from nowhere, results materialised from tests we had never had the equipment to run, and blood sample analyses were appearing from women who live in a whole other city… Toronto. I dig some digging when my boss told me it was just a branch they had set up there. I dug where I really shouldn’t have. I found… texts and calls on my boss’ phone and he had some emails and notes stored on his computer. I found out that he was getting this information from a research-come-medical company called Topside. I didn’t know what Topside was, so I dug a little _deeper_. Turns out, my ex-girlfriend moved faster than I expected.” She looked at Delphine, her double meaning lost on nobody in the room, not even Scott.

Cosima heard a small puff of air escape from Delphine’s lips. Cosima wanted to reach out a hand to her but she was too – unnaturally – far away from her. Sha chanced a quick glance at her girlfriend, but the blonde was looking resolutely at the floor now, her brows furrowed.

“Yeah. I did, Shay. It’s a nice set up here, right? _Turns out_ , someone simply underestimated my abilities.” She glared at Shay and spoke the words through her teeth.

“I didn’t come here to have that argument with you, Cosima. I’m here – at my own risk – to tell you that your company is having its information leaked – why aren’t you concerned about that? Cosima, _there’s a spy in Topside._ ”

Cosima smirked almost triumphantly. It was childish, but this small victory felt _really_ good.

“You don’t need to worry about that. We’ve got it under control.”

“Really?” Shay looked surprised but unconvinced.

“Yeah, totally. Delphine’s the spy.”

Shay’s eyes rained thunder down on Frenchwoman, who took it nobly, facing Shay head on. Through gritted teeth, the shorter woman spoke.

“If you _know_ that, then why is she still here?”

“Because Delphine is a double agent. She’s feeding them false information.”

Shay’s face was impassive, but before anyone had time to register what was going on, she had pulled a pistol out of her handbag, aiming it directly at Delphine.

The curly haired blonde flinched and a tiny whimper escaped her as she every so slightly curled into herself, and Cosima shot up. She stood just in front of Delphine, putting herself between her girlfriend and the gun. She reached out a hand behind her and felt Delphine cling on to it, squeezing it tightly. Scott had stumbled off his chair and was slowly approaching the mess.

“Holy _shit_ , Shay! What the _fuck_?! Put the gun _down_! _Now_!” She hissed at the woman in front of her, who was now pointing the gun straight at Cosima’s chest. Cosima tried to catch her eye contact, but Shay was beginning to move slightly so that she could train the gun on Delphine once more. Cosima followed her, and eventually, Delphine stood up. She moved Cosima out of the way and simply stood, waiting to see what Shay would do. She didn’t shoot, but the gun remained aimed at her.

Once a precarious stalemate had settled upon the room, Shay finally spoke.

“If Delphine is a double agent and feeding DYAD false information, then how do you explain Leekie getting his hands on a gene therapy cure?

Cosima froze. Everyone looked at Delphine, waiting for her to explain. Cosima didn’t see a guilty face or a smug one. She saw a mix of emotions, yes, but those did not feature. Confusion, worry, anger, fury, fear.

Cosima _needed_ to know what was going on here.

“Delphine…?” she asked slowly, still aware of the gun trained on her girlfriend.

Delphine looked at her, those large eyes somehow even larger.

“Cosima, I told Leekie _nothing_ about a cure! I swear it to _all_ of you! I have been sending Leekie fabricated details for _weeks_ now!” She looked entirely helpless, and Cosima wanted to believe her so badly, but she knew that Delphine was good at using her puppy eyes. This wasn’t something that could be so easily brushed aside. She needed to diffuse the situation before something terrible happened, though. Shaking, and very panicked, she turned to Shay.

“Shay…” she spoke slowly, trying to appease the woman, “this is not the time to be pointing a gun at someone… Just because you’re jealous, doesn’t mean that she’s betrayed me… put the fucking gun _down_ , for the love of Peter Pan…” Shay scowled, but she slowly lowered the gun. Everyone visibly relaxed, their shoulders losing a lot of tension. Cosima took the gun from Shay, who reluctantly let it go. She turned on Delphine before she had time to recover from the initial fear of having a gun pointed at her.

“Delphine… sit down. You too, Shay.” Her voice was hard. Possibly _too_ hard, but she couldn’t risk missing something.

Delphine sat down immediately, clearly terrified by the change in Cosima.

“Cosima, I _swear_ , I changed sides, and I haven’t gone back! You _know_ I hate Leekie! You _know_ that I’d never go back to him!” Cosima was still standing, as was Shay.

“Shay, I said _sit down_!” Shay fumed, but she dropped to the sofa anyway. Cosima put a hand to her forehead. She could feel tears threaten to pass the threshold of their ducts, but taking a few breaths seemed to be effective in holding them at bay for a while. She stood between the two sofas, so that she had Shay on the right sofa, Delphine on her left, and Scott half sitting, half standing on his chair at his desk as he watched everything that was happening.

“Okay. Shay, I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you. How do I know you haven’t come here to spy for Leekie yourself? You could be bluffing. You could just- take off again once you have the _actual_ cure.”

“Cosima, I left to _find_ a cure. Why would I come back to just _steal_ it from you when- we both why I went to get it in the first place!”

“No, Shay. You work for DYAD now. The moment you left me, you became theirs.”

“How can you _say_ that?” Shay began to shout, rising from the sofa. “Do you-”

“ _Do not get back up, Shay, or I swear I will shoot your fucking foot!”_ Shay sat down again, clearly perturbed by Cosima’s behaviour.

“Cosima! Do you realise what I’ve _done_ by coming to warn you about this? I’m being _followed_ by men with guns and _more_! I am afraid for my _life_ , and all I get is you telling me you’re going to shoot my _foot_? I’m beginning to wonder why I bothered coming at all when you refuse to change your views on the decisions I made.”

Cosima looked at Delphine and was startled to see tears flowing freely from the woman’s eyes. She had a hand over her mouth and was looking at Cosima very strangely, her head cocked to the side. She looked back at Shay.

“You can hardly complain about that, Shay. I told you my plans, and you left anyway!”

“Because I was worried about you!”

“NO! Shay!” Cosima held the gun in her hand still and was shouting loudly. “No, you left because you didn’t _trust_ me!”

“Stop, Cosima! I don’t _care_ about what you think anymore! I'm just here because Leekie has your cure, and now he has what he wants, he doesn’t _need_ you anymore! Don’t you see how _important_ that is?”

“Shay, you’re talking shit! We don’t _have_ a cure! The ‘ _cure_ ’ we have isn’t even a full cure yet! It’s complete theory alone! We’ve got _one_ woman into remission, Shay. One! _How_ can Leekie have a cure from _us_?”

“I don’t _mean_ a real _cure_ , Cosima! I mean the gene therapy plans for the cure! He has enough to get DYAD to finish it - he doesn't need to wait for your 'tailored' doses. Look, I did enough digging to know that you’re _already_ started working on making one for a woman named Krystal Goderitch, who lives here in Toronto-”

“Leave Krystal out of this.” Delphine had spoken up, her voice almost a growl.

Cosima turned to the Frenchwoman, whose tears had finally stopped.

“Okay, I think it’s your turn to talk.”

Delphine swallowed, and waited for Cosima to ask her something.

“How do I know you’re not some… bullshit triple agent, Delphine?” Cosima couldn’t bear the thought of it, the woman she loved betraying her.

“Cosima! I don’t know! I don’t know how I prove it to you! What am I supposed to say? You've been with me nearly the whole time since you told me you knew I was a spy! Read my texts! Check my emails! You’ll see that everything I have sent him is false!” Cosima bit her lip and then looked up at Scott.

“Can you log out of your computer, please?” she asked him, and he practically fell off his chair in his hurry to do what Cosima said. She was scaring everyone, it seemed. Hating herself, she ordered the two women around. “Both of you stand up. Walk over to the computer, but don’t touch _anything._ ” They quickly did as bid and walked over to the computer, Cosima following them.

Delphine looked at Cosima, her eyes terrified. There was, however, a quiet confidence that told Cosima that Delphine was sure they would find nothing. Oh God, how she hoped so. The Frenchwoman's eyes flicked to Cosima’s chest. Cosima snorted internally, wondering how Delphine could think of her body at a time like this. Delphine’s eyes weren’t lustful, however, but slightly _scared._ She looked back to the monitor and logged on.

Everyone waited impatiently for the computer to load. It took frustratingly long. After it finally had, Delphine was about to reach for the mouse when Shay stopped her, calling out. Everyone looked at her, waiting for her to explain the reason for the outburst. She swallowed but carried on.

“I just think- someone other than Delphine should open the email? Scott. Yeah, Scott should do it.” The aforementioned man looked nervously at Cosima, but she shrugged the smallest bit and nodded an infinitesimal amount.

Scott swapped places with Delphine (the latter of whom didn’t protest) and opened up her email. Cosima watched him as he searched and chose an email. He read it, and Cosima came around to read behind his shoulder.

Her eyes flitted across the screen quickly.

She closed her eyes, her heart sinking. It ached as if it had already been shot. Cosima turned around. 

Slowly, she raised the gun with both hands and pointed it at Delphine.

_No one can be trusted. Not even the woman you love._


	23. Sonnet 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Today is Shakespeare's birthday.  
> This chapter was inspired by Sonnet 29, which I heard last night when BBC Radio 3 started their celebrations of 400 years of Shakespeare. Yay. He's a gift. It's one of Billy S's most... paranoid... sonnets, so enjoy that!  
> Also, I am getting confused with the date because my chapter numbers and the date have collided.  
> Thank you, Dear Reader, for reading my story and continuing to support it. It certainly means a lot.
> 
> Love,  
> HermioneSpencer / Edgar / Cody / And every other alias I have collected in my life, including "Oi, you!"

_“When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes, / I all alone beweep my outcast state,”_

Delphine had been forced into one of the patient rooms, locked in, sitting on the bed that was the focus of the room.  She had kicked off her boots, letting the cold air freeze her toes.  Why the doors had locks on them at all, let alone locks that could be controlled from the outside, was beyond her.  However, her mind was too preoccupied to worry about the doors.  It was more worried about what was going on with Cosima.  She had been here for hours, three, possibly four.  The brunette had locked her in here, thinking that Delphine _had_ been a spy.  Her emails had clearly been tampered with, and that had led Cosima to believe the worst.  Delphine wondered who had done it.

Most likely Leekie.

She wondered whether Shay was involved.  She didn’t trust her.  She _did_ already know her, and they _had_ become friends of a kind, but that frail loyalty went nowhere when Shay accused her of betraying Cosima.  She laughed to herself, knowing that she did very nearly do just that, but that didn’t change matters.  Shay had planted the seed of doubt in Cosima’s mind, which had landed Delphine in a sort of cell, however loosely that term could be used.

She tried the main door again, her mind running back to that dreadful party that had changed her life.  She rattled the handle repeatedly, attempting to get out.  She didn’t know what she would do when she got out, but the idea of being trapped in a room again made her mind begin to spin.  Her head began to hurt, her eyes began to go dark and she lost her balance a little.

_No._

She shook her head, clearing the murk away, and forced herself to pay attention.  She mustn’t miss out on a single second of consciousness.  She had to face up to the circumstances.  She couldn’t black out of this one.  She turned to the second door in the room.  It could have been a storage room or a door that led to another room, but she couldn’t know because it was locked.  As everything was, it seemed.  All of the smaller cupboards on the side were locked, every cabinet, every drawer.  Everything had a _lock_ and every _lock_ was _locked._

She reached for the handle of the second door, pulled it, pushed it, and kicked it as well, but to no avail.  The door was locked, and that was that.  She reached a hand up into her hair, but she knew she hadn’t put any bobby pins in today.  And even if she had one, she wouldn’t know what to do with it.  She wasn’t a burglar.

She sighed, and moved over to the first door again and leant against it.  She couldn’t hold back the tears.  Too many tears, again.  Heaving sobs shook her body and thumped her against the door as she struggled to deal with the emotions that raged through her body.

_“And trouble deaf heaven in my bootless cries, / And look upon myself and curse my fate,”_

Delphine knew it wouldn’t work, but she got up anyway and started banging against the door.

“Cosima!  Cosima, please listen to me!  I didn’t send Leekie anything, you _know_ that!  Please, Cosima listen to me!  Anyone!  Who’s out there?  Please, is anyone listening?”

In response, she got silence.

_Great._

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Delphine resolved to drink more water after this.  She couldn’t keep weeping like this and not replace the fluid that she lost.

“ _Merde!_ ”  She hit the door with the flat of her palm, and the slap made her hand tingle painfully.

_Why was I born?_

The idea slipped in through the back door of her mind and surprised Delphine as she noticed it sitting there, calmly sipping on a glass of wine.

 _Why_ was _I born?_

_Whose sick joke am I?_

_Who created me to laugh at me?_

_Who created me to give me my own life?_

_If we have a choice in everything, did I have choices?_

_If we have a choice in everything, did I make all the wrong ones?_

_If we have a choice in everything, why does it feel like I have never had control?_

_Why does it feel like everything has been decided for me, dictated by a cruel author, writing my fate?_

Delphine moved back to the bed and sat, thinking furiously.

Her whole life, everything had been decided for her.  The only decision she had ever truly made herself was following the path of medicine and that had led her to more decisions being made for her.  Had she ever had a choice with Leekie?  Was there ever a moment in which she could have said, emphatically, _no_ , and actually have him listen to her, leaving her alone for good?

With her whole life to see the common trends, Delphine decided that Leekie listening to her would never be an option. It never had been, either.

She sat on the bed and cursed herself, cursed her life, cursed her inability to take control of anything that happened to her in her life.

And having shared her fear of lack of control with Cosima, the woman she hadn’t _chosen_ , the woman who had _taken over her mind, body and spirit_ , that woman had also taken her autonomy away and locked her in a room.

_“Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, / Featur’d like him, like him with friends posess’d,”_

Shay…

Cosima hadn’t locked her in a room.

 _Shay_ had.  That seed of doubt…

Doubt is powerful.

Doubt protects murderers in court.

Doubt incriminates the innocent.

Delphine wondered where Shay was now.  She tried to stop the thought, but she couldn’t help but see mental images of Shay seducing Cosima in her office.  Yes, they’d be arguing, fighting and sorting out their problems and fixing them.  They were probably having make-up sex right now, on one of Cosima’s sofas.  Her body bristled at the thought of them touching.

Shay and Cosima, fucking, whilst Delphine was stuck here, in a room meant for a dying woman.

No…

Delphine _was_ dying.

She was being split in two, mentally, physically and spiritually.

 _She_ wanted to be there, holding Cosima in her arms and telling her _she didn’t care_ about-

She forced herself to think of something else.

_“Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope, / With what I most enjoy contented least;”_

Shay had somehow managed to convince Cosima to trust her.

Delphine wished she had some way of being able to do that. 

Delphine wished she had some way of getting out of here, being as free as every other human being was.  She wished she was as free as Shay was, probably touching Cosima _right now_ in ways that Delphine never had a hope in hell of being able to ever again. She wished she could leave this room and _tell_ Cosima.  But she _had_ told the truth, and Cosima had still held a gun to her back and pushed her into the room, locking it behind her.  Leaving her here, alone.

She was totally alone.

There had been a time when Delphine would beg for isolation, for solitude.  It had been the one thing she would want, surrounded by loud, crying, moaning, swearing patients and noises that disturbed her.

But now…

Delphine needed to have Cosima there with her, now.  She needed it more than ever, and the brunette had enforced their segregation.

And yet, Delphine was sure that they were not that far away right now.

_“Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, / Haply I think on thee, and then my state,”_

A door opened somewhere and closed moments later, a loud bang resounding through an unknown sequence of corridors.  Then another door opened.  There were raised voices.  Delphine heard as they neared.  Finally, the door to the hallway Delphine was stuck in opened, and she could hear exactly what the voices were saying.  Her heart soared when she heard Cosima’s voice.  She sat up and hurried to the door, pressing her ear against it, desperate to pick up every syllable the brunette spoke.

“Don’t even try it, Shay!  I may have been an idiot when we were together, but I grew old a long time ago.”

“Cosima!  I’m trying to _help_ you!”

“Shay!  Do you remember what happened the _last_ time you tried to help me?  Do you?  You left me to get my doctorate on my own, claiming you’d return within five months and then left for five _years_.  I had to deal with _everything_ alone!  If it weren’t for my family, you would have _killed_ me.”

“Leekie got me to stay!  He lured me in with promises of the cure, but then it turns out he needed me on five hundred other courses before we could get started on the cure – we only started working on one about a year ago!”

“Lucky you.  I’ve had a year and a half to watch my hope slowly drain away.  But then Delphine came, and everything changed.”

The Frenchwoman’s stomach swooped when she heard the brunette say her name.  She heard some shuffling, and then the door somewhere to Delphine’s left opened.  She followed, the thought of losing Cosima’s voice unbearable.  To her delight, they had entered the room that connected to Delphine’s with the second door.  Glad that one of her numerous questions had been answered, Delphine put her head to it, listening to what was being said now.  There were more than just two people there, possibly some of Topside’s security escorting Shay to her new ‘cell’ just like the company Delphine had been gifted on her way here.

“Don’t tell me you _actually_ love her?  It’s so _obvious_ that she’s straight.”

“You know what?  Felix said that about you when he first met you.  That wasn’t the case.  He also said that about Delphine.  He was wrong about her as well.  It’s _none_ of your business, how I feel about her, but I’m going to tell you anyway.  I love Delphine more than I have ever loved _anyone_ , which is why I am so desperate to get to the bottom of this pile of shit.”

Delphine listened intently.  Her breathing started speeding up.  Cosima loved her!  And she had told Shay this, right in her face!  Delphine felt a large smile break out on her face.  With her ear still as close to the crack in the doorframe as it could be, Delphine leant her head against the frame and let out short but relieved breaths.

_“Like to the lark at break of day arising / From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate;”_

She started laughing silently, her body shaking but only a tiny wheezing sort of sound escaping her body.  She was slightly grateful, because if she could hear the shuffle of feet in the next room, then it definitely meant they would hear her laughing.  She couldn’t stop herself from letting her heart soar, however, and taking a moment to jump up and down on her bootless feet.  She punched the air, imagining Shay’s smug face get beaten to a pulp.  It made her happier, but she reminded herself that there was a conversation going on next door.  She returned to the interlinking door and pressed her ear against it once more.

“…Martin, what do you think?”

“Well, you can never be too careful, Doctor Niehaus.”

“Where, then?”

“Either to the bed frame or to… whatever you call that.”

“We call that a table, Martin.”

“Uh- oh.  I just thought you might have an official name for it.”

Some shuffling, and the sound of handcuffs.

“Cos, is this really necessary?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“ _Please,_ Cosima, I’m _not_ a spy!”

“Even if you aren’t, sitting still for a while will do you some good.  Now be quiet.”

Delphine heard people leave.  The door closed, and she realised where the steps were coming.  She ran to the side of the bed, but knew she wouldn’t make it in time to look nonchalant, so just sat down on the side.  She had just hidden herself behind the bed and was sorting herself out when the door opened.

“No, it’s okay, Martin,”  Cosima spoke softly, and she entered alone.  She heard her walk around the bed slowly, approaching Delphine.  “Del…?”  Her voice was tentative.

Del turned to face her, traces of her former smile still playing on her lips, but muted and small. 

“Shit, Del I’m sorry.”  Cosima hurried towards her and hugged her tightly, squeezing the air out of the blonde.  Delphine was slightly confused, but she hugged her back.

“It’s okay, Cosima, I understand why you have to.”

“No, Del!  It’s not fair on you!  I- I really don’t believe you did it.”

Delphine stared at Cosima, looking into her eyes, blinking as she slowly understood what Cosima was saying.

“You- you don’t?” she asked, her smile returning.

“Here – you must be really hungry.”

She brought her arms from around Delphine, revealing the remains of her peppered beef sandwich.  Cosima smiled at Delphine, who laughed with her.  She took the sandwich and bit into it.

“Please forgive me if I tell you that it doesn’t taste as good as it did at lunch.”

Cosima laughed nervously.

“Del, despite my belief that you didn’t do it, I _have_ to have the evidence to prove that to Scott and everyone at home.  I need to look like I’m doing the right thing; I love you, they know that, so if I just let you out on belief alone, it looks to them like I’m putting my trust in you blindly.  It really is best for you if we wait until we have the evidence.  Do you see?”

“ _Oui_ , I understand, _ma chérie_.”

“Delphine, I am so, so sorry that I have to do this to you.”

“ _Non_ , I understand.  Just… _Serre-moi, s’il te plaît._ ”  Cosima closed her eyes and nodded.  They both moved up onto the bed and hugged for a long time, clinging on to each other.

“Cosima, I was a decoy, wasn’t I?”

“I think so, babe.”

Delphine’s heart sunk.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.  You weren’t to know.  We’ll find the real bastard, though.  Together.”

“Cosima?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you’re sick.”

The brunette froze, her limbs locking.  Her heart, which Delphine could feel due to their close proximity, beat faster and her breathing quickened.  “I don’t know how I was stupid enough to miss it until now, really.  All the signs were there.”  Delphine laughed humourlessly.  “The day when we were with Krystal, and you were coughing!  It was right there, in front of me, and I was so oblivious to the truth.”  Cosima looked at her, eyes wide.

“How did you find out?”

“I met Shay five years ago.  We had both just started at DYAD… we found comfort each other, both being the only new people.  She opened up to me about her ex… who was dying… and she had come to DYAD to find a cure for her-” Delphine found her own breath growing shorter and more difficult to manage.  “And she told me about how her ex had demanded she end it if she was serious about going to DYAD.  It _broke_ Shay’s heart, but she loved you.  _Merde_ , she may still.”

“Delphine.  I love _you_.”

“I know that, _mon amour_.  I know.  And we will cure you and every other woman  with this demon of a disease.  Together.”

They lay on the bed in silence for a while, just holding onto each other, sniffling a little.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“I know why you didn't, and I’m not here to give you pitying looks.  I’m here to love you.  _J'en ai plus rien à foutre…_ I don’t give a flying fuck about your illness – I was already invested with Krystal and the other women.  Now I just have one more woman that I am going to help save after nearly killing.

“Delphine, remember what I said.”

“It’s what I do now that matters.”

“Yeah, babe.  I _know_ you wouldn’t dream of hurting me.  I… I _trust_ you.”

“I trust you, too.”

“And now, I have to go and calm down some people who _don’t_ trust you.  I’ll find a way to prove your innocence, okay?  I promise.”

Cosima left not long after, promising to return when she had sorted out her meeting with Scott and calmed everyone down at home.

Delphine was once again left alone, but this time, she was happy.  Munching on the remains of her sandwich, she considered her next steps.

_“For thy sweet love remember’d such wealth brings / That then I scorn to change my state with kings.”_

Even with everything that had happened in her life, Delphine knew that Cosima’s love was all that she wanted from it.

Whoever had made her, whatever her purpose in life was, she intended to make sure that everything she was, was directed towards helping Cosima, and getting revenge on the man who had tried so hard to separate them.  And for Cosima’s love, Delphine would do anything.  She would go through everything in her life again, just to have Cosima trust her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a voice coming from the connecting door.  Shay’s room.

“You really love her, don’t you?”

Delphine looked at the door and debated internally.  If she answered, she got engaged in a conversation she wasn’t ready for, but if she ignored her, then Shay would only continue to pester her.  The other woman proved that by knocking on the door.

“Don’t you, Delphine?”

Sighing, Delphine moved to the door and leant against it.

"You heard all that, did you?"

"Every word.  Do you love her?"

“Yes, Shay.”  She was silent for a moment.  Delphine heard her shift slightly on the the other side of the door.

“What’s happened to you since I saw you last?  You’re not the same.  You can hardly blame me for thinking you’re a triple agent.”

“I’m not different, Shay.  You just didn’t know me.  I was different with you… I was terrified of everyone around me, I saw threats everywhere.  I was incredibly paranoid, and that meant I hid myself.”

“Why?”

“I killed a girl, Shay.  Leekie covered it up and I became his plaything.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not, Shay.  You hate me because Cosima trusts me and she doesn’t trust you.”

“I love her too.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know how to make her see that, though.”

“Isn’t it obvious, Shay?”

“What?”

“We can’t make her see anything.  She hates people trying to force things on her.  She has to find everything out herself.  The only thing we can do is give her the time she needs to find it.  But she will, Shay.  She will.”


	24. Time; The Indefinite Continued Progress of Existence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning: This chapter makes mention of suicide, rape, and a brash perspective on murder.**  
>   
> 
> Dear Reader,
> 
> I finished a chapter earlier on today, so here it is!  
> Please feel free to tell me your thoughts and ideas about the story thus far; your reactions to the story are what it's all about y'know - without _you_ , my darling, this story is nothing!
> 
> Thank you,  
> HermioneSpencer

_When one has nowhere to be, no one to meet and nothing to do, it becomes incredibly easy to lose track of time.  Time was, indeed, created to sequence events, to give a perspective to the fleeting, fugacious lives that humans lead.  Antiphon the Sophist, in 5 th century Greece, held the view that “time is not a reality, but a concept or a measure.”  When considered, the debate as to whether time really does exist or not is as difficult to argue as that of the existence of one or multiple Gods.  If enough people believe something, does it become true?  If enough people join together to say they believe in something, one may be forced to acquiesce to their beliefs; Jediism was put down as an official religion because enough people stated that they followed the path of the Jedi.  Therefore, when enough people believe in a concept or a way of life, can we not say that it has gained a legitimately wrought existence?_

_Everyone believes in time.  Everyone lives by the_ concept _of time.  Can we then still deny that it exists?_

_The flaw in this logic, of course, lies in when people band together to enforce an erroneous or harmful logic.  Racists, bigots and people averse to any positive change… people who refuse to find the good in any person or situation.  If there are enough of these people, must we then give credence to the idea that any person should be less than equal to another?_

_This eternal, cyclical debate makes it very difficult to understand,_ non?

_And yet, time does not hurt anyone, does it?_

_Some people are lucky to think so._

_Some people are lucky to have the ability to perceive time as something so fleeting, something that there is never enough of.  Something that is fundamentally transient._

_When you are locked in a room with no ability to measure time, like I am, there is always,_ always _, too much of it._

Time had become a very old debate for Delphine.  There were days in her life in which she thought that it was a real thing, physical and trackable.  But there were also days in which she struggled to understand how it _could_ exist when the future and present were constantly getting smaller and smaller as they were added to the past.

She often wondered whether there was an expiry date for the future.

Was there a certain amount of future left for the world? 

_The Sun is a star… there will, without a doubt, come a time when it dies.  Life on Earth will end.  Earth itself will end when it is vapourised by the supernova that the Sun will become.  But will time still continue to exist, if it even does now?  There will no longer be life for anyone to measure it._

_I’m back, once again, to the idea that people need to believe in something for it to exist._

_When the Sun turns into a neutron star (and not a black hole, for it is not big enough) from its gravitational collapse, there will be no sun to count days.  There will no longer_ be _any days… just a permanent night, as space always is.  But_ is _it night, which is a concept of time, or just an absence of light from a dead star that no longer exists?  For a world, and a people, that will no longer exist?_

Delphine didn’t know for sure about the world, but there was definitely an expiry date for _her._

There was no way of knowing when that would be, but at this moment in time, she had lost the idea of a date or a time that she would cease to physically exist (for her mental degradation may have already taken place), and had begun to rationalise her demise as a thing simply _yet to happen_.

These thoughts entered her head and left it and returned again as she constantly moved from thought to thought.  She had nothing to do other than think.

The notions, ideas and concepts came in waves, overwhelming her, then receding and returning moments later.  It was… a cyclical repetition that threatened to wear her down until she was nothing once more.

She was bored out of her mind (or rather, into her mind), and there was _too much time_.  Too much time to think, to get lost _in_ her head.

That was dangerous.

There was a lot in her head that stayed hidden, just out of reach, until she returned inside and was horrified once again by the things she found there.  The most dangerous thoughts were the ones that she didn’t know were there yet, ones that waited to trap her and lure her into new ambuscades and pitfalls.

A loud crash and a curse from the next room dragged Delphine’s consciousness back into focus.

Once again, she found herself in that god-forsaken room.  She was lying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, unmoving.  Her feet were shoeless, protected simply with her thin socks.

She had begun to feel filthy.  There had been no opportunity to wash in however long she had been here.

Cosima had come back that evening, but _that evening_  had been a very long time ago.  Delphine couldn’t fathom how long she had been here, and she could not understand why Cosima was neglecting her so when she had made it clear that she didn’t think Delphine had sent Leekie the information. 

Had she been lying?

Delphine didn’t think so.

More muffled curses travelled through the door, into her – _ear canal, eardrum, cochlea, hair cells, neural signals, auditory nerve, brain.  Simply an interpretation.  A_ translation _of vibrations into something I can understand._

Delphine turned her head to the door to look at it as if she could see what was happening on the other side.

_“Fuck!”_

Delphine didn’t move.  She simply continued to stare, waiting for the words that were bound to follow, directed at her.

She steeled herself mentally.

She had been right.  Shay spoke to her a moment later.

“Are you handcuffed?”

“ _Non_ ,” she responded, “but I may as well be.”

“Bullshit.  You get to walk around.  I’m _desperate_ to move, but I’m attached to the freaking bed.”

Delphine was surprised that Shay couldn’t understand the relevance of Cosima’s decision.  She wasn’t intimately acquainted with Cosima’s side to her history with Shay, and she had only heard the blonde’s side in detail, but the reason behind her handcuffs was obvious.  Cosima had even _told_ Shay.  How dense can one person _be_?  To completely _fail_ to see the effect her actions had had on the brunette all those years ago?  To have no ability to really _listen_ to what Cosima had said?  _“Sitting still for a while will do you some good.”_   All Cosima wanted was to see Shay stay in one place, and not constantly try to move as if she were dodging arrows.  Maybe Cosima even _wanted_ her to get hit by those arrows.

Delphine was _sure_ that Cosima trusted her.

Then why hadn’t she visited in so long?  She began to wonder whether her sense of time was so skewed that only one night had passed and it only _felt_ like four.  She desperately wanted to know.  Maybe, if she could see the sky through the glass ceiling in the hallway, then she would at least know what time of day it was.

_Too much time._

Delphine stayed silent, not responding to Shay.  She had told her before that they had to give Cosima time.  Neither of them were doing anything else with their time, so they had plenty to give.  There was nothing else to say to the woman that didn’t make Delphine out to be superior to her.

“Delphine?”

“What do you want, Shay?”

“Do you know what the time is?”

“ _Non._   But you were taken out to use the bathroom not long ago.  Did you not see the sky?”

“That was ages ago, Delphine – they took my watch so I don’t know how long - but the sky was pretty grey at that point.”

“I don’t know, then.”

“How long do you think we’re going to be kept like this?”

“What makes you think we’re being kept here together?”

“You don’t think we are?”

“I don’t think anything right now, it was just a question.”

“Okay, if you’re going to be like that, then don’t talk to me at all.”

“ _Je suis navrée_ …” Delphine said, not really meaning it.  Her mind wasn’t ready for proper conversation.

There was silence for a little while longer.

“Seriously, Delphine.  How long do you think we’re going to be cooped up here?”

“Why are you worrying?  You are safer here than if you would be if you were allowed out.  DYAD is chasing you.  They may not think that you are being held prisoner here… if anything, they probably think that you came here to rekindle your relationship with Cosima... you could pretend that you came here to get the cure straight from her, seeing as I wasn’t doing a good enough job.  You may find yourself in trouble for leaving, but if you go back with a full cure, then you’re safe.  Maybe.”

Delphine rambled on, speaking the first words that came to her head, her filter not quite having kicked in yet.  Shay was silent, clearly thinking about the words that Delphine had said.

“And do you think _you’re_ safer here than outside?”

“I might be.  But really, I would rather have the ability to walk into danger than have someone force me to stay away from it.  I need to have that _choice_ … to stand on the edge of that cliff, and know that I could jump _if I wanted to_.  I need to have that autonomy that allows self-destruction if I so wish it.”

“You think it’s better to allow people to end their lives than help them get better?”

“I’m not sure.  There was a time when I wanted to die.  Some years before I met you, I had demanded it of Leekie.  I suppose that I would never have done it myself, and I am glad that he didn’t grant my request, because then I met Cosima.  But, I can’t help but shake the feeling that denying someone the right to make their own decisions with their life is more dangerous than letting them see the mistakes for themselves.  I suppose harm is different to what I’m talking about here.  We can’t learn anything when we don’t experience it all ourselves, and so I believe that preventing someone from making a mistake the first time is only postponing that which is inevitable.  The curse that we have as humans is that we can never fully understand something until we go through it ourselves.  Warnings and stories mean nothing until we are the ones sharing them out of experience.”

Delphine had shared enough.  She wondered why she had said as much as she had.  She supposed it was the foggy state that her mind was in.  She was going stir-crazy.  She stood up and stretched her limbs.  She walked to the main door and tried the handle, as was becoming her routine, but as was routine, it didn’t open. 

“Do you have any regrets?”  Shay asked through the door.

“Do you?”

“A few.”

“Is Cosima one of them?”

“Every moment I spent with Cosima, I will treasure.”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“Yes.”  That one word was enough to speak volumes.

“Would you rather have stayed, and risked her dying?”

“We both know I stick by that decision.  It’s just that I didn’t know what would happen when I got to DYAD, and I didn’t think about how Cosima would take it.  But I would try to save her every day again if I could.  Maybe, in another universe, I could have convinced her to come with me.  But she is too important...I could not have simply sat and watched her die.”

Delphine nodded to herself, biting her lip as she walked around her small prison.  Maybe Shay wasn’t as obtuse as she had first thought.

“But she was trying to help herself, _non_?  She needed her doctorate to begin her own individual research.  DYAD didn’t start the cure until years after you arrived, and by the time you started I had already left the Institute.  You could have returned to her and helped her here.”

“You think I don’t realise that?  But I didn’t know that she’d even got her doctorate, let alone set up a whole organisation.  And Leekie… I know I should take responsibility for my actions – and I _do_ – but he has a way of keeping you wrapped around his finger.”

Delphine laughed to herself.  She knew very well what Shay was talking about.  “How did you get away from DYAD, Delphine?”

“I didn’t.  Not really.  I managed to convince Leekie to get me a job elsewhere, but he forced me to make a promise.”

_“Delphine, do you remember your promise…?  When we parted, what, a year and a half ago, Delphine… you promised me that you would come to my aid if I needed it-”_

_“You forced me into saying that if you needed my help, you would come to me for it and I would give it to you.  You made it quite clear that I had no choice in the matter.”_

That was in the past, and yet it was somehow linked to the present through Delphine.  She still existed, and so the memory still existed.  And it was still as relevant today as it had been so long ago, and still affected her future.  She was waiting with bated breath for the day in which police came for her with an arrest warrant for the murder of Danielle Fournier.  Leekie knew she was a false spy now, it was impossible for him not to.  He must be polishing his statement already.  Delphine continued walking around her room, her legs growing shaky.

“What promise?”

“A promise that made me his slave even when I was miles away from him.”

“I see.  That certainly sounds like Leekie.”

“Yes.  That’s who he is, through and through.  A man who can’t bear the thought of letting someone go without some method of pulling them right back in when he feels like it.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

_“You know I can’t do that, Delphine.”_

_“I don’t care if you can’t.  I’ll do it myself.”_

_“That would be a very foolish mistake on your part.”_

_“Then stop me, like you always do.  Force me to the floor, to the wall, to the kitchen sink, to the table, or maybe even to a bed_ tous les trente-six du mois _.  Stop me, and I will have no choice but to stay, but you won’t keep me willingly.  I will make it as hard for you as I can, every day, and I will never stop trying.”_

_“I don’t doubt it.”_

_“But, Aldous, if you let me leave DYAD, and go to work at a proper hospital, helping real people and doing a good that I can physically see, then I will be much happier.”_

_Delphine could see the cogs turn in Leekie’s mind.  She_ had _to let him reach the conclusion on his own, but she needed to do everything she could to get him there.  “Personal, hands-on care is something I need, Aldous, to_ see _the people I help, and_ watch _them leave, in a better state than they were before they got my care.  Surely you can see why I need that?”_

 _She hoped that he could.  She hoped that he could grasp the underlying message of_ “if you do this for me, I will be so grateful to you that I could _never_ run away from you.” _She needed him to see that.  He seemed to be getting there._

_“But what if I get you this job, and then you run away like you did with that blonde bimbo?”_

_“Krystal was a mistake,”_ Krystal had been hope, _“and I realise that now.  I understand that everything you do is keeping me safe from Ferdinand and I know that he disagrees with letting me live, I do understand that.  But what is the point in keeping me alive when I am of no use to anyone sitting in a darkened room all day, looking at data that you have made up, pretending that you have given me real science.  Immunology is more than a piece of paper.”_

_“I hope you really do understand that you can’t run away anymore.”_

_“Oh I_ do _, Aldous, I_ do _.”_

_He paused, his fingers steepled as his elbows rested on his desk, lips pursed and one eyebrow raised, looking at her appraisingly._

_“I am willing to consider this.  But I have two conditions.”_

_“Anything!”_  Stupide!  Why are you so weak?  Fight for _no_ conditions!  Faible.

 _“The first is that you go to a hospital of my choice.  The second is that, if I_ ever _need your help, you will come to my aid.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I mean, Delphine… that if I ever find myself in need of a person in whom I can trust, then you will make yourself readily available to me.  Otherwise, I will go to the police and tell them that you killed Danielle Fournier out of jealousy because she fucked me.”_

_“Fine.”_

_“No, Delphine, that’s not good enough.  Say it back to me.  You know that’s what I like.  Full assurance.”_

_Delphine bit her lip.  Knowing she would do anything to escape this man’s clutches, she swallowed the tiny being that was the remains of her pride and spoke._

_“Aldous, I promise that I will come to your aid when you need it.”_

_“No.  Come on, Delphine… you can do better than that.”_

_Delphine wanted to curl up into a ball.  Her head fell.  She didn’t have the strength to hold it up._

_“Aldous, I promise to go to the hospital of your choice.  I promise that I will not run away.  I promise that if you ever need a person you can trust, I will make myself readily available to you.”_

_He hit his fist against the table.  “Come on!”_

_“I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!”  Delphine shied away from him, not wishing to be on the receiving end of those fists.  “Aldous, I promise to go to the hospital of your choice and that I will not run away.  I promise that if you ever need a person you can trust, I will make myself readily available to you.  Otherwise, you will go the police and tell them that I killed her.”_

_“Killed who?”_

_Delphine’s eyes closed shut tightly._

_“That I killed mybestfriend.”_

_“What was her name?”_

_“D-”_

_“Speak up, Delphine.  What was the name of the girl that you killed?”_

_“Danielle…”_

_“I’m waiting…”_

_“The name of my best friend wasDanielleFournierandIkilledher.” she sped through the last few syllables, hoping that if they were mashed together, it would be less recognisable as the name of the girl she loved._

_“Good girl.  And_ why _did you kill her?”_

_Delphine looked up at him, her jaw open.  Surely he had had his fun by now?  Her eyes burned, but he was looking at her with a harsh face.  She finally understood that he needed to see that he still had this power over her.   But there was no doubt that he did, she knew that._

_“Why did you kill her, Delphine?” Delphine’s breathing shortened._

_“Because- because I was jealous.”_

_“Of_ what _?”  he asked, his gaze piercing every inch of her._

_“Of the fact that she had sex with you.”_

_“Say it.”_

_“Because she- she fucked you.”_

_“Did that make you feel angry?  That I would fuck another girl when you wanted me all to yourself?”_

_“Yes.”_   No.  I am angry because you raped her.  You _all_ did.

_“Well then, why don’t you come here and get what you want, and solidify this agreement?  You know what that is.”_

_Meekly, Delphine let her head hang.  She walked around to the other side of the desk and stood in front of Leekie in the chair.  She waited for him to turn his chair to face her.  When he did, she felt the humiliation heat up her face, looking at the sign that told her he had been aroused by her submission.  He stood up.  Delphine moved forward, knowing that she would have to do it twice more if Leekie wasn’t satisfied._

_She kissed him, her lips wobbling slightly.  She schooled their oscillation and maintained their embrace.  Leekie’s hands found her hips and pulled her hard against him.  Against_ it. _Delphine’s hands stayed by her side, the shaking from her lips transferred to her hands.  She felt his tongue, harsh and demanding, force its way into her mouth.  She could do nothing but let it in.  She had tried biting it once.  She had been forced onto all fours and-_

Stay here, in the present, Delphine.  The present is destroyed and becomes the past.  It no longer exists, if you are strong enough to forget it.  Don’t remember the past, stay in the self-slaughtering present.

 _Delphine cried as he sat her on the desk, but she comforted herself with thoughts of that which was_ yet to happen _.  She was sure that he would no longer be hurting her in this way when she had her new job, away from him.  He had agreed to it; she would no longer be followed, she would be given her own life without spies, in a hospital, where she would be able to_ help _people.  She would begin her life anew, and work hard to become the woman she had always dreamt she could be.  Leekie could have his promise.  That was fine.  He surely just needed the confidence that he could reel her back in if he wanted to._

_Everything would get better, now.  She was slowly taking control of her own life, and if she had to be fucked one more time to get that, then she would – almost happily – give up her body to free her mind._

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Delphine spun towards the door, mid-step.

“Someone’s coming, Shay.”

"From which end?" She joked, the double-entendre making only her laugh.  Delphine - had she even found it vaguely funny - was too busy trying to work out who it could be to laugh. It didn't even make sense!

Had Cosima finally come to see her?  It didn't sound like it... the footfalls were too far apart - Cosima’s legs were too short for such long strides.  There were multiple footsteps, Delphine could hear as they got closer, so there were at least two people, possibly more.

She was pretty sure that they were male footsteps, but that could be her paranoia planting ideas in her head.

She spotted the opportunity and grabbed it.  The door to the hallway opened, and hushed voices confirmed her suspicions that they were males.

She moved towards the door of her prison, standing to the side upon which the lock stuck in the frame.  The door would open on her side. 

Keys jangled.

Footsteps grew nearer.

She couldn't hear the voices properly, as they weren't talking loudly enough - they were hardly saying anything at all.

She would have recognised Cosima's gait instantly, so the lack of familiarity with these steps unnerved her.

They stopped outside her door.

Delphine held her breath.

The key entered the lock.

She heard it turn.

The door opened.

She turned to look through the gap of the now opening door and was met with the face of a man she half-recognised, along with- yes!

The Sun!  Sunlight, sunlight, glorious sunlight streaming in from the glass ceiling, bathing the whole hallway in that blissful warmth that can't be found with any other attempt to recreate it: the heat that simultaneously warms your bones and lights up your soul.

The man facing her had his arm across the doorway to prevent her leaving, the two men behind him - Scott and another man Delphine didn't recognise, she saw - standing ready for a fight.

They seemed almost disappointed when Delphine stepped back, finally relieved to know, at least, that it was around midday with the Sun at its apex.

How long had it been?

She walked back into her room, not wanting to cause any trouble just yet, even though she wanted more than anything to lie down in the hallway under that gorgeous light, soaking in the heat, letting it recharge her body.

She watched as all three men walked into her room.  Her palms began to sweat, but she told herself that she was being ridiculous.  She probably didn’t have anything to fear from these men.

The man she had originally half-recognised (and now fully recognised as one of the men who had first brought her to this room) looked at her.  The other man stared too.

“Hey, Delphine,” Scott spoke.  He was standing between the two men, looking slightly ridiculous compared to them.

“Good afternoon, Scott.”

“I don’t agree with this, but Cosima has made it clear that she wants you moved from here.”

_Don’t think about it; just follow what happens.  Don’t overthink anything!_

“Oh,” was all she could come up with.

“We’re taking you back to your apartment, but we have to be careful, seeing as DYAD probably wants both of your heads, so we’re taking you in broad daylight.”

Delphine tried to understand what he meant.  Was he making a joke about their methods, or was he saying that he _wanted_ them to be seen?  She couldn’t be sure.  She stopped trying to think about it, and let herself follow what happened.

She was promptly handcuffed, but she was taken _out of the room_ and into the hallway!  Her panic at being handcuffed was calmed by her old friend.  She could feel the sunlight on her head, warming her hair and soaking every part of her body in sweet warmth.  When her feet were warmed by the sun, she realised at that point that she still had not put her boots back on.

Scott sighed when she told him, but went back in to get them.  She struggled to put them back on with her handcuffs, but her hands were still in front of her, and not held behind, so she managed it.  Shay joined her a moment later when the men went through the same process with her.

To Delphine’s childish delight, she didn’t look much better than Delphine felt.

“Nice to see you too, Martin.” She had tried to lighten the mood, but it didn’t work.

“Please remain silent until we arrive at the apartment,” had been the only response she got.

Before she knew it, they were in Topside’s garage, getting in the back of a car very similar to the one Delphine had been driven in by Paul.  It could have been the same, when she thought about it, apart from the fact that Paul, the gentle human Cerberus, was absent. 

Martin took the wheel.  Scott sat in the passenger seat, and the other bulky man sat between Shay and Delphine.  She wondered if he enjoyed being seated between the two women who had shared a bed with his boss.

The drive was short.

The walk was much longer.

Scott seemed to think that taking the lift was dangerous, and so they took the stairs, despite this being a building owned by Topside.

By the time they had reached Delphine’s apartment, they were all rather tired.  Delphine hadn’t eaten any food in quite a long time.  She felt quite faint.

There were two men standing outside apartment 324, either side of the door.  They exchanged ID with Scott, everyone making sure that everyone was who they said they were.

When Delphine entered her apartment, she was surprised.  It had remained more or less the same, but cameras had been installed at strategic parts of the flat, obvious even to anyone who wasn’t looking for them.  Delphine sighed, but this was better than the hospital room.  At least she would have a proper bed.

Wouldn’t she?

“Scott, where will we both sleep?”  Martin responded instead.

“Ah, we’re trying to sort something out, but at the moment, buying two twin beds would look very suspicious.  We’re all being watched, so, unfortunately, we couldn’t order anything.  For now, you will have to fight out who gets what between yourselves.”

Delphine tried hard, but she couldn’t work out whether he was being cruel or genuine.  Scott had the good grace to look embarrassed.

Martin kept his face impassive.

The unknown man couldn’t hide a snigger.

Martin spoke once more.

“We can’t stay long, Cosima will need us to pick her up soon, so we’ll leave you, but it is clear to you that you are under surveillance.  There is one door, in and out of the apartment.  Any methods of outside communication have been removed, and other dangerous implements have been taken away.”

“‘Dangerous implements’?”  Shay asked, “Do you mean in case we want to top ourselves?”  She looked at Delphine.  “Or each other?”

Martin cleared his throat. 

Scott chivvied the men out after an awkward silence and shut the door behind them.

“Well, I don’t want the bed.  I can only imagine what you’ve been up to with my ex on that.  I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

Delphine considered keeping the information to herself, but she didn’t want to be a hypocrite.  As Shay was moving towards the sectional sofa, Delphine spoke up.

“Our first time was on the sofa.”

The shorter woman veered away from it, spinning on the balls of her feet, breathing in sharply.

“I’ll take the bath then.  Bagsy first shower.”

Delphine let her have it. 


	25. A Shot of... Courage?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Dearest Reader,
> 
> I'm very grateful to you for following my story! I am still so wonderfully surprised by your reactions to my writing, and I am pretty much beaming all day every day now :p  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Love,
> 
> Hermes

Alison’s fridge was fit to burst with meals prepared for the week to come, stacks upon stacks of vegetables, spreads, sauces, cheeses and extraneous ingredients, all incredibly orderly and aesthetically pleasing, leaving Cosima with no doubt as to who it was that unpacked the grocery shopping; there was only one woman in the world capable of ordering vegetables by the colour of the rainbow whilst still somehow managing to communicate a sense of foreboding if one should touch the set up.  Cosima doubted that there would ever come a day when this fridge would not hold enough to feed the five thousand.  The dreadlocked woman also knew that their garage held more food that she could shake a fist at, lining the far wall, creating a sort of tapestry of Alison’s preparedness for Armageddon.

And yet still, with all of this food surrounding her, Cosima did not want to eat any of it.  Closing the fridge door, she ran her hands along the top of her head leading into her dreads, her fingers running through her hair.  Sighing, she let her mind wander from the appetite her sickness had stolen from her.  She tapped a random tune on the worktop of the island in Ali’s kitchen with her fingertips, the heels of her hands holding her weight, and then pushed herself away from it a moment later.  She moved over to the dining table upon which her laptop sat, along with Delphine’s printed emails to Leekie all staring at her, daring her to find the clue she needed to prove her lover’s innocence.

Delphine hadn't written them.  She could see that in the emails that were sent before Cosima had revealed her knowledge to Delphine, every email had been incredibly brief.  Cosima could see that Delphine had been a begrudging spy; the only words she sent were during explanations about certain hormones found in the blood samples and in detailed analyses, and yet after that, they were accompanied with ever increasing letters in the actual email, messages about what the sub-team were approaching and how Cosima had been revealing everything to them.

She looked at then closely, reading every word closely.

**Dr Leekie,**

**Following the development of Cosima revealing her knowledge, we have been introduced to the science, which follows below in the attachments.  It is far further developed than the research of DYAD, possibly due to the added benefit of Follicular Lymphoma being a single focus to Topside, as opposed to DYAD's wide range of research in many fields, and they have been working on it for a while longer.**

**The technology they use is very high standard.  As you know, I have not been to DYAD in a long time, and when I visited last, the concept of curing this disease was only just at its inception.**

**Once again, I would like to reiterate my thanks for you choosing me to undertake this job.  I hope I continue to prove my ability to you, especially now that we finally have all the information readily available.**

**Sincerely,**

**Dr Cormier**

“Once again…” Cosima read aloud, pondering.  There hadn’t been a mention of thanks in any of the previous emails.  Had she said it in a phone call, in that case? 

Cosima shook her head.  She was thinking as if Delphine _had_ sent the emails, and that was not something she wanted to fall into.  She was beginning to doubt everybody, but she wouldn’t let it touch her love for Delphine.

 _Everything_ about these emails was wrong.  The brevity and near rudeness of the early emails were contrary to the sycophantic, ingratiating feel of the later ones.  Had Leekie written them in an attempt to humiliate Delphine further?  What Cosima really needed was to talk to Delphine about it, to ask her whether Leekie would do such a thing and whether there was a hint in the emails about him being the culprit, or simply just to put their minds together and work out what had _really_ happened.

But, Scott had forbidden it.

How he had managed to make her acquiesce, she still couldn’t work out, but he had been incredibly forceful about it.  He had also subjected her to a sort of house arrest, saying that she was most likely a target now, which was why she was stuck here, in Alison’s house, which was ridiculous.  It was bad enough being under house arrest, but it was worse because it was with Alison.  Cosima loved her sister, no doubt, but it was _Alison,_ and around her, Cosima could do nothing right.

She was uninspired.  She _needed_ to do something.  Stagnancy had never suited her, just as being cooped up never had.  Mental stimulation was something she thrived off, and Alison’s perfect little house wasn’t helping.  She craved the orderly chaos of her own flat, her desk at work, _nature itself_.  More than anything, she needed to see Delphine.

“Ali!” she shouted to the house, hoping the other woman wouldn’t hear her.  When no one responded, she shouted a little more quietly.  “Ali, I’m going out for a bit!”  She walked to the bottom of the staircase and picked up her bag from where it rested.  She looked inside it, checking she had everything she might need for this impromptu trip.  She realised with horror that she was still in possession of Shay’s gun.  She swore under her breath and wondered what she should do with it.  She reached into the bag and pulled out the small piece, holding it loosely in her hand, looking at it intently.

“Cosima what in holy hell do you think you’re doing?!”  Alison’s voice made her jump so violently that had she been properly wielding the gun, she would most likely have fired it accidentally.

“Jesus _fuck_ , Ali!  You terrified me!”  She spun to look at her older sister.

“Yes, well, you’re terrifying _me_ with your _weapon_!  I do _not_ like guns in my house!”

“Sorry, it’s not mine…  I kind of forgot to put it somewhere safe…”

“Oh, _Cosima_ , you are so irresponsible!  And if you think you’re going anywhere – especially with a gun, then you are out of your mind.  It’s far too dangerous right now.”

“Ali, I’m going crazy here!  I’m literally just going to my own flat to work there.”

“I refuse to let you do that!  You’re _sick_ , Cosima!  I’ve _tried_ to convince you to go home in the evening and you still elect to spend your nights at Topside!  You refuse to take care of yourself, and so your whole family is doing it for you, now.”

“I don’t _need_ to be nursed like this!  Ali, your soup is really tasty, okay, but I don’t want it all day, _every_ day!  I _need_ to have some variety in my life, and not turning up for work is only serving to _piss me off._ I need to do some work in a place that I can actually get something _done_ , with someone who knows what they're talking about! _”_

“Cosima, I’m not naïve, I know that you are not going to be doing work wherever you're going.  You’re just going to be staring at those blasted sheets of paper as if by the Lord’s divine intervention, the answer will just come to you!  _Or_ , if I let you leave now, then you’ll go and visit _her_!”

“And so what if I _do_?”  Cosima asked incredulously.  “What does it matter if I go and see her?!  I hate the thought that Delphine is probably thinking I hate her right now because I haven’t seen her in almost a _week_ and she is being held in _captivity_ in her own fucking apartment!  _With my ex!_   It’s a shit situation, and I feel so awful for doing it to her, and the _least_ I could do is go and spend some _time_ with her!”

She turned and made towards the door.

“Cosima, I will get the whole family over here to pin you down if you so much as put another foot closer to that door!”

Cosima turned her head, looking defiantly at her sister.

“You are _not_ my mother.”  She slowly stepped forward, swinging the bag over her shoulder.

“ _Cosima, do not make me speak in italics to you!_ ”

“Fuck off, Ali!  I’ve had enough of doing it your way!  I’ve been away from her for too long.  Now I’m doing it _my_ way!”

“May I make it clear that _your_ way has landed you with _another_ spy in Topside, because you were lazy, thinking you were safe with your converted French Angel!  _Your_ way has left your health damaged by your strenuous work amount and your refusal to let Scott take over work at Topside!”

Cosima fumed, and turned back to Alison.  She trod closer to her sister, and her voice got louder as she went.

“I have _never_ let my guard down about spies at Topside, Alison!  It is my own health being put at risk, so not _once_ have I stopped being suspicious of everyone I am working with!  I doubt them all, even those I have worked closely with for years!  For fuck’s sake, Ali, I’m beginning to doubt _myself_!  I’m worrying that _I’m_ the one sending DYAD _my own_ work!  My ‘converted French Angel’ is the _only_ person I am beginning to fully trust because she’s _locked in a room where even the fucking bathroom is recorded_ and she couldn’t escape unless she threw herself out of the window and landed in a squashed mess on the sidewalk below!  She is the _only_ person I am sure of, and she is the _only_ person that I cannot trust!  I work hard, because if you hadn’t already noticed it, Alison, I am _dying_ , and I want to _live_ , and I am the only person I want to put that pressure on!  I couldn’t push that responsibility on Scott, letting him try to save my life whilst my mental ability is still perfectly capable of working out how the fuck I am meant to stop this cancer growing inside me!”

By now, Alison had a hand covering her mouth and her eyes were wide.  Cosima should have stopped but she didn’t.

“Now, I understand that you want the best for me, and you can’t stand to see your little sister work herself to death, but we are too late for that!  I am probably going to die whatever happens, now, but the _least_ I can do is spend every single moment of what remains of my life working on a proper cure, and make sure that I heal all the women who have a better chance of surviving than I do!  And if finding out who is stealing work from me and giving it to a man who will make it twice as expensive than it needs to be, then finding that bastard is what I’m going to do!”

Alison was crying now but her eyes were still trained on Cosima.  The dreadlocked woman pushed on, even though she was beginning to find it hard to breathe.

“So thank you for caring, really, but I do _not_ appreciate your inability to see that I _cannot_ stay here all the livelong day!  I am _leaving_ , to go and see the woman I _love_ because I’m willing to bet that we don’t have much time before I-”

Cosima was forced to stop, as she had to cough, her whole body shaking and being thrown by the force of it.  Before Cosima could register what was going on, she found herself on the floor, her body convulsing and totally, absolutely out of her control.  The last thing she heard was Alison’s cries of her name before everything turned black.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

If there was one thing that most annoyed Delphine, it was a barren fridge.

“Shay, did you eat all of the celery?” she called out to her new housemate, who was sitting on a footrest, still adamantly avoiding the sofa, reading a book.

“If there isn’t any celery in there now, I think the answer is pretty clear.”

“Well, you’re still just as charming as you always were.”

“Why would you even want to put celery in it anyway?”

“Because it’s good for you.”

“I’m not bashing the celery, I’m bashing the whole… putting it in _spaghetti bolognese_ thing.  It’s weird.”

“If you don’t like the way I cook, then make your own dinner.”

“Have you seen the fridge?  It’s practically empty.”

“Yes, because you’ve eaten everything in it.”

“Hey!  I had the celery!”

“And the peppers.”

“How did you reach that conclusion?”

“They’re not in the fridge.  I simply assumed that the _answer_ was _pretty clear_.”

“Forget bolognese then, I’ll have crackers and cheese.”

Delphine sighed, and continued preparing the bolognese.

Playing house with Shay was killing her. 

It was mostly because she couldn’t stop thinking about how it might have been more bearable if she was trapped here with Cosima.  They would be trapped, but at least they would be together.  She missed her so much, but by now, she was growing more and more stressed about her absence. 

She was interrupted by a knock on the front door, which was then followed by the person entering.  It was Scott.  He came in, laden down with a couple of shopping bags. 

“These are for you…”  Delphine beamed at him.

“Ah!  _Parfait,_ Scott!  _Merci, merci beaucoup_!”  He handed the bags over to her and she planted a soft kiss on his cheek.  He blushed.

She put the bags on the free space on the counter.  Grinning, she pulled out an item and held it up for Shay to see.

“Aha!  _Celery_.”  She emptied the shopping bags, delighting in seeing a vaguely half-stocked fridge once more.

“What are you making, Delphine?”  Scott asked nervously, his hands shoved into his coat pockets.

“Spaghetti bolognese,” she said simply.

“You put celery in bolognese?”

“That’s what I said!” Shay called out from the sofa.  Delphine began chopping vegetables again.

“Celery is 95% water, I doubt its flavour will bother you at all, Shay.”  She glanced up at Scott.  “Would you care to stay for dinner, or is that simply too absurd?”

“Um… no, thank you.  I came here because I have some news… it’s about Cosima.”

Delphine stopped, and slowly put down the tiny knife that was attached to a wire that stopped it being pulled further than thirty centimetres from the draw it was housed in.  Taking a few deep breaths, she looked at Scott again.

“What’s the news?  Has she found the spy?”

Scott looked at her, one eyebrow raised.

“Fine,” she started again, “has she found a _different_ spy?”

He swallowed and shook his head.

“I think I should let you have your dinner first.”  Shay walked over to them both in the kitchen area standing uncomfortably close to Scott.

“What is it, Scott?” she asked threateningly.

“She- she um… she had a seizure earlier on today.  She’s been in the hospital for the majority of the day, but she woke up about an hour and a half ago.”  Shay and Delphine looked at each other, both with fear in their eyes, mouths open.  “She um- she didn’t want me to tell you.  She told me that I had to take you groceries and tell you that she was sorry that she hasn’t come to see you, but I couldn’t do that.  Her family and I have stopped her from visiting you, and that clearly stressed her out more than we realised it would.  I wanted to be the first to apologise, and tell you the truth.”

“Is she- is she okay now?”  Scott shook his head.

“She won’t be okay until we find a proper cure.  That’s why… I’m going to go against everything my gut tells me, and I’m going to bring you both into Topside, and we’re going to make it okay once and for all.  Whether you are spies or not, is irrelevant.  I’m just desperate enough to need your help.”  He crossed his arms around himself as if he was trying to hold himself together.

Delphine tried so hard to stay calm, but despite her efforts, her voice still shook when she spoke.

“Scott?”

He looked up at her, and she put a hand on his shoulder gently, more to stop herself from toppling over than actually comforting him.

“You’ve chosen two women in the world who will lay their lives down for Cosima.  We will cure her, okay?”

He looked embarrassed but nodded.  He was beginning to understand how much time they had lost by putting two valuable scientists in a box.

He left not long after, claiming he was going to sit by Cosima’s side through the night.  Delphine wished she could be the one sitting by her side, but they were not magically released from their new prison; DYAD was still hunting for them.  Apparently.

Delphine worried about Cosima but knew that she could do nothing for her whilst in this room.  She just had to wait for tomorrow, when Scott would begin work again.

They ate their dinner in concerned silence. 

Or, they _did_ , until Shay spoke.

“I’m insignificant to her, aren’t I?  To them _all_.”

Delphine didn’t say anything, simply trying to eat her food in peace.  She marvelled at Shay’s priorities.  She was beginning to dread being around this woman.  She always ended up saying too much.

“Scott was talking about _you_.  She wants to see _you_ and they won’t let her see _you_ and it’s all about _you_.  She doesn’t want to see me.  She doesn’t even want anything to do with me!”

Delphine ate her celery-spaghetti-bolognese silently, refusing to make eye contact with Shay.

“You might think that she would at least want to _look_ at me, but she can’t even do that when she speaks to me!  She thinks I’m a spy, despite having pissed off DYAD and betrayed them and just-”

“Can you blame her?!” Delphine shouted.

“What?”

“Can you blame her for not wanting to see you?  Would _you_ want to see you?  _I_ don’t even want to see you, and you didn’t walk out on me!”

“No.  But you know what _you_ did, Delphine?  You did what _I_ did.  You _confused_ me, you led me on, and then you _ran away_ from me.”

“What?!” Delphine asked, her dinner quite forgotten.

“Don’t deny it!  You _know_ what happened between us-”

“Shay, absolutely _nothing_ happened between us.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.  Are you keeping silent so that your girlfriend can’t hear what’s up on the recordings?  Delphine, no one gives a shit.  I’m _irrelevant_ , and whatever history you had with me disappeared when you got into bed with your boss, but that’s okay, because she trusts _you_ and not _me_ , and I came here for absolutely _nothing!_   I am going to _die_ because nobody gives a shit about what happens to me!”

“Cosima is protecting you by keeping you here!  If she didn’t care about you at all, she would have chucked you out and expected you to make your own way home, into your own grave!  But she has kept you here – God knows it pisses me off that she has, but that’s just how it is!  You cannot say that you are _irrelevant_ because Scott _just_ told you that he is bringing you in to work on the science!”

“Oh, you’ve changed your tune!  What happened to the whole ‘let me have my own death if I want it’ shit?!”

“There’s a definite difference between forcing someone to their deaths and choosing your own!  If you _want_ DYAD to kill you, then tell Topside that and they will probably be happy to be rid of you!  But do _not_ say that Cosima doesn’t care for you.”

“Why are you trying to tell me she does?  You’re her girlfriend!  Don’t you want her all to yourself and to kill all of her exes like a normal person?”

“You’re ridiculous!  I’m telling you because I need you to stay and help cure her!  If admitting that she is still in love with you will make you stay, then that’s what I will do!”

Shay was silent for a moment.

“In _love_ with me?”

“Yes, Shay.  Can’t you see it?”

“No.  I can’t see anything anymore.  I’m blinded by lies and objectives and motives.”

An alarm blared in the hallway just as Delphine was about to speak, piercing the women’s eardrums and making them turn towards the door.

They both stood up.

“What do you think it is, Del?”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“What do you think it is, _Dr Cormier_?”

“It’s a fire alarm.”

“What do we do?”  She hurried over to the door and tried to open it.  It didn’t budge.  “What happens now?  It’s locked!  Are we just going to be left in here and burnt to death?” she asked, searching frantically around the apartment for some sort of exit.

Her question was answered a moment later when the door was opened by one of the men who permanently guarded their door.

“Ladies, I hope you’ve had enough to eat for dinner because we need to go.  The building’s on fire.  Please come with me.”

Delphine and Shay quickly put on their shoes and grabbed a coat each, then hurried out into the hallway.  This was the first time they had been out of the apartment and despite it being in the worst circumstances, it still felt as good as finally leaving the patient rooms.  New scenery was always a good thing.  They were accompanied by their door guards.

They made their way to the fire escape on their floor, and Delphine was shocked to see members of her (former) sub-team also leaving their own apartments.  She didn’t speak to them.  She wouldn’t have known what to say, even if they _had_ acknowledged her.  She realised that whilst she had been stuck in her flat with Shay, everyone else had been doing the same stuff as before, and nobody else seemed to have been forced into captivity. 

Thankfully, the guards had not handcuffed either of them as they made their way down to ground level, which was a small mercy.

People crowded around in the carpark, everyone watching the carnage as it took place; Delphine could finally see the fire now, it was on the other end of the building, but it really _was_ a massive fire. 

“Is it safe to be this close to the fire, do you think?” Delphine asked Shay.  She felt oddly calm, but she supposed that was because this building had become just one of her many prisons.

They were standing now in the middle of the crowd, the suited men standing to either side of them, effectively boxing them in the crush of people.

“I don’t know, maybe the-”

BANG!

Shay was shoved sideways by an unknown force, effectively crashing into Delphine, who only just managed to catch her.  The reason became clear a moment later when a pool of blood was made visible as Shay fell.  It was pouring from a large gash in her trapezius.  Slowly, Delphine lowered her to the floor, letting her rest on her knees. 

“Someone call an ambulance!” she shouted.  Well, she couldn’t, could she?

Merde _, DYAD really don’t mess around… the first time out in the open in a week!_

 _Oh… they_ flushed _us out…_

Delphine let the carnage around them carry on as she did what she could to help Shay, but she worried that her efforts would not be enough.

 _Whatever I do, they will still come after her._   _This was a warning…_ Delphine’s face paled. 

_I’m next._


	26. Turn to Face the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I wrote part of this chapter whilst watching The Phantom Menace. Sometimes, there just isn't enough time in the day, so one must multitask, amirite? I'm sorry it took so long, I've been battling an inability to sentence.
> 
> Love, 
> 
> Hermione (a.k.a. Toby Wan Kenobi)

“I’m sorry, ma’am, you can’t come in here.”

Delphine’s arm was pulled back as the rest of her body strained to follow Shay’s stretcher into the Resus room.  Mark, the guard who had clearly been assigned as her own, gripped hard onto her bicep, and the nurse closed the doors.  Delphine had been working in casualty for years now, she knew how it worked, but that didn’t stop her from wanting to make sure Shay was okay.  There was only so much she could have done with limited resources, right next to a burning building, and she wanted to make sure that the team working on her right now was doing it right.  She ground her teeth and pulled her arm of out Mark’s grip, but she didn’t try to cause a scene.  The other guard (whose name she had learnt when Mark had spoken his name on the phone was Styles) had followed in one of Topside’s cars, and he would be arriving shortly.  She didn’t much care, though.  Mark stood a few feet away from her, waiting for her to sit down on one of the benches available.  He had a spray of Shay’s blood over the front of his white shirt that went all the way up to his cheek.  It was horrific.  Delphine looked down at herself, checking how she had fared, having been so close to Shay as it happened, and seeing as the woman had essentially bled into her lap.

Her hands were _covered_ in blood.  It had dried now, sticking her fingers together and scraping off little bits at a time when the cuffs of her long-sleeved blouse (which itself was also covered) came into contact with her wrists.  The fabric was a dark shade of red – near brown now that it had nearly dried.  The patch over her abdomen was the heaviest, the blood still sticky and shining.  Her jeans were black, which was a small mercy, but that didn’t stop her from being absolutely sure that she must have looked like a horror story, or part of a massacre.

Looking down at herself, it was clear that she needed to get cleaned up.  She glanced around the waiting room she was in, trying to find a sign that indicated to her the location of a bathroom.

She turned to Mark, who had been watching her as she took in her appearance.  She looked at him and then turned, following the nearest sign she saw that highlighted the direction of a bathroom.  Mark didn’t ask any questions; he also needed to wash too.

Once she had finally convinced him that she was _not_ going to meet a murderer in a hospital bathroom, they went into their respective bathrooms.

Looking at herself in the small mirror that stood above the sink. Delphine could see that she looked… incredibly tired.  Cosima seemed to have this ability to get her to sleep, and when they slept together it was easy, but they had been apart for a week.  Delphine was finding it harder and harder to imagine Cosima’s body next to hers.  She had returned to her old sleeping habits… uncomfortable tossing and turning, scratchy sheets making her itch and not sleeping throughout the night.

She also had a massive streak of blood down the side of her face, undoubtedly caused by the blood-drenched hands (that were now leaning on the edge of the sink) brushing against her face.  It was a sorry sight.

Her hands smelt _so_ badly, Delphine was sure that she was going to be sick.

Hurriedly, she turned on the tap and the water began to run.  The heel of her hand had left a bloody print on the side of the sink.  She would have to clean it once she was done.

All that seems to happen was that the blood on her hands made the water red and yet the intensity of the red on her skin did not diminish.  She wondered how much water it would take to clean her.  It felt as if bathing in a whole sea would not get rid of this blood.  The metallic smell made her gag again.

She spent at least ten minutes washing her hands and the sleeves of her blouse (for nothing could be done about the rest of it), her mind still adamant that her hands were still tinted red with blood.  Eventually, it became the case that her hands really _were_ red, but no longer from Shay’s blood.  She had scraped at her hands so much that her skin was reacting to the irritation.  Eventually, she stopped herself from scratching before her hands started bleeding, spilling her _own_ blood.

She washed the sink and the tap, removing the traces of Shay’s blood that she had left behind.  Once she was done, she took a moment for herself, allowing her brain to catch up with the event of that evening.  She had come to the hospital with Shay because she had been shot.  Shay had been shot.  By DYAD.  There had been a fire.  Delphine had told Shay that Cosima still loved her.  Scott had come over with celery and news.  _Cosima…_

Wrapped up in her own worried thoughts, Delphine had almost forgotten about her possible-girlfriend.  _She had a seizure… Scott came to the hospital to stay by her bedside…_   She hurried out of the bathroom door and bumped into Mark, who had been waiting just outside.  She ignored him and hurried back to the doors that marked the threshold of where she was allowed to cross and waited patiently, knowing in her heart that she was right.  All she had to do was wait.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Her head was resting on the crook of her right arm, her left hand reaching out and occasionally stroking the hand that lay on the bed beside the woman’s legs.  Her seat was to the side of the bed, and she had brought it closer to allow her to rest herself, whilst still maintaining the proximity to her.  Shay was sleeping, but that didn’t bother Cosima.  She just rested her head, unsure of her own strength to hold it up herself.

She didn’t need Shay to speak.  It just felt comfortable, knowing that she was there.  She spoke, her mouth’s mobility slightly impeded by the arm she was resting on, but her voice still carrying throughout the room.

“I spoke to your doctor before he went to go and tell Delphine you were okay.  He told me that… had it not been for her, you would probably have died.  You would have lost too much blood before you got here.”

Her fingers stroked the index finger of Shay’s right hand.

“Why couldn’t you just have bled out completely, Shay?” she asked the sleeping, oblivious woman.

She regretted it immediately.  That didn’t stop her from carrying on anyway.

“Why couldn’t they have shot you straight in the heart, Shay?  Maybe then… you might come even halfway to understanding – really _feeling_ – just how much I hurt back then.  The thing is, you’re _never_ gonna understand, are you?  You are – and always were – adamant that you left to help _me_.  But you never helped me.  Not one bit.  I did everything myself.  _Myself_.  You left me to deal with my sickness _myself,_ Shay!  But here’s the interesting thing: my body started failing me… I _couldn’t_ do everything myself anymore.”

She moved her fingers to start circling on the back of Shay’s hand.  Her voice remained emotionless.

“There is one day that I remember most clearly…  I was getting ready to go to work at Topside – something I got myself, without you – after a particularly sleepless night.  I was so exhausted, and my breathing was so bad that I fainted when I tried to reach for the cereal.  I hit my head on the floor and got myself a nice little concussion.  Nobody knows.  I missed a _whole_ day of work, and _still_ nobody knows the real reason behind it apart from me… and now… you.  From that moment, I suppose, I started spending more and more time at Topside.  It was safer to faint at work and be found by those I work with than to risk brain damage, unconscious on my kitchen floor for a whole day.  I can’t remember exactly when it was that I started spending my nights at Topside, but that became a thing.  I was scared that I would accidentally impale myself on a knife, slip in my shower, or drown in my bath.  I grew incredibly paranoid.”

Cosima moved Shay’s hand and started making shapes on her palm, her voice still deceptively calm.

“You left me to deal with that alone, Shay.  And I spent a long time wishing that you would come back.  But now… I really, really wish that you hadn’t come back.  Now… I wish that you could have forgotten about me like I had actually come to believe that you had- you know, you never really ended it with me, did you?  All we had was what I said to you the day you left and your silence that convinced me that we had actually broken up.  But it was never _finished_ , you know?  Never _fully_.  I haven’t had any closure for five years.  I’ve just sort of… walked along on a tightrope, afraid that you’ll pop up at any moment and destroy this precarious balance I found for myself.  I wish, beyond anything else, that you could have understood that I wanted nothing more to do with you, that we really were over.  I wish you could have left me alone for good.  Can’t you see that it is so much easier to move on from something when it has been taken from you for good, as opposed to having it dangled in front of you, teasingly, _tauntingly_ , forever out of reach?  Some might say that that is cause for hope… but Shay; I didn’t ever _want_ that hope of you returning.  For me, it was the _threat_ of you coming back.”

Cosima gripped Shay’s hand now, holding onto it tightly, squeezing it.  Her voice grew tighter as well as if she was straining to keep some control over it.

“I mean, I never doubted that you loved me, Shay.  And I loved you too – we loved each other.  I know that.  And I was _so happy_ with you.  You were always there for me, from the day we met.  You were there for me… _with_ me… until the _one_ time I needed you most.  The happiness you made me feel is easy to forget when compared to the pain of that day, and every day after it.  The day that you realised it really was serious – that it was a real, incurable disease, and you could _see_ that I was getting sicker… that I was _dying_.  That was the day you actually _left_.  You took the job, and then you were _gone._   Pretending to yourself that you were leaving to take a job with DYAD that would “protect” me.  No, Shay.  You were terrified.  You were terrified of what was happening to me, so you ran away.  And… I hate you for that.  I hate you for it, but I forgive you.  I _hate_ you for leaving, but I _forgive_ you because I can’t help but love you still.”

Cosima started crying, her tears falling into the crease of her arm.  She whispered through her tears, “I forgive you…” and was then silent for some time.  Eventually, she spoke again, and she had maintained control over her voice again, but it was thoroughly miserable, and she wasn’t trying to hide it.

“Finally, I have managed to find someone who _does_ believe in me, who _does_ trust in my ability to cure myself – something that you were never able to do…  Delphine is unique.  She is _strong_ , so unbelievably strong.  But, despite _knowing_ this, despite _knowing_ how much she has overcome, I am still terrified of losing her to Leekie!  To _anyone_!

“I forgive you, Shay, because now I understand how you felt back then.  Delphine doesn’t _want_ me to protect her like this, but in my head, it is the _only thing_ that I am capable of doing for her!  I don’t have _any_ other skills up my sleeve that I can use to protect her from DYAD… from Leekie.  I am not _at all_ equipped to help her deal with everything she has gone through and only she can understand herself – and that is her responsibility as a self-respecting _human_ – but the _only thing_ that I can do to help her, is lock her in a room, which is _cruel_!  I have remained with her, as you didn’t with me, and I have told myself that I have done it better than you did, _staying_ with the woman I love, but I was wrong.  It’s not better.  Not better at all.  I have treated her worse than any devil.  I have abused her trust, denied her autonomy, and taken away her respect for me that I never deserved in the first place.  I have hurt her worse than your disappearance hurt me.  And yet… I _have_ to do it, to make sure that she doesn’t get shot, like you have – because I couldn’t possibly deal with that.  I really couldn’t.  I love you, Shay, but I choose Delphine absolutely, and I will _always_ make that choice.  I would rather you’re shot than her, which is a horrible thing to say, but… I know I mean it.  Delphine has tried _so hard_ to be the best version of herself she can be for me, _is_ trying to deal with her past, and despite the difficulty of doing so, she chose me.  What sort of monster would I be if I didn’t choose her back, knowing how much I love her, knowing how much I would sacrifice for her? I choose Delphine, I choose Delphine, I choose Delphine!  And I forgive you, Shay, because I understand why you did what you did.”

She couldn’t stop the sobs that burst deep from beneath her stomach, shaking her, which in turn shook the hospital bed that Shay lay on, still and sleeping.

“And yet, Shay… you’re never gonna let me go, are you?  You’re selfish – you believe that even after five years, you are still entitled to some part of me.  You believe that the past we shared has bled into the present, that our past is something _more_ than just… the past.  And in a way… you’re kinda right, I suppose.  I am who I am because of you.  There is a part of me that will always be… your creation.  We can’t _help_ but shape the people around us, that’s what comes of being human.  We are… epigenetically developed throughout our lives, and we, in turn, affect the development of others – that is something fundamentally out of our control.  I am proud, I think, of who I am today, and what I stand for – and I cannot deny that you were involved in that shaping of me.  But Shay, that does not – that _cannot_ mean that I am indebted to you.  I am myself, I am my own person, and I am _not_ someone to be claimed, I am not someone to be… _owned_ – _no one_ is.  Not _ever_. 

“I can’t understand why you won’t let me go, when I made it clear to you that the stake you claim over me has no grounds.  And, because you’re never gonna let me go, I’m gonna find it increasingly difficult to dedicate every ounce of myself to Delphine and our relationship.  I want to love her freely – but there are two reasons why I can’t… the first is my sickness, and the second is you.  I am never gonna be able to, because you are _always_ gonna be here, holding onto my ankle like a fucking tag.  And because I love you… I can’t shake you off me properly.  I choose Delphine… but I am bound to you.”

Cosima heard a sob sound from behind her.

_Shit._

She turned her head, but her neck was sore from having kept it turned the other way for so long, and she risked pulling out her cannula, so she had to move her head slowly around, to face the woman she knew stood there. 

Delphine stood there, leaning in the doorway.  She had clearly been crying for some time but had only been able to hide her presence until that moment.

Cosima stood as quickly as she could, but again, she had to be careful because of the large tank by her side, pumping oxygen into her lungs because she couldn’t do it herself.  Delphine had her face in her hands, clearly trying to stop her crying.  Cosima hurried over to her, but she was slow.  Delphine could have run away at any moment; Cosima would never have been able to follow her, but she didn’t.

They hadn’t seen each other in a whole week.  It was hardly the best way they could have met again, but they were both simply glad to be together.  Cosima reached her but hesitated to move closer towards her, worried about how Delphine would react.  Delphine noticed her hesitancy but smiled, eyes wet, and pulled Cosima into a strong embrace, her arms wrapping around the shorter woman and clutching onto her.  Cosima felt a knot in her chest release from the relief of having this woman hold her once more.  As she held tightly onto Delphine, not caring that her clothes were covered in blood, she had to ask the most pressing question at that moment.

“Why did you help her, Delphine?”

Delphine sighed into her ear, unwilling to let her grip loosen any more.

“I can’t find a cure myself, can I?  I need her, to keep you.”

Cosima looked up at Delphine closely.  Delphine met her eyes and spoke softly after a moment.  “I trust you completely, Cosima.  I do.  I know you love her, but I know you also love me.  We’ll be okay, _ma chérie_ … but our priority is to heal you.  We have to do that before we are able to move on.  Once you are healed, _then_ you can start afresh.  As it is, we need to get you back to bed… you need to rest, as does Shay.  We have a lot of work to do.”

Delphine helped Cosima over to her own bed, and Shay and Delphine’s guards made their way in, clearly seeing that the private moment had passed.

Both women knew that they could not spend the whole night together, but they took every second that they were given, simply lying on Cosima’s bed in each other’s arms, revelling in each other’s touch once more.

For now, each other was all they needed.  The rest would come later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My darling sister, [ Chamelaucium](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Chamelaucium/pseuds/Chamelaucium) helped push me through some writer's block. Just in case you want to read the message she sent me to help, here it is:
> 
> "Yes  
> SCOOBY  
> YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO GREATNESS  
> GREATNESS TAKES COMMITMENT AND TIME  
> THINK OF YOUR READERS  
> YOUR GROWING FAN BASE  
> THEY NEED YOU  
> THEY NEED YOU TO CARRY ON THIS STORY, THEY NEED YOU TO BRING THOSE CHARACTERS TO LIFE FOR THEM  
> ONLY YOU CAN DO THIS FOR THEM  
> SO YOU GO TO MICROSOFT WORD AND YOU PUNCH OUT THOSE WORDS AS IF YOUR VERY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT  
> LET YOUR MIND DO AS IT WILL  
> DON'T FORCE IT, LET IT COME SLOWLY, IN TRICKLES, FEED IT ONTO THE PAGE AND SOON ENOUGH YOU'LL HAVE A RIVER POURING OUT FROM YOUR MIND TO THE PAPER AND IT'S *YOU* WHO'S DOING THAT  
> BECAUSE YOU ARE GREAT  
> AND WONDERFUL  
> AND NECESSARY TO MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY WITH MORE COPHINE  
> THINK OF THE COPHINE  
> YOU CANNOT ABANDON YOUR READERS IN THEIR HOUR OF NEED"
> 
> I hope it worked.


	27. "Et tu, Brute?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> I. AM SO. EXCITED.  
> This is the chapter that changes EVERYTHING.  
> I cannot even BEGIN to describe how elated I am to have actually made it to this point, with readers I'm like, totally in love with, who comment such insightful, wonderful things!  
> This is a long-ish chapter for my standards!  
> It's already been a tough week, but the work is over (for like, one day...), so I decided to celebrate with a REALLY EXCITING CHAPTER.  
> Hurrhurr.
> 
> My sincerest love and heartfelt wishes for your nerves,
> 
> Beelzebub xx
> 
> ;)
> 
> P.S. There _are_ inaccuracies here about when hospitals would allow visitors etc. but let's just say that it's a magical hospital where good things happen, mmmmmkay?
> 
> Oh, and there is some gore!

Cosima’s phone pinged, reminding the two women lying next to each other on the brunette’s hospital bed that there was a world outside of their little bubble.  Cosima sighed against Delphine’s neck.

“Please would you see who that is?” she asked the blonde.  Delphine hummed her acquiescence and turned behind her to the bedside table that held the phone.  She stretched and picked up the phone.

“It’s Alison… she’s coming back?”  Delphine posed it as a question, as if waiting for Cosima to confirm that she had actually been there before.  Cosima groaned.

“But she only just left!  Ugh.  Read it to me?”

“‘Cosima, I’m heading back over to the hospital.  I’ve finally got the family sorted out, so now I have time to check on how you’re doing again.’”

“Oh for fuck’s sake… can you reply for me?”

“ _Oui_.”

“Ummm, okay.  ‘Hey Ali, please don’t trouble yourself coming over, I’m fine.’  I dunno, what else should I say?”

“Wait a moment, Cosima.  She says she has clothes.”

“Oh damn, I forgot about that.  Okay, that’s fine.  I suppose I can suffer her company for a little while longer.  Thanks, babe.”

“ _De rien_.  Does that mean she has been to your flat?”

“No…  Scott’s made me live with Ali for the past week.  Something about me being a target too, or some bullshit like that.”

“No, no, it makes some sense, I think.  I am glad that Scott has been looking after you.”

“Yeah well, we’d still be here, wouldn’t we?  If DYAD had shot me, I mean.  I’d still be dying, either way.”

“Hush, Cosima!  And whatever you think, Shay is not dying.  She is nonsensical, that I will admit, but she has lost so much blood – she gave it all to me – that it is understandable.  But you have been living with Alison?  So she has enough of your things to last you some time?”

“I suppose so.”

“That is good.  I was going to offer to get some for you, but now I have no such obligation.” She smiled at Cosima and then winked cheekily.

“Oh shit!  Wait, Scott told me about the apartments!  He was here when he got the news… I told him to go instead of sit here listening to me breathe because there are more interesting things to do in life- and he was clearly very worried about everyone.  I have actually given him far too much to do…  I feel so _shit_ for being so useless!  But that’s not the point.  I’ve just remembered that you have no place to go!”

“Oh… yes.  The east side of the apartment block was burnt down.  I don’t actually know how much of it is still standing… I suppose I _am_ homeless right now.”

“Well, Alison can drive you to my apartment...  You can stay there.”

“Your apartment?  Is it not in the complex?” Delphine asked, curious, believing that it should have been burnt down with the rest of the building.

“No.  Scott wasn’t happy about it, believe me, but I got myself a small flat away from the complex and the labs.  It helps to be surrounded by a different vibe when you’re off work, you know?  Sometimes being surrounded by it all the time just isn’t healthy.  Especially when your work is a daily reminder of your mortality.”

Delphine was half shocked and half embarrassed that she hadn’t thought to ask about Cosima’s flat before.  They’d only ever slept in the office or in Delphine’s apartment.  She was excited by the opportunity to see inside Cosima’s work-free living space.

“I see.  That’s sensible.  But, in that case, why do you have a whole complex dedicated to housing your staff?”

“I don’t.  I have one floor, and that is full of _your_ sub-team.  It was created for _you_.  We finished it a couple of days before you arrived.”

“Oh… then please, explain to me… why the marijuana?”

Cosima laughed against Delphine’s neck.  She kissed it before she answered.

“I don’t really know… I think… there was the whole plan that I had in my head of schmoozing you into having a crisis and stopping your spying – which, I suppose, kind of worked – but I think the miniature cultivation was there to kinda like… make you see that I’m a real person, with a real sense of humour.  I dunno.  It was kinda stupid.  _But_ … I am gonna get you _so_ baked one day…”  Cosima coughed a little and then didn’t stop.  She brought up a hand to her mouth, covering it with a tissue.  Once she was done, Delphine took the bloody tissue from her and put it in the bin beside the bed, and then replaced it with a new one, popping the clear canvas into the brunette’s hand.  Then she held Cosima tighter, wrapping her arms around the smaller woman, effectively hiding the look of anguish that marred her face.  Cosima didn’t need to see that. 

Delphine just wanted to remember how Cosima felt in her arms so that she could fall asleep again when she finally found a bed.

The phone pinged again, a few minutes later.  They were still wrapped in each other’s arms.  Delphine shuffled from her position a little and checked it, reading it for her girlfriend, who had fallen half-asleep again.  Having read the message, she gently removed the girl’s glasses, putting them on the bedside table.  She kissed Cosima’s cheek, and left the ward.

She returned, fifteen minutes later, with three cups of coffee.  She passed the other families visiting their sick relatives and made her way over to the sisters. 

Alison was sitting on the chair, simply watching Cosima sleep.  She hadn’t met Alison yet, so she was nervous.  Thankful that she had done up her black coat (which hid the blood), she approached the sister.

Alison was staring at the bed and didn’t notice Delphine until she was about two metres away, having walked the length of the ward that Cosima had been moved to.

She started, and looked up at the Frenchwoman.

“Oh.  You must be Delphine.”  She stood, facing Delphine and commanding her eye line despite being a head shorter.  Delphine nodded sheepishly.

“Yes.  I um- I didn’t know how you like your coffee…”  She gestured to the cups that she held in her hand.

“Oh, no, you shouldn’t have!” she said as she touched her own cheek.  “Thank you.”

Delphine held out the carrier to her, and the brunette took one.  Delphine reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a small pouch of milk and a packet of sugar.  Alison refused both.

Delphine placed one of the remaining coffees on Cosima’s bedside table and prepared them for herself and the brunette.  They sat next to her glasses.  She took hers and then commandeered the chair next to Alison who was now sitting once more, drinking her own.

“She was arguing with me when she had the seizure,” Alison whispered.  Delphine didn’t know what to say to her, but she didn’t end up needing to say anything, as Alison simply continued talking.  “She was trying to leave the house, but I wouldn’t let her.  She was trying to go and see you.  She felt _awful_ about leaving you locked up in your own home…” she trailed off, clearly unsure of what else she could say.  Delphine sighed.  Of course, Cosima would get herself worked up and damage herself in the meantime.  Delphine then somehow felt responsible for Cosima’s seizure.  It made her feel worse.  She didn’t look at Alison, just stared at her own coffee.  “I don’t mean to make that sound snide.  I mean to say that she really loves you.  That’s what I was getting at.”  Delphine glanced at Alison and saw that she had been looking at her the whole time.  She nodded at Cosima’s sister in thanks.

“I love her, too.”

“So I have heard.”  Alison took a deep breath.  “I have to apologise, Dr Cormier-”

“Oh, please do not call me that!  Delphine is fine.”

“Well, I have to apologise, _Delphine_ , because I was causing her too much stress.  Scott gave me a job, and I took it too far.  I think that I was given a job, and being so _useless_ all the time… it made me desperate to see it through.  I didn’t realise how much I was hurting her, not letting her leave the house.  Not letting her see you.  It must have been lonely for you.”

“Well, I think the word I should use is ‘uncomfortable’.  Shay makes for very… forceful… company.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate everything Cosima and her family has sacrificed in protecting Shay and me.  For keeping us in the first place!  I have caused more trouble than anything else, I think, but… there is no doubt in my mind when I say that I would do _anything_ for Cosima.  None at all.”

“That is very comforting to hear, Delphine.  We need more people on our side.  Whilst Cosima has been very successful with Topside and creating a company as large as it is, people still prefer to work for the larger DYAD Institute.  I suppose there is some attraction to a corporation that has much more money…” the implication was not lost on Delphine.

“I was not paid, Alison.  I have got no money from this other than my wages from Cosima.”

Alison blushed and put a hand to her neck.

“Really?”

“Yes.  That begets the question, ‘why did you do it?’ and the only answer I have for you is… fear.”

“Fear?”

“Leekie is a very intimidating man.”

There was silence, as both women sipped on the coffee.  A moment later, Cosima twitched, and both visitors jumped, worried.  They watched her to see if she moved again.  She did, her nose started twitching, and then finally, she breathed in deeply, and sat up.

“Mmmmmm… do I smell coffee?” she asked, following her nose.  Her eyes locked on to the possible location of the cup, her eyes blurry.  Her audience smiled at the sight.  Cosima squinted, reached out a hand, and successfully locked her fingers around the cup.

She took a sip and sighed in appreciation.  Then she put on her glasses, and saw the two women watching her.

“Oh shit.  How long have I been asleep for?”  Delphine answered for her.

“Only about half an hour, _mon amour_.”  Cosima nodded, and then started to get out of bed to greet her sister.

“Hey, Ali.  You do know that it’s like the middle of the night, right?” she laughed, hugging Alison.

“I am well aware of that, Cosima.  I spent at least an hour trying to get my children to bed, and Donnie was as useful as a slap in the face with a wet fish.  But, I thought you might need this.”  She lifted one of the two bags she had at her feet.  Placing her coffee cup on the bedside table, she was able to open the bag and show Cosima what was inside.  “I packed your toothbrush, toothpaste, clothes for a week – they’re carefully rolled, so _please_ don’t disturb that order or you’ll _never_ get them back in – underwear, and that book you love so much.  Oh, and pyjamas.  I’m not sure what else you might have needed, so just text me and I’ll bring them right over, mhm?  But you’re not going to be in here for that long, I’m sure.”

Cosima shook her head and sipped at her coffee.  Then, peering at Delphine in her coat, she turned to the bag.  Looking inside, she pulled out what must have been her floatiest, largest top.  She turned and handed it to Delphine.

“I don’t know how your apartment fared in the fire, but just in case… this is for the blood.” She said, winking at her girlfriend, who took it smiling.

“ _Merci_.”

“Blood?  What blood?  The fire?  Oh, Delphine do you have a place to stay?”

Cosima’s eyes widened in realisation and she turned to her sister, her free hand floating about as she spoke.

“Ali, I was wondering if you could drive Delphine over to my apartment.  Shay’s okay on her ward, and Scott’s sorting out emergency shit for the other workers at Topside- heck, he’s kind of doing everything for me right now – but I don’t know how hostile they’re gonna be to their boss whom nearly everyone thinks is a triple spy if she stays with them.”

“I can definitely drive you, Delphine, that’s okay, but please, allow _me_ to help you for tonight.  It’s the least I can do, and I can get you whatever you need.  But, I heard you say _blood_ , what did that mean?”

“Oh, _non_ , Mrs Hendrix, I could not impose myself upon you like that!”

“You’d do that, Ali?”

“Truth be told, I feel very guilty.  If I can help by being a hostess again, then I shall do it _right_ this time.  But _what blood_?”

“Thanks, Ali.  I really appreciate it.  That’s so awesome of you.”

“Please, what blood?”  Alison looked quite worried at this point, and Delphine couldn’t keep avoiding the question.  She put her own cup down for a minute, next to Alison’s and unbuttoned her coat, displaying the carnage that was playing out on her blouse.

“Blessed berry blancmange you look as if _you_ were the one who was shot!”

“Exactly, dude.  That’s why I gave her the top.”

“Well, please excuse me for saying so, but Delphine, you are in a very bad state.  Please allow me to clean you up and provide you with more clothing than one sorry top.”

Cosima raised her hands in a sort of surrender.

“Jeez Ali, that one sorry top is one very _nice_ sorry top.”

Alison blinked at Cosima and then proceeded to fuss over Delphine.

“Well, Cosima, now I have something to do other than worry about you all night, I shall go, and take Delphine with me.”  She turned to the woman in question.  “I am sure you must be famished by now.”

Delphine muttered something about celery under her breath, but didn’t elaborate.  Alison didn’t question her, instead turning back to Cosima after picking up her coffee cup once more.

“Please look after yourself, Cosima.  And keep your cannula on tonight!  I know you don’t think you need it right now, and I’m not a doctor, but even I know that it will help you.  Delphine, I will wait for you outside and let that awful man in the suit know what is happening.  He frisked me on my way in here, but if he tries to do it again, I will smash my freaking Royal Crown Derby teapot on his _head_.  You would not _believe_ how much it cost me…” she uttered vague threats to her own crockery as she left the ward.

Delphine gazed at her girlfriend, who was smiling her toothy grin at Alison’s back.

“She is a _real_ piece of work, Delphine…” she whispered, but her grin did not falter.

“I like her very much.”  Cosima met her eyes.

“I’m glad.  I think she understands how much you mean to me, now.  I think everyone at home does.”

“Have any of the others come to see you?”  Delphine asked.

“Yeah, they all came when Ali called them.  She came in the ambulance with me and the rest turned up about an hour later.  They were all super freaked.”

“I am not surprised.  It seems all very… sudden.  I didn’t realise that it was this bad.”

“No one did – not even _me_ , I don’t think.  I mean, I was finding it difficult to climbs stairs and shit, and I was coughing up blood, but I didn’t really grasp the magnitude of it all until now.”

Delphine frowned, and held Cosima’s face in her hands.

“ _Je t'aime_ , Cosima.  Sleep well tonight, and do what the doctors say.”

“Babe, I know more about this illness than _any_ of them do.”

“That confidence will not win you points with them.  You want them to _like_ you so that they don’t dread coming to check up on you, _oui_?  I will be back in the morning when we’re allowed to visit again, the _moment_ they let us in.  If I’m not here… then I will be…” she paused for thought, “…running to a faraway mountain, pursued by a bear.”  Cosima laughed, the sound music to Delphine’s ears.

“Okie dokie, Antigonus.  Just you _get back_ to me in one piece, alright?” they kissed, both unwilling to end the embrace.  Delphine clutched onto her lover, and pressed their foreheads together, as if their brains could fuse and communicate exactly what they thought without needing to say the words.

“Goodnight, _ma chérie_.  _Je t'aime avec toute mon âme_.”  Then, her heart breaking, she pulled away, picked up her coffee, and walked back through the ward, passing the few other people who still remained.  When she got to the door, she turned back to see Cosima on the edge of the bed as she watched Delphine go.  The Frenchwoman might have imagined it, but she was pretty convinced that she could see the brunette’s bottom lip quivering.  Wiping a small tear from her eye, she tore herself away from Cosima’s gaze, and left the ward.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Delphine stepped out of Alison’s shower, feeling delightfully clean.  She had spent an inordinate amount of time under the running water, but it had taken her that long to stop feeling as if she still had blood stuck to her skin, all over her body.  Silently, she crossed the hallway to the room that Alison had pointed out which would be hers for the night. 

She got dressed quickly, wearing a pair of jeans that she was told Alison’s husband had worn in his college years (that were far too small for him now…width-wise), and despite Alison having given her some far more practical shirts, she still opted for the comfort of Cosima’s top.  The jeans were slightly too long, so she turned them up at the bottom.  Slipping her phone into the pocket, she made her way downstairs as silently as she could.

Mark was sitting at the kitchen counter when she made her way there.  Alison was heating up some soup, and Alison’s husband, Donnie, was on the phone to someone at the dining table, talking in a hushed voice.  The children were asleep, so everyone was trying to be quiet.

Alison looked up at her as she entered, and indicated for her to take a seat at the dining table, where places had been set.  She nodded, and took a seat.

Not long after, she found herself sitting next to Mark as they both gratefully consumed the soup, which was warm and filling.  It made Delphine feel incredibly sleepy.  Only then did she remember how much she needed to sleep.  She had been awake for a _very_ long time.

“ _Merci_ , Mrs Hendrix, this really is very kind of you,” Delphine smiled at the petite woman, who was sorting through some papers that Delphine couldn’t see. 

“Oh, honestly.  Please call me Alison.  We are all here to look after you, Delphine.  That’s what Cosima wants, and so that’s what we’ll do.  In addition, I quite like you.  I think you have a good head on your shoulders.”

Delphine blushed and looked back down at her soup.  Mark watched her and nodded once when he caught her eye.

Maybe he wasn’t all that bad, after all.

The phone in her pocket started buzzing.  Minding her manners, she was loath to answer it, but Donnie was still talking at the end of the table to his unknown contemporary, so she brought out the phone and looked at the screen.  There was no caller ID but she answered it anyway, pulling it up to her ear.

“ _Allô?_ ” she asked quietly to the fuzzy, crackling line.  The static on the phone was her only answer.  “ _Allô?_   Who is it?”

“ _Speaker… put me… on speaker…_ ” Delphine couldn’t recognise the voice, but it sounded like they were severely out of breath. 

“One- One moment,” she responded.  Whoever this was, they wanted other people to hear it.  Did that mean they had something to reveal about her?  “Who is it?” she asked, needing to make sure that it wasn’t someone with malicious intent.

“ _It’s Scott!  Please… put me- on_ speaker!  _I have to- tell you all…_ ”  Delphine was very confused, but she indicated for everyone to listen in.  Scott’s voice was pained and struggling.

Mark had been paying close attention, but he was fully aware now.  Alison hurried over, and Donnie ended his call hurriedly.

“Scott, you have your audience now.  What’s wrong?  What is happening?  Are you alright?”

“ _Delphine, I’m at- Topside-_ ” he was definitely in pain; his breathing was shallow and rasping, and it sounded as if he was clenching his jaw as he spoke.  Everyone listened intently, all of them worried.  “ _I was- setting up the labs… for tomorrow – no,_ today _– not important- I’m in the carpark-_ ” he groaned, his pain sounding through the house, “ _I saw someone- Delphine- I tried… I tried to stop them- unngh- they- they-_ ” his speech was interrupted again by a strange whimpering sound.  “ _I called… fire brigade- too busy right now- apartment block- Topside… fire- need you- can’t tell Cosima-_ ” a loud bang cut off his words, followed by a cry and then a muffled jumble of noises sounded through Delphine’s phone, until there was a crunch, some scratching, and then the line went dead.

“What the _fuck_ was that?”  Donnie whispered loudly enough to the point of nearly shouting.  Alison was already up at this point, gathering her coat and handbag.

“Something’s going on at Topside.  Most likely a fire, seeing as he said he called the fire services.  What are you doing?  We’re going over there, _now!_ ” she squawked, exasperated.  They all rose, but she turned to Donnie.  “I don’t mean you, honey.  You have to watch our children, remember?  They’re upstairs, sleeping?”

Donnie looked slightly disappointed, but he nodded, blinking profusely.

“Sure, honey.  I’ll stay.”  Delphine was surprised it had been that easy for her, but she didn’t have time to think about it, leaving them to talk between themselves.  She was hurrying to get her coat and put on her boots.  Was Scott okay?  Why had he hung up?  Who had he seen?  What had they done?  Why was there another fire?  She was ready in a matter of minutes.  It was hardly like she had any belongings she had besides what she could carry in her pockets.  As she waited for the others to get ready, she heard Alison tell Donnie to tell her sisters – apart from Cosima – where they were going.

Mark, of course, was coming too.

They were back in Alison’s car in a matter of minutes. 

Alison was speeding, clearly in distress.

“What was Scott _thinking_?” she asked nobody in particular.  “To go to Topside in the dead of night when there are _killers_ on the loose!  They set fire to a _building_ for heavens’ sake!  They have _already_ shot someone!” she ranted, her stressed, shrill wailings filling the car the whole time it took them to get to Topside.  Alison swerved repeatedly, but the roads were fairly empty seeing as it was about one o’clock in the morning, so Delphine worried more for their own safety than pedestrians or other drivers. 

Turning right revealed to them some rubble on the road.  Alison swerved to miss it and Delphine hit her head on the passenger window.  It made her dizzy but she tried to pay attention.  There was a red glow at the end of the street.  The right turning at the top would get them to Topside, but Delphine had a bad feeling about this.  With the speed at which Alison was driving, the car would probably topple over at that next turning.

The car didn’t.

Everything else did. 

The right turn revealed to them the building that had once been Topside; it was full on _burning_.  Delphine gasped and screamed at Alison to stop the car.  Alison slammed on the brakes, and the car skidded, ending up so that it was facing the way it had just come.  When they finally came to a stop, an ear-splitting boom shook the ground as the top of the building was blown off, debris flying from its main body like an erupting volcano.  Alison had the foresight to do what everyone in the car was thinking; _drive._

Parts of the building were sailing through the air, landing like meteors in a large circumference around the edifice, some landing uncomfortably close to Alison’s family car.  The car swerved and dodged and groaned terrifyingly with every piece of the building that smashed around them, as if the sky was training the pieces specifically on them.  Mark yelped when something smashed into the roof of their car, creating a dent that threatened to yield to the material that punched into it.  Delphine’s eyes were wide and she gripped hard onto the handle by her head.  Alison was silent throughout it all, and only when they had reached a faraway enough distance from the razed building did she stop again.  Her grip on the wheel was rigid, her knuckles white.  Delphine had one hand on the dashboard and the other was still clutching onto the handle.  Mark seemed to be fine, but he was just as shaken as the two women were.  They all breathed shallow breaths, nearer gasps than functional inhales.

Carnage still rained down upon the ground, but for now, they were out of the range of fire.

“What in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ…”  Alison didn’t need to finish the question.  They all understood her.

They stayed in the car, shaking, for a few minutes longer, as the rain of glass and iron slowly came to a stop.  Delphine swore aloud, startling the other two into looking at her.

“Scott is in there!”  She fumbled with the handle and then staggered out of the car, her legs shaking and unstable beneath her.  The other two followed.  Together, they lurched towards the burning building, circling around the surrounding buildings in an attempt to find a safe route.  Alison pulled her phone out and called someone.  They picked up moments later.

“Sarah!  Oh, holy Dinah thank God you’re okay!  Where are you?”

Delphine watched Alison as she listened to the reply.

“Good, because the building just _blew up!_   _Right_ in front of us!  Don’t go via the south side, there was a lot of debris thrown that way… we just drove through it, that’s how I _know,_ Sarah!  We’re walking around to the west side – meet us near the car park.  Yes, I know it’s separate.  Scott told us he was there so we’re trying to find him.  Please hurry up!  And remember, _do not tell Cosima about this!_   She needs to rest.”

She cut the phone off, and sped up her walk.  Delphine tried to keep up, but all she could do was look at the building and think of Cosima.  The cure… years of research, destroyed.  Threat after threat dealt with, all for naught.  Delphine could only hope that the network was okay and that they would be able to finish from the data that they had.  Surely, the connection between the two buildings was not lost?  Delphine doubted whether there would be a computer left standing by now.  But that surely didn’t mean that it didn’t exist _somewhere_ , right?

Her arm was pulled sideways as Mark dragged her out from the middle of the road as a car came careening up to them.  Once it had stopped, Sarah stepped out, followed by Helena and Felix.

The three siblings hurried up to Alison, Delphine, and Mark.  Sarah was the first to say anything.

“Shit, what the _fuck_ happened here?” she cried out, looking at the building that was now not even half of its original size, but was still burning happily.

“Scott said he saw someone when he was here before, Sarah.  He said something about trying to stop them.  We need to find him and check that he is okay.  That monster could have done anything to him!”  Everyone nodded his or her assent, their faces dark in the night but lit up by the orange light of the fire, but then they all instinctively ducked when the building gave an immense groan and then fell in on itself, soot, ash, and smoke billowing out in an immense cloud towards them.  They ran away from it as it consumed the air around them in sickening smog, hiding everything from their sight and poisoning their noses with an acrid scent.  Delphine pulled her coat up around her face to act as a sort of filter, albeit not a very effective one.  The smoke in the hot air made it impossible to see.  It was absolute blackness all around her.

“Everyone grip onto a hand!” she cried out, shouting above the crackling of the burning.  Where was the fire brigade?  She gripped onto someone’s fingers, and they responded by squeezing her hand.  One by one, she called out their names and they responded.  Everyone was now holding onto someone else, Delphine at the front of this human train.  Helena seemed to be the one holding onto her hand.  “We’re going to get into the car park!  Crouch down as low as you can!” she called out, the oppressive smoke making her feel as if her words remained only in her little field of vision.  She coughed, horrified by how the smoke was so thick.

They dragged their way through the smoke to the carpark, Delphine leading the way by memory.

She could see a large shadow get more solid as she approached it.  She was sure it was a car.  Once she reached it, she found that it definitely was.  Using it as an island to map the way, she pulled Helena’s hand around it, and then saw an orange, flickering light up ahead as the car was no longer an obstruction.  That must be the fire.  Delphine called out everyone’s names again, checking that nobody had gotten lost; they were all still there.

A mild groaning caught her ears, and she pulled Helena in that direction, the sound similar to what she remembered hearing on the phone.  As she got nearer, the air around her got hotter and more disgusting.  She was sweating heavily now, but she pressed on.  She finally got a good view of where the moaning sound was coming from; there was a car, slammed against a wall… with Scott _pressed between them_.  She called out for the others to speed up, and soon they were all crowding around Scott, whose legs and hips were undoubtedly crushed.  The top half of his body was lying on the bonnet of the car, his arm bleeding.  Delphine saw the remains of his phone on the floor beside him.  Someone had trodden on it, smashing it to pieces.  She got the others to stand back a little, giving him some space.  She had no idea what to do.  The Frenchwoman kneeled down beside him, attempting to get a look at his face.  He was sweating, moaning, and quivering; he wasn’t unconscious just yet.

“Scott?  Scott, can you hear me?  Scott?  Scott, look at me!”  His eyes opened ever so slowly, and lazily rolled to meet hers, his glasses digging into the bridge of his nose.  She took them off to save him that minor pain, and moved her face closer to his so that he could still see her.

“Scott?  Tell me what happened.”

He opened his mouth and blood poured out, which led to him coughing and spluttering.  Delphine soothed him and helped to lift his head up, supporting him.  She turned to the others behind her.

“Call the ambulance and get the fire brigade here!”

 Scott calmed down and was able to speak quietly.  She had to focus on his lips and voice to glean any meaning from his mumblings, and the noise around them was just adding distractions that she struggled to block out.

“Unnngh”- Scott moaned, which led on to actual words.  “Still here!  Go!  Unnnngh!  _Go!_ ”

“Who’s still here, Scott?  Who did this to you?”

Scott cried out in pain and the fire not too far away in the main building lit up his face in sharp relief.  Delphine could see the tears make tracks down his face as they glinted and shined.  “I saw- err-k- saw- went into the building with- unnngh- petrol and- something- unngh- saw fire- fire- phone- unnngh-” his teeth were gritted in an effort to fight the pain that must have been coursing through his whole body.  “Called you and he- shot arm.”

“Who, Scott?  Tell me!”

“ _Err-k_ ”

“What?”

“ _Err-ic!_ ”  Scott gasped out, and Delphine’s stomach flipped.

Not a second later, a bang sounded out, and a bullet flew straight through Scott’s forehead.

Delphine recoiled from the second spray of blood that night, but still held his body in her arms, unable to move him because of how tightly he was crushed between the wall and the car.  All she could do was shake and watch with horror, as the fire lit up in dreadful detail, the draining of life from Scott’s body.

All hell broke loose.

People screamed, cars drove closer and brakes screeched, as suddenly Toronto finally seemed to come to life.  Delphine couldn’t see a single thing, still surrounded by – and choking in – the smoke.  She was still holding onto Scott’s lifeless body when suddenly a hand took hers and a voice whispered in her ear.

“ _Come, sister-kisser.  We have a bad man to follow…_ ”


	28. Entr'acte

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> I still do not know how many more chapters are headed your way, but the following chapter is my little intermission, so we have some way to go yet.  
> I hope you enjoy the episode tonight! I can't wait until I sit down tomorrow after exams and watch Leekie's **** head be thrown about like a sodden, deflated basketball. Oooh, the bastard. I'm sorry. I don't like him. Have I made that quite clear, yet? ;)  
> This chapter is written in a different style for a chunk of it, but I promise you, I HAVEN'T posted the wrong chapter, and it DOES belong here.  
> Ladies and gentlemen and those who are yet to decide, allow me to present Chapter 28: _Entr'acte_.

With an excellent view of the ranch below from his vantage point on the raised cliff that stands to the east of the ranch, Silas Finlay considers his next move.  There are a few possible entrances into the ranch, but none of them offer any cover until the barn that marks the north side of the ranch, and the slightly thicker foliage to the south.  Whichever route he takes, he will most likely be spotted before he reaches the ranch.  As he is lying on his stomach, he has to shift his weight to get his pistol out of its holster.  Gun in hand, he rests on his elbows and tests the feel of aiming at the door of the main barn, but he knows that any shot he tries from up here will miss, and he has one bullet left.  That bullet is meant for a specific purpose, not to hit up dust.

His horse whinnies and Silas turns behind him to look at his faithful companion.

“C’mon, Pilgrim!  We’re nearly there.  Just one more man and then we can rest, alright?  I only need to _find_ him, that’s all…  That’s what you get for shooting the man with answers, I s’pose.”

Silas jumps up onto his feet and steps over to his horse, stroking his mane.  “How quickly do you think we can get down there, huh, boss?  I’m willing to bet you’re now gonna run faster than you’ve ever run for me before, because some such action on your part would be greatly 'preciated.”

Pilgrim huffs, but once Silas is atop the saddle he shoots off, speeding in the direction Silas guides him in.  Silas has to keep a hold of his hat to keep it on his head, but as soon as she tries to guide Pilgrim down a little slope of the dirt track, he catches sight of a dust cloud being caused by a horse running across the plains.  Squinting, Silas recognises the man on top of the horse.

“Pilgrim!  That’s him!  Giddy-up my man, we got ourselves a bastard to shoot!”

Pilgrim runs faster, and soon they have caught up with the man ahead of them.  There is an empty barn up ahead; the one that Silas had passed on his way here.  He wonders what the man would be doing using it.

The man realises he is being followed, and attempts to go faster on his own horse, but Silas outruns him.  Soon they are running side by side, snarling at each other.  Silas, in a feat of inhuman strength, rips him from his stirrups and drags him onto Pilgrim, who slows down.  Silas throws the man – who has a large scar down the length of his cheek and a very full beard – onto the ground, and he groans as he tries to get back up.  Silas dismounts, and pulls the man up for him.

“A pleasure to see you again, Lightfinger.”

“Nice to know I have an admirer.  But please excuse me if I can’t give you the same honour.  Your face ain’t all memorable-like.”

Silas can’t help but stomp his foot.

“You _cannot_ be serious!  I been chasing you all over the country!  Killing your crooked cronies!  Would’a thunk I’d gotten your attention by now.”

Lightfinger raises an eyebrow, squinting in the harsh sunlight.

“You?  _You’re_ Silas ‘Quickshot’ Finlay?  _You?_   Aw, fuck that!  You’re a teeny tiny little squirt, y’ain’t no bigshot goon!  I’d hoped I was bein’ followed by someone a little… taller… if you don’t mind me sayin’.”

“Oh please, you can say whatever you want; I’m here to kill you anyway.”

“Oh, y’are, little geezer?  Please, don’t hesitate to try.”

Silas pushes Lightfinger away from Pilgrim and then uses that time to pull out his gun from its holster once more-

 

“Qu’est-ce tu regardes, ma fille ?”  Delphine turned her head to the doorway of the living room and saw her father looking with interest at the television, upon which images of Silas and Lightfinger sparring in hand to hand combat played, both of them having dropped their guns.  She replied, and her father came to sit next to her on the sofa, watching the action unfold on the screen.

“It is an old Western film called ‘11’.  That man – the one in the checked shirt – is called Silas Finlay, and the other is called Lightfinger.  Lightfinger killed Silas’ wife and daughter some time before, but he used Silas’ gun – he was a Sheriff at the start of the film – to do it.  Silas vowed to take revenge and use that gun and every remaining bullet to kill every member of the outlaw gang that killed them.  There are 11 bullets but 10 gang members.  The extra bullet was wasted during a TNT explosion, so he can’t use two on Lightfinger like he wanted to.  So far… number one he killed in a saloon from a balcony, number two shot in the shoulder so he fell off the roof of a train and into a canyon, number three was a headshot, number four was shot in the heart in his sleep, and number five was a shot to the back as he tried to escape by horseback.  Number six was killed by a shot to the neck as he drank the last of his whiskey, umm number seven was… oh, a shot in the armpit as he was lassoing a bull – he died from blood loss, number eight was too close to the barrels of TNT that Silas shot, and number nine was shot up his chin and into his head because he tried to get at Silas with a knife first and he was too close.  Lightfinger may become number 10.”

Her father, brows furrowed in concentration, nodded and then turned his attention to the screen again.

 

Silas pulls the trigger, and the bullet flies out of the gun, and straight into Lightfinger’s gut.  He stumbles, and then falls to the ground, ending up lying down on his back.

Silas ‘Quickshot’ Finlay takes a moment to feel triumph fill his chest, but it never comes.  He frowns, and looks at the bleeding man on the floor.  He slowly walks up to him, the spurs on his boots clinking with each step.  He looks down at the gruesome man beneath him, and opens his mouth to make some cutting remark, but Lightfinger moves his hand, revealing a tiny gun he has been hiding in his coat.  He pulls the trigger before Silas can even register what is going on, and then soon finds that he has a hole in his gut, in almost exactly the same place as Lightfinger’s.  Stuttering with confusion, Silas falls to the ground, lying parallel to Lightfinger.

They were in the middle of nowhere, now far away from the ranch Silas had been observing, the hut empty, as Silas had checked before.  They would both slowly bleed out and die here.

“Killing my men…  Did it help?”

Silas knows what Lightfinger means.

“No.  They still dead, ain’t they?  I just… added to the pile.”

They lie still, side by side.  Lightfinger talks again.

“I’m sorry for your loss.  If I’d known this was how it would end, I might not have done it.  Not worth… the trouble… if y’ask me.”

“Well, that’s a right comfort, ain’t it?  I am genuinely offended that an idiot of a man murdered my family.”

Both of them are too weak to try to come to blows with each other.  They simply lie side by side, legs stretched out and arms resting over their identical wounds.  Both of them had wanted to inflict as much pain upon the other as they could when they shot.  A gut shot had definitely worked; they both know they don’t have long.

Hooves sound.  They turn their heads to see Pilgrim galloping away to the West, both of them facing the right, watching the receding figure of the sturdy horse that had been as much a player in this story as the both of them.  As Pilgrim’s form gets smaller, the men’s eyes close more.

The camera pans out, revealing their bodies surrounded by a large expanse of dirt, their blood pooling around them.  They lie motionless, until all that can be seen are two parallel sticks in the dust.

 

When the credits rolled, Delphine’s father sighed.

“What made you want to watch that?”

“I didn’t want to really, but my English teacher wanted me to watch a film, and this was on, so I watched it.  I quite liked it.  It was exciting.”

“Did you understand the meaning of the film?”

Delphine looked up at her father, brows furrowed.

“The meaning?”

“Yes, the moral of the story that lies behind the main plot.  Do you know what message the film was trying to give you?”

“Like a fable?”

“Exactly like a fable, my dear.  So, can you think of one thing the film told you that it didn’t explicitly tell you?”

Delphine sat still for a moment, her face contorted with concentration.  Her eyes lit up a moment later, and she turned smiling to her father.

“The title of the film is ‘11’!  Silas wanted to kill ten men for taking the lives of his wife and daughter, but in the end, he died too!  That made 11!”

Her father looked happy to see that she was getting closer to the answer.

“Exactly!  And why did he die too?”

“Technically he died from a gunshot wound, but that was given to him by Lightfinger.  He died… because he found Lightfinger.”

“You’re very close to the answer, Delphine!” he beamed at her.  “Think about what Silas said before he died.  Lightfinger asked him whether killing his men helped, and Silas said no.  What did he mean?”

_“They still dead, ain’t they?  I just… added to the pile.”_

Delphine clicked her fingers.

“Oh!  Papa, I have it!  Silas thought that killing the men that killed his family would make him feel better, because they were outlaws and they weren’t caught, so he went to do it himself.  _But_ , when Lightfinger asked him if it had helped, he said no because his family are still dead, and killing lots of people will not bring them back!”

“Yes, my darling!  You’ve got it!” her father smiled, ruffling her hair.  “Silas realised as he lay dying, that vigilante justice does not solve problems.  If you think back on it for a moment, the last thing we see is the two men, lying side by side.  What Silas did, killing ten men, was so bad, that eventually he became as bad as Lightfinger, who killed his family and likely more people.  At the end of the film, they became equals, both dead, because that is what they both deserved.  Can you see them lying there, in your head, Delphine?  They create an image of the number 11, showing us right there in that moment, that when you try to fight violence and death with more violence and death, you become as bad as the people who hurt you in the first place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you. Your entertainment shall resume shortly.
> 
> Love,  
> Amariel ;)


	29. Confluence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> I hope you're having a lovely day, wherever you may be. I hope I can make it better with this update. ;)
> 
> Love,  
> Amariel  
> 

“ _‘What can be more curious than that the hand of a man, formed for grasping, that of a mole for digging, the leg of the horse, the paddle of the porpoise, and the wing of the bat, should all be constructed on the same pattern, and should include the same bones, in the same relative positions?’_   It makes you wonder, doesn’t it?  Darwin is suggesting some sort of… common parent species, something that we all evolved from – mankind, mole, horse, porpoise and bat.  This is where his natural selection argument comes into play; how the bones of these creatures, including us, are all so similar, and yet they have developed into a structure that suits their purpose best- well, Darwin argues here that it is actually a _degeneration_ of sorts.  He calls it ‘ _descent with modification’_.  Now, here’s what _I_ wonder.  If we are all the same species, you and I, how is it possible that there can be people so _evil_?  I am, like, _ashamed_ to be a part of the human race because homo sapiens like _Leekie_ claim that link too.  How is it possible?  That level of _corruption_ , of- of _devilry_ is unfathomable to me!  That a person could _damage_ another human being in such a way… I’m inclined to believe that Leekie is not a human being – never _has_ been- which is impossible, but hear me out-”

“Shit, you’ve been here _less that twenty four_ hours, Cosima… I didn’t come to hear about your new conspiracy theory, alright?  If you don’t stop bombarding me with words, I’m going to have that book taken away from you.”

“You can’t kill an idea, Sarah,” Cosima said with a shrug and a shake of her head.  She set down her book on the bedside table and looked up at her sister, who was sitting in the chair beside her bed.  “So, why _are_ you here?  You don’t seem too concerned for my poor health.”

“Of course I’m concerned, Cosima.  I’m terrified for you, but I know that you hate that shit, so I’m hiding it from you like a good sister would do.”  Sarah stood up and moved to the side of the bed, a small smile playing on her lips.

“You’re the best.”  Cosima hugged her sister, but her sister winced slightly from the touch.  “Sarah?  What’s wrong?  Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.  It’s just… we’ve got some news for you.”  Sarah looked down at the bed instead of Cosima.  This timidity, quite unlike Sarah’s confident, head on approach, unnerved Cosima.  She took note of Sarah’s wince but moved on.

“What… kind of news…?”

“Cal delivered on the job you gave him.  He’s running late, but he’s meant to be the one to show you and I can’t explain jack shit about it.  He’s got the laptop anyway, but it definitely confirms the biggest suspicion.”

“Leekie?”

“Mhm.”

“Right… okay.  You sure you’re alright, though?”

“Are you?”

“Fair play.”

 They sat in silence until Cosima spoke up again.  “I don’t get it, Sarah.  I’ve had some time to lie here and think about what Leekie did to Delphine… I’ve known it for a while now, but here, I’ve actually had time to properly think about it.  I mean… _really_ think about it.  And even now, I don’t think she has told me everything – and that’s okay, that’s totally up to her when it comes to something as personal as that, but with everything she _has_ told me…  it makes me cry, Sarah.  I am all for the ‘learning from your mistakes’ shit, but Delphine didn’t make a mistake!  She had to deal with suffering beyond the likes of which I have ever heard, and no foolishness on her part was responsible for the pain she had to deal with.”  Cosima felt tears form and spill down her face.  She didn’t cry often, but when she did, it was for good reason.  “She had everything taken away from her, and she hasn’t seen her family since she left for her first term of college!  They probably think she’s dead, Sarah, but Leekie forced her to remain quiet.  What sort of monster takes a girl’s family away from her?  You know, I never really liked the Bible that much, but I was forced to learn passages upon passages when I was younger.  There is one that springs to mind.  Isaiah, 3: 10-11.  _“Tell the righteous that it shall be well with them, / for they shall eat the fruit of their deeds-”_

“Cosima, you _have_ to stop this.  You aren’t going to be forced to stay here much longer, but if you start getting worked up over this, you’re going to have an aneurysm!  I don’t want that shit on my hands!”  Sarah had taken hold of Cosima’s hands, which had been flapping about as she spoke, and Sarah’s grasp seemed to ground the bespectacled woman.  She sighed.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.  I hate sitting still.  I just- I need to _move_.”

“Do you want to come and get a cup of coffee with me downstairs, then?  I can tell Cal to come and meet us there.  Come to think of it, you’re gonna need more than hospital food to deal with what he found.”

“Shit… why can’t you just tell me now?”

“I’m shit at explaining tech stuff.  Come on, he and Kira can’t be far away.  They’ll be here soon.”  Sarah stood and started walking to the door of the ward, but Cosima’s question stopped her.

“Sarah, where’s Delphine?”  Her voice was unsure, and it wavered.

Thankfully, Sarah’s back was turned to Cosima, so it was easy for her to hide the panic that flew across her face.  Cosima continued.  “She said she’d be here when the doors opened, and they’ve already been open for half an hour… is she having trouble getting here?  Is Alison being stupid again, stopping her from seeing me?”  Slowly, Sarah turned around to face her sister.

“Cos… something came up.  Nothing really bad, but she had to help with the whole apartment burning down shit.  There are a lot of people that need rehousing, and Delphine was needed.”

“Did she… did she tell you to give me a message or something?  Just a tiny message to tell me she isn’t… being… pursued by a bear?  Or anything else of the ursine persuasion?”

“What?” Sarah asked her sister, her eyes narrowing in confusion.

“Nothing… just- nah, never mind.  I’m being silly.  Of course, she must be busy.  I’m stuck in a hospital bed; it’s easy to think that everyone else has just as much time on their hands.  Now that I’m not there, Scott must obviously need Delphine’s help.”

“ _Shit…_ ” Cosima heard Sarah whisper under her breath.  “Yeah, of course.  You’re right.  Cosima, are you coming for coffee or what?  I _know_ you want to know what Cal found in those emails.”

“I’m up!  I’m up!  Let Cal know I want him to prepare everything he has.  I need full deets, I can’t slack on this one.  I have to clear Delphine’s name.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“…So it became a simple matter of just tracking that IP address.  Imagine my surprise when I found that the computer that the emails originated from… was in Topside itself.”

“You’re shitting me!  The bastard did it _right_ under our noses the whole time?  They didn’t even have the decency to do it from a PC?”

“Unfortunately not.  But, obviously you remember the tech that you had me set up before Dr Cormier arrived – well, here’s something you should know now.  Scott had me do it for _all_ of the new recruits’ accounts.  Have a look here; Eric Vasa.”

“ _What?!_   _Eric?!_ ”

“That is the account that the emails originated from, but remember two things: One, it is possible that they may have been sent _using_ his account and his name, but not have been written _by_ him, and two, Vasa wasn’t the one who hacked Dr Cormier’s account and put the fake emails in.  I think we all know the answer to who that was.”

“Dr Leekie, right?”

“Hole in one.”

Cosima sat back on her chair, massaging her head.   _Eric?_   Cosima had spent so long worrying about who it was that she didn’t really know what to do with herself now that she _knew._

“Well then.  What do we do?”  Cal looked at her, not revealing anything.  Sarah looked at her cup of coffee and Kira looked at the table.  “Guys?  I’m stuck in here… I need you to be my way out…  I need you to go and bring him in!”  Still, nobody said anything.  “Sarah?  What’s going on?  If you don’t bring him in, then I’m going to go and fucking  kill him… the lesser of two evils here, dude, c’mon!  Cal!  What the _fuck_ , guys!”

Sarah’s phone rang, and the sudden, blaring ringtone made everyone at the table jump.  Sarah swore, but answered the phone.

“Hello? … Oh _shit_ , Alison, really? … What made you think that was a good idea? … No- okay, hang on…”  Sarah looked at Cosima apologetically and stood up.  She indicated that she was going outside.  Cosima watched her sister walk away, her boots clunking on the polished floor as she spoke in hushed tones to Alison.

Cosima stared at her coffee cup, her mind racing.  _Eric!  That fucking bastard!  I am going to cut his balls of make him eat-_

“Aunty Cosima?”

“Huh?”  Cosima looked up, her attention finally caught.

“I asked if you’d like me to get you any food.  You look really pale, and the stuff they give you here can’t be great…”

“Oh, Kira… thank you, but I don’t-” she caught a look from Cal, who had an eyebrow raised.  His eyes seemed to communicate something, though.  Cosima couldn’t tell what that thing was, but she wanted to know.  “I don’t… know… what sort of food there is here.  Would you check for me, please?”  Kira nodded and winked at her as she left.  Cosima knew she was anything but stupid, but she was too intuitive for her own good. 

Turning to Cal, she turned her hands over in question, waiting for him to explain himself, which he did, as soon as Kira was fully out of earshot.

“I have the exact location of the computer Leekie used to hack Dr Cormier’s account.  I’ve checked and rechecked, and it’s still being used by him – nearly all of the files on it are encrypted apart from a few.  Those few were police reports on a cold case about the disappearance of one girl called-”

“Danielle Fournier.  Yeah, I know about that.  It’s definitely his computer then.  He’s sick like that.”

“That’s what I needed to check.  I didn’t read much into the case, I saw Dr Cormier’s name and decided I didn’t need to know, but I had to check with you that it was him.  That’s enough for me.”

“So, are you trying to tell me something here?”

“The computer is in DYAD, that much I know for sure.  Again, whether it’s his or not is hard to tell, but with the login history, it can’t be anyone else’s.  I’m trying to get into some of the files, but what I’m looking for is some sort of floor plan.  So far, all I have found is medical stuff like this.”  Cal opened a file for her to look at on his laptop.

“Woah… shit.  Extrapolation of murine models.  Sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a nerd… I hate to admire Leekie, but I just need to take a moment to dork out…”  Cosima took the laptop and started reading through the folder.  She stopped when a thought entered her head.  “Why are you telling me this?”  Cal didn’t say anything for some time, simply furrowing his brows.  Eventually, he seemed to find the right words.

“We all care about you.  You’re our family, and everything we’ve ever done for you has been out of love.  You’re going to need this knowledge soon.  Sarah wouldn’t want it, Alison would forbid it, but I know you need it.  Alison’s going to be here in a matter of minutes, and you’re gonna get very angry.  Anger is impossible to deal with if you don’t have an outlet.  I’ve given you a piece of the puzzle.  The rest is up to you-”

Kira returned with a sandwich.

“I saw this and thought you’d like it, so I went ahead with it.  I hope you’re okay with that.”

Cosima turned to her niece, smiling.  She looked at the sandwich, and her heart squeezed a bit.

“Oh, brie and tomato!  Excellent choice.”  She attempted to inject some enthusiasm in her voice but failed quite miserably.  “Thank you, Kira.  I really appreciate it.”  _Where_ is _Delphine?_

Kira sat back down to her right, pulled out a small notebook, and diligently began writing.  At that moment, Sarah returned – with Alison and Felix.  They all looked incredibly grim, and beyond exhausted.

“Wow, guys!”  Cosima said mockingly as she stood up to greet them.  “Nobody said you _had_ to come and see me!  Please, don’t feel obliged to stay on my account!” she joked, but nobody seemed in the mood.  Cosima dropped it, not really feeling in the jokey mood herself.

Alison walked right over to her and put her hands on the dreadlocked woman’s shoulders.

“Cosima, please sit down.  I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Are you fucking serious?  I have my cannula in, what more do you want?  I’m just standing up, for the love of God!”  Cosima felt the irritation bubble up in her chest, but she tried it to let it get too strong.

“Cosima…”  Alison’s voice was soft now.  “We have something to tell you.”

“Hang on… why isn’t Delphine with _you_ …?  Surely Scott wouldn’t keep her from seeing me now, right?”  Alison changed the subject.

“Cosima, each and every one of us is here for you.  You know that, don’t you?  Please, remember that-”

“Yes, yes, Alison _please_ just hurry up – and Sarah can tell me why she has a bruised ribcage!

Sarah opened her mouth and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but she let it drop.  Everyone took a seat around the table until Cosima felt like she was at an intervention that was being held for her.  It made her very uncomfortable.  She shifted in her seat as Alison began to speak. 

“Cosima, last night, in my house, we got a phone call from Scott, who was at Topside.  He needed help, and Mark and I went- we called Sarah, who met us at Topside with Helena and Felix.  Cosima…”  Alison brought a hand up to her cheek and let out a long, slow breath.  “Cosima, Topside was blown up.  The apartment block was just a distraction – a way to get the emergency services out of use so that the building had to burn for longer… there was nothing left to save.  Everything was… destroyed.”

Cosima could only look at her sister in a stunned silence.  It didn’t make any sense… they hadn’t found a cure yet, why would DYAD blow it up _now?_

“Alison… Sarah… please tell me no one was caught in the explosion…”  There was one woman she could think of whose absence was very noticeable.

“The firemen and the police couldn’t find anyone in the wreckage, but that’s not a definite.  All we know is that the building was set on fire before it was blown up, so any… genetic material…”  Sarah trailed off, not wishing to continue the thought.

 Cosima’s voice was small when she spoke, fear coursing through her whole body and threatening to cut off her breathing.

“Is everyone okay?” she asked.  Panic flashed across _everyone’s_ faces, and they all did a piss-poor job of hiding it.  “Don’t any of you dare try to hide anything from me!   _Is everyone okay?_ ”  Alison’s bottom lip wobbled.

“Cosima, we found Eric there.  We tried to fight him, but there was thick smoke and we lost him... we found Scott when we got there- Cosima… he was dying when we got there- and- and- oh _shit-_ I can’t do this.  I can’t, I can’t.”

Cosima froze.  _No…_

“Sarah!  You will fucking tell me or I will cut it out of you!” Cosima nearly shouted, but the shortness of her breath denied her the ability to do so.  Sarah bit her lip but she carried on for Alison.

“Scott was… Scott was dying when we got there- and, um, we tried to help him- but- but Eric shot him in front of us.”

“No… no… nonononono…  No!”  That word repeated through Cosima’s head, playing over and over and over again, until she could think of nothing but that one word.  She didn’t realise she was crying until Sarah pulled her into one of the incredibly rare hugs that showed she really _meant_ it.  As her tears grew more violent, her throat began to constrict, getting tighter and tighter with each breath.  Before she had even spilt a tiny fraction of the tears she knew she would for her closest friend, she was coughing and spluttering, unable to breathe.  Nobody spoke, they just watched Cosima rock in Sarah’s arms as she felt everything fall apart.  Even Sarah’s adamantine strength faltered as she started crying too.

Cosima knew even now, that she would follow Eric – to the ends of the Earth if she had to – and kill him. What was worse, she felt guilty, for she had begun to believe that Scott had gotten himself embroiled with DYAD somehow, and _he_ had been the traitor.  Whilst she was relieved that the traitor had been a relative outsider, it did not stop her from feeling awful about the fact that she had doubted the one person who had stayed with her longer than anyone else.  She began to laugh, wondering how on Earth she could ever have doubted him, bespectacled, cute, intelligent little Scott.  Then she stopped laughing again when she thought about how he had died.

“Do you think- that it was painful for him?”

Alison replied before anyone could say anything.

“No, Cosima.  No, it was very quick.”  Cosima pulled herself out of Sarah’s strong grip.

“I am going to kill him.  I mean it; I am going to _kill_ him!  Where is he?”  Alison raised a finger, stopping her.

“Cosima, that is not going to help _anybody_ , least of all yourself.  Please, don’t be foolish about this.”

“‘ _Don’t be foolish about this_ ’?  _Really?!_   I swear to God, you will tell me where he is, or I will burn my freaking cannula!”  Felix was the one who spoke next.

“Cosima… Eric escaped during the fire.  He shot Scott, and in the smoke and heat, it was impossible to pinpoint him.  Sarah got into a scrap with him, but he hit her rib and she fell.  We heard shouts and there was a struggle some way off, and I’m really sorry darling, but... we lost him.”

_There’s something that none of them are telling me…_

“You all have ten seconds to tell me what you’re missing out of this story.”

She didn’t need to make any threats this time.  Her voice was dangerous enough by itself.  Sarah was the one to yield first.

“She’s gone, Cosima.  There was a second shot, then some shouting, mostly her trying to help us find her in the smoke, telling him to get off her, but… Cosima… we think Eric’s taken her back to Leekie.”

There comes a point when one is so overloaded with disaster and inflicted by the turpitude of devils, that one can no longer feel them.  That last piece of news, whilst terrifying and heartbreaking, was so powerful that it didn’t seem to have an effect on Cosima. 

It was almost like a baby’s shape-sorter toy.  All of the news so far had fit into the right slots, pushing just the right buttons and eliciting the appropriate reactions from the dreadlocked girl.  Eric, Leekie, Topside… _Scott._  But this news was so unexpected, so out of place that it began to crush the whole toy from the force of trying to slot the triangle into the circle and not managing it.

But then Cosima realised that that was wrong.  It _wasn’t_ that the news was too painful, it _wasn’t_ that it was the last straw that had pushed her over the edge.  No, it was that this news was _wrong_.  She couldn’t explain it, but she knew.  She mumbled, her mouth struggling to sort out her words.

“Delphine… she isn’t being pursued by the bear… no… oh, my God… Delphine _is_ the bear!”

She smiled to herself, finally realising how everyone had underestimated her girlfriend, including Cosima herself.  Delphine hadn’t been broken, she hadn’t been damaged beyond repair by Leekie’s depravity… no.  She had been _tempered_ by it _._

“Sarah, get me Detective Bell.”

Sarah nodded, slightly taken aback by the calm that possessed her sister and moved away to call the detective.

Cosima started laughing to herself again as a thought crept into her head, slowly and maliciously, reminding her of the new situation that had arisen.  She recited the second half of the verse she had remembered before under her breath.

“‘ _Woe to the wicked!  It shall be ill with him, / for what his hands have dealt out shall be done to him.’”_

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

_“They need to think you are being taken, Goldilocks.  Otherwise, you are merely accomplice in elaborate plan.”_

_Delphine looked at the woman who had just pulled her away from Scott, her eyes full of fear._

_“Helena, they all doubt me anyway!  I am not bothered about what they think of me.  I need to stay here to find a cure for Cosima, I need to save what I can from the wreckage!”_

_“No.  One thing is clear.  Topside is dead.  DYAD is not.  Follow the bad man with me, Goldilocks.  A hard drive is a gold mine compared to a burnt building of nothing.”_

_Delphine choked on the acrid smoke, but she grasped Helena’s meaning.  Shouts came from the others and Sarah’s voice boomed above the rest.  There was a fight going on._

_“Eric has the work?  Did he steal it?  All of it?”_

_Helena nodded, and in under a second, she had pulled a gun out of her coat, waiting for something.  Delphine didn’t know what.  In moments, a loud grunt came from somewhere nearby them, and shoes scuffled on the car park floor.  Helena shot at the floor and someone shrieked.  Helena turned to Delphine and nodded once._

_“Follow me.  Remember, the bad man has you now.”  And she ran off, Delphine hot on her heels as she shouted out protests that felt stupid to her own ears.  Surely they wouldn’t believe it.  She followed Helena out of the car park and onto the main road, but smoke still hid their exit.  Delphine could see someone running away, into the crowd that was now growing, people bringing their own buckets of water and trying to help the people that they could hear calling out for Delphine.  For some reason, Helena didn’t follow him._

_Instead, she took them in a very twisted route.  Eventually, they ended up in a truck on a road that was finally clear of rubble and exploded building.  Delphine had been told by Helena to sit in the driver’s seat but she didn’t know where they were going.  She got the engine running and drove off anyway, Helena pointing in the direction she should take._

_“Helena, how do you know where Eric went?”_

_“I don’t know where he is now, but I know where he will be soon.  With good driving, we will get there first.”_

_Delphine nodded, but she wasn’t satisfied._

_“And where_ are _we going, Helena?  DYAD men will be hunting me down with added vigour if they know I am missing, we can’t lead them anywhere important.”_

_“DYAD will hear from my family that the traitor has you.  That will give us time, but not much.  From there, we have to hope that nobody sees us.”_

_“Helena!  Please, tell me.”  Helena gave a dramatic sigh, stretching in the passenger seat like a lazy cat._

_“In a few days’ time, we are going to a party, Goldilocks.  That is where we find the traitor and the big fish… and maybe we catch some other little ones on the way.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe just realised this chapter has 4069 words. I'm not old enough to be mature, shhh.


	30. Total Offense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> For some reason, I've had trouble getting this chapter written. I've given it some thought, and I think it was because it is Chapter 30, and I was getting quite nervous about it, thinking I needed to make a big deal out of it. I decided to turn that on its head and make this chapter less _essential_. It is definitely necessary, because whilst we know that this version of Delphine doesn't sleep much, she isn't a robot and she _will_ go mad if she doesn't do sleep soon.  
>  Thanks for making it this far, guys. We've made it to triginta. Now _that_ , is _very_ exciting.  
>  Also, we've hit the 100k words mark! OH. MY. GOODNESS. ME. 100k! 100k! I've never had 100k anything and now I have 100k+ important, emotional words! Oooh I'm made up for life. 
> 
> Love,  
> Cody  
> 

The road was bumpy and uncomfortable, and one of the strangest Delphine had ever driven on.  It was a mixture of tarmac, gravel and grit, all combining to make a lethal death trap.  The suspension of Helena’s truck – if it had ever even been Helena’s in the first place – had to have been brought straight from the Stone Age, it was so bad.  Every bump from a pothole on this road (of which there were more than Delphine could keep count) was multiplied by ten as Delphine struggled to remain in her seat, thrown about with the shaking of the car as she was.  She actually hit her head on the roof a few times.

At this rate, she was going to break her neck.

The road ahead seemed to stretch for miles and miles without a single change of scenery; just a thick border of fir trees that marked the edge of two forests, cut in half by this road that never ended, like it had for the past half an hour – even though they had been driving for about five or six hours.  The sun’s dawn light was just beginning to peek over the tops of the fir trees, showering everything in a deep red light. 

Like some sort of mirage, possibly from her exhaustion, Delphine swore she could see potholes up ahead that disappeared when she reached the places that she thought they were, except sometimes, she sailed over smoother tarmac mixed with marginally less gravel and grit, only to hit one she hadn’t caught sight of, jolting both her and Helena.  Helena had seemed fine with the whole movement of the truck, but even she had to hold on to the back of her seat to stop herself from flying out of the windscreen.

“Helena, how have you managed to lead us to the only road in the whole of Canada that got hit by thousands of meteorites?” Delphine started, huffing irritably.  “We need to get to this mysterious ‘party’ but we will never make it if our car breaks down on the way.  The only way we’re going to get there first at this rate is if one of these potholes throws us through the windscreen and we _fly_ there!”

Helena laughed deeply from her throat and her teeth bit as much of her lip as they could.  Her eyes twinkled.

“You are funny woman, Del-fin Corm-yay.  My sestra told me your brain was clever, but never did she mention your jokes.”

Delphine couldn’t help but smile as she continued to drive the truck, bouncing them along as if they were on some sort of car-shaped pogo stick.  She wiped some ungraceful sweat from her forehead.

“Cosima?  She spoke to you about me?” she asked, knowing that Helena had been more than just _involved_ in the removal of the previous spy and so had probably been _involved_ with plans about Delphine’s own arrival.

“Yes, Goldilocks.  She spoke of you many times to me.  At first, she did not like you.  But I could see her change… very quickly.  Not long, she was pining for you.  I told her not to be silly and take you for date.”  Delphine looked at Helena curiously.

“What?  _You_ convinced _Cosima_ to take me on that date?”

“Yes.  I would have liked to watch you, but Sarah said I should not be... creepy.”

“But Helena… at that point, I was still a spy… why would you convince Cosima to do that?  I could have hurt her…”  She looked at Helena, who met her gaze.  Her eyes were fierce.

“Yes, but you did not.”  Delphine did not miss the veiled ‘ _and you won’t, or else’_ but decided not to mention that.

“Thank you, Helena.  She is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I know this already.  That is why we are going to the party.  To save sestra Cosima.”

“And that leads me on to say once again, that I am beginning to doubt we will ever get there first.”

“We are racing, Goldilocks, but we are also _fleeing_.  This is dangerous road.  DYAD monkeys will not want to follow.  Plus, on _this_ road, we have that.”  She pointed lazily, lounging back in her seat, to a particularly thick cluster of firs.  Delphine glanced over at the spot in the distance, but she couldn’t see anything, and at that moment she caught sight of a _massive_ pothole and swerved to get out of the way of it.  Having righted the truck after a stomach-lurching turn, Delphine considered that it may have been easier to have driven through the pothole anyway.  She looked again at the area of forest that Helena had pointed out to her, which was now much closer, and saw that she could see a camouflaged building of some sorts just behind the first layer of trees.

“Is that where we’re going?” she asked Helena.

“Only for now.  You have not slept for two days. We rest here.  Turn right here.”  Delphine looked for the turning she was talking about and found an almost invisible dirt track that she would most definitely have missed, had Helena not pointed it out to her.

Turning off, the dirt track proved itself to be so much smoother than the road Delphine had been driving on for so damned long that she let out an involuntary sigh of pleasure.  The crease that had become permanent along the former road quickly vanished.  Helena snorted at her.

“You lack grit.”

“Grit?” Delphine raised an eyebrow, looking at Helena confusedly. 

“Yes, grit.  Road with grit is good.  Grit gives good grip.  You like the dirt track?  Dirt track leaves tracks, which make us trackable.  Grit is good.  You need grit.  Because you lack it.”

Delphine laughed, entirely bemused.  They had reached the building now, and Delphine looked around for where she was meant to hide the truck.

“Do not worry about truck.  We take different car once we have slept.  My friend will take it from here.”  Delphine nodded and stopped the truck.

They got out and both savoured the feeling of finally standing up and stretching their legs.  Delphine, still wearing Donnie’s overly long trouser and Cosima’s top, shook her legs and stretched her arms, feeling a set of horrifyingly satisfying pops up her spine and in her shoulders.

“Follow me, Goldilocks,” Helena grinned, and led the way through the trees.

Before they had even made it ten steps, a man came out to meet them, carrying a rifle.

“What are you doing here?  You’re on my land,” he stated, looking suspiciously at the both of them.  Delphine, suddenly worried that Helena had brought them somewhere they weren’t allowed, shied away from him.  She said nothing, and neither did Helena, who simply stared threateningly at the man.  Perhaps for five seconds, which felt like five years, they stood in silence, regarding one another, until finally, the man started laughing, Helena too.  They hugged each other.  “You’re also late.  Ah, Helena, it has been _too long!_   What have you been busying yourself with instead of me?”

Helena shuffled on her feet and looked at the floor.

“My sestra Cosima is sick.  I have been at home trying to help her.”

“I am very sorry to hear that.  Cosima was very welcoming to me.  So, are ya gonna introduce me to this here lady?” the man with the rifle asked, smiling at Delphine, who had relaxed since seeing the familiarity between the two.

“Oh yes, I am not being good friend.  This is Del-fin, kisser of my sestra,” he held a hand out to her, and Delphine took it, smiling nervously, “and this is Jesse, my boyfriend.”  Delphine raised an eyebrow, and Jesse winked at her.

“Well, Delphine, it’s always mighty fine to meet another one of the family.”  Delphine blushed.  He turned to his girlfriend.  “I already got men on the dirt track, Helena,” he pointed out behind them.  Delphine turned and could see men sweeping the car tyre prints away.  “I’m guessing you’re gonna need another vehicle?  Well, why don’t you come inside, wash that muck off of your faces and come and tell me what you both need.” 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Once again, Delphine had showered in someone else's home.  She had grown used to it, knowing that she had only ever had one home, and that was back in France with her parents.  She wasn't quite sure what this building was, and whether it actually _was_ a home, but it felt as loved as one.  She had seen two other people here already, a man and a woman in hunting gear, both chatting in the main room as she had passed it on her way up to the bathroom.  She didn't know whether they worked there or were simply visiting like she was.  Come to think of it, Delphine didn't know whether she WAS just visiting... there may have been some bigger game at play here.  Helena had brought them to her boyfriend (who owned a property in the middle of _nowhere_ ), so did that mean she intended to stay here longer?  Delphine was itching to get on the move again, but there were two main reasons why she couldn't.  The first was that she didn't even know where they were supposed to be going, but Helena did.  She had to stick with Cosima's most unconventional sister if she had any chance of helping her.  The second was that she was so tired, she was going to fall asleep at any moment.

She looked at the room Jesse had given her for now.  It was comfortable, but quite Spartan.  There was a bed, a dresser and a small end table and that was it.  Bedclothes had been laid down for her on the dresser, and she gratefully slipped into them.  The heat of the day had been intense, and the cool clothes were a blessing.

She knew that she should go downstairs in a minute, because Jesse had told them about some sort of breakfast being ready soon.  _Breakfast?_   Delphine was too exhausted to think about anything except this bed right in front of her; she needed to sleep, and desperately.  She could eat later.

She lay down heavily on the bed, not even bothering to get under the covers.  It was too hot anyway.  In a matter of seconds, she had already fallen asleep, clutching onto Cosima’s top in the hopes of catching her residual scent.  It smelt more of smoke than anything, but Delphine tried to convince herself that there was _some_ orange missed in there…

She slept heavily, but dreamt about her return to Cosima, with her cure in hand.  She could only wish it would turn out at all like that.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

She woke up with no idea of what time it was.  Somehow, she had ended up beneath the blankets of the comfortable bed, and still somehow managed to hold onto Cosima’s top in her hand, but it was no longer pressed against her face.  Definitely just smoke.

Slowly, Delphine’s body started to move and she regained awareness, stretching her legs and arms out on the bed, arching her back ever so slightly.  Her hands gripped onto the iron bars of the headboard.  She remembered where she was.

She remembered what had happened to get her here.

Scott… she had had plenty of time to think about him since watching him die in her arms last night.  Had it really only been last night?  The fire at the apartment complex had taken place in the evening when Delphine had cooked dinner.  Events leading up to the explosion at Topside amounted to about midnight.  They had been driving since then and had arrived here at about five or six in the morning, if Delphine's guesses were correct.  If Delphine had slept for four or five hours – as she never slept longer than that, despite her exhaustion – then that meant it must be late morning, the day after Scott was shot.  Yes, it had only been last night.

Last night, when she had seen Scott crushed up against the wall and a bullet piercing his forehead, cracking his skull, and ripping up his brain.  The satisfaction that her stretch had given her was  suddenly gone, her body feeling supremely heavy.

She hadn’t known him well, but despite her being a spy and endangering Cosima’s recovery, he had been polite to her – to her face at least.

He had, actually, decided that _she_ was the one to call when he couldn’t – when he _wouldn’t_ – call Cosima, probably knowing that he was going to die anyway.

Something she had said to Helena earlier made something click in her mind.  _“Helena, they all doubt me anyway!”_   …His strange request…  _“It’s Scott!  Please… put me- on speaker!  I have to- tell you all…”_ Delphine sat up, thinking hard.

She realised what it meant.

It wasn’t that Scott hadn’t trusted her to tell the others that he needed help… no, not at all!  She had been stewing over that ever since he had called, but she realised that she had been wrong… again.  How Scott knew she would have been with anyone other than Cosima, she didn’t know, but she was glad he had seemed to.

If he had called her and told her what was happening at Topside with no one else there to hear what he had to say, Delphine would have had a hard time convincing anyone to come with her… because _none_ of them really trusted her…  And, if she had somehow _succeeded_ , then _she_ would have been the one that led them _directly_ to a building that had been blown up as they arrived there… They would have believed her to be working closely with Leekie still – for why else would she try to kill them? – and it was possible that they would not have suspected Eric – because he would have killed Scott anyway, so nobody but Delphine would have been able to prove that he was even there!  Had Eric believed that only she would turn up, for some reason?  Why else would he have waited to kill Scott until after the building had blown up?  To give him some sort of dying depression, knowing that he died when Cosima had no chance left?  To make Cosima and her family believe that Delphine had killed him, dying when she arrived?

Whatever Eric’s motives had been, _Alison_ had been the one to decide to leave for Topside.  Delphine had merely… followed along…  Scott, Scott, Scott!  He had _protected_ her, from _all_ of that!  Right until the end, he had tried to protect her.  _“Still here!  Go!  Unnnngh!  Go!”_

Delphine suddenly felt such an intense, loving, _heartfelt_ gratitude to the man who had picked her up from the train station all those months ago and had worked with the goal that Delphine had also adopted… to save Cosima’s life.  Delphine was doing this in a very different manner to how she originally thought she would be helping, but if this was what she had to do, then she would do it to the best of her ability.  Scott had given up his life for Cosima… and for Delphine, in a way.

She felt a tear escape the prison of her eye, but she didn’t stop it.  The range of human emotions is immense, and some you try hard to suppress… anger, jealousy, depression, doubt… but grief was not one that Delphine ever considered trying to fight in her life.  She hadn’t known either pair of her grandparents, as they had all died before she was born, so the first person she had ever truly _lost_ was Danielle.  It had been a devastating way to experience the passing of life in someone so precious to her, but she hadn’t ever wanted to bury that grief, not even when she had lost herself to the guilt.  She didn’t ever want to bury the grief like Danielle had been buried… shoddily and half-arsed.  She had only _ever_ wanted to let it go with respect.  Even now, she hadn’t fully accepted her passing, but hiding the grief, to Delphine, felt like hiding the love – the love that made the grief so painful.

She did not hide this new grief for Scott, because she needed him to know – wherever her was – that she was grateful to him for trusting her, letting her know that he trusted her to finish the job she had started.  Save Cosima.

In a strangely philosophical and religious mood, Delphine wondered whether he and Danielle were in the same place now.  _Both_ of them had given up their lives for the protection of another.  Both of them deserved the peace that they didn’t get at their deaths.

She promised their memories that she would do the same for Cosima if she had to.

Maybe then, having been responsible for killing them both, she would be worthy to kiss their feet when she died, at best.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Delphine found Helena and Jesse in the dining room that was big enough to seat at least fourteen people.  They were standing up at the head of the table, arms wrapped around each other with their foreheads and noses touching.  It was… tender.  Delphine’s heart soared to see Helena so content…  Then she remembered that she was watching them, and how rude of her that was, and she quickly backed away, hoping they hadn’t noticed her.  They both seemed like very astute people, however, so she doubted that they hadn’t heard her.  She found herself in the living room that she had seen the two other people in before.  There were deer antlers above the doorway.  Delphine would ever understand that.  The whole building was made of wood, but this room was especially dark brown, and the red material all around may have given it a very rich appearance, had Delphine not seen far too much blood to think that red was a good thing right now.

“I think our Goldilocks has found her grit-grip.”

Delphine spun around and saw Helena in the doorway.  She had cleaned up too, but whether she had slept or not, Delphine didn’t know.  Her clothes were new, but entirely in the style that was… Helena.  She wore trousers reminiscent of a pirate and a collared top that sat underneath a warm looking jumper.  She tried to work out whether Helena had been talking about Delphine’s clothes or her mental state, but she had given up trying to work Cosima’s sister out.  Some things were more beautiful when left as a mystery; admired, but not understood.

Looking down at her clothes, Delphine could see what Helena meant – if, in fact, she _was_ talking about her clothes, and didn’t have some strange knowledge of how Delphine had signed her own mental death note.  The dresser in her room had contained some clothes that she had been told she could wear, but they all had one thing in common: they all made her look like a cowgirl.  She had settled, eventually, one some loose but sturdy black jodhpurs that she had found tucked into the bottom drawer, a vest top, and a thick, well-made over shirt with a chequered pattern.   She had realised the foolishness of wanting to wear a smoky top that had small flecks of Scott’s blood across the left shoulder.  She wanted to be close to Cosima, but a t-shirt wouldn’t do that for her.  She didn’t ask Helena what she meant, preferring to have that mystery unsolved.  She didn’t need to know what Helena thought; all that mattered was that she proved to herself and Cosima that she could be strong enough to save her.  Grit-grip in whatever form would help her.

“Come, Dr Corm-yay.  We are eating sandwiches.”

Helena turned around, and Delphine followed her out of the room and into the dining room, where a small platter of sandwiches had been laid out on a plate for the three of them.  Jesse had already sat down at the table and was waiting for them.  He nodded at Delphine as she entered, taking the seat opposite him.  Helena took the head of the table.  Delphine thanked them both and took the sandwich that was nearest her.

“Peppered beef!  Delicious!” she said, in an attempt to ignore the pain she felt at being so far from Cosima, the flavour of the sandwich reminding her of the small brunette.

They smiled at her, and she sank her teeth into the sandwich.  Her stomach shouted a grateful ‘hurrah!’ and got to work immediately.  They sat in silence as they all ate, but soon, curiosity got the better of her.  “May I ask, what is this place?”

Jesse finished his mouthful and answered her question.

“A few years ago, when I met Helena, we found ourselves in a bit of trouble on that road out there.  The man who owned this place helped us.  This building is actually _meant_ for people… like us.  Like you, now.  It’s for people… on the run.  Well hidden, undiscovered.  The owner was taken to prison for an unrelated case a few months ago.  I’m looking after it for him until he gets back.  Making sure the right people, and only the right people, find us.”

Delphine’s eyes widened.  This was a hotel for criminals?  Stranger things seemed to have happened before this, so she let it slide, but she couldn’t hide her renewed interest.  She could hardly judge, seeing as she was far from innocent herself, but she couldn’t help but wonder what sort of people had stayed in these walls.

They finished the rest of the sandwiches in silence.  When they had all finished, Helena stood up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.  She looked at Delphine.

“We cannot stay long.  We have party to get to.  I have everything we need now.”

“What is it that we needed?” Delphine asked, not completely comfortable with playing the ignorant sidekick.

“I will show you trunk of new truck.  That has everything we need.  But now, we must leave.”  She turned to Jesse, and Delphine left them to it, taking the plates into the kitchen, and washing them up.  It was easy, seeing as they had only held sandwiches.

Her menial task done, Delphine spent a moment hoping, _hoping_ , that they would be driving a better truck this time.

Thankfully, they would be.  A GMC Sierra, to be exact. 

The back of the truck was… a strange mixture of everything they could possibly need.  They had camping gear, food supplies, and a whole artillery of weaponry, which Delphine tried not to look at, plus even more.  In her new boots that Jesse had readily given her, she walked around to the driver’s seat of the car and got in behind the wheel.  Helena pulled back the tarpaulin, and after hugging Jesse tightly and touching foreheads again, she joined Delphine in the truck.

“Let us go.  With new truck, road will be much easier.  And something good: we are nearly at the end of this tarmac-gravel-grit road.  Soon, we will be near enough for party.  But first…” Helena put a hand into her pocket, pulling out a ridiculous amount of money, rolled up neatly and tied with an elastic band, “we will need to get party clothes.”

A new sense of determination and energy flowed through Delphine, and she sped off, getting back on the road.  Not second after they had joined the main road again, Delphine saw men come out from the house and sweep away the tracks she had left, getting the camouflage of the dirt track perfect once again.  The new truck really _did_ make the road much easier.

Wherever Helena was taking them, they would get there in no time.


	31. Split Second

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading this! Boy, to read 31 chapters is quite a lot! I am so grateful, so so grateful to you for sticking with me and making me feel like some sort of Chaucer. Your love and support never fail to make me feel epic! Your comments are legendary and I love you very much.  
> Thank you!
> 
> Love,  
> Hermes

Far removed from the relative comfort of the previous night in Jesse’s Crime Hotel, Delphine and Helena had spent the next one near freezing in a tent. 

Helena had sent her down a small road that led to a bosky field.  Delphine hadn’t believed her, but the smaller woman had assured her that it was the property of a friend of hers and that they would be allowed to camp there.  Left with no other choice, Delphine had helped to set up the tent.  They had spent the night talking to each other, but it soon developed into Delphine asking Helena questions about Cosima, and to the petite woman’s credit, she knew every answer – even to the number of girlfriends Cosima had had throughout her life (“she thinks Emi is still a secret.  This is not so.  I told the whole family.”), even though the sisters had not been reunited until much later on in their lives.  The night had ended with the two going to sleep in the cold after a long drive, which would only be continued the next day.

 

Delphine woke, her fingers almost blue.  Thinking quickly, she got herself moving to warm back up again, despite how much she would have preferred to sleep for just a _little_ longer.  Helena was not in the tent, but Delphine could hear her low voice resonating outside.  Worried that the owner of the field had turned up, she tried to listen to the conversation, but there was no second voice.  That must have meant that Helena was talking to herself, or she was on the phone.

It was the latter.

Helena was sitting on the tree stump that they had pitched the tent next to, using it as a table.  She held the phone loosely in her hand, but she was clearly paying attention to the words that the other person was saying.  Helena spotted Delphine leaving the tent and held up a finger to her lips, indicating for her to be silent, and then pointed to her nose afterwards. Delphine’s brows furrowed, but then she caught on.  _Nose ring?_ She mouthed Cosima’s name to Helena as a question, and she nodded in response.

Beaming, Delphine thought about how close that phone brought them together, but her smile fell a second later when she remembered that everyone thought that she had been taken by Eric.  Anybody over there could be a spy for Leekie, and so _nobody_ except Helena and Delphine could know that they were on a personal crusade.  Eric would no doubt settle the rumours that he didn’t have Delphine with her, but for now, they needed this small advantage.

Slowly, Delphine approached Helena, pointing to her own ear and then her chest in a silent question.  Helena nodded and made space for her on the stump.  Delphine sat down eagerly but gently and put her ear to the phone as closely as she dared, without angering Helena.  She listened to the words of her girlfriend.

_“…and I need to know that you’re okay, Helena.  DYAD is a dangerous and powerful institute, and for some reason, they have a personal vendetta…  Just…  Helena, have any of DYAD’s men found you yet?”_

“No, sestra Cosima.  I have got my tent and I hide well.  That is all I need to intercept Eric and find your girlfriend.”

 _“Helena…”_   Cosima sighed, and her slightly laboured breathing was picked up by her phone, _“You’re my sister, so I_ know _that trying to stop you won’t work, but I_ need _you to promise me that you won’t cause utter destruction as you do this, okay?  Please, find Delphine because I can’t, but_ don’t, _like, blow up any more buildings, right?  We’ve had enough death already, but you_ must _remember that if you blow DYAD up, you also blow up the only chance I have of getting a cure.  Sure, it won’t be in the way I want it, but I_ need _DYAD now.  Do you understand that?”_

“Yes, sestra.  But I _will_ kill the traitor.”

 _“Oh no, Helena… don’t kill anyone. Bring Eric back here, will you?_ I _want to kill him myself!”_ she laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood, but neither Cosima nor Helena felt humoured – not even the secret third listener.  _“Helena, I know you’re already doing this totally awesome thing for me, but can you do something else for me, please?”_

“Yes.”

_“Can you- If you- When you find Delphine… can you tell her that I love her?”_

Delphine’s heart, which had formerly been soaring at hearing her girlfriend’s voice, was now shattering into pieces.  It was clear that Cosima was sick, and that strengthened Delphine’s belief that she was doing the right thing in following Helena, but she needed to be _there_ with Cosima at the same time!  She needed to be there to hold her, comfort her, and tell her that it would be okay…

Delphine felt sick to her stomach when she realised that she had done _exactly_ the same thing as Shay.  She just hadn’t been present to have an argument with Cosima about it and break her heart again in the process.  Delphine stood up as silently as she could and walked through the dewy grass in her boots to sit in the truck.  She left the door slightly open so that she wouldn’t make a loud sound as it closed.

 _I will be back next to her before either of us know it.  But… that’s what Shay had believed, was it not?  No, this will be different.  I’m not going to find a full cure; I’m going to get the research that was stolen from us.  But how do any of us know what they’ve actually done with it?  What if_ I _end up spending five years away from Cosima, like Shay?  Maybe more?  No.  I refuse to let that happen._

Delphine couldn’t deal with these worries swirling around in her head like a tornado of consciousness.  Blowing warm breath of her hands to heat them up and rubbing them together, she considered that right now, Cosima thinking that she was taken by force might possibly be more beneficial for Delphine than if she knew she had left by choice.  Sighing, Delphine rested her head on the driver’s wheel.  The horn screeched in her ears and she cringed.

Helena glared at her from her tree stump, still talking to her sister.

‘Sorry!’ she mouthed.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“…can you tell her that I love her?”

_“That will be easy, sestra.”_

“Thank you, Helena.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she started coughing and it got worse when she tried to breathe.  “Shit, okay, time for me to Bow out, Helena.  I’m kinda dying here.”  She coughed a little more for effect.

_“This joke is not funny, sestra.  But I shall Bow out also.”_

“Okay, see you.” She pretended to hang up the phone and then looked at her bodyguard. “Hey, Martin, I know this really isn’t your job, but I’m dying for a drink.  Would you go and get me a cup of coffee, please?” she coughed again, hoping to convince him.  At this rate, she would tempt fate _too_ much and she really _would_ start coughing uncontrollably. 

Martin seemed unsure for a moment but saw the bloody tissue that Cosima secretly conjured from her sleeve and he nodded.

“I’ll be back in a moment, Dr Niehaus.  This goes without saying, but please don’t leave this room without me.  DYAD men are on high alert.”

“Trust me, Martin, if I could stand up right now, I would be getting my own coffee."  She coughed again.  "Thank you, though.  I really appreciate it.”

“It’s not a problem,” he smiled thinly and left the ward.

Once he was out of the door and walking down the hallway to the coffee machine, Cosima brought the phone back to her ear and spoke quickly.

“Are you still there, Helena?”

 _“Yes, sestra.”_   Cosima’s body flooded with relief to know that Helena had caught their code word.

“Perfect...  I know she’s with you, Helena, and _don’t_ try to pretend she isn’t because I _know_ it’s true.  Put her on, now.  We only have a minute or so – I won’t be long.  Please, Helena.  Nobody else is here but me.”

 _“I am sorry, sestra, but we had to be careful.”_   Cosima’s heart was in her throat and she could feel it thumping.  Delphine was safe!  She was with Helena!  She could hear Delphine’s voice in her head now… the anticipation was making her sweat a little.

“I get that, I get that Helena, just _put her on please!_ ”

_“Cosima?”_

“Oh, shit!  Delphine!  Oh my _God_ , it is so good to hear your voice!”  The last few words of her sentence were lost as she hurriedly strung them all together, making them sound like one word.  Cosima wanted to cry.  She heard a car door close through the phone.  “Where are you, my love?”

 _“I… I’m not entirely sure, ma chérie.  Helena knows the way, I am simply driving and turning when she tells me to.  She says… she says we’re going to a party of some sort, though.  I’m not sure what she means… oh,_ merde _, Cosima, je t’aime!_ _Tu a me manqu_ _é beaucoup!”_   Delphine’s voice reached the borders of shrill as she spoke at a rate that Cosima couldn’t keep up with, even if she _could_ speak more French than a basic level.  _“Je suis désolée que je n’ai pas te dit où j’étais avant, mais j’ai perdu mon portable et c’était extrêmement dangereux- et ça- avait du sens-_ ”

“Hey, hey, Delphine it’s fine!  Shit… Delphine, I miss you too, God, I miss you _so much!_   I was freaking out when I heard what happened… but- but Delphine… fuck – I don’t have much time – I suppose what I want to say is… please come back.” Cosima’s voice was shaking and she couldn’t control it.  She needed to hang up, now, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

 _“Of course, of course, Cosima!  I will come back – with a cure for you, and we will save every single woman.  And after that, I swear, I will never leave you again.”_   Cosima could hear Delphine’s crying, and she felt her tears like they were acid on her own skin.

“Hey, baby, don’t cry.  I have to go now, but please, don’t cry.  You don’t need to cry!”

 _“Oui, I am sorry, ma chérie.  It just feels like such a long time since I’ve heard your voice and… it’s making me feel stronger but I feel so_ weak _…  Scott…”_

Cosima froze, and she felt a plummeting sinde her, deeper than her body had a capacity for.

“What happened to him, baby?”

 _“He was shot- just- just- right in front of me- and- he tried to protect you- and I feel so terrible for not stopping Eric- and- I’m_ so sorry _, Cosima, I tried to help him-”_

“Nonononono, Delphine, what happened was _not_ your fault, okay?  Don’t you _dare_ feel responsible for that!  I love you-”

Martin came back, coffee in hand.  Cosima swore under her breath but didn’t miss a beat, changing the tone of her voice immediately.  “Bye, mother.  Yes, I’ll make sure to send you the portfolio...  No, I don’t think I’ll be able to come home for the summer.  Because I’m very busy with work, I just said that.  Okay, bye.  _I love you_.”  She attempted to put as much emotion into those last three words as she could.

She hung up the phone, highly dissatisfied.  It was definitely not how she would have liked to sign off, but there was nothing she could do.  Helena and Delphine were right; this was probably the safest thing they could have done, and she had to respect that.  Her sweaty face served well to make her seem like she had just recovered from a coughing fit.  Martin didn’t seem worried.  To all intents and purposes, she trusted him, but she hadn’t expected Eric to be the spy, so she couldn’t put anything on the line, here.  Her guard handed her the cup of coffee and she thanked him gratefully.  She hadn’t been lying, she really _was_ dying for a drink.  It was hot, but not scalding, so she drank it quickly. 

Her phone buzzed.  She looked at it with interest.  Before she had time to reach for it, another buzz shook the phone.

She picked it up and read the first message.  It was from Sarah.

**We’re downstairs.  I knew you wouldn’t want us to come just after your physical which is why I didn’t tell you.  Make yourself presentable.  Art’s with us.  Only time he could spare.**

Cosima sighed.  She had wanted to speak to him, so she couldn’t complain, but this was just… really bad timing.  She looked at the second message.  It was from Helena.

**Sarah told me once that parties are cool.  I have not been invited to any.  Instead, I am visiting friend of friend as surprise.**

Cosima didn’t know exactly what it meant, but she was sure that she could work it out with a little time.  She turned to Martin.

“Hey, my family are coming now.  Do you mind if I get a bit of privacy with them?”

He nodded.

“I’ll wait outside as usual.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

They arrived a few minutes later.  Sarah handed Cosima a bag of what appeared to be more of her clothes, and then she and Kira left, saying they’d be back later.

Art apologised for not being able to come sooner, but Cosima waved him away.

“Don’t even worry about it, dude.  I know you have a heck of a lot on your plate right now.  Trying to get your job back is important.”

“Thanks, Cosima.  Now, what is it you need?”

“You’d better take a seat because you’re not gonna like it.”

“Why is it only ever bad news you have for me when I see you?” he said, grimacing in his typical way.

“Maybe because it’s never _just_ a social call.  But I get what you mean.  We should change that.  Maybe you come over dinner when I’m released from this hell-hole.”

“That bad?”

“Only for a certain reason.  You’re gonna want to hear this.  I’m guessing you heard about what happened at Topside?”

“Yeah, I did.  I’m still not part of the force, but I know they’ve got a forensics team there, and they took the statements of everyone, apart from three people.  I don’t need to tell you who they are, do I?”

“No.  But, I’ve spoken to Helena.  She’s trying to track down Eric.”  It certainly wasn’t a lie.

“She’s following him?  I swear to God, Cosima, if any more people die from this, you will kill more people than you save-”

“I’ve made her promise not to kill anyone.  She knows how much I need DYAD, so she has agreed to behave.  But that’s not what I wanted to tell you.  She told me that she’s going to a party.”

“Helena?  A party?  God, you all keep messing with my mind.  You must be joking.”

“No, that’s what she told me.  But check this; she said she’s trying to _intercept_ Eric.  Eric works for Leekie – the emails kinda make that pretty clear – so this party _must_ be connected in some way.  What do you think?”

“If it’s Helena, a party could mean _anything_ from a lunch date to a séance.  But… Helena’s sharp.  Maybe… I have an idea.  Do you have your laptop?”

“Yeah, sure.”  She opened her drawer where she kept the laptop in its bag and set it running for him.  When it was ready, she handed it over.

“Okay, so…” Art typed something into a web search and spent a few minutes looking for something until he snapped his fingers and looked at Cosima grimly.  “Got it.  Look here: it’s in three days’ time.”

Cosima took the laptop to look at the screen.  It was DYAD’s website.

“Oh shit…  _‘DYAD Open Evening Event with Speaker Dr Aldous Leekie'  ...s_ _hit_ , Art… I don’t think Helena’s really going for _Eric_ …”

“It certainly doesn’t feel like it, does it?”

“Shit!”  Cosima sprung up, pacing back and forth with her oxygen tank behind her.  “She’s gonna kill him!  Shit, shit, shit!  Art, we have to do something!”

“What can we do?  I can’t alert the police because that’ll put Helena in danger, and I’m not even a cop myself anymore!”  The brunette turned to him, her eyes full of fire.

“How quickly can you make yourself ready for a road trip?”

“Cosima… they’re probably halfway there now… we’ll _never_ catch up with them.  And if you think for one minute that I’m letting you leave this place-”

“In my condition?  Don’t fucking say it, Art.  I may be sick, but we need to stop this disaster and we have to do it _now_.  Delphine is being taken _straight_ to the man who is blackmailing her about the murder of her best friend – and I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking _she isn’t gonna be too happy to see him!_ ”

Art gaped at her.

“Delphine’s with Helena?  See now, how the hell do you know that?  You’re gonna _kill_ me one day, Cosima.”

“Art!  Major game-changing development happening _right now_ , it’s not the time to be questioning this!  How quickly can you get yourself ready for a road trip?”

“Shit, Cos!  I dunno, give me… three hours?”

Cosima put a hand to her head.

“That long?  Fine.  I’m ready to leave whenever.  Go, quickly.  And bring a fast car… a _very_ fast car.”

Art grumbled, but he left.  Cosima could only hope that she had put her trust in the right person.

The one question that troubled Cosima most was flying around in her head as she walked around her bed, getting her limbs moving once more.  _Why did Helena tell me?_

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“Aunty Cosima, what does the cannula feel like?”

“Hmmm… well, it doesn’t feel like anything, really.  It’s pretty easy to take on and off, and it isn’t painful.  If anything, it makes me feel better because it helps me to breathe,” Cosima smiled softly at Kira, who grimaced back.

Cosima moved from her bed, hating that she felt like an invalid.

“Guys, I need to go to the bathroom.  I won’t be a minute, alright?” she smiled at Sarah, Kira and Alison – who had joined the party, seemingly still feeling responsible for putting her here because of their argument – and left them to talk to each other, moving away with her oxygen tank, but Kira came with her.  She held her free hand, and they walked to the bathroom together.  The younger girl stopped her once they were a little way down the hallway.

“Something’s wrong, Cos.  You’re not telling anyone, but you’re not fooling them, either.”

Cosima looked at Kira as they stood there, and then she smiled.

“God, you’re _so_ like your mother.”

“Stop evading!  I know something’s up!  You’re doing that thing with your mouth!”

“What thing?” Cosima asked incredulously.

“You’re still evading!  Cos, if you’re worried about Delphine, we _all_ are.  We know that she only wanted to help you, and she protected Scott as best she could but-”

“Don’t- don’t go there, please- Kira.”

“I’m sorry… but you _need_ to tell someone what is going on!”

“Okay!  Okay!”  Cosima pulled Kira over to a bench and they both sat down.  She spent a moment formulating her words before she spoke.  “You know how I’m always late, right?”

“Yeah…” Kira answered, looking at Cosima suspiciously.

“Well, that’s _always_ been a thing.  When I was going for an interview for a job that could have ended up being my route to founding Topside, I woke up so late that morning that I had ten minutes to get dressed, eat breakfast and brush my teeth.  I left the house almost 45 minutes late.  Do you follow?”  Kira nodded.  “Okay, so, when I finally left, it took me a while to find a taxi, but eventually I did… except, there was a whole family of holiday goers who clearly needed the same one too, as they were laden down with suitcases and bags and shit. 

“When you need something, you tend not to think about anyone else; you just want the taxi so you can make it to your interview on time.  You tend not to even _care_ about other people, no matter how much _they_ might need the same thing as you.

“Now, imagine _you_ were in that family of tourists.  You _need_ that taxi, possibly to make a flight home – maybe _you’re_ late too… I don’t know.  All _I_ can tell is that _I_ am late, so _I_ need the taxi.  The problem is, our own motives are… _getting in the way_.  If either one of us got what we wanted… the other would lose out.  I would have lost the opportunity for a job, and my cure would be that much further out of reach, or the family would have had to pay an immense sum for a whole other flight, and possibly even emergency accommodation because they’ve had to stay here longer then they planned, you know?”  Cosima stopped talking, her mouth feeling dry, but Kira was looking at her, waiting for Cosima to say the sentence that would reveal the relevance of this anecdote.  “Kira… when looking at the correlated magnitudes of the consequences between the two… it’s difficult to say who _should_ have gotten the taxi.

“All I know is… _someone_ had to get the taxi.  It wasn’t me that time, but it _will_ be me this time.”

 Kira looked at her, possibly more confused than before.

“Cosima… why do you need a taxi now…?”

Cosima grimaced and looked at Kira.

“Maybe that was entirely the wrong thing to say.  But…  It’s not really about the taxi, Kira.  What I need to do… it’s going to hurt everyone here.  I know that.  But I _have_ to go.  _They_ want me to stay and heal, look after myself.  _I_ want to go and make sure that _they_ are okay.  I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.  But… no one except me is going to be happy with that decision.”

Kira bit her lips and then looked at Cosima frowning.

“You’re talking about Helena, aren’t you?  She followed them, to try to get Delphine back.  You’re going… to get them _both_ back… is that right?”

“Something like that, hun.  Something like that.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“You shouldn’t have told her, Helena.  Now she’s going to… track us down like a… rapacious eagle.”

“I have response for you.”

“Oh really?  Please, enlighten me, Helena.”

“You should not be so ugly.”

Helena laughed to herself, and before long, Delphine was laughing with her.  They ended up in a fit of giggles, so much so that Delphine had to stop the truck in the lay-by.  She heard a car zoom past them, which was the first car she had seen besides their own in the whole time they had been on their journey.  When she had stopped laughing, she looked at Cosima’s sister, and she felt such a strong affection for her that she couldn’t stop herself from holding her hand.

“Helena… will you just tell me why you did it?  Cosima is sick.  She needs to stay there.  This will only hurt her more – both physically _and_ mentally.  She will get cross with herself for being so weak, and then she will push herself so much she will end up doing some serious harm to herself.”

“Goldilocks, you are not doctor of my sestra.  You are girlfriend and colleague, but you do not have control over her.  You and I… we have both had control taken from us.  Me, the nuns… you, Leekie.  Do not fall into trap of becoming your demon.  Yours remains, no need for another.  I tell her because she has a right to know.”

Delphine nodded, humbled by Helena’s warning.  Then, she started up the truck again and drove off once more.  This road was just long as the one they had left, but more winding this time.  It made Delphine feel like she was doing more than just sitting.  She had read a sign a few miles back that told her they were close to a small little town.  They would be passing through it in a minute, and Delphine had suggested that they stock up on food in a small shop.  Helena had agreed.

She could see the sign up ahead that told them they had reached the town.  She slowed down the truck, and soon they were pootling through the streets of this tiny place.  It felt strange to Delphine, who had grown used to large cities.  It didn’t take them too long to find a grocery shop where they purchased some tinned soups, crackers, and bottles of water from a shopkeeper with severe bonhomie.

Delphine put the items in the bed of the truck and was about to refasten the tarpaulin when Helena stopped her, putting a hand on Delphine’s arm.  She frowned but kept her eyes on Delphine.

“Wait, doctor-puppy, I think something is wrong.  I have plan.  Drive into the carwash.”  Delphine nodded and then fastened up the tarpaulin.  She got into the truck, as did Helena, and they drove a few metres.  Before the machine started, Helena got Delphine to get out and go around to the bed of the truck.  She undid the tarpaulin again and then jumped inside.  “Come, Goldilocks, fasten the cover but leave the corner-”

“Helena, _what are you doing?_ ”

“Shh… when carwash is done, continue the rest of the way out of town.”

Sighing, Delphine did as asked, but not without a few grumbles.  She could see what Helena was doing, but she couldn’t see where the threat was coming from that had unsettled Helena, which only made her more nervous.  Once the truck had gone through the wash, she set off and made her way out of town, heading north in the newly sparkling truck.  She tried to drive slowly, but there was something obviously wrong, and she couldn’t stop getting gradually faster and faster until she realised she was speeding far too much and slowed down again.  This happened a few times and earned her quite a few angry drivers honking their horns at her.  This unsettled her even more, and she grew paranoid.  The next time Helena thought something was up, Delphine was going to demand that she share it.

After a few minutes, she found that she was close to the edge of town.  She sped up just a little bit.  Before she had a moment to register what was going on, a large black car came screeching around the corner she had just passed and it seemed hell-bent on trying to catch the corner of Delphine’s truck.  It succeeded.  She swore and sped up, desperately trying to maintain control of the car as it wobbled from the bump.  Finally stopping the twisted progress of the car, she tested the waters with a handbrake turn around the next right corner.  Whoever was in that car, if they turned too, it meant they were following her.  She barrelled down the small street in her massive truck, attempting to weave in and out of the lanes as a couple of other cars stood in her way, and sure enough, the black car followed her.  She swerved left at the end of the road, saw another left turn available, and took it.  She tried not to crash, but such a big truck made it incredibly difficult to manage easily.  She slowed down to take a right turn, hoping that the black car hadn’t caught sight of her and then swore again when she gave a thought to Helena in the back of the truck, possibly nearly having her neck broken by the jostling of the truck.  Delphine headed north up this road and realised she had run out of town buildings to cover herself with.  Sure enough, the car came out of the road she had just left herself and sped up when it had caught sight of her. 

It clipped the corner again, and then suddenly Delphine heard a loud crack come from the back of her truck, accompanied by a flash of bright light.  She flinched.  She saw that Helena was putting the weapons in the back to good use, poking a gun out through the gap in the tarpaulin and firing, the back of the truck providing the perfect cover for her.  It succeeded in shocking the car, which fell behind a little in surprise, but it quickly recovered.  After the first shot, another came, and then another, speeding up until Delphine's ears were abused by an onslaught of the rattle of gunfire and Delphine caved in on herself, feeling her whole body try to make itself as small as possible. 

 _Come on!  Now is not the time to let your fear of guns get the better of you!  It’s not like they’re pointing a gun at_ you _, anyway!_

She smashed the pedal against the floor and the truck sped away from the car behind her, giving Helena the chance to aim for the tyres of the car, but she kept missing, the terrain of the road not allowing for any margin of error.  The car sped up too, and before long, they had levelled with Delphine’s truck until they were side by side, Delphine’s truck on the right and the black car on the left.  Helena had lost her advantage and couldn’t aim for the car from the back of the truck’s bed.  The car was too low for Delphine to see who was there, but she didn’t miss the massive gun that was being held out of the window, pointed right at her front left tyre.  The only solution she had was to brake as gently as she could and let the smaller car barrel ahead of them.  It slowed down when it realised what she had done, and Delphine took the opportunity to slip down the gentle right turn, into a large road with ditches either side of it and trees that sloped over the road in an arch, giving it a green shade.  She knew it was the wrong direction, but she had no other choice.  She reasoned that these were DYAD men, and now they knew she was with Helena.  They couldn’t know.  She could see the car catching up to her with a celerity that she couldn’t help but be impressed by.  The truck was growing cumbrous with its lowered agility, but Delphine began to form a plan in her head.  She slowed down marginally, and allowed the car to catch up with her again, the gun from the passenger window aimed ominously at her wing mirror, occasionally firing, but missing.  The car caught up with her, and they were attempting to force each other into the ditches on the roadside. 

The size of the truck allowed Delphine the advantage here, and she put it to good use, swerving and crashing into the car as often as she could, but somehow it held its ground.  A movement from the back of the truck caught her attention, as the tarpaulin flew up and Helena jumped out, climbing on top of the roof so that Delphine could hear her feet clang on the metal just above her head.

Terrified, Delphine drove as carefully as she could, not wanting to knock Helena off, now trying to defend from the attacks of the smaller car on her, gunfire flashing, cracking, and scaring the shit out of her until the machine gun that Helena had adopted blasted holes through the roof of the small car.  The gun poking out of their window fell out of a now limp hand and dropped in the middle of the road, firing one last time with the jolt of hitting the tarmac.  Helena jumped from the roof of the truck down onto the roof of the car, and together, they all left the cover of the trees and found themselves heading straight for a bridge about a minute ahead… a single lane bridge, over a relatively small river. 

The sides of the car crushed together in an effort to force one or the other off the road.  One of them would go flying right into the river.  Only one of them would make it.  Delphine resolved to make it _her_.  Helena, still on the roof of the smaller car, was reaching into the driver’s seat and seemed to be fighting for control of the wheel with the person behind it.  She looked up and made eye contact with Delphine via the wing mirror, and nodded at her.  Terrified, but only seconds away from the bridge, Delphine manoeuvred right and then got ready to slam left into the smaller vehicle.  Desperately wanting to close her eyes, but knowing she couldn’t, she timed her veering to the left as well as she could.  She spun the wheel just as Helena stopped fighting with the driver of the smaller car and jumped from the roof of it and onto the tarpaulin of the truck.  Delphine was jolted so much from the connection with the black car, that her neck whipped forward and her seatbelt dug into her front, leaving her winded.  She gasped as she saw how close they were to the bridge and clipped the truck against the brick of the bridge as she only just managed to get in and across it.  Only once she had made it across the bridge, and Helena had managed to open the door of the truck and slip inside one again did Delphine actually brake and swerve, to see what had become of the car.

When the truck was finally stationary, she jumped out and ran back to the bridge to see into the river.  She gasped when she saw the crumpled mess that sat on the river bank.

“Goldilocks!  Take cover!” Helena shouted desperately, and Delphine turned around to run back to the car, but before she had run two steps, the car in the river exploded, sending shrapnel of car pieces and metal flying all over the place.  Delphine’s back was grazed by something she couldn’t name and her cheek was cut.  Delphine was thrown to the floor near to the truck, and her ears were ringing, but she slowly managed to get herself up onto her feet once more.

Wobbly and unstable, Delphine staggered over to the truck.  Helena jumped out and caught her as she felt her legs go weak again, and she stumbled.  She blacked out, a searing pain in her neck overwhelming her senses and forcing her to sleep.


	32. "For Some Must Watch While Some Must Sleep, So Runs the World Away." Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> This chapter took me a freakishly long time to write, but it is pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for it. I wrote a lot of this in a coffee shop today. I had three coffees, and now I have no money.
> 
> My mum is a wonderful, wonderful nurse, and I based this hospital off her hospital. She's a cancer nurse, so the wards are built differently, and it's not like A&E, but this is my artistic license coming into play. ;) I've spent many a time in that hospital, and I know the geography inside and out XD
> 
> I've napped a LOT this week, so, naturally, this chapter is all about... sleep. No joke, I'm being serious ;)
> 
> I wrote the second part of this chapter to the Skyrim Atmospheres, if you'require interested. Very good to fall asleep to, I can tell you :p
> 
> Thank you so much for being awesome, I would not be here without _you_.
> 
> Love,  
> Cody

_Jeremy Bentham; social reformer, legal theorist, philosopher._

_A strange dude, by all accounts.  Possibly the strangest thing he ever did was order his dead body to be dissected and then preserved.  On my trip to London a few years ago, I went to see that preserved head.  It wasn’t the most_ pleasant _experience of my life, but it_ was _pretty cool._

_He was, among other things, the creator of the well-known Panopticon._

_The Panopticon is a design for an institutional building – a prison, really.  The clever thing is, it turns the whole idea of imprisonment on its head: dungeons and cells were designed for three main purposes: enclose, deprive of light, and hide.  The Panopticon, however, merely encloses, and disregards the need for the other two-_

_But, I suppose it would help if I described what it is and how it works, first._

_Imagine… a small version of the Colosseum, except it has only one annular periphery.  At each of the windows, if you can even call them that, imagine a cell that holds one person, on each of the levels.  This can be any number of levels.  The cells all line around this building, like a circumference of convict cells, but the_ inside _of this circular building has no prison cells.  Instead, it has one tall tower that stands in the middle, raised and able to see into every cell.  The idea of it is that the one watcher in the main tower is constantly watching all of the prisoners – but the prisoners can’t_ see _the watcher, so even if they_ aren’t _being watched at that moment in time, they don’t_ know _if they are or not.  They are simply forced to act as if they have a permanent eye on them, because they can’t tell otherwise._

_Imagine… every single movement you make being monitored, watched and noted._

_Imagine… being so scared that you’ll be seen every second that you can’t even scratch an awkward itch._

_That is the purpose of the Panopticon._

_The theory is, once you’ve served your time, you leave, but you’ve grown so accustomed to being watched, that you believe you still are, even out of the prison.  With that fear, you will_ never _break the law again._

 _As I was saying, it turns the original ideas of imprisonment upside down.  Whilst formerly, prisoners may have grown fearful of, like, the dark for example, or enclosed spaces, or_ blindness _even, the Panopticon makes_ visibility itself _a curse to the prisoner._

_Whilst being absolutely genius, it is also absolutely cruel._

_What totally horrifies me, is that Bentham thought that it could be applicable to other institutions, like schools, hospitals and asylums._

_In some ways, he wasn’t wrong.  Schoolchildren wouldn’t dare to misbehave when they are being constantly watched, and the need for attention that manifests itself in some boisterous children would no longer be an issue._

_What_ would _be an issue, however, is that this method of teaching would merely create a whole generation of…_ terrified _individuals.  A school of this nature would breed people who would feel that same fear, a fear of authority and would be incapable of acting on any instinct at all._

_As much ‘society’ wishes it were not the case, divergent, revolutionary thinkers are necessary for the evolution of the human race.  Nothing good has ever come out of constant oppression, as history so clearly illustrates for us.  There is a very fine line between ‘order’ and ‘repression’, and-_

Cosima’s phone buzzed, dragging her out of her reverie.  She had a text from Art.

**15 mins away.**

Cosima nodded to herself and moved off the bed.  She was glad to be seeing the back of it.  She spent a moment gathering herself; she stood still, breathing in and out, feeling the cool, conditioned air scrape at her windpipe.  The tightness in her chest was painful, but the more deep breaths the took, the easier it became.  The rattle she could feel in her lungs was unsettling, but she would manage. 

She was a doctor.  She could beat this illness.  She had come so close already; a simple fire could not destroy from her mind the knowledge that she stored there.

She grabbed her oxygen tank and hauled it along.  It was heavier than all of the previous times she had pulled it, but she _had_ been lying awake the whole night, and the news she had heard and the conversations she had had, had taken their toll on her.  She was tired, so very, _very_ tired.

But she _could_  beat this.

She left all of her belongings where they were, and made her way to the nurse's station, where Martin sat chatting to a few of them.  He had explained, in minor detail, Cosima’s situation to them before, and they had been very helpful in making sure that Cosima was always looked after… and always watched.  Technically, Cosima employed Martin, and his job was security, which was desperately needed in light of DYAD's open hostility, but there were days when she wondered whether he was simply doing his job, or whether he was watching her _for_ someone else, in lieu of her protection.  Either way, he wouldn't just let her leave the hospital, which was how Cosima's rudimentary plan came into play.

When she approached the nurses’ station, Cosima could see that he had clearly just given one of them his number.  He looked suitably sheepish when he caught sight of the dreadlocked doctor smirking at him.

He straightened up, no longer leaning on the desk.

"Dr Niehaus... apologies.  I didn't see you."

"Dude, how many times?  Cosima is fine," she smiled at him.  “But…  I have neglected Shay for too long.  It’s kinda my responsibility to go and see her now, you know?  I’ve been lucky enough that the hospital have kept us both here, you know?  I have no idea what I would have done with her if she needed a place to stay - if she hadn't been hurt, you know?"

This was just the tip of the iceberg.  Scott had been the driving force after Cosima.  Now he was gone… Cosima hadn’t even been involved in making sure _anyone_ was okay.  She felt relatively guilty that she would be leaving everyone behind in such chaos, but… _look after number one_ , so they say.  She _needed_ the cure, she _needed_ to know that Delphine and her sister were okay, and she _needed_ to leave this hospital.  Doing what she needed was looking after herself, right?

Martin accompanied her, as he always did now.  They left Cosima’s ward and made their way to the lifts.  Shay was one floor below them, Cosima knew because she had walked behind Shay’s stretcher and accompanied her sleeping body to her own new bed.  She had visited her after her episode of severe probity, but Shay had been sleeping each time.  Cosima had begun to wonder whether Shay really _was_  asleep, but she only ever sat on the chair beside the bed, watching her.  She had nothing more to say to her, even if she _had_ wanted to say anything at all.

The lift seemed to take forever, and Cosima couldn’t help but feel like every doctor hurrying down the hallway, every nurse who smiled at her on his or her way past, was watching her crazily limp attempt at an escape and letting her think she might just get away with it, until they reveal their security to keep her trapped here.

In reality, they had done nothing before to indicate that they would keep her here by force, and Cosima was sure that that wasn’t even legal, and she was clearly letting her desperation get the better of her sense.

The lift came; they got in, and got out again when it arrived at the floor below them.  They made it to the entrance of Shay’s ward, where the guards stood together, talking quietly.  She caught their attention, and smiled openly at them.

“Hey, guys.  Go, take a break.  We’ll look after her for a bit.  You deserve a rest.  Thanks for working so hard.”  Mark and Styles looked at her, a little surprised, but they did what she said, walking off.

Martin and Cosima soon found themselves nearing Shay’s bed.  The dreadlocked woman was surprised to find that Shay wasn’t actually _in_ the bed.  She was just about to curse Shay for ruining her plans _yet again_ , when the woman in question appeared, walking slowly with a nurse at her side, providing support for Shay to lean on.  She hadn’t spotted them yet, and was talking to the woman, her voice slow and pensive.

“…but really, all things considered, I could have been shot in the neck, you know?  Or the spine.  I could be paralysed or dead.  I’m pretty lucky.”

“That you are, Ms Davydov.  And you are recovering excellently.  We’ve spoken to you about your mobility; you know that recovery will take some time, but- oh!  It seems you have some visitors.”

Shay’s face turned quickly, and she met Cosima’s eyes, her own slightly dark.

“Oh.  So I have.  Okay, thanks, Amanda.”  The nurse nodded, and let Shay walk back to her bed.  Martin nodded at Cosima and left, making sure he was close enough to help if either of them needed it, but not close enough to hear their words.  Shay moved slowly, and didn’t move her left arm, which had been put in a sling, her muscles needing to heal before she disturbed it.  Shay’s mouth formed a hard line as she sat on the edge of her bed, taking her time in looking at the floor before she looked at Cosima again, who said nothing until Shay was ready to talk.

“How are you, Cosima?  I heard about your seizure.  Forgive me for not being able to come and see you right away, I’ve been dealing with a hole in my chest that made me feel a little empty.”  Cosima snorted, and yanked her oxygen tank over to the side of the bed so that she could sit next to Shay.

“Nah, it wasn’t that bad.  I was able to come and visit you, at any rate.  Make sure you were okay and stuff.  Like, not-gonna-die-okay, rather than oh-yeah-I’m-fine-okay…  Does it hurt?” she asked, indicating Shay’s chest, where the bullet had ripped through her skin and out of her chest.  The smaller woman laughed.

“Every time I move.  Every time I breathe.  Every time I blink.  Even when I’m sleeping, I have dreams of how much it hurts.  But I’ll survive,” she grimaced, and Cosima returned it.

“I’m sorry you got shot.  You were my responsibility and… everything’s gone to pot.  I never expected DYAD to be so open with their violence.”

“No, don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Cosima asked, slightly offended.

“You’re being all ‘oh, it’s all my fault you’re hurt, I’m so sorry, I’m a terrible person’ but you’re _not_ responsible for _my_ being hurt.”

Something in Shay’s words confused Cosima.

“What do you mean?  _Your_  being hurt?  I don’t understand.”  Shay looked at her shoes, but then shook her head after a while.  She stood up and moved to her bedside table, fishing around in one of the drawers.

“It’s not important.  So, you said you came to see me before?”

“Yeah, every day.  You were always sleeping, though.”

“Oh.  Mhm.  Okay.”

Cosima bit the inside of her cheek, not understanding why Shay was being so aloof.  She decided to move on.

“So, Shay… you can’t tell anyone… but I think you have the right to know.  I’m going away.  For a while.”

Shay’s head snapped up and she winced, and muttered.  She looked Cosima in the eyes, her gaze intense.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

Cosima shifted on the bed, her collar growing hot.

“I mean, Topside has burnt down and Delphine’s been taken hostage.  I’m going to get her back, along with my research.  I need this cure.  Look at me, I have a few months, tops.  It’s now, or never.”

Shay stood up to her full height, and shook her head, her humourless laughter shaking her body.

“You know, that is _so_ predictable,” she spat, her mouth curling upwards dangerously like the curve of a scythe.  She stepped towards Cosima, bringing her good hand up and shaking it with ever point she made.  Her mouth grew tight with anger.  “I come back to you, warning you of a _spy_ , who turns out to be _real_ , then I get locked in a room meant for _dying women_ , I get forced to spend time with your current _girlfriend_ , in an apartment in which you had _sex_ , almost _everywhere_ , I get _shot_ , left here in a hospital where I have no one to help me, and _now_ , you’re just gonna _leave_ me?  To go and find our precious traitor of a girlfriend!  What do you think I’m gonna do?  Get your family to spend time with me?  They all fucking _hate_ me, they’d probably kill me in my sleep if they had the chance!”

Cosima’s mouth was agape, the barrage of words from Shay was overwhelming, and she had not been expecting it.  She was more surprised when Shay had even more to say, her voice lower and far more threatening.  “And you know what?  I don’t even know why I did it!  I saw him there, and it would have been _so easy_ , to just _let_ that bullet fly its _own_ course, but no, _I_ took it!  And then all I get for my _fucking sacrifice_ is _you_ , _stroking_ my hand, like a _pet_ , asking me why I didn’t just _die_ , just _bleed out completely_ , get _shot in the fucking heart?_   I don’t get it, Cosima!  What do I have to do, to get you to _trust_ me?  I don’t _care_ that you love her, I _understand_ , and that’s okay,” Shay’s voice began to wobble as she continued, “but I _need_ you to know, that _everything_ I have done for you is out of love, and I can’t do anything else!  I swear to God, Cosima, if you leave me here, you will effectively _destroy_ me, and there will be _no_ coming back from that!”  She dropped her eyes from Cosima’s and slowly sank to her knees.  She put a hand on Cosima’s thigh, and rested her forehead on the brunette’s knee.  She spoke through her sobs.

“I don’t need you to love me, Cosima…  I don’t ask you to be _bound_ to me; the only thing I ask is that you trust me… and give me the chance to… help you…  Don’t leave me when I can’t follow you!”  Cosima was baffled, but she stroked Shay’s hair.

“I’m sorry, Shay,” she whispered.

“No, you’re not.  You’re only sorry that you didn’t know I heard everything.”  Cosima had an idea.

“Be that as it may, I think you might like what I have in mind.”

Shay stood up and then planted herself back next to Cosima on the bed, wiping her eyes.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhm.  I have a friend trying to help me get out.”

“How is that working out for you?  It can’t be great, if you’re still here, spending time with me, no less.”

“He’s just gathering my stuff while I’m here.  I had to get my little guard out of the way so that he wouldn’t know, if you see what I mean.”

“Oh, great,” Shay sniffled, “you didn’t even come solely to say goodbye.  I’m just a distraction for your elaborate plan.”  The accusation that came with the words stung Cosima, but she ignored it.  She looked around the ward as she spoke, as if looking for another way out.

“Elaborate, Shay?  Far from it.  But anyway, I don’t really know… how we’re going forward from here… it’s taking longer than I expected…”

As if it had been rehearsed a hundred times, Martin’s phone started ringing.

Cosima continued to say lots whilst saying nothing, just rambling on at Shay, making it look as if she were having a conversation with her.  Martin looked over at them after his call ended, looking both worried and apologetic.

“Dr Niehaus, I’m very sorry, but I just got a call from the nurse’s station on your ward… something’s going on… someone the nurse doesn’t recognise is waiting around for you.  I’m going to go and see who it is, just to make sure everything’s okay.  If it’s anyone from work, I’ll just tell them to wait.”

“Oh…” Cosima put on as concerned a face as she could.  “Oh, thanks, Martin.  Do you want me to come with?”

“No, no Dr Niehaus, that’s totally fine.  Just be careful here, okay?  I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Ha, don’t worry Martin.  I’m really not going anywhere.  Neither of us is mobile!” she smiled at him, pointing to herself and Shay.

Martin smiled back and hurried away.  Cosima turned back to Shay.

“If you wanna come with me, you have about thirty seconds to gather up your belongings.”

“I have virtually nothing.  That’ll take five seconds.”  She opened the drawer she had been rifling through before, and put all of its contents into the bag that Cosima had requested that Alison bring in for Shay, as Cosima had taken it back to hers with her.  She was ready in _less_ than five seconds.  “Oh, and… do you have my gun?”

“That’s actually one of the things Art went to get.  Under the pretence of looking after it for me.  You know Alison, she’s pretty anal about guns in the house.  She’ll be glad to get rid of it.”

“And who is Art?”

“The friend who’s helping me.  Are you ready?  It’s time to leave,” Cosima said, as she checked her phone.

“Okay, I’m ready, but I have two guards standing right outside.  How are we gonna pass them?”

“I sent them for their lunch break when I arrived.  Why were they outside, though?  Do you hate their company just as much as I do?”

“Well, I told them to take a long walk off a short pier.  I said that if I could see them, I would put a bullet in them myself.  They may be protecting me, but I like to have a little privacy.  Their constant watching is unsettling, at best.”

“Are you sure that’s safe though?”

“Cosima, I said before, the guy I saw was aiming for your girlfriend, not for me.  I’m not a threat to them; the danger I posed already came to pass.  I’m pretty much irrelevant.  I’m fine without them.”

“Okay then, come with me quickly.”  Cosima stood up, yanking her tank into a moveable position, and then looked at Shay.  “You ready?”  Shay grimaced, her bag causing her some pain.  Cosima took it from her and balanced it on her tank.  They slipped out of the ward and hurried down the hallway.  Turning the corner to the stairs, Cosima almost bumped into Art, who was coming from the stairwell himself.  Her patted her on her left shoulder and in her other hand, slipped the key card he had pilfered.  Cosima shot off, but not before removing her source of oxygen, giving the tank with Shay’s bag on it to Art and telling him that Shay herself would be joining them.  With the key card, she managed to slip into the changing room at the end of the hallway without an issue.  There was a pile of clean scrubs, folded neatly by the entrance.  Cosima took what she needed and got changed quickly.  There was one other nurse in the changing room, but she avoided looking at them.  She had only changed on this floor so that there was less chance of her bumping into a nurse who had looked after her, but it wasn’t impossible that one would be here now.  She had to move slowly, due to her lungs not allowing anything else, but her movements were purposeful.  She hid her conspicuous dreads under a surgical cap, but still not satisfied, she removed her glasses as well.  As disguised as she could get, she attached the key card to the chest of her scrubs, and then left the changing room, opening the door slowly, hoping not to attract unwanted attention.

She hurried to the stairs, nodding at vague outlines of people that could easily have been well-endowed IV poles.  Reaching the stairwell, she took the service elevator down, the one that needed the key card to operate.  She could have met anyone taking the public use ones.  When the doors opened on the main floor, she stepped hesitantly out and was met with the sight of lots of blurry, folded wheelchairs… or, at least, that’s what she _thought_ they were.  She looked up, and saw someone trying to organise them.  She smiled at their outline, and the other person – _possibly_ a man – nodded at her. 

“Oh!” she spoke, “Think I can take one of these off your hands?” she smiled at the shape, hoping she looked friendly and easy-going.

“Sure!  I’m struggling with them enough as it is!  One less would be fine by me!” he said, unfolding one for her to use.  “What floor you gonna take it to?”

“It’ll end up on the third floor.  Patient is Cosima Niehaus, suffering from-”

“No, no, that’s okay.  You know the medicine.  I’m just here to keep the hospital running, don’t keep… your patient waiting for a chair on my account!  Have a nice day,” he smiled – she thought – and she smiled back at him, returning the sentiment.  She took the wheelchair, and walked out into the atrium, leaving the caretaker to his job.

She kept her eyes trained on the blurred grey of the wheelchair seat, occasionally flicking her eyes up to make sure her path was clear, but she nearly had a heart attack when a familiar voice rang out from right next to her, where the public elevators were located.

“-and you know, she’s probably chatting up one of the doctors!  _Why_ do you want to disturb her _now?_ ”  Felix’s voice rang out loud and clear.

“Because she’s _planning_ something, Fe!  Kira took her sweet time in telling me, and I need to know that she isn’t gonna go and run off or some shit!  We can help her with whatever she needs – I will _kill_ for her, so she’s stupid if she thinks-”

Sarah’s voice was cut off as the doors closed.  Cosima, blushing and embarrassed as if Sarah had told her off to her face, considered giving up her foolish plan, but someone jostling her from behind made her move on.  She headed towards the large doors that marked her way out.  She couldn’t see properly, and clipped a few people’s ankles with the footrests of the wheelchair, but she apologised and moved on too quickly each time for anyone to be able to stop her.  She made it to the doors and once she was outside, she took a deep breath of filthy car park air.  Now _that_ was refreshing.  She was, however, beginning to feel the lack of oxygen entering her lungs.  Replacing her glasses, she spotted Art waving to her, standing by his car.  She hurried over to him and Shay, who she could see sitting in the back.  She tried to abandon the wheelchair, but found that she needed it for support as she walked, her legs getting weaker.  Once she reached Art, she puffed out breathlessly.

“Oxygen tank, please!” and Art opened the door for her to the front passenger seat, where the oxygen tank was waiting for her.  Attaching it, she breathed in deeply, but headrush came swooping in on her, making her feel lightheaded.  Recovering slowly, she only heard Art when he repeated his question for the second time.

“Huh?”

“What’s the wheelchair for?” he asked, his eyebrows raised.

“I would’ve gone for a Zimmer frame, but I thought the wheelchair was more stylish,” she smirked.  

“Think we’ll need it?”

“If I can’t go ten minutes without my oxygen tank, then it’s very possible.”

“I’ll put it in the trunk.  We’ve still got some space,” Art grumbled, and he did as he said.

In a matter of seconds, Art had folded the wheelchair, closed the trunk, and got into the driver’s seat.  He turned to look at the two sitting in the car.

“You both ready to go?  The next pit stop won’t be for…” he glanced at his watch, “at least two and a half hours.”  When both Cosima and Shay nodded their assent, Art set off, leaving the hospital behind, yet heading towards even more injury.

“I said get a _fast_ car, Art.  This is slower than a freaking Peel P50!”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Ever so slowly, her eyes opened.  There was a _lot_ of green, and Delphine had to blink a lot to get accustomed to the brightness of… wherever she was.  Muscles aching and pained, she found her arms wouldn’t rise up.  Only then did she realise that she was lying on her front.

Her feet were tired, tingling in her boots.  Her legs were sore, and parts of them throbbed, most noticeably a section of her left gastrocnemius, which complained heavily.  Her back… her back was aching, and she knew she would be foolish to attempt to move too quickly.  She moved her neck slowly and felt a jab of pain across the left side of it.  She groaned, and a piercing yet quiet wail moaned in her ears, a high pitched ring, the origin of which, she could not locate.  Her left cheek, which was being touched softly by the air, stung, and she brought a hand up to trace the gash that she would feel there. 

She dragged both her arms sluggishly up to her head, and painstakingly slowly, turned her left arm around, to bring a finger to her cheek.  There was nothing there, yet it burnt upon the contact.  She gasped, and retracted her hand quickly, the speed making her back jolt.  She cried out, choking.  She brought her hand to her face again, and started at her hairline.  Her skin was smooth there; she had not sustained any damage.  Her sloping eyebrows seemed unhurt, the fine hairs merely dishevelled.  Her thin nose felt okay; the only irregularity the freckle on the end that she knew so well.  Her mouth felt smooth, but she felt a sharp pain on the top left of her upper lip, and she moved her hand away again.  Confused, she touched the pain again.  It hurt like hell, but there was nothing under her fingers.  She moved her hand to her cheek once more, and touched the area that hurt, as gently as she could.  There was… nothing there, yet her fingers agonised her skin beyond belief.  She could hear the birds in the trees, she could hear the rustle of the leaves, the wind whipping in and out of the branches and seducing her ears, convincing her that she was safe, yet… she could feel only the pain of her distended injuries.

Confused, Delphine flattened both of her hands against the surface she lay on.  It was cold to the touch.  She tried to push her body up onto her knees, but something stopped her.  She groaned, but a voice caressed her ears, soothing her.

“Shhhh… don’t move.  You’re hurt.”  Delphine’s brain slowly caught up, and her mouth curled up slightly, but the pain stopped her from smiling too widely. 

“Cosima?” she murmured, her voice dry and scratchy in her throat.  The tinnitus in her ears abated, and she could hear Cosima’s voice much clearer.

“Mhm… I’m right here, my love.”  A hand touched her back softly, stroking her just beneath her right shoulder.  She hadn’t been hurt there.  Cosima’s voice spoke softly and slowly, allowing Delphine to understand her with her lowered cognitive state.  “It took me ages to find you.  You’re pretty well hidden here in this… sylvan paradise.  I like it here.”  The hand drew gentle circles on Delphine’s back.

“The birds… the birds are beautiful,” Delphine slurred.  She tried to look behind her, but her neck hurt too much.  “Please… help me up, _mon amour_.  I need to see you.”

“Okay, but only very slowly and gently.”

Costively, she managed to push herself up onto her knees with Cosima’s help, and they were careful not to disturb the phantom injuries.  Her leg complained, so she slowly managed to turn around, and sit with her legs stretched out in front of her.  And there she was, Cosima.

Delphine relaxed, finally able to see her love.

“ _Je t’aime,_ ” she smiled softly, and she reached out her right hand for Cosima, who came and sat next to her.  She put her hand on Cosima’s cheek, and then pulled her in for a kiss.  Once parted, she touched their foreheads together.  “I have missed you.  It has not been that long, but I dream of you still, unable to reach you.  ‘ _Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed / The dear repose for limbs with travel tired; / But then begins a journey in my head / To work my mind, when body’s work’s expir’d: / For then my thoughts – far from where I abide - / Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee…’”_ she hummed, her throat still sore.  Cosima kissed her right cheek, and continued when Delphine trailed off.

_“‘And keep my drooping eyelids open wide, / Looking on darkness which the blind do see: / Save that my soul’s imaginary sight / Presents thy shadow to my sightless view, / Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night, / Makes black night beauteous and her old face new. / Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind, / For thee, and for myself no quiet find.’”_

Delphine giggled quietly.

“I didn’t know you liked the sonnets that much.”  Cosima’s eyes twinkled in response.

“I don’t.  But I’d do anything for you.”  Delphine smiled at her.

“How are you, _mon amour?_   I understand that it couldn’t have been easy for you, me having left you behind, to go on a fool’s errand.  I was stupid, I got myself hurt.”  Cosima’s eyes turned sad.

“With every cut you sustain, I am cut too.  But this wasn’t your fault.  Those bastards had to die.  I would die myself if I found you dead.”

“I am sorry I hurt you.”

“No, Delphine.  No, you haven’t hurt me.  My love for you is what rips me apart.  And that’s something that I have to deal with.  You’re here because you tried to protect me.  I’m here, because I would follow you barefoot until the Earth made my feet bleed, and even then, I wouldn’t stop.  I would walk naked through thistles if you were on the other side.  Don’t apologise to me, I make my own decisions because I think they’re the right ones to make, and I realise that you do the same.  Every time, you have done the thing that you thought best, dealing with the crap that life dealt you.  And I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there to help you through the first bit, but I’m here now.  And you won’t have to make those hard choices alone again.”

“ _Je t’aime._ ”

“I love you, too, Delphine.  But come with me.  I have something I wanna show you.”  Cosima helped Delphine to stand up, and she got to her feet unsteadily.  She took a moment to take in her surroundings once more, now she could see so much.  Head swinging slightly stiffly, she turned her head from side to side, taking in her surroundings.  There were trees all around, but the thing that Delphine was standing on – the _truck_ – was in the middle of a clearing.  She felt protected by the trees, as if they were hugging her close and looking after her.  Her body swayed with the power of the wind, her own muscles lazily unable to hold her upright.  Cosima helped her, and together they made it off the bed of the truck.

Leaning on Cosima, Delphine was led by her through the trees, following a tiny path that had been eroded by feet before them.  Cosima spoke softly all the way, keeping Delphine’s focus on her, not letting it wander where the brunette would not be able to follow.  Before long, Cosima stopped, effectively halting Delphine’s own limping gait.  The dreadlocked woman grinned at Cosima, and pointed ahead of them.  Delphine’s attention slowly moved to what lay there.

It was a house, in the middle of the woods.  No, it was… _her_ house.  The only place she had ever truly known as home, the building she had grown up in with her parents, back in France.  She smiled, and pulled Cosima towards it, her limbs getting slightly less pained with each step she took towards it.  Cosima stopped her when they reached the door, the lavender still there, delighting her nose.  Delphine tapped it, and watched it swing on its string.  Cosima let go of her hand.

“I’ll wait out here for you…”

“ _Non_ , I want you to come with me.  This is my home, _you_ are my home.  I want to show you this part of me.”

Hands clasped together, they walked in, except it was not the hallway, as Delphine had been expecting.  It was her bedroom, where her desk took pride of place, and her bed was pushed to one side against the wall.  Cosima, eager, sat down at the desk, getting a feel for the passion that the younger Delphine must have had. 

“It’s beautiful, Delphine,” Cosima breathed, lightly brushing her fingers over Delphine’s old things… her battered English dictionary, the ordered notebooks and textbooks to the left, the stationery and pots of pens to the right.  Cosima laid her head down on the desk, and was soon still, only her back rising and falling with her breath.

“Then, you fit with it perfectly, _ma chérie_ ,” Delphine whispered.  She leaned against the wall for support, watching Cosima as she slept.  Her breathing lit up the room, and the light on the ceiling of Delphine’s room seemed to throw its beams solely to her.  Delphine’s heart skipped a beat, and she closed her eyes, breathing in Cosima’s scent.

When she opened them again, she had moved.  She was in the kitchen, still in her home.  She registered a blur of movement, and suddenly there was a dog upon her, jumping up and down, frenzied in its movements, yapping, and howling delightedly.

“Brie!  Oh, Brie!  It’s you, it really is you, my little puppy, Brie!  Oh, _je t’aime!  Je t’aime!  Je t’aime!_   I have missed you so much you gorgeous little wonder!”  Her little dog was so delighted to see Delphine again and would not relent in licking Delphine’s face all over, nuzzling her and running around her in circles.  Delphine laughed and stroked his face, her heart aching from over the years, her limbs aching from a time unrelatable to now, yet had nit been so long ago.  Brie ran away again, to the kitchen door and back to Delphine.  She looked up, and saw-

“ _Maman…_ ”  Delphine’s voice got stuck in her throat.  Her lip wobbled, and she looked at her mother closely.  She looked exactly the same as the day Delphine had left.  She was wearing the same clothes, if Delphine wasn’t mistaken.

“Delphine,” her mother smiled benevolently.  Delphine ran to her mother across the kitchen and hugged her as tightly as she could, letting the older woman communicate a love that Delphine hadn’t felt in years through their embrace.  Her mother, the first woman Delphine had admired, the woman she admired above any other, the only woman in France who had supported Delphine’s ambition.

She looked at her mother, her tired eyes the only hint that time had passed between their last meeting.

“Where is Papa?”

“It is just Brie and me, today.”

“Maman… is he okay?”

“He is just as okay as I am.”

“Are you… are you all… still alive?”  Delphine trembled at the thought of getting the answer she didn’t want.

“ _Non_.  We were not young when we had, you _mon trésor_ , we did not get younger.  Your father went first, Brie followed.  I was last.”  Delphine burst into tears.

“Oh, Maman!  It is my _fault!_   I should have tried to come back, I should have fought harder to come home to you, I should have tried to send you more letters than I did, I should have done _anything_ more than the pitiful attempts I made!  _Maman_ , I am _so sorry!_   I am so, so sorry that I-”  Her mother’s older, more tired voice stopped her from speaking.

“Delphine, you have _nothing_ to apologise for.  I am your mother, I should have been there.  I should have followed you to Canada!  I should have done _everything_ in my power to ensure that my baby was safe.  I should have _murdered_ that man before he could ever have laid eyes on you.  _I_ failed _you_ , and that is my own fault.”

Delphine clung onto her mother more tightly, believing that if she were to let go, this would be the last she ever saw of her, even though this was-

“This is a dream, isn’t it?”

“ _Oui_ , _mon trésor_ , it is a dream.”

“But then, how can I know that you mean what you are saying to me, when it is just a figment of my imagination?”

“The problem with you, Delphine, is that you _know_ the answer, deep inside, but you _refuse_ to accept it.  You _refuse_ to forgive yourself, and you punish yourself, even though you made the right decisions later on.  We forgive you, all of us.  And remember, “A dream itself is but a shadow”.  It is… difficult, sometimes, to determine what is real and what is not, but you can still _see_ that it is _there_.  I am forgiving you in your dream, because you _know_ , in your heart, that I did in real life.  That I still do, and I will still forgive you, for as long as my memory lives in you.  Your grandmother… she made some mistakes… I made plenty myself, and in knowing those mistakes, it becomes much easier to forgive the mistakes of others, especially when that person is your daughter.”

Delphine kissed her mother’s cheek, and her mother kissed hers.  “There is one last person, Delphine.  You must face her at some point, and there is no better time than now.”

Delphine nodded, and walked to the back door of the house that led onto their garden.  The old door creaked open, and Delphine was greeted with a grim sight.

It was the playground next to which Danielle had been buried, and the sky was turning towards sunset, a soft red lighting the area.  The girl in question was sat on the roundabout, smiling at Delphine.  Nervously, the blonde approached her old friend, and Danielle stood to welcome Delphine into her arms.  Delphine hugged her softly, but winced when Danielle brushed the gash on her back.

“It has been a very long time, Delphine,” Danielle whispered, and Delphine nodded.  Danielle led her to sit next to her on the roundabout, and used her foot to push them both gently along in the large circle.

“It is foolish to ask how you are, _non?_ ” Delphine grimaced, and Danielle laughed.

“Ah, Delphine, but I am not dead right here, right now, am I?  I am talking to you.”

“After so many years…  You know, the one thing I miss about you the most, is the discussions we used to have.  We could talk for _years_ about _anything_.  I don’t talk to many people, anymore.  I used to drown my sorrows in alcohol, looking at the pictures I had of you, blaming myself again, and again, and again.”

“I know.  If I am in your head now, what makes you think I wasn’t before?  I know how much you hurt, I _know_ how much pain my death caused you.  The problem was, you kept your guilt so tightly bound that I could _never_ make you see just how wrong you were.  _I_ fought Ferdinand, _I_ was the one who stood in the line of fire, and _he_ was the one who pulled the trigger.  I do not blame you, Delphine, not one bit.  You made _one_ mistake, and that was allowing Leekie to talk to you that day in the bookshop.  From the moment you let him speak, he controlled you.  But you are not responsible for my death.  And whilst I was dealt but a moment’s pain at the end, you have had to suffer a great deal of torment and abuse.  I am sorry that I could not stay alive for you.”

“Dani, I cannot forget the blood.  I am haunted by it.  Every time I close my eyes, it’s there, washing over my hands, spilling all over my clothes, dousing my skin.  And I cannot wash it off.  Nothing I ever tried helped and nothing ever will.  No soap, no salts, no perfume.  I walk around every day, smelling the iron tang of your death.”

Danielle took Delphine’s hands into her own.

“That is not my blood you dream of, _mon cœur._ ”

Delphine’s back underwent a spasm and she fell off the roundabout, and she cried out, the intense pain of her back causing red flashes to take over her sight.  She screamed in agony as she felt something piercing her skin repeatedly, she cried out, the pain too much.

“Stop!  Stop it!  Stop!” she cried.  Danielle appeared next to her, and she gripped Delphine’s hand, and she spoke clearly through Delphine’s screams.

“Delphine, if there is one thing you take from this, promise me that it’s forgiveness!  We have done all that we can to try and convince you of your innocence, but forgiveness is the attribute of the strong, and comes only from within when it is yourself you have to forgive!  Promise me, Delphine!  Promise me that you will forgive yourself!”

Delphine could do nought but shout, her whole body shaking, but she promised Cosima, she promised her mother, she promised Danielle.

_I’m sorry!  I forgive you, Delphine.  I forgive you your foolish, foolish self._

_I would follow you barefoot until the Earth made my feet bleed, and even then, I wouldn’t stop.  - I am forgiving you in your dream, because you know, in your heart, that I did in real life.  That I still do, and I will still forgive you, for as long as my memory lives in you. - “That is not my blood you dream of,_ mon cœur _.”_

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

She gasped awake, taking deep breaths of cold, scratchy air, her arms reflexively coming up level with her head and pushing against the cold surface that her cheek had not successfully warmed up with its heat.  It was _cold, cold, cold._   She felt her back spasm again, but a strong hand kept her forced down.

“Do not move, Goldilocks!  You will ruin stitches!  Be still, be still!”

“Wha-  Wha-  Where _was_ I?  Where _am_ I?  Is it daytime?  _Merde_ , what _happened?_   Am I alive?  I thought I died… yet here am I am… _merde_ I can feel that needle in my back!  What is happening?”

“Stop moving!  Your breathing is moving body, stop breathing!”

“Helena?  Is that you?  Helena, I can’t see you!”

“That is because your back is torn.  I am fixing.  Stitching.  Stop moving!”  Delphine was pushed down, and with a gasp, the air was knocked out of her, effectively stilling her long enough for Helen to finish her work.  “You are not ready to move.  _Do not move_ or you will ruin stitches.”

Delphine could feel _everything_ that she felt before, but it was ten times worse.  Her back ached worst of all, but the cuts and bruises that she had sustained were truly tangible now.  There was a deep gash along her cheek, her mouth had been cut, and her neck was grazed, but she was too scared to move her arm far enough down her body to feel either her back or her leg.  She was gasping, her breath returning to her and making her back stretch.  Helena appeared again, and slowly, she was able to get Delphine to close her mouth over a small straw and drink some water.  It soothed her parching throat and slipped down into her horrifyingly empty stomach, which growled moments later.

“ _Non… non…_ I don’t want to be here…” Delphine felt a tear slip from her eye as she cried into her hands. “Let me go back!  Let me go back!  Let me go back to my mother!  Let me go back to Danielle!  Let me stay there, where I can still be with them!  It is better there.  It was so nice there, I want to go back!”

“Much silliness, Goldilocks.  Sestra Cosima is in this world, and with her is future.  You do not want to live in past, or in dreams.”

Delphine wept, but she knew that these would be the last tears she would shed for a long time.

“Helena… what happened?”

“You got shrapnel in your body.  I have cleaned all the wounds and stitched your leg and your back.  The rest will heal fine.  The back will take some time.”

“ _Merde!_   We will miss that party, _non?_ ”

“I can drive, but it is not pleasant.  You will be able to move soon, but for now, you must let your body rest.”  Helena lay down beside Delphine, looking into her eyes.  “What did you dream, Sestra-Del-fin?  You talk in sleep, I hear sad things.”

“I dreamt- I dreamt of three women… Cosima, my mother, and my old friend Danielle.  Oh, and my dog, Brie!” Delphine laughed, a smile claiming her face.  “I fear my family is dead, but I cannot be sure.  It was a dream.  But I haven’t spoken to her in many years… it is possible.”

“I think it better not to think.  If she lives and you think she is dead, you lose more time.  If she died and you think she lives, you have false hope.  You will be crushed by it.  Try to ignore it.  I cannot help in many ways, but I will do what I can.  Family is important, and you are now my sestra.”

Delphine smiled.

“You are my family too, Helena.  I don’t care how hard it is, we will get the fucking research, and we will cure Cosima.”

Delphine drifted into sleep once again, but this time it was dreamless and calm, a sleep that Delphine would have killed for many times.  Maybe, just maybe, she had kept her promise.

Maybe… she had begun to forgive herself.


	33. "For Some Must Watch While Some Must Sleep, So Runs the World Away." Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovely, darling Reader,
> 
> I wanted there to be another part to this chapter, but I didn't realise how much I had written, and it was getting longer than I could manage!  
> I hope you enjoy it!  
> The town in this chapter isn't real. I made it up all on me lonesome, essentially being super smart and merging two French words (coz it's Canada innit) "Connaissance" meaning _knowledge_ and "Instruit" meaning _knowledgeable_ / _educated_. Slow clap for my original thinking, please ;)  
>  Endless upside down umbrellas all full of love on this rainy week,  
> Cody

She watched her curiously.  It was painful, really, scrutinising the woman in her sleep.  The problem lay in the realisation for her that… it wasn’t the same.  She should have laughed at herself for believing that it could have been.  Cosima wasn’t the same person as she had been five years ago, and so obviously, Cosima didn’t sleep in the same way, either.  It hurt Shay more than she could put into words- more than she could translate even in her thoughts.  And yet, it wasn’t a _pain_ , but more of an _ache_.  It shouldn’t have hurt her, but it did.  A lot.

She was no stranger to heartbreak; leaving Cosima had hurt her beyond repair, but this was different  This was a tugging inside her body that pinned her down, looked straight into her eyes and said, “this is your fault.”

And Shay knew it was true.

Contemplating Cosima, the differences were so clear to her, differences that she knew would _not_ be there had she stayed with the woman she loved.

Cosima’s breath was shallow and wheezy.  Shay was sure that she could hear something inside Cosima's lungs rattle around like tiny grains of rice in a small tin.

Cosima groaned, moved, and sweated restlessly.  Before, she had slept so deeply that it would be impossible to wake her until at least an hour after she needed to have gotten up.

Cosima lay curled up into herself, small.  She had _never_ been small – her physical stature be damned, everyone noticed when Cosima was around.  She had this… _energy_ about her, and it called gently to everyone there.  It wasn’t brazen, it was _captivating_.  When Shay had watched her sleep years ago, she slept like she owned the bed -  _especially_ when she _didn’t_.  But now, everything about her cried of defeat.  She was no longer strong and commanding, but weak and… small…

If she had become so beaten down by this illness, then Shay was to blame, no doubt about it.  If she had just stayed, then she could have been with Cosima every step of the way, forcing her to remain strong.  And yet, here she was, hardly the amount of two days spent with Cosima, and Shay already felt her hope slipping away.  If she _had_ stayed… would she herself have succumbed to the despair that had taken over Cosima?

Maybe it was best this way, being a fresh bout of resolve for Cosima, being the driving force when Cosima was so debilitated herself.

But… Cosima had been the one to get them out of the hospital.  Shay had not played a part in that.

Shay straightened in her seat when a nasty thought forced its way to the forefront of her mind.

Cosima _hadn’t_ given up...

Deflated inside but rigid on the outside, Shay pressed her eyes shut, hugging herself on the motel chair that she sat in that faced the bed.

 _Delphine_ was Cosima’s driving force.

Shay was a fool if she thought she could usurp that place – or ever gain it back legitimately ever again.  She knew that Delphine was the only one who could claim that place now.  She had to accept that.

She was pulled out of her reverie as the door of the motel room was knocked on in the pattern Shay had suggested.  She quietly rose from her chair and went to open the door.

Art entered, laden with their dinner in his arms, still warm.

Shay nodded to him in greeting and he moved to the small table across the room, putting the food down quietly, attempting not to disturb the sleeping woman, who was so exhausted that she couldn’t even last more than a few hours in the car.  After looking at Cosima for a few seconds, Art pulled Shay gently back outside of the room and closed the door behind him.  She pulled her cardigan closer around herself, trying to keep warm in the weather than seemed to have grown worse since they had arrived here just half an hour ago.

“I’m worried about her,” Art stated.  “I knew she was sick and I knew she was getting weaker, but I didn’t realise it was _this_ bad.  All we’ve done is drive here because she was blocking her windpipe sleeping in the car.  If I’d known she would be so wiped out by just a car journey, I might have kept her at the hospital.  You’re the doctor.  Tell me, is this too dangerous for her?  Should we turn back while we can?”

Shay leant against the wall, considering his words.  She pursed her lips and tightened her arms that crossed over her front.

“Everything you’re saying is true, Detective.  She isn’t strong enough for this.  But there’s one problem… when Cosima wants something badly enough, she won’t let it go easily.  Even sick, we’ve both seen how hard she’ll try…”

“But will she _survive_ it?”

Shay sighed.

“If we look after her, and stop her from running herself into the ground, then she will.  But not if she keeps pushing herself and _us_.  Then none of us recover from this.  You’re exhausted yourself, we all need to sleep, Cosima most of all.”

“Has she told you everything?  I’m pretty sure she’s still hiding a lot from us, and I don’t know what she plans to do if she ever _finds_ Helena and Delphine – the chances of which are _really_ slim – but she can’t walk for more than half an hour and you yourself can only use your right hand.  I’m leading a band of misfits in an attempt to find two women in the wilderness before they reach a man Cosima thinks will do them harm.  It’s fucking stupid.”

Shay’s brows furrowed, and slowly she turned to the grumpy man.

“Detective, I think that you’ve known Cosima as she is now for much longer than me, but one thing about her is still the same.  She’s kind of an open book.  And, it’s glaringly obvious that Cosima has _no idea_ what she’s doing, either.  For some reason known only to Helena, she _told_ Cosima where they’re headed, and Cosima latched onto it, because like it or not, Cosima isn’t living for herself; she’s living for her family, for Delphine, for the women she is desperate to save by finding a cure, and so if anything happens to _them_ , she will essentially lose the will to live.  I think… she has a vehement need to make sure that nothing happens to them.  As well the fact that she can’t sit still for more than a minute at a time when she’s conscious.  But… as for where Helena and Delphine are _right now_ … I might be able to help with that.”

“Oh yeah?” he looked at her, frowning as usual.

“Yes.  I told you to come here for a reason.  Cosima needs some proper sleep, not in a car, and… this is also Connuit, a town I have visited on many occasions.  I was here only a couple of weeks ago.  I have a close friend who lives out here and she can help us.”

“Help us how?” he asked, stepping forward ominously.

“I need to talk to her first.  It might be a wasted stop, but you could do with some sleep too.  Cosima told us that the party at DYAD is happening in three days’ time, so obviously, we need to be on the move again as quickly as possible.  I suggest you sleep while I’m gone.  If we travel at night, so be it.  It might make us harder to follow, too.”

“Hmm.  Can you trust this friend of yours not to reveal that you’ve been here?”

“If I can’t we’re too late.  She definitely already knows that we’re here.  But yes, I can trust her.”

“Okay.  Well, I suppose it’s up to you now.  Do you wanna take some food with you, though?”

“That would be sensible.  But Cosima’s getting restless in her sleep.  She must be having a bad dream or something.  You’ll be okay here with her, right?”

“We’re not that close, but we certainly aren’t strangers.  We’ve dealt with a lot together in a very short space of time.  We’ll be fine.  Do what you need to do, Doctor Davydov.”

“Oh God, Shay sounds so much better, please.  Doctor Davydov is far too close to Doctor Dolittle than I’m comfortable with.”

“Well, good luck, Shay.  I hope you find what you’re looking for… for all of our sakes – especially Cosima’s.”

Shay nodded, and she went back inside the motel room to pick up the things she would need for her small outing. 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

It didn’t take her long to find the nearest bar to the motel.  When she had visited before, she usually kept to the east side of the town, but she knew how the system worked, so it would hardly matter.  The crisp air outside seemed to melt around her as she stepped into the warm interior of the bar.  Gingerly, she shrugged out of her coat, favouring her left arm, still in its sling.  It was a little painful to take the coat off, but she managed it without much difficulty.  After an initial glance around the bar, she was met with no immediate success but, remaining confident, she strolled over to the main bar.  Knowing that she must look like quite a strange sight, a young woman in a bar on a weekday afternoon, she blended in as well as she could with the other people in the bar, who looked like the usual miserable alcoholics.  She grimaced miserably at the bartender and ordered a glass of water and another glass of house red.  As he prepared her order, Shay took the opportunity to glance around once again.

Not many people were there, but she knew that more would arrive soon; it was getting towards evening, and people would be coming back from work.

_Work…_

These people reminded her that whilst all of these disastrous events had occurred in her own life, _real_  life was going on for everyone else.  For a moment, she felt almost _jealous_ of their tiny, insignificant problems.  A second later, she felt guilty for thinking so.  Her own troubles were hardly more important than anyone else’s here.  She was heartbroken, that was it.  Nobody in this bar deserved a title of the person with the worst life, not at all.  Each and every one of them in here was just a person coming for a drink in an attempt to hide from themselves just how miserable they were.  Shay had been at that point herself before.  She couldn’t degrade them just because she had gotten out of that trap herself.  She took her drinks and chose a small booth in the corner of the bar to sit in, the emptiest part at that moment. 

She had just taken a few sips of her water when she heard a door open and close loudly from behind the bar.  She looked out from her booth at the bar and she smiled triumphantly.  She had known it wouldn’t have taken long.  The petite, blonde woman who had graceful curves and thickly framed glasses, however, paid her no attention, preparing herself a drink at the bar.  Still pointedly not looking at Shay, she strolled leisurely over to the most heavily populated area of the bar, chatting to a few people here and there as she slowly, slowly made her way over to Shay in her booth. 

Finally, she slid into the seat opposite Shay and sat back, leaning her head against the cushion of her seat. 

“I had hoped I wouldn’t be seeing you again so soon, Shay.”  The injured woman laughed mirthlessly in response, taking a sip from her red wine.  It was decent, and she raised her glass to the woman opposite her, indicating her appreciation.

“Despite not wanting to offend you… I feel exactly the same, Bobby.”

Bobby grimaced and then nodded her head at Shay’s arm in its sling.

“That looks painful.”

“If it looks like anything at all, you’ll know what it is and how I got it.”

Bobby took a sip of her beer.

“Gunshot to the back by hitman,” she looked up from her drink, “intended target missed.”

Shay couldn’t help but grin, despite the topic of their conversation.

“That’s my girl,” she winked at her.

“Why aren’t your friends with you?” Bobby asked, showing off.

“Consider it a case of them both corpsing out on me.”

“Long journey?”

“Do you even need to ask?” Shay raised an eyebrow at Bobby sceptically.

“Well.  We both know the answer to that.  But from the looks of you, with your arm and all, I’m gonna guess that you’re not here to relive some memories of your favourite town.”

“You are, of course, correct.”

“So, what brings you to Connuit?”

“If I tell you, I’m trusting our friendship will keep your mouth shut when I’m gone.”

“You know I wouldn’t betray you, Shay, even though you didn’t send me a birthday card.”

“Yeah, sorry, postage prices were so high, I thought it would be easier to come back and say it in person.”

“What do you need, hun?”

“Two women.  One tall, blonde and curly-haired, the other shorter, dyed-blonde, frizzy hair.”

Bobby hummed and stretched her back a little, rolling her shoulders as she did so.

“Interesting.  Are the two women running?”

“Not from _us_.”

“Well, seeing as you went through all the trouble of coming to visit me personally, I might just tell you the little that I know.”

“Thanks, Bobby.”  Shay took another sip of her wine.

“You may not thank me after hearing what I have to say.”  Shay’s grin fell and she leant forward on her right elbow.

“Oh shit… what do you know?”

“A town some forty miles east from here.  Two women matching the descriptions you just gave me bought some supplies from the shop of a friend of mine and passed through the town about six hours ago-”

“That sounds promising,” Shay commented, getting hopeful.

“You’d think so, but… there’s more.”

“Oh God.  What happened?”

Bobby licked her lips slightly, moistening them so she could bite her lower lip.

“Another car chased them out of town; they caused a lot of mayhem.  I’ve still got friends looking up the plates but… not too far out of the town, they ended up having a real bust up by a small bridge.  One of the cars, and I don’t know which, ended up burning on the riverbank.  Two bodies were found dead in that car, as of yet unidentified.”

Shay looked at Bobby, open-mouthed. 

“ _Shit!_ ”

“I still don’t know which of the cars was the one that got burnt, the other one is nowhere to be found, but I just have to get in touch with my friends in the police force.  If you’re staying in town for a little longer, I could have more information for you in the next day or two.”

Shay’s heart twisted painfully.

“Bobby, as much as I wold love to know just what happened, we don’t actually _have_ two days to wait.  In three days’ time, we have to get to a party.  It’s already early evening and the countdown starts tomorrow.  I’m afraid me and my companions have to be on the move as soon as we can, and it’s looking like early morning tomorrow…  If you hear about two women turning up anywhere else… let me know, will you?”

“You’re lucky you’re as important as you are, Shay… Usually, I charge for this – and double for extra information.  But… I have just one question.”

“I thought you just said you weren’t charging me?”

“This one’s personal.”

“Hm.  Fine.”  Shay brought her wine glass up to her lips and took a long sip.

“Why are you helping her?”

Shay froze, and slowly swallowed the wine.

“It… depends on which ‘her’ you’re talking about…”

“Cosima. You know I know who she is. And you asked me to help you locate her not three weeks ago. I know she’s with you, and that suspended cop.”

Shay blinked a little, trying not to let Bobby’s openness about Cosima’s condition get to her.

“Because… I’m slowly getting over her.  I have this debt to repay, and then I’m done.”

“So you’re still in love with her.”  Bobby didn’t pose it as a question.

“Only, like, a _little_ bit?”

“You know there’s no such thing, honey.”

“Oh, there isn’t?” Shay rolled her eyes sarcastically.

“Shay, you can tell yourself that your heart only hurts a little bit, but no matter the magnitude of the aching, it always _feels_ like the worst, every time.  That’s how the heart works.  It forgets just how bad the pain was before and… it gets hurt all over again.  I don’t want you to do anything stupid.  You told me you were just going to warn her about the shit that was going down at DYAD.  Please tell me she’s not stringing you along, pretending she might take you back?  You’re heading in _completely_ the wrong direction.  You tried so hard to get out of that place… don’t risk getting trapped by going back.  She isn’t worth getting shot for.”

Shay smiled sadly.

“It’s just one last job, Bobby.  She’s already made it clear she doesn’t want me back.  I’m just… running from DYAD, trying to save my own skin.  For now, running away from them equates to running towards the hub.”  She laughed bitterly.  “We’ve yet to see how that works out for us.”  She finished what remained of her wine.  Here she was, trying to hide from herself just how miserable she was.  She slipped out from the booth and stood up, opening and closing her left hand, trying to exercise it a little without disturbing her shoulder.  Bobby followed suit and stood opposite Shay.  She pulled her into a tight hug.

“You know how to get hold of me if you need me to follow?”

Shay nodded, and Bobby took hold of her face, a hand on either side of her head, kissed her cheek softly, and eventually let her go.  After helping Shay put her coat back on, she morosely watched the longer haired woman leave the bar, stepping into the cooler air of the evening outside.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

When she returned to the motel room, Art took a while to answer the door, clearly having been sleeping.  She had insisted that her taking the room key was too dangerous if she was found, so they remained inside with Art.  He stepped outside to talk to her, Cosima still in her heavy but restless sleep. 

“What did you find?”

“They passed through a town forty miles east about six or seven hours ago.  They headed north, towards DYAD.  Another car followed, so DYAD knows where they are, too-”

“So we haven’t got long, then.  _Shit_.  What are we gonna do?”

“We _have_ to rest.  We’ll be too exhausted if we hit the road now.  It’s all that we _can_ do. Do you… can I have a moment with Cosima?  I want to break it to her gently.”

“Sure.  Oh, and… about your friend... is she going to keep quiet?”

“She won’t tell anyone.  I trust her with my life.”

Art raised his eyebrows, nodded, and then opened the door for her.  Shay thanked him quietly and stepped into the small room that consisted of twin beds and one armchair.

She slipped her coat off once again and put it on the hook by the door.

Just as she did so, Cosima made a terrifying sound of a gasp mixed with a moan and she started to shake in the bed.  Shay hurried to the bedside and saw that Cosima’s forehead was drenched with sweat, and the fine baby hairs were sticking to her skin.  Shay hurried into the bathroom and filled a tiny cup with cold water, grabbed a flannel and ran it under the tap and brought both over to Cosima.  She put the glass of water down, and wiped gently at Cosima’s forehead with the damp flannel, cooling down the heat that radiated off her.  Groaning with discomfort, she brought her left hand up to gently rock Cosima awake, only just forceful enough to get through to the sleeping woman.  She felt as if her whole left arm was full of sand that was grinding against cogs in her body, and every movement sent a shudder through her.  Cosima was not responding to her, and Shay grew worried.

“Cosima!  Cosima, wake up!  Cosima!”  Painfully slowly, she could see Cosima begin to slow down.  Shay could see her blink as her eyes were closed, and when she finally stopped shaking, her eyes opened.  “Cosima!  What’s wrong?”

“Holy _fuck!_ ” Cosima groaned and pulled her cannula out, and sat up, holding her head in her hands.

Shay passed her the glass of cool water, the beads of condensation on the side running onto her fingers.  Cosima accepted it gratefully.

“Tell me what happened.  Did you have a bad dream?”

Cosima laughed, but there was nothing humorous about this situation. 

“That is putting it very mildly.  I had about four awful nightmares.  How long have I been asleep for?”

“I think about an hour and a half.”

“God, that’s such a waste of time!”  Cosima pushed the covers off her and stepped out of the bed.  “Why did you bring us to a motel?  Why didn’t you just make me sleep in the car?”  Shay handed her the glasses that lay on the bedside table.  Cosima, now able to see, spotted her boots and crossed the room to pick them up.

“Cosima, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like, Shay?  I’m getting ready to _leave_.”

“And where are you gonna go, exactly?”

“To the car.  To open the door, and get _in_ it.  And from there, _drive on_ , like we should have been doing all along.  Did you _carry_ me in here or something?”

“Cosima, who do you think is going to drive you?”

Cosima looked at her confusedly as she sat in the armchair and put her shoes on.

“Art…?”

“Really?  The poor man is exhausted; it’s time for him to sleep.  Do you think I’m going to drive you with one arm and pain when I sit back against a seat?  Or will it be _you?_   You don’t even have a license.  So, what do you propose?”

Cosima opened and closed her mouth like a befuddled fish, but said nothing at first. 

“I’m sorry.  That was stupid.”

“What the fuck’s got you so shaken up?  Surely the dreams weren’t _that_ bad?”

Cosima stopped trying to put her shoes on, and sat with her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees.

“Do you… Can… What do you _know_ about dreams?” Cosima looked up at Shay, and her eyes were brimming with tears.  Shay so desperately wanted to run over to her and hold her, but she knew that the gesture would be far from appreciated, so she didn’t.  Instead, she spent a little time thinking up her answer.

“I know that… during sleep we enter into a state of… altered consciousness.  Our body usually… disconnects in some way, allowing us to recuperate, only really giving us – with about eight hours sleep – the same amount of energy as a single piece of toast.  Most theories about dreams link to memory and the processing of information, so the ideas mostly follow the train of thought that dreams help your brain to sort through what happened during your consciousness and allow you to begin making new memories again each morning.  On dreamless nights, your body is still doing all of that, sometimes we just create images in our heads while we do it, if the emotions attached to the information we are processing are strong enough.  Along the same vein, you’re more likely to remember emotionally driven dreams than simple, mundane ones.”  Shay observed Cosima, and she could see that her words were not helping to comfort the woman.  “But… people have asked questions about dreams since the beginning of human life.  The Ancient Greeks and Romans… they used to believe that dreams had a certain… prophetic nature.”  Cosima’s head snapped up, her eyes boring in Shay’s.  “They used to believe that the dream world was a half-world between humans and Gods… a way for us to communicate with them.  Or, more likely, for _them_ to communicate with _us_ through what we dreamt.”

“And… do _you_ believe that dreams can hold elements of truth in the future?”

“I don’t know.  I can’t deny that I believe that strange things happen when we sleep.  The phenomenon of sleepwalking is just one of the things some humans experience, and the idea that we become physically active whilst our body is shut out from our brain is baffling.  During normal sleep, our bodies are _paralysed_ to prevent us from _acting out_ our dreams, so somehow, some people’s bodies get past that, and move of their own accord.  I think… it’s possible that there are times in which our body makes decisions for us, when our brain is too blind to see for itself, and sometimes, the brain has moments of clarity that we never expected.  I don’t think we can see the _future_ as such, I think that our brain makes subconscious links and sequences in our head of events that could genuinely happen; it plays them all out, and sometimes, some of them are so relevant in ways we may not understand, that they are given images in our sleep.”

Cosima had watched Shay without breaking eye contact all throughout her explanation, but the fear in her eyes did not recede.  “Cosima… you need to tell me what’s wrong.  Why are you so desperate to leave _now?_ ”

Cosima opened her mouth and just let out a breath instead of words.  She shook her head.

“You’re gonna think I’m stupid.”

“I need to know where you’re coming from, Cosima.  I can’t help you if you don’t help me understand.”

The first tear fell from Cosima’s left eye, and Shay’s heart was struck by a pickaxe.  The brunette’s lower lip wobbled.

“I think- I think something really bad happened to Delphine.”

Shay’s spine turned to jelly and she had to work hard to keep her back straight as she sat on the bed.

“What sort of bad?”

“Like, _hurt_ bad.  Oh God, you must think I’m _such_ an idiot.”

“No, no Cos, I don’t.”  She saw the brunette cringe at the nickname and she mentally berated herself for her slip.  She said her next words very carefully, picking them gingerly, as if they might burn her.  “I mean… when I was back at DYAD… I had some dreams that made me think that _you_ were in danger.”  Cosima’s brows furrowed.  “I won’t… I won’t go into much detail… but those dreams led me into my investigation in DYAD and I found the whole spy shit that was going on.  I don’t think that you’re an idiot at all.”

“Really?  But you didn’t, like, dream that there was an actual spy in my workplace?”

“No.  I dreamt about you… dying- not from your sickness though.  You were stabbed.  It was… yeah it was gross.”

“You mean, like, stabbed in the back?  That’s way too much symbolism, dude.”  Shay laughed.

“No, not in the back.  Just straight up, stabbed in the heart.”

“Oh.”

“What happened in your dreams, Cosima?” Shay asked tentatively.

Shay got up and walked over to Cosima who was still in the chair.  She kneeled beside her, putting a hand on Cosima’s wringing ones.

“She was just _lying_ there, and she had all these cuts, and no matter how much I tried to wake her up, she wouldn’t.”

“You don’t think… that she-”

“I don’t think she’s dead, no.  I don’t know _how_ , but it just doesn’t feel right.”

_Do I tell her?  We don’t even know the truth yet.  It would crush her if she thought she was dead.  She would lose hope.  I can’t do that to her._

“Cosima, I just went to see a friend.”

Cosima stood up, the added height from her undone boots giving her even more advantage over Shay than her natural height.

“What sort of _friend_ are we talking about, here?”

“An _actual_ friend, Cosima.  I met her when I was in the army.  She was in Intelligence, but even after quitting, her love of acquiring information never left her.”

Cosima squinted suspiciously at Shay.

“And why you didn’t tell me this as soon as you got back?” she demanded, almost violently.

“Woah, Cosima, maybe because you were having some sort of _seizure_ as soon as I entered the room!”

“Wait, where’s Art?”

“He’s waiting outside.  I wanted to tell you calmly, but clearly that plan’s blown out of the water.”

“And he just thought it would be a good idea for you both to go and see an old military friend of yours?”

“My friend is quite private.  She doesn’t appreciate everyone knowing who she is.”

“Oh my God, you went _alone!_ ” She shouted at Shay, lithely springing in front of her to face her, “What sort of an idiot are you?  You do realise that _anyone_ from DYAD could be following us?”

“Cosima, you don’t understand-”

“Don’t you _dare_ belittle me, Shay!  I fucking _hate_ you and I will happily let you walk off to your death, but I will _not_ let you go about endangering Art and myself-”

“ _Cosima!_   Shut up, sit down, listen to me, and don’t be so _fucking_ rude!”

Cosima’s words were effectively halted by Shay’s blast of intention, and she sat down on the side of the bed.

Shay didn’t want to cause any more contention between them, so she spent a few seconds working out what she was going to say.

“Before I ever met you, back when I had just started my job in the army, I made a friend in Intelligence.  After a difficult situation involving warring gangs, illegal weapons dealings and treason, she found herself in a situation that involved a whole network of clubs and bars, all in a state of limbo.  With my help, she quit the army and slowly took control of all of the bars that had previously been owned by the gangs.  Now, she owns pretty much every bar that skirts around Toronto, and has a radius of… well, a very long way.  She is… an information woman.  If you wanna know something, she’s the one you go to.  Her base is here, in Connuit, which is why I had Art drive us here.  But Cosima, I am _very_ good friends with her, and she has had people looking out for us from the moment she noticed we were on the move.  This is _the_ safest place we could possibly be right now, and the suggestion that I have put all of us in danger is not only offensive, but it is ignorant, too.  I have had more training in self-preservation than you could ever imagine, and I know how to _deal_ with shit, unlike you.  So please, understand a situation before you go around accusing people of things.  If anyone is putting us in danger, it’s you with your desperation to kill us with exhaustion.”

A silence stretched on for a very long time, and Shay felt obligated to fill it, seeing as she had caused it.  “I asked her for any information on two women headed north.”

Cosima turned a shade of red, clearly embarrassed.

“What did she say?” she asked quietly.

“We’re on the right track.  They picked up some food east of here from a little shop.  They continued north.”

 _She will be crushed.  She doesn’t need to know.  Not until we know for_ sure _._

Cosima narrowed her eyes at Shay, as if she _knew_ she was hiding something, but she decided not to comment on it.

“Hang on, “ Cosima started, “I have one question, possibly followed by more.”  Shay nodded.  “Are you saying that you are partly responsible for the underground reign of an informal information king-pin?”

“No.  I’m entirely responsible for helping a friend start a different career, which happened to be owning and running alcoholic establishments, from estaminets to fully-sized clubs.”

“Holy watershed, Shay.”  Cosima put a hand to her head.  “Do you realise that now we  _cannot_ stay here?”

“Cosima, we _can’t_ leave now.  We aren’t physically _able_ to go anywhere in this state!”

“I don’t accept that.  I think Delphine has been injured, and now I need to know.  If DYAD has already reached them, then… then we need to go and… find their bodies, you know?”

“Cosima, I think you’re worrying too much.  She can’t be dead.  That’s not Delphine’s style, and most definitely not Helena’s.”  She put a hand on Cosima’s shoulder.  “Send Helena a message, call her, I don’t know.  But _please_ , give me just six or seven hours of sleep, and we’ll go on the move again, okay?  Just _six_ hours, sleep yourself, and then I _promise_ that we’ll go.”


	34. The Light of the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> Here you go, another chapter!  
> I hope you enjoy it :D
> 
> Love,  
> Cody

Frustrated, Helena tapped the small device’s screen with her index finger, encouraging it to work.  It didn’t.  She stuffed it into her pocket and looked at the items that surrounded her in the bed of the truck.  There were tools, weapons, and food.

_-There is plenty food here.  We will not be travelling long.  We can eat some now._

Licking her lips at the thought, Helena tried to decide what she should cook for Delphine’s and her breakfast.  There were mostly tins of soup available to them. 

_-Cream of chicken.  Good for body.  Only one is injured here, but it is better for both to be ready._

She heard the snap of a twig from the _–east–_ and she had to force her body not to _–attack–_ the intruder.

 _-It is only my new sestra-_ she thought to herself, and smoothly jumped out of the truck, landing softly on her feet.  She watched Delphine’s staggered progress through the trees thoughtfully.

_-I must not tell her how the injuries stop us._

Delphine was clearly in a lot of pain, and Helena could see that it wasn’t just physical.  The Frenchwoman leant against a tree, breathing raggedly and sweating.  Helena glided silently through the tall, mossy trees and stood next to her.

“Do you need help, Goldilocks?” she asked.  Delphine jumped a tiny bit from surprise, but her reaction was muted by the stiffness of her body and the exhaustion running through her body.  She seemed only half surprised that Helena had snuck up on her so deftly.

“ _Non_ , thank you, Helena.  I must be able to walk by myself,” she grimaced, pushing herself off the tree and wincing with the pain _–in her leg, I see it is the most painful today–_ but pushing onwards.  Helena walked with her.

_-You cannot walk leaning on trees.  That is for old people, who limp with small tree trunks in their palms._

“How was your toilet trip?” she asked, eyebrows raised and her lips slightly pursed.

“Relieving,” Delphine joked, smiling.  Helena laughed loudly.

_-I enjoy your humour, even if you cannot walk._

Delphine buckled slightly, her leg giving out underneath her, but Helena caught her, hooking Delphine’s arm around her neck.

“You can walk by yourself tomorrow,” she said encouragingly, “but now, you need four legs.”

Together they made their way back towards the truck that stood in the middle of the dank clearing that Helena had fled to with a bleeding, unconscious Delphine.

_-We are lucky she was not dying._

Helena retrieved two very small foldable chairs from the trunk and opened the first one for Delphine, who sat down slowly, but gratefully.

“ _Merci_ , Helena.”  The smaller woman grunted in response.  She began to set up the small portable gas stove, to start heating their breakfast.  With the appliance on the floor in between the two chairs, Helena got a small pan and poured one can of the Cream of Chicken soup _–good for body–_ into the pan.  She put two small plastic bowls and spoons to the side next to it.  Opening up her own chair, she sat down, her leg jumping up and down, the ball of her foot bouncing it as she waited impatiently for the food to heat up.

_-Goldilocks is falling asleep._

“Del-fin, we have small problem.”  She stated it loudly, and Delphine’s head rolled up, her exhausted eyes opening again.

“ _Merde_ , I am sorry.  What did you say, Helena?” she asked, apologetic.

_-This is not good.  She has slept for 12 hours._

Not repeating her comment, she merely retrieved the phone from her pocket and handed it to the injured woman, leaning across the stove.  Delphine took it, and Helena moved back to her seat, stirring the heating soup with one of the small spoons.  Glancing up at Delphine, she took in the lip that she was biting and the slight wet glint in her eyes.

_-She thinks of sestra Cosima._

Delphine pressed the power button again, but it didn’t work, as it hadn’t for Helena.

“ _Merde_ , the phone is dead.  That is perfect,” she huffed.  “Now we have lost all possible contact with anyone…” Delphine continued muttering to herself, but Helena got side-tracked.

_-Dead phone?  Why dead?  Something must have life to die.  ‘Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.  The one who believes in me will have life, even though they die.”’  A phone does not believe.  A phone cannot live.  A phone cannot die.  Dead things live with the lord, but phones charge again.  We must have-_

“Helena?”

“No.  A charger was not priority,” she mumbled in response to Delphine’s question.

 _-Priority was_ run _, priority was follow the traitor, priority was move you away from sniper from_ –east– _priority was take different road from DYAD car around the corner from burning Topside, priority was_ not _phone charger._

“Don’t worry, Helena.  We’ll be fine, I’m sure.  I suppose we’ll just have to get there without a phone, which should be easy.  We can buy a charger on the way, _non_?”  Delphine drummed her fingers against the phone she held in her hands, her brows furrowed.

_-She must not dwell._

“It is _you_ who must not worry, Goldilocks.  You can talk to sestra Cosima when we have her cure.  It will be over, soon."

Delphine looked at her companion, her wide eyes concerned.

“That is partly what I am worrying about, Helena.  I have delayed us.  I have held us up for _far too long!_   That _bastard_ Eric will probably have arrived there already!  We have _no_ idea where he is.  He may have already given the research to Leekie, and in that man’s desperate attempt at controlling me, he will deny it to Cosima, deny it to every woman with the disease that I have come into contact with or whose data I have worked with.  As soon as he has that data, we will no longer be able to get our hands on it.  _Merde_ , Helena, I am sorry that I was stupid enough to run _back_ to that car.”

_-Your fault, Helena, your fault._

“You travel with me, you travel with my care.  I had to make sure they died.  I put grenade in their car.”

Delphine seemed to choke on nothing, and she ended up spluttering in her chair, hunched over herself.

_-She will tear stitches._

When she recovered, she looked back up at Helena.

“You put a _grenade_ in their car?”

“It was difficult, but I did it.  The pig kept fighting me.  It was necessary.  Your injuries are my fault.  Here, have some soup.  I think it is good for you.  I do not have bread…”

She poured out the steaming hot soup into the two bowls and handed Delphine one, turning off the gas stove.

_-‘Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry?’_

“Well, my foolishness cannot be put on your shoulders.  It’s fine.  I suppose you did what you had to.  But, we must be on the move as soon as we have finished, I can’t hold us up any longer.”

_-‘And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?’_

“I am sorry.  We will move after breakfast.”

Delphine looked around the clearing for a moment, and she spoke again.

“Can you tell me where we are, exactly?”

_-I know in my mind.  That is hard to translate._

“…I have some paper,” she spoke slowly, and got up, resting her soup on her chair, not quite willing to part with it just yet.  She made it to the passenger door of the trunk and opened it up.  “Image in my head, paper image for you, we find our way.”

She opened up the glovebox and pulled out the small map that Jesse had insisted she take (“Just in case, Helena.  I know _you_ know, but there may come a time that Delphine needs to know, too.”), bringing it back to Delphine and _–soup–,_ which was still tasty.  Handing her the slightly crumpled piece of paper, she moved her chair slightly closer to Delphine’s.  Pulling a pen out of her boot, she used it to point at the paper, now unfolded, that showed them the undulation of the landscape around them.

“This is the village we visited.  You took the right lane from it.  The bridge is here, and I had to drive along the same road.  More cars could be following so I hid in forest.  We are…” she moved her pen a centimetre or so northeast, to a large patch of green, “here.  I had to hide us while I helped you.”  Delphine nodded, taking in the information.

“And we are headed to the DYAD Institute, _non_?”

“Yes.”

Delphine closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in and out.

“Two days.  Two days to travel across half of Canada.  _Merde._   Okay.  How much petrol do we have?”

Helena grinned.

“Enough to burn ten buildings.”  Delphine smiled at her words.

“I hope you don’t intend to put it to _that_ purpose.  I mean for us to drive far over the speed limit.  We will be using a _lot_ of petrol.”

_-She is a very good woman.  I will enjoy her wedding to my sestra._

_-This soup is very good._

_-I miss Sarah._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“Favourite?  That is difficult.  I think Scooby Doo.”

“Scooby Doo?  Why?”

“Scooby Doo likes sandwiches nearly as much as me.  And he eats _massive_ ones.  I have dreams of sandwiches as big as the ones he eats.”

“I like sandwiches too, I suppose, but not nearly as much as you, clearly!” Delphine laughed, shifting uncomfortably in the passenger seat.  Helena was doing a good job of speeding down the busy road that they had found their way back onto, weaving dangerously in and out of the cars they passed.

“ _Nobody_ likes sandwiches as much as me!” Helena grinned, bouncing in her seat, “but Scooby Doo has very good sandwiches.  One day, I shall put pork chop and sausages into one sandwich, and eat it all in one bite.”

Delphine laughed, her shoulders shaking as she turned her head to Helena.

“A _whole_ pork chop?  I don’t think that would _fit_ in your mouth!”  Helena laughed roughly.

“But if I open my mouth _really wide_ I think I can do it!”  She demonstrated by opening her mouth _really wide_ and laughed, then mimed chomping on a very large sandwich.

Delphine heart swelled with affection once again, and she shook her head.

“I love Scooby Doo because he is the main character despite being in one of the _worst_ detectives duos in the whole of fictional mystery history,” she started, thinking back to her childhood when she had watched it with her parents when she was learning English.  “He and Shaggy are _terrible_ detectives, but they are _always_ the ones to find the monster first.”

“His friends love him very much,” Helena added.

“They are always underestimated, but they always come out on top.” 

Helena puffed up her chest and said in her strong accent, “And I would have gotten away with it too,” she started, and Delphine joined in, both of them shouting at the top of their lungs in the car, “IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS!”

In fits of laughter, Helena nearly missed the turning she had to take, which earnt her an indignant honk of a horn from a car behind them.

“What’s this town called, again?” Delphine asked, trying to look back at the too-small map.

“Respite.  We will find things we need here.”

“Excellent.”

The town was larger than the one they had fled, and busier.  Busier towns meant a better chance of hiding, and that was what they needed.

“We find a parking lot.”

“ _Oui._   There should be one around soon.”  They drove through the town for a little bit, until Delphine spotted what they needed.  “There’s a sign for one, there.”  Helena followed the sign and ended up turning right into the large area designated for parking that stretched up to six levels.  “What level, do you think?  Not underground, certainly...” 

“Second floor, south side.”

“Very well,” Delphine nodded, trusting in Helena’s judgement.  After a few minutes, Helena found a space and got a ticket for the truck.  Heading out of the parking lot, the shorter woman spoke softly, quietly.

“First, we get charger.  Then, we have lunch.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

The café was heaving.  Helena and Delphine nabbed a small table to themselves in the corner of the relatively large space, as it was more isolated, and it had a plug socket in the wall next to their table.  While Helena ogled the menu, her eyes wider than plums, Delphine looked around the café warily.  She had the seat that faced the rest of the café, and she put it to god, use, attempting to determine whether anyone was a threat.  Helena’s voice spoke out from behind the menu.

“You make it obvious, Goldilocks.  Don’t look.”

“I want to look,” she responded, haughtily.

“Then look at one table at a time, slowly, like a rusty robot.  Do not look about so quickly.  If you pay attention to each table slowly, you will see much more than a frantic eye will.”

Delphine bit her lip and did what Helena suggested.

On the one table that was directly next to them on the left, there was a group of three people.  From the red lanyards around their necks and their official clothing, they seemed to work for the bank opposite the café, and their postures highlighted their importance.  The one man was talking to the other two women who were listening intently, eyes fixed on him, nodding and occasionally taking notes on their electronic tablets.

“You are doing it wrong.”

“What?” Delphine asked, growing impatient.

“You are not reading people properly.”

“Then-”

The waitress that came up to their table was relatively short, with a very large smile that masked how tired she was.  Delphine understood that very well.

“Hello, darlings!  What can I get for you?” she asked brightly, matching the happy plinky-plonking of the piano music that played throughout the café.

Helena beamed at her readily and began talking.  Delphine, uncomfortable and unable to relax in her chair due to the weal on her back which was surrounded by a _very_ large, sensitive bruise, said nothing, just watching the interaction between the two women in front of her.

“What is your favourite food on this menu?” Helena asked, watching the waitress intently.

“Wow, it’s been a long time anyone asked me that!” the waitress laughed.  She took the menu and pointed at an item, but it was upside down to Delphine, so she couldn’t see what it was.  “Personally, _this_ one’s my favourite.  It’s a lamb stew, which doesn’t sound so appealing, but honestly, the chef here cooks it perfectly, and the herbs and spices he uses are truly the perfect accompaniment.”

Helena licked her lips hungrily.

“Does it have potato in it?” she asked wistfully.

“Sure does.”

“I will eat this lamb pot stew,” she grinned, looking up at the waitress.

“Would you like a drink with that?” the waitress asked, but before Helena could go crazy with the menu, Delphine stepped in.

“Can we have a jug of water for the both of us, please?” she asked gently, her voice feeling slightly rough to her own ears.  Since when had she grown uncomfortable speaking to strangers?

“Sure thing.  And would you like anything to eat, ma’am?”

Delphine paused for a moment before answering.

“A brie and tomato sandwich, _s’il vous plait._ ”

“You got it,” the waitress nodded, and then left them to themselves.  Delphine went back to looking around them.  The café was decorated in soft browns and reds, which did not help Delphine’s exhaustion.  The gentle clink of cutlery and teacups on saucers sang in delicate harmony with the soft laughter and hushed murmurs of the customers around them in the café.

“Look at the man on the table to our right, drinking the beer,” sounded Helena’s voice, quiet but clear.

Delphine didn’t bother asking how Helena had seen him without turning her back.

 _Her mind must be sharper than anyone else’s here, including mine._   She did as she was bid, looking at the man who sat slightly stooped over the table, arm outstretched, clutching onto a beer bottle.  “What do you see?”

Delphine studied him for a time, but couldn’t see anything exceptional.

“I don’t know… he’s… a man?” she floundered, not sure where Helena was going with this.

“More specific.” 

“Err…” Delphine’s brain struggled to focus, but she kept looking all the same.  Her eyes latched onto something.  “Oh!  Either he is cheating, or he is divorced,” she said, staring at the pale ring of skin on his finger where the band had once covered it, blocking the sun.

“Good, good.  What tells us he is _not_ cheating?”

“ _Merde_ , I have no idea!”

“He does not wear the cologne.”

“Oh…”

“What else, Goldilocks?  What else do you see?  This man, he is miserable.  He is divorced and will not see his children except on weekends.  He does not see them, but he pays much for their care.  This man… this man is tired and stressed.  His wife used to cook for him.  Now, he has to do it himself.  He has stopped eating so much – because of this, he has lost weight.”

“Helena, you cannot be serious.  There is _no way_ that you could know all of that.”

“It is simple, Goldilocks.  His socks say “Best Dad” so we know he has children.  He bites his nails – you can see this on the hand he holds the bottle with.”

“How can you possibly know he has lost weight?” Delphine asked, incredulous.

“It is the _belt_ , Del-fin.  Look at his belt.”  The line of sight was quite awkwardly reached from Delphine’s position, but she could _just_ see what Helena meant.  There was a line on the belt from the wearing away of the buckle on the belt from constant use of locking it in one hole – he currently had it on the one smaller.  It was pulled in a notch.

“ _C’est pas vrai_ …” Delphine whispered, rather in awe, but still unable to believe that Helena could read so much about a person in such a short space of time.  “Where did you learn to read people?” she asked, genuinely curious.

“When plenty people want to hurt you, you learn to find weaknesses in everybody.”

Delphine nodded, biting her lip again.

“I see.”  She didn’t want to know what Helena had on her.  She believed that the answer would most likely pain her.

“If you see, tell me what you can see with the table on the left.  Look closely, take time, and _think_.”

Delphine sniffed and then turned her attention to the first table.  She sat staring for a few minutes and eventually noticed a pattern.

“Oh…” she smiled, wanting to laugh but not wanting to draw attention to herself.  “That’s quite funny…” she looked at Helena, who was grinning back.

“So you see it, then?” she asked.

“ _Oui_ , I see it.  The man, he is talking non-stop.  The women are pretending to pay attention, but they know that he is wrong.  He doesn’t seem to know what he is talking about – he keeps pausing to find the right words – but still, he dominates the conversation.  The women are-” she laughed softly, “ _the women are sending messages to each other!_ ”  She had noted the pattern, and the very small curling of lips as the women looked down at their tablets, along with the quick flick of the eyes back to the man who was talking.  “I suppose, we can’t be certain that they are being rude about him or anything, but it is certainly him they are talking about.”

“Very good, Goldilocks.”

The waitress returned with the pitcher of water and two glasses.

Delphine thanked her, and the waitress winked at the Frenchwoman.

Pouring out the water and filling the two glasses, Delphine stole one last glance of the three people on the table next to them and then paid all of her attention to the water.

They both enjoyed the cool taste of it, having been drinking lukewarm, bottled water that had stayed in the back of the truck.  It was an excellent change, and both appreciated it.

“How much battery does the phone have now?” Delphine asked, and Helena pressed the home button, and the charging screen popped up.

“12%.” she responded.

“Hmm, okay.”

“I wanted to tell you my plan this morning, but phone was dead.  I can show you now.”

“The plan for when we get to DYAD?” Delphine asked, both curious and excited at the development.

“Yes.  You know the head of DYAD and his castle; I think you can help me make my plan better.  I don’t like telling plans, but for you I make exception.  We work on this together.  We make plan perfect together.”

Delphine understood how alien this was to Helena, working with someone else when she was so accustomed to working alone, and she did not make light of Helena’s generosity and openness.

Helena nodded and turned the phone on.  It took its time.  It seemed to take forever for the start-up light to flash and the screen to activate.

“This is like watching baby climb oak tree… it will do it… in five years.”

Eventually, the lock screen lit up, and Helena’s fingers sped across the phone at the speed of light.  The home screen appeared, and Delphine caught a glimpse of a family picture; Sarah was hugging Kira, Mrs S was holding onto Cosima’s shoulders and Alison was kissing Helena on the cheek.  There was another woman ruffling Kira’s hair, but Delphine didn’t know her.  She was older than the rest of them, though, and was almost certainly another relative.

_Oh, that must be Beth._

The image was gone before she could give it any more thought, and was replaced by an image Helena accessed through her gallery.  Helena handed the phone over to her, and Delphine considered the image.

“This is… a floor plan, _non?_ ” she asked, something about the black and white lines itching in the back of her mind. 

“Yes.  Do you recognise it?  Look closely, take time, and _think_.”

“Oh… this is… _oh!_   It’s the floor plan of the fifth floor of the DYAD Institute.  This is the floor that holds Leekie’s office.  This room here is his.”  She pointed at an exceedingly large room compared to the rest, and Helena nodded, making a mental note.

 _That room next to it is the room in which he locked you for weeks, trying to convince you that you were doing actual work.  That room down the hallway is the room in which he interrogated you and raped you.  That second large room is the room he used to bring you to and watch everyone else work, giving you something to work for, even though you_ knew _he would never give it to you.  That hallway is where you met Shay.  Those toilets are where you kis-_

Delphine coughed and sniffed, shaking her head to clear her thoughts.

“Pardon me.  I got a little… caught up.”

“Do not worry.  It is okay, your knowledge will be useful.”

“How did you get hold of it?” Delphine whispered, surprised and curious.

“It was not easy.  But it _was_ fun,” she smiled cheekily at Delphine, leaving a mystery for her that she clearly was not going to explain any time soon.  Helena’s attention was diverted back to the café around them, clearly getting impatient for her lamb stew.

It didn’t take much longer for it to arrive, brought to them by their friendly waitress, in which time Helena had taken her through the vague outline of how they would go about catching the hard drive and the data it held on it.

She wolfed it down, starved of well-cooked food for a long time.  For a person who loved it so much, he wasn’t the best at preparing it.  Delphine promised to herself to cook something delicious before they arrived at DYAD.

Delphine, while just as hungry as Helena, managed to hold off turning animalistic in her appetite, savouring the taste of the tomatoes with the cheese and the marriage of the two flavours. 

Helena glanced at the phone, and slowed down eating for a moment, to check what the screen said.

“There is no signal in this place.”

Delphine’s brows furrowed.

“That can’t be the case… this is a proper town, busy and populated, there must be some signal.  It might just be the café, we’ll see when we leave, okay?”

Helena nodded and continued eating her stew.  Delphine took another bite and nearly choked on an unexpected lump in the sandwich.  Grabbing a napkin, she attempted, as politely as she could, to remove the foreign lump from her mouth, the experience of the sandwich somewhat ruined by the object. 

It was… a ball of very tightly scrunched up paper.  Helena watched with interest as Delphine unfolded it.  There was a very brief note written in small, neat handwriting.

**Bowers doesn’t follow here.  You’re under willow.  The mobile voice is tagged by goats.**

**~A friend.**

Discreetly, Delphine handed it over to Helena, who read it with interest, her brows arching and her eyes flicking back and forth, reading it over and over.

Helena stopped eating her stew, letting her spoon fall back into the bowl.  She took the phone and removed the small SD card, then snapping it in half.  She dropped it in her bowl, and left enough money for their food, leaving a remarkably generous tip.  She promptly stood up, and walked to the exit of the café, and Delphine grabbed her sandwich before hurrying after her.

When they had left, the afternoon sun glaring down at the two of them, Delphine called out to Helena.

“What did that mean, Helena?”  She reached out with her free hand, pulling very gently on Helena’s arm.

“We must not talk until away from the café!” Helena grumbled, and headed off, in search of what, Delphine didn’t know.

Eventually, Helena veered off into a small alleyway, and Delphine finished off the last of her sandwich, knowing her mother would possibly have slapped her to see her eating on the street had she been here to see it.

“There was social worker, Anita Bowers, many years ago, when my sestra Beth was trying to reunite her other sestras.  Bowers was shit and caused many problems for us all.  Every time she left, she would appear again with more shit.  My sestras started to call a liar a Bower, but pretty soon Bower meant saying something you didn’t mean, or a bad person.  ‘Bowers doesn't follow here’ is a message from my sestra, I think Cosima.  ‘Mobile voice’ is phone.  We were being tracked…  I call idiots ‘goats’, here it must mean DYAD goats.  Sestra Cosima must have made a friend who can send messages.”

“The waitress?” Delphine asked, attempting to keep up with Helena’s words and meaning.

“No, waitress was just good person.  She is not a message person.  I am not sure.  But ‘under willow’, this means protection.  For now, we just get our things, and drive on while we can.”

“Wow, okay.  Well, let’s hope they really mean it…” she murmured, suddenly worrying about food poisoning.  If it was so easy to slip in a friendly message, surely it would be just as easy to cause damage in the same way.  “What is next on our itinerary?” she asked, looking at Helena, who held the tiny note in her hand.  Helena looked up at her, her impish grin returned once again to her face.

“Now, we really do buy party clothes.  We must impress the dogs when we enter their kennel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With Helena, our angel, we will never walk in darkness. With her, we have the light of life, because her hair is so bright and dazzling. What a bae ;)


	35. Wars of Intention and Personal Gain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> This chapter is quite short, but it was needed! Once again, I hope you like it.  
> Shoutout to the time I was really new here and edited entirely in the HTML text because I didn't know otherwise. God, it stressed me out. Thank the Lord for Rich Text.  
> Also, shoutout to the time I was really new here and the OB fandom was a vaguely stressed mess, not the barren wasteland that it is now, writing numbers for this fandom dropping like flies and the enthusiasm for the show dropping below the level of our mutual, combined love for Donald Trump (sorry, Trumpers, smells like a solid fart with follow through in your corner and I ain't afraid to say it).  
> People, readers like you are losing faith in the show. Granted, I understand it, but they forget the fact that _we_ are the ones keeping the show alive here, on AO3. That is what this website is for: Making our own stories with characters we love; improving upon what we think the show could have done better; delving into deeper characterisation that the show misses out on; being the steadfast fans that genuinely do keep the show running. Orphan Black has got some pretty shoddy ratings this season, and that may be because a lot of us are angry at the queerbaiting we have all been served a nice dollop of (along with some kinda *ish* writing), but here's the catch: If they cancel the show after this season, then we shall _never_ , I repeat, _never_ see Delphine again. At least if we stay strong, we have a small chance of seeing a little more of her than rumours say is heading our way soon.  
>  Stay strong, chaps. I love you all, and your continued support and reading of my work means more to me than I can ever put into words, and try as I might, I shall never convey my gratitude to my satisfaction, but I can simply attempt to keep telling you.  
> I do, however, beg you to keep the love for the characters as strong as we can, despite being pissed off at the creators. We are here as people who want to explore the OB world more deeply than the show is able to in the time it gets, so it makes sense that we continue with our canon divergence and elaboration with as much vigour and enthusiasm as we can, for I am not keen to watch this fandom die slowly. Yes, we have been impaled and the knife ever twists, but I hope we can unite, as fans, to write, read and celebrate the characters as much as we can, because if the creators cannot satisfy us with what they present to us, we must make satisfaction for ourselves.  
> Golly, rant over.  
> Just a great big thank you your way for being as wonderful as you are. 
> 
> Love,  
> HermioneSpencer

_“The number you have reached is not in service at this time-”_

“Oh for _fuck’s_ sake!”  Cosima hung up angrily and smacked the dashboard, making Art jump.

“Cosima, _please!_ ” Shay’s voice rang out from behind her.  “Stop being so angry!”

 _Stop being so angry._ Stop _being so_ angry _._

“You know, that sentence is more likely to make me angrier than I originally was.  Good job, Shay,” Cosima growled.  She looked at the phone in her hands, squeezing it with a shaking hand, her whole body willing her to crush it.

_Just one more time._

She dialled again and raised the phone to her ear.

_“The number you have reached-”_

“OKAY, STOP THE FUCKING CAR!” Cosima bellowed, and Art swore as he swerved off the main road, stopping it seconds later.  Cosima jumped out, abandoning her cannula, and slammed the door shut, taking pleasure in the crash of the metal that followed, almost hurting her ears. 

Angry, hurt, and beyond worried, Cosima felt her whole body full of a hot, white rage that threatened to tear her into pieces. 

“For fuck’s sake, Helena, answer the _fucking_ phone!” she moaned, only just holding back tears.  “You’re _not_ dead, you _can’t_ be dead, I won’t _allow_ you to be dead, _either of you!_ ” she screamed the final words, and, needing to let her anger out, ended up kicking the front right wheel of the car repeatedly, endlessly.  “ _Answer the fucking phone!”_ she cried and leant on the bonnet of the car, her head in her hands.  Shay got out of the back of the car.

Her voice probed tentatively through the crispy air.

“…Cosima…?”  The dying woman, the hopeless lion in love, claws trimmed and teeth removed, slowly looked up at the woman, who still had hers – partly – intact. 

“What if they’re gone, Shay?” she asked quietly, feeling weak.

“They’re not gone yet, we don’t know they’re gone.”

Cosima laughed humourlessly, tears bubbling up with the tightening of her diaphragm.

“If they’re not fucking dead, then _why aren’t they picking up?_ ” she cried, and nearly throwing the phone on the ground.  She imagined it cracking, breaking, splintering like her heart.

Shay hurried towards her and took the phone out of her hands, slipping it into her pocket.  She put a hand on each of Cosima’s shoulders, holding onto her shaking body tightly.

“Cosima, anything could have happened to them right now.  And yeah, that’s not the most comforting thing I could say, but there’s no point in lying.  Sure, they could be the ones sitting burnt to a crisp on that riverbank, but they could also be the ones that got away.  There are a _million_ reasons why they might be too busy to pick up the phone, and one of them could be that they are driving through the middle of _nowhere_ and could have no signal!  One of them could be that they left their phone in their car as they do something- I don’t know what.  One of them _could be_ that they are travelling by night and sleeping through the day – Cosima, please, think about it.  Use your _brain_ ; God _knows_ you have one!  Sometimes, people don’t pick up.  This the world well knows, yet _none_ knows it well, when it’s the person they’re trying to call.  Patience, Cosima, is all we can maintain when it’s a waiting game.”  Cosima stopped shaking ever so slightly, and moved closer to Shay, hugging her tightly.  The smaller woman was grateful that she was no longer tied up in her sling, and could move her arm with marginally more ease again.

Holding onto her tightly, Cosima cried, letting a surprised Shay stroke her back.  “The only way we can know for sure right now, Cosima, is by driving as _quickly_ as possible, and seeing it for ourselves, talking to the people ourselves, asking our _own_ questions, and getting the _answers_ for ourselves.  Okay?  Seeing as it will take an uncomfortably long amount of time, we just have to wait.  Do you understand me?  We _can’t_ jump to conclusions before we know all of the facts; you _know_ this.  That’s one of the _basic_ scientific attitudes…” she trailed off, not knowing any other way to console this weeping woman.

Cosima stopped of her own accord, sniffing and breathing shallowly, but no longer crying.

Shay looked at her, eyes full of concern.  “How are you feeling?”

“…You know that… intense panic that sort of… makes your breath hitch and go really awkward?  …Yeah, that’s what I’ve got.  I need some air.”

She slowly stumbled back inside the car, reattaching her cannula and eventually controlled her breathing so that it returned to a normal speed.  She looked over at Art, who was just sitting at the wheel, arms crossed and frowning.  “Sorry, Art.  I don’t want to make excuses for myself, but, like, I am really freaked.”  The response he gave her was short.

“Don’t kick my wheels again, ‘kay?”  Cosima nodded sheepishly, her chin falling to meet her collar.

She looked behind herself, expecting to see Shay, but saw just an empty seat.  Looking back out of the car, she realised that Shay was still outside, and was… talking on the phone… _Cosima’s_ phone.  Her brows furrowed, Shay seemed to be concentrating.  The dreadlocked woman hurried back out of the car, not noticing the few cars that sped past them, only interested in knowing _who_ was on the other end of that phone call.

She heard Art sigh loudly, and he got out of the car too, watching what was going on.

Cosima looked at Shay with one hand and her eyebrows raised in question.  Shay nodded, taking in the words of the speaker.

“Oh, really?  Right.  Mhm.”

“Who is it?” Cosima asked quietly, her heart gripped by an icy fist, squeezing, squeezing.

Shay shook her head at her, holding up her index finger and turning slightly as if to hear the speaker better.

“Oh, shit…” she whispered, and that was too much for Cosima.  She strode forwards and snatched the phone out of Shay’s hand.  The blonde woman moved as if to fight back, but decided a moment later that it really wasn’t worth it.

“Who is this?” Cosima demanded into the small device she held in her hand.  The silence on the other end made her angrier.  “Hello?  Who is this?”

_“I suppose I could be asking the same question, but then again, it is your number I’m dialling.  It’s almost a pleasure to meet you, Cosima.  It’s more delightful to put a voice to the name.  Maybe someday we can get to the level of meeting face to face, but for now, I’ll just stick to telephone calls.  I’m Bobby.  I’m a friend of Shay’s and I have some information for you.”_

“Wha-” Cosima blurted, entirely unsure how to react.

 _“Shay always told me you were eloquent,”_ the voice sniggered down the line.

“How did you get my number?” Cosima asked, glaring at Shay and blaming her.

_“You’re on my land; I can get anything I want.”_

“Aer you… threatening me?” Cosima asked incredulously.  _How dare she…_

 _“Oh, don’t worry; I’m your friend for all intents and purposes right now; Shay vouching for you and Detective Bell made sure of that, but there’s only so much a girl can do, you know?  Friends don’t always last forever... if you catch my drift,”_ Bobby sighed, and Cosima could _feel_ the grin she had plastered on her ugly, invisible face.  _“Anyway, while this little friendship is still alive and kicking, I suggest you listen to what I have to say.”_

Cosima narrowed her eyes at Shay, wondering how much her ‘vouching’ meant to Bobby.

“How do I know I can trust you and whatever it is you have to say to me?”

 _“You don’t.  But here’s the thing: – and, you’re totally gonna love this part – what I have to say is_ good news.  _Trust it or not, you’re gonna want to believe it.”_

“You’d better get talking, then…” Cosima bit her words out, taking an intense dislike to this woman, whoever she was.

 _“Shay came to see me yesterday, giving me the description of two women.  I sent that information out to my most trusted friends in my establishments, and I’ve just got a call-”_ Cosima’s heart froze, not wanting to beat again until she heard everything Bobby wanted to say.  _“Two women arrived in a town called Respite just now, matching the descriptions given to me.  They’re in a café right now; I’ve been told they just ordered.  They’ll be there for some time... if you’re interested.”_

She _did_ want to believe, she really, really did, but it was too easy.

“How can we be sure it’s them?  I mean, they could be anyone, right?  What did they order?”

_“Seriously?  You expect me to know that?”_

“Come on, dude, how else am I meant to know if it’s them or not?”

Bobby sighed.

_“Fine.  Give me a moment.”_

She was gone for a little while, and then her voice returned.

 _“You still there?”_ she asked.

“Sure am.”

_“One asked for a stew, the other a cheese sandwich with a sprinkling of tomato on top.”_

_It’s them.  You_ know _it’s them, Cosima.  You can feel it with every inch of your body._ She turned to the people watching her.

“Holy watershed, guys, they’re alive!” she breathed out, relieved.  Everything seemed slightly lighter.  She turned her attention back to Bobby.  “Okay, Bobby the Mysteriously Benevolent Mystery Voice, is it possible to get a message to them?  Discreetly and with their safety in mind.”

_“Why discreetly?  You think one of those DYAD assholes have snuck into one of my towns to endanger them?  Please, don’t insult me.  But yeah, sure, we can do that.  If you say please.”_

Cosima rolled her eyes.  The day she met this woman face to face, she would most likely greet her with a warm and friendly right hook to the nose.

“Okay, honey, your superiority complex will only reach so far.  But seeing as I’m polite, I will say please.  Please, Bobby, could you send them a message?”

 _“Sure,_ honey.  _What do you want to say?”_

“Um… okay, hang on… Yeah, yeah, I think I know.  Are you sure there aren’t any cronies there?”

_“If there were, they’d be tied up in a basement and waiting for me to beat some sense into them.”_

“Wow, shit, okay.  I’ll believe you, no matter how grim that sounds.  Can you tell them… ‘Bowers doesn’t follow here.  You’re under the willow…’ and, um, _shit_ , ‘backup is following you, wait for us.’  Yeah, can you get that to them, please?  And tell them to pick up the God damned phone!” she laughed nervously.

_“Their phone’s probably being tracked, numbnuts, the best advice you could give them is to throw it away as soon as possible.  DYAD’s got the best technology available, you wanna make sure you get yourself a burner like this one soon enough.”_

“Oh… Oh, can you tell them that in the message too, please?  Just so they know it’s me for sure, tell them the goats are tagging them.”

_“Yes, okay.  And now, that brings this conversation to an end.  You make your way to Respite now, darlin’, and I get your little message sent.  Alright?  Safe journey, kiddo.  The roads are gettin’ kinda icy.”_

The line went dead, and Cosima sat there, wondering what the hell had just happened.

“Oh my God, they’re alive.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

 _She sounds so weepy.  How in the name of Christ did Shay fall for that girl?  How did she_ stay _with her for so long?_

Bobby picked up her second burner, and dialled the number of her café in Respite, trying to forget the fact that Shay was _still_ in love with that wimpy girl, but failing.  The phone answered as she was picking softly at some of the threading on her jeans.

_“Hello, this is Café Avant, how can I help you?”_

“Hey there Miri, it’s me again.”

_“Oh!  Hi, boss.  What can I do for ya now?”_

“You’re the one who called them in, right?  You’re serving them now?”

_“Yep!  They’ve ordered their food, it’s just time for me to take them their water, now.”_

“Excellent.  I have two jobs for you if you’d be so kind as to help a girl out.”

_“Sure thing, boss.  The whole team here will do anything you need.”_

“Firstly, there’s a message that needs to be given to them.  Tuck it into the girl’s sandwich on a piece of paper or something, just make sure it gets to them silently, and with no hassle.  I don’t want anyone knowing what’s up, okay?”

_“Sure, that’s doable.  What do you want in the message?”_

Bobby faltered, looking down at the piece of paper she had scribbled the message down onto.  _Backup is following you, wait for us._ Bobby wasn’t a fool.  She had done as much digging into this as she could, and she now had the names of the women heading to DYAD.  Oh, there was some really juicy stuff going on with the _both_ of them, but Bobby was most interested in the one called Delphine Cormier.  The doctor.  She had been in a tangle with that asshole Leekie before.  It was obvious she wasn’t going back to him to share mimosas together.  If she was heading back to him after all these years, after the disappearance of that girl… it didn’t mean anything good for Leekie. 

“One sec, Miri, I’ve just gotta check these notes.”

 _“That’s fine,”_ Miri smiled down the phone, cheerful as always.

Leekie had made Shay’s life hell.  Delphine was headed back to him, to make _his_ life hell, and had brought along a serial killer to help her.

Cosima and the detective were not headed for war; they intended to _stop_ them doing whatever it was they were doing, and Shay, love-struck old Shay, would let them.  Well, Bobby had half of Canada at her disposal; she wasn’t about to let the man who had hurt the woman she loved get away with it.  Shay deserved better.

“Okay, Miri, here it is: ‘Bowers doesn’t follow here.  You’re under willow.  The mobile voice is tagged by goats.’ Got that?  And then sign it ‘A friend’, those girls are very important, so they have to know they’re safe.”

_“Alright, I’ll make sure they get it.  And… what’s the second job?”_

Bobby smiled. 

“Bug their table when you take them the water.  I want to know everything these girls are planning.”

 


	36. Impeded Forward Momentum

The car journey had grown into a half-comfortable silence.

Now that Cosima wasn’t desperately calling on her phone or getting overly angry at something she couldn’t control, the conversations and discussions had stopped.

Nobody spoke, but they were all slightly relieved that they didn’t _have_ to.  A necessity to talk meant that something else was going wrong, and it was a relief to see that everything seemed to have dipped to ‘as bad as it can get’ and was now slowly getting better; they had got their message to Delphine and Helena, and now all they had to do was drive quickly and join them in Respite, and they could all go to DYAD together and negotiate with Leekie. 

Cosima found that the silence offered the opportunity to think properly, deeply.  She had had plenty of time to do so at the hospital, but those thoughts had been mostly oppressive, dark, pessimistic thoughts.  Out here, her thoughts turned more melancholy. 

Looking out at all the green, green, green that they passed, and the colour and energy of it, Cosima couldn’t help but question the reality of it all.  How could it be so bright, when inside… she felt so heartless?

Helena and Delphine were alive, so why did she feel as empty as she did?

The question was stupid because the answer was obvious.

_Scott._

_Oh, Scott._   She had tried to ignore it as best as she could, distracting herself over Delphine and Helena, _obsessing_ over where they were.  She wished she could have seen more of him that night, could have been more readily available for him before he left, hadn’t sent him off as brusquely as she had.

All he had _ever_ done was look out for her, and she had had the audacity to doubt him and his loyalty to her.  It made her feel sick.

She wanted to apologise to him.  But… most of all, she wanted to chat with him, the chats that she had missed for so long… chats about their favourite books, the latest games and films… chats about the utter geekiness of it all.  She knew she had made it difficult for him, being so focussed – no, _obsessed_ about the spies and the cure – and their communication had faltered slightly, but she really, _really_ missed it.  She missed Scott.

Scott and his _ridiculous_ manner.  Cosima felt her bottom lip wobble and she cursed her own inability to keep her feelings internal.  Everything she felt, she projected to everyone, for them all to see. 

The silence in the car was growing oppressive, and she was struggling to swim back to the surface of her feelings, being drowned by the intensity of the emotions she was trying to deal with.  Trying to breathe quietly so as not to give away its rattling shake, she let a couple of tears slide down her face, as of yet unable, really, to accept that Scotty, her Scotty, was no longer here. 

Did she want Eric dead?

She didn’t really doubt that the answer was yes.  They had known each other previously, and she had respected him for his own respect for science.  And he had killed her best friend in cold blood, the one friend she could count on forever.

Cosima bit her lip, a learnt habit from Delphine, desperately trying to stop herself from crying.  Tears were the _last_ thing that would help with what had happened.

That didn’t stop them from flowing, however.

Did she want Leekie dead?

She was horrified by the intensity of the pure hatred that boiled through her body.

She had told herself – told _everyone_ – that DYAD was her last chance at finding a cure, now.  She couldn’t afford to _lose_ that chance, for risk of losing her own life.  She really did need to find a cure, and fast – the weak rattle in her chest, the tumours that clogged up her body, her laboured movement, all proved that in as gruesome a way as possible.  She could not afford for Leekie to die, for her was the one running the trials for her cure at DYAD.

But at the same time, Leekie had sent multiple spies into her labs, into her life, he had made attempts on her own life by taking the cure from her, and he had infringed on her personal life beyond belief.  But her anger was not for fear of herself.  He had sent killers who took the lives of the people she loved – still loves – and had brought others she loved immense amounts of pain… Shay included.  She wasn’t privy to what the smaller woman had faced at DYAD, and she didn’t seem inclined to share it anytime soon, but Shay had made her hatred for Leekie quite clear.

Did she want him dead?

Cosima knew that the answer was, undoubtedly, yes.  She would be lying if she said she didn’t.

So why was she following Delphine and her sister?

Partly, to pretend that Scott was okay, to keep herself so occupied that she couldn’t have time to consider the fact that he was no longer here.

She had told Art and Shay – and herself – that was to _stop_ them from killing anyone, to make sure she could still cure herself – go against everything she stood for and get a job at DYAD, if she had to – but there was a very small being inside her that whispered teasingly in her ear, calling her out on her bullshit.

To her horror, she listened to it and realised that it was right.

To her horror, she could see it all clearly now.

To her horror, she had a feeling, almost indiscernible, that she was following because she wanted to have a part in his demise.

She wanted to be there.  She wanted to watch, glee in her eyes, as Leekie could do nought but watch them pull apart everything he had tried to build.

She couldn’t help but imagine it.

She couldn’t help but imagine how that would feel.

She couldn’t help but imagine how utterly delightful it would be to destroy someone who had destroyed so much himself.

Try to ignore it as she might, her stomach roiled, filled with a rage that made her feel sick, that she couldn’t calm down, that she couldn’t even _force_ down.  It mixed with the twisting of her heart that filled with all-consuming grief for Scott that had risen to the fore, no longer needing to worry about her sister and Delphine.  She felt a trembling in her body, but this was not a shaking of weakness.

No, this was the heat of her blood beginning to boil, this was her whole body _screaming_ , _fighting_ for some sort of revenge, some sort of release, some sort of action that would ensure that _nobody_ would _ever_ hurt _anyone_ she loved ever again.

She knew it was dangerous.

But she didn’t care.

_Is this the only way for me to escape this drowning sea?_

She didn’t want it to be, but she needed to find something to pull her up to the surface.  Delphine pulled her, but Leekie pulled Delphine.  The woman she loved was still hounded by the actions of that demon.

The one part of her that still kept thinking rationally had shrunk impressively now, and it was only a whisper that told her she should not live for anger, but she tried not to listen to it.

She knew she was desperate.

And she _did_ care.

But the people she loved meant more to her than anything, and she knew – had always known – that she was selfish, she knew that she wanted to have the people she loved to herself, and wanted to keep them away from anything that put them in danger.

The anger that had a burning grasp of her heart would pull her to the finish line.  When she had Delphine back, _then_ she could focus on being there for her. 

She just had to _get_ there first.

A small jolt of the car brought Cosima back to reality, her eyes refocussing and making her pay attention to what was happening around her once more.

Shay was driving, now.  She had insisted, telling Art that whilst driving was hardly physically taxing, it really did take a lot out of a person, and that he needed to rest.

She was focussed on the road, not looking at Cosima, but the brunette could tell that she had just looked at her.  The blonde’s focus on the road was too concentrated.  She moved her arm quite freely as she drove, but Cosima could see the tension in her back.

She cleared her throat, trying to dissipate the strength of the anger that still bubbled away inside her.  She needed to prepare herself for human interaction that _wouldn’t_ end with someone losing an eye.

“When we stop driving tonight…” she bit her lip, suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed, although she couldn’t explain why, “I need to check your wound- I know that you’ve said no three times now, but you can’t get at your back yourself.  I need to see if it’s healing properly.”

Shay looked askance at her, raising an eyebrow.

“You need to, do you?”

“Yeah…” Cosima trailed off, realising how demanding she had just sounded.

The silence in the car had lasted for a long time – seeing as only she and Shay were conscious at that moment, and they found it difficult to talk, and Cosima had had plenty of time to think about the woman who was now driving.  She slightly regretted how she had treated her ever since her return.

She knew that Shay still loved her, and Shay knew that Cosima still loved _her_ , but they _both_ knew that they were not meant for each other.

Cosima had treated her quite terribly from the moment she returned, pointing a gun at her – although, Shay had _totally_ started that – and being generally snide, rude, and cruel.  Her dubious self-therapy, which was her simply mulling things over and over again in her head, had suggested one idea to her… one that she didn’t much like.

Possibly, she was scared that that Shay would pull her back into their old relationship, pull her back into the person she had been before.  She couldn’t let that happen.  She couldn’t let herself regress.  She had come so far, done so much on her own that Shay hadn’t had a part of, that returning to the person she had been before was one of the last things she could ever want.

And it seemed that... in her desperation to escape that fate, she had pushed and pushed and pushed as hard against Shay as she could, being a despicable person to her in the process.  With their history, Shay was such an easy person to be cruel to, but that didn’t _justify_ the cruelty that Cosima had served her.

 _Just because I_ can _be cruel, it doesn’t mean that I_ should.

She looked at Shay, who seemed to be mulling Cosima’s sentence over in her mind.  Cosima carried on talking, feeling obligated to finish her train of thought.  “I mean… I don’t want you getting, like, an infected wound on me, you know?  I… um… I haven’t been very kind to you, recently, but… I _do_ … value your support,” she said, not quite meeting Shay’s eyes.  “It would be pretty cool if you could, like, _not_ die on me, or anything.”

Shay raised an eyebrow again.

“Same here.”

Cosima grimaced but was comforted when Shay reached out a hand for hers.  She took it, and they squeezed each other’s hands for a moment.  Then, Shay squinted out ahead and then sighed.

“Shit,” she ran a hand through her hair, “it looks like we’ve got a problem.”

Cosima turned to look as well.

From the crest of a hill, they finally saw down the other side, and Cosima gaped.

Queues and queues of traffic, lining up all the way until it was out of sight in the distance.

“Oh my God,” Cosima mumbled, everything in her body slumping, even the anger that bubbled under the surface taming in the face of such a disaster.  “Oh no, we aren’t gonna make it out of this for at least three hours…”

“Think it was an accident up ahead?” Shay asked, frowning suspiciously.  “Or do you think it was less _accident_ , and more _let’s-hold- up-the-backup?_  

Cosima let Shay’s words sink in.  Did DYAD have such resources available to them?  Possibly smashing a massive lorry into the car of some innocent family?

And the anger returned.  Hot, seething, boiling.  Her face remained calm, but her hands balled into fists on her lap, and Shay openly acknowledged it this time.

“Hey, hey, Cosima… it’s okay.  It’s okay, this doesn’t matter, it’ll be fine.”  She put a reassuring hand on Cosima’s shoulder as their car came to an actual full stop.

Cosima wanted so badly to shrug her off, but it wasn’t because it was Shay, it was because she didn’t want to be _touched_ right now, she didn’t want to have anyone come near her when she felt so _angry_.  If anything, she was afraid that she might burn her with the anger that Shay felt radiating off her.  She was a spiritual healer as well as a scientist; she had always been able to tell when Cosima was angry.

She tried not to breathe quickly in and out of her nose; she didn’t have the lung capacity for such a thing, but the fear, the anger, the exhaustion all mixed together telling her that she had to _do_ something.

But what could she do?  She was in a traffic jam, and she wasn’t even the one driving.  She couldn’t even fucking _drive_.  She would just have to _sit_ here, and let it all _boil_ until it condensed into the pure emotion that she needed to stay alive in this mess.

She choked as her throat caught onto an unidentifiable snag, causing her to hack her lungs out.  She caught the blood with a tissue from a packet she had grown used to carrying around with her at all times now.

If she wasn’t careful, she would die before they got out of this traffic jam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A moment of reflection for the loss at Orlando. That is a grief unlike any other.


	37. The Fragility of Delicate Veneers

With a strange sense of déjà vu, Delphine finished fastening up the tarpaulin over the back of the truck that now held their most recent purchases, when Helena appeared beside her, munching on the heel of a loaf that claimed to have the name ‘French bread’ but couldn’t have been further from what Delphine had grown up eating.  The bread she had eaten in her youth had been just as delicious and exciting as anything that had been used to top it, from jams and preserves to slices of meat.

Curiously, the bread had most certainly been one of the things that Delphine missed the most when she had moved over here for college.  After the food, it had become other things like the weather, and then the things that she used to do in her free time… she especially missed her favourite haunts back in Lille. 

When she had been studying, working exceptionally hard to get the results she needed for college, she took delight in spending an hour or two picking a book from her mother’s extensive collection and taking it to the République des Beaux-Arts and soaking in the atmosphere as she read.  On a hot day, she would enjoy the heat and let it soak into her skin.  On cold days, she would wrap up well, and read as she snuggled into her coat, the thick gloves that she wore always proving a challenge when it came to turning the pages.

A cruel burst of wind that reached its icy bony fingers inside her clothes made Delphine shiver, pulling her back to the present day.  She tried to listen to what Helena was saying to her now.

“You are ready for next part, yes?” Helena asked, clearly enjoying the bread she was eating, despite it having no butter.  It must have been terribly dry.

“ _Oui_ , I think it is a necessary stage.”

“You are right.  Also, it is good that we do not have to break a law because of it.”  She laughed at Delphine, who grimaced.

“I am not looking forward to the day that I have to hit and run again,” she chewed on her lip, “or break any more laws.”

Sneaking into DYAD to retrieve stolen scientific material… if she was reclaiming what belonged to Cosima and her company, did that still count as stealing?  She hoped not, but she didn’t know.

“Do not worry, Goldilocks.  I will look after you!  Leekie will not hurt you.”

Delphine raised an eyebrow sceptically.

“You know, Helena, I have reached a point in which I am no longer worrying about him hurting me.  He’s _already_ trying to do that, sending his cronies after us to kill us?  Main us?  Bring us back to him?  I don’t know.  But… what if we can’t find it?  The hard drive with the data?  What if we can’t physically steal it back from him?  How will we put together a physical cure in time actually to help Cosima?  I am terrified that in doing what he has done, Leekie has hurt Cosima more than he has hurt me, but in hurting Cosima, he hurts me more than I can put into words.”  She ran a hand through her hair.  “And, all the while, he sits in his chair at DYAD, laughing gleefully to himself,” she sighed, her shoulders feeling so dreadfully heavy.

She felt as if she was fighting a losing battle, pushing against a man who had beaten her every time she tried to win.

Helena swallowed her last mouthful of bread and turned Delphine to look back at her.  The shorter woman’s eyes were full of an intensity that was both terrifying and curious to the Frenchwoman.

“Maybe the pig will not survive the roast…” she looked up at Delphine, her eyes… suggestive.

Delphine blinked a couple of times, letting her meaning sink in.

“You mean… you mean if Leekie _dies?_ ” she asked, her voice lowering to a murmur in the car park.

Helena shrugged and checked Delphine’s fastenings on the tarpaulin, speaking clearly but quietly as she did so.

“Who is the pig?  I don’t know.”  She cocked her head to the side, looking at Delphine with a challenge in her eyes.  “You decide who the wild boar to be hunted is.”  She stepped closer to Delphine.  “But I think… you have had enough of being hunted, now.  But… you choose, Del-fin.  You choose.”

She considered Delphine for a moment longer and then turned.  “Come, we have not much time left.”

And with that, she led the way to their next destination. 

Their first stop was an optician.  The sun was getting lower in the sky, and Delphine’s watch, which – mercifully – still worked, told them that they had about four hours until most shops began to close.  Delphine was sure that that would be enough time for them to get everything done.

The man at the desk was intimidated by them both from the moment they stepped into the cool, air-conditioned building.  He grew flustered when he heard what they wanted.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” he said, sweating as he spoke to Delphine, Helena glaring at him to the side of the Frenchwoman, “but it is against company policy to sell our display frames…” he trailed off, clutching onto his clipboard as if it were a lifebelt in a rough sea, arms crossed over it and gripping onto the opposite sides.

Feeling stiff from her bruises and cuts, Delphine wasn’t sure that her intentions would get her anywhere, but she tried all the same.  She bit her lip gently, the cut on her face giving her a rough sexiness - as if she had just driven a motorbike out of a burning building which then exploded upon her exit.  She ran a hand through her hair, acutely aware of the effect she was having on him.

“ _Je suis desolée_ ,” she murmured softly, and he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down erratically, “but I find myself in desperate need of a pair…” she trailed off suggestively, leaning a little on the counter in front of her, making sure her eyes were only lazily opened.  He gulped again and carried on.  “You see, I already _have_ someone to make my prescription lenses, but here, you have such an excellent choice of _frames_ that I really want…” she glanced at his chest, slowly moving her eyes down, licking her lips with devilish intent.

He blinked repeatedly, clearly unused to such attention.  He was sweating profusely.

“Well, if you’re entirely sure you want the display pair…” he started slowly, holding onto the counter for support, glancing at Delphine’s lips and _more_ , “our frames come in different price ranges… the ones you’ve picked here are in the $150 range-”

Helena slapped $200 down on the counter, making the man jump.  Terrified of the smaller woman, he fumbled with the cash register and put the deal through achingly slowly.

“Would you like me to clean them-” he started, his face turning back to where the woman had originally stood, but when he looked, they were already at the exit, Delphine giving him a small smile and a coy wave before they were out of sight.

“ _Merde_ , I _hate_ using my sex to get what I want,” she mumbled to no one in particular as they walked to their next stop.  It felt too close to what she had done at college, and that had affected everything she had ever done since.

“Yes, but… what is it Mrs S always says…” Helena tapped her cheek a few times, brows furrowed in concentration until she clicked her finger when she had the words.  “‘Needs must!’  I think it is okay if it is something you really need.” 

Delphine frowned, still unhappy.

“I wonder when the day will come that it won’t work on men anymore, having been raised to respect women more.”

Helena snorted.

“Women do it, too,” she laughed.  “If you look gooey enough, _anyone_ will give you what you want, Goldilocks.  It is your hairs.  They are… they are straight from God.”  Delphine was baffled.

"Oh.   _Merci,_ Helena."

Cleaning the lenses of the glasses on a loose part of her shirt, Delphine looked up to their next destination that they were coming up to; a large department store.  She placed the frame on the bridge of her nose.  She had done the menial job of cleaning lenses a few times for Cosima, but actually _wearing_ the things was a completely different business.  It wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, but it was very… bizarre.  She blinked a few times, getting used to the foreign feeling of having something between her eyes and the world around her.

“Now, we find hat to hide my hairs,” Helena grinned.  She was excited, and it was rubbing off onto Delphine, who grinned in response.  When Helena looked at her, she laughed her throaty laugh again, clearly finding Delphine’s appearance worthy of a guffaw.

Delphine understood why Helena would be uncomfortable approaching her with scissors and blades, with intent to _cut_.  Her upbringing a mystery to Delphine, the only thing she knew was there had been plenty of abuse, and when they had washed in the river much earlier that morning, before she had fallen back asleep when they returned, Delphine had caught a glimpse of shapes and lines on the woman’s back that the Frenchwoman would never forget.  At any rate, Delphine simply couldn’t imagine how odd Helena would look with any other hairstyle. 

It didn’t take them long to find a hat that Helena liked – for she _loved_ _all_ of them.  Delphine helped her to find one she could bunch up all of her wild hair into.  It was a wide brimmed hat, and definitely made for a man, but Helena had no qualms about that.  They purchased it with very little hassle and were on their way again before they knew it, already slightly different in appearance.  Having hidden her hair, Delphine could see the similarity to her sister even more, and she smiled with a twisting melancholy reaching into her heart.  Oh, how she missed Cosima.

The only thing that made them stand out now… was Delphine. 

Sighing, she resigned herself to her fate.  She had suggested it, after all, so it was only right that she go through with it.

Helena pursed her lips.

“I will be sad to see your hairs go.”

Delphine laughed.

“I bet I will be sadder than you…” she smiled sadly, and they entered the salon that they had passed before.

The hairdresser who greeted them was friendly.  At first, Delphine had thought that she was _suspiciously_ over-friendly, and was nervous about her and the salon, but Helena had put a hand on her shoulder, persuading her in.

“Do not project your worry onto people.  This is bad judgement,” she whispered encouragingly, and Delphine loosened herself up a little.

Upon hearing what Delphine wanted to do with her hair, the hairdresser’s eyes lit up excitedly and gushed about how much she loved the idea.

Cringing over her next decision, Delphine asked her if she could just cut it right away and be done with it, no washing or preamble, just _do it_.

“Are you sure?  The quality of the cut would be so much better if I could wash your hair and take care of it from the beginning…” the hairdresser reminded her gently.  Helena looked on with interest.

“You say… it is better for her hairs if you wash it?” she asked the hairdresser, who nodded.

“Mhm.  With what she wants, a wash is quite important…” she trailed off, not wanting to push anything.

Helena turned to Delphine.

“No, Goldilocks, we have plenty time and enough money.  It will be okay.”  Helena turned to the hairdresser and looked at her closely, only _slightly_ threateningly.

“Treat her hairs well, yes?  They are very important.”  The hairdresser nodded quickly, taking Helena’s request to heart.

“Yes, ma’am!  It will be _divine_ by the time I’m done with it!” she smiled, and winked cheekily at Delphine.

The Frenchwoman relaxed into the routine and let the expert do what she was good at.  She had always had the best haircare, but sometimes you had to have priorities, right?  But, if Helena wanted it, she supposed she may as well do it right.

The hairdresser engaged them in some conversation, but she wasn’t too forceful.  Helena chatted more than Delphine did.

The whole process was painstakingly long, but Helena was fascinated with every step of it, from the washing to the cutting to the _dyeing_. 

Helena had taken to sucking both of her lips into her mouth for the last half an hour, imagining that she could see Delphine’s hair change colour through the dye.  She was concentrating hard, and taking immense enjoyment from it, too.  Delphine had been uncomfortable with the intensity of her staring at first, but as with most things ‘Helena’, she got used to it.

Delphine began to grow uneasy again, nearing the end of the process. Plenty of time had passed, in which _anything_ could have happened, from a tracker being placed on their truck to six tails having located them, waiting for them to leave so that they could follow them and maybe kill them too.

By the time the hairdresser was done, it was nearing closing time.

Eventually, she was standing up out of the chair, almost entirely unrecognisable to herself.  Helena handed her the glasses they had just bought, and she slipped them back on.  Her hair was much shorter, just above her jawline, and was now a very deep, dark shade of chestnut brown.

Seeing herself look so different, with glasses as well, Delphine felt ever so slightly better.  It was a weak disguise, but it was enough to make Delphine feel a tiny bit more invisible.  It was strange to think that invisibility could feel so  _good._

Satisfied, and with a lighter head than before, she smiled nervously at the hairdresser.

“Are ya happy?” she asked Delphine cheerily, wielding her can of hairspray like a fancy pistol.

“ _Oui_ ,” she whispered gingerly.  It was different, but she really was quite satisfied with the result.  She wondered if Leekie would recognise her.

“Gotta say, it really changes your face.  You had a lotta grace coming in here, but honey, now you’re radiant!” the hairdresser winked at her, making Delphine blush inexplicably.

Helena came to stand in front of the Frenchwoman, regarding her curiously.

She reached out a hand to Delphine’s new hair, gingerly taking a few ends of her gentle curls and feeling them with her fingertips.

“So pretty and soft,” she muttered to herself.  Delphine smiled and lifted a hand to Helena’s hair in response.

“Not as pretty as yours, _Doudou_ ,” she grinned, and Helena grinned back with just as much enthusiasm, letting out another one of her low laughs from her throat.

The hairdresser sighed and put a hand over her heart.

“You know, it may be absolutely _none_ of my business, but I just _have_ to say it,” she started, causing both of the women to look over at her, still gently fiddling with each other’s hair, “you guys are absolutely gorgeous together!” she smiled wistfully at them and nodded her head a little, as if to reinforce her statement.

Helena looked back at Delphine, grinning mischievously.  Again, Delphine saw Cosima in that devilish grin, and she rolled her eyes.  Helena turned back to the hairdresser.

“Thank you very much.  But… we have small problem,” she leant toward the hairdresser conspiratorially.  The other woman leant in too, listening intently to what Helena had to say.

“What’s that?” she whispered, almost nervously.

“My girlfriend here,” Helena took hold of Delphine’s hand, making her blush a violent red colour, and held it tightly, “she is being followed by men who work for her violent husband,” she spoke quietly, looking around the salon, which was now empty of patrons, and only one other woman was there, sweeping up the hair from the floor.  Delphine was surprised by how convincing Helena was.  The hairdresser frowned.

“You’re saying that… he won’t let you go?” she asked, looking at Delphine.

Knowing her performance skills were deplorable at best, Delphine lowered her eyes to the floor.

“They were married long time ago when she was too young.  She met me, and we fell in love.  He is a bad man, an evil man, he liked to hurt my lover,” Helena responded for her, leaning back and pulling Delphine closer to her side, making their hips bump.  It was not hard for Delphine to put on a suitably distraught face.  Helena was only trying to help their situation, but she was describing what had happened with Danielle almost perfectly.

The hairdresser had a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide.  She put a consoling hand on Delphine’s arm, squeezing it gently.  The taller woman gritted her teeth as she pressed on her bruise, but managed a small smile through it all.  Obviously, the cut and small bruises on her face were convincing enough to make this woman believe that their story was true.

“Well, honey, I promise you that I will not tell _anyone_ that you were here today – not a single soul – and I will make sure that everyone else in my salon keeps their mouth shut, too.  My sister… she was in a very bad relationship, too…  It was so hard for her to escape from it.  You are so brave, the both of you,” she teared up a little, and Delphine felt her own eyes responding.

Would someone like this woman have helped her escape from Leekie, all those years ago?  Was asking for help the only thing she needed have done, instead of face it on her own, with her harmful pride taking it all?  Could Danielle’s death have been _averted_ had Delphine only gone and asked someone for _help_ , for _once?_   She felt genuine tears of gratitude slide gently down her cheeks before she realised it, the salt stinging in her cut.

Speaking shakily, she moved to the hairdresser, hugging her.

“Thank you.  Thank you so very, very much,” she cried through the words, but the shorter woman didn’t seem to mind.

Good people were so very few and far between.  They had to be appreciated when found, lest their kindness be tested too much, then dulled.  Maybe this woman would help someone else in need another time, someone who needed it just a little bit more than Delphine did now.  This was help that was ten years too late, but she still appreciated it.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing,” the woman smiled, “it’s the least I can do, you know?”

Helena paid in full, and gave her an extremely generous tip, too.

“For looking after her hairs,” she mumbled.”

“Oh God, no, I can’t take this much from you!” she gasped, with the unsaid words behind her face; _you’ll need it while you’re running._   She tried to hand it back, but Helena insisted she take it.  Delphine chipped in.

“If you won’t take it for yourself, at least keep it safe and use it for when someone else needs your help, running from someone else’s cruelty.”  She meant every word.

The hairdresser seemed to accept it at that point.

“That’s a beautiful idea, ma’am.  I shall do just that,” she planted her mouth in a firm line, nodding, determined.  “Good luck to you both,” she smiled gently, and Helena and Delphine left.

A strange, humid silence hung over them both as they made their way back to the truck.

“She was good woman.  I hope she does not get hurt.”

Delphine shivered.

“Such a kind person deserves more than that,” she responded, letting out a breath of tainted air, feeling her own poison leave a trail as she walked.

The sky was much darker now, and they walked quickly back to the parking lot.  Their disguises, whilst useful from a distance, were not so effective up close, so they tried to avoid as many people as they could, walking with their heads down.

Once they made it back to the truck, they checked immediately for anything out of place; anything taken from or added to the bed of their truck.  Helena quickly slipped underneath the truck itself, checking for any trackers or things planted on their vehicle, making Delphine’s heart jump into her mouth in fear of something exploding with the smaller woman right next to it, but there seemed to be nothing there.

Delphine offered to drive this time.

“You are sure, sestra?” she asked, her eyebrows raised in concerned question.

“ _Oui_ ,” she replied, “I am feeling much better, thanks to my delicious paper-sandwich I had for lunch today,” she joked, and the way Helena moved a hand to her stomach, licked her lips, and looked to their stash of food in the bed of the truck made Delphine giggle just a little bit.

“Come on, _Loulou_ , we can eat once we have left this town.  Now, it is time we go.”

“Okay,” she nodded sadly, and they both got into the truck.

When Delphine started the engine, Helena turned to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Today has been good day, Del-fin.  Fun.”  She grinned cheekily at Delphine.  “I hope for more fun days.”

The Frenchwoman smiled back at her.

“I look forward to them,” she said, and then tentatively added, “sestra.”

The smile she got in response from Helena was worth so much more than Delphine could define or explain.

An inexplicable happiness settling over the two women, they drove off, leaving Respite.

 


	38. Black Cat in a Dark Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Some Tumblr kerfuffle led to me deleting my whole account and starting again, because I'm not particularly tech savvy, despite my privilege of being born in this age. You can find me [ here](http://moreficpleaseanddontsparetheink.tumblr.com/) if you want to.  
>   
> I had intended to post a few days earlier, but I have been arguing with people about the current state of my country and attempting to do what I legally can to the racists who have risen up with a vengeance in the last couple of days. I'm officially sad now, and legit terrified of the future. Mustn't grumble, though, I'm still alive.  
>   
> This chapter is short, but I've been having trouble sitting still since Friday.
> 
> I need to go and kick something that isn't living or in any way sentient (and will most likely hurt me more than it).
> 
> Love,  
> HermioneSpencer

The first thing Cosima noticed upon awakening was the chill.  Her limbs were shaking with the effort of trying to warm her frail body up, but it didn’t seem to be doing much good.  Before her groggy, sluggish mind could stop them, she felt her teeth chattering violently, almost painfully.  Instinctively, she brought her hands up around her body, hugging herself to keep her warm.

The second thing Cosima noticed was the lack of movement in the car.  They were stationary.  It was very dark.

The third thing Cosima noticed was Shay’s face, about a forearm’s length away from Cosima’s own, her eyebrows pulled together and her hand on Cosima’s shoulder, shaking her gently, probably not helping with how much Cosima was shaking.

Straightening in her seat and rubbing at her eyes, Cosima tried to make sense of everything that was happening around her.  Her teeth were clenching painfully now to stop their chattering but she did her best to ignore it.  Instead, she looked at Shay who was standing in the open car doorway, clearly attempting to get Cosima out of the car.

“That’s it, Cosima, wake up,” she murmured, seeing that Cosima had regained a semblance of consciousness.  “Come on, come on Cos, are you with me yet?” she asked, encouraging Cosima out of her slumber.  The brunette focussed on Shay’s eyes, and she willed herself awake, not wishing to be a slug when Shay was obviously trying to get her to move.

Stretching her legs out at much as the footwell would allow, she groaned at the stiffness in her limbs.

“Oh, shit…” she whimpered, her legs feeling incredibly heavy.  Her eyes were full of sand and her arms had sandbags attached to them.

“Come on, Cosima, can you move for me, please?  Can you get out of the car?” Shay continued to talk softly, gently.  Cosima vaguely wondered where she found the patience.

“Shit,” Cosima repeated, her voice stronger now, given power by her limp lungs, which were wheezing yet trying to give her the air she needed.  By the feel of her limbs, she clearly _wasn’t_ getting enough oxygen.  “Are we here?” she asked, her eyes looping back over to Shay, who was trying to hook her arm over her shoulder in an attempt to get her out of the small vehicle.

“Yeah, yeah we are honey, come on, I know you’re really tired, but we just have to get into the hotel, and set you up in your bed and that’s it,” she spoke gently still, but now that Cosima was almost fully aware, the brunette could detect something in Shay’s voice that was slightly off-putting.  It set Cosima on-edge, but she couldn’t quite put a finger on it, and that meant she couldn’t address the problem.  Was Shay worried about her?  Was Cosima in that bad a state?  That would explain the ever so slightly worried tone Shay was projecting.  Cosima only then worked out _what_ Shay had said, rather than how she had said it.

“What did I…  Hotel?  What hotel?” she asked, her speech slurred.  Where was her cannula?  Hadn’t she had it on before she fell asleep?  She still hadn’t moved from the car, but Shay was pulling slightly more forcefully now.

“I’ll tell you as soon as I get you inside, warm and comfortable, okay?  But right now, you need to get out of the car.”

“Gee, Shay, where’s the fire?” Cosima grumbled, and put her first leg out of the car and settled it shakily on the ground outside.  It looked to be a small carpark of some sort.  Her other leg soon followed, and then finally Shay pulled her out of the car fully.  “Woah…” Cosima sighed, her head feeling woozy.  This wasn’t good.  “Are we… are we in Respite?” she asked, her tongue struggling to keep up with the speed of her brain, which wasn’t too fast itself at that moment.  “Where’s Art?  Where’re Delphine and Helena?”

“Art’s just taken the first two bags of luggage up to our rooms, making sure that everything is safe for us to go ahead.  He’ll be back down in a couple of minutes or so to get the rest, and we’ll all go back up together, okay?” Shay spoke in the darkness that surrounded them both, as she opened up the door to the seat behind Cosima’s, hauling out her ridiculous oxygen tank.

“Is Delphine in there?  Helena?” Cosima asked, her grin getting wider by the second.

Shay swallowed and instead of answering Cosima, placed the tank on its wheels beside the brunette and handed her the cannula.  Cosima accepted it but did not put it on.  Shay raised an eyebrow at her.  “What?” Cosima asked indignantly.  “I’m fine.  I’m not gonna need it walking to a room, okay?”  When Shay didn’t move, her arching eyebrow clearly fixed, Cosima carried on, as if she needed to convince her.  “Besides, I don’t want Delphine to see me with a cannula for the first time when we’re reuniting.  She’ll think I’m an invalid, and I don’t wanna scare her like that.”  Shay’s brow creased.

“Cosima, Delphine is a doctor.  She knows when things are needed, and you’ll only scare her more if you don’t wear it when everyone knows you should be.  Please put it on.”  Cosima’s jaw merely set hard, and she crossed her arms over her chest.  Shay sighed.

“You are going to get yourself killed with that attitude, Cosima,” she stated, slamming the door of the back seat and moving to the trunk of the car.  Cosima grimaced but said nothing.  If there was one thing she couldn’t stand, it was people telling her what to do.  Shay was not her girlfriend anymore, and she certainly wasn’t her doctor.  She was not going to let Shay thin she could boss her around again just because she was sick.  She watched as Shay pulled out one last bag from the trunk of Art’s small car.  They were travelling light; they all had a bag each, and the one that Shay had just removed was Arts own.  And the wheelchair that Cosima had stolen was still folded up and tucked into the back.  They could hardly get rid of it now; it might alert any number of people about their whereabouts if they left it somewhere – anyone who was smart or determined enough t be looking for a clue like it would jump on it, and Art, being the detective he was, was unwilling to part with it for that reason.  Shay, being the healer that _she_ was, had insisted that Cosima not exert herself, and when Cosima had displayed too much exuberance at the risk of her lungs, Shay had threatened to strap Cosima to the chair and contain her movement that way.  That had been enough to keep Cosima still – for a while, but right now, she was jittery and excited.  She couldn’t wait to see Delphine.  Why were they waiting?

“We’re here…” she whispered to herself, “We’re here, in Respite!”  her voice grew louder, reaching over to Shay.  Cosima started pacing back and forth ever so slightly.  “You know, I almost can’t believe it.”  She turned to look at Shay fully, who was now closing the trunk and locking the car in this chilly car park.  She didn’t look at Cosima.  The brunette supposed she was annoyed about her unwillingness to wear the cannula.  She tried to distract Shay from that thought.  “You ever get that feeling where something is so out of reach and you think you’ll never get there, and then suddenly, somehow, you _do_ , you’re _there_ , and it all feels so… so surreal?”  Shay clearly wasn’t distracted by Cosima’s words.  If anything, she may have made it worse.  Shay was concentrating on the bag that sat at her feet, almost fixated with the small shape of it.  Cosima was about to open her mouth and say something most likely very insensitive, but at that moment, Cosima heard Art’s voice calling to them, coming from around the front of the relatively large building that had ‘Hotel Darrabir’ lit up gently on the side, just in case you parked in the hotel car park and somehow forgot where you were.  Art waved at them.

“The rooms are set and good, we’re ready to go,” she called out, nearing them.  “I’ve put your luggage in your respective rooms, they all seem clean enough.  Your friend is a woman of many talents, clearly.”

Cosima looked at Shay, grinning.

“You’re telling me Bobby is in with the hotel gang, too?  Seriously, Shay, who _is_ she?”

Shay grimaced.

“Back when I helped her it was just bars, that was all I ever got involved in.  Clearly, people always seem to do better off when I get out of the picture,” she said bitterly, looking at Cosima pointedly.

Cosima fiddled with the cannula that she held in her hands, unsure of how to respond.  Maybe some other day she would have retorted with a sarcastic witticism, a snide comment that would throw Shay’s knife back at her, but she didn’t feel the heart for the cruelty at that moment.  She was both too tired, and too excited to see Delphine and her sister.

“So, where’s Delphine?  And my sister?” she asked Art, unable to keep the desperation out of her voice.  Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes were glistening with slight moisture, but there were no tears yet, there was no need.  Not yet, at any rate.  When she saw Delphine, she would surely let a couple escape.  God, she missed her so much.

Art opened his mouth but no sound came out.  Brows furrowed, as usual, he looked at Shay, who shook her head quickly whilst still maintaining indecent eye contact with the floor, not meeting either of their eyes.  Art turned his own gaze back to Cosima, and stepped towards her, sighing.  He spoke quietly.

“I think it’s best if we don’t talk so openly out here.  When we get to our rooms, we’ll discuss it.  Right now, it’s best we get you inside.  It’s pretty cold out, and you aren’t wearing a coat.”

“Ummm…” Cosima let out a noise of confusion, but she smiled lopsidedly and nodded her head a couple of times.  “Okay, cool.  Let’s… go then,” she indicated in front of her, and then started walking, but it was slow due to her weakened arms and the weight of her tank.  It was a little too much for the small woman, but she hid it well, or she thought she did.  She realised a moment later that she could probably have fallen on the floor and the other two wouldn’t realise because she could hear them whispering feverishly from behind her.  Glancing behind her as inconspicuously as she could, she saw them walk with their heads together out of the corner of her eye.  She slowed down almost imperceptibly in an attempt to hear what they were saying.  Art’s rumble was easier to hear.

“No, Shay… snapped in half… left… minutes…”

“But… message… ignored?”  Cosima tried not to let their words affect her, as she couldn’t be sure what they meant, but she was beginning to get a very good idea.  She tried to stroll nonchalantly through the atrium of the hotel, but her breath was catching and she needed a break.  She wanted to kick herself for being so weak, wanted to slap herself and shout at her body to get a _grip_ , but even that would have been too much exertion.  She saw that there was a comfortable looking island of sofas in the middle of the atrium and moved towards them, indicating to Art and Shay that she needed a breather. 

She sat on the seat with her head in her hands.  She put the cannula in her nose, royally pissed off that Shay had been proven right.  It was even worse when Shay sat down next to her and offered her a small plastic cup of water.  She didn’t want to accept it, and accept that she had been right, but she was so _thirsty_ …

Sheepishly, she took the cup but refused to say a word to Shay.  The blonde seemed to accept that, albeit sadly, and she stood up, moving back to continue that strange, low decibel argument with Art.  Cosima couldn’t bring herself to call them out about being so obvious.

The water tasted funny.  She looked around for the source of such quickly fetched water and saw both the location and the reason for its bizarre taste.  It was a strange glass basin of water with a small tap coming from out of it in the middle of the cluster of seats she currently sat at, but it was full of chopped up strawberries, which was flavouring the water.  Cosima sipped from her cup again, but the water tasted quite unlike strawberries – the strawberry flavour was there, no doubt, but there was something else in it too, bitter, not like the sweet or sour a strawberry could be.  She tried to ignore it, and finished the rest of the cup, needing the water to quench her thirst.  When she stood up again, Art had gone.  Shay saw her stand and hurried over to her.  She put a hand under Cosima’s elbow but the brunette shucked her off, moving away and adding some distance between them.

“Don’t mother me,” she snapped, irritable.  She felt woozy, tired, and impatient to see her love. 

“Sorry,” Shay mumbled, raising her hands in a surrender of sorts, lowering her head again.

Cosima’s face contorted, feeling guilty for having snapped, but still annoyed at how pushy Shay was being.  That, or she was still pissed off that it was obvious to Shay how ill she was.

They walked together over to the elevator.  Shay pressed the button to call it, and they spent a moment waiting for it.

A wave of exhaustion crashed over Cosima, and she had to lean her free hand against the wall to stop herself from falling over.

“Woah… my God, woah…” she murmured, her tongue slurring yet again.  Why was she so tired?

Shay swore under her breath but was reluctant to try and touch Cosima, her displeasure having been quite clearly voiced before. 

“Cosima?  Cosima, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah… I’m… totally fine…” and just as the bell pinged to announce the arrival of the elevator, Cosima’s legs crumpled underneath her, unable to take her weight, and she fell to the floor, Shay too slow and too small to stop her descent.

 


	39. The Degeneration of Hopeful Prospects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> Chapter 39! Whaaaaaat! I just keep laughing at myself. I only thought this would make 20 or so chapters, but boy was I wrong! The timeline of this fic is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to sort out before. Legit, it’s been harder than balancing chemical equations, and that took me a long time to understand. I have worked out the exact hour of everything that takes place, I’ve been over it more times that Father Christmas has updated his list, and still I doubt its accuracy. I think, ever so slowly, I am going mad.
> 
> That said, I'm still sane for now. Just. I'm pretty sure I can hold myself together until the end of this fic, which isn't that far away! Emotional times.
> 
> I would like to thank you for still reading thus far. This fic is turning into a monstrosity, and I am so grateful that so many of you are still reading it and commenting. Your comments and thoughts spur me on to write more, and I value you so very much. I am terrified of boring y'all to death, but stick with me, shit gets crazy soon enough.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Love,  
> Cody

She slept deeply and woke slowly.  It had been a sleep so deep that Cosima didn’t dream, as she had been doing far more often recently.  The utter blankness of her mind was almost a blessing, the pure bliss of knowing _nothing_ at all was a delight to her when compared to the crushing, heavy knowledge that had weighed her down since she learnt she was ill.

That nothing didn’t stay for long.  She opened her eyes groggily, took a small breath in, and then felt the tickle in her chest, which then grew into an itch she couldn’t scratch, and before she could do anything about it, she was coughing blood onto the clean, white sheets of… a bed that she didn’t recognise. 

Finally regaining control of her breathing, Cosima uncurled her body from itself and took a look around, licking her lips.  The events of last night came back to her suddenly and forcefully.  She groaned into her sheets.  She had _fainted_ …  Shay was never going to let her go about without her oxygen tank now.  She would be strapped to the wheelchair and she would never again feel the weight of her own body on her feet and-

_Delphine…_

Cosima shot up in bed, trying to ignore the bloodstains that stared up at her like the grim artwork of a sadistic painter, and despite the sour taste in her mouth, she couldn’t help but smile.

_Delphine is here!_

She tried to untangle herself from the white sheets of the small twin bed as quickly as she could, but she was out of breath before she was even halfway out.  She let her feet dangle over the edge as she put a hand to her chest and slowly waited for her breath to return to her.  When it finally did, she raised her hands to her face and rubbed at her eyes, wishing the exhaustion would leave her alone, just for a little bit.

She moved her hand to her forehead and rubbed at her temples.  She felt a dull but noticeable pain on her left eyebrow.  Frowning, she retracted her hand.  No blood, but there was definitely an ache.  Sighing, she moved slowly off the small bed that she had slept in, and felt around for her glasses on the bedside table she saw the blurry outline of.

Smiling with the small success of locating them, she attempted to put them on but grimaced when she saw how covered in fingerprints they were. 

She took them back off, wiping them clean on the vest that she was wearing.

She stopped after cleaning the first lens when she realised what she _wasn’t_ wearing.

Someone had undressed her last night.  She was in a clean pair of her boxer shorts and a vest she most certainly hadn’t been wearing last night.

The thought that Delphine had changed her clothes was embarrassing, endearing, and maybe just a little bit arousing.

She cleaned the other lens, and then as slowly as she could without getting impatient with herself, she lowered herself from the tall bed onto the floor.  To her horror, her legs buckled beneath her and she dropped straight to the floor. 

Palms stinging from the impact of her fall, Cosima lay on the floor trying to make sense of what had just happened.  She looked at her feet and cautiously tried to move them.  To her intense relief, they moved with her.  She curled her toes, seeing that they moved too.

Very slowly, she tried to stand up again.  This time was more successful, and using the side of the bed to pull her up, Cosima was standing once again.

Cosima closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down.  She was _not_ at this stage yet.  She wouldn’t allow her body to fail her, not when she had so much to do.  She needed to find a cure for herself and for countless women across the world; she _couldn’t_ fail them now.

DYAD would make the cure, sure, but it was the principle of the thing.  _Cosima_ had worked for five years solid to find the cure, and she had come _so close,_  until suddenly everything went up in flames. 

Leaving the support of the bed, she looked around again, standing on her own.  She reasoned that she was in the hotel.

Spotting a door that must have led to an ensuite bathroom, Cosima slowly made her way towards it, her legs feeling incredibly stiff and unresponsive to the actions she tried to put them to.  As rusty and stiff as a tin man, Cosima pushed open the door and found herself looking at her reflection in a large mirror that was mounted above a small basin in front of her.

She looked… quite terrible.  Cosima’s breath caught in her throat when she saw her face.  She was gaunt and unmistakably sick.  Legs creaking with the uncomfortable weight she was holding on them, she ended up nearly falling into the bathroom, catching herself on the edge of the basin before she fell to the floor.  Only when she was closer to the mirror could she see what had happened to her face. 

She had hit her head on the floor when she fell last night.  There was a large bruise.  It wasn’t so bad, but it added to the sallow look she had plastered to her.  It spanned from the end of her eyebrow to just beneath the left temple of her glasses.  Luckily, glasses had an ability to dominate a face, and the frames drew the attention away from the bruise, making it look more like a shadow.  Only when closely inspected would one really notice it, especially with a bit of makeup disguising it.

Cosima looked at the bath and shower, but she doubted her ability to lift her legs over the side and so turned on the water, letting a small pool of lukewarm water build up.  She trudged over to a small pile of clean flannels and towels, grabbing a tiny bottle of soap that stood by the side, and set it up on the side of the basin.  She washed her face first after removing her glasses, gently dabbing at her face, and pressing more softly around her tender bruise.  The water felt good on her skin.

Slowly, she washed off the dirt of travel that had accumulated from two days without the ability to do so, having skipped the chance when she fled from the hospital.

As she performed her ablution, she grew more and more uneasy.  She seemed to be alone in this room.  There were no other beds other than the one she had occupied in the night, but no one had come to notify her of their presence.  She realised that she didn’t even know what the time was. 

Sluggishly, Cosima leant on the basin to undress herself so that she could complete her sink wash, using the flannel and the soap to get her as clean as she could be with such a primitive method of washing.  She got a large towel and dried herself, wrapping it tightly about herself.  her feet were freezing, and she needed to get herself warm quickly.  Replacing her glasses, she shivered and turned around.

Plodding ungainly back into the main room, she looked about for any indication of where her bag might have been left.  The uneasy feeling that made her breathing constrict wasn’t lessening any, so she grew nervous when she couldn’t immediately spot the bag of her belongings.

She _hated_ not knowing what was going on, and her panic only served to blur her eyesight with unshed tears.  The cold of her limbs and their own instability were causing her to hobble around, and she wasn’t breathing deeply enough.  She gasped, trying to breathe properly, but she breathed in too deeply, and suddenly she had fallen to her knees, curled in on herself like a foetus and she was coughing her innards up onto the cream towel she hugged around herself, trying to preserve her limited body heat.

She lungs screamed at the raw feeling of the cold air, and she moaned with the roughness of it all.  She was wheezing now, her breaths giving her less and less air each time until she gave up trying, coughing and crying and wondering why Delphine had not been there when she woke up.

 

Shay found her five minutes later, shivering and curled up on the floor like a sick dog.  She let the hotel room door shut gently behind her as she ran towards the curled up figure.  She was relieved to find that Cosima was awake, but the groans and moans were disturbing, to say the least.  The towel was covered in blood, half of it brown and crusty and the other half of it still bright red and shining. 

A lump formed in Shay’s throat at the sight of it, but instead of succumbing to the grief of watching Cosima die in front of her, she did her best to lift her up with her one good arm.  Cosima responded to her attempts after a moment, standing on wobbly legs and letting Shay take most of her weight as she led her over to the edge of the bed. 

_You silly girl, why did you get up?_

Seeing into the ensuite bathroom that Cosima had tried to wash herself – and done a decent job of it – Shay shook her head almost imperceptibly.

Cosima was naked beneath the towel.  Shay walked around to the other side of the bed, opening up Cosima’s bag of clothes, not really thinking about what she picked up, and silently moved back to the shivering woman.

Cosima wordlessly let Shay dress her, but the blonde woman knew how uncomfortable it must have been for her.  She tried to do it as perfunctorily as possible, but she couldn’t ignore how close she was to the woman she was still so deeply in love with.  She had changed her last night, and she hadn’t been able to stop herself from stroking the woman’s cheek and kissing her lips, but she had felt immediately guilty for doing so.  Now, she was more standoffish, making her job of dressing Cosima slightly more difficult.

She put her socks on first, blinking in surprise at how cold Cosima’s feet were.  They were shaking slightly, and Shay rubbed them to try and encourage heat to return to them.  She helped Cosima put on her underwear next, her eyebrows twitching uncontrollably as she witnessed, once again, the body of her once-lover, the body that she would never be allowed to touch with such fervent adoration again. 

Gently, Shay guided a clean vest over Cosima’s ghostly white face.  She needed the extra layers, there was no doubt about it.  Cosima’s thin, weak arms poked through its arms, and soon Shay helped her put on a small, loose blouse with long sleeves, easier this time as it buttoned up at the front.  Shay didn’t recognise it, but it made her smile sadly at how young it made Cosima look.  She saw the bruise on Cosima’s face but didn’t mention it when she straightened the glasses that had been knocked wonky when she put the vest on.

Finally, Shay picked up the harem pants that she had brought over.  They were thankfully easy to put on, and Shay was grateful.  She wanted to preserve as much of Cosima’s dignity as she could, but that was hard to do when one needed help dressing.

The whole time, Cosima had refused to look her in the eye.

The blonde took the bloody towel and deposited it in the bathroom, along with the flannel that Cosima had used.  She picked up the underwear she had changed Cosima into last night and dropped the items next to Cosima’s bag.

Shay returned to the side of the bed and lowered herself next to Cosima.  They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither one willing to say anything… neither one willing to acknowledge the intimacy of what had just transpired.

They simply looked at the floor, both highly uncomfortable.  Shay was about to stand up and leave when Cosima turned her head to look at Shay, the pain in her eyes so startlingly clear that Shay’s heart broke.  The dreadlocked woman’s voice was scratchy and quiet, so unlike the voice that the Cosima she had known so long ago projected to the world.

“Delphine’s not here… is she?”

Shay closed her eyes and let out a small breath through her nose.  She opened her eyes again and looked at Cosima.  She shook her head once, and Cosima let out a pained cry.  She crumpled in on herself again, and Shay didn’t know whether to comfort her or run away and leave her to her grief.

In the end, Cosima decided for her.  The brunette turned back to her and hugged her, holding on tightly to her midriff, as if Shay could possibly help her through this.  Shay wasn’t qualified for it and she held her arms up in surprise at first.  She slowly got used to the voluntary contact, and lowered her arms to Cosima’s back, stroking her gently.

“I’m so sorry, Cosima… I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry…”

What she was sorry for, Shay didn’t even know herself, but she _was_ sorry, and she repeated the words over and over again until Cosima had exhausted herself with tears so much that she fell asleep in Shay’s arms, finally resting once again.

Shay guided her body back so that she was once again lying on the bed.  She pulled the duvet up to her stomach, not wanting her to overheat in her repose.

Watching the sleeping woman, as was becoming a habit of hers, Shay shook her head.

The lover in her was sure that Cosima would be able to fight this.

The doctor in her was sure that Cosima wouldn’t last until the end of the week.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

They had intended to drive straight through Erwin, the last town before they got to the DYAD Institute, but once again, Helena’s suspicion had dictated their next move.  As they drove through the large town, Helena had grown shifty and uncomfortable.

She hadn’t said anything, but Delphine had grown accustomed to the strange woman’s mannerisms.

“What is it this time, Helena?” she asked, her head looking curiously at the smaller woman who still wore her new hat, knowing that if she felt uncomfortable here, then there was most likely a reason for it, and she was probably right.

The smaller woman looked back at her from the passenger seat, her brows furrowed, and her lips curled into her mouth.  She spoke after a moment.

“There is motorbike I do not like.”

Delphine nodded in understanding, her new short, brown curls making her head feel strangely light.  She had noticed the motorbike a while ago, but Helena acknowledging it too made her own concern seem slightly more legitimate. 

“What do we do about it?  I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not have another face-off that ends in shrapnel cutting up my back.”

“You are correct, sestra.  I think this time we need to be quieter.  We are closer to the DYAD.  We cannot be noisy.”

“Shall I stop the truck?” Delphine asked, looking out for a spot to park the vehicle.

“Yes, but in a minute.  Find a shop, I think.”  Delphine nodded.  She was exhausted with this routine of jumping at shadows, but if she got the cure back, then it was worth it.  Cosima was worth it, Krystal was worth it, all of the women afflicted were worth it.  They needed to get to DYAD unnoticed, slip in quietly and then be gone before anyone knew they had even been there.  They could not afford, as Helena put it, to be _noisy_.

Delphine pulled into the car park of a small shop, the feeling of déjà vu causing alarm bells to ring in her head. 

They both got out of the truck.  Delphine locked it behind them, and they went into the shop, not really looking for anything in particular, Delphine was just following Helena’s lead.

Helena bought a small juice drink, and Delphine picked up a small breakfast bar.  They had already eaten, setting up their portable stove on the roadside this morning, and they had plenty of food in the truck, but more could hardly hurt.  They left with their purchases, Helena downing the juice immediately, Delphine opening her bar a little more daintily.

Helena led the way around the corner, and they walked unhurriedly down the street, although Delphine felt anything but calm.

The strange thing about smaller towns is that there are so many more small roads and snickets to hide in compared to the large alleyways one finds in cities, more of the small roads taken up by building developments and commercial undertakings.  The town of Erwin was full of small little roads, and Helena picked the fourth one they came across to slip into.  Delphine followed suit, and they waited, hiding behind the wall, for the person they knew would have been following them.

It didn’t take long for them to turn up; the motorcycle leathers creaking before the two women even saw them.  When the figure walked past the alleyway they had hidden in, Helena moved quickly, and had then pinned against the wall before Delphine could even register what had happened.

The flash of metal was thrust up against the figure’s throat faster than the figure – or Delphine – could even try to stop Helena.

When the figure stood stock still, recognising the feel of steel against their neck, Delphine could see that it was, in fact, a woman –a relatively short woman, with a familiar smile, with her hand coming up to Helena’s arm in a vain attempt to protect herself.

As soon as Delphine recognised her, Helena seemed to do so, too.  They looked at each other, acknowledging their mutual recognition.  Helena moved the knife away from the woman’s neck ever so slightly, but not far enough away to stop being threatening.

Helena cocked her head to the side and sniffed audibly in the small, dark street, despite it being early morning.

“Why is waitress from small café Respite following us?” she asked, squinting at the woman who stood opposite them, calmer than Delphine would have thought possible in such a situation.  She had a tiny smile playing on her lips, which did nothing to help Delphine’s confidence in this woman.  She spoke up, sounding angrier than she had really intended to.

“What’s your name and why are you here?”

The waitress looked at her and then her eyes flicked back to the blade held in Helena’s steady hand.

“My name is Mireille.  Miri, for short.  I’m a waitress, but I work for a woman named Bobby.  She’s the one who gave me the message to pass on to you.  Unfortunately, you left sharpish, so I couldn’t explain anything to you.  Bobby told me to sort that out.  She’s a busy woman, she can’t do it herself, so I followed you.”

The woman seemed far too calm, and it was disconcerting.

Delphine squinted suspiciously at her, and then took a step closer to her so that she was standing side to side with Helena.

“Then you’d better explain it, before my friend here loses patience,” she murmured quietly, nodding her head in Helena’s direction.

“Yes, you have good stew taste, but it will be more fun to stew your blood if you don’t talk,” Helena grinned.  Even Miri seemed disturbed by that.  Her eyes widened slightly, but she kept her cool… mostly.  She spoke quickly.

“It’s really not what you think!” she gasped, her hands pressed against the brick wall behind her, “I just followed because I have a _job_ to do, okay?  Listen, Bobby is a _friend_ , she is very good friends with a woman named… Shay?  I think?”  Helena growled and the knife returned to Miri’s neck, pressing tightly.  Miri tensed.

“Why does that not fill me with any confidence at all?” Delphine asked, frowning.  Sure, she and Shay had known each other for a long time, but she was a slippery woman, not to be trusted.  Delphine had first-hand experience of her betrayal when Shay had gone straight to Leekie when she had revealed to the smaller woman her plans to escape from DYAD the first time.

“Shay Davydov is not good news.  You do not help yourself… Miri,” Helena snarled, and snapped at the waitress, who jumped slightly.  Helena had a skill at making the woman’s name sound like a threat.  Delphine admired it.

“No, no, okay!  She’s travelling with another girl, a sick one!  They’re in Respite now, the sick one is the one who requested the message be sent to you, okay?”

Both Helena and Delphine froze.

Cosima was at Respite now?

“ _Merde_.”

“Shit indeed, sestra,” Helena looked at Delphine, eyes not revealing anything, but the firm set of her jaw was enough to convey her discomfort with how things had turned out, “but I still do not trust you,” she turned back to Miri.

“The sick woman has been following you for about a day now, and she’s made good time on you,” Miri said, clearly sweating now.  Delphine thought back to how long she had held them up with her injury when she had had that strange dream.  She nodded in understanding.

“Go on,” she said gruffly, wishing she could sound half as intimidating as Helena could.  A short brown bob was probably not going to help in scaring people.

“Well, Shay got in touch with her friend Bobby, who is actually, erm, kind of important in some areas of Canada.  She was the one who has been weeding out as many DYAD spies as she can – two warring powers, you know?  Anyway, she’s been trying to _help_ you along, but you left before she could tell you-”

“Before she could gloat, more likely,” Delphine scoffed, “and so she could make our debt to her clear.  Well, I’m not sure if you know, but we’ve already met some DYAD cronies, so clearly, this _Bobby_ isn’t doing a very good job, and I have the wounds to prove it.  So, _Miri_ , I suggest you go back to your boss and tell her: thank you very much, but we are doing just fine without her help.  I also suggest that you tell her she focus on keeping Cosima safe and secure.  She is _sick_.  She cannot travel great distances right now, and if you could, telling Shay Davydov how _idiotic_ she is to have helped her come this far would be greatly appreciated by myself and my friend here.  Have I made myself clear?”  She was standing unreasonably close to this woman now, and the anger that had been bubbling away under the surface was rising up now.  She knew that killing the messenger was a pointless display of anger, but sometimes if the messenger was intimidated enough, they would actually return the message to their boss.  Or, so Delphine hoped.  It was how Leekie worked, and he had maintained control for a very long time now. 

Miri looked suitably spooked, in any case, nodding, eyes wide with what looked to be fear, yet still wary of the knife Helena had pressed against her.  Delphine leant forward just a little bit more, hoping she looked angry enough.  “Do not attempt to follow us again.”

Delphine then turned to Helena, nodded at her, and they walked away, back to their truck, leaving the waitress from Respite gasping for breath against the brick wall.

There was no real way for Delphine to know if her message would be understood, but she was more focussed on the fact that Cosima had followed her and Helena all the way to Respite.  She wondered how she was faring, whether the sickness had become worse, or whether she was keeping it at bay.  It didn’t take long for patients’ health to worsen, she knew that from the countless hours of research she had done when originally intending to steal the final cure.

She missed Cosima.  She missed her so much, and at that moment, as she and Helena got back in their truck, the one thing she wanted most of all was to hold the small woman in her arms and fall asleep with her.


	40. Orberg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Apologies! It took me much longer to update this than I first thought because I didn't actually have access to a computer for two days longer than I expected.  
> Well, here we are, at chapter 40. I wrote this to the Skyrim soundtrack on repeat. It was so awesome. Most notably: Sovngarde. What an epic piece of lusciousness for my ears. ;)
> 
> The name of the town we're about to enter is Orberg. I've been original and used other languages again! :p In essence, it makes "Bear Mountain". Big up to those of you who get the link from some chapters back (Chapter 27, in case you were wondering...) because hehe you're fab and I love you.
> 
> On a small side note: This fic is completely unbeta'd, so I've been going through this story from the beginning and correcting small things. Whilst I cringe at some of the things I've written in this fic, I will not actually be _changing_ anything other than typos, syntax, and grammar errors, just correcting it all because I want to keep this story as it was intended to be: a way of recording the development of my writing and finding my voice, hopefully getting better with eAch chapter. Holy crap, I am so grateful to OTW and AO3, to you for reading this and commenting and giving it kudos, and just being an absolute inspiration to me. Genuinely, your words of support and all round awesomeness have pushed me to actually make something of this fic, and I love you so so much. This chapter is for _you_.
> 
> With love beyond words,  
> Hermes

Ten miles away from Orberg, they stopped, enjoying a hurried yet surprisingly tasty set of sandwiches put together by Delphine with tinned tuna and some dried herbs.  Helena’s respect for the Frenchwoman grew exponentially after these sandwiches; firstly, a woman who used tinned fish was a woman after Helena’s own heart, and secondly, anyone who could make food as well as she could on the move immediately gained points with the Ukrainian. 

Luckily for Delphine, she had already managed to earn Helena’s love, so the smaller woman’s respect was an added honour that Delphine wasn’t entirely sure she deserved.

They packed up the remainder of their lunch (one sandwich was left, that Delphine promised Helena could have when they reached Orberg), and once Delphine had washed the bowls with water from one of their small tanks that they kept in the bed of their trunk, they sat back down, both nervous of getting back on the road.

They had driven off the road down another small dirt track to have their lunch, but they were a few layers of trees into the forest, hidden from the view of those driving by, and they revelled in the opportunity to relax for a while.  Helena particularly enjoyed it, as she was a strong fan of their fold-up chairs that they rarely got to use.  The netted cup holder was already full of little bits and pieces that she had picked up off the forest floor.  At that moment, she was fiddling with a large, thick twig that she was trying to split in half with a thin, sharp rock.  Realising that she needed string, she fished through her little net of stones and twigs looking for it, but she remembered that she had only picked up some twine yesterday, _not_ today, and Delphine hadn’t let her bring it into the truck with them (“Helena, can you not _see_ the _caca_ that covers that thing?  _Non_ , leave it here.  Okay, leave it on the stump.  Yes, a heart shape is a lovely idea.  Now hurry up, we have to _go_.”) so _of course_ it wasn’t going to be in her small collection that had been built in the last ten minutes. 

Sighing, she looked around her feet now, wishing that there would be some more fortuitous twine left behind by a careless camper.  No such luck.  She pressed her lips together, trying to think of an alternative.

“Sestra…” Helena started, turning in her small fold-up seat to Delphine.  The Frenchwoman was staring off into space, pulling her coat tighter around her in the crisp chill of the afternoon, and didn’t register Helena’s call.  “Sestra Del-fin?” Helena tried again, this time reaching out a hand for Delphine’s knee.  She jumped in her seat and her head snapped over to the smaller woman.

“ _Merde, desolée_ , Helena, I was… somewhere else…”  Helena nodded her head slowly.

“I am sorry.  I did not mean to… startle… you,” she said slowly, testing her words as if she had got the meaning wrong.  Delphine didn’t notice her hesitation.  She was too distracted, but Helena didn’t know what by.

“That is okay, Helena, I was not paying attention, _I_ am sorry.  What is it that you wanted?”

“I think it is time to go.”  Delphine took longer than usual for the words to make any sense in her head.  After a moment, she nodded her understanding.

“I think- I think I just need to stretch my legs before I get back in the car,” Delphine mumbled, nodding and blinking profusely, seemingly unsure of why she was struggling with paying attention.  “I- I need to clear my head.  I will… take a walk.”

Helena grunted her understanding.

“I will fold up chairs… and put them away.”

Delphine nodded distractedly, walking away and further into the heart of the forest.  It had snowed that morning, and the icy ground crackled under her tough, thick boots.  Twigs snapped and leaves crunched, het feet leaving tracks in the snow behind her.  She pushed aside branches that had traces of snow on the almost plastic-like pinophyta leaves, watching it fall to the ground as the branches snapped back.  She kept walking forward aimlessly, no purpose or direction in her wandering.

Delphine needed to make sense of what was going on in her head; she couldn’t _concentrate_ , and everything that was running through her head was so _unimportant_ ; how her shoes were beginning to pinch her feet, how her clothes – whilst practical – felt strange and uncomfortable on her skin, how the shrapnel had cut through her only other shirt, how she had worn this one for far too long and how it was dirty, sweaty and unhygienic.

It was as if her mind was forcing herself to think of these irrelevant things, because otherwise it would turn to topics that would only serve to cause her far more stress.  _Cosima followed me to Respite.  Should I be worried about that?  Should I be worried for her?  We don’t have her cure yet, she can hardly be_ better _, there is only one way to go with an incurable disease and that is get steadily worse.  But_ is _she better?  Shay is not a fool, she would not let Cosima walk to her death, surely?  Shay loves her… Cosima loves Shay.  Oh, God, please do not say that Shay has crawled her way back into- No, Cosima wouldn’t-_ would she? _What is our relationship?  Did we ever try to define what we were to each other?  Maybe she has realised that she is happier with Shay, maybe-_

Delphine tripped up on a surface tree root.  In her worrisome stupor, she had sped up with reckless abandon, and she had not been prepared for the stumble.  She pushed her arms out ahead of her to catch her fall, but instead of softening the blow, she grazed her palms on the ice on the ground from taking the weight of her body, and her knee caught a second tree root.

She swore to herself quietly, sitting back and leaning against a tree trunk to survey the damage.  Her hands were grazed, covered in dirt and bleeding quite badly.  She could see she had left a trail of blood in the ice, but she didn’t know what she could do about that.  Her knee, however, wasn’t quite as bad.  It was grazed and had already formed the beginnings of a bruise, but she had seen worse- heck, she _had_ worse on her back at that very moment.

Her trousers had been ripped by the tree root, and the cold air was stabbing her leg like a thousand tiny knives gleefully taking advantage of the vulnerable skin.

She groaned, and then forced herself to try and stand up, her hands turning blue from their exposure to the air in this forest.  She found herself in between two conifer trees, surrounded by a sort of shrubbery that hid her from view as she knelt on her undamaged knee, attempting to get up fully.

Hearing the snap of a twig from somewhere close by, she froze.  The one tear she had let free on her cheem as an initial reaction to the sting of her hands was growing cold, hurting her face.  She suddenly had every part of her body under impeccable control, kneeling absolutely still and listening for the sound again.

Was it Helena?  Delphine considered it, but there was no reason for Helena to have remained silent.  If it _wasn’t_ Helena, she couldn’t risk calling out for her and revealing her presence – if whoever it was didn’t already know she was there – so she opted to remain completely silent.

The crunch of ice, the snap of twigs and the rustle of leaves that seemed far louder than it had when Delphine had walked through here was moving to her right, and as quickly and as silently as she could, she adjusted herself into a crouching position, the ice having been too uncomfortable and cold for her knee to remain there.  She bit her lip at the pain of the fabric brushing against her grazed knee – which was now staining small amounts blood into her jeans – but she did a good job of keeping her discomfort silent.

She determined that the sound of movement was now to her 3 o’clock, so she adjusted her body to face it, shuffling on the thin layer of icy snow.  She could only see the bark of the tree in front of her, but she ever so slowly raised herself up, until her eyes were level with the top of the shrubbery that hid her from view.  Pulling back her curly, fluffy hair behind her head with one hand, she leant slowly to the side so that she used just one eye to peek past the tree, hoping that she wouldn’t be revealing too much of herself to whoever was on the other side of her small protective barrier of greenery.  She did have _very_ big eyes, they would likely act as beacons in a place like this.  At least the colouring of her eyes would help her; their mixture of brown and green wouldn't be obvious if she squinted slightly to hide the whites of her eyes.

She needn’t have worried about revealing herself to anyone, though.

It wasn’t a person at all.

She was grateful that she had worn her coat today, because the chills that sent her body into shivering spasms would have been much worse without it.

It was an animal, larger than Delphine had ever seen before, for such a kind.

Its large head was sniffing on the ground, its incredibly large tusks that protruded from the gruesomely large jaw disturbing the ground she had walked on just moments before.  Delphine winced, wondering whether it was her it could smell.  The fur was bristly and part of it seemed to be matted in something sticky and brown, but Delphine would rather not know what that substance was. The hair that ran along the ridge of its back was pure black, and made it seem even bigger than it already was.

As terrified of the sight before her as she was, Delphine couldn’t help but call to mind the comic books she had read at a very young age, _‘Astérix et Obélix’_ , in which wild boars had come up in nearly every story.

Delphine watched as the boar stumped forward, and scratched itself against a tree; shoving its immense body against the trunk and making it shake with the impact.

The Frenchwoman was glad she had been relatively quiet up until that point, because if comics could teach her anything about wild boar, the only thing that would have intimidated the best before her was a Falstaffian Gaul or a Hermetical midget.

Delphine was neither of these things.

She had no knowledge of wild boar, she had no idea how strong a sense of smell or hearing they had, and she was panicking.  Her hands were bleeding quite badly; would the boar be able to smell it like blood in the sea to a shark?  Could the boar sense fear from her?  She stood as still as she could behind the tree, willing the beast to go away before she had to find out the hard way.

She was terrified, and the fear in her required her to breathe in as much air as was humanly possible, to keep her calm, but the logic in her told her that the condensation and the sound of her breathing would attract the attention of the boar, which would be a foolish thing to encourage.  She _had_ to breathe in as slowly and quietly as she could.  Even so, her breath felt so  loud and unwelcome to her ears.  It was as if she were a dog in a library, a klaxon in an exam hall or… a bumbling human in a forest.

She did not belong here, and the boar could _sense_ it, she knew it.

The boar stopped scratching its tusks against the tree and turned so that it was facing in her direction.  Delphine couldn’t help but let out a tiny squeak of fear.

She didn’t know what to do.  Could it see her?  Was it just suspicious of something in her general direction?  She reasoned that if she moved, she became an immediate target because seen or not seen at the moment, she would make her presence known as soon as she moved.  She stood her ground, her one eye poking out behind the tree trunk, not giving any and not invading the space of the boar.

She cast her mind back to when she had first got Brie, her dog.  Delphine’s mother had tried to explain to her that he would be scared, coming to live in an entirely new home that he didn’t know, and possibly intimidated by an excitable girl of Delphine’s age.  Her mother told her that when dogs interact, a slow and deliberate blink at the leader of their pack is an indication of submission or intended to pacify.  Her mother suggested that Delphine blink at Brie when he arrived, being sure to communicate that there was no threat to him, not maintaining too much eye contact at first.  She was sure that blinking at him is what had brought him so close to her when they had met on his first day in their home.  Her heart ached at the thought of that little dog.

Delphine had no idea whether that would appease a wild boar, or whether blinking would mean something entirely different to it.  Would it show a weakness on her part?  Would the boar take advantage of that and try to kill her just because it could?  Delphine was keen to avoid a situation that ended with her mauled in the middle of a forest.  Boars were truculent, it would attack her just for the sake of it, she was sure.

Now pretty sure that the boar was staring straight into her one eye, Delphine tried to remain stock still as she looked at its tusks and not directly at its eye, her legs quaking anyway.  Deciding that she was probably a goner anyway, Delphine slowly closed her eyes, opened them and then closed them again.  She flinched when she heard the massive monster huff loudly, its hot breath floating around its face in small puffs.  Fearing the coming onslaught, she tensed up even more than she already had, and pushed herself close up against the tree, tears escaping from her eyes. 

Before the boar moved, however, a loud cry rang out far away, a voice which Delphine _knew_ to be Helena’s.  The boar’s ears twitched, picking up the sound.

To Delphine’s intense relief, it seemed to decide that whatever it had heard was likely far more interesting than Delphine herself, and after one last glance at the side of her face that was revealed to the boar, it huffed out through its snout again, and charged off in the direction of Helena’s voice, making the ground shake with its weight.

When Delphine was finally sure that the boar had been gone long enough for her to move again, she turned around, leant her back against the tree and sank down to the floor, her fingers pressing against her eyes.

She sobbed, the adrenaline that had rushed through her body leaving her weak and drained.  The leaves of the trees scratched and tickled and scraped against her head and neck, but the feeling was a welcome relief, to know that she was absolutely alive and able to feel such things.

Not long after, Helena arrived.  Thankfully, there was no boar following her.

“Sestra, you are not gutted like fish!  This is good.  Time to go, yes?” she asked kindly, smiling encouragingly at the brunette who sat shivering on the floor.  “Hmm, you have scraped skin.  This is not to worry; I will clean wounds, yes?”  Helena spoke as she lifted her up, the strength in Delphine’s limbs slowly coming back to her as she moved.  “Tell me sestra, how does your back feel today?” and Delphine found that she didn’t need to speak a single word; Helena filled the silence with comforting chatter about medicine and sandwiches on the way back to the truck, and at moments left them both in a comfortable silence that they had developed together.

Back at the truck, Helena cleaned the cuts and applied a salve to them that she had been applying to Delphine’s back, too, to help the healing process.

For some reason, despite having no hand in the role of getting rid of the boar, she still felt entirely proud of herself for surviving.  Her mind had cleared.  She was no longer focussing on trivial or worrisome things.

She had one goal in mind, and she was now sure that she could do it, after facing a wild boar and living to tell the tale.

_Get the cure._

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Closing the door behind her, Shay looked at Art gravely.

“How is she doing?” he asked her, scratching the stubble on his face that had grey peppered in with the black hair.

Shay spent a moment considering her answer.

“Not good.  Not good at all.  She can’t move, and the oxygen tank has run out completely, now.  If she does anything more strenuous than sleep, she’s in danger of seriously harming herself.”

Art nodded, his brows drawn together in consternation.  He pushed his jacket back and slipped a hand into his pocket.  He looked at the floor, but his eyes flicked back up to Shay.

“We can’t go, then.  We’ll have to stay here, get a message to Cormier somehow, letting her know where Cosima is so she can return with some sort of cure for her.  Any ideas how we go about that?”

Shay moved further into Art’s hotel room and sat on the chair that was placed in front of a small table.  She held her hands pressed in between her knees, her feet pushing them closer together.  She pressure felt good on her hands, it was something else to think about, other than her doubt about Cosima’s survival.

“I think that there’s only one way we can go about this.”

Art raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to speak.  “Neither of us can do anything for Cosima anymore.  All we’re doing in the near future is watching her die slowly, painfully.  The longer Delphine takes, the higher the chances are that Cosima dies before she returns.  I hate to admit it, but… Cosima doesn’t have long at all, and I’m talking days here, at the most,” she stammered, a lump forming in her throat that she wasn’t willing to succumb to.  Art swore under his breath.

“God damn it, she doesn’t deserve this.  What plan did you have in mind, Shay?” he asked, the hint of panic in his voice making Shay try to speak more softly.

“Well, I’m a doctor.  I suppose I’m the one who should stay here and look after her, but we do need someone to go to the DYAD Institute and help Delphine and Helena in any way that we can – if that is acting as a speedy transport for the cure, then so be it, that’s what we have to do – but we can’t be fast if we’re taking Cosima with us, that’s not practical or safe.  I suggest that you go after Delphine and Cosima’s sister, and do what they need you to, just to help.  Doing whatever needs to be done is kind of the only thing we can do, right now, we have no other resources available.  You’re the only person who can – and you’re a policeman, I’m sure Delphine will be willing to put some faith in you.”

Art laughed shortly, humourlessly. 

“I don’t know what Delphine told you whilst you spent time reconnecting in that cell of an apartment you were living in together, but I spent years of my life trying to put that girl behind bars.  We have reached an understanding of sorts, but we’re not close enough for her to trust me at all.  If Delphine is going to trust anyone right now, it’s you.  You should go – like you said, neither of us can do anything for Cosima other than speed up the process of returning the cure for her, so it would hardly make a difference if she had a doctor to hand or not.”

Shay’s mouth opened and closed.  She seemed to be unsure of what to say.

“I- I don’t think it’s possible for Delphine to trust me ever again, Art.  Back when we worked together at DYAD, I never treated her that well- I was too set on my own advancement within the institute at the time… I hurt her, Art,” Shay sighed, putting her face in her hands.

Art scratched his head again.

“Yeah, I know what you did-” Shay’s head popped up from her hands, but she didn’t say anything, merely waiting for Art to explain, “I had a long chat with Cormier in the basement of Mrs S’ house a while ago.  She told me about everything that went down with Aldous Leekie before she ended up working at the DYAD- it’s not my place to reveal that, if she didn’t tell you herself, but she did also tell me about pretty much everything that led up to her working at Topside with Cosima.  Admittedly, what you did wasn’t the prettiest shit I’ve ever heard, but really, it’s hardly anything compared to anything Delphine has had to do.  Heck, I’ve done worse shit myself, Shay!  She doesn’t blame you for it, not really.  Not when Aldous Leekie comes into the picture.”  He smirked at her.  “In my honest opinion, I think she kinda likes you.  You were the best friend she had at that time, and she was just a _little_ bit pissed off to learn you were Cosima’s ex.”  Art was smirking with humour now, laughing at something only he knew.  “She’ll trust you.  You’re smart, and so is she.  She’ll know when a truce needs to be made, trust me.”

Shay sat in her chair, gobsmacked.

“But… what about my arm?  I’m hardly healthy.  I can move it, but I’m stuck to using one arm the majority of the time.  Are you willing to trust me with this job when I’m pretty much one-handed?”

“I’m not a fool, Shay, I know about your military background, too.  You’re better suited to get the cure than I ever will be.  Like it or not, Shay, this one’s for you.”

Shay nodded slowly.

“Right.  Okay.  I suppose, there’s nothing to wait for, now,” she stood up from the chair and looked Art in the eye.  “Make sure she eats the excellently nutritious breakfast this place has to offer her, Art.  She won’t want to eat anything, but she’ll have to force it down if she wants to live to see Delphine and her sister return, okay?”

Art nodded seriously.

“I got you.  Here, take these,” he reached into his pocket and took out his car keys.  Shay eyed them sceptically.

“Hmm.  I hate to break it to you, Detective, but that’s not gonna cut it.  If you wouldn’t mind ignoring your duty as a law-keeper for about an hour, I have another idea in mind.”

Art sighed.

“There is literally no point in me being a cop anymore, honestly.  I should just quit, the amount of shit I let everyone I know get away with,” he said it as if he was tired, but the glint of humour in his eye told Shay she was fine.  “Good luck, Davydov,” he held out a hand for hers.

“Likewise, Bell,” she smiled, shaking it.  They nodded at each other, and in ten minutes, Shay had a backpack ready, and she was gone.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“Is this my bag?”

“ _Oui_ , and I brought a few of the things in from the back of the truck that you wanted.  They’re the ones in that bag over there.”

Helena grinned at Delphine and pulled the bag up onto the small table they had in the room.  She opened it up and pulled out the pieces she needed.  She constructed the telescope in a matter of seconds, impressing Delphine with her speed.  She may have been showing off, but Delphine still thought that it was very cute, despite how creepy everything they were doing right now was.

Delphine lined up the bags that they would need in the morning.

“Helena,” she called to the smaller woman, who was adjusting the angle of the telescope, “this bag is full of the clothes and this one is for after the event; it has the secure packaging for the genetic material.  How did you even get hold of it?”

Helena didn’t look back, and merely spoke as she looked through the lens.

“When your sister is top scientist, it is easy to sneak objects out of labs.  I am good at sneaking, good at stealing.  Together, I make sneak thief.  Very good one.”

Delphine accepted her answer and didn’t pry anymore about the questionable procurement of the materials she had.

“How is the telescope?” she asked, turning to face Helena, who was nodding to herself.

“Would you like to see?” she asked, raising her eyebrows and pulling her mouth into a cheeky grin.

Delphine shrugged and accepted.  She moved from one end of the pretty large room to the other, covering the space in seven steps.  Helena moved out of the way for her, letting Delphine look into the telescope that pointed out of the window.  She pressed her eye to the ring and looked down the lens.  She gasped in surprise at what she saw.

“ _Mon Dieu,_ that is… _merde_ , I almost didn’t believe it,” she mumbled.  She was staring at the grey, balding head of Aldous Leekie.  “Are you getting that same feeling as me?  The feeling that you’d love to put a bullet in the back of that head?” Delphine asked, still staring intently at the man who was sitting at the desk in his office, writing something down in what appeared to be a small ledger.

Helena guffawed, and she moved back to the bag that was on the table, pulling out the sandwich that she had been promised.  Through a mouthful of tinned fish, she replied.

“Yes, this feeling is what I am getting.  But I feel it a lot, so it is not that different,” she mused.  “But this man has hurt many people.  Putting bullet in his head would feel better than usual.”

Maybe another time, a time long before this, Delphine would have recoiled in horror at Helena’s words, but whilst the words were slightly disturbing, she found that she wasn’t really surprised.  She herself had done plenty of terrible things, if not of the same ilk.

“Do you feel ready?” Delphine asked, not sure of what her own answer would be.

“I am always ready, Del-fin.  I am finding the question is… are you being ready?”

Delphine stared hard down the telescope.  Leekie was completely oblivious to her watching him, and that felt… good.  She was prepared, and he was not.  He knew they were coming, but he didn’t know _when_.  Yes, she was ready.  She nodded to herself as she moved back from the telescope.

“Yes, Helena, I think I am.”

Helena grinned.

“This is good for you!  I am thinking you are a very strong woman.  I like you, Del-fin.”

“ _Merci,_ Helena.  _Je t'aime bien aussi_.  You have been a delight to travel with.”  She turned to face Helena head on, like a panther to a tiger.  “If I… somehow… do not succeed tomorrow evening, please, make sure to let Cosima know that I love her.”

“You talk nothings, Del-fin.  But yes, if you die, I will tell her you loved her.”

“Thank you.”  Considering for a moment, Delphine decided it didn’t matter anyway.  She stepped forward and gave the smaller woman a tight hug, wishing her love for this woman would be communicated.

Helena seemed a little shocked at the move, but not altogether unhappy.

“I am thanking you too, sestra.  I am glad you helped me on this journey.  Now, we must wait.”

Delphine nodded, and got the two fold-up chairs from the wall where she had left them, and gave one to Helena.  They both unfolded them, and they sat down for the evening, watching the mountain that was the DYAD Institute from a small building to the south, in the city known as Orberg.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

It hadn’t been too hard.  She’d passed it on the way into Respite, and had come up with a number of different ways to get what she wanted in the short walk from the hotel to the large car dealership. 

She spotted what she wanted mere moments after arriving there.  It was evening time now, and the workers inside would be getting drowsy and restless, especially seeing as it was a Thursday.

_For some reason, Thursdays are always harder to get through than Fridays._

Shay had stolen the motorbike with ease.  The leathers and helmet had been even easier.

She had drooled at the sight of it: a sleek, sexy, pure black Kawasaki Versys 1000.  It was exactly what she needed: speedy, excellent in slippery conditions, and – just in case she might need it – bomb-proof.

She was out of the dealership and out of Respite before anyone noticed the absence of one of their best bikes.

Grinning at the speed with which she could drive the damned thing, Shay felt like saving Cosima might actually be possible.  She would make it to Orberg with plenty of time to spare – possibly even time for a drink when she got there. 

She sped down the highway, revelling in her newfound freedom.

Of course, not half an hour into driving, she was being tailed.  Interestingly enough, she was being tailed by another motorbike.

Sighing to herself in her helmet, she considered her next move.  She could stop and let the tail pass, or she could try to lose it.

Deciding on the safest option, she slowed down and got off the road when she could, stopping in a cloud of road grit.

To her surprise, the motorbike followed her, slowing down, too.

_What the fuck?  What kind of tail makes their presence so obvious?_

Shay jumped off the bike and pulled her bag out of the small compartment at the back.  She grabbed her gun out of it, turned it off safety and held it up to the fast approaching bike.  Only then did she realise how foolish she had been; she was isolated here, there would be no one passing to help her.

She followed the biker as they braked the bike in another cloud of dirt.  The person climbed off their bike, and Shay’s hands began to shake as they walked through the cloud they had disturbed with their bike, taking their helmet off and… shaking out their hair…

“Hey, sexy,” came a familiar voice.

Shay felt ten tonnes of weight fall off her shoulders.

“You fucking _twat_ , Bobby!” she shouted at the approaching figure, now visible.  She turned the safety on and placed the gun down on the seat of her bike, putting her hands to her head.

“Wow, what a wonderfully polite address to your dearest, oldest friend,” she smiled, standing in front of Shay, almost trapping her between herself and the bike behind her.

“You scared the fucking shit out of me!” she yelled, “I thought I was gonna die here in a ridiculous Western-style fast draw!  Jesus _Christ_ , couldn’t you have _told_ me you would follow me?”

“Where would have been the fun in that?” the bespectacled lady asked, grinning.

“You are horrible and I hate you.”

“I sincerely hope you don’t mean that, because I have something pretty awesome to show you…” 

Shay sighed and looked at Bobby, shaking her head in exasperation.

“No, I don’t mean it, you are my best friend.  But I swear to _God_ I think you need to have a mental test carried out.  It would put my mind at rest, at least.”

“Maybe I’ll do that.  Nevertheless, get back on your bike; we have a lot of distance to travel and not much time to do so.  And, at the other end, I’ve got something _awesome_ to show you, if you didn’t hear me the first time.”

“What is it?” Shay asked suspiciously, eyeing the woman who had once considered a tube of ‘Boudreaux's Butt Paste’ something _“awesome”_ , and she didn’t want to face such intense disappointment again.  Bobby simply grinned at her excitedly.

“Shay, I want you to come and meet my Amazons.”


	41. Nature Under Constraint and Vexed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> I want to shout out from the rooftops and dance a jig because I suddenly have a beta! The legendary SaveDelphine has jumped right into the thick of it and beta'd this chapter for me. Gramercy, my friend. 
> 
> I hope y'all like it! :D
> 
> Love,  
> Hermes

**Orberg Hotel, 4:30 pm**

Dyad, essentially, means a thing of two parts.

Once, Delphine had tried to split up her life into such a thing, a life of two parts, giving her the ability to differentiate things that she associated with ‘Life in France’ and ‘Life in Canada’.

Soon enough, that lost significance.

It became ‘Before Leekie’ and ‘With Leekie’.

Then, of course, came ‘With Danielle’ and ‘After Danielle’.  The death of her best friend trumped every other significant part of her life, and she grew to compare everything else to it.  Understandably, it was the only thing she could focus on for years, and nothing came close to having the same amount of meaning to Delphine.

When she met Cosima, however, she learnt many lessons, one of them being that life can, and will usually be, more than just two things.

 _Life is… a tapestry_ , she thought.

 _If every element of a person’s life is one thread, then they all interact, all_ interweave _and make one small section of a tapestry; one person.  But humans are social animals, and we cannot survive without some element of contact, and so we are inherently linked to other people… creating a complex weave in this tapestry of life, making different patterns and colours that become part of one master tapestry, one that links us all together just by simply_ existing _in the same place, two people who have never met having a link, a thread to one another that they can follow.  We are all joined, and there is no part of our life that can ever be… just two parts._

Delphine had believed, at first, that because Cosima was a stranger and had nothing to do with her, that she could carry out Leekie’s orders, and continue with her life in the ‘After Danielle’ stage.

That had not been the case.

Their threads had been woven in such a manner that made it impossible for either one of them to untangle themselves from each other.  But at the same time, their entanglement had created a piece of tapestry so beautiful that neither one of them could begrudge it.

The problem was, the man who currently had his back to the window of his office as he sat in his chair threatened everything she had with Cosima.  He knew Delphine was working against him now; it was impossible for him not to – she and Helena had murdered two of his men by blowing up their car on the bank of a small river.  Delphine was waiting with bated breath for the posters and advertisements that would proclaim her the murderer of Danielle Fournier.  That was what she dreaded, but Leekie had made it perfectly clear that he wouldn’t hesitate to do it.

As it was, Delphine had not had much exposure to the world in the past three days, and so for all she knew, he may already have shared his inaccurate testimony with the world, and she was being searched for at this very moment.

Leekie threatened Delphine’s relationship with Cosima, he threatened her personal happiness (which, arguably, he had already damaged beyond repair), and he threatened her freedom.

Delphine was sure in her mind that she would do everything in her power to remove him from the position that allowed him to threaten those important parts of her life.  She would take the cure back from him, the prototype that Eric had stolen, and she _would_ do it, she _would_ take _everything_ back.  If Leekie tried to stop her from achieving her own happiness _again_ , then she would remove him completely.

“Del-fin, you are still not eating.”

Delphine leant back from the telescope, running a hand through her shorter hair, and grimaced at Helena.

“ _Non_ , I am sorry.  Thank you for getting lunch for us, but I just don’t feel hungry at the moment.  I have no appetite right now.”

Helena looked at her as if she had grown donkey’s ears. And her eyes flicked back to the lunch.

“Are you sure you would not like eating something?  You did not eat much for breakfast, and we do not have long until the party begins.  You will need your brain to work.  Your brain needs food.  And water,” she grinned, holding an unopened bottle for Delphine.

The Frenchwoman sighed, and took the bottle, not ungratefully, popping the cap off and taking a few gulps.

She had been watching Leekie’s office since she woke that morning, and she hadn’t stopped, getting so wrapped up in the task and her thoughts that everything else seemed insignificant.  Helena had brought back lunch hours ago, but Delphine hadn’t been interested, even when the bread rolls had still been warm.

Helena, not truly comprehending how a person could _lack_ an _appetite_ , simply pushed Delphine’s share of the lunch closer toward her, as if proximity to the food would make her want it any more.

Delphine glanced at her watch, a small scratch adorning the face due to her adventures.

“How long do you have until you need to go?” she asked, choosing one of the bread rolls and picking at it uninterestedly.

“I think five minutes.  Maybe less,” Helena answered, pointing a finger to the telescope and then herself, indicating her wish to look through it.  Delphine stood up from the chair, allowing Helena to take her place.

“Do you think Leekie knows what you look like by now?” she mused, taking a tentative bite out of the roll, her stomach churning slightly at the thought of actually eating something.

“I do not think so,” the Ukrainian croaked, still focussed on Leekie’s office through the telescope, “I do not like people doing the photographs.  Not many exist of me,” she mumbled.  “I would not allow someone to know what I look like unless I wanted them to.”  With that, she abruptly stood up.

Turning around and away from the telescope, she brushed down the clothes that she had bought in Respite for this purpose.  Smart black trousers, white blouse, black jumper and neat black shoes.  She straightened her back, looking comically pompous, a serious look on her face as she met Delphine’s eyes.  It took everything the Frenchwoman had not to laugh at the sight.  “Do I look like I am waitress of party?” she commanded, putting fists on hips.

Delphine smiled, placing her bread roll back in its box.

“ _Oui_ , you look wonderful.  There is just one thing, though…” she grinned, and gently took the hat off Helena’s head, her unruly hair bouncing out and fluffing up.  “I do not think many waitresses wear hats when serving hors d’oeuvres to respectable company,” she cooed, placing the hat on the vacated chair.

Helena laughed her usual throaty laugh and then nodded to herself.

“Do you know the plan, Del-fin?  Do you know what you have to do?”

“Yes, Helena.  We have been through it plenty of times on the way here, and you quizzed me on it last night.  I am confident that it will work out,” Delphine opined, biting her lip.  She noticed she was doing it and quickly swapped to nodding her head.

Helena stepped towards the door, talking to Delphine at the same time.

“Then I will see you at seven thirty.”  Delphine nodded in response, but when Helena got to the door, Delphine quickly hurried forward and took a hold of her arm.

“Just a moment, Helena,” she burst out, causing Helena to turn to face her again.  Delphine enveloped the smaller woman in a tight hug.  “Thank you, Helena.  I could not have come this far without you – I _would not_ have done so.  Thank you for doing this for Cosima, thank you for helping me, thank you for coming all this way with me.  Just… thank you.”

Helena was silent, just letting Delphine hold onto her, but she returned the hug after a moment or so.  “Look after yourself over there, Helena, _oui?_ ”

“Yes, sestra.  You take the care of yourself, too.  We will both be okay.”

They parted, and then nodded at each other, and then Helena was gone, the door shut behind her.

Delphine turned around slowly, looking at the room that seemed suddenly so empty without Helena in it.

She sighed to herself, and then resolved to get ready.  Heading to the bag she had prepared with all of the things she needed in it, she suddenly spun back, and picked up the bread roll again, finishing it in a matter of seconds.

Once finished, she then set to work, fiddling with the buttons on her checked shirt to remove it, wincing at the stiffness and slight pain in her back.  Holding it by the collar of the shirt to chuck it on her small makeshift bed, she suddenly stopped when her fingers caught something that didn’t feel right.

She pulled the shirt up and felt for the object again, her fingers running along the bottom of the collar, pulling it up so that she could see.

It was a small, round and black piece of plastic, no bigger than one of the freckles on her back, a tiny amount of glue attaching it to the fabric of the shirt.

“ _Merde…_ ” she whispered to the room.

She ripped the small device from her shirt, she placed it on the floor, and as calmly as she could, smashed it with her foot multiple times, not stopping until the tiny object was almost destroyed completely, the plastic in pieces and the tiny wires inside frayed and useless.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

**Erwin, 5:00 pm**

Bobby’s phone beeped.

Shay looked over at her curiously, as they walked side by side from the carpark of the diner into the small building.  The bespectacled woman reached into her back pocket, pulling her phone out, checking the reason for the alert.

“Oh, that’s interesting…” she chortled.

“What’s that?” Shay asked, somewhat enviously, her neck craning to catch a glimpse of the screen.

“It seems that the girl we’re chasing has _finally_ cottoned on to our tracker!” she grinned at Shay.  “I had thought she would be quicker than that, but nobody’s perfect, right?  Not to worry, though, she’s been in the same place for almost a day now.  I think we can assume she’ll be there for a little bit longer, don’t you think?” she looked at the woman beside her, an eyebrow raised in question.  Shay blinked at her as they walked into the diner, the bell above the door ringing out their entrance to the strangely empty room.

“You’ve been tracking her?” she asked, unable to stop herself from slowing down until she stopped, standing by a booth.  Bobby trudged back towards her when she saw that Shay had stopped, pulling her hand, and leading her to a booth further into the diner.

She guided Shay to sit down, but she was frowning now.  “How did you do that?  When did you do it?  _Why_ did you do it?  Didn’t you tell her that you were a friend?  Why did they just tell you where they were going?  Did something happen?” she bugged, getting more agitated with each question, her eyes hazing over as she worried.  Bobby took a hold of her hand, stroking it with her thumb, and hushed her soothingly until she was quiet.

“Shay, honey, unfortunately, the two of them showed some pretty expressive and open hostility towards a woman I like very much, and I wasn’t willing to risk her life by having her follow them as far as she did.  I was listening in, they were… quite astonishingly unkind, if y’ask me, but hey ho, anyway, what’s a girl to do?  I told Mireille to bug them, wait for us and leave it at that.”

Shay looked at her, confused.

“But, _why?_   What about the message you got to them?”

Bobby shrugged, her hand still holding onto Shay’s.

“They left before anyone could explain it further.  But that’s okay, they may not _want_ our help, but they’re getting it anyway.  If they’re intent on getting into DYAD, as my tracker seems to indicate, then they’re also going to _need_ it.  And, you also seem desperate to help them, riding away on a stolen motorbike.  Can I ask why?”

Shay grimaced.

“I hate… I hate feeling useless.  I know all sorts of ways to heal sick people, but faced with this incurable disease, I can’t do anything.  I figured that at least going to help Delphine would be more than just waiting around watch Cos die, you know?”

Bobby’s left eyebrow rose up slightly.

“You didn’t seem so concerned about her health when you slipped her sleeping pills and let her smack her head on my floor,” she deadpanned.  Shay winced.

“In my defence,” she retorted, lifting her free hand and splaying it out, palm towards Bobby, “I didn’t expect the stuff to work as quickly as it did.  I didn’t account for how weak she already was, _and_ my shoulder still hasn’t healed properly – there’s no way I could have caught her.”

Bobby smirked.

“I would _totally_ trust you as my doctor,” she teased, turning Shay red.

A door opening from the kitchen into the diner revealed a tall woman, her hair a deep and slightly startling ginger and face a smooth oval.  She was smiling, and dressed entirely in leather, much like the women seated in the booth.

“Yo, Bobby!” she greeted loudly, heading towards the seated women with a massive grin on her face.

Bobby rose before she arrived, heading towards her and hugging when they met halfway.  Shay felt a tiny tug when she watched them hug for slightly longer than she felt appropriate, but watched them anyway.

Bobby turned back to the seated woman.

“Shay, I’d like you to meet Renn, my second in command.”

Renn stretched out a hand to her, and Shay rose, taking it unsurely.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.  Bobby never shuts up about you.  If I’m correct, I have you to thank for my job even existing,” she smiled, a friendly and good-humoured light in her eyes.  She had an accent, a hint of Spanish colouring her words.  Shay smiled at her nervously but managed to form some words in response.

“Nice to meet you too, Renn, but I do think that might be a bit of an overstatement,” she disagreed kindly, a small smile playing on her lips.

It was Bobby’s turn to frown, but she was far more vocal about her dissatisfaction.

“Alright you two,” she clicked her fingers, “we have a job to do!  Renn, if you’re here now, I’m guessing that means that you’ve brought the cavalry?” she questioned, the ginger turning to face her again.

“That’s right!  They’re waiting for you through the tunnel.”

“Then we will follow _la jefa_ ,” Bobby held an arm out for Renn to take the lead.

“Shut up, you asshole,” was the only response she got.

Renn led Shay and Bobby through the open kitchen door, which was also uninhabited.  There was a metal door to the side that could have been a freezer but actually opened up into a dark tunnel with steps leading down.  Renn flicked on a light switch and trotted down the stairs.

They walked through the tunnel for almost three minutes when Renn took a sharp right turn, which held more steps that they then climbed up.  Renn shoved the door at the top open, letting bright sunlight stream into the tunnel, momentarily blinding them all. 

When Shay exited out of the tunnel, she was standing in a massive expanse of concrete that stretched out, like a sort of abandoned carpark that may have once been for something highly popular.  The ground was hardly the most interesting thing, however, for in front of the three women who had just left the tunnel, was a large cluster of motorbikes, and about twenty women all standing around them, chatting to each other, all of them dressed in motorbike leathers.

They turned toward the three by the door, and some called out greetings whilst others simply hooted and cheered, but they were all definitely happy to see Bobby, who hurried towards them, hugging and shaking hands with them all, the centre of attention.

Renn put a hand on Shay’s shoulder and led her gently towards the group.

“S’alright.  They’re all lovely people,” she encouraged, but that somehow didn’t stop Shay from feeling nervous about approaching them.  Bobby was chatting to a lady with jet black hair, both of them looking delighted.

“And how’s your mother?  Last time I saw her, she ordered a wine spritzer and left without paying,” Bobby lectured, making the other woman laugh.

“Bobby, it may surprise you to know that not everyone understands your method of payment.  My mother is fine, if still struggling to understand why I bother to be friends with you.  You’re lucky you’re so loveable; if you weren’t, she’d have had you locked behind bars by now!”

It was Bobby’s turn to laugh.

“Yes, but _you_ know why we’re friends.  Or, at least, I _hope_ you still remember!  Maybe that whack to your head is still affecting your memory.”

The black haired woman’s face turned serious for a moment.

“Of course I know, Bobby, and you’d be hard pressed to do something that would turn me against you.  Come here,” she cooed and hugged Bobby again.

Shay watched the exchange awkwardly, Renn by her side.  A few of the women who had been chattering between themselves stepped forward to Shay, extending their hands.  She didn’t catch their names in the buzz, but they all presented themselves with a smile, mentioned how “any friend of Bobby’s…” and a few of them even eyed Shay appreciatively.  _I can get used to this_ , she thought, a tiny grin taking over her face despite her unfamiliarity with the situation.

Bobby returned to them after chatting to and hugging a few more people, then her hand slipped into Shay’s, a comforting presence that soothed her nerves. 

The three of them walked back to the large group of women, who eventually stopped talking and stood to attention.

Bobby squeezed Shay’s hand, smiling at her with an excited light in her eyes that Shay found was contagious.  After a moment, she grinned back.

 “Shay, these are my Amazons, and all of them have promised to help you in any way they can.  Are you ready to go?”

The other woman nodded wordlessly, looking at all of the women in front of her, waving with her free hand.  Some of them waved back, some just smiled.

There were three unattended motorbikes.  Renn took the far left one, Bobby claimed the middle one, and Shay was left to take the one on the right, a sleek red and black Suzuki.

Bobby suddenly shouted something incomprehensible, and then Shay’s ears were filled with the sound of revving engines.  Bobby squeezed her arm, and then shot off, leading the group away.  Shay responded, and soon enough, Bobby and her Amazons were speeding along, a hint of electric excitement buzzing through all of them.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

**Orberg Hotel, 5:30 pm**

Delphine had grown quite good and not panicking, essentially just thinking _oh well, it didn’t matter anyway_ , but she had begun to care a lot more if things didn’t go well these days.  This was, of course, because of Cosima, but as she prepared for the DYAD event, she couldn’t take her mind off the tracker that had somehow made its way onto her shirt.

As she brushed her unfamiliar hair and styled it so that it hid her face from the sides, she considered what it meant.  Who had attached it?  She was certain that the answer to that question was Miri.  They had definitely been close enough to each other.  That begged the question; who was Miri working for?  She claimed to be sent by Bobby, which made sense, seeing as she had been there when they got the note from their ‘friend’.  So, who was Bobby?  A friend of Shay’s.  Could Shay be trusted in this?

Delphine sat on one of the chairs, putting on her heels, wondering how long she had until someone would burst through the door and put a gun to her head.  Her hands were shaking when she put her small black and gold earrings in.  They shook even more when she reached for her clutch, and the Frenchwoman had to stop herself moving so that she could school her body into being still.  She breathed in and out repeatedly for a minute, but the thought that someone knew exactly where she was, was terrifying.  She cursed herself for destroying it, thinking that she should have just taken it somewhere else and left it there.  Now, whoever had been tracking her knew her last known position.  She balled her hands into fists, frustrated beyond words.

There was nowhere else she could go, for now.  She had a job to do, and she needed to make sure that the night went at least a _little_ according to plan, if not _exactly._

She readied the room for her and Helena’s return, finding comfort in the constant movement and slight distraction from the impending doom of an unknown follower.

Eventually, she ran out of things to do, so she simply sat down in the small chair and watched the office through the telescope.  At half past six, Leekie was pacing back and forth wearing a tuxedo and reading lines from record cards he held in his hands.  He did this for some time, possibly ten minutes, until Delphine glimpsed a pair of white, disembodied heels.  Leekie turned to acknowledge them, but it didn’t look like a friendly exchange; his stance was too defensive.

The white-heeled person remained there for some time, engaging in a back and forth with Leekie that Delphine wished she could have been privy to.  The shoes turned around and disappeared, and Delphine thought that they had left the room, but Leekie still stood stiffly, so they must have still been in there.

Leekie began fiddling with his bow tie as he watched what Delphine couldn’t see from this vantage point, but he seemed more interested in watching the exchange between the two than in actually fixing the tie.

After a minute, Leekie raised a hand in a farewell greeting, then leant against his desk with one hand, using the other to gesticulate angrily at someone.

The person revealed themselves, the same person in white heels.  Delphine surmised that there must have been at least three people there, but now remained only two of them; Leekie’s posture relaxed ever so slightly.  The person in heels who, upon standing next to Leekie, revealed themselves to be a small woman with a sharp bob of blonde hair in a tightly fitting white dress, was not relaxed, however.  She stood tall, as if she was compensating for how short she really was. 

She touched Aldous’ arm, and then took over his attempts to fix his bow tie, her lips barely moving, but Delphine could tell that he was listening to her. 

Delphine was worried, at first.  She couldn’t work out the nature of their relationship, but it became clear after only a moment that this woman’s servitude in helping him with his tie was merely an act; she was the one in charge, there.  Delphine had thought that maybe Leekie had found… she shook her head.  No, this certainly wasn’t that type of relationship.

They exchanged words for some time, the sides of their faces open to Delphine, until Leekie ducked his head down, his brow furrowed in some sort of challenge.  The blonde woman merely lifted her chin ever so slightly in her own challenge, and Delphine could see a little more of her face: _everything_ was sharp.  She said something, and Leekie laughed derisively, turning away from the woman forcefully, facing the window, the light shining on his face and throwing everything into sharp relief.

Delphine was shocked to see how old he seemed.  She had seen him only months ago, but he looked as if he had aged by years in that time.  He stooped a little, as if he couldn’t force himself to stand to his full height.

He appeared to have said something, but seeing as he hardly ever moved his mouth when he spoke, Delphine couldn’t be sure.  She was partly worried that he would be able to see her, but he didn’t seem to be looking for anything in particular.

The woman tilted her head by a minute number of degrees, closed her eyes for a slow blink, said some words, and then turned around, leaving Leekie alone in his office to turn to his desk and slump in his chair, head in his hands.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

**The DYAD Institute: 7:30 pm**

The glass and metal of the DYAD Institute made for a very showy first impression, but Delphine had seen it all before.  The showy blue lighting with the large island of grass in the middle of the patio, surrounded by the bar on one side and the large vases containing flowers and bouquets, were all familiar to her.  She had played the woman attached to Leekie’s hip at his events many times, and she was not as taken with her surroundings as the other people she walked in with were.

She adjusted the glasses on her face, pushing them back up her nose, keeping her head tilted down in case there was anyone around that would recognise her if they saw her properly.

“ _Merde_ …” she whispered to herself, unsure of what to do next.  She was to wait for Helena, but she considered where she should do that.

Glancing around, she decided that going to the bar would be the least conspicuous thing.

Dressed in her black and white block dress, she gripped at her clutch and walked as unassumingly as she could towards the bar, ordering the same drink as the lady she found herself next to, which turned out to be a mojito.

She sipped on her drink and glanced back around the area.

She could see the platform on which Leekie would give his speech, as the Speaker of the event.  As it was an Open Evening, getting into the patio had been easy, but now, she was simply waiting for Helena to allow her to move on to the next step. 

The lady beside her with the original mojito turned to her, trying to initiate conversation.

“Are you looking forward to hearing Doctor Leekie speak tonight?” she questioned, a politely interested look on her face.

Delphine, surprised that someone was trying to talk to her, had some difficulty swallowing her mouthful of alcohol, but managed to get through it without too much difficulty.  She panicked internally, and when she spoke, she cringed at her scrambled attempt at what seemed to be French Canadian.

“Yes, yes indeed.  I think he’s going to be marvellous, don’t you?” she deflected, making the other woman lead the conversation.

“Oh, absolutely.  I’ve been sharing all of his work with my students, it really is fascinating.  Are you here for yourself, or is it an obligation?”

Delphine laughed politely, feeling stiff and pained behind her façade of light-hearted chitchat and gossip.

“Oh, listening to Aldous is _never_ an obligation!” she clucked, touching a hand to the woman’s arm.  She laughed in response.

“Of course not, of course not.  Are you… personally acquainted with him?” she asked jealously.  Delphine took another sip of her mojito, measuring her words.

“We have worked together on a number of occasions, yes,” she confided, and the woman’s eyes lit up.

“Oh wow, that is absolutely incredible!  Please, you must introduce me tonight!” and Delphine panicked again.

“Oh!” she called out, spotting Helena across the grass, “I am so very sorry, but I have just spotted a dear friend of mine.  I promise I shall introduce you later on, yes?” she babbled, not really waiting to get an answer from the woman who was so star struck that she never considered for one second that Aldous Leekie could be a fundamentally _bad_ person.

She kept her head down and her steps soft, but she still flinched every time someone stepped a little too close for her liking.

Once she reached Helena, it seemed to take some time for the woman to notice her as she offered out her appetisers on the tray to everyone who was walking past, drinking, and chatting with each other. 

The Ukrainian spotted her but didn’t acknowledge her until they were both left vaguely alone in the crowd.  Helena moved a hand over her food quickly and then approached Delphine, holding out her plate of hors d’oeuvres.

“Would you care for little munchy?” she asked.  “I know they are good for filling tummy.  Have you eaten today?”  Delphine smirked at her, taking a curious little appetiser that looked interesting, a small structure of pastry and smoked salmon.

Helena’s hand touched hers under the tray, passing along a small card with a clip attached to it.  Delphine nodded at Helena, and then turned away, tucking the small key card into her pocket.  She could only hope that it would have a clearance level high enough to get her into where she wanted to go.

She was heading back around the area to get into the building through the small set of steps down, but just as she was about to head down them, a loud, female voice rang out through a speaker.

“ _Ladies and gentlemen, in a moment, Doctor Leekie will be welcoming you to the DYAD Institute.  Please stand by._ ”

Delphine was stopped in her tracks by the sight of that aforementioned man rising from the steps that she had just been about to step down.  She spun around, heading back into the crowd of people, who were waiting to hear him speak.  He waved at the crowd as he walked through the garden, smiling and shaking a few people’s hand here and there.

Eventually, he made it through to the podium, but Delphine was unable to move away and carry on with her plan.  _He is here, right in front of me!  That’s what I need!  His office will be empty now, I need to get out of here and look for Cosima’s cure, I don’t have_ time _to hang about!_   But she did.  She couldn’t help herself.

“ _Please welcome Doctor Leekie,_ ” the announcer called out, and a massive round of applause deafened Delphine, who could not bring herself to pretend that she was even vaguely happy to see him.  Instead, she felt as if she might throw up the salmon pastry she had just eaten.

Leekie rose to the blue-lit stage.

“Thank you everyone!” he called out, waiting for the applause to die down.  When they had, his voice rang in Delphine’s ears, bouncing about in her head, making her feel woozy.  She could only stare at him.  “I am Doctor Aldous Leekie… director… of the DYAD Institute, and it is my _great_ pleasure to welcome you here, on behalf of the entire DYAD Group of companies.”  Applause shook in Delphine’s chest again, and she closed her eyes to stop her sight from blurring.

She gulped and forced herself to breathe in once again.  “The keystone… of the _original_ DYAD Institute… was set here in 1918,” he resumed, and a polite smattering of applause followed.  He smiled benevolently down on them, as if he were their patient teacher, accepting their love without question.  “Today, worldwide, the _overwhelming_ majority of biotech research is funded by private capital,” he nodded to emphasise his words, “and today, the DYAD Group _spans_ the _globe._   We employ _twenty-seven thousand_ souls in 134 countries, _including_ Vatican City.”  The information that Delphine was already unhappily familiar with delighted the audience, and they clapped again, as if Leekie knew every one of his employees personally.  Delphine felt disgusted.  Leekie raised a finger up to the sky, his sly smile adorning his face.  “The age of biotechnology… is upon us.  It is the moral responsibility… of visionaries – like us – to continue healing, feeding, and _fuelling_ , the _future_... of humanity.”  Yet again, his _innovative_ words inspired applause in those around him.

He moved to speak again, but Delphine felt something jab in her back and didn’t hear what he had to say next.  She turned to see what it was, and she was relieved to see that it was just Helena, prodding her back into action.  She whispered at the Frenchwoman.

“ _Go, sestra.  He will not talk for so long.”_

Delphine snuck away, hurrying down the stairs, using the key card to allow her entry to the tenth floor.  From there, she easily navigated the halls, her neural pathways having instilled the directions in her head from many years ago.

The key card had access to his office, too.  She slipped inside, strangely unsure of how easy it had been.  She had expected to have to hide behind some walls and pillars to wait for sergeants to move away before she got here, but she wasn’t about to question it.

She set to work immediately.

She pulled open drawers, turned the computer on and rifled through file after file, looking for any indication of the information that would be of use to her.

There was nothing, at first. 

She attempted to put everything back where she had found it, but it was quite hard to remember when her mind was still reeling from the sight of being in such close proximity to _him_ again.

She lost track of time, she should have paid attention to her watch and _left_ as soon as the clock indicated eight o’clock.  But she didn’t.

She was so very nearly caught when she heard footsteps coming from outside, but she managed to shove herself behind one of Leekie’s hobby farms and stay silent.  She looked back desperately at the desk, terrified that she had left anything out to reveal that she’d been there, but it seemed okay, she couldn’t see anything glaringly obvious.

Two sets of footsteps came in, both men.  Delphine listened closely, trying to work out who they were.  She worked out one of them when she heard the first person talk.  It was Leekie.

“So, Mr Chevalier, it has been a long time since I’ve had the pleasure of hosting you at the DYAD Institute.  Are you ready to get down to business?”

The voice that answered in response sent a shiver of pure, unfiltered fear through her body, and Delphine had to do everything she could not to scream.  She shuffled ever so slightly in her crouching position behind the hobby farm, and looked around the corner with an eye, confirming her fears.

There they were, the two of them, right there in front of her, while she was alone.

Aldous… and Ferdinand.


	42. "Whom He Strikes His Crooked Tushes Slay"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I have waited so very, very long to share this all with you. It has been the cause of some sleepless nights, I tell you! **I must warn you, there is a lot of death ahead.** Thank you so, so much for joining me this far, it has been a hell of a ride, and I am so emotional right now, I have had this planned for months and months, and it's finally happening! *sigh*  
>  Thank you to my new beta, SaveDelphine, for letting me babble on about this story for an egotistical amount of time. 
> 
> Love,  
> Hermione
> 
>  
> 
> “On his bow-back he hath a battle set  
> Of bristly pikes that ever threat his foes;  
> His eyes like glowworms shine when he doth fret;  
> His snout digs sepulchres where’er he goes;  
> Being moved he strikes what e’er is in his way,  
> And whom he strikes his crooked tushes slay.”  
> ~ An excerpt on the Boar from 'Venus and Adonis' by William Shakespeare

Delphine slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle the whimper that threatened to force its way out of her body as she snapped her head back behind the hobby farm.  Her hand was cold against her numb face.

 _“The blood that was originally in your hands has travelled all the way to your_ feet _to make it easier to run away.”_

Delphine closed her eyes, remembering Cosima’s touch, a touch that had always felt so strong and grounded in reality.  She had to stay quiet so that she could survive this for Cosima, and Cosima had to survive for her.  She refused to lose her; Leekie had taken everything, but he would not take her.

“Down to business?” Ferdinand snorted.  “Come now, Leekie, don’t tell me you’ve gone soft.  I know you.  You’ve had someone do all your dirty work without you needing to lift a finger.  There’s no business tonight, just celebration.  Isn’t that right?”

Leekie laughed good-naturedly. 

“You’ve seen right through me,” he pursed his lips, stepping over to a small cabinet in the corner of his office opposite to his hobby farm.  It was adorned with strange curios from the man’s travels and gifts from foreign benefactors of the Institute.

He opened a door of the cabinet, pulling out two snifters and a bottle of something Delphine was too preoccupied to identify.  He poured a generous amount into each glass and then made his way to his desk, seating himself in his large chair and placing one glass on the far side of the table, forcing Ferdinand to take one of the chairs opposite him.  Delphine shuffled accordingly so that she was hidden further from view by the tiny amount of space she had to hide behind, praying she wasn’t making any noise.  The small noises of Ferdinand moving carried through the room that was only dimly lit from a standing lamp in the corner.  The noise and laughter from the party could be heard in the silence, until Ferdinand’s voice cut through it with a sharp knife, the rumble of his voice reverberating in Delphine’s chest.

“You’ve done well, Leekie.  I must say, you always seemed to be a bit saggier than my grandmother’s left tit, but you have surprised me.  I shall _never_ forget that cock up with those two girls, but this comes a fair way in redeeming you.  The cure to a worldwide epidemic!” Ferdinand grinned, taking a small sip from the snifter, smacking it unnecessarily violently back on the table.  “Don’t know how you swung that one!  Our competition brought down, and you have avoided _all_ culpability!  Tell me, was that new-age bitch with the dreadlocks _in_ the building when you blew its top off?” he asked, the morbid curiosity and excitement in his voice boiling Delphine’s blood.

Leekie shook his head as he sat back in his seat.

“Unfortunately not, I’m afraid.  That was the plan, along with the spy I sent, who was getting difficult to manage, as we knew they both often slept in the building overnight, but unfortunately, Dr Niehaus suffered some sort of attack from the illness, and had to be hospitalised in the night during the fire.”

“Oh yes, I heard she was quite sick.  That’s certainly a motivation for finding a cure – if you’re going to die before you have a hope in hell of finding it, right?  Poor sod, what a shame she got involved in this.  Her stubbornness to remain in the business and find the cure only made it worse for her.”

Leekie opened his mouth to respond, but at that moment, there was a knock on the door, and someone else entered.

He was wrapped up in a thick coat, his head covered with a hat.  He wore heavy boots and he _clunked_ his way towards the desk, a bag strap pulling his left shoulder down with its weight.

“Dr Leekie!” the man’s voice carried, identifying him as Eric.  Delphine frowned, forcing herself not to watch despite her curiosity and anger, another pair of eyes only making her discovery far more likely.

“Ah, Eric.  Finally.  How was your trip?”

“Fair enough.  Travelling is travelling.”

“And the detour wasn’t too much hassle?”

“No, sir.  It went very smoothly.”

“Well, hand it over then, let’s see what we’ve got.”

The small _thunk_ as the bag was placed on the table, the _zip_ as the bag was opened, the coo of Leekie’s voice as he happily regarded what he saw.

“Come, Ferdinand, look,” his voice beckoned, and Ferdinand’s shoes shuffled as he moved to see.  “Here, five of the prototypes of the cure that we can recreate with our own resources, and this USB, with everything we might possibly need to know.  This, right here, is millions of dollars, multiple features in prestigious magazines, and…” he sighed covetously, “maybe even a Gairdner Award.”

Silence, for a few seconds, as the three men took in the gravity of what those things meant for them until Delphine heard the sound of skin brushing against fabric, and then a momentous bang that made Delphine jump with fright, her ears ringing with the volume of the shot.  Panicking, and with no idea of what was going on, she froze in place, rigid.  A loud _thud_ sounded to Delphine’s left and then Eric’s head was visible from the woman’s position behind the hobby farm, a hole in his head, bleeding out onto the floor.

Delphine stared at his dead body, wide-eyed and disbelieving. 

Thinking she had gone mad, she blinked and rubbed at her eyes, scratched her neck, pinched her skin, did anything to ground herself.

She shuddered silently.

 “And that,” Leekie said, “means more for us.”

The _chink_ of their glasses meeting rang out like a gong, making Delphine’s head spin.  There was silence as they drank.

Footsteps sounded on the floor, but Delphine refused to look in case she would be seen.

Ferdinand laughed raucously as Delphine heard his foot connect with the body, jolting what Delphine could see of Eric, caused a ripple in the thick puddle of blood.

Her head reeled, feeling sick at the sight of the blood seeping slowly from Eric’s head and inching towards her as it pooled outwards.

“I didn’t think you had it in you, Leekie,” Ferdinand mused, the humour in his voice reminding her of his callousness about the death of the girl she loved so long ago.  Blood was sprayed everywhere across this sterile white room.

Leekie hummed, nodding his head.

“You’ll be interested to find, Ferdinand, that I have always been capable of more than you ever gave me credit for.”

Ferdinand laughed, his chin tucking into his neck as he turned back to Leekie.

“Yes, I can see that!”

“No, I don’t think you do.”

“What are you talking about, you tosser?  Speaking in riddles, are we?”

Ferdinand’s voice sounded dry and raspy, even more grating to listen to than it had been a few minutes ago.  He cleared his throat softly.

“I’m talking about how you underestimate me, Ferdinand.”

“Look, if you’re going to go off on one about those two girls, then I understand already.  Yes, it was my fault the bitch died and yes, you solved the problem, but _really_ , Leekie, you’ve never had the ability to _take control_ as I have.  I would apologise for the way things turned out in our hierarchy, but unfortunately, I would be lying.  That’s just the way it is.”

Leekie hummed deeply, and Ferdinand coughed a little, a wetter sounding cough this time.

“You’re currently sitting in my office at the DYAD Institute, Ferdinand.  I have twenty-seven thousand people working underneath _me_ , not you.  Can you see that?  Now, here’s the thing,” Leekie started, some scraping on the floor warning Delphine of his movements.  “For as long as I’ve been in your company, it has always been in my best interests to do what you say.  Of course, nearly all you’ve had me do is illegal, but I have an excellent team to work – for _me_ – on that.”  A small bump of a glass being placed on his desk sounded and Leekie’s footsteps resumed, seemingly showing he was walking back over to his cabinet.  “When you came to me, telling me of the opportunity to steal scientific research right from under the noses of the scientists doing that work, I was intrigued.  I had never pegged you as a man who had an understanding of science.”  The cabinet opened, then closed again once Leekie had what he wanted.  “I was, of course, correct.  You wouldn’t know a vein from an artery, let alone… _biology_ from chemistry.”  The man continued circling, and Ferdinand cleared his throat again, getting nervous.  “I realised… that you had no idea what it was that you’d sent me to do!  This offered a… certain freedom.  You let _me_ do what I was best at… and simply waited… to reap the rewards.  But, you had no idea how to go about it.  Frankly, this job has been the hardest yet, if only because I’ve realised throughout it that the only thing stopping the others in our little group is fear… or blackmail.”  Leekie placed something else on his desk, a much larger and heavier object.  “I am a redoubtable man myself, Ferdinand, and you should never have believed for a second that I would continue to do all the work, and let you take it all away from me when I was done.”

Ferdinand started coughing even more, and Delphine frowned, listening to the words as her heart threatened to jump out of her mouth.  “There was no way on this earth that I would _ever_ share the glory of finding a cure for _millions_ of people… with a wastrel like you.”

Ferdinand groaned as he struggled to breathe, making stomach churning frothing noises as he started to asphyxiate.  “You were a fool to ever think this would work.  You _were_ a fool, you _are_ a fool, and you will _die_ a fool.”

Delphine jumped at the sound of Ferdinand’s head smacking against the desk as he expired, but still, she managed to remain silent.  The only sound she could now hear besides the clinking of glasses and laughter from the party was Leekie zipping up the bag again, and chuckling softly to himself.

Crouching there in her dress, Delphine shivered, the scent of death overpowering everything else in the room.

She gagged, the blood from Eric’s head inching ever closer to her. 

She needed to get away, she needed to find a way out, she _needed_ to run away.

 _“But I don’t_ want _to run away from this, Cosima.”_

 _“I know, babe.  So, here’s what you do; you use your now super warm feet and run_ towards _the danger, facing it head on.”_

Delphine felt the ghost of a kiss that had accompanied those words, and an energy buzzed within her, making her feel brave.  Two had already died that night.  Why not another?

Cosima’s cure was _right there_ on that table.  All she had to do was somehow incapacitate Leekie and run away with it.  She had done that before – Ferdinand had been the problem when it was Danielle she was running away with.  Leekie was clever, absolutely, and there was no doubt about that; he had just taken out two men singlehandedly with no fight, but he was not _strong_.  Physically, he was surprisingly slight.

All the power he had ever had over her… it had always been mental.  He had never _really_ overpowered her, he had simply made her think he could, forcing her to bend before she saw she was stronger than him, that _she_ could overpower _him_.

She could, she could do it; it seemed so simple!

Silently, she stood up, sorting the creases in her dress and straightening her spine to play on the added height that she had over Leekie’s old and curving body, as the man in question had his back to her, still focussed on the bag that sat on the table.

Silently, she undid the clutch of her bag, which contained the smallest of Helena’s guns, the only one that would fit into it, and it did so with difficulty.

Silently, she lifted the gun, aiming at the back of Leekie’s head, knowing _all she had to do_ was press the trigger.

Not so silently, the door opened _again._

“Aldous, my key card-” the voice stopped as the woman in the doorway took in the scene before her.

Trapped, Delphine didn’t know who to point the gun at now.  Knowing Leekie had shot Eric, and reasoning that he had to have a gun still on him, she kept it trained on him, her hand beginning to shake.

Leekie turned around smiling, his hands coming up to calm the woman and explain, but then he saw Delphine, and his eyebrows rose in such unsurprised surprise that Delphine nearly pulled the trigger then and there.

She couldn’t say why she didn’t.

“Oh,” he said monotonously, “it seems we have another invitee on the guest list whom I forgot to mention.” 

The three of them stood there, in that room of dead bodies, waiting for something to happen.

When nothing did, the woman in the white dress moved forward, hips swaying dangerously.

“Good evening, I’m Rachel D-”

Delphine spun, training the gun on her instead, her voice immediately setting her on edge.  This was a woman who _knew_ …  What she knew, Delphine _didn’t_ know, but she figured she didn’t _want_ to, either.  The woman froze when the gun was trained on her, slightly taken aback that someone would do such a brazen thing.  How stupid of Delphine it was to threaten her so openly.  She cleared her throat and walked further into the room, giving Eric’s body a wide berth.  “I’m Rachel Duncan.”

Delphine knew the name.  She knew it, but she couldn’t place it.  It was eating away at her insides, not remembering it, but she _knew_ it.  As of now, she was the one with the gun, and so she called the shots.

“Why do I care who you are?  I’m not here for you, leave now, and I won’t shoot you.”

Rachel Duncan stared at Delphine for a moment.  Then she laughed ever so slightly.  It was uncomfortable to watch.  She opened her mouth, but Leekie spoke first.  This seemed to incense Rachel, who glared at Leekie.

“Delphine, this is Rachel, daughter of Ethan Duncan.”

Two things happened:

The first was that Delphine shuddered to hear his voice speak her name again, and it made her angry.  She turned the gun back on him.

The second was that she recognised the name _Ethan Duncan_ and she _realised_ what it meant and it made her _angry._   She turned the gun back on Rachel.  This night was absolutely not going to plan, and that made her even angrier.  She was confused, and when she got confused, she got flustered and frustrated and that was _dangerous_.  She needed to know what was going on, needed to get this situation under control before someone died, who didn’t need to.

“Rachel…Duncan…” she worded, sorting out the syllables with her tongue, making sense of them. 

“Yes.  And you _must_ be Delphine Cormier.”

“How must I be?” Delphine asked warily, still not sure at whom the gun should be pointing.  Her hands were shaking even more, now.

Leekie butted in before she could speak _again_ , which made the blonde woman seethe.

“Rachel, do not overstep.  Leave me to talk with Delphine, please.”

Rachel was angry now, too.  Delphine could see it written on her face; _“but I’m here now, I’ve seen her and I_ deserve _to know what happens next.  I want to watch you crush her.”_  

Desperate, she fired the gun a few feet wide of the woman dressed in white.  Delphine’s arm was jolted with the force of the shot, and she only just managed to recover.  Glass smashed and everyone flinched.  Rachel’s eyes were wide.  Delphine spoke.

“I was never lucky enough to meet your father, Rachel, but I know from a very reliable source that he is a good man, and very kind.  I have not heard the same said of you.  Do not think I am foolish enough to be taken in by your sly words, I have had enough of that from him,” she snarled, and her arm _swooped_ as she pointed the gun at Leekie.  The freedom with which she flung the gun make Leekie flinch and he faltered, falling back against his desk when he stumbled.  Delphine marvelled at how weak he actually was.  She marvelled at how _strong_ she was herself.

This would be easy.

“Rachel!” Leekie commanded, “Get _out_ of here and let me talk with Delphine.  Come back later and we can fix these,” he motioned towards the dead bodies, “as we discussed before.”

Rachel seethed, chagrined that she had been dismissed. 

“No, stay here,” Delphine ordered, stepping towards the much shorter woman.  The venom in Rachel’s face at two people trying to control her nearly stopped Delphine, but she forged onwards.  “Stay here and watch me shoot this man.  Stay here, watch it happen, and be careful that the same doesn’t happen to you,” she warned, stepping up to Rachel and spitting the words in her ear.  If she didn’t take control, she knew that this woman would.  Rachel’s face, whilst staying emotionless and calm, belied the apprehension that she felt through her eyes.  Delphine smirked triumphantly, and Rachel stood, unsure of which person she should listen to, if she should at all. 

Her phone beeped, ringing out, calling everyone’s attention in the room. 

Delphine stood back, pointing the gun at her chest, the threat open and unapologetic.  She nodded at Rachel, who answered the phone.

“Hello? ... Yes… Oh, really? … It seems there is a lot of that going about, tonight… Can you not deal with her yourself? … I hardly think it seems that difficult… Very well, I’ll be down in a moment…”

She cut off the call, then smirked triumphantly at Delphine.  “Unfortunately, Miss Cormier, I’m needed elsewhere.  I fear my absence would be sorely noted.”

Delphine snarled in response.  She fired the gun again, now holding it with two hands, this time to the other side of Rachel – but it wasn’t out of desperation, now.  It was a direct message: _“do not fuck with me.”_

“Fine, go.  But speak of this to anyone, and I will have you shot in the knees, and maybe elsewhere, if I feel like it.  Then, if anyone asks you how it happened, you can tell them that you _royally_ pissed of _Doctor_ Delphine Cormier, and she did not take kindly to it.  Go.  _Go!_ ” she raged quietly, when Rachel took too long to respond to her command.

She left the room swiftly, her footsteps stalking away as her heels clacked on the floor, getting steadily quieter.

They didn’t have much time before she would undoubtedly bring someone back.  Delphine had to act quickly.

Gun trained back on Leekie, she steeled herself, willing to get back the place she had been in mentally before Rachel Duncan had interrupted them.

“Delphine, we can _talk_ about this, don’t be _hasty_ ,” he started, his hands coming up as if she could _possibly_ be placated right now.  He had a small smile on his face, a smile that always made Delphine feel as if she had forgotten something major, or that he knew something that she could never understand.  It was infuriating, but Delphine stopped herself from acting rashly.  She had to play this right, she had to _know_ if there was anything she was missing, so that she could get out of here alive.

“Why would I talk to you?  Kneel down, I want to shoot you as I look down at your creaky old body,” she spat, using the gun to indicate he should get down.  When he didn’t, she thrust it forward again, and he flinched, finally getting on his knees.

“Delphine, Delphine, _please_ , stop and _think about this!_   The 15%, it’s yours for the taking!  We’ll make _millions!_ ” he wailed, as he held his hands up in surrender.  Delphine trod towards him, through the pool of Eric’s blood.  She had him where she needed him, he would not escape this.

“You killed these men, whom you were presumably going to share the profits with.  I don’t believe you won’t try and kill me, you’ve already got a plan in your head now.  You have sent men after me to kill me, already.”

Leekie laughed nervously.

“No, no, Delphine, you’ve got it all wrong!  I killed these men because they weren’t _worthy_ of the glory of finding the cure.  I’d never kill you, I wouldn’t!”

Delphine snarled, needing to hit something.  She kicked him, instead.  A loud “ _oof!”_ sounded as she knocked the air out of him and he doubled over in pain, clutching to his side.

“I don’t believe you, not one bit!  Look at me, I want you to acknowledge me when I kill you.”

“Delphine!  Listen to me, we could be _famous_ , we could work _together_ , we could make _millions…_   _Together!_ ”

Delphine laughed poisonously.

“I don’t think you understand, Aldous.  That is the _last_ thing I want.  I may have wanted that, years ago, but I wouldn’t work with you now if you were the last man on Earth.  I don’t know how you can’t see that… now _look at me!_   Let me see the fear in your eyes as I take your life!”

The panic in Leekie’s eyes was delicious, and Delphine drank it all in.  He had lost, and she was going to win. 

“Delphine, Delphine, I- I made a promise- when we made our agreement.  I leave you alone, and- and- you get your _practise_ , you get to be a doctor- and I will be out of your hair, I _promise-_ if you just-”

“You don’t understand _anything_ , do you?” she raged, and turned away to the door, putting her left hand to her head, marvelling at how obtuse this man really was.

“I- I don’t- what?” he pleaded, needing to know what she meant.  She turned back to him, fire in her eyes.

“Whatever you promise me, it means _nothing_ to me anymore.  Because I am no longer reliant on _you_ and your _lies_ and your _pretence_ and your _violence._   Because I am my own person, finally, I know who I am, I know what I want and I know how I can get there, and to do that, you are dead.  Because, in my journey to Topside, I have found Doctor Niehaus, and I have found _love._   You took Danielle away from me, but Cosima is _mine_ and you will _not_ take her from me!”

Leekie looked stunned for a moment.

“You don’t… You _can’t_ love her… There’s no way, Delphine!  _Danielle_ , really?  And _Cosima?_   No, Delphine, that isn’t _love…_ stop fooling yourself, that is sexual attraction only, it’s not-”

Delphine hit his chin with the butt of her gun.

“Not what, Aldous?  Not what _you_ feel for _me?_   Please, you are a sick man with a false sense of what _love_ is, do not say that you love me, I’m sick of hearing it.  Cosima is the woman I love, she is the person I love, she is not the only woman I have ever loved, but she is the one I choose to dedicate everything I am to.”

Leekie growled, and before she realised what he was doing, he had pounced on her, knocking her gun out of her hand and shoving her backwards, taking her completely by surprise, his back bowed and bristling with his aim to maim and slay. 

“No, Delphine!  Don’t ever say that I don’t love you!  Everything I have done for you has been out of my care for you, my devotion!  And this is how you think I want to be repaid?  You telling me about your sexual exploits with other _women?_ ” Delphine hit the wall next to the cabinet, Leekie’s weight crushing her against it.  She smacked her head and was dizzied, and Leekie found his opportunity.  “You are _mine_ , Delphine, and I am the _only one_ who gets to keep you, to touch you, to feel you!”

Part of Delphine was terrified, but another part of her was so mindlessly _bored_ with this situation.  She was stronger, now.  He had aged. He was weaker.  He was a joke.  He clawed at her dress, attempting to ride it up, but Delphine regained control in a matter of seconds.  She brought her knee up and smacked his jaw, and he fell back onto the floor on his ass. 

_Delphine straddled him and began punching his face again and again and again, eliciting groans from the disgusting man beneath her.  She screamed as she hit him, the pain of every time he had hit her, hurt her, and raped her seething in the forefront of her mind, spurring her on.  She could see his hand trying to reach inside his coat pocket but she stopped him, trapping both of his hands under her knees._

“Non, not again,” she raged, and stuck her own hand into the pocket.  _She gasped as she pulled out a semi-automatic pistol._   It felt strange in her hand, familiar.  She looked at it in the dim light and she _knew_ ; she could feel it.

It was the same gun.  The same gun, from all those years ago.  It was impossible, _how_ could he have kept it?  Leekie was looking up at her, gauging her response, humour in his eyes.

“A beautiful weapon, isn’t it?” he rasped, and Delphine bristled, the meaning behind his words starting a fire in her heart, burning every feeling she had ever experienced.  This would be how she died, Leekie breaking her heart _yet again_.  She whacked him with the butt of his gun this time, leaving him groaning on the floor.

Delphine stood up with the weapon in her hand and stalked away from him for a few steps, then spinning on her foot and turning back to him, angrier than she had ever been before.  The gun was _so heavy_ , it was shocking.  The gun that killed Danielle.  She smiled as she watched Leekie stumble as he tried to get back up.  She felt a gruesome humour bubble in the bottom of her stomach, felt it boil and rise up, shoving its way out of her in a manic laugh.  He held onto the wall to stop himself wobbling with one hand, and used the other to massage his jaw, which was already bruising.  He took a step towards her and Delphine grinned, shooting the foot he stepped forward with, then immediately shooting the other.  _BANG!  BANG!_ One.  Two.  Holding the gun in both hands, it was still immensely difficult to control when her hands were shaking so much already.  Leekie cried out in agony, and fell forward, ending back on the floor on his front.

Delphine laughed again, watching what this ridiculously sick man would do next.  He lay there for a while, moaning in pain to himself as his feet bled out into his office.  Delphine walked up to him, and started talking, slowly.

“You and I are the same, Leekie.  Almost exactly the same, really.  Do you want to know how?” she asked, and stomped as hard as she could on his foot.  Leekie wailed, and started clawing at the floor to drag himself away from her.  She shot his hands, one and then the other, _BANG!  BANG!_ Three.  Four.  Delphine would certainly be able to get used to his cries of agony.  He pulled his bleeding hands to his chest as he rolled onto his back, their spasms shooting blood out of them with the force of his weakening pulse.

“Delphine, Delphine, _please_ , stop!  You wouldn’t- you wouldn’t kill me!  You can’t!”

“I wouldn’t?  What makes you so sure, Aldous?  Do you want to know why we are so similar?” she asked again, more forcefully this time.  When he didn’t answer, she carried on anyway.

“We’re the same because there is just as much darkness in my heart as there is in yours,” she told the writhing Leekie, taking immense enjoyment in his pain.  This was perfect – almost too good to be true.  “Why me, Leekie?  What made you choose _me_ to corrupt?  To pour all of your darkness into, to poison with your hatred?”  She dug her heel into one of Leekie’s bleeding hands, making him squeal in pain.  “Why did you choose _me_ to make another _you?_ ” she asked through gritted teeth, her ears ringing with Leekie’s cries.

“No… No…” Leekie puled, begging her repeatedly to stop, but she knew she wouldn’t.  She was angry, she was hurting this man _back_ and it felt so good.  She was enjoying herself…immensely.

She hated this man, she hated him so much, and he was at her feet, begging _her_ for mercy.

No, there was no way that she was going to stop.

She shot the backs of both his knees.  _BANG!  BANG!_ Five.  Six.  She was getting better at using this devil of an instrument.  There was no reason she did it.  She simply…enjoyed…being a part of this.

“We’re the same, Aldous,” she spat, her anger spurring her on.  “We’re the same, Aldous, but this is why we’re different.  All of that darkness inside you, you let it seep into your bones, don’t you?  You let it seep, and continue to seep until it _consumes_ you, don’t you?  It kills you slowly.  Everything hurts, doesn’t it?  All the time, everything _aches_ , but you _shove it down_ , ignore it until you _almost_ can’t feel it anymore, don’t you?  And you can’t stop it!  But you know what I know?  You don’t _want_ to stop it, do you?  You _like_ the way it hurts, don’t you?” Delphine sighed, watching Leekie’s shivering, shaking body on the floor.  “But that’s not why we’re different, oh no.  Here’s the secret:  I do that too.  I _feel_ that, too.  _All_ of it.  I like it too.  I _love_ the pain, it makes me feel _alive_.  But we’re different, Aldous, because I’m just better at _hiding_ it than you are,” she laughed, and shot him where she knew the bottoms of his two lungs were situated.  _BANG!  BANG!_ Seven.  Eight.  The gun was an extension of her arm, now.  She knew how to use it now, and she was not going to stop.

Leekie started choking, no longer able to breathe, the blood pouring out of him exiting also through his mouth, bubbling.  She knew she was going too quickly, she knew she should savour the moment, but she _couldn’t._   This just felt too good.  “Danielle was shot just above her heart, did you know, Aldous?  Nobody could ever dream of touching its purity.  She was a better person that any of us in this room, and she deserved to live.  More than any of us, _she_ deserved to be the one to get away from it all, but she didn’t.  Because we’re the _same_ , Aldous.  I am _just_ as dark as you.”

She lowered the gun and shot straight between his legs.  _BANG!_ Nine.  Leekie, bleeding profusely, still had it in him to squeal again, and Delphine watched as blood spurted weakly from his crotch, turning his fabric darker, making it shine with the light in the corner.

“I am the _same_ as you, Aldous.  I’m the _same_ as you, do you get that?” she asked, simply watching the blood pool.  _BANG!_   Ten.  She shot him in the head.  “But that’s what’s important, isn’t it?  I am just as dark as you, but I’m _better_ than you.  _I_ can shoot _you_ in the heart, when I couldn’t dream of tainting Danielle’s with Ferdinand’s shot.  We are one and the same.  I can shoot your heart, because I can match it.  I’m _just_ as bad as you,” she mumbled, still fascinated with the blood, watching it glint and run, oozing and thick, “but I’m better than you at being good, too…  You are weak, because you think you’re the best… but you made me, and you made me _better_ at being _awful_ than you are.  You are neither the best, nor the worse, Aldous.  The fact of the matter is… you are _nothing_.  And I can shoot you in the heart, because it’s such a dark thing, and you _don’t matter to me_.” 

She raised the gun and shot Leekie’s heart, ending in one final, resounding _BANG!_  Eleven.  She didn’t know when it had stopped beating, but she decided that it didn’t matter anyway. 

“I was never a better person than you, I know that now.  But I was always better at finding the little bit of good I had left.”

Leekie’s lifeless body lay limp on the floor.

She hardly registered it.  She walked over to the desk, picking up the bag that contained the drive and the samples.  She spat at Ferdinand, feeling intense satisfaction when her saliva hit his cheek and started trailing down his face, dribbling onto his lips, where the remnants of froth remained from the poison he drank. 

Smiling a small smile to herself, she left the office, leaving the stench of death behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all knew this wasn't gonna be an easy ride.


	43. The Peril of Disturbed Brutality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> I apologise for the wait in getting this chapter to you! I have been lazy, and that's all there is to it.  
> My love and thanks to SaveDelphine, who continues to squeal delightedly at any reference I make to Shabby.
> 
> My love and thanks to you too, Dear Reader, for sticking with me.
> 
> Hermes
> 
> **Warning: This chapter contains tremendous amounts of violence, swearing, and some death.**

“So, you recorded their whole conversation?  And they didn’t even notice it?” Shay looked suspiciously at Bobby.  “You know, you’re pretty cool, I’ll give you that, but I find it very hard to believe that two women such as Helena and Delphine didn’t realise that they were being bugged at their own lunch table.”  Bobby laughed, turning her head ever so slightly to look at Shay askance.

“I had a tracker put on Delphine and she didn’t realise it for nearly a day.  What do you think they are?  Superhumans?  Sorry to disappoint you, honey, but there is only own superhuman in this world, and that’s me,” she grinned, winking at Shay with a glint in her eye.

Shay batted her arm, tutting and turning around to face a smirking Renn.

“Did you know about this, too?  That Helena took Delphine through the whole plan in a café?”

“Actually, no, I didn’t.  You may think that Bobby keeps things from you, but don’t feel left out – she does it to all of us,” Renn commented, taking a large bite out of the bread roll she held in her hands.  “I learnt along with you, Shay.”

Shay frowned and then turned back to her best friend.

“Well then, when are we leaving?” she asked, bouncing nervously in the booth they had chosen in this bar – one out of Bobby’s grasp, unfortunately, but Orberg had never been in her control.  If it had, it would likely have been much easier for Bobby to help Shay get out just months before.

“Well, the things started five minutes ago.  We have to wait until the dipshit makes his speech – that’s our in.  I have one way in, one that I had Miri solidify for us last night.”

“Which way’s that?” Shay asked, not trusting of Bobby’s glib manner.

“The front door, of course!” Bobby grinned after taking a sip of the cider in front of her.

“Um… what?” Shay asked again, eyes flicking to Renn to see if she had any clue what their mutual friend was talking about.  The Spanish woman didn’t seem to know what she was talking about either, as she shrugged.  “Bobby?  You do realise that I worked at that place for five years, right?”

Bobby looked at her sharply.

“I lost contact with you for nearly all of that time, Shay, of course I know that.  Why do you think I had an escape route for you so well planned out when you _did_ contact me?”

Shay blushed and finished off her orange juice in one long gulp.

“At least tell me this crazy plan of yours involves some sort of sexy disguise,” she commented, looking back at Bobby.  The bespectacled woman grinned toothily.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“God damn it, Bobby, I asked for a sexy disguise, but I didn’t mean for _me_ to be the one _wearing_ it!” she snarled into the little microphone attached to the inside of her large biker’s helmet.  She got a reply through the earpiece she had been given.

 _“Were you hoping for something to ogle at, babe?  Tough luck, I’m the boss around here, I decide who wears what.”_   Despite the slightly rough and crackly quality of the sound, Bobby’s smile was still entirely evident.  Shay huffed, but steeled herself and walked through the revolving glass doors that she had tried so hard to escape.  The foyer was empty apart from a couple of security guards by the gate, one receptionist, and a cleaner.  Everyone else had gone to the gardens for the event being held there.

 _“Alright, head to the front desk.  The package in your hands in meant for Leekie, obviously.  And he’s busy, obviously.  But that’s okay, you know what to do,”_ came Bobby’s voice directly into her ear.

Shay nodded to herself, built up entirely in her leather and helmet, wishing she had a method to install some air conditioning in such a hot, heavy suit.  She was getting quite sweaty, and she hadn’t even driven in the damned thing for hours.

The woman at the desk was busy tapping away at her keyboard, but when Shay’s small yet imposing figure approached, she looked up, curiously.  Shay sighed with relief.  This was a new receptionist; she wouldn’t recognise her.

Shay placed her package on the desk and then carefully removed her helmet.  The receptionist watched her intently and seemed pleasantly surprised at what she saw.

“Good evening, ma’am,” she started, and plastered on her best winning grin, “package delivery,” she continued.

 _“Mmmmm,”_ Bobby interrupted in her ear, making her jump ever so slightly, _“I wonder what’s in your package, sweetie…”_   Bobby ignored her and tried to respond to the receptionist.

“It’s a quarter to eight in the evening, who is delivering parcels at this time of night?” she asked suspiciously.  

Shay sighed internally, but she really was getting so very sweaty.

“Well, ma’am, I work for a delivery company that’s based in Toronto, and I set off with plenty of time, but the traffic jam didn’t agree with my plans- hang on, just a moment, I’m dying of heat in this thing-” she mumbled, and then unzipped the top half of her leather jacket, trying to encourage the air flow to her chest by waving her hands.  She turned back to the receptionist.  “Would you believe it, I’ve had a demon of a day just trying to get here,” she commented, and thinking back to the amount of flirting that she had faced from Bobby’s leathered Amazons today, that wasn’t really a lie.  The receptionist’s eyes flicked to the ample cleavage that she was displaying, and Shay cursed mentally.  She pulled her helmet in front of her on the desk to cover the view.  “This was meant to get here a few hours ago…” she trailed off, waiting for the receptionist to comment.

“Well…” the receptionist started, her eyes dragging up the top of Shay that was on display to her, “who’s… the package meant for?”

“It’s for… oh shoot, lemme check the name,” she mumbled and fumbled around for the ridiculous little machine that Bobby had handed her before she had left.  She tapped a few buttons, turning the machine on as if she was actually checking, but gave up when it took to long.  She looked back to the receptionist.  “Doctor Ad-lous Leekie?” she asked, messing it up purposefully. 

Bobby sighed in her earpiece.

 _“And here I was, dreaming you would only share your package with me…”_   Shay visibly blushed, but the receptionist didn’t notice, as she was just giggling at her mistake.

“Ah, Doctor Leekie,” she repeated, not correcting her.  “Well, thank you very much, I will take it from here.  We’ll get it to him as soon as we can.  He’s hosting an event this evening,” she smiled and took the package from the desk in front of her.  Shay cursed and put a hand over the receptionist’s to stop it.

“Please, ma’am, be careful, this stuff is, like, really, really dangerously toxic.  I’m no scientist, but I was warned about its toxic nature when I was given the job, you know?” she tried to make it less awkward, but this needed to be handled with care, otherwise it would all set off before time.

“Oh!  Okay, I understand.  Does it need any special storage?” she asked, not moving her hand from beneath Shay’s.

“No, just move it slowly and don’t jostle it.  It should be good behind the desk, right?”

“Yes, that should be okay.  Now, do I have to sign anything?” she asked, and Shay nodded, fiddling with the little machine she had in her hand.

“Yeah, I have this thing, here…” she started but trailed off when she saw that she didn’t know what to do with it.

 _“Babe, there’s a little pen icon on the top left.  It isn’t that hard.”_   Shay rolled her eyes.  She clicked on the icon and handed the machine to the woman for her to sign it, and then tapped the desk with her fingers, making a lively tune on the wood.

The receptionist handed her the small machine back, and Shay grinned at her.  She picked up her helmet, put it back on, and then started to walk away back out of the foyer.

_“Go, click the bell icon, now!”_

Shay pressed the icon on the home screen, and then, just as she had been told, the package she had just left started beeping, getting progressively louder.  Shay sped up and slipped out of the glass door before anyone could call her back.  Once out of the door, she hurried around the corner.

“Have you got eyes on the foyer, babe?” she asked, the endearment slipping out of her mouth before she could stop it.  She cringed, but Bobby either didn’t notice it or knew that there was a time and a place.

 _“Yes, one security guard is helping the receptionist.  Wait a moment, not yet… they’re opening the package to try and turn it off… hang on, wait for it, the other guard is coming too, okay, three… two… one…  Press it, babe,”_ she ordered into Shay’s ear, and Shay pressed the small gas mask icon on the machine that Bobby had made, and then waited.

Three minutes later, half of Bobby’s Amazons rounded the corner, jogging up to her to meet her.  The Amazons were well armed, everyone carrying a gun and what appeared to be police batons.  Renn was leading them, and when she reached Shay, she was immediately on the job at hand.

“You’ve done it?”

“Yeah.  Are you ready to go?” she asked in return and looked at the Amazons behind Renn.  They nodded, all of them either smirking or outright grinning, although Shay was too preoccupied to work out why.  “Have you got the masks?” she asked, and Renn nodded.  A tall, dark-haired woman whom Shay knew was called Fern, came forward and handed her one, and then handed out the rest from a bag she was carrying.  When they were all ready, Renn called them to attention, and they headed off back into the building.  Shay lifted the machine in her hands up and pressed the button to stop the gas now.

The small canister of sleeping gas was more powerful than any of them had expected.  The gas filled the large foyer.  The cleaner had knocked over his bucket of dirty water and was lying with his back soaking in it.  Two of the Amazons, Scout and Hazel, hurried over and they began dragging him behind the front desk, where a few of the other Amazons were dragging all of the other sleeping people. 

“Take their phones.  Yeah, I think all of them, they’ll attract attention otherwise.”

When everyone was concealed, Renn called them to attention.  They gathered around, hushed whisperings sounding between them until they were finally silent.  Renn nodded at them all, and then she turned to look at Shay.  Shay looked back blankly for a second until she realised what was happening.

“Oh shit, yeah, I’m taking you to the office.  Right.”

She led them through the areas of the building she was used to being the least populated.  As there was an event on this evening, nobody seemed to have made the decision to work late – or, as Leekie was so good at doing, he made sure everyone was there to support the Institute.

They were relatively quiet as they walked through the building, the only noise coming from Shay as she occasionally responded to Bobby’s questions through her earpiece.

The plan was for them to meet after Shay had made sure that the coast was clear.  Bobby was currently conversing with the eyes she had on Leekie’s office.  They had found Delphine and Helena’s hideout due to the data from the tracker, and Bobby was updating Shay on the state of the office.

_“God damn, Shay, Delphine’s already there in the office!  You’d better hurry if you wanna help her, or she’ll attract attention.”_

“Is she okay?”

_“She’s not being the subtlest about looking – she’s not doing too badly, but she’s being too hasty about it.  How far away from the office are you?”_

“The building has three different wings.  The party is the furthest away from Leekie’s office, and we’re just about in the middle right now.  We won’t be too long,” she finished and led the Amazons in her team across a small hallway to a stairwell that would take her to the right floor. 

She was praying that nothing out of order would happen until they reached Delphine and were able to help her look for the cure.  Six extra pairs of eyes would be helpful, surely.

But, of course, she had been foolish to think that she would be able to lead a group of women through a building without being found by someone.

She supposed they were lucky, in that case, to only have been found by Helena.

She was just stepping through the door in the stairwell that led to the floor one level below that of Leekie’s office.

Shay and her entourage were taken by surprise, and matters were made worse when Helena pushed Shay back against the wall, pressing a small knife against her neck.

Renn made to pull her back and attack her in return but Shay knew that that would not help in any way.

“No!  Renn, it’s okay, let her talk.”

“You think to protect me little bug?  You will not see same protection from me,” she snarled and bared her teeth at her angrily.

“Helena, this is not what you think,” Shay started, but Helena pressed the knife against her harder.

“Do not tell me what I think, bug.  When I met you, I knew something was not right.  But even when I told you I would gut you like pig if you hurt my sestra, you left her anyway,” she continued, her eyes digging holes in Shay’s face.

_“Shay, do you need help?”_

“Helena, I know it was dumb, but that’s why I’m here now – we are _all_ here to protect Delphine and help Cosima – you too, so please, you can gut me like a fish if you want, but only _after_ we have got the cure back to Cosima, okay?”

The blade against Shay’s neck was warming from the heat of her body, but it still felt just as terrifying.  After a few moments in which everything froze, Helena finally relented, nodding.

 _“Shit!  Shay, Leekie and some other man have just got into the office… Delphine is hidden at the moment, but you’ve got to get there_ now! _”_

Shay swore and repeated the news to everyone in the stairwell.  They moved quickly then and hurried up one more floor.  The door opened slowly, and in the time it took to open, a crash of a door being smacked open and a rush of footsteps was loud enough to travel up to them.  Shay shot a dirty, accusatory look at Helena, but led everyone through the door as quickly as she could.  Once everyone else was through, Shay and Helena slipped in and pulled it shut behind them, holding onto the handle before the footsteps that were drawing closer were near enough to stop its progress.  Shay and Helena clutched onto the handle together, and a second later, an almighty pull on the other side nearly pulled their arms out of the sockets.  Bobby’s calls through her earpiece had to go unanswered for the moment.  Another pair of hands smacked against the door, demanding it be opened.  Shay looked at Helena angrily.

“How many guards are following you, Helena?” she grunted as she pulled harder on the handle when it opened a tiny amount.

Helena managed to look sheepish enough at the same time as clinging onto the door handle for dear life.

“I did not have time to count.  I think maybe five at most…”

Shay growled angrily, but before she had time to respond, Renn called out to her and came back with a cleaner’s mop.  Shay nodded and the ginger woman slotted it through the handle, holding it against the wall at the other side.  Before they even had another chance to decide how to keep it secure, the banging and pulling from the other side stopped.  Shay dared not give up her vice like grip of the handle, lest they begin their attack with a renewed vigour to surprise them, and neither did Helena, but a whole minute passed, and nothing else happened.

Shay looked closely at Helena.

“Why were they following you, Helena?”

Helena looked at the floor and mumbled something about mini food plates and Frisbees, but Shay decided it wasn’t worth asking her anything more about it, and simply shook her head and turned back to the Amazons, who were checking the offices around them to check that they were empty.

There had been one cleaner that Renn had taken out with a quick blow to the back of the head, which made Shay grimace, but nothing could be done about it now.

_“Shay!  Another man came in.  He’s dead.  Delphine is still hiding.  Where are you?  What’s happening?”_

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Bobby!  These updates are all well and good, but what are you doing right now?  Don’t forget your part of the plan!  Is Delphine still hidden?”

_“I’m nearly done.  Yes, my girl can see her from the hideout but no one seems to know she’s there.  Please, hurry Shay, your little Cosima won’t do too well if her girlfriend dies and she doesn’t even get a cure.  That’s two people dead that don’t need to die, so get your ass moving!”_

Shay nodded, and then called everyone to gather up and get moving again.  They were off walking down the hall again, when a group of seven men in suits charged around a corner and barrelled into them, knocking all of them to the floor, the security guards tripping over the women, making a heap on the floor.

When they were all up again, it didn’t take long for everything to start coming to blows. 

The women were up first and didn’t give the men a chance to get up before they were attacking them with their batons.

One guard came straight for Shay and she smirked.  This guy didn’t know what was awaiting him.  Other sparring pairs surrounded them, but Shay would deal with him first.

He lunged at her, a fist coming directly towards her head, but she stepped aside easily, and he barrelled right past her with the momentum of his punch, making him fall over face first.  He moved to get up but Shay shot a boot to his head before he could, making him fall to his side.  Again, he recovered quickly and managed to get up before Shay could kick him down again.

He snarled at her and tried to jab at her with his left hand but Shay ducked and then punched him hard in the stomach, causing him to bend over forward, winded, and she slipped aside so that she could take her opportunity and booted him in the head again with her foot, hitting the side of his face with a crunch. 

He was massive compared to her, but the speed was where she claimed the advantage.  He kept attempting to floor her with the force of his attacks, but Shay was too quick for them.  She simply needed to continually dodge the attacks; if she got caught by one, it would hurt her a lot more than she was hurting him, but she had been trained in combat for just this purpose: to fight against anyone, and _win_.

He seemed to realise that he was no match for her, and then his hand went straight to his belt, where Shay saw a small taser attached to it.  She sighed internally and caught his arm before he could reach anywhere near it and twisted it around making him fall to his knees.  She stepped behind him and then kicked his back so that he landed with a loud _oof_ on his front.

Stumbling up onto his knees as she crossed to the front of him again, he looked at her, boot print on the side of his face and nose gushing blood, and seemed to try another tactic in coming at her: after getting up, he attempted to kick her, but he was neither flexible nor quick, and Shay almost laughed as she caught his leg and yanked it up as hard as she could with her small frame, but it was enough; he fell down yet again, but still he was not finished.  He stood up with a very sore leg, limping towards her as she teased him by stepping backwards into some free space.

She caught Helena’s eyes who was looking at her curiously, having defeated her opponent within seconds and seemed to be content watching her, and the Ukrainian opened her mouth to speak.

“Do not play with food,” she smirked, and Shay grinned in response.  She looked at the oncoming guard, balled her fist up bracing it for impact, and smashed it against the man’s temple, watching as he crumpled in front of her. 

She glanced around to see that all of the guards were on the floor, all breathing but there was _a lot_ of blood, including some from the noses and mouths of a few Amazons.

She looked at Helena over the man at her feet.

“But it’s so much more fun to play with it,” she started but was interrupted by a voice from behind her.

“The only person you had better play with is me, honey.”

Shay spun around to see Bobby with another woman at her side, but she didn’t care about her; she hurried up to the bespectacled woman and enveloped her in a tight hug.  Bobby continued whispering in her ear during their embrace.  “And you know the best thing?” she murmured lowly and waited for Shay to hum in response.  “You get to eat me afterwards,” and Shay turned bright red with embarrassment, even though she was pretty sure no one else had heard, as they were greeting the woman who had arrived next to Bobby.

“Quick, we’ve gotta go, we need to get Delphine out of there before she’s found,” she started, but a frown darkened her face when she got a beep from one of her various handheld transceivers on her belt and an incoming message that Shay couldn’t even begin to discern.  She swore aloud and then turned to the group.  “Two dead, but a woman’s come in.  Delphine’s revealed herself.  Ermm…” she listened to more of the message coming in.  “Oh dear God, she’s got a gun out.”

Shay bit the inside of her cheek.

“Who’s the woman?” she asked, an idea forming in her mind.

From the garbled vowels and consonants coming through to them, Bobby translated a surprising amount.

“Blonde.  White suit.  White everything it seems.  She knows Aldous, obviously.  Unarmed- we think.”

“Hey!” Shay called out and turned to the mess of bodies behind her.  She picked up the phone from the guard she had felled herself and then typed in the number from memory.  She turned to Renn and ran them all through the plan as quickly as she could.  Nodding, the Spanish woman took the phone from her hand and called the number she had typed in.

It picked up after a moment.

Renn’s voice changed when she spoke, deeper, and quite convincingly masculine.

“Hello Ma’am, this is security … We have located a woman who was intruding on the premises…  Yes, ma’am, she snuck in under the guise of a... waitress, I think, ma’am?  We will keep her in the secure room for you to sanction what should be done with her before we remove her...  I do not have the jurisdiction, ma’am, and I am not trained to use the books, ma’am…  No ma’am, I wouldn’t know what to do, ma’am, I’ve only ever taken intruders to the room, ma’am, we need you to go through the process…” Renn trailed off and waited for a response.  She let out a breath of relief when she got the answer she needed.

She nodded at Shay and the smaller woman waved an arm, and she, Booby, and four Amazons hurried down the hallway to the corner that Shay knew she would take to get to the security guards’ safe room, having been taken there herself just once before: it had not been a pleasant experience, nor one she wished to repeat.  The others stayed behind to hide the mess they had created, once again.

She stationed two Amazons either side of the single doorway, and Bobby and Shay split up too, opposite each other. 

Shay knew Rachel Duncan, although she wished she didn’t.  She had worked here long enough in the past five years to become quite familiar with the woman, and not in a good way.

The woman in question stalked through the doorway only a couple of minutes later, looking entirely crazed – her eyes were wide and she was stumbling on her heels slightly. 

She was tackled to the ground the moment she walked through the door, taken quite fantastically – and humorously – by surprise, flattened against the floor under six women.

One hand circling Rachel’s neck, Shay took the lead.

“What happened in there?” she growled, and Rachel took a moment to adjust to her situation, and another to recognise Shay.

“Davydov…  I wondered when you’d show your scrawny little face again… I’ve had enough trouble trying to kill you…” she groaned, her face turning red when Shay pressed down too hard on her windpipe.

“What do you mean you tried to kill me?” she tested, pushing a little harder on the woman’s windpipe, making her eyes bulge.  When she nearly suffocated, Shay relented and slackened the pressure, allowing the woman a chance to breathe again.

“I _mean_ … that I tried to _kill_ you…” she rasped, “you and the delightful Doctor Cormier, that is,” she started, and a few cogs began to turn in Shay’s mind.

“You mean that-” she spluttered, “You mean that it was _you_ that sent the hitmen after me?  The other car that crashed with Delphine’s car?  That was _you?_   And… not Leekie?”

“Leekie is a foolish, sentimental man.  He refused to try and kill Delphine, but he is unable to see the threat that she poses to him… right now, in fact, I am sure he would still refuse to kill her-” she gagged as Shay applied more pressure.  “She’s- she’s- in there- with him now!” she forced out, and Shay frowned.

“Is he armed?  _Do you know if he’s armed, Duncan?_ ” she growled, and the woman beneath her started laughing, making all of the women restraining her shake when she did.

“I don’t know!  How would I know?” she breathed out, almost not voice to her words.  Shay relaxed her grip again, not wanting to kill her… yet.

“What’s going on in there now?” Shay demanded, and when Rachel started squirming, the woman pressed down on her together to keep her still.  “ _What’s going on in there?”_ she spat, making Rachel cringe with disgust.

“She’s the one with the gun, come to your own conclusions, you foetid oaf!”

At that moment, two shots went off from the room that Rachel had just left… the one Delphine was in at that very moment.  They were closer to the room here.  Shay swore under her breath and quickly rose.  She clicked a finger at Bobby, who whistled with her fingers, bringing the remaining Amazons, Renn, and Helena to them in a run.  Shay pointed at Rachel, but without waiting to see what else they did, she hurried off down the hallway.  _If that fool’s got herself shot…_  Cosima would never forgive her.  More than that, she would never forgive herself.  She had betrayed Delphine once… she didn’t want to do it again.

She rounded the corner, Helena hot on her heels, and bumped straight into a massive man with a bald head and olive skin who seemed to be heading to Leekie’s office too, having come from a different hallway.  He took a single look at them and considered them enough of a threat to attack them immediately, swiping at them both in a wide arc with a sharp blade.  Helena took care of that quickly, stealing his knife from his hand, then jumping up onto his back and slitting his throat immediately.  Shay swore and had to swerve to avoid the projectile splurges of blood. 

She looked despairingly at Helena, who watched the man drop with a look of pure satisfaction on her face. 

“Was that really necessary, Helena?” she reprimanded, feeling ever so slightly sick at what had just transpired – in such a short space of time.  “I _know_ you have a knife of your own.”

“Yes, but it is more fun this way,” Helena retorted, a cheeky grin plastered on her face.

Two more shots sounded and Shay swore again, remembering that she had to help Delphine, but Bobby’s voice came through in her earpiece again, halting her.

 _“Babe… we need to give Delphine this.  She’s fine, she isn’t hurt…  Guard the office, don’t let anyone past, I’ll be with you soon- as soon as I’ve sorted out this piece of shit.  Look after yourself, but don't let anyone in there,”_ Bobby spoke softly, and Shay bit the inside of her cheek.  She quickly relayed the information to Helena, who grinned at the job she had been given.

They were joined a few seconds later by the original Amazons and Renn, and the woman who had joined them later on with Bobby.

Leekie’s office was at the end of a hallway and part of a whole corridor of its own, and so they simply guarded the on door in the main corridor.  It was one minute later when they heard two more shots.  Shay was worrying that either Delphine was a _really_ bad shot... or something very gruesome was going on in that office.  She was almost grateful that he hadn’t managed to get to the office in time to see anything. 

Those two shots called the attention of a couple more guards, but they were taken down easily.  Renn saw them coming, lifted up both hands and shot them both with tasers, leaving them weak on the floor.  Then, two of the Amazons, Hazel and a woman who went solely by ‘D’, stepped forward, took a writhing man each, and knocked them out with one strike of their batons.

They dragged them off, sitting them up against the wall to the far end of the hallway.  Smiling at their efficient work, they returned to the main group. 

From there, it was a waiting game.


	44. Adaptation From Alteration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I cannot begin to apologise for the whole month that has passed since my last update. My only excuse is that I have been surprisingly busy getting naked onstage in theatres, travelling overseas, and flirting with American women as hard as my game allows. Ridiculous, right? But yes, I'm in the New World! I'm in Seattle until October; things are pretty busy!  
> I have finally finished the next chapter, after a ridiculously long break! Many apologies for leaving y'all hanging, but here you go. Also, forthcoming updates won't take as long as this, but until I get back to London they won't be as often as they were, either!  
> My thanks to SaveDelphine for having the patience of a saint and improving my work.
> 
> Love,  
> HermioneSpencer

There are times in which you push yourself so far, both mentally and physically, that you get yourself into a sort of overdrive state; a state in which all of your senses are so hyperactive  that your brain can’t keep up – and your brain itself is struggling to maintain its own equilibrium, so much so that it hardly matters what messages are being sent either way – nothing is working, and it is entirely overwhelming.

Delphine, stumbling to her knees as she left Leekie’s office, was currently in this situation: it was impossible for her to think.  Having breathed in the air of the corridor, as of yet untainted by the stench of blood, she had been unable to do anything but yield to gravity’s pull so that she was weeping on her knees, leaning a hand against the wall outside, throwing up the contents of her stomach all over the floor. 

The bag on her shoulder threatened to slip off, but she came to her senses in time and pulled it back up before it could do so.  The strap dug painfully into her neck, but Delphine only half noticed.  She was more preoccupied with the second bout of vomit that was pumping its way up and out of her mouth.  She leant her head against the wall again once she was done, and let out a shuddering breath combined with a warbling, weak groan.  Her jaw was shaking, but her head felt a little clearer.  The sickening mugginess from before had lessened slightly, and this allowed Delphine to breathe deeply, getting the oxygen she needed.

The oxygen allowed her to start thinking again, but this was arguably worse than being unable to do so.

She had just… murdered… the man who ran the Institute that she was currently throwing up in.  Helena was gone, she hadn’t followed the plan, she wasn’t here to meet Delphine like they had agreed she would be.  She had just threatened a woman who clearly had some high standing in the company, and now she was kneeling, prone, in a hallway, and someone was sure to come for her now.

 _I should have killed that bitch_ , Delphine growled to herself, but was then horrified at how truly awful such a thought was.  She was a doctor; she had dedicated her life to the protection and preservation of life, not the active destruction of it.  She felt sick.  Indeed, she vomited again.

She brought her free hand up to wipe the sticky sweat from her forehead but recoiled from the hand in horror when she saw that she was still holding the gun.  A flash of red passed before her eyes and Delphine gasped, pressing the palm of her left hand against her eyes, not succeeding in helping with the pain and thumping in her brain.  She opened her eyes again, and looking at the gun in her hand, the image of her shooting Leekie’s already dead heart playing again in her mind, his blood pooling and splattering everywhere.  Delphine burst into tears, despite knowing that she remained here simply waiting for her capture.

 _“Désolée…”_ Delphine whispered through her tears, _“je suis désolée._ ”

A noise sounded from ahead of her, and still in a red haze, Delphine lifted the gun in her hands up to the door at the end of the hallway, aimed at the body she saw emerging from the doorway, and pulled the trigger of the gun.  Nothing happened.  The gun simply clicked, empty.  Delphine blinked rapidly, panicking, terrified.  The enemy was going to come for her now, and Cosima would die because she would be unable to get to her with the cure.

Her eyes flicked up to the person she had just attempted to shoot and made a sound akin to a gasp, but much raspier.  Shay was pressing her back against the wall next to the door she had just come through, looking at the gun in Delphine’s hands with fear in her eyes.

“What the _fuck_ , Delphine…?” she whispered, only just audible enough for the Frenchwoman to catch.

Delphine swallowed a bit of bile that tried to escape, and slowly got up onto her feet once more.  She looked at the gun and then back at Shay.  She tried to speak, but she found that her throat was so dry that no sound came out.  Clearing her throat, she attempted again, the acidic taste of bile in her throat making her gag.  She walked towards Shay, lifting her head up and jutting her chin out, unsure of where she stood with this woman.

“The last time I saw you… you were unconscious in a hospital bed with a gunshot wound, close to death…” she started, but found her throat too dry to finish.  Shay noticed her silence and spoke slowly.

“Cosima… she wanted to follow you… I went with her, Delphine.”

The Frenchwoman narrowed her eyes at her angrily.

“Then- then why did you send someone to follow Helena and me if you were already doing that?  I- I don’t know what to think… Shay… do you see that?  Were you… trying to help, or did you- did you actually realise that I’d run out of your grasp, so you tried to finish the job you were _really_ sent out to do – eliminate me, or- or- or ruin Cosima’s chance for survival?  I don’t know, Shay, but now you’re _here_ , at the Institute, after all the trouble you went through to get away from it, and I still don’t know what to make of it!  What am I supposed to take from it, Shay?  Is Cosima dead?  Did _you_ kill her?  Why are you here?  Whose side are you on?”  Delphine was now standing immediately in front of the smaller woman, the death in her eyes making Shay turn a ghostly white from fear.  Delphine supposed that the blood painting her skin helped with the intimidation, too.

Shay slowly raised her hands up in what Delphine guessed was intended to be in a placating manner.  Delphine tensed when she spoke, but she let the woman talk.  The gun was empty, but she could still use it to hit with – she just had.

“Delphine- I’m- I’m on your side- I absolutely am!  I-” she took a step forward, but Delphine raised the gun up above her head and Shay stepped back immediately, flinching and holding her arms around her head for protection.  “Holy fuck, Delphine,” she gasped from under her arms, “take it easy!  What’s gotten into you?  I’m here to get you out safely!  I’m- I’m with Helena, and- and my friend- and- we have a plan, okay, Delphine?  We do, we do, and for God’s sake _will you just put the fucking gun down?_ ”  Delphine frowned, but after a moment’s consideration, she dropped it, and it clattered to the floor.  Shay moved slowly, uncurling her body.  She took one look at the gun and kicked it down the hallway, knocking it against the door to Leekie’s office.  “I don’t care what happened in there – and by the looks of you, it was something crazy, but we have a common goal, and that is to keep Cosima alive.  The only way we can do that is by getting the cure out of here and to _her_ , and I am hoping against hope that that is what you’re carrying with you right now.  Am I right?”  The hopeful look on her face was the one thing that convinced Delphine, and she nodded slowly.  Shay let out a sigh of relief.  “Is it intact?” she asked, and Delphine nodded again.  “Good, then I say, let’s get the fuck out of this shithole.”  She held out a hand to Delphine, who hesitantly took it. 

Shay led her out into a scene that shocked Delphine into full awareness.  She glared sideways at Shay and growled.

“I thought you said you were here with Helena and a _friend!_ ”  Shay grimaced apologetically.

“I _am_ … a friend… and another friend… and a few more friends…” she shrugged.  “I didn’t want you to hit me!”

Delphine snarled, but managed to get herself under control again.  She looked out at the sight of dozens of women armed and standing ready for a fight, along with an army of unconscious men, sat in a line against the wall.  Delphine gagged when she saw that a couple were actually dead, and there was no doubt in her mind about who was responsible.

Shay gripped onto her arm to stop her moving, and called out to a small woman with glasses who was deep in discussion with a ginger woman, a frown marring her forehead.

“Hey, Bobby!  Quick, we don’t have time to lose!”

The woman named Bobby looked up and swaggered up to them, seemingly nonchalant, despite the concern on her face not moments before.

“So you’re Bobby,” Delphine spat accusatorily.

“Introductions later, escape first,” she started, smirking slightly.  “Might wanna take those heels off, Lara Croft, there’s gonna be some running ahead.”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Unhappily barefoot, Delphine was unsure of just how she and Helena had lost control of their plan so fantastically.  Bobby had split them all up into three groups, Shay, Renn and Bobby leading each one.  Delphine and Helena were with Bobby, and together the three of them were running down a hallway that headed to a very small courtyard where they would find the right fire door that would take them straight out of the building from the west wing.  It was far removed from the party, but still they all knew that the building would be on high alert with Leekie missing for so long and nearly the whole guard staff absent.

The bag had continually bumped against Delphine’s hip as she ran, and not wanting to damage the contents, she had gathered it up into her arms, trying as hard as she could to run smoothly – but that was difficult when her breathing was as ragged as it was, along with the need for haste in leaving the building.

When the three of them came up to the door that Delphine confirmed led to the right courtyard, Bobby stopped a moment to let them all catch their breath.  Delphine adjusted her hold on the bag, hitching it up and tightening her grip.  When she looked up, Helena was whispering in Bobby’s ear, but the bespectacled woman brushed her away.  She used her hand to demonstrate the route that they were to go in around the courtyard, indicating that they go left after exiting the door.  She held up her hand and silently counted down from five.  Gently, she pushed the door open.

The courtyard was dark – not a single light was on, which set Delphine on edge, but she was too preoccupied with making sure that the bag was safe in her arms to worry about why the lights hadn’t been turned on.

She led the way around the courtyard, going around the main patio in a wide arc, sticking to the cover of shadow in case some guests from the party had found their way here or they had been followed by anyone.

They got about halfway through the prospective journey when Delphine heard a small buzzing sound that pricked up her ears.  She froze, making Bobby and Helena stop in turn, but before she could tell them what was wrong, a floodlight turned on from the middle of the courtyard, a light so bright it rendered the three fugitives blind.  Delphine brought a hand up to shield her eyes from the light, her heart falling, knowing they’d been found.

This despair was replaced with anger when she heard the voice that rang out loud and clear throughout the courtyard.

“If you move, we shoot the satchel.”  Delphine looked down at the bag and then held onto it more tightly, clinging on as if it were the only thing keeping her alive.  She supposed that, indirectly, it could be.  She heard the clicks of at least five guns, which she guessed were now trained on the bag, and secondarily, her.

Footsteps sounded, and a moment later, the outline of Rachel Duncan stood in front of the light, casting a shadow that stretched out ahead of her like prying fingers reaching for the bag.  “Do not make the mistake of believing that we won’t.  The discordance between our aims is certainly dangerous enough to spark a fire, as we know.  Do not tempt the looming destruction of everything we all have worked for over the past few years.  If you want to save your little doctor, I suggest you put the satchel on the ground now, Cormier.”

The black shape of Rachel Duncan clicked her fingers and indicated to the floor.  This did nothing but incense Delphine and she opened her mouth to shout back, but Bobby stopped her by pushing her shoulder back.  She murmured in Delphine’s ear.

“Leave the one-liners to me, sunshine.  I’m allowed to get shot, but you have places to be after this, alright?”  She pushed Delphine back a few steps so that she was very close to the wall of the courtyard.  Bobby turned her head back to Rachel’s looming shadow and took a small step forward, hands up above her head in surrender.

“Do you get tied up often, Duncan?”

The head of Rachel’s outline twitched a little, clearly surprised at the question.  Bobby didn’t give her the time to respond.  “‘Cos you sure are good at wriggling out of knots, if you catch my drift.”

Rachel cleared her throat before she answered.

“Perhaps you overestimated your skill at tying the aforementioned knots.  I don’t suppose anyone ever taught you how to tie a clove hitch.”

“Oh that’s hardly important, Duncan, when simply being tied up makes your _breath_ hitch.”  Delphine couldn’t help but snort, despite the situation they were in.

“You’re stalling.  Cormier, put the satchel on the ground, two feet in front of where you stand now.”

Delphine, strengthened by Bobby’s jibes, looked at Helena and raised an eyebrow in question.  The Ukrainian shook her head almost imperceptibly, and Bobby whispered so quietly that Delphine was unsure whether she had actually heard anything at all.  She listened carefully and let the words repeat over and over in her mind, making sense of them.  She squared her jaw and spoke out to Rachel.

“I think you should come and get it off me yourself, Duncan.  Maybe we can negotiate which body parts I’m going to shoot first,” she smirked, and Helena let out her guttural laugh, causing Rachel to turn towards the frizzy-haired woman.

“And you, Helena… the _sister_ …” she seemed to spit out the word, “you are here for Doctor Niehaus, are you not?” Helena narrowed her eyes at the woman addressing here.

“I am here to save the pretty hairs on her head, yes.”

“We can bring your sister here for treatment, Helena.  She will be safe in our care, do you understand that?”  Delphine growled again.

“The only thing we understand is how hard we have had to work to stay alive in the face of such ardent hunting!  None of us can believe you when you say you’ll cure her when Leekie had Topside burnt to the ground with the aim of burning her with the building.  We will not give you the satchel willingly; you’re going to have to come and get it yourself, Duncan.”

Rachel seemed to consider it for a long time.  After a long break of silence, she moved a hand and two guards joined her side, armed with _very_ big guns.  They flanked her as she neared them, and she was halfway between the floodlight and the three escapees when Helena smashed her hand into her own fist with a grunt.  She grinned, lifted up her palm, and showed everyone what was in it.  There was a small strap around her hand that held a large chunk of plastic to her hand, a large chunk of plastic with a very clear button on it.

“Ding Dong…” she grinned at Rachel, “the wicked witch is dead.”

And at that moment, the patio blew up, explosives hidden in nearly every nook and cranny all over the patio, save for the small area in which the three women stood, all going off and making everything catch fire, their faces lit up by a source that was now bright orange, red, yellow, at parts blue and white. 

After the ringing in her ears subsided, Delphine called out to the other two to get them to move again, seeing that the fire that now engulfed the courtyard was heading rapidly to the gate they needed to leave by.

They hurried across the courtyard, but the heat was quite overwhelming.  Delphine yanked at the gate, but it wouldn’t open.  Panicked, she looked behind her at the two women and shook her head.

“We’re gonna have to climb it!” she cried out over the crackling of the flames and the explosions that were staggered for maximum effect.  Helena and Bobby nodded, and together, they began to help each other up.  They got Helena onto the wall first and she perched herself on top to pull Bobby up and over the gate.  Helena reached down for Delphine, who handed her the satchel and then caught the Ukrainian’s hand in her right one, then used her left to aid in her climb.  When she got to the top of the gate, another explosion went off, but before she could pull her leg out of the way, a burning piece of _something_ headed straight for her foot and scorched her skin, making her cry out.

The way down was harder with her burnt foot, but Helena helped her, handing her back the satchel when they were both on the other side of the gate.

As the three of them hurried to the meeting point where they would wait for the others, or where they would be met, Delphine limped along leaning on Helena’s shoulder with her wounded foot.

“Helena, I thought you told me that you promised Cosima you wouldn’t burn DYAD down,” she asked, wincing through the pain.

“I did not burn DYAD, Del-fin.  I burnt small garden.  Shay will burn DYAD, sestra, not me.”

“What?” Delphine asked, panicked.  She looked back at DYAD, but there was just a small orange glow from the courtyard.  They were at the end of the road, very far from the building, but Delphine cold clearly see that nothing was burni-

With a terrible sense of déjà vu, Delphine watched as the building blew up right in front of her eyes, raining molten building on the ground below. 


	45. La Douleur Exquise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Well. Undoubtedly, I have been very busy since the last update! I've met some fantastic people, but I can't ever go long without needing to write something down, so here I am. I hope you enjoy this chapter - or, at least, feel something from it.
> 
> The songs I listened to on repeat when writing this chapter are listed. You don't need to listen to them to get the tone of the chapter, but they are all really good, for sure, and helped me find the words I was looking for.
> 
> So Long, Lonesome - Explosions in the Sky  
> I Won't Lie - Michael Kiwanuka  
> Shine on You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd  
> My Body - Young The Giant  
> One Step Closer - Linkin Park  
> Breaking My Own Heart - Duffy  
> Indian Summer - Jai Wolf  
> She Burns - Foy Vance
> 
> Sorry about the music dump, but sometimes emotion does that to ya!
> 
> Love,  
> Hermes

Cosima jolted awake, but her body was so weak that the jolt was more of a twitch than anything else.  She gasped with the shock of being awoken and this, unsurprisingly, led to a desperate fit of coughs that had the brunette believing that she was going to die.  The fear had grown boring now; the close brushes with death were so commonplace that she was hardly scared anymore.

A figure approached her bedside, but having taken her glasses off for sleep and being entirely unable to move her head to the side, she could merely go by assumption that Art was the one who had come to help her.  Not that he could do anything, though.

She groaned when she was lifted up and then replaced on a larger pile of pillows so that she was sitting up.  Everything ached, and the new position was quite uncomfortable, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell Art, knowing that he would only try to fix it and cause more fuss than a little discomfort was worth.

She coughed a little more, but she couldn’t raise her hand to her mouth to catch the blood, and she felt it drip down her chin from her mouth.  She wanted to cry at the sad joke she had become, but even that felt like too much bother.

“Hey, hey, Cosima,” she recognised Art’s voice, “are you okay?  What can I do?  What do you need?” he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing it slightly.

Groggily, she swivelled her eyes up to the vague shape of Art.  She smiled weakly.

“A cure would be pretty nice,” she started, “on the rocks.  It’s stuffy as hell in here-” but she was cut off by a terse _tsk_ from Art.

“Very funny, Cosima,” he started, and he looked at her frowning.  “Are you hungry?”

“Not hungry, no.  A little thirsty, maybe.”

Art nodded, and reached behind him to get a bottle of water that he had picked up a couple of hours ago.  He attempted to help Cosima drink it by holding the bottle for her, but she swatted him away in annoyance.  She would never have had the strength to swat him properly, but at least Art understood the message.  He handed her the bottle, sighing, and moved away, probably internally beating himself up over his medical incompetence.  Cosima felt bad, but at the same time, she refused to be treated like an invalid. 

Without a doubt, she knew she was one.

But it was the principle of things.

She dropped the bottle after two small sips.

The cold water soaked into her bedclothes and she started shivering.  _It’s got to that point, hasn’t it?_ she thought to herself, watching as the water poured silently out of the bottle and onto her bed, her clothes, her skin.  _That point where you wonder why you’re bothering._

“You know exactly why you’re bothering, _ma chérie,_ ” said a voice in the doorway, and Cosima turned her head sluggishly to identify the owner, even though she still recognised it – even on her deathbed. 

“Do I?” she asked, wondering how Delphine couldn’t see the pointlessness of it all.

“Do you what?” Art asked, looking at her confusedly, only then noticing the spilt water.  He hurried back over to her, grabbing a towel from the bathroom on the way, drying up the water that was drenching her now.

“Do I even have a chance anymore?  Look at what I’ve become, Delphine…”

“Delphine?  What?” Art asked again.  He looked behind him at the doorway, but seeing nothing, he regarded Cosima critically.  The woman in question walked over towards her gracefully, almost gliding with how smoothly she travelled over to the other side of the bed, towards the small woman lying there.

“My love… what do you mean what you have become?” she asked, shaking her head ever so slightly.

Cosima almost snorted derisively – she certainly would have if she had been able to breathe after doing so.

“Look at me Del…” she giggled slightly, rolling her eyes in Art’s direction, “I know it… I know that I’m dying.”

Art gaped at her, his attempts at drying her up momentarily stilled, unsure of what he was witnessing.  He put a hand on the top of his head, feeling his hair.  There wasn’t really anything else he could do.  He looked around the room again, turning in a circle, as if trying to make sure that he really _was_ the only other person there.  Delphine, on the other hand, bit her lip, and clutched onto the dreadlocked woman’s hand as tightly as she dared.

“And whilst you do that… I am chasing your cure, right now.  And I am going to bring it here, to you,” she smiled, eyes crinkling, stroking Cosima’s cheek, “to make sure that you _don’t_ die.”

“I guess,” Cosima groaned, lifting a hand to her forehead, feeling the heat scorch her already-hot palm, “but if I’m honest with you, babe, I get the distinct feeling that you’re gonna be just a little late, if this encounter is anything to go by.”

Delphine hushed her, almost as if she were frustrated.

“I refuse to let you leave me, Cosima.  In return, I will never leave _you_ ,” she hummed, kissing Cosima a moment later.  The bespectacled woman let herself be kissed but didn’t have the strength to reciprocate.  When she was freed again, she spoke softly, eyes closed.

“That’s the thing, Delphine…  You already left me.”

When she opened her eyes again, Delphine was gone, and all she could see was Art’s vague shape, his mouth open wide, moving quickly.  He looked as if he was shouting…

_Huh… that’s strange...  I can’t hear a thing._

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Delphine assured Bobby that the burn on her foot looked worse than it actually was, but even though the smaller woman could hardly call herself a doctor, she didn’t believe the Frenchwoman one bit.  Not even when she thanked Helena for offering her hand to deal with the pain but she was _“perfectly fine, thank you, ‘elena.”_

As Delphine led her through the steps for cooling it and trying to prevent as much damage as was possible (although it was arguably too late for that), Bobby could practically hear the internal screaming coming from the doctor.  She could certainly see her jaw popping as she gritted her teeth from the pain - that must have been intense.  Just looking at it was making Bobby want to gag.

A real doctor – Shay, Bobby supposed – would have to treat it properly later, but her group hadn’t got back yet.  Renn was here with half of the Amazons.  They had arrived at this meeting point before them and were waiting for everyone else.  The fact that Shay’s group was twenty minutes late was worrying at best.  At worst… Bobby couldn’t even think about it.  She tried to think of something else, but all she could do was look at this burn she was attempting to bandage up.  It was hardly helping her feel any better.  Delphine seemed to sense this.  Bobby would have guessed that she was trying to help.

“What is this place?” the Frenchwoman asked, despite the answer being slightly obvious.  Bobby, not feeling the most talkative at the moment, accidentally pulled too hard on the bandage she had found in the slightly outdated first aid kit in a little cupboard.  Bobby muttered an apology and then squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, schooling herself.

“It’s a warehouse,” she stated.  Knowing that her answer had been entirely unhelpful, she shook her head with a small smile and looked Delphine in the eye when she spoke next.  “I hired it for this Great Adventure.  Figured we’d need a place to regroup.  I used one of my many fake identities.  This time…” Bobby laughed and shuffled on the crate upon which she sat, “I am a fifty year old fisherman from Ottawa.”

Delphine nodded in understanding but then hissed in pain as Bobby pressed too hard on her foot unintentionally.

“Please, Bobby, your hands are about as gentle as a raging bull!” she groaned in pain and Bobby swore under her breath again.

“Come on, Meredith, I’m doing my best.  Gimme a fucking break, jeez…” she mumbled to herself, but she did make a conscious effort to wrap the bandage more gently around Delphine’s foot.

“Sorry…” Delphine said softly. 

“I know, I know, you wanna be on the move to get back to your hippie princess, I get it.  But we can’t leave until Shay and her group get back – she needs to take a look at this before you go anywhere,” she added quickly onto the end, but she knew that she hadn’t hidden anything from the woman beside her.  Bobby worked in silence until Delphine spoke up again.

“Thank you.  You didn’t have to help but you’ve done more than any of us-”

“Stop,” Bobby interrupted, grimacing.  “I know I have.  But I didn’t do it for you and certainly not for Cosima.  I’m just here to make sure the people I care about stay safe, alright?”  _Yeah, and look at what a great job you’re doing with that…_

Delphine smiled ever so softly to herself.

“You love her, don’t you?”  Bobby’s eyes snapped up to the Frenchwoman’s.  She didn’t _need_ to roll her eyes, but for showmanship’s sake, she did anyway.

“Is it that obvious?” she asked, feeling her cheeks get ever so slightly warmer.

Delphine tilted her head as Bobby finished fastening the bandage around the burn.

“I haven’t known you long, but even when I knew _of_ you… moving heaven and earth for Shay was certainly evidence enough.  And, well, it’s easier to see when the women _we_ are in love with are both still in love with… each other.”

Bobby’s mouth flattened into a hard line.  She looked at Delphine’s foot, finding it more interesting than it had been a moment ago.

“…Hurts… doesn’t it?” she mumbled, sniffing loudly.  She remained focussed on the fabric of the bandage.

“Yes, most certainly,” Delphine huffed slightly.  “But… I think it is worse when you haven’t told her, _non?_   Does she know?  Of your love for her, I mean…”

Bobby cleared her throat, which suddenly felt very tight and stood up.  She moved a couple of steps over to the small kitchen area of the warehouse, next to which Renn had set up crates for Delphine to lay on as she led Bobby through treating her foot.  There was a small functioning sink and a musty bar of soap to the side that she used to start washing her hands.

“Years ago now, when we were really young and new into the force… well... Shay wasn’t ready.  She had joined thinking she would be giving something back, but… she was too young.  We both were, I suppose.  But…”  Bobby paused for a moment, thinking about what she was trying to say.  “She was impulsive – as she still is, but it was worse.  She wasn’t very good at following orders, and when we were working on a job in England she… she came very close to getting herself killed.”  She let the water run freely over her hands as she remembered the moment that she was recounting.  “She thought that she could take this one guy on herself.  We’d been given orders to leave, but she’d had to send back four of our team home in caskets already.  She was angry and so… she tracked him down.  He nearly killed her.  Thankfully for Shay, I’d already fallen head over heels for her, so I followed her.  I got there before he could kill her, but… it was a very near thing.”  The soap started to lather in her hands, but Bobby didn’t stop working it, remembering Shay’s near-to-death body she had carried through London’s sewers.  She remembered the rats and the pure filth that she had trudged through for miles, getting lost repeatedly and backing up over and over again.

“I got her out of trouble with our superior officer and nursed her back to health myself with my limited knowledge of healthcare.  We stayed in London for half a year until she was well enough to get back on the job, but… she grew more distant from me after that.  It was as if… me saving her life meant that she owed me for it, or something.  As if taking the blame for her mistake was a price I hadn’t been _willing_ to pay.  It was… too much for her, I guess.  Saving her, as I did.  I attempted to rekindle what we had before, but she didn’t want it.  She couldn’t separate the gratitude she felt for what I’d done, from her own feelings for me.”

Bobby looked at Delphine, who was listening intently, brows furrowed.  The smaller woman supposed she’d never heard this story before.

“Things got worse for me when she met Cosima.  There was nothing I could do, nothing at all to _stop_ that relationship from _ever_ forming,” Bobby spat as she worked the soap on her hands, rubbing them furiously, eyes burning, “because she’d already made it clear that _it wasn’t me_ she wanted.  She’d already refused my advances, and so there was _nothing_ I could offer her that would be better than what Cosima had!” she growled, furiously scrubbing her hands.  “Competition would never have worked.  It is _impossible_ to make yourself better than the exciting new love interest.  So I made myself _the good friend_ , the one who was there for her whenever she needed it, who helped her through every stage of their relationship because it was better for everyone.  Except me.”  Bobby felt the first tear escape, the single drop rolling down her cheek.  “It was the only way I could keep her by my side.  I told myself at first, ‘I can do this.  I can ignore how much it hurts; I can pretend I don’t _feel anything_ ,’ but it didn’t work, Delphine.  It got to a point in which it hurt so much to talk to her that I just wasn’t able to anymore.  She didn’t want me.  She wanted her.  And I… wanted to die.

“So I left the army, I left Shay and started my… Empire… so to speak.  I loved her from a distance, but it was hard to be civil to her.  It's a weird feeling to have the one person you love most in the world hurt you more than anyone else ever could.  I found it hard to continue being the friend that gave her everything.  And it was a mistake to run away from her… because that’s how I lost her to DYAD.  She was so… hell bent on saving Cosima and doing everything herself that we _both_ lost her.”

Bobby looked at Delphine again, who seemed to be having difficulty controlling her own tears, although Bobby knew she looked a darned sight worse.  “And you know, I can’t hate Cosima for being the object of Shay’s affection.  That’s just how it worked out; it could have been anyone.  But I _do_ hate her for offering whatever it is I didn’t have.”  Delphine bit her lip, nodding almost imperceptibly.  “I never want to meet her.  Being civil over a phone call was hard enough.  I wouldn’t manage to hold my tongue if I met her in person, but...” Bobby let out a long, shuddering breath and she dried her hands on a tiny hand towel on the side of the sink, “I have always done whatever it is that makes Shay happiest.  And she would never forgive me if I let Doctor Niehaus die.  So I am, yet again, shooting myself in the foot so that Shay gets what she needs from me, and I shall continue to do so until I am buried six feet in the ground, because I love her beyond anything else in this world.  If an alive Cosima Niehaus is what she needs to be happy, then I will fucking well give that to her.”

After a long minute of silence, Delphine wiped a tear from her eye and responded quietly – almost so quietly that Bobby couldn’t hear her.

“You are a better person than I could ever be.”

Bobby laughed bitterly.

“Love, dude.  It fucks up your life.”  It was Delphine’s turn to laugh at that.

“You are preaching to the converted.”  Bobby regarded Delphine critically for a moment and then stuck out her hand to the Frenchwoman.

“A pleasure to meet you, Delphine.  I hate your girlfriend.”  Delphine slowly stood up, favouring her burnt foot.  She took the proffered hand, shaking it.

“A pleasure to meet you, too, Bobby.  I hate the love of your life.”

They continued shaking each other’s hand until Delphine pulled Bobby into a hug, squeezing her tightly.  The bespectacled woman was surprised, but she returned it enthusiastically, united in their love and hate as they were.  “I am going to shout at her for blowing DYAD up and you are not going to stop me,” Delphine added.

“Fair enough,” Bobby sighed, and they pulled apart.  “Oh!  I have some spare clothes.  I’m sure you wanna get out of that dress.”

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to proposition me, Bobby.”

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to assume that I want anything to do with you, dear.”

Delphine smiled, and Bobby could tell that it was an honest one, finally.

“Here, let’s get those clothes.  We’ve got a long way back ahead of us.”

Bobby grinned this time, and only when she had let out a small laugh did she realise that her own had been her first honest smile for a very long time.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Shay finally arrived at the warehouse, fifty minutes later than the time Bobby had specified.  Delphine had watched her get steadily more aggravated in that time, so she had left well enough alone after changing into the clean, comfortable clothes.  Instead, she had spent some time making an inventory of the satchel with Helena, working out how they would transport it to Cosima at a speed fast enough whilst dealing with its bulky size and protective casings.

The moment Shay shoved open the warehouse door, leading in her group of Amazons, three of whom were carrying one other, Delphine grabbed the lacklustre first aid kit that the warehouse had to offer, and hurried to the side of the injured Amazon.  She only half-registered Bobby’s voice calling out, “Not the time for a freak show, ladies!  Breathing space is key in making sure you don’t smack the bastards who’re ogling your injured leg!” and only half heard the snort that came from Shay who knelt beside her, as she was already entirely focussed on the injured woman in front of her.

They worked quickly and silently, but the gash on the woman’s leg – a woman whose name she learnt was Ivy – wasn’t too deep, so it wasn’t long before they had cleaned it, stopped the bleeding and wrapped it up securely with the last of the remaining bandages.

Three other Amazons gently lifted Ivy up and manoeuvred her over to the makeshift bed that Renn had made with the crates for Delphine.  They added a few spare blankets to the creation, and Ivy was left to calm down with her sister by her side, who had been with Renn’s party arriving at the warehouse.

Delphine cleaned her hands thoroughly, dried them, and waited for Shay to do the same.  The smaller woman turned to her, possibly going to thank her for her help, but Delphine spoke first.

“Are you injured?”

Shay shook her head and moved to speak for the second time, but Delphine was too fast, again.  “Good.”  She lifted up her hand and smacked Shay as hard as she could, making her head snap to the side from the force of the contact.

The _slap_ resounded throughout the warehouse and everyone turned to look at where the sound had come from.  Bobby’s voice rang out as per usual, the source of such a loud voice stalking up to her.

“Hey, Frenchie!  You said you’d _shout_ at her, not slap the living bejesus out of her!”

“Yes, I lied by omission, because only _now_ am I going to shout at her,” she growled calmly, the control with which she spoke warning Bobby off.  She turned to Shay again, who was sporting a bloody lip.  She looked wide-eyed at Delphine, clearly confused, not to mention hurt.  Delphine decided to enlighten her.  She grew louder and more angered with every word she said.  “What the _fuck_ did you do, you _idiot!_   If there was _one thing_ we couldn’t do, it was blow DYAD up, and that was the _one thing_ you went and did!  How _stupid_ can you be?  Do you realise that thousands of women are going to die, due to your impulsive trigger finger?  We _needed_ those labs, because if you hadn’t realised, the assholes there decided to blow our ones up!  Now we have _nothing_ with which to save the women dying from the same illness that is killing Cosima...  I’ve looked in the satchel, Shay.  Do you know how many _prototype_ cures we have?  Hm?  Do you?  No, you don’t.  Let me tell you.  We have _four_.”  Delphine barked out a laugh, putting a hand to her forehead as she turned away from Shay, unable to bear the sight of her face.  She breathed in through her nose slowly, and turned back to Shay, speaking through gritted teeth.  “I hope you realise what you’ve signed up for…” she stepped closer to the smaller woman, eyes hard and jaw set, nose twitching ever so slightly.  “I look forward to watching _you_ decide which four women in the world receive this cure, because it sure as _hell_ is not going to be me who makes that choice.”

Delphine had a small moment of satisfaction as she watched the horror play out on Shay’s face, but the reality of the situation that faced them stopped it from feeling like an actual victory.

The smaller woman stuttered for a moment, opening and closing her mouth like a vacant goldfish.  Slowly she regained control of her words.

“Are you telling me that you actually thought you would be able to _negotiate_ with DYAD?  Seriously, Delphine?  You thought that _somehow_ , after the _shitstorm_ that has been created in the war between DYAD and Topside, after everything _we, ourselves_ have had to deal with from that corporate demon, we would still be able to come to a peaceful agreement?  They would _never_ have negotiated with us and you _know_ it!  You’re just trying to make a shitty situation seem even shittier and blame it on me!  We have four cures?  Fine!  _How_ is it my fault?  It’s not, Delphine.  And if DYAD was still standing, it would have people hunting those four cures down _right now_ , endangering our chances of saving _one_ person, let alone thousands!”

“You are simply excusing your behaviour-”

“ _Excusing my behaviour?_   When did you turn into my mother?  And may I even mention _your_ behaviour?”

“My behaviour?  Please, explain to me what my behaviour was, Shay!”

“You murdered a man, Delphine!”  The taller woman blinked in surprise, the image of Leekie’s bloody, dead body flashing before her eyes again.  “I mean, I understand why you did it, and I wholeheartedly support your decision to pop holes in his body, but how dare you- _how fucking dare you_ have the audacity to tell me that I was wrong to burn DYAD down!  And I don’t even hear you complaining about what happened to Rachel Duncan-”

“Because she had guns trained on us and had no qualms about using them, Shay!  She was going to kill us if we didn’t cooperate!  But the _building?_   The _building_ wasn’t going to fall on top of you and crush you before letting you get out, Shay, unless _you blew it up!_   You killed innocent people!”

Bobby stepped between Delphine and Shay, forcing some distance between them.  She spoke for Shay, standing with her hands up as if she were protecting the woman behind her.

“That’s not strictly true, Sunshine,” she started, the cockiness and superiority in her voice making Delphine snarl, but she raised her voice over the Frenchwoman, making sure her words were heard.  “ _We actually escorted the innocent guests out of the party before_ you arrived, all the way up to Leekie’s presentation!  The only people there by the time of the explosion were corrupt businesspeople and DYAD employees, no one honest!” she explained, as if this would help.

“Innocent guests?  Who decided who the innocent people were?  Who are we to decide who gets to live or die!  To- to- to _cherry pick_ the best of humanity is… it’s… impossible…” she trailed off.  “All of us… every single person alive has done something they are not proud of…”  Speaking softly and quietly now, she looked at Shay.  “Not a single person in the world is worthy of being saved more than another, Shay, and the people deciding who lives and who dies… they are the real scum.  Good luck with sharing out those four cures.  I want no part to play in this.”

Heart thumping in her chest, Delphine looked around the warehouse for Helena, and she shook her head as their eyes met.  She then closed her eyes in an attempt to fight off the headache that was plaguing her.  Turning back to the two women staring at her, she laughed bitterly again.  “I refuse to decide.  I refuse.”  She pointed at the satchel, making their eyes direct towards the blue bag.  “Be my guest.”

And with that, she turned around and limped to the large door of the warehouse, the thunder in her eyes stopping anyone from approaching her as she heaved it open and slipped outside into the cool, breezy air.  She limped along in jerking movements for about ten metres until she reached a fence of chicken wire, and she darted left, then sped up, groaning with the intense pain of putting weight on her burnt foot, and she felt ridiculous wearing only one shoe, but she didn’t stop until she was cut off by a motorbike screeching to a halt in front of her on the grass.

Helena offered her a helmet and Delphine took it, fastening it over her short brown hair with surprising ease.

“You have needle, yes?”

Delphine only nodded in response, and that seemed to be enough for the Ukrainian, who indicated she get on the motorbike behind her.  As Delphine did so, she told herself she was doing the right thing.  She touched a hand to the pocket of the jacket she was wearing, where a small tin canister held the fifth cure.

The attention on the four cures would cause enough hassle for anyone listening in to hang around in Orberg, which gave Delphine and Helena a small window of time to get back to Cosima unnoticed.

Yes, Delphine had decided that Cosima would live.  She already knew that she was scum of the earth, but she was saving a good woman, so maybe that made it okay. 

 


	46. "...What the Actual Fuck...?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five months after the events of the previous chapters, things have changed for our characters. Reality seems warped, a slight haze is misting over what we thought we knew, and a layer of dust obscures the truth we all believed in, just waiting for a soft breeze to enlighten us all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I am sorry. I am ever so sorry. I know it has been too long, and you have every right not to open the door unto me, but... well... all I can do is hope that you will.
> 
> Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, well wishings for everything I have missed thus far.
> 
> All my love and devotion to the bitter end,
> 
> HermioneSpencer

A sharp caustic smell pervaded the air.  It itched at Shay’s nose.  Unfortunately, she was unable to scratch it, due to the handcuffs that stayed her hands quite firmly to within an inch or so of the table.  An occasional, uncomfortable nose crinkle would have to suffice.  A scratchy, nasal voice scraped at her ear.  The experience was reminiscent of the scraping tool they use at burger bars, getting rid of surplus oil and broken bits of… burger.  _Everything_ about this voice was excess and unnecessary.

“If you don’t want to give me answers, that’s fine, I know plenty of people who would be willing to pull them out of you.  Is that what you want?”

“Are you threatening torture?” Shay was tired.  She had done this for too long.  Retorted so many times, spoken back to too many detectives, superintendents, and out of uniform people who were somehow mysterious without having any of the charm that actually comes with being mysterious.

“Mmmm, no.  I was merely alluding to colleagues I know who have greater persuasive skills than I claim to possess myself.  Are you interested?”

Contemplating her situation, Shay knew she was in a bit of a tight spot.

“Not interested in torture, no.  I _do_ want to talk, though.”  She had been _talking_ for a few months, now.

The detective sighed.

“Ms Davydov… things aren’t going to get any easier for you.  We arrested you for the murder of Drs Cosima Niehaus and Delphine Cormier, and that wasn’t because we thought we’d have a little tea party in this here investigation room and chat about your sad life.  We have evidence that links you directly to their disappearances.  Shall I show you the weight of our evidence?”  The detective did not wait for a response, promptly cracking her knuckles intimidatingly and getting down to business.  “We have the date of your departure from DYAD – we have spoken to your previous bosses, and we have been informed that this was not a sanctioned leave, nor did they know where you had gone.  Where _did_ you go, sprinting away from your place of work in such a hurry?  Aha… I can tell you for free that you arrived at Dr Niehaus’ Topside building just a few days later, when a massive explosion went off, obliterating _not only_ the offices of Dr Niehaus, but directly causing the death of 47 people who happened to be in the building and injuring 65 more.  From there, you go _back_ to DYAD’s roots and blow _that_ up too, along with your erstwhile boss Dr Leekie’s head, popping holes in him like some damned bull’s-eye practise.”  The detective’s eyes pierced into Shay’s, but the small blonde was untouched by their accusations. She had _nothing_ to be guilty of. Besides… some things…  “Let us not forget, Ms Davydov, that we have been unable to locate either body of the two women you specifically went to murder, and we believe you have hidden them with the intent to hide the crimes from the authorities.  Unfortunately for you, crime doesn’t fucking work that way, and you got caught.”  The detective with sharp, dark eyebrows slammed a folder on the table in front of Shay, making her jump.  She opened up the front leaf, revealing two pictures; headshots Shay remembered being shown on national television months ago when they started searching for the subjects in them.  One was a beautiful picture of Cosima, back before she had grown sick, clearly in happier times, shown by the wide grin that spread from cheek to cheek.  It made Shay’s heart twist with grief and not a little confusion.  The other was one of Delphine… blonde, curly-haired, bright-eyed and serious, but in no way unhappy.  Maybe professional was the way to put it.  Gosh, it had been so long…  Her reverie was brutally stopped by the detective getting very close to her and nearly spitting in her face with the force of her enunciation.

“So… when are you gonna put this country out of its fucking misery and tell us what you _did_ to these women?  What sort of messed up _fucker_ are you to hide it?”

Shay’s hands started to shake with a slow-burning rage, a soft building up inside of her that threatened to take over her whole body.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I was there to _tell_ them that it was going to happen? I left in such a hurry because I knew that they were in trouble!  I have a lot of respect for Cosima.  She went through a lot, and she dealt with it all like a trooper.  I loved her, and I would never have intended any harm upon her, and nor do I now!  I did not kill her, _or_ Delphine.  They were my friends. I knew I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had let either of them walk into that trap…”  Shay trailed off, no longer knowing what she was meant to say.  What tense does on use when one has no idea where the subject of the sentence is… or if they’re even alive?

The detective sat down again opposite her, twisting her thumbs violently as if it were the only thing restraining her from punching Shay in the face. She breathed in and out very slowly before speaking again.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you.  You have a military history, and you hated that Niehaus fell in love with someone that wasn’t you, so you killed her and everyone involved in her chance of hope – including Leekie, who was offering the merger between Topside and DYAD.  You _knew_ that it would be good for Cosima, and you couldn’t bear the idea of her living a full and happy life without you.”  Shay opened her mouth to retort, but was shut down again “Ah! No, I don’t want to hear anything more from you unless it’s a full confession.  Are you ready to give it to me yet?”

Shay resolutely shook her head, meeting the detective’s eyes without a hint of fear. _I have nothing to hide.  I did not kill Cosima, and I did not kill Delphine._ A tiny voice whispered menacingly in the back of her head in response to herself. _No, you just murdered a whole horde of progressive scientific thinkers like the cold-blooded killer you are…_

“Fuck you, Deangelis.  I know how illegal this conversation is, even if you don’t.  And if you even had any evidence, I’d be headed for a life sentence already.  The problem is, you’re just looking for someone to pin this on because you can’t be bothered to believe that Leekie was the whole fucking problem here - because you know it will eat up on your time meeting up with your toy boy you go home with most nights if you have to start your investigation from scratch again.  So let me tell you one more time in the hopes that you’ll leave me the fuck alone after this: I knew that Cosima and Delphine were in trouble, because Leekie and Delphine were sort-of-kind-of in cahoots together, but she decided to be good just at the end, and I was able to help Delphine get away from Leekie (not before she filled him with lead), and as soon as we were gone from that fucking party –and I _don’t know who blew it up -_  Delphine was gone, sped off on a fucking motorbike like Tom Cruise on cocaine with some plan in her mind, most likely to find Cosima because _I don’t fucking know where she went_.  All I can guess is that Leekie’s people got her pretty soon after we parted.  I never saw her after DYAD, and that was five months ago.”

Deangelis stared at her incredulously, shaking her head.  She chewed on the end of a pen she had been fiddling mindlessly with.  They stared each other down for some time, like two bulls waiting for the last antagonising move before they strike.  Deangelis spoke again.  The hoof scraping the dust.

“You ever heard of the Big Lie?”

Shay shook her head slowly.  Deangelis snorted, the bull’s snout expanding.  _Time to charge._

“’Course not…  It was something used by the _Nazis_ , believe it or not.”  Her tone was aggravating and snide.  Although, Shay was surprised she could have expected anything else from this demon.  Deangelis continued educating the woman in handcuffs.  “Hitler said it in the book he wrote, you know it, ‘cause it’s pretty famous.  He said, you gotta lie, and you gotta lie _big_ , then people won’t have the balls to deny it.  That sound like anyone you know?”  The detective got back up again, pacing around the interrogation room.  “You know, despite what you might think, you’re the only villain in this room.  The murders of two very admirable women’ve gone unsolved for too long.  I got my bosses breathing down my neck looking for answers, I got social justice warriors and human rights activists rioting outside all the main police stations demanding I spend more money on the investigations, and I got my own mother telling me I’m a piece of shit because I haven’t managed to put you inside already.  And you know what?  I _am_ fucking tired, and I want to put you away because _yes,_ it will be easy, but you know what?” Deangelis leant over the table, bull eyes raging and horns at the ready.  “It’s so fucking easy because _I know you fucking did it_. But you know what would make it even _easier_ for me?  You just gotta confess, pal.  Tell everyone you did it, and everyone gets to have a good nights’ sleep for the first time in months.  Do you think I don’t have the balls to call bullshit on your pile of bullshit excuse?  Think again, motherfucker, because one more day of this nastiness is _not_ gonna be fixed by another ten fucking cups of coffee a day!”  She slammed her fist down narrowly missing Shay’s face.  The smaller woman tried not to flinch, but she had been kept awake for over 48 hours since the detective had cornered her in a bar and escorted her into this delightful room, and her reflexes were nowhere near as strong as they usually were.

“ _I didn’t do it…_ please let me go…”

It sounded weak to her own ears and she knew it.

“I got a theory about you, you know-“

Whatever Deangelis thought about her was going to have to wait. There was a rapid snap of knuckles on the other side of the door, snatching away her train of thought and pulling her attention towards what may lay on the other side.

“Who the fuck is it?” she called out angrily, looking back at the door.

“It’s Sergeant Harper!  You have to stop _right now,_ shit’s going down out here!  Everyone’s gone nuts!”

Deangelis’ head snapped back to Shay accusingly.  Shay looked at her almost gormlessly.

“Well _I_ haven’t done anything!” she insisted, raising her hands as much as she could with them being chained to the table.

“You better not have… stay here,” she motioned for Shay to stay put, and picked up the file that lay on the table, running out of the door, ignoring Shay’s cries of outrage.

“As if I even _could_ go anywhere you wanky piece of shit!”  Once the door had closed, Shay angrily shook her chains and fussed against the chair, wishing with a futile intent that the handcuffs or the table would break and she would be free.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

 

If Detective Deangelis had expected anything wild and unaccounted for to happen today, this would not have even made the top one hundred of near vague possibilities.

She couldn’t believe her eyes.  Instead of believing them, she pushed past all the beady-eyed and idiotic buffoons who had somehow wheedled their way into a Canadian uniform.  Were these fools meant to keep the peace?  The whole place was in absolute disarray!  When she couldn’t get past a couple of guys who were squabbling about who would send a picture of the person who was standing in the middle of the atrium first, she belted in their ears, projecting loudly to everyone else there too.

“Move! Out of my _fucking_ way!  _Now!_ ”  Her lungs were powerful enough to at least gain the attention of three-quarters of the atrium.  Now, most people were silent, apart from a low hubbub of general excitement, confusion, and intrigue.  “Will someone _please_ explain to me what’s going on?”

Slowly, the sergeants and corporals, constables and inspectors moved aside, allowing her to move through them, and met someone who was having a row with someone at the front desk.  “Excuse me?  Who are you?”  She shouted out to the woman there, clearly, the one everyone was interested in.  She had long blonde hair, pretty wavy but it clearly hadn’t been cared for in a while.  The woman seemed to understand that she was being addressed.  She turned around, facing Deangelis who, unsurprisingly, nearly had a heart attack.

The woman spoke.

“My name is Delphine Cormier… I want to speak to the Commissioner.  I’m here to confess to the murder of Danielle Fournier.”

Detective Deangelis, weary and sore, licked her very dry lips.  Not only was everyone going to have a lot of explaining to do, but she was also very much in need of that sixth coffee already.

Under her breath came the slightest of whispers. “…What the actual fuck…?”

As an afterthought, the tall, humble woman added, “oh… and… Dr Aldous Leekie…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My warmest, most heartfelt thanks goes to SaveDelphine, my absolute number one, for rising to the challenge and continuing to be my beta after I struggled with my writing for so long. You didn't have to pick up the task again, but you did, and I love you even more for it.


	47. Correction of Forsaken Conclusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Delphine at the police station, it's time to put an end to an age-old torture.  
> Elsewhere, someone is walking home.

_ One thing my mother always taught me was to be honest about mistakes.  I used to think I was good at it.  Maybe I was lying to everyone I loved, or maybe I was just so bad at being honest that I couldn’t even tell when I was lying to myself. _

_ Childhood can be such a fragile time.  You’re slowly forming yourself, or maybe even being formed by things outside of your personal control. And then… there comes a day when suddenly, your parents no longer have the ability to see or read what you’re thinking, and the control they may once have had on you is then gone.   _

_ That’s the point where you begin to keep secrets from the people you’re meant to love, the people who are meant to love you beyond anything else, too.  But if I’ve learnt anything, it’s that keeping secrets fosters more secrets, and thus they manifest and grow like an ill-begotten cancer.  Secrets encourage lies, and lies become poison.  In this respect, the last year has made me come to see lying as the most painful way to kill yourself slowly.  If you’re doing it to yourself, how are you fighting? _

_ With this conclusion in mind, my morals have a strong bearing on my current situation.  Do I come clean about everything?  Who do I protect?  What do I need this detective to know?  How much do I have to lie…? _

  


There was a smell pervading the air.  She couldn’t quite tell what it was, but it was similar to that old smell of packed lunch boxes.  Slightly unpleasant, but familiar all the same.  Why did this room smell so peculiar?  Delphine didn’t know.  Really, she had more important things to be thinking about than the smell of the room, but it’s always when you most need to concentrate that you find yourself unable to attach your mind to one thing.

The last thing she needed was to be distracted.  She came here for a reason, but she was pretty sure she forgot what that was when she reached near halfway on her journey here.  How was this going to help anything?  

“Will you please answer my question, Dr Cormier?”

Delphine groggily raised an eyebrow, swerving her head towards the woman opposite her.  She had said it gently enough, but the words threw Delphine off.   _ Well, _ she thought,  _ I don’t have much right to demand special treatment, here.  I’m the one who disappeared for months, letting everyone believe I was dead. _

She replied contritely, “I’m sorry, detective, I don’t remember what your question was…”

Delphine knew that she was testing the woman’s patience, but there was only so much any part of her cared.

Deangelis nodded slowly, biting her lip at the same time.  Delphine could tell that she was deep in thought herself.

“I asked if you wanted any water.”

“Ah… uh… Yes, please, I would like some.”

Deangelis grunted an affirmation and got up, heading towards a little water tank.  She poured three neat cups full of water and handed one to Delphine, who took it gratefully.  The coldness of the water as she took a sip shocked her sensitive teeth and served to wake her up a little bit.  Her eyes stopped fuzzing, and she felt her mind sharpen a little bit.   _ Back in the room. _

Her small sips grew into larger sips until she had finished the cup in a matter of seconds.  Empty cup in her hands, she started to fiddle with the brittle plastic, waiting for something to happen.  She did not want to instigate a conversation.  She frankly wasn’t in the mood.

Deangelis took her time in broaching the idea of talking in depth with Delphine.  According to the detective, the woman opposite her looked tired, yet healthy.  Where had she been?

She sipped on her own water, deciding how best to start.

She had so many questions… 

“Maybe I should try it.”

Delphine met Deangelis’ eyes uncomprehendingly.

“Try what…?” Delphine trailed off, waiting for Deangelis to deliver her meaning.

“Being dead.  Just for a little bit.  I mean, for someone who’s been dead for five months, you’re looking better than I have in, say, five months.  I think I need your death health plan.  I’m not looking for sympathy, but I have to say, I do look half dead anyway because of a case I’ve been working on.”  She cocked her head to the side, squinting her eyes ever so slightly.  “Just a matter of who killed Drs Cosima Niehaus and Delphine Cormier.  It was giving me quite a lot of trouble until you turned up.  I can see that at least 50% of my investigation is alive and well.”

Cocking an eyebrow, Deangelis shifted in her seat so that she was leaning over the table towards Delphine, who was biting her lip nervously, brows furrowed.  Deangelis could almost have said that she looked ashamed.  “I have to ask the most important question before I begin to ask anything else.  Is Cosima alive?”

Delphine closed her eyes and breathed in and out slowly, just once.  She was calculating something, the detective could see it clear as day.

“I will tell you everything, but I want one thing before I do.”

“That’s ballsy of you, but depending on what it is, I will see what I can do.”

“I want blanket immunity - but not for me.”

“Unlikely you’ll get it.  But who  _ is _ it for, then?”

“A relative of hers.”

“It looks like you’d best get talking, then.”

  


-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  


It was dark.  Late at night.  Possibly around eleven o’clock or midnight, maybe even the hazy early hours of the morning when nothing seems to be real, a state of limbo that nothing pervades save the coming of dawn.  This time was far off dawn for a while.  Everything was still, silent, and solitary.

The harsh crunch of tough shoe soles on gravel cut through the frigid silence like a bullet through paper.  The steps were purposeful but slow.  Someone who knows where they’re going, but also that they’ve got plenty of time to get there.

The heavy, thickly laced boots trod on, skirting around some scaffolding to the left, and a high gate to the right.  They stepped up onto a pavement of sorts, taking a sharp left, shoving their hands in their coat pockets, huddling in their hooded jacket for protection against the cold.  From the smell of it, there were bins around here - and full ones.  The walker nearly bumped into them, hardly seeing a few feet in front of them due to the very bad lighting for nearly a mile around.

Far off, a single lamp flickered on and off repeatedly, with no apparent pattern.  Squinting, the walker headed in the general direction of the poor lighting.

Eventually, after a few minutes of walking through the pitch darkness on this crunching gravel, the walker made it to the small lamp that was flickering badly.  They moved close to it and fiddled with the back of it for a moment until its cover opened up.  They fiddled with the wires for a moment, until the lamp stopped flickering, the bright light steadfast once more.  The fixed lamp shone on a small, rickety building made of either wood or very dirty cement, a small thing that had a door, and a boarded up window.

Satisfied, they moved on, taking a deep breath before going up to the door and taking a key out of their pocket, and unlocking the door to the apparent shack.

Unlike the outside, inside smelt very warm and cosy, with a hint of spices emanating from one of the rooms.

The figure turned to the side and flicked the switch on, revealing a cramped hallway to what could be a house.  It had certainly been lived in for some time.  They pulled their hood back, revealing the white blonde curls that crowned the majestic head previously hidden.

From the other pocket of the jacket, they pulled out a slightly crumbled slice of bread, and taking a hearty bite, they made their way through this house to get to one of the rooms.

Shoes and slippers and plates and jumpers lay discarded haphazardly all around the house, creating a feeling of slight chaos that didn’t bother them in the slightest.

Reaching a small door - the only one that was closed, the white-blonde haired figure knocked on the door gently but did not wait for a response.  They pushed the door open and made straight for the person lying fast asleep on the bed.

They shook the sleeping figure almost too vigorously, but it did the job: the supine one slowly woke, eyes fluttering open to embrace the darkness of the room.  Realising they were being woken by someone, they looked at the figure on the side of the bed until recognition hit them.

“Oh, Helena, you’re back already?  How is Delphine?  Did it work?”

Helena nodded, taking another bite of the plain slice of bread.

“Yes, it was good… Delphine will show them the place by morning light… she wants you there.  Will you come?”

“Yeah, yeah, absolutely!” The woman in the bed slowly worked themselves up into a sitting position.  Her voice was slightly rough... as if she had been smoking too much.  That or had recovered from a bad cough recently.  “I want to be there for her.  It’s the least I can do.  It’s gonna be… difficult… for her.”

“Are you strong enough?  You look limp like noodle.”

The woman laughed softly.

“Just, hit the light on, would you?  I gotta get ready, and I need to warm up a bit.  I feel all creaky, like I haven’t oiled out my hinges in a while.”

“I tell you this when you sleep for hours, it is seven hours plus a half, no more!  You sleep so much I get sleepy when I think of you.”  Helena stepped to the wall and flicked the light switch on, flooding the tiny room with light, bathing the woman sitting on the bed in light.  She reached over to a tiny bed stand, picking up her thick-framed glasses.

“So… you think Delphine is okay?  She’s not gonna go to jail, right?”

“It did not seem so… she said nothing of that.”  Helena wolfed down the last of her slice of bread.

“Yeah, she’s a real star at keeping things from me… you don’t think she’s going to go down for something she didn’t do, is she?”

Helena snorted.  “You say she is good at keeping the secrets… you know too she is good at working things her way.  You’ll see, she was covered in tears when I meet her outside the station… an ac- _ tress _ !”  Helena clicked her fingers on the last syllable, making a ridiculous image and the woman on the bed snorted.  “Come, Cosima, if you take so long to dress like you do to eat breakfast, we will never get there by tomorrow evening, let aside the morning!  Pork chops, pork chops!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> So, thats answered at least a couple of questions... there are still more to be answered. I will answer them soon!
> 
> All my love,
> 
> HermioneSpencer


	48. "I’ll Gild it With the Happiest Terms I Have"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are privy to Delphine's confession. Slyly, wily, she weaves her words into a tapestry of a tableau we might recognise. Have we been here before?  
> Slowly, the final stitches are adding the last touches to this story we have grown so attached to.

“I’m not saying that I had a bad childhood.  That’s absolutely not my intention - to blame my parents or the people who formed my youth - if anything, I had a very nice childhood.  I was comforted, protected… I was looked after.  Yes, I was loved!  But even people who had parents who loved them aren’t guaranteed to become perfect people.  Maybe for some people - as it was fore me - the  overwhelming sense of normalcy can even force out the rebellion of our youthful spirits, and... drive them to do the wrong things.  

I don’t know why I did it, myself.  Uh… I suppose maybe it came from some sense of having to become a person apart from my parents.  I’d led a very sheltered life, if an ambitious one, and I was forging my own destiny…

Admittedly, not very well.

I got into university, and the one I had always wanted to go to, as well, and with it came my chance at having achievements to my name that weren’t connected with anything my parents did back in France.  I was in a whole new country!

I met Aldous Leekie at a local bar near the university.  He was prowling, I suppose, although I never really thought about it much until after I knew what he was.  He was looking for someone young, impressionable… Apparently I was that.  He caught me in a trap, a web of lies about what his actual job was, how he knew his friends… well, my very good friend at that time… Danielle Fournier… she was skeptical of these men that I was hanging around with, but I suppose she wanted to protect me from them - or myself - so she stuck with me.  I didn’t have anyone else but her.  Being with each other was familiar territory, so we stayed together through all my desperate floundering with these older men.   It wasn’t clever, I know that now - have known it for many years.  One night, I managed to convince her after a night out to come and meet Leekie… he was at a party with some of his friends, and I suppose I wanted to show her how it could kind of be fun if you ignored the leering older guys and just thought about the free alcohol and sometimes drugs.  Occasionally there would be a younger guy I could talk to, or some other women, but usually it was just a guaranteed free high - although, Leekie required sexual favours for  _ my _ payment.  It wasn’t so bad.  He was old and bald, but he never lasted very long.  It was easy.

That night, Dani… she was very drunk already.  I… I really should have seen it… She wasn’t  _ healthy _ … She was stumbling down the road following me like the good friend she was, and she didn’t  _ want  _ to go, but I  _ made _ her!

The party was the usual crowd… old white males checking out the very few women who had attended… looking back on it, it makes me sick!  But I was homesick too, and I was lying to myself, pretending that I didn’t need my home or the people I knew my whole life to feel good about myself.  I just poured all of my attention into my degree and pretending that I was okay.  I thought I was mature for being with an older man…

I could tell that the atmosphere that night was so wrong… there was some sort of violence in the air, an unsettling pressure on my lungs that hurt like a lack of oxygen, so subtle that you wouldn’t have known it was there until you’d suffocated.

Dani was raped that night.  Multiple times.  I was forced to watch it happen.  It was horrific - but I can only guess how much worse it was for her than me.  Later, we were knocked out with drugs and abducted.  I don’t remember where it was.  I was groggy and highly distressed.  The  _ guilt _ … the  _ shame _ that crushed down on me when I woke up, remembering what had happened… Oh, it felt far worse than anything I had ever experienced in my life!  I  _ loved _ Danielle and I didn’t know it well enough until I saw what those men did to her, and had to admit to myself that  _ my _ choices had ruined my best friend’s life!  There is very little a sensitive human can tell themselves that will come close to making them feel any better about that.

I shared very few words with Danielle at that time, after it had happened.  She was broken… and there was nothing I could do to make it better.  For either of us.

Leekie came into this room that we were being held in, and with the strange belief that I could do anything, I fought him.  Somehow, it worked.  I took his gun from his jacket pocket after I knocked him out.  I led Dani through the hallways of this place, but we were stopped by one of the men who had been at Leekie’s party.  He tried to take the gun from me, but I tried to stop him, and Dani tried to put up a fight, too… I think she may have known there was very little fight left in her.  She had been a fire of passion and determination, but there is only so long a candle can stay lit if you burn it from both ends,  _ non _ ?  This man… his name was Ferdinand Chevalier.  He was a rich man who liked to dabble in things he didn’t understand.

He overpowered me and we struggled over the gun in my hands.

It went off.  That was the day that Danielle Fournier died.  An almost invisible bullet wound, just above her heart.  You wouldn’t have known she was dead if were not for the red spooling out onto her chest like a poppy on a canvas.

Needless to say, both Ferdinand and Aldous made me believe that it was  _ me _ that shot her.  I was so sure of it for a long time, myself.  To this day, I do not really know who pulled the trigger but I tell myself every day that it was him, and not me.  But… I still held the gun, and that difficult grey area is a constant barrier to sanity for me.  I was packed up in a car with the two men, and Danielle’s body in the trunk of the car.  They drove us far out of town, in the pitch black - we must have driven for miles and miles and miles, endless tortuous miles.  Every mile further I went, another little part of me died inside.

We ended up near a children’s playground near a small town.  I don’t remember the name, but I would be able to tell you if I studied a map closely.  

They buried her very near that playground.  All I could do was watch as they dumped her in the ground, a grave unfit for a criminal, let alone a wonderful woman who had done very little wrong in this world.  Possibly the worst thing she had ever done was miss a few lectures.  She was so kind.

It seems trivial, I know, these details are… not pertinent to your investigation, but all I can say is that… I ignored them for a long time.  The past year has been… tough.  It’s brought up a lot of memories.

The plan was, I would work for Leekie, and he wouldn’t tell the police what I thought and believed I had done.

Some years later, I wanted to escape from his clutches, once and for all.  I wanted to get away from him, and actually do my job - heal people.  He said he would let me go if I did one last thing for him.  He wanted me to go and work for Cosima… Dr Niehaus.  I was to steal valuable research from them, to impede their progress in creating a cure for many women suffering from the nearly impossible disease to cure called Follicular Lymphoma.  He intended to sell the medicine, whereas Dr Niehaus had begun to set up a charity to distribute it globally, but it was just an idea, at that time.  Leekie saw only the money, and that got to his head.  

The longer I spent working with Cosima, though, the more I realised that there was more to the whole story than I expected.  Cosima was sick  _ herself _ , and when I found out, I was struck with the impossibility of the choice I had to make...

Plus, the more time I actually spent with Cosima herself, the more I fell in love with her.  Believe me, this complicated matters even more, until Cosima confronted me about Leekie.  She knew I was working for him, and she wanted me to work for  _ her _ instead.  Knowing this was the right thing to do, I agreed, and we started to work against Leekie, a united force.  He had planned for that, too, and one of the men Cosima had hired stole the research instead, and blew up her laboratories at the same time.  By this time, Cosima was… dying.  We weren’t able to find a cure quickly enough, make sure it worked quickly enough, and everything was  _ so _ precarious.  Shay Davydov proved an invaluable asset, along with a few friend of hers, but it was Cosima’s elder sister, Helena, whom I worked with very closely with the aim of regaining possession of our sample cures - the only hope we had left to keep Cosima alive.  Her brain, in turn, would keep thousands of other women alive, too.

We left her with a friend of ours to care for her as she grew more sickly.  We left her there.

We tracked the samples down to Leekie’s DYAD Institute, and we moved as fast as we could to get there and take the cures back.

Aldous was there, along with Ferdinand and the man who had stolen the sample cures in the first place.  I watched as he shot the scientist, and poisoned Ferdinand in quick succession.  Trapped in the Institute with him, I feared for my life, and we had an altercation. 

I shot him.  I must admit, I shot him… too many times… but he had hurt me and many people I loved.  Retribution seemed the only cure to this sickness that had overtaken me.

I… I let the darkness of my hatred seep deep into the marrow of my bones… I let it consume me until I was sure it was going to kill me.  I knew that it was likely Cosima would die, and it hurt, it hurt so badly, and so I shot him.  Eleven times.  I would say I was worried, but I was defending myself in that moment, regardless of any… grievances… I may already have held against him.

...We were never able to find the cure.  The Institute blew up - with us all practically in it still - and we only narrowly managed to escape.  That is Shay, Helena, and myself.

I don’t know what caused the explosion… I was on the other side of the building to the explosion’s nucleus.  I would like to know what caused it - the cures we had tried to make perished in the subsequent fires throughout the building, wherever they were.

I left Shay and I went to seek out Cosima with Helena, to say our goodbyes before she was taken from us by her illness.

I have been living quietly, trying to block out the horror of my life for the past five months.  It has not been easy.”

“And Cosima… when did she pass away?”

“...She didn’t.”

“What do you mean, ‘she didn’t’?” 

“None of us can explain it.  We went travelling.  We thought she only had a few days left in her, so we wanted to say goodbye to hear peacefully, in a calm location where she would be put to rest without stress on her part.  But it was strange.  She didn’t give up, she kept going.  It got to about a week after we thought she was going to… to leave us… and she was hanging on!  So… we tried alternative medicine… we were all surprised at the results… Massage therapy, spiritual healing, it all proved more effective than we could ever have believed it would.  And now, she is still with us, and growing stronger by the day.”


	49. "Hope is a Lover's Staff; Walk Hence With That/And Manage it Against Despairing Thoughts"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through this process of abrasion, we have learnt many things, but the most important thing follows thus; Hope is everywhere, if you look in the right place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My thanks go out again to the beautiful, legendary SaveDelphine for being there for me pretty much whenever.
> 
> My love and thanks to you all,  
> HermioneSpencer

In the form of some sort of complex spider’s web, an enormous map had near-vantablack etchings all over it, connecting roads and greenscapes reaching for miles around, like black holes sucking in the life around them.

A snake of six cars from the city sped through the countryside, narrowing down their options after each incorrect turn or a decisive shake of the head from the woman whose directions they were following.

Reversing six cars down a winding country road is no small feat, but this they had had to repeat time after time in the space of the six hours they had been doing this.

Night-time was creeping upon them, drawing ever nearer.  It was not close enough to be a burden upon them, but it was certainly a looming time limit, and one they did not want to creep past without their being ready.

There was still the damp residue of rainfall, which the cars disturbed periodically as they ripped through puddles, spraying water over the greenery that lined the road.

No one really had any idea where they were going apart from the one woman who was more likely than anyone else to know what they were looking for: Delphine.

She supposed, she had always kind of  _ known _ where it was.  She had stared at map after map for years on end, sometimes merely out of boredom, just thinking idly about where it could be.  Other times, it possessed her like the need to locate a drug for a specific addiction. She had always known where it  _ could _ be.  She had simply never been brave enough to go and  _ find _ it, and  _ prove  _ it.  Even if only to herself.

It had taken another week to get to this point.  Groups had to be assembled, managers contacted, approval given, and admin processed.  It had been a tiresome business even though Delphine had not been involved in that. No, she had sat down for a very long time with some sort of cartographer who had asked her about she could remember on tree formations, hedgerows, and signposts.  It had felt almost like a farce. But Deangelis had made it quite clear. No one was getting in a car anywhere until the experts knew what they would be heading towards. Delphine understood, even if it rankled a bit to be mistrusted.

She had been staring intently out of the window in the backseat, looking blindly into the sea of greenery, until she shot up, her back becoming stiff and straight, recognising a small sign that was advertising a local farm.   **_Rooster Grange!  Local produce, great prices, excellent quality!  Come and say hello!_ ** Delphine shuddered as a small bout of nausea hit her.  She felt cold all of a sudden, despite the layers she had coated herself up with.  Her left leg started to shake, making her whole body wobble unsteadily.

 

_ His bony hand pointed up to the left, leading their eyes out through the windshield.  “Take the next left. Let’s see what’s there. If it’s quiet enough, we can dump it there.” _

 

Delphine shook her head.

_ This is it.  It’s so close, I know it is. _

“Deangelis, I think it’s the let turn after this farm,” she said quietly, her voice too calm for how she felt inside.

Deangelis turned to face her, relief flooding through her eyes and filling the car like a sticky honey that made Delphine flounder as if she were drowning.

“You think?  Really? For sure this time?”

Delphine nodded.  “I just… I think I recognise the sign from the farm.”

Deangelis nodded, and led the way, turning off quite sharply, throwing them all to the right as they moved.

About twenty seconds after they had turned, Delphine spotted a tree that seemed familiar, and she shouted out, “Stop!  It’s here! It’s here, I am sure of it! I think it’s right next to that red thing, just over there.” Yes, there it was, she could see the red plastic of the gaudy slide that stood out against the deep green grass like an ink stain on otherwise clear paper.

They moved quickly.  Everyone got out of their cars, roadblocks were set up at each end of the road, and police barriers hastily made an appearance.  Policemen and women milled about, getting on with clearing around the cars gathered together. Delphine ignored them, mostly. She headed towards the car that had been immediately behind the one she was in, knowing who was in it.

Delphine spotted the cane first, slowly poking its way out of the doorway and squelching in the soft mud road.  Cosima’s feet followed next, unsteady and nervous. Delphine sped up her step until she was standing in front of her lover, and felt her heart reach out to Cosima.

“Would you like a hand, or would you prefer I leave you with your cane?”

The small woman looked up at her, the light waning, giving her already pale skin a white pallor.  She smiled.

“I would appreciate your arm, even though I  _ don’t _ need it,” she stubbornly stated.

Delphine laughed, offering her arm all the while.  Cosima pulled herself up, until they stood side by side, clinging on to each other for their own support.

“You may not need me to hold you,” Delphine whispered to Cosima, “but I most certainly need you next to me right now.  Do you think you’ll be okay to walk over to that tree there? It’s next to that slide, do you see?”

Cosima lifted her hand to push her glasses just a little more up her nose, squinting out into the distance.

“Oh yes.  It’s… it’s quite far, isn’t it?  I haven’t walked that far in… a while…” 

“Don't worry,  _ ma chérie _ , I have you, and you can lean on me more if you want to.”

Cosima leant her head on Delphine’s shoulder for a moment, until Delphine turned, lifted her head closer to hers, and kissed her gently on the lips.  It sent a bolt of energy coursing through Delphine’s body, and she took some heart from it. What she was about to do… it couldn’t be all bad, if Cosima was here to share it with her, surely?

Delphine was disturbed by a less-than-subtle clearing of the throat.  She turned her head to see Deangelis, awkward and uncomfortable at having to disturb them, but pressing Delphine on, reminding her of the need for efficiency at this moment in time.  

Delphine coughed a little made sure her coat was done up all the way and took the first step with Cosima beside her.

Delphine had needed to argue at great length with Deangelis to be allowed to bring Cosima with her this evening.  Deangelis had insisted that it was foolish, to bring such a sick woman out to the middle of nowhere and ask her to walk in the countryside after having been bedridden for so long.  She had argued that it was almost cruel to do so, but Delphine had insisted. She knew that she would never manage it without her. They had been each other’s rock for so long, that if they denied her the company of her lover, she would break down halfway.  She knew that Cosima was too stubborn to let anything stop her, and she needed that determination to carry her onwards.

They made surprisingly fast progress.  The cold, fresh air seemed to do Cosima favours, and although her steps were slow, they were larger steps than she had taken in a long time, and Delphine was encouraged.  

The red slide that they could see from so far away quickly gained definition, as did the rest of the playground it was a part of.  Before long, they could make out the gates that fenced it off, and the tree nearby grew ever larger, becoming almost menacing as the light waned.

None of it wanted her there.  Delphine struggled about halfway to put one foot in front of the other, but Cosima murmured encouraging thoughts and pulled her along softly.  Sometimes their feet got stuck in the thick mud, but they forged onwards.

Before she was really aware of it, they had reached the tree, and the playground too.  Racking her brains, and picking at the dead carcass of her memory from that night, Delphine struggled to remember the location of the burial place of the body of Danielle Fournier.

Walking in circles repeatedly for about ten minutes, wide sweeping circles that covered a huge surface area, Cosima walked every step with her, even though it was clearly a struggle, and tugged at her asthmatic lungs.

Delphine didn’t know what it was that made her point to the spot she stood on at that moment.  She had learnt that there were forces greater than her own mind in the year she had lived, and maybe this was the moment she agreed to let them take control instead of grasping onto the power all the time.

No matter the reason, the digging began promptly, and she had to remove herself before she grew too sick to continue.  If she was right, and she had the general area, they would find Danielle’s body in the end. She’d waited years - what was another few hours?

They kept going until nightfall.  Screens were put up to hide the digging from view, but Delphine didn’t need to see it to know how much every thrust of metal into the mushy, wet earth bit into her.  She didn’t even have the courage or presence of mind to talk to Cosima, who didn’t let go, even still. She just stood, and waited.

A loud cry cut through the oppression of the night, heralding the discovery of something - was it Danielle, or an unimportant  _ nothing _ ?

There was movement, and people milled about -  _ why are they even here?  Did they know her? Why do they have to be here when it should be  _ me _ with one spade, bringing her body back up to put her to an actual  _ rest _ once and for all? _

She was called past the barrier, and she and Cosima walked through a tiny opening.  Deangelis spotted them as they entered.

She didn’t even need to say anything.  All she gave them was a stiff nod, and Delphine knew they’d found her body.

Was this relief?  This crushing pain that ripped her skin off and scratched at her eyeballs?  Was it regret? 

She fell to her knees, abandoning the weak but ever so important support offered to her by Cosima, who tried to coax her back up with gentle words and coos, but Delphine couldn’t think through the burning tears as they streaked down her face.  It was  _ agony _ .


	50. A Marked Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With most marked beginnings comes a very marked ending. Some slip by quietly, unnoticed, but not this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> This is it. The last chapter. An epilogue will follow, but for now, I bid you farewell.  
> Thank you for taking this journey with me, from those who started at the very beginning with me, to those who have joined along the way. I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.  
> And thank you, SaveDelphine, for becoming my best friend throughout this whole... escapade.
> 
> All my love,
> 
> HermioneSpencer

If Cosima had been able, she would have pulled Delphine out of that tent as soon as they’d entered it. It was a problem that she was not.

Immediately, it felt oppressive, stuffy, and very far from comfortable. With Cosima’s lack of strength, however, she had hardly been able to keep herself standing, let alone drag Delphine away.

There wasn’t much to see, by the end of it. No big, bright sign blinking in the dark, signalling the burial place of a young woman, no remains of any dark wooden box, just… a shallow hole in the ground, hardly more than four feet deep, with a crumpled, decomposing body. The process appeared as if it had only just begun. Skin that wasn’t skin. Hair that wasn’t hair anymore. Bones… bones where bones should never be seen by the average human eye. Cosima turned aside and threw up, and could bear to look no more.

Delphine had fallen to her knees, and there was nothing Cosima could do for her. The Frenchwoman stared wide-eyed into the grave the whole time, locked on the body even as the forensic pathologists came to take it away, forced back by the team so she could only see from a few metres away. She stared and stared, tears flowing down her face, and yet unable to stop looking as she cried.

Cosima cried too, but felt that she had no right to be doing so. It was only exacerbated by the strong sense of uselessness that overtook her. Nothing would make this better. She couldn’t help, no matter what she said, no matter what she did. Nothing was going to change Delphine and Danielle’s past. This was done this had  _ happened _ and it could not be  _ un _ done. The futility was possibly the hardest thing for Cosima to cope with that night.

Maybe fifteen minutes after the body had been carried away, Cosima was still trying to convince Delphine to get up and leave, to go home, to get some rest, but Delphine was unresponsive, crying to herself, curled up on the floor. DeAngelis had grown uncomfortable and left, just the coroners and forensics team remaining to deal with the aftermath.

Cosima didn’t want to leave Delphine by herself, but when she tried to reach Delphine with her words, she knew it wasn’t working, and she was too weak to attract her attention physically.

Slowly, Cosima leant down over Delphine and kissed her head softly, her lips pressing up against gently waving curls that had grown slightly limp with lack of attention and care. 

She was unable to take anymore of the sheer pressing weight that lay like a thick fog inside the tent. Biting her lip, Cosima leant on her walking stick and made her slow way out of the tent into the cold darkness that had settled over the earth for the night.

She struggled, without Delphine to lean on. She cursed her body for its weakness, and then cursed the stick for being more of a hindrance than a help at times. She finished up by cursing herself again, this time for being so impatient. Her right leg had suffered the most atrophy out of her whole body in the throes of her sickness and when recovering, making it the weakest part of her. The only thing she could do was build herself from broken pieces, slowly.

She wasn’t sure in which direction she was really heading, but it wasn’t long before she arrived back at the playground. Resigning herself to sitting on a child’s roundabout until she calmed herself down, she half lowered herself, half fell, onto a too-narrow seat, her hips resisting against the cold metal. She grunted as she struggled to maintain her balance, and gripped onto one of the handles as hard as she could with her free hand to stop her falling right back and into the small circle in the centre of the roundabout.

In slight relief, she laughed at her own clumsiness, and how pathetic she felt. Not having to carry her own weight on her legs was worth it, and she slouched into her too-small seat, her legs resting, boneless.

She leaned back against the tiny back-rest, but it simply dug into her spine painfully. Immediately uncomfortable, Cosima inched herself off the seat and lay on the bottom floor of the roundabout. The need for muscles gone, Cosima sunk down, and closed her eyes.

It was dark here, out in the middle of nowhere. There was a small taste of light that remained from the floodlights closer to Danielle’s grave, but in this tiny playground, the silence and low-visibility made everything easier.

The colours of everyday life… it was if they fed her mind. Or, they fed into her imagination. It was almost as if the bright neon colours were the paints used by her mind to create the distractions that buzzed around her mind every day, making it constantly impossible to focus on anything. Here, under the night sky, with the rustles and calls of the law enforcers just yards away, looking up at the deep black interrupted occasionally by blinking starry bright dots, there was very little to focus on that she couldn’t see.

Maybe her mind was at peace. Maybe she was dead. Which would she prefer? Cosima didn’t know if she could answer that question honestly.

She felt a hot tear run from her right eye down her head, and tracked it as it ran down to her ear. More followed.

“I wasn’t sure whether I’d ever see you again…”

Cosima swivelled her head around uncomfortably, contorting herself to see who had arrived to disturb her sulking. She lost her grip on the peace she had momentarily found. She squinted into the dark.

“Oh, Art!” Cosima choked. She smiled with difficulty, and then struggled to pull herself up with the handles that were so low anyway that it was virtually fucking impossible to-

“Cosima.” He nodded to her, respectfully, yet still frowning deeply. There was a pointed gap before he continued to speak.

“I’m not really meant to be here. I was knocked from this case years ago. When my boss learnt I had helped Delphine and yourself… apparently you can’t develop ties with people you were meant to be investigating… Anyway… DeAngelis owed me a favour from a while back. She gave me a call and told me to get over here. So here I am…” he trailed off, turning his head away for a moment. He gnawed on his lip before continuing. “Thing is… I’m not sure I totally understand everything that has happened in the last couple of days. I was caught up at the station today working on a case they had me on ‘cos I got bumped from anything to do with you or Delphine or Leekie… Now, I knew Shay hadn’t killed you. That didn’t make sense in my mind and I knew better than to believe it, but… for  _ months _ … I thought that  _ you _ , especially, were dead, and maybe Delphine too, I watched you nearly die, and at the time, I think I was pretty sure you  _ had _ died. I couldn’t make sense of it in my head. You were lying there on that bed, lifeless. I left to call in an ambulance, and by the time I got back, your body was gone, and every trace there was left of your existence. Now I know that Delphine must have taken you away, but what I don’t understand is why you wouldn’t at least send me word of some sort that you hadn’t died. A vague text? A call? A random object as some sort of  _ clue _ ? I don’t know… just something to let me know that you didn’t die that night. There was nothing I could do to stop it, and so not knowing… incompetence isn’t a pleasant feeling. Tell me, Cosima, how is it that you’re alive? And don’t give me this bullshit about spiritual, herbal healing. I know bullshit when I hear it, and I don’t need you to give me more of it. What you went through… No chanting or smelly herbs were ever going to help that. You better be honest with me, because now I find out that Delphine has gone and shown the police where Danielle’s body is and… I can’t take much more of anything being hidden from me…” throughout this monologue, Art had moved to sit next to Cosima in the seat next to hers on the roundabout, all the image of a seemingly broken man.

Cosima managed to move herself so that she was sitting up properly now, taken aback by the sudden appearance of Art, and the earnestness with which he was communicating to her.

“I… Well… I’m sorry, Art. We thought about it - telling you, I mean. We both wanted to, but my sister had just blown up a building, Delphine had just popped loads of holes in Leekie, my labs are gone… I get that it doesn’t make much sense-”

“ _ You’re _ not making much sense, Cosima!” Art interjected. “Come on,  _ talk _ to me, I’m a detective, I know when people are hiding shit from me!” Art had taken a hold of Cosima’s hand and was squeezing almost a little too tightly. He looked at her with pleading eyes, and Cosima felt her resolve slump.

“Art… Oh, dear, this  _ whole _ thing… this… escapade… from the moment when I first started getting sick - it was doomed, right from that moment, wasn’t it? I’ll tell you what happened, but you have to keep this to yourself. Do you promise, Art?” Cosima shook him, her dreadlocks swaying slightly with the motion.

“I promise, Cosima. I just want to help.” Art nodded, mostly to himself.

“Okay. Okay. That’s good. Thank you.” Breathing in deeply, Cosima braced herself to start talking. “Delphine found the cure. She took it from DYAD that night. It- no, no, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you- but you  _ have _ to keep silent!” Cosima’s voice was weakening in strength the more flustered she grew. Art noticed, and started patting her back in an unsure, yet consoling way. The small woman leaned into the hesitant comfort, took in a deep breath, and began to talk again. “Delphine used the cure on me. It healed me. I got better - so much better.  _ Shockingly _ better. Currently, people are still out there looking for any remnants of this cure, some people out of honest desperation for loved ones, and others… all looking to patent it for themselves. It’s not safe, at the moment, to tell anyone that I have it inside my DNA. It was just a prototype… I never believed my cure would work. In reality…” Cosima leaned forward and put her head in her hands. “The fact that it did only makes this worse.”

Art looked at her curiously. He cocked his head a little to the side and frowned again, the deep care lines in his face creasing.

“What does that mean? You’re healthy again, how can that be worse?”

Cosima huffed bitterly.

“Don’t you see? I’m responsible again! When I was lying in that old bed, nearing death while you watched at my side… I gave up, Art. I didn’t believe I was going to make it, and so relinquished the responsibility… the responsibility of the lives of everyone out there suffering from the same illness as me. I had done everything I could, as had you, as had Delphine! In my mind, I was letting go of having to be the one to cure everyone out there. Everyone who came to Topside, everyone overseas who didn’t have anyone to go to about the blood they were coughing up, when their doctors couldn’t do anything to help… fuck knows how many of them are dead now, but  _ I _ pulled through, and now… again… I have to adjust my thinking, and I have to help all of them again. Maybe because I’m the only one who can, or maybe because I have a hero complex which dictates my need to be needed, I don’t know. But I have no labs anymore, no materials at my disposal, and no way at all to replicate the cure that I have living inside of me. The impossibility of replicating this cure makes me regret surviving at all.”

Art sat still, contemplative.

“There’s nothing I can do to make this better, I know-”

“It’s an epidemic, it seems.”

Art grunted in acquiescence. 

“But, Cosima, if there’s one thing that I have learnt from living my life, it’s that you can only do what’s right for you. Sometimes, that helps other people, maybe even the rest of the world, but sometimes not. If you think you need to rid the world of this illness, you may never succeed, and kill yourself trying. You have to find a line between saving the world, and loving yourself enough to stay healthy and… maybe even happy.” Art leaned over to Cosima, nudging her with his arm. The dark circles under his eyes said more to her than she had realised at first.

“Maybe you’re right,” Cosima looked into his eyes directly, biting the inside of her lip, “but what if I couldn’t survive, knowing how many people were going to die that didn’t need to?”

Art let out a huff of breath.

“Well, there’s your answer, Cosima. If you believe you’d be better off helping people, then help them… but know when to stop.”

They were both silent for a long time, until Cosima broke their silence once again.

“Thank you. Thank you for everything. You never had to do anything for me, but you have done… so much. I am grateful to you.”

“Yeah, well no need to be. It was good for me… Helping you and Delphine got me out of a rut I was stuck in… Look, I gotta go check in with DeAngelis. Closure, or something like that. Do you need a hand up?”

Cosima nodded, and together they got up from the roundabout, Art giving her a hand and pulling her up. She immediately put the weight back on the walking stick. “I’m guessing Delphine must be in the tent they put up over there?” The floodlights next to it lit it up rather well, but it looked so small from this vantage point.

“Yeah, she’s not doing so well. I’ll walk with you, I should never have left her in the first place.”

“We all need some time alone, don’t beat yourself up about it. Thank you for telling me the truth - about everything.”

Cosima sighed lightly.

“Don’t tell anyone, and we’re good. I want to avoid a repeat of the last year of my life. I don’t want to become some scientist’s experiment.”

“I got you, Cosima, I’ll be tight-lipped as always.”

They hugged. It felt a little foreign to the both of them, but neither pulled away with discomfort. After a moment, they headed on to the tent, Cosima clutching her walking stick, and Art holding a tight fist inside his jacket pocket the whole way.

  
  
  


-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
  


Despite it being very early in the morning before the sun had even risen, Shay and Bobby were waiting for them at the station, holding each other’s hands, the perfect image of a united force. Delphine and Cosima were escorted in by two officers who kept just a little too close for comfort. 

Shay and Bobby ran towards the fatigued women, hugging them so tightly and with such fierce love Cosima was taken aback. She hadn’t seen either of them since a couple of months ago when they came to visit her and Delphine in their hideout as she was recovering. It had been short and sweet, however, as Cosima had very little to say, being barely conscious at the time. They didn’t know who could have been watching, so they left very quickly after arriving. She had a broad grin stretching her mouth as she returned their hugs, and it felt so good to see them when she could actually respond to them, and talk to them.

“Cosima, my God, how  _ are _ you?” Shay asked, possibly a little  _ too _ loudly.

“I am… wow, I am… so much better, thank you,” Cosima laughed, responding to her enthusiasm.

As Delphine was hugging Bobby, Shay squeezed her a little more, and then she whispered directly into her ear, “you have to stay calm, Cosima, do you hear me?”

Cosima pulled away uncomfortably, the vague warning only making her panic even more than it was probably intended to. She looked into Shay’s eyes and was about to ask her what she meant, when Shay slipped away and was hugging Delphine, and Bobby appeared in front of her, taking her into her arms and physically turning her away from Delphine and Shay with the force of her hug.

“Hey, champ! Well done for holding in, there. I’m glad you did. Everything would have been for nothing if you hadn’t you know that, right?”

Cosima blinked gormlessly for a moment.

“But, Shay… you already know-”

“Oh, it’s just so  _ good _ to see that you’re  _ okay _ !” She almost shouted. Cosima began to understand what was going on, and could have kicked herself for being so slow. They were being watched, of course she couldn’t admit that they had known where they were all along -  _ silly! Silly, Cosima! _

“Yes, I am okay, I am amazed, it’s quite… miraculous, isn’t it?”

Bobby visibly relaxed at Cosima’s understanding.

“You  _ bet. _ But hey, Shay and I have a little surprise for you. We’re gonna take you back to our place and feed you a delicious dinner - I’m sure you haven’t been eating too well, so we’re gonna provide some excellent food for you - how does that sound?”

Some noise started behind Cosima, but all Cosima could muster up was, “Wait, what,  _ your _ place? Are you two genuinely-”

“Hey! Be gentle with her! She’s just watched her friend been exhumed, have some class, asshole!” Cosima whipped around, causing a violent head rush and she began to sway. She could only watch as she saw DeAngelis appear out of nowhere, overseeing the two officers who had followed them thus far restraining Delphine.

Cosima limped forward, willing herself to move faster.

“What’s going on? Hey, what’s going on? Let go of her!” Cosima moved to pull the officer away, but Shay and Bobby got to her faster, holding her back as she heard the officer state Delphine’s rights as he cuffed her. “Delphine, please explain what’s going on!”

Delphine was calm, a tall statue of deportment. 

“...Anything you do or say may be used as evidence. Do you understand?”

Delphine stated a clear “yes” but then looked at DeAngelis pleadingly.

“Am I allowed to say goodbye to Cosima?”

DeAngelis nodded softly, indicating for the officers by Delphine to allow her to move over to Cosima.

Still cuffed, Delphine stepped softly over to her lover, formulating her words carefully.

Cosima raised a hand to cup Delphine’s face.

“Delphine, I don’t understand… why are you being arrested?”

Delphine brushed her head against Cosima’s hand, revelling in the sweet touch.

“Cosima… I took a plea deal… i have done too much for the police to ignore… It was naive of me to believe that I could get away with all of it, and so I took the deal that they gave me. I pleaded guilty to the manslaughter of Leekie. In return, I will serve just two years. I am sorry i didn’t tell you, Cosima, but I needed you to be okay…”

“Okay? Delphine, I am  _ not  _ okay, I am absolutely  _ not _ okay! Why wouldn’t you tell me this? This is huge! Two years? Delphine, two years - oh my god, Delphine- you told me that you wouldn’t go down for this-”

Cosima could feel herself start to hyperventilate and she was not ready for any of it - this news, her lack of air... 

“Cosima, you have to be calm,” Delphine leant down and supposedly touched their foreheads together, but took the opportunity to mumble to her, “you’re the only one who can finish what you started,  _ ma chérie _ , you have to stay calm and stick with Shay and Bobby, they know.”

Cosima thought  _ they know  _ what _?  _ but could not get the words out before Delphine kissed her lips, and was then pulled away. Cosima’s legs shook, her walking stick no longer enough to hold her up. Bobby caught her before she fell, and supported her weight. Cosima’s ears started ringing.

“I am  _ not _ okay… I am  _ not  _ okay…” 

She felt herself being lowered into a wheelchair, all the while, muttering the same words over and over to herself.

  
  


-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
  


Shay and Bobby delivered on their promise - they took Cosima back to their house, but there was, disappointingly, no dinner for her there. They tried to lower her back into the wheelchair when she got out of the car, but she angrily hit it with her walking stick.

“ _ Don’t  _ patronise me, I can walk myself.”

“It didn’t look like it, back at the station.”

“I can walk when I am able to breathe, there’s a positive correlation between the two, you know,” Cosima bit back, unapologetically.

Bobby swallowed her retort after a silencing look from Shay.

“Look, Cosima, Bobby and I are just trying to help, but I’m sorry for bringing the wheelchair, I’ll get rid of it, I’ll just stick it in the trunk and we’ll never have to think about it again, okay?”

“Right, whatever.”

The three of them stood together uncomfortably, the sun beginning to show it’s soft light on the horizon.

Bobby chivvied them along.

“Enough with all the bullshit, we’ve brought you along for a reason, let’s get on with it, shall we?”

Cosima huffed.

“Sure. Are you gonna be my nannies? I don’t need one. I need Delphine back. She didn’t deserve to go away for killing Leekie, he was a dirty old scumbag who deserved everything he got-”

“ _ Cosima _ , just  _ shut up _ for fifteen minutes, and maybe things will start to make sense!”

Shay and Bobby each took one of Cosima’s arms and essentially dragged her inside their very humble little house. The moment the door was shut behind them, the two blonde women sighed with visible relief.

Shay started talking.

“Right, okay, here’s the deal. You don’t say a  _ single _ word, and we do the talking. Okay?”

Cosima nodded.

“Okay. Here we go.” Shay fumbled around in the deep pockets of her long, flowing cardigan, until she managed to fish out what looked like a very small key.

“Follow us,” she looked back at Cosima, and headed off down the small corridor of their house, Bobby nodding her head. She stopped at a door that was covered with the same wallpaper as the rest of the corridor. She wouldn’t have seen it if Shay hadn’t stuck a key inside of it and opened it up to reveal a staircase heading down. 

“I hate to tell you this, Cosima, but Delphine lied to you. She lied to all of us, but you most specifically.” She snapped a light on, and began to walk down the stairs. Cosima followed slowly, taking each step slowly with both feet, curiosity making her heart pound against her chest. “You made five prototypes of the cure, and she got all five back. She left four with us, and we didn’t know what to do -  _ we _ thought that there were four cures, and didn’t have the slightest clue of what to do with them. We, along with Bobby’s Amazons - oh, Delphine didn’t tell you? They were just some friends of Bobby’s who helped Delphine along on her merry way - and paid a hefty price for it, mind you - we blew up the place where we were keeping them, a really picturesque barn, I must say, it was a shame we had to burn it, but burn it we did, and we decided we would look after it, keep it ready to go, and wait for Delphine to come back. We thought we had the weight of the world on our shoulders, you see, and we didn’t really know what to do, but Delphine came back pretty swiftly. About a month after she disappeared with Helena, she found us, and told us that your cure had worked. She told us about  _ you _ , and how you were recovering well - mind out for the canister there, oh, and that table - Bobby, would you mind switching that light on? - and then she gave us this address along with this key, and told us to get working. At first we didn’t know what she meant, but we finally found the door down to this room, and, well, here we are, I suppose. She had left instructions here, along with everything we needed to do our work. Come here, have a look, I know you’ll like it.”

Cosima, utterly taken aback, was still taking in the room around her. It was, precise definitions aside, a  _ laboratory _ \- but beckoned by Shay again, she followed her towards what could only be described as a very big fridge.  _ What has Delphine done  _ now _?  _ she thought to herself. “You ready? I bet not.”

Shay yanked on the handle of the door, and there it was, displayed before her, the biggest surprise of all.

“No way…”

“ _ Yes _ way,” Bobby piped up. “You have two years until Delphine gets out. She knew it would be the case, so she’s made sure you are going to be far too busy to miss her.”

“We’ve worked hard replicating the cure you gave us. So far, we’ve managed to make enough to cure forty affected people.”

Cosima couldn’t stop staring at the contents of the fridge. They were ready to go - syringe after syringe after syringe, all labelled, quite clearly:  **324B21COS**

Maybe this was good news, after all.


End file.
